Search
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated The Mummy (2017) in Movies
Sep 29, 2021
Crushingly Mediocre
I’d read the bad reviews, but thought “Hey, it’s Tom Cruise – how bad could it be?” The answer is, “Pretty bad”.
It’s an ominous sign when a film starts with a voice-over (even if done by the sonorous tones of Russell Crowe). Regular readers of this blog will know I generally abhor voice-overs: it invariably belies a belief by the scriptwriters that they think the audience are too damn stupid to join up the plot-dots themselves. Here we portentously walk through the ancient Egyptian backstory of princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella, “Kingsman: The Secret Service“; “Star Trek Beyond“) cursed to become the titular Mummy. We then skip forward to the present day and the film settles down, promisingly enough, with scavenging adventurer Nick Morton (Cruise, in Indiana Jones mode), discovering a lost Egyptian temple in war-torn modern-day Mesopotamia that for the sake of the world should have stayed lost.
But after an impressive plane crash (with zero G scenes filmed for real in a “Vomit Comet”) the plot dissolves into a completely incoherent mush. With B-movie lines forcing B-movie acting performances, the film lurches from plot crisis to plot crisis in a similar manner to the comically lurching undead Zombie-like creatures that Ahmanet has sucked the life out of. (After 110 minutes of this, I know how they feel!)
What were actors of this calibre doing in this mess? When I first saw the trailer for this, and saw that Cruise was in it, I thought this felt like an unusual career misstep for the megastar. After seeing the film, I’m even more mystified. Nick Morton is supposed to be an immoral bad guy. Immoral bad guy?? Tom Cruise?? Nope, you lost the audience on that one in the first ten minutes. Cruise, who is STILL only a year younger than I am (damn him, for real!) is still in great shape and must spend ALL his time in the gym. There must be a time soon coming though where he gets to a “Roger Moore in View to a Kill” moment where these action hero roles just no longer become credible anymore.
And what was Russell Crowe, as a famous / infamous (yes, both!) doctor from literature doing in this? His character’s involvement in the plot was almost completely inconsequential. In fact his ‘affliction’ only serves as a coincidental diversion (how convenient!) for bad Mummy-related action to happen. His character has no backstory and seems to serve only as a backbone for Universal’s “Dark Universe” franchise that this movie is supposed to launch. (Good luck with that Universal after this stinker!) Surely it would have made more sense to have the first film in the series to be the origins story for Crowe’s character and the organisation he sets up. This would have made far more sense.
Annabelle Wallis, who is sweet and “only” 22 years his junior, plays Cruise’s love interest in the film and equips herself well, given the material she has to play with. However (after “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword“) she must be kicking herself for not picking the ‘right’ summer blockbusters for her CV.
The main culprit here is the plot, which again is mystifying given that the writing team includes David Koepp (“Jurassic Park”; “Mission Impossible”); Christopher McQuarrie (“The Usual Suspects”, “Edge of Tomorrow“) and Jon Spaihts (“Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation“, “Doctor Strange“). A poor script can sometimes be salvaged by a good director, but here we have Alex Kurtzman, who has only one other directing credit to his name. And I’m afraid it shows. All round, not a good day at the office.
Brian Tyler did the music (aside from the Danny Elfman opening “Dark Universe” fanfare) but it comprises what I would term “running and jumping music”, with few discernible leitmotifs for the characters breaking through.
“Was that supposed to be funny?” My wife’s reaction after the film sums up that this really is a bit of a stinker. Best avoided.
It’s an ominous sign when a film starts with a voice-over (even if done by the sonorous tones of Russell Crowe). Regular readers of this blog will know I generally abhor voice-overs: it invariably belies a belief by the scriptwriters that they think the audience are too damn stupid to join up the plot-dots themselves. Here we portentously walk through the ancient Egyptian backstory of princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella, “Kingsman: The Secret Service“; “Star Trek Beyond“) cursed to become the titular Mummy. We then skip forward to the present day and the film settles down, promisingly enough, with scavenging adventurer Nick Morton (Cruise, in Indiana Jones mode), discovering a lost Egyptian temple in war-torn modern-day Mesopotamia that for the sake of the world should have stayed lost.
But after an impressive plane crash (with zero G scenes filmed for real in a “Vomit Comet”) the plot dissolves into a completely incoherent mush. With B-movie lines forcing B-movie acting performances, the film lurches from plot crisis to plot crisis in a similar manner to the comically lurching undead Zombie-like creatures that Ahmanet has sucked the life out of. (After 110 minutes of this, I know how they feel!)
What were actors of this calibre doing in this mess? When I first saw the trailer for this, and saw that Cruise was in it, I thought this felt like an unusual career misstep for the megastar. After seeing the film, I’m even more mystified. Nick Morton is supposed to be an immoral bad guy. Immoral bad guy?? Tom Cruise?? Nope, you lost the audience on that one in the first ten minutes. Cruise, who is STILL only a year younger than I am (damn him, for real!) is still in great shape and must spend ALL his time in the gym. There must be a time soon coming though where he gets to a “Roger Moore in View to a Kill” moment where these action hero roles just no longer become credible anymore.
And what was Russell Crowe, as a famous / infamous (yes, both!) doctor from literature doing in this? His character’s involvement in the plot was almost completely inconsequential. In fact his ‘affliction’ only serves as a coincidental diversion (how convenient!) for bad Mummy-related action to happen. His character has no backstory and seems to serve only as a backbone for Universal’s “Dark Universe” franchise that this movie is supposed to launch. (Good luck with that Universal after this stinker!) Surely it would have made more sense to have the first film in the series to be the origins story for Crowe’s character and the organisation he sets up. This would have made far more sense.
Annabelle Wallis, who is sweet and “only” 22 years his junior, plays Cruise’s love interest in the film and equips herself well, given the material she has to play with. However (after “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword“) she must be kicking herself for not picking the ‘right’ summer blockbusters for her CV.
The main culprit here is the plot, which again is mystifying given that the writing team includes David Koepp (“Jurassic Park”; “Mission Impossible”); Christopher McQuarrie (“The Usual Suspects”, “Edge of Tomorrow“) and Jon Spaihts (“Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation“, “Doctor Strange“). A poor script can sometimes be salvaged by a good director, but here we have Alex Kurtzman, who has only one other directing credit to his name. And I’m afraid it shows. All round, not a good day at the office.
Brian Tyler did the music (aside from the Danny Elfman opening “Dark Universe” fanfare) but it comprises what I would term “running and jumping music”, with few discernible leitmotifs for the characters breaking through.
“Was that supposed to be funny?” My wife’s reaction after the film sums up that this really is a bit of a stinker. Best avoided.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Reef in Tabletop Games
Aug 1, 2019
Ahh ze coral reef. How beauteous is her expanse, and so nurturing for her oceanic inhabitants. We must endeavor to protect her and rebuild her as best we can to foster wildlife and entreat Mother Nature. We shall do this by selecting only the best coral combinations to satisfy the dying environment.
Reef is an abstract hand management, pattern building game that challenges the players to become coral reef architects and rebuild our fragile underwater ecosystem. This is a lofty goal, as our coral reefs in the real world are hurting for rejuvenation something fierce.
DISCLAIMER: I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rule book, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy from the publisher directly or from your FLGS. -T
Setup is easy: shuffle the player mats and deal one to each player. The player that received the one board containing the starfish will be the starting player. Deal the players one of each colored coral piece, two cards from the deck, and 3 VP tokens. Place your reef chunks in the middle of your board in any order and you are ready to play!
On your turn you can do one of two things: draw a card or play a card. There are three cards face up to form the offer row, or a player can pay a VP token to the card with the lowest printed VP total to take the face up card on top of the draw pile (a la Small World). When you play a card, you immediately take the coral pieces on the card and place them on your play mat. The pieces can be stacked on other pieces of the same or different color, or on a blank spot on the mat. Once done, you check the card you played for any scoring conditions you may have met from your play mat. I will not go into detail about scoring, but there are several types of scoring that are employed in a game of Reef. The game continues in this manner until all of one color of coral pieces are used up. Players finish the round and then count their VP tokens. The winner is the player with the most VPs.
Components. The box is, what, normal sized? And the art on it is wonderful. So colorful and instantly recognizable. In fact, the art on the game in its entirety is truly amazing. I love it! The cards are of fine quality, but since they are handled a bit I sleeved mine. The VP tokens are of good quality, and I like that the pieces aren’t just perfect circles. It’s not a huge deal, but it helps with immersion just that much more. Same for the player mats. They could have been just as effective with square mats, but just that bit of wave makes it more enjoyable to play on for me. The big chunky coral pieces are so fun to play with, and handle, and, honestly, drop. They are very satisfying and great for those with colorblindness since they are all different shapes for the different colors they represent. All in all, Next Move Games knocks it out of the park on components AGAIN!
As you can tell by our score, we really like this game a lot. The first time I played it, my father-in-law used an interesting strategy and won the game. The next time I played it, I tried to use that same strategy and came in 3rd place. So, I chalked that win up to luck of the (card) draw and am now seeking more varied strategies to become the King of Reef. This is perhaps what also keeps the game from being a Golden Feather Award winner – I can play my game strategy and you can play yours, but that’s it. There is no real player interaction. As one Duke of Dice Alex would sing it, Reef is actually just “multiplayer solitaire.” While that is completely appropriate and non-offensive, I believe that with some more player interaction I would be more apt to bump this one to a 6. That said, we at Purple Phoenix Games give Reef a well-deserved bubbly score of 15 / 18. Emerson has himself another hit and I am proud to have it in my collection. You should grab it too, maybe.
Reef is an abstract hand management, pattern building game that challenges the players to become coral reef architects and rebuild our fragile underwater ecosystem. This is a lofty goal, as our coral reefs in the real world are hurting for rejuvenation something fierce.
DISCLAIMER: I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rule book, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy from the publisher directly or from your FLGS. -T
Setup is easy: shuffle the player mats and deal one to each player. The player that received the one board containing the starfish will be the starting player. Deal the players one of each colored coral piece, two cards from the deck, and 3 VP tokens. Place your reef chunks in the middle of your board in any order and you are ready to play!
On your turn you can do one of two things: draw a card or play a card. There are three cards face up to form the offer row, or a player can pay a VP token to the card with the lowest printed VP total to take the face up card on top of the draw pile (a la Small World). When you play a card, you immediately take the coral pieces on the card and place them on your play mat. The pieces can be stacked on other pieces of the same or different color, or on a blank spot on the mat. Once done, you check the card you played for any scoring conditions you may have met from your play mat. I will not go into detail about scoring, but there are several types of scoring that are employed in a game of Reef. The game continues in this manner until all of one color of coral pieces are used up. Players finish the round and then count their VP tokens. The winner is the player with the most VPs.
Components. The box is, what, normal sized? And the art on it is wonderful. So colorful and instantly recognizable. In fact, the art on the game in its entirety is truly amazing. I love it! The cards are of fine quality, but since they are handled a bit I sleeved mine. The VP tokens are of good quality, and I like that the pieces aren’t just perfect circles. It’s not a huge deal, but it helps with immersion just that much more. Same for the player mats. They could have been just as effective with square mats, but just that bit of wave makes it more enjoyable to play on for me. The big chunky coral pieces are so fun to play with, and handle, and, honestly, drop. They are very satisfying and great for those with colorblindness since they are all different shapes for the different colors they represent. All in all, Next Move Games knocks it out of the park on components AGAIN!
As you can tell by our score, we really like this game a lot. The first time I played it, my father-in-law used an interesting strategy and won the game. The next time I played it, I tried to use that same strategy and came in 3rd place. So, I chalked that win up to luck of the (card) draw and am now seeking more varied strategies to become the King of Reef. This is perhaps what also keeps the game from being a Golden Feather Award winner – I can play my game strategy and you can play yours, but that’s it. There is no real player interaction. As one Duke of Dice Alex would sing it, Reef is actually just “multiplayer solitaire.” While that is completely appropriate and non-offensive, I believe that with some more player interaction I would be more apt to bump this one to a 6. That said, we at Purple Phoenix Games give Reef a well-deserved bubbly score of 15 / 18. Emerson has himself another hit and I am proud to have it in my collection. You should grab it too, maybe.