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Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated Rock of Ages (2012) in Movies
Aug 7, 2019
It is lightly satirical, a parody at times, that seems to mock our beloved 80’s rock era, while honoring its eccentricities, its tight leopard print pants, big hair, shoulder pads and over the top MTV music videos.
I like to judge a movie not only by how it makes me feel but also by how the audience reacts. This wasn’t an in-your-face-slapstick comedy, yet the whole theater roared with laughter throughout the film. To sum up the experience of Rock of Ages, it’s like watching a string of 80’s music videos mashed into a weak plot, with well-timed laughing points. Some of us laughed because we remember being the ones with those crazy hair-dos and out-of-control fashion sense and some were just laughing because this movie was so well done. It walked the fine line between super over-the-top corny and truly honoring our rock heritage. This movie does play to a specific demographic of ages 30 to 50, those who, with great nostalgia, remember how the 80’s rock and fashion revolution shaped their lives.
As the song goes, just a small town girl, Sherrie Christian played by Julianne Hough, travels to the big city in search of her dreams of becoming a singer, where she meets her city boy, Drew Boley played by Diego Boneta. Together they embark on a musical romance while working at a rock club named The Bourbon Room. Alec Baldwin plays an old rocker named Dennis Dupree struggling to keep his legend of a night club/concert hall open. Russell Brand, as always, steps in as the comic relief while playing the club owner;s assistant named Lonny. Together they work to keep The Bourbon Room afloat while dealing with a vengeful Patricia Whitmore, played by Catherine Zeta-Jones, who wishes nothing more then to see The Bourbon Room burned to the ground.
There are points in this movie when the acting, the singing and yes, even the plot, grabs you and holds your attention, much like watching the train wreck we call 80’s fashion. Its painful but you can’t look away! There were other times in this movie when the singing felt like it would go on forever. I noticed that the low points would be immediately succeeded by a very entertaining turn of events, so my attention was not lost for long. There came a point, at about the third Glee style 80’s rock mash-up, where I felt like slapping the director, Adam Shankman. Even too much of a good thing can get boring and I felt Shankman reached that point several times in the film. Luckily, he redeemed himself by bringing in Tom Cruise to play the Satan worshiping, alcoholic, megalomaniacal rock god Stacee Jaxx who went above and beyond in perfecting his role.
This movie’s soundtrack features songs and power ballads from Guns N’ Roses, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Journey, Twisted Sister, Pat Benetar, Scorpions, Whitesnake, Poison, REO Speedwagon, Foreigner among other epic bands giving Rock of Ages it’s 80’s jukebox musical foundation.
Mary J. Blige, Cruise, Ale Baldwin, Boneta, Hough and the whole cast of mega stars went above and beyond in selling their characters and performing stunning and accurate vocals that really pulled this movie together. The corny 80’s fashion and authentic dance numbers were the real icing on the cake. If you can sit through two hours of 80’s rock and pop nostalgia and know you will enjoy it, then definitely check this movie out.

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The story is narrated by one of the 50 mytholgical mermaids, Sirena. She lives with ten of her sisters on an island where they are protected and guided by three guardian birds. The sole purpose of Sirenas and her sisters existence is to somehow make human males fall in love them so that the mermaids can become immortal like their ancestors. They live simple lives, dressing up in starfish and pearls and singing to lure ships towards their island where their ship will wreck on the reef just offshore. What makes Sirena different than her sisters, however, is her conscience. Whereas her sisters are only concerned with becoming immortal, Sirena actually cares about the welfare of the men whose lives they put in danger.
When the story begins, Sirena is preening herself before singing to lure not one, but three ships to her sisters island. The men on the ships fall under their spell and two of the three ships crash upon the reef. Most of the men die because they do not know how to swim. While the ones who know how to swim make it safely to shore, the mermaids try to save as many of the others as they can. Only eleven men initially survive. They eventually die because of lack of resources on the island, but not before they beat one of Sirenas sisters, Cecilia, to death for trying to save a drowning sailor.
Shortly after, Sirena runs away to the island of Lemnos to escape the life she has been subjected to. There, she tries to help heal Philoctetes who has been bitten by a serpent sent by Hera. From there, their relationship blossoms and they come to love each other despite their differences, including Sirenas newly acquired immortality. Eventually however, Odysseus comes to obtain Hercules bow and arrows from Philoctetes so that the Greeks can win the Trojan War. The book ends with Philoctetes leaving with Odysseus, leaving Sirena on the deserted island of Lemnos.
This book completely crushed my heart. All in all, the book was actually pretty graphic for what I thought was an independent reader novel. Whenever Cecilia is killed by the sailors, Napoli gruesomely describes the mermaids smashed in face. Sirena makes multiple references to their beautiful breasts. While Napoli had enough decently to leave out any sex scenes, it is blatantly alluded to.
The majority of the novel is Sirena and Philoctetes bonding and building their relationship. Napoli takes us through the two learning about each other, bantering playfully, and falling in love. Only to rip them apart. It was so anticlimactic and soul-crushing, I almost started crashing.
All in all, it was a great novel. Despite being written in first person, it was expertly written. I love the simplicity of Sirenas thinking. It is clear that she lacks any education beyond her island world. Reading about Sirena and Philoctetes developing relationship was enchanting.
Definitely worth the heart break at the end.