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Cats (2019) reviews from people you don't follow
Here's where I wrinkle my nose up at the Smashbomb scoring system - Cats isn't so much 'shoddy' as - well, it's such a particularly strange film that it's actually quite hard to tell whether it's any good or not. My instinct is to say not: a selection of character actors, comedians and musical theatre stars are CGI'd into human-animal hybrids like something out of The Island of Dr Moreau and hoof and yowl their way through a selection of TS Eliot's comic poems set to music. The plot does a good impression of being absolute gibberish, as the singing cat-people compete to get sent off to the bit of the sky that radio waves bounce off where they will receive a new life, while Idris Elba schemes to rig the contest. It's just weird.
Alternatively, this is a quasi-Lovecraftian surreal Arabesque which, fatally, fails to consider the difference between presentational and representational performance modes inherent in the transference of a narrative between theatrical and cinematic contexts. (i.e., people dressed as singing cats in a theatre can be beautiful and moving; people CGI'd into singing cats in a big-budget movie is more disturbing than anything else.) Jennifer Hudson's maximum-Streep, maximum-volume onslaught on 'Memory' made me want to hide under my seat.
Alternatively, this is a quasi-Lovecraftian surreal Arabesque which, fatally, fails to consider the difference between presentational and representational performance modes inherent in the transference of a narrative between theatrical and cinematic contexts. (i.e., people dressed as singing cats in a theatre can be beautiful and moving; people CGI'd into singing cats in a big-budget movie is more disturbing than anything else.) Jennifer Hudson's maximum-Streep, maximum-volume onslaught on 'Memory' made me want to hide under my seat.
I'd rather have licked my own bum
Just dreadful. I'm not much of a one for musical theatre at the best of times - trying to convey a story through only song is bound to fail and both the songs aren't good and the storyline doesn't land.
5 minutes in we are bombarded with use of the word "jellicle" without any context, repeated over and over again by haunting cat-people. To amuse myself, I replaced "jellicle" with "genital" and it brightened my mood somewhat.
But by that point the damage was done, I was annoyed by the film and the whole concept. I realised I was in for nearly 2 hours of different cats being introduced through the medium of forgettable arrhythmic song.
Luckily my wife had seen the stage show once (her words - "I saw it to say I'd seen it, never want to see it again") so had a little idea of the storyline (something to do with an annual competition to win an undefined prize which turned out to be a hot air balloon ride).
The visuals are not perfect and in order to detract from how hideous the idea was, they had to be.
So many decent actors (ok just Dame Judy and Sir Ian) wasted.
I have realised what sums this film up succinctly and appropriately:
If this film was a person, it would be Louis Spence.
5 minutes in we are bombarded with use of the word "jellicle" without any context, repeated over and over again by haunting cat-people. To amuse myself, I replaced "jellicle" with "genital" and it brightened my mood somewhat.
But by that point the damage was done, I was annoyed by the film and the whole concept. I realised I was in for nearly 2 hours of different cats being introduced through the medium of forgettable arrhythmic song.
Luckily my wife had seen the stage show once (her words - "I saw it to say I'd seen it, never want to see it again") so had a little idea of the storyline (something to do with an annual competition to win an undefined prize which turned out to be a hot air balloon ride).
The visuals are not perfect and in order to detract from how hideous the idea was, they had to be.
So many decent actors (ok just Dame Judy and Sir Ian) wasted.
I have realised what sums this film up succinctly and appropriately:
If this film was a person, it would be Louis Spence.

James Koppert (2698 KP) rated
Feb 15, 2020
Cats (2019) reviews from people you don't follow

Andy K (10823 KP) created a video
Jul 18, 2019
As a man who has been through the musical theater ringer, I can confidently say that this is one of the worst things, if not the worst thing, that I have seen this year. It is incompetent at all of the aspects that set apart a musical from a normal film. The choreography is bland and uninspired, as it takes the most basic steps of ballet and refuses them to a nauseating degree. The singing on all parts is bone-chillingly awful, even for the people cast who can actually sing! The song to story ratio is obscenely high and doesn't give the audience any time to breathe whatsoever, especially my girlfriend who was in bewildered amazement and horror the entire time. As for aspects that fall under the actual filming aspect, the mocap is disgusting, the acting is subpar on all counts and the mess of a story resembles a poorly baked cookie just crumbling at the slightest breeze.
Thanks for ending the year off with a bang that we haven't seen since the Boston bombing.
Thanks for ending the year off with a bang that we haven't seen since the Boston bombing.

Emma @ The Movies (1786 KP) rated
Dec 27, 2019

Andy K (10823 KP) created a video
Nov 19, 2019 (Updated Nov 20, 2019)
Video
Nick Beaty (70 KP) Jan 15, 2020