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The Priory of the Orange Tree
The Priory of the Orange Tree
Samantha Shannon | 2019 | Fiction & Poetry, Science Fiction/Fantasy
10
8.3 (4 Ratings)
Book Rating
AMAZING epic fantasy.
Holy COW, you guys. I keep saying “I haven’t read much epic fantasy lately” and “I don’t have time to read such long books/series” but I made an exception for Priory, and I’m SO glad I did. Just WOW.

So the basic premise of this world is that The Nameless One (some gigantic evil dragon) was locked away a thousand years ago, and all his minions with him. The exact details of how and who did it have been mostly lost to history. It’s said that as long as the House of Berethnet rules Inys, he’ll never rise again, and Berethnet queens always have one child, a daughter. The current queen, however, is unwed, and minions of The Nameless One have begun rising, and in fact have conquered a few neighboring nations. We have three main factions of countries; The East, who have dragon riders, but make a distinction between their dragons, who are aquatic and identify with the stars, and the evil minions of The Nameless One, who are full of fire. Then we have Virtudom, which is headed by Inys, and is a coalition of countries who have made a religion of the Knightly Virtues. This is the West, and they make no distinction between the draconic servants of The Nameless One and the water dragons of the East. This has forced a split between the West and the East, because Virtudom won’t have anything to do with countries that have anything to do with dragons, because most of what they see is the third faction – the Draconic countries. These are countries conquered by minions of the Nameless One, and they are full of chaos, fire, evil, and plague.

This is the world the book opens on. Most of our main characters – Queen Sabran, her handmaiden Ead, the dragonrider Tané – are women, but we also have Doctor Niclays Roos, an alchemist, and Lord Arteloth Beck, a friend of the Queen. In this world, women are just as capable as men, and are treated as such. There are female knights, and same-sex relationships are just as ordinary as opposite-sex ones. There is a bit too much moral emphasis placed on monogamy/sex within the bounds of marriage, but I guess that’s “Knightly Virtue” for you. Skin color is only mentioned a couple of times, but I seem to remember Lord Arteloth being described as very dark-skinned, and Ead as golden-brown. Rather nice to see a fantasy NOT all caught up in racial and gender differences. Not to say there isn’t a fair amount of bigotry, but in this book it’s based pretty much solely on nationality and religion. And when the biggest sticking point is “do you like evil dragons or not” that kind of makes sense!

I think the only thing I didn’t like about this book was its size. It’s unwieldy to read, at over 800 pages! I’m not sure why they didn’t break it into a duology. Regardless, if you have the choice, I’d read it on Kindle. It would be far easier to handle. I’m not complaining about the amount of text, mind you. Just the sheer physical size. I can’t imagine the story being told in less time. There’s So. Much. Here.

This book goes from Queen Sabran’s court to the dragonrider academy in the East, to the draconic kingdom of Yscalin, to the Abyss where the Nameless One sleeps. We see glittering courts, hidden islands, sweltering tunnels through volcanic mountains, and deep valleys with secret magic trees. We battle wyrms and cockatrices, swim through endless seas with dragonriders, sail through storms with pirate crews, and navigate the trickiest of diplomatic matters with courtiers. The Priory of the Orange Tree paints an elaborate, incredibly complex world and I am absolutely here for it.

Okay, so one tiny quibble – while I liked the romance, I feel like it started kind of oddly. I didn’t see any reason for the initial spark. From there, it progressed perfectly, but I just didn’t get the beginning.

This book has multiple queer couples! There’s at least one same-sex couple mentioned as attending a party; Doctor Roos spends a lot of time mourning his dead lover, and there’s the lesbian romance between a couple of main characters. And one character has at least strong affection for a man before falling in love with a woman; I think she was in love with both. No trans or ace rep, but plenty of gay, lesbian, and bi!

This is hands-down the best book I’ve read so far this year. It took me three days – it’s a big book – but it is absolutely fantastic.

You can find all my reviews at http://goddessinthestacks.com
  
Bermuda Pirates
Bermuda Pirates
2019 | Action, Kids Game, Pirates, Transportation
The Bermuda Triangle. The area within the Atlantic Ocean that is rumored to be home of an aquatic black hole through which people and ships have gone inexplicably missing for years. What an excellent theme for a board game! I must admit, I learned of this game via one of Marco Arnaudo’s con videos and just had to have it. Was I bamboozled or is this a great game? Well, the ratings graphic above spoils that, but why is it so?


Bermuda Pirates pits players against each other in a mad dash to collect a set of colored gems from the middle island and bring them back to the home port first. Pirates (the players) will be encountering whirlpool vortexes along the way and can even place buoys to remind themselves to steer clear. The first player to bring back a whole set of gems successfully will be the winner!
To setup, first place the bracket piece (can only be seen partially in the final photo) in the middle of the table. Next orient the first layer of four square tiles (unseen in photos) on the bracket and then place the game board atop the tiles. Place flags upon the bracket nubs and matching gems at their bases. Each player chooses a color, takes the boat and buoys of that color and places them near the land with the matching dock color. The game may now begin!

On a player’s turn they must begin their journey from their home dock toward the center island to collect gems. They move their boat using one finger at the stern of the boat and pushing it across the board. Players will know when the boat has hit a hidden whirlpool when the magnets within the boat and within the board meet and create sudden resistance. The player may then place a buoy on that spot to remind themselves, and opponents, where a potential whirlpool spot is located. Should the player make a whirlpool-free trek to the central island, they must dock and collect a gem. From here the player must decide to either return back to their home dock to bank the gem or continue to collect gems before returning home.


Once a player has decided to return home with gem(s) aboard, they must take care not to hit whirlpools along the way because once the boat and whirlpool meet the boat will stop and the gems will fly across the board or even off the board. Those gems that land in the sea stay on the board to be collected by ANY player, and those gems that leave the board are lost forever. Herein lies the fun of Bermuda Pirates. Seeing gems flying will give players of any age and ability a giant piratey smile. The game ends once all players have had an equal amount of turns, and those pirates who have collected a set of one gem of each color will be the winners!
Components. I would certainly be remiss if I did not congratulate the designer and manufacturer of Bermuda Pirates for an absolutely gorgeous game with ingenious components. You see, the magnets that trip up the boats are hidden within that first layer of tiles that are placed on the bracket underneath the main game board. But even if you were to inspect these tiles, you would not necessarily know exactly where the magnets are placed. So every game will be different because of the order and orientation of the tiles setup. Bravo! Truly wonderful outside-the-box designing here. Yes, all the cardboard and plastic pieces are also great quality, but the ingenuity is what makes this one special.

I cannot say enough good things about Bermuda Pirates. My 4-year-old has a BLAST playing this one (even though the box says 7+. Shh, don’t tell anyone)! Seeing his face light up every time the gems go a-flying is just pure joy for a parent. Even when my wife and I played just the two of us, we were smiling the entire time we played. It’s that kind of game.

Bermuda Pirates will probably never reach my Top 10 Games of All Time list, but I certainly will hold onto it and cherish it in my collection. I think this game can work with any group of gamers of any skill or experience level. It is simply a joy to play as you push along your little boat hoping upon hope not to run into the whirlpool and have your four gems strewn about the ocean. Or placing the buoys just ever so slightly in the wrong location so that your opponents accidentally run into the whirlpool by trying a tangential approach. My family loves this game, and that is why Purple Phoenix Games gives this a very family-friendly piratey 10 / 12. If you are looking for something light and dextrous, with a great theme and excellent production quality, please check out Bermuda Pirates. It will definitely be a hit with anyone you introduce to it.
  
The Shape of Water  (2017)
The Shape of Water (2017)
2017 | Drama, Fantasy
A mystical tale of fish and fingers.
With perfect timing after scooping 13 Oscar nominations, “The Shape of Water” arrives for preview screenings in the UK. Is it worth all the hype?

Well, in a word, yes.

Not since Spielberg entranced the world in 1982 with a love story between an isolated and lonely child and an alien, stranded a million light-years from home, have we seen a magical fairy-tale so well told.

Cleaning up at the (box) office. Sally Hawkins and Doug Jones as the creature.
Here Lewisham’s own Sally Hawkins (“Paddington”, “Godzilla“) plays Elisa Esposito, an attractive but mousy mute living above a cinema and next door to her best friend: a struggling artist called Giles (Richard Jenkins). Sexually-frustrated, Elisa works out those tensions in the bath every morning before heading off to work as a cleaner at a government research institute. Together with partner Zelda Fuller (Octavia Spencer, “Hidden Figures“) she is asked to clean a highly secured room where a mysterious aquatic creature is being studied by the cruel and militaristic Strickland (Michael Shannon, “Midnight Special“, “Nocturnal Animals“) and the more compassionate scientist Hoffstetler. (The latter is played by Michael Stuhlbarg (“Miss Sloane“, “Steve Jobs“) in a performance that wasn’t recognised by the Academy, but for me really held the film’s story together). Elisa forms a relationship with the creature, and as the scientific investigations turn darker, she becomes determined to help him.

When you think about it, the similarities in the screenplay with E.T. are quite striking. But this is most definitely not a kid’s film, containing full frontal nudity, sex and some considerable violence, some of it “hands-over-the-eyes” worthy. Most of this violence comes courtesy of Shannon’s character, who is truly monstrous. He is uncontrollably vicious, single-minded and amoral: a hand over the mouth to silence his wife during vigourous sex cleverly belies where his true lust currently lies. (Shannon is just so convincing in all of his roles that, after “Nocturnal Animals“, it is a bit of a surprise to see that he is still alive and well!)
It’s worth pointing out for balance at this point that my wife thought this portrayal was over-egged for its villany, and she rated the film less highly than I did because of it.

Michael Shannon as evil incarnate.
So its no Oscar nomination this time for Shannon as a supporting actor. But that honour goes to Richard Jenkins, who is spectacularly good as the movie-musical-loving and pie-munching neighbour who is drawn unwillingly into Elisa’s plans. Giles is a richly fashioned character – also the film’s narrator – who struggles to fit in with the cruel and rascist 1962 world that he finds himself in. “Sometimes I think I was born too early or too late for my life” he bemoans to the creature whose loneliness he relates to. A scene in a cafe where he fastidiously wipes all traces of pie-filling from his tongue is masterfully done.

Richard Hawkins and Sally Hawkins, hatching a plan.
Octavia Spencer is also Oscar nominated for Best Supporting Actress, and it’s a magical partnership she shares with Hawkins, with each bouncing off each other wonderfully.

This leads to a ‘no brainer’ Oscar nomination for Sally Hawkins who delivers a star turn. She has to go through such a huge range of emotions in this film, and she genuinely makes you really care about the outcome like few films this year. It’s a little tricky since I haven’t seen “I Tonya” or “Ladybird” yet, but I would have thought that Ms Hawkins is going to possibly give Frances McDormand the closest run for her money on March 4th. My money would still be on McDormand for “3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri“, but the Oscar voters are bound to love “The Shape of Water”. For like “La La Land” last year, the film is (rather surprisingly for me) another love letter to Hollywood’s golden years, with Elisa and Giles living out their lives with classic movie music and dance numbers: a medium that Elisa only ever truly finds here “voice” through.

Eliza and Zelda about to give two fingers to the establishment.
In the technical categories the Oscar nominations were for Cinematography (Dan Laustsen); Film Editing (Sidney Wolinsky); Sound Editing (Nathan Robitaille and Nelson Ferreira); Sound Mixing (Glen Gauthier, Christian Cooke and Brad Zoern); Production Design (Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin and Shane Vieau); Original Score (Alexandre Desplat) and Costume Design (Luis Sequeira). And you really wouldn’t want to bet against any of these not to win, for the film is a technical delight. Right from the dreamlike opening titles (arguably, they missed a deserved nomination here for Visual Effects), the film is gorgeous to look at, with such brilliant detail in the production design that there is interesting stuff to look at in every frame. And the film editing is extraordinary: Elisa wobbles on the bucket she’s standing on, but it’s Strickland’s butt, perched on a table, that slips off. This is a film that deserves multiple repeat viewings.

The monster feeding the monster. Nick Searcy as General Hoyt with Strickland (Michael Shannon).
An the helm is the multi-talented Guillermo del Toro (“Pacific Rim”, “Crimson Peak”) who both directed and co-wrote the exceptionally smart screenplay (with Vanessa Taylor, “Divergent”) and is nominated for both. I actually found the story to be rather predictable, as regards Elisa’s story arc, but that in no way reduced my enjoyment of the film. For the “original screenplay” is nothing if not “original”…. it’s witty, intelligent and shocking at different turns.

The violence and sex won’t be for everyone… but this is a deep and rich movie experience that everyone who loves the movies should at least appreciate… hopefully in a dry cinema!
  
Way Too Many Cats!
Way Too Many Cats!
2022 | Animals
Before we had children and pets my wife and I would love to visit the humane societies back home on a Saturday morning. Sometimes looking for ourselves, sometimes just to see the lovelies being kept, and maybe once or twice volunteering to walk the animals. One place I never really enjoyed visiting was the cat room. I am a dog person. Actually, the older I get, the more I am becoming strictly an aquatic animal lover. Give me a 55 gallon saltwater tank and I’ll be happy raising my Firefish Gobies and Coral Beauty Angelfish. However, when I was asked to preview Way Too Many Cats, I just couldn’t say no. One of my favorite publishers calls for help, I will do my best. Just know I wish it were fish themed instead of cats. Cats…

Way Too Many Cats is a cat and kitten drafting and spatial puzzle game for one to six players. In it, players work at feline adoption centers with the goal of having all stock adopted. To do this, players will be placing specific cats adjacent to other favorable cats for points, giving kittens a habitat of their own, and even supplying the cats with toys. The player who completes these tasks most effectively by the end of the game will score the most points and win!

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


To setup, each player receives an adoption center board, starter cat tile, and a reference card. The kitten and toy tokens are placed into the provided bag to be shuffled and drawn later. The stack of adoptable cats is shuffled, and four drawn and revealed to create Cat Alley (from which players will be drafting). Nearby, three stacks of kitten/toy tokens are made with one stack containing one token, the next stack containing two, and the final stack containing three tokens. The starting player marker is given to the player who most recently pet a cat (aka probably attacked by a cat) and the game may begin!
A game of Way Too Many Cats lasts many rounds, and ends once all players have had the same amount of turns and one player having completely filled their adoption center. On a turn, the active player will take one mandatory action, and then will choose to take another two actions. The mandatory action that all players take each turn is to Choose a Token Set and Cat Card(s) and Place Them. A bit wordy, but this is a prototype, so I will let it slide. In any case, the player will choose to (1) take the smallest group of tokens and two Cat tiles of their choice, (2) take the mid-sized group of tokens and one Cat tile of their choice, or (3) take the largest group of tokens and the right-most Cat tile from Cat Alley (the offer row). Once the choice has been made and all components taken, the player then refreshes Cat Alley by sliding all tiles to the right and refilling to four tiles. Also, the player pulls three tokens from the bag and adds one to each group of tokens on the table. Note, as the player has just chosen a group of tokens, one of the groups will be empty until they place a token there – thus creating the smallest group and embiggening (I’m on a Marvel kick right now) the other two groups.

As an optional second action, the player may choose to give any cat in their adoption center a toy from their personal supply. Cat tiles show icons for toys that the cat will appreciate, though not every cat is into toys. Note, the toy tokens may be given to the cats on any turn, and even at the end of the game just before scoring.

Finally, at the end of the turn, the player may Create a Kitten Habitat by discarding three toy tokens to the bag. The player then designates a space on their adoption center to be the kitty haven and it can house any number of kittens.

Once a player fills their last adoption center slot, the end game is triggered. Players will finish out the round so that all have an equal amount of turns. Then, points are tallied and scored following an involved scoring process. Points in this game are scored in numerous ways. Firstly, the starter cats are scored, and then each type of cat is scored. For example, the paw icon on cat tiles earn 1 VP for each adjacent cat of a different color. Each ball of yarn icon on cat tiles scores 2 VP. The goldfish cracker icon scores 2 VP for each adjacent cat or kitten sporting a ball of yarn icon. Finally, the feather icon scores 3/7/12/18 VP for each group of adjacent feather cats of train size 2/3/4/5 cats. So placement is very important in this game. Not enough scoring?

Players will score more points for kittens and for specific icons on cat tiles. 15 VP is awarded to a player who holds a complete set of the seven different types of kitten tokens, while another 8 VP is earned for holding a set of four matching kitten types. The player receives a -2VP penalty for each kitten token not associated with either type of set nor in a habitat on the board. Additionally, for each cat tile on the board, special scoring will be earned for supplying the tile with the requested toy, or placing it in the preferred space in the center, or even for other adjacency considerations.


Players will be scoring hundreds of points, and hopefully having their felines adopted by unsuspecting travelers and goo-goo eyed children. The player with the most VP at the end of the game is the winner!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so I know that these are not final components at all. Having had many opportunities to preview for Weird Giraffe Games now, I am confident that the final game will be sparkling with upgrades and cool features. To reiterate, my interest in the theme is on the lower side, as I am not a cat person, but I can definitely understand the theme and it works well with this type of game. I guarantee that you will be able to spot Way Too Many Cats in stores right away because that box art is super colorful and busy. I do enjoy the cartoony art style, and it fits the theme really well. The final version of the game will undoubtedly affect this paragraph in the future, but for now this is well on the way to being a very solid title with regards to components, artwork, and theme.

But do I like it? Surprisingly, yes I do. Quite a bit. Theme goes a really long way with me, but I have been known to enjoy other games with themes that don’t necessarily resonate with me, so perhaps “surprising” isn’t the best term here. I really enjoy the spatial puzzle aspect of the game. I highlighted puzzle because that’s exactly what is going on here. When I am playing, I have to debate whether to take all those kitten tokens to complete my sets and be stuck with the right-most card, or perhaps taking the smallest group is more beneficial so that I can draft the two best cards for what I am building on my board. Is it really worth it to me to grab Taco just because I am starting to realize I have a food themed cat dispensary? Why does this cat need a scratching post token when it’s clearly been de-clawed?? These are serious questions, folks!

I kid, but only because this is a very light game, and one that I think works well in many situations. Have newer to intermediate level players coming over tonight? Grab Way Too Many Cats! Having an animal-themed game night? Pull this one out! Sticking with a mechanic-specific lineup? You got it. Now, I haven’t seen the Kickstarter page yet, nor have I asked Carla (the designer) what the plans are for it, but I know this one is close to many peoples’ hearts, so I imagine it will get all the love that’s possible in making this a wonder in a box. The mechanics are there. The theme is… great for some. Way Too Many Cats is a thinker in a catsuit disguise, but it is not too heavy to turn off casual or intermediate gamers. I can certainly add my stamp of approval and recommend checking out Way Too Many Cats. Look for it to hit Kickstarter in February and click here to be notified on launch. You will probably want to get in on this project early if any of this sounds appealing to you.

PS – How many catfolk did I offend in this preview? How many aquarists have I now befriended? What up, my peeps!