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Restricted Fantasies
10.0
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Book
Are you living in a simulation? If you aren’t now, you soon will be. The technology is fast...
Short stories SciFi
Surrendering for Two (Soul Match #4)
10.0
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Strength is found when surrendering to destiny. Graham has suffered way too much at the hands of...
BDSM M_M Science_Fiction Romance
Cthulhu Wars
8.7
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Tabletop Game
Cthulhu Wars is a strategy boardgame in which the players take the part of alien races and gods...
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) in Movies
Sep 28, 2021
This one seems to have received a very mixed reception among Trek fans, but I absolutely loved it when it first came out, giving it 4.5/5 in one of my early One Mann’s Movies reviews.
I find the pre-titles sequence on this one a real blast, both thrilling in content and enormously funny with the primitive stone age race trashing their previous relic in favour of their new Enterprise-shaped deity! And then the dramatic pseudo-blackmailing of Harewood, (an impressive Noel Clarke, when he was being given better roles that he is at the moment), to Michael Giacchino’s awesome “London Calling” music, is a truly memorable bit of movie-making.
The cast have all settled into their roles nicely. Chris Pine’s Kirk is still the arrogant ladies man (e.g. bedding twin aliens and chatting up the starfleet totty…. “Hi Ladies… Jim Kirk”), but learning the hard way that with great power comes at least a modicum of responsibility. He actually needs to act in this movie. And I find Scotty (Simon Pegg) slightly less grating in this outing (though his sidekick Keenser (Deep Roy) is still the annoying Jar Jar Binks of these films).
Benedict Cumberbatch adds great gravitas as the arch villain, and his announcement of his name was one of those “I am your father” movie-moments for me on first viewing.
It’s also the last screen appearance of Leonard Nimoy as Spock Prime – indeed, his last movie appearance period. A nice and fitting way to bow out.
My rating here is a little lower than my previous OMM rating. It’s attempts to shoehorn-in scenes and dialogue from an earlier Trek movie are a misstep by the writers, and grate on repeat viewing. But it’s still a cracking episode in the Trek saga, and another of my personal favourites.
I find the pre-titles sequence on this one a real blast, both thrilling in content and enormously funny with the primitive stone age race trashing their previous relic in favour of their new Enterprise-shaped deity! And then the dramatic pseudo-blackmailing of Harewood, (an impressive Noel Clarke, when he was being given better roles that he is at the moment), to Michael Giacchino’s awesome “London Calling” music, is a truly memorable bit of movie-making.
The cast have all settled into their roles nicely. Chris Pine’s Kirk is still the arrogant ladies man (e.g. bedding twin aliens and chatting up the starfleet totty…. “Hi Ladies… Jim Kirk”), but learning the hard way that with great power comes at least a modicum of responsibility. He actually needs to act in this movie. And I find Scotty (Simon Pegg) slightly less grating in this outing (though his sidekick Keenser (Deep Roy) is still the annoying Jar Jar Binks of these films).
Benedict Cumberbatch adds great gravitas as the arch villain, and his announcement of his name was one of those “I am your father” movie-moments for me on first viewing.
It’s also the last screen appearance of Leonard Nimoy as Spock Prime – indeed, his last movie appearance period. A nice and fitting way to bow out.
My rating here is a little lower than my previous OMM rating. It’s attempts to shoehorn-in scenes and dialogue from an earlier Trek movie are a misstep by the writers, and grate on repeat viewing. But it’s still a cracking episode in the Trek saga, and another of my personal favourites.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Xenohunters in Tabletop Games
Mar 22, 2021
What do you find absolutely terrifying? A great many things are on my list, and one of them happens to be the main theme for Xenohunters – heroes attempting to blow up a space station that has been overrun by hostile alien threats, but said aliens are adept at sneaking and can rise up just before you and deliver a deadly blow. I know I can’t be the only one shuddering at THAT thought. So when my friends over at Half-Monster Games contacted me about previewing their new game I knew I was in for one crazy ride.
In Xenohunters one player will act as the main alien force while the other players will divvy up the four hunter characters to oppose. The alien wins when the human threat is eliminated and the humans win once the alien threat is eliminated or once the space station has been blown up with a bomb and at least one human survivor leaving on the spaceship. Tensions run high and every being is on high alert. So let’s get into this! Pre-disclaimer: as this game has many delicate rules I will be giving a high-level overview of gameplay and more opinion on my plays at the end.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup consult the rules until the table looks similar to what is shown below. Beware: this game does take up quite a bit of table real estate to plan accordingly and use “the big table.”
Xenohunters is played in rounds until one side has achieved their win condition, as explained above. The aliens, or “Xenos,” will take their turns first, and then the human squad is able to take theirs. Xenohunters offers a loose turn structure in that each character is allowed two or three actions to take, but the actions and the characters on each side may take turns and actions however they wish in any order they wish. So the Xenos could move Alien 1 (not the name given in the game), then activate something with Alien 2, and then two more actions with Alien 1 before Alien 2 completes their turn. And same goes for the human squad.
Much of the game revolves around movement within the space station, either visible or hidden. Players are able to use abilities, gain special cards, hatch alien eggs, move through the vents, block doorways, and bomb individual rooms on the path to victory. Once a human player is attacked and killed, they immediately switch sides and can be respawned as a Hybrid Spawn that belongs to the Xeno team. The remaining human players are now at a disadvantage toward satisfying their victory condition and have another alien hunting them down.
Play continues in this loose turn fashion until one side can claim victory and the game ends.
Components. Again, this is a rough prototype printed and assembled in house at Half-Monster Games, so it is possible that many of the components will look very different when finalized. That said, I truly enjoy the art style featured on many components, and though the game tone is very dark and brooding (not typically my style), the majority of component choices are well done and well suited for this style. I wish I could see a finalized version to truly comment on, but from what I was provided I believe the game will look amazing once complete.
Gameplay. This is where I wanted to spend most of my preview. This game reminds me of a cross between Escape from the Aliens in Outer Space, the wildly-popular (right? I don’t play it so I don’t really know) Among Us digital game, and most tabletop RPGs on the market. I make these comps because in the former, all movement is hidden until something bad happens. Here in Xenohunters movement is hybrid hidden and visible, but players should try to remain hidden as much as possible. The first game played did not value hidden movement as much and the Xenos won rather quickly by just barreling through the space station and unleashing hellish damage on the humans. In Among Us only the Impostor can travel through vents (right?) and here in Xenohunters only the aliens are able to use the vents initally; the humans will need a special item card in order to use the vents, and even then it is only one time.
Once a player meets on the same space as another player from the opposing team combat can begin. I comped RPGs as well, and combat in Xenohunters utilizes an Aim value that is like an AC of an opponent in that the die roll will need to meet or exceed the Aim value for the attacker or else no damage is dealt. Each Xeno and human has their own stats for Aim, Health, Carry, and Speed, which are all self-explanatory. Humans can use an action to Rummage at certain map locations in order to gain cards that are beneficial in combat, movement, additional actions, and even the coveted Bomb and Detonator cards. In this fashion I see influences from RPGs in Xenohunters.
So what do I think about the game? Well, I have never been great at hidden movement games, and while this one is not solely reliant on that one mechanic I am still bad at it. This does not at all diminish my enjoyment of the game, and I do quite like it. Xenohunters uses mechanics from other great games and employs them pretty well. Yes, the rules are always being improved, even from this point (I am using Rules v.0.9.6), but once this is complete I feel it will be an excellent game to have in one’s collection. I personally have zero games utilizing hidden movement mechanics, so this will certainly fill a niche in my collection that I have neglected.
I love the theme and premise of the game, and it seems ripe for expansions. I can see many new human characters that can be added, more maps and scenarios, and even more big bads being thrown in to increase the difficulty. I have no idea if these are planned at all, but Xenohunters is laying the groundwork for a bevvy of expansions that can be added. The artwork is great (though not final on all pieces), and I know Half-Monster Games is going to give it special treatment to make it really pop.
I am very much looking forward to monitoring the Kickstarter campaign for this one as I think it is an excellent concept and brings horror to the table without being overly graphic and gory. I will not be playing this with my son any time soon (he is four), but when he is old enough I will definitely be introducing him to Xenohunters. While I am not great at this game, I very much look forward to playing lots more and practicing my strategies so I can one day challenge Jack (the designer) at a convention… whenever those happen again.
In Xenohunters one player will act as the main alien force while the other players will divvy up the four hunter characters to oppose. The alien wins when the human threat is eliminated and the humans win once the alien threat is eliminated or once the space station has been blown up with a bomb and at least one human survivor leaving on the spaceship. Tensions run high and every being is on high alert. So let’s get into this! Pre-disclaimer: as this game has many delicate rules I will be giving a high-level overview of gameplay and more opinion on my plays at the end.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup consult the rules until the table looks similar to what is shown below. Beware: this game does take up quite a bit of table real estate to plan accordingly and use “the big table.”
Xenohunters is played in rounds until one side has achieved their win condition, as explained above. The aliens, or “Xenos,” will take their turns first, and then the human squad is able to take theirs. Xenohunters offers a loose turn structure in that each character is allowed two or three actions to take, but the actions and the characters on each side may take turns and actions however they wish in any order they wish. So the Xenos could move Alien 1 (not the name given in the game), then activate something with Alien 2, and then two more actions with Alien 1 before Alien 2 completes their turn. And same goes for the human squad.
Much of the game revolves around movement within the space station, either visible or hidden. Players are able to use abilities, gain special cards, hatch alien eggs, move through the vents, block doorways, and bomb individual rooms on the path to victory. Once a human player is attacked and killed, they immediately switch sides and can be respawned as a Hybrid Spawn that belongs to the Xeno team. The remaining human players are now at a disadvantage toward satisfying their victory condition and have another alien hunting them down.
Play continues in this loose turn fashion until one side can claim victory and the game ends.
Components. Again, this is a rough prototype printed and assembled in house at Half-Monster Games, so it is possible that many of the components will look very different when finalized. That said, I truly enjoy the art style featured on many components, and though the game tone is very dark and brooding (not typically my style), the majority of component choices are well done and well suited for this style. I wish I could see a finalized version to truly comment on, but from what I was provided I believe the game will look amazing once complete.
Gameplay. This is where I wanted to spend most of my preview. This game reminds me of a cross between Escape from the Aliens in Outer Space, the wildly-popular (right? I don’t play it so I don’t really know) Among Us digital game, and most tabletop RPGs on the market. I make these comps because in the former, all movement is hidden until something bad happens. Here in Xenohunters movement is hybrid hidden and visible, but players should try to remain hidden as much as possible. The first game played did not value hidden movement as much and the Xenos won rather quickly by just barreling through the space station and unleashing hellish damage on the humans. In Among Us only the Impostor can travel through vents (right?) and here in Xenohunters only the aliens are able to use the vents initally; the humans will need a special item card in order to use the vents, and even then it is only one time.
Once a player meets on the same space as another player from the opposing team combat can begin. I comped RPGs as well, and combat in Xenohunters utilizes an Aim value that is like an AC of an opponent in that the die roll will need to meet or exceed the Aim value for the attacker or else no damage is dealt. Each Xeno and human has their own stats for Aim, Health, Carry, and Speed, which are all self-explanatory. Humans can use an action to Rummage at certain map locations in order to gain cards that are beneficial in combat, movement, additional actions, and even the coveted Bomb and Detonator cards. In this fashion I see influences from RPGs in Xenohunters.
So what do I think about the game? Well, I have never been great at hidden movement games, and while this one is not solely reliant on that one mechanic I am still bad at it. This does not at all diminish my enjoyment of the game, and I do quite like it. Xenohunters uses mechanics from other great games and employs them pretty well. Yes, the rules are always being improved, even from this point (I am using Rules v.0.9.6), but once this is complete I feel it will be an excellent game to have in one’s collection. I personally have zero games utilizing hidden movement mechanics, so this will certainly fill a niche in my collection that I have neglected.
I love the theme and premise of the game, and it seems ripe for expansions. I can see many new human characters that can be added, more maps and scenarios, and even more big bads being thrown in to increase the difficulty. I have no idea if these are planned at all, but Xenohunters is laying the groundwork for a bevvy of expansions that can be added. The artwork is great (though not final on all pieces), and I know Half-Monster Games is going to give it special treatment to make it really pop.
I am very much looking forward to monitoring the Kickstarter campaign for this one as I think it is an excellent concept and brings horror to the table without being overly graphic and gory. I will not be playing this with my son any time soon (he is four), but when he is old enough I will definitely be introducing him to Xenohunters. While I am not great at this game, I very much look forward to playing lots more and practicing my strategies so I can one day challenge Jack (the designer) at a convention… whenever those happen again.
Lee (2222 KP) rated Men in Black International (2019) in Movies
Jun 16, 2019
A complete waste of time
Aside from Avengers Endgame, 2019 is shaping up to be pretty disappointing when it comes to blockbuster movies. Godzilla received a bit of a panning from the critics (although I personally quite liked it), then Dark Phoenix took an even bigger hit in the reviews, which I completely agree with. And now we have a sequel that nobody asked for, to a movie which has already had a couple of fairly average sequels, which has also received a wave of early bad reviews this week. To be honest, the trailer for Men In Black International certainly looked a bit....meh. A bunch of random stuff happening, no real indication of any plot, some annoying looking CGI aliens and an attempt to just coast off the back of having Thor and Valkyrie reunited on screen. I still remember how memorable the original trailer for the 1997 MIB movie was when it featured in cinemas - the shades, the guns, the aliens, the massive flying saucer crash landing in front of a cool looking Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. This trailer had none of that wow factor, but I went in, hopeful as always that the reviews were wrong.
The movie begins in 2016, with Agent H (Chris Hemsworth) and High T (Liam Neeson) as they ascend the Eiffel Tower, interrupting a man who is about to propose to his partner, before saving the world from an incoming alien race called The Hive. Then we jump back 20 years into the past to a family who are disturbed one night by a cute little alien in their back garden. As the young daughter, Molly, hides the alien in her bedroom, she looks out of her window to see her parents as they are neuralysed by a couple of Men in Black.
Back in present day, Molly (Tessa Thompson) is now all grown up, but hasn't forgotten that eventful night. While working in a call centre, she uses her computer to connect to satellite equipment in order to track alien landings and therefore try and gain access to the Men in Black, and hopefully get a job with them. Eventually finding her way into their headquarters, she is recruited by Agent O (Emma Thompson) and sent on her first mission, where she partners up with Agent H. The pair get caught up in a mission involving an assassinated alien VIP and some kind of super weapon. And, as the title of the movie suggests, plenty of international travel, as we switch between New York, London, Paris and Marrakesh.
The problem is, whereas the original Men in Black boasted a lot of humour, along with some great visual gags and action and a great double act, in the form of Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, this movie does nothing to successfully recapture any of that. As much as I love Chris Hemsworth, I felt that he was the worst thing about this movie. Somebody simply thought they'd take the character of Thor and try to have that for the entire movie, but without making him funny, heroic or even that likeable in the process. As with Dark Phoenix recently, a great cast is let down by an awful script, with any attempts at humour or entertainment falling completely flat.
Elsewhere, the fun and wacky inventiveness behind the different alien species in the original movie is completely absent here. Apart from some interesting and formidable twin villains, there's a fairly wasted role for Rebecca Ferguson as a three armed ex lover of Agent H. Otherwise, the main alien throughout the movie is just an annoying little CGI character.
To be fair, there are a couple of fun action sequences and some nice visuals, but overall this is just a completely forgettable and unnecessary movie. Here's hoping that Toy Story 4 will finally bring us a worthy blockbuster when it opens later this week.
The movie begins in 2016, with Agent H (Chris Hemsworth) and High T (Liam Neeson) as they ascend the Eiffel Tower, interrupting a man who is about to propose to his partner, before saving the world from an incoming alien race called The Hive. Then we jump back 20 years into the past to a family who are disturbed one night by a cute little alien in their back garden. As the young daughter, Molly, hides the alien in her bedroom, she looks out of her window to see her parents as they are neuralysed by a couple of Men in Black.
Back in present day, Molly (Tessa Thompson) is now all grown up, but hasn't forgotten that eventful night. While working in a call centre, she uses her computer to connect to satellite equipment in order to track alien landings and therefore try and gain access to the Men in Black, and hopefully get a job with them. Eventually finding her way into their headquarters, she is recruited by Agent O (Emma Thompson) and sent on her first mission, where she partners up with Agent H. The pair get caught up in a mission involving an assassinated alien VIP and some kind of super weapon. And, as the title of the movie suggests, plenty of international travel, as we switch between New York, London, Paris and Marrakesh.
The problem is, whereas the original Men in Black boasted a lot of humour, along with some great visual gags and action and a great double act, in the form of Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, this movie does nothing to successfully recapture any of that. As much as I love Chris Hemsworth, I felt that he was the worst thing about this movie. Somebody simply thought they'd take the character of Thor and try to have that for the entire movie, but without making him funny, heroic or even that likeable in the process. As with Dark Phoenix recently, a great cast is let down by an awful script, with any attempts at humour or entertainment falling completely flat.
Elsewhere, the fun and wacky inventiveness behind the different alien species in the original movie is completely absent here. Apart from some interesting and formidable twin villains, there's a fairly wasted role for Rebecca Ferguson as a three armed ex lover of Agent H. Otherwise, the main alien throughout the movie is just an annoying little CGI character.
To be fair, there are a couple of fun action sequences and some nice visuals, but overall this is just a completely forgettable and unnecessary movie. Here's hoping that Toy Story 4 will finally bring us a worthy blockbuster when it opens later this week.
Sarah (7798 KP) rated The Terminator (1984) in Movies
Jan 27, 2021
A classic
Film #12 on the 100 Movies Bucket List: The Terminator
The Terminator is a sci-fi classic and is responsible not only for helping propel Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Cameron to the household names they are now, but also for creating a movie franchise that is still going nearly 40 years later. Although admittedly the majority of the sequels are better off never spoken about again.
Released in 1984 and bringing director James Cameron into recognition, The Terminator follows a cyborg assassin (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who is sent back in time to kill Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton), to prevent her son John Connor from saving humanity in the future. Also sent back in time to try and save Sarah is human soldier Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn).
This is a story that must be familiar to most, having spawned a further 5 sequels (and counting) in the past 30+ years. And as sci-fi stories go, this is a damn good one – time travel, murder, even romance – it has it all. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this, and watching it back now I never realised how 80s it was. Aside from the memorable title music from Brad Fiedel, the rest of the score and soundtrack screams 80s and with the clothing and hairstyles, it’d be difficult to miss when this was released. There are a lot of horror aspects and tones to this original too that makes it a lot darker and sometimes scary, which is not something we see in any of the sequels. The gore, especially the wonderfully icky scene when the T-800 patches himself up in the bathroom mirror, is great and another aspect sadly lacking from the sequels. Admittedly some of the effects and props in this do look a little dated (the T-800 point of view and the animatronic Arnie are noticeably dodgy), but considering this was made in 1984 it’s actually incredibly impressive. The final scenes with the metal skeleton of the T-800 are especially noteworthy.
This is the film that made Linda Hamilton into the kick ass heroine we know and love, Arnie into the cyborg we love and hate (depending on which film you’re watching), and made the name John Connor into something that is completely unforgettable. With limited lines and a requirement to look menacing and imposing, this film is perfect for Arnold Schwarzenegger. He isn’t required to do much and personally I think his role as the T-800 in any of the Terminator films are undoubtedly his best performances to date. And with supporting performances from the likes of future Aliens alum Lance Henriksen, Michael Biehn and a blink and you’ll miss him Bill Paxton, the cast is faultless. And let’s be honest, who didn’t have a crush on Michael Biehn after watching this?
What I like the most about The Terminator is its simplicity. It might be a sci-fi, but it’s relatively low budget with a small cast of main characters and a large amount of practical effects and action scenes. It has a fairly B movie look about it, and coming from the James Cameron we know now, something this simple is actually very refreshing. While I like a lot of Cameron’s work (who doesn’t love Aliens?), his more recent efforts are a little too over the top and overwhelming. This is nothing of the sort.
The Terminator is absolutely a classic and deserving of its place on this list. I will admit that I still think the first sequel T2 is superior, especially as it doesn’t have the outdated and overwhelmingly 80s feel that makes this original slightly flawed.
The Terminator is a sci-fi classic and is responsible not only for helping propel Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Cameron to the household names they are now, but also for creating a movie franchise that is still going nearly 40 years later. Although admittedly the majority of the sequels are better off never spoken about again.
Released in 1984 and bringing director James Cameron into recognition, The Terminator follows a cyborg assassin (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who is sent back in time to kill Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton), to prevent her son John Connor from saving humanity in the future. Also sent back in time to try and save Sarah is human soldier Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn).
This is a story that must be familiar to most, having spawned a further 5 sequels (and counting) in the past 30+ years. And as sci-fi stories go, this is a damn good one – time travel, murder, even romance – it has it all. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this, and watching it back now I never realised how 80s it was. Aside from the memorable title music from Brad Fiedel, the rest of the score and soundtrack screams 80s and with the clothing and hairstyles, it’d be difficult to miss when this was released. There are a lot of horror aspects and tones to this original too that makes it a lot darker and sometimes scary, which is not something we see in any of the sequels. The gore, especially the wonderfully icky scene when the T-800 patches himself up in the bathroom mirror, is great and another aspect sadly lacking from the sequels. Admittedly some of the effects and props in this do look a little dated (the T-800 point of view and the animatronic Arnie are noticeably dodgy), but considering this was made in 1984 it’s actually incredibly impressive. The final scenes with the metal skeleton of the T-800 are especially noteworthy.
This is the film that made Linda Hamilton into the kick ass heroine we know and love, Arnie into the cyborg we love and hate (depending on which film you’re watching), and made the name John Connor into something that is completely unforgettable. With limited lines and a requirement to look menacing and imposing, this film is perfect for Arnold Schwarzenegger. He isn’t required to do much and personally I think his role as the T-800 in any of the Terminator films are undoubtedly his best performances to date. And with supporting performances from the likes of future Aliens alum Lance Henriksen, Michael Biehn and a blink and you’ll miss him Bill Paxton, the cast is faultless. And let’s be honest, who didn’t have a crush on Michael Biehn after watching this?
What I like the most about The Terminator is its simplicity. It might be a sci-fi, but it’s relatively low budget with a small cast of main characters and a large amount of practical effects and action scenes. It has a fairly B movie look about it, and coming from the James Cameron we know now, something this simple is actually very refreshing. While I like a lot of Cameron’s work (who doesn’t love Aliens?), his more recent efforts are a little too over the top and overwhelming. This is nothing of the sort.
The Terminator is absolutely a classic and deserving of its place on this list. I will admit that I still think the first sequel T2 is superior, especially as it doesn’t have the outdated and overwhelmingly 80s feel that makes this original slightly flawed.
A Bibliophagist (113 KP) rated Space Opera in Books
Jan 25, 2020 (Updated Jan 25, 2020)
Fun writing (2 more)
Creative
Witty
Overwritten (3 more)
Lacking plot
Disjointed and distracted
Boring
Technicolor Encyclopedia entry
Space Opera seems to be a book, that based on other reviews, you either love or hate. The love reviewers can't seem to tell me why they love it, most attempting to replicate the style of the author and relying on a menagerie of adjectives to express themselves. "A glitter punk, Eurovision romp!" "Technicolor whirlwind!" but not actually saying WHY they liked it, or just saying "well you didn't get the humor". The ones who disliked it are pretty clear, and as I struggled with this book I found I agreed with their complaints. However, I have to thank the sheer number of DNFs from the disliked group for causing me to, ironically, finish it. I hate DNFing books, to begin with, but when I saw just how many bad reviews didn't make it through, it felt as bad as the good reviews not actually reviewing anything. So I powered through, and honestly, it was worth finishing. The author really got back on track and it was a great ending.
Valente has in fact given us a Eurovision, glitter punk, electric baby with Douglas Adams, her writing fantastical and humorous, her characters vapid but in a washed-out musician kind of way. She really thought about this book, creating droves of aliens and probably destroying a number of thesauri to bring them to life. We follow Decibel Jones of the "oh you haven't heard of it, well we used to be a thing" Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeros. A washed-up, no longer active glitter punk band who is an amalgam of every band you probably are thinking of when trying to grasp what that description means.
The book opens with a wonderfully witty description of how there is in fact other life out there in the universe, life is easy to come by, they've just been off doing a galactic war and while they were gone we kind of popped up. Life is stupid. This part is the best part of the book. The humor is on point, the prose magnificant. She is spot on and very pointed in her argument for why war happens. It's people vs meat, and how does one determine something isn't meat, but in fact sentient? Well, no one really figured that out, hence the galactic war, but NOW post-war they think they've figured it out. Intergalactic Music competition. Makes sense, only something sentient could create music right?
Well, this year is a special year because Earth is invited, we've been deemed "may be sentient", but questionable enough that they'd rather not let us just hang out and become annoying someday. So we have to present a band and performance for consideration. We just have to not place last. If we don't place last, we're part of the club and we'll be a-ok. If we place last, we'll be destroyed, because they already think we're annoying and that will mean we're meat. People vs meat remember?
So, one day everyone on the planet earth, everyone, awake or sleeping is visited by the blue birdlike projection of our assigned guides, the Esca, and alien species that are new to the whole being accepted as a sentient thing, and will guide us through the competition. Which it is now telling us about, Suprise! They've chosen a list of musicians they think will do well, however it's outdated and only one band is really able to do it, the has-beens, who are they, Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeros. Time was rough on our glam-punk friends as it tends to be on musicians, they lost the third member about a decade ago, the two remaining no longer talk. Decibel is a trainwreck, and Oort St Ultraviolet is now just a dad who very much wants to be a regular dude. But now they're being whisked off into space to sing for the world's salvation.
Sounds pretty fun right? This plus Douglas Adams type prose and humor? A real knock out. Unfortunately, that story I just described takes up... maybe a quarter of the book, MAYBE. You can pull the main story out and put it into a book that might be too small to be a novella. Because of this, the backstory, development, and exploration of these characters are slim to nothing. There is some mind you, but very little. It isn't until the 180pg mark or so that Valente actually decides to focus on the plot, giving very little time to do the entire Grand Prix, the actual competition takes up a page. A 288-page book about a singing competition and only 1-2 pages is actually the singing competition. Tack on another 10 maybe for the weird cocktail death party right before, that didn't have enough attempted death to make any real point of it, plus maybe another 5-10 scattered throughout the book on the back story and leading up to the story, and we've got MAYBE 25 pages of the actual plot. My math is wrong, I know, but it sure FEELS like this.
So, in a 288-page book, with 25 pages being the actual story, what are the other 263 pages? It was the author being somewhat... I don't mean to sound mean, but full of herself? She tried WAY too hard on this style she was going for. It felt like an "oh, you liked that opening chapter, didn't you? You totally read it out loud to your boyfriend, well here let me give it to you again, and again, and ... again". This book suffers from a severe case of needing to be edited. Of someone saying "that's enough now dear, but what about the story". Every few pages of the backstory of the plot we got were met with full chapters, sometimes multiple of Valente describing yet another alien species she's created, in yet another chain of witty simile and metaphor. To the point where sometimes I no longer knew what was happening, they were all interchangeable, which alien are we talking about now? It went on and on and on, and I never knew how such humorous writing could be just so soul suckingly boring. When she ran out of aliens it was describing previous grand prix's and how the aliens sang. In the exact same, formulaic, witty simile, witty simile, witty simile. Don't get me wrong, there were some absolute gems in here. Some that made me laugh out loud. But it's all about the ratio. I would trade in a heartbeat the ratio in this book. 263 pages of plot, and 25 pages of aliens described in witty simile. It took everything in my power after the third alien chapter to not skim. But she fit so much into a sentence that I was scared somewhere hiding would be a plot point (spoiler alert, there wasn't, skim away).
Then around the 180 page mark, a flip was switched, it was almost as if she went "crap, a story!" the adjective use was slimmed down dramatically and we actually got more than one chapter in a row with a plot point. But at this point, it was too late, the end of the book was hurdling at us and very little had happened and the book pretty much fizzled out with an "oh yeah, the Grand Prix happened". Mind you, the finale was very heartwarming and I liked it a lot. I just wish I hadn't had to read a full chapter about hairbrush interspecies sex to get there, and instead had more of it. But ironically, the hairbrush sex had more plot advancement that the majority of the book.
The ending did, however, for one moment, make me forget that I had just read an encyclopedia of descriptors and was happy for a few minutes. So good on her for that. That proves to me that she can write more than glittery descriptions, which then made me sad I didn't have more of that writing. With just a spattering of the gold of her opening chapters. I am glad I finished the book, the story, what little there was, was worth the read. However, I have no desire to read any other of Valente's writing now, and if there was a sequel, I just don't think I have it in me to read another 263 pages of description. Cool idea, good ability, just terribly executed. She could easily have released a separate book, expanding on a handful of species she established in the book, like an alien compendium, and I would have read it, and laughed, and been okay because I went into it expecting it. But I went into this wanting a story, not a neon throwup encyclopedia of just how "oh so creative" Valente is. That came off harsh, I know, but they blew past the fine line of interesting and well into the self-serving, look what I can do, territory. What suffered for it wasn't just a large number of DNFs, and my sanity for a few days, but an actually interesting, fun, Eurovision, glitter punk, heartwarming story about loss, life, how stupid it is, how beautiful it is, and why we should fight for it. It's in there, hiding beneath the layers and layers of word vomit. I want that story. Please release a second edition that is just that, the opening, and say... 3-5 of your favorite aliens Valente, I promise I'll give it another try if you do.
Valente has in fact given us a Eurovision, glitter punk, electric baby with Douglas Adams, her writing fantastical and humorous, her characters vapid but in a washed-out musician kind of way. She really thought about this book, creating droves of aliens and probably destroying a number of thesauri to bring them to life. We follow Decibel Jones of the "oh you haven't heard of it, well we used to be a thing" Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeros. A washed-up, no longer active glitter punk band who is an amalgam of every band you probably are thinking of when trying to grasp what that description means.
The book opens with a wonderfully witty description of how there is in fact other life out there in the universe, life is easy to come by, they've just been off doing a galactic war and while they were gone we kind of popped up. Life is stupid. This part is the best part of the book. The humor is on point, the prose magnificant. She is spot on and very pointed in her argument for why war happens. It's people vs meat, and how does one determine something isn't meat, but in fact sentient? Well, no one really figured that out, hence the galactic war, but NOW post-war they think they've figured it out. Intergalactic Music competition. Makes sense, only something sentient could create music right?
Well, this year is a special year because Earth is invited, we've been deemed "may be sentient", but questionable enough that they'd rather not let us just hang out and become annoying someday. So we have to present a band and performance for consideration. We just have to not place last. If we don't place last, we're part of the club and we'll be a-ok. If we place last, we'll be destroyed, because they already think we're annoying and that will mean we're meat. People vs meat remember?
So, one day everyone on the planet earth, everyone, awake or sleeping is visited by the blue birdlike projection of our assigned guides, the Esca, and alien species that are new to the whole being accepted as a sentient thing, and will guide us through the competition. Which it is now telling us about, Suprise! They've chosen a list of musicians they think will do well, however it's outdated and only one band is really able to do it, the has-beens, who are they, Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeros. Time was rough on our glam-punk friends as it tends to be on musicians, they lost the third member about a decade ago, the two remaining no longer talk. Decibel is a trainwreck, and Oort St Ultraviolet is now just a dad who very much wants to be a regular dude. But now they're being whisked off into space to sing for the world's salvation.
Sounds pretty fun right? This plus Douglas Adams type prose and humor? A real knock out. Unfortunately, that story I just described takes up... maybe a quarter of the book, MAYBE. You can pull the main story out and put it into a book that might be too small to be a novella. Because of this, the backstory, development, and exploration of these characters are slim to nothing. There is some mind you, but very little. It isn't until the 180pg mark or so that Valente actually decides to focus on the plot, giving very little time to do the entire Grand Prix, the actual competition takes up a page. A 288-page book about a singing competition and only 1-2 pages is actually the singing competition. Tack on another 10 maybe for the weird cocktail death party right before, that didn't have enough attempted death to make any real point of it, plus maybe another 5-10 scattered throughout the book on the back story and leading up to the story, and we've got MAYBE 25 pages of the actual plot. My math is wrong, I know, but it sure FEELS like this.
So, in a 288-page book, with 25 pages being the actual story, what are the other 263 pages? It was the author being somewhat... I don't mean to sound mean, but full of herself? She tried WAY too hard on this style she was going for. It felt like an "oh, you liked that opening chapter, didn't you? You totally read it out loud to your boyfriend, well here let me give it to you again, and again, and ... again". This book suffers from a severe case of needing to be edited. Of someone saying "that's enough now dear, but what about the story". Every few pages of the backstory of the plot we got were met with full chapters, sometimes multiple of Valente describing yet another alien species she's created, in yet another chain of witty simile and metaphor. To the point where sometimes I no longer knew what was happening, they were all interchangeable, which alien are we talking about now? It went on and on and on, and I never knew how such humorous writing could be just so soul suckingly boring. When she ran out of aliens it was describing previous grand prix's and how the aliens sang. In the exact same, formulaic, witty simile, witty simile, witty simile. Don't get me wrong, there were some absolute gems in here. Some that made me laugh out loud. But it's all about the ratio. I would trade in a heartbeat the ratio in this book. 263 pages of plot, and 25 pages of aliens described in witty simile. It took everything in my power after the third alien chapter to not skim. But she fit so much into a sentence that I was scared somewhere hiding would be a plot point (spoiler alert, there wasn't, skim away).
Then around the 180 page mark, a flip was switched, it was almost as if she went "crap, a story!" the adjective use was slimmed down dramatically and we actually got more than one chapter in a row with a plot point. But at this point, it was too late, the end of the book was hurdling at us and very little had happened and the book pretty much fizzled out with an "oh yeah, the Grand Prix happened". Mind you, the finale was very heartwarming and I liked it a lot. I just wish I hadn't had to read a full chapter about hairbrush interspecies sex to get there, and instead had more of it. But ironically, the hairbrush sex had more plot advancement that the majority of the book.
The ending did, however, for one moment, make me forget that I had just read an encyclopedia of descriptors and was happy for a few minutes. So good on her for that. That proves to me that she can write more than glittery descriptions, which then made me sad I didn't have more of that writing. With just a spattering of the gold of her opening chapters. I am glad I finished the book, the story, what little there was, was worth the read. However, I have no desire to read any other of Valente's writing now, and if there was a sequel, I just don't think I have it in me to read another 263 pages of description. Cool idea, good ability, just terribly executed. She could easily have released a separate book, expanding on a handful of species she established in the book, like an alien compendium, and I would have read it, and laughed, and been okay because I went into it expecting it. But I went into this wanting a story, not a neon throwup encyclopedia of just how "oh so creative" Valente is. That came off harsh, I know, but they blew past the fine line of interesting and well into the self-serving, look what I can do, territory. What suffered for it wasn't just a large number of DNFs, and my sanity for a few days, but an actually interesting, fun, Eurovision, glitter punk, heartwarming story about loss, life, how stupid it is, how beautiful it is, and why we should fight for it. It's in there, hiding beneath the layers and layers of word vomit. I want that story. Please release a second edition that is just that, the opening, and say... 3-5 of your favorite aliens Valente, I promise I'll give it another try if you do.
Ross (3284 KP) rated Stranger Things - Season 2 in TV
Nov 17, 2017
A great series following on from the ground-breaking first. Extra characters are revealed and the current characters are explored in more detail as they grow and mature. The addition of Paul Reiser and Sean Astin was simply inspired, somehow managing to conjure up memories of Aliens, The Goonies, LoTR and ... erm ... My Two Dads.
There are the usual geeky references here and there (the boys dressed as ghostbusters and awkwardly discussing why Lucas should be Winston; Eleven wanting to wear the same Halloween costume as ET etc etc).
The action was a little slow to get going in the first few episodes, but it was still enjoyable viewing all the same, getting the chance to see the boys in action without the fear or tension from the events of the first series.
I feel a bit sorry for the actor playing Will - he is a bit like Doug from The Hangover - barely there and when he is there he is quite weedy and annoying.
For me Hopper was the star of the series showing his paternal side with Eleven while still being the strong leader/father figure that some of the boys don't have.
The only slight negative I had was the timeline of the DemaDog's growth - it seemed to take almost a year for the slug that Will coughed up to grow to the size of a frog and then from there it became dog-sized in a matter of days. Unless these were separate creatures and I have mistaken this but, a la Prometheus, this wasn't all that well explained. It could just be the incredible nutritious qualities of nougat.
All in all another excellent series and a taste of more to come, possibly with Max's brother (a dead-ringer for Jason Patric in The Lost Boys) and Dustin (with his Corey Haim hair at the Snow Ball) teaming up to battle vampires.
There are the usual geeky references here and there (the boys dressed as ghostbusters and awkwardly discussing why Lucas should be Winston; Eleven wanting to wear the same Halloween costume as ET etc etc).
The action was a little slow to get going in the first few episodes, but it was still enjoyable viewing all the same, getting the chance to see the boys in action without the fear or tension from the events of the first series.
I feel a bit sorry for the actor playing Will - he is a bit like Doug from The Hangover - barely there and when he is there he is quite weedy and annoying.
For me Hopper was the star of the series showing his paternal side with Eleven while still being the strong leader/father figure that some of the boys don't have.
The only slight negative I had was the timeline of the DemaDog's growth - it seemed to take almost a year for the slug that Will coughed up to grow to the size of a frog and then from there it became dog-sized in a matter of days. Unless these were separate creatures and I have mistaken this but, a la Prometheus, this wasn't all that well explained. It could just be the incredible nutritious qualities of nougat.
All in all another excellent series and a taste of more to come, possibly with Max's brother (a dead-ringer for Jason Patric in The Lost Boys) and Dustin (with his Corey Haim hair at the Snow Ball) teaming up to battle vampires.
Ross (3284 KP) rated Alien: Covenant (2017) in Movies
Dec 18, 2017
Didn't feel like an Alien film (no suspense) (1 more)
Doesn't repair the bad feelings left by Prometheus
Where Prometheus came kind of close to explaining the origins of the aliens from the original films, it just fell short (see all the well documented plot holes and inconsistencies). Here, Ridley Scott had a chance to remedy that, but instead seems to have decided to keep digging and has promised we'll eventually get there and all will be revealed.
We are led to believe android David has been beavering away, having killed a planet full of Engineers, developing the greatest living being - the xenomorph. So we are led to believe that after killing all the life on the planet he has somehow been implanting these alien embryos into a living host. Erm ... How?
Also, if the classic xenomorph has only now started to develop after being incubated in a human host, how come they were clearly depicted in ancient cave drawings in Alien vs Predator?
Also also, if the facehugger is apparently a more efficient delivery method than air-borne (I don't think it is) how come it takes so much longer in the original films - John Hurt lying with a facehugger on for hours before hatching, where here the whole gestation seems to be minutes, or an hour as the pace of the film requires. The evolution seems to have slowed down between here and Alien. Also the chestburster becomes an instant killing machine rather than being a weak little snake needing to hide out and eat.
The trademark Alien suspense was completely lacking. Nowhere was there the edge of the seat, dark corridors, pipes coming alive or anything. It was more of an action film with little horror aspect in it.
Overall, this film felt like even more of an insult to the original films than Prometheus did. It could well be that this becomes a small part of a masterpiece but it seems very unlikely and feels like a very long way round and poorly delivered.
We are led to believe android David has been beavering away, having killed a planet full of Engineers, developing the greatest living being - the xenomorph. So we are led to believe that after killing all the life on the planet he has somehow been implanting these alien embryos into a living host. Erm ... How?
Also, if the classic xenomorph has only now started to develop after being incubated in a human host, how come they were clearly depicted in ancient cave drawings in Alien vs Predator?
Also also, if the facehugger is apparently a more efficient delivery method than air-borne (I don't think it is) how come it takes so much longer in the original films - John Hurt lying with a facehugger on for hours before hatching, where here the whole gestation seems to be minutes, or an hour as the pace of the film requires. The evolution seems to have slowed down between here and Alien. Also the chestburster becomes an instant killing machine rather than being a weak little snake needing to hide out and eat.
The trademark Alien suspense was completely lacking. Nowhere was there the edge of the seat, dark corridors, pipes coming alive or anything. It was more of an action film with little horror aspect in it.
Overall, this film felt like even more of an insult to the original films than Prometheus did. It could well be that this becomes a small part of a masterpiece but it seems very unlikely and feels like a very long way round and poorly delivered.