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Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Oh...hell, no!
HELLBOY?!? HELL NO!

I would imagine that about 90% of my readership just got what they needed out of my review with that first line and have moved on. For the rest of you, I will now explain why this reboot of HELLBOY is now the "leader in the clubhouse" for worst picture of 2019.

I was pleasantly surprised by the 2004 Guillermo del Toro helmed and written HELLBOY and was even more surprised by how good the del Toro written and helmed HELLBOY II: THE GOLD ARMY (2008) was. I think that this was because there was a driving force - and vision - from a true auteur and was a perfect combination of material and artistic staff - including Ron Perlman in the title role.

This version of HELLBOY has none of that. No vision, no driving force and a "B" performance by David Harbour in the title role. It feels like what it is - a cash grab. I blame the studio who produced this film - Summit Entertainment - for "going on the cheap" on this one.

First off, they tapped a "B Movie" Director, Neil Marshall to Direct this thing. He is known for such artistic successes as DOOMSDAY and THE DESCENT - horror flicks that were heavy on gore, short on characters and plot - and that is what he brought to this film. Why worry about characters, plot or any kind of engaging features (including Special FX) when you can show, yet again, a body getting torn apart and blood spurting all over the screen.

The studio also skimped on the performers. Instead of Perlman, Selma Blair, John Hurt and Doug Jones you get David Harbour, Daniel Dae Kim, Mila Jovovich and a sleep-walking, just give me my paycheck, Ian McShane. It's like watching the "road company" of a Broadway show. While the actors are game (with the notable exception of McShane), they are "B picture" actors, much like the Director.

And...much like the special FX. I knew, going in, that the early word on this film was not good, but that never stops me. I like to make up my own mind, so I thought I'd "pony up" for the IMAX experience to, at least, see the CGI and FX on as large a screen with as good a sound system as possible. I shouldn't have bothered, for the CGI and FX were mediocre (at best) and all the big screen and sound did was emphasize how low quality the CGI was.

And...finally...the pacing of this film is problematic, at best. This is certainly a film that was written and edited within an inch of it's life for the "short attention span" audience of today. The prevailing theory was "why linger on a plot or a character or a moment when we can quick cut to another body getting pulled in two and watch a plume of blood spurt out in a giant arc)."

There are 2 scenes in the end credits to set up the next film(s) in this series. Films that I seriously doubt will be made. If they are, I hope they pump some more money into the budget and get a creative team with some artistic vision.

A swing and a miss.

Letter Grade: C (and I'm being generous)

4 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
  
Show all 3 comments.
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BankofMarquis (1832 KP) Apr 15, 2019

They did everything "on the cheap" - too bad, they are squandering a good property

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Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) Apr 16, 2019

Fantastic review, I'm going to see this tonight out of morbid curiosity.
My hope is that it's either surprisingly decent or it is absolute dogshit, I think if it's anywhere inbetween I'll come away disappointed.

A Haunting in Venice (2023)
A Haunting in Venice (2023)
2023 | Crime, Mystery
7
6.0 (6 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Well Crafted
Famed Agatha Christie Belgian Sleuth Hercule Poirot is a familiar figure on the screen - both large and small. He has been played numerous times by numerous performers, each one riffing on the famed mustached Detective and his “little grey cells” and and any performer who takes on this character must bear the weight of those who played the role before him.

In A HAUNTING IN VENICE, Kenneth Branagh’s 3rd go around as Poirot, Branagh has finally shaken off the Ghosts of Poirot’s Past and has made the part his own.

Based on the 1969 novel by Agatha Christie, HALLOWE’EN PARTY, Branagh (who also directed the film) imbues horror elements and the macabre to the whoddunit detective genre - largely to positive results.

As stated above, Branagh has finally made this version of Hercule Poirot his own, giving the detective (who, at the beginning of this film/novel, is in self-imposed retirement) some self-doubt and self-retrospection which helps drive the story, plot and intrigue of the story.

Branagh has populated this murder-mystery with strong performers from recent Oscar-winner Michelle Yeoh (EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE) to Jamie Dornan (Branagh’s BELFAST) to YELLOWSTONE’s Kelly Reilly. Each brings mystery and star power to their roles.

Special notice needs to be made of Comedienne Tina Fey who is tackling her first non-comedic role and largely sticks the landing. As a friend of the Detective from NYC, Fey more than holds her own in the many, many scenes she shares with Branagh. As is often the case with comediennes, there is more to be mined in Fey’s acting chops and here’s hoping she dives deeper into more serious roles.

Director Branagh smartly uses the setting and mood of this piece to craft a film experience that is eerie, spooky and claustrophobic. While it is being billed as a HORROR film, it is not. It is a tense, taught, macabre film, filled with fish-eye lens and blurred-focus shots, which makes the set design and cinematography complimentary to the story.

Which is important for this is, in the end, a drawing room murder-mystery and the audience’s enjoyment of this film will be in direct alignment with how the mystery plays out…and this mystery plays out well (enough). What it lacks in surprises, it more than makes up for in mood, atmosphere and character

And that makes for a very entertaining time at the Cinema.

Letter Grade: B+

7 1/2 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis).
  
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Sarah (7798 KP) rated Spree (2020) in Movies

Jan 24, 2021  
Spree (2020)
Spree (2020)
2020 | Comedy, Thriller
6
6.1 (10 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Different
In a world filled with YouTubers and social media influencers, it was inevitable that eventually we’d get a film shot in the style of a social media stream. We’ve seen similar with films like Unfriended and Searching, taking on the likes of social media whilst shot entirely from a webcam. However Spree is the first that I’ve seen that takes on social media almost entirely from live streaming or go pro recordings, and overall it’s a pretty decent attempt.

Spree is a 2020 comedy horror film starring Joe Keery as Kurt Kunkle, a failing social media influencer who works as a driver for a rideshare app called Spree. Fed up of his lack of viewers, Kurt decides to fit out his car with cameras and livestream “The Lesson”, where he instructs viewers on how to become famous on social media while picking up passengers and murdering them. One of the passengers he lets go is comedian Jessie Adams (Sasheer Zamata), a star and social media success who Kurt becomes obsessed with over the course of his murderous evening.

Spree is definitely a fun film. The comedic horror style works very well, especially in the first half although later on it does make way for a more serious side. There’s a decent amount of blood and gore too and it has a wonderfully cheesy B-movie vibe about it. What makes Spree so fun though is Joe Keery. His performance as an influencer is entirely believable and it’s his charisma and baby-faced innocence that makes this film watchable. He spends the entirety of the film like he’s high and hyped up on energy drinks and while this does make his performance a little over the top, this is exactly what Spree needs. David Arquette as Kurt’s dad also brings a lot of fun although his screen time is sadly lacking.

Despite Spree’s dark comedic feel, there’s a more serious story and commentary underlying this film. It might look as though it’s making light of social media influencers, but actually it’s making a rather serious point of the pressures and negatives of the constant need influencers have to be liked and obtain more followers. Kurt’s story is rather sad, and even the other characters like Jessie are shown to have their own stories but still stuck in the same social media behaviour. The live streams used to shoot most of this film, with the likes and comments from viewers, emphasise the pitfalls and real life issues with social media.

Admittedly this live stream method does get a little thin by the end of the 90 minute run time, and after the initial few murders, it’s only Keery’s performance that holds the film up to the end. It isn’t helped that aside from Kurt, none of his victims are particularly likeable and it makes them very difficult to relate to or care about. And this also goes for Jessie who despite her heroine status, becomes unlikeable due to how she too bows to the pressure of social media.

I’m not a fan of the YouTube and influencer revolution, so for me Spree was an interesting take on this and social media in general. It has a good point to make and a serious message, although this may be overshadowed by the dark comedy and horror. With a great turn from Joe Keery, it’s a fun film but not entirely memorable.
  
I Kissed a Girl
I Kissed a Girl
Jennet Alexander | 2021 | Fiction & Poetry, LGBTQ+, Romance
6
6.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
A fun movie set romance
Noa Birnbaum's dream is to work in the movies: in horror special effects and makeup. She finally gets a chance to work on a real movie (one step closer to joining the union), but it means dropping out of school, where she's earning her theater degree. Her parents won't be pleased. On the set, she's face to face with actress Lilah Silver, whom Noa has had a crush on for ages. Lilah has her own dreams, to move beyond B-list horror films and into true stardom. This starring role as the "final girl" could be her opportunity. When she meets openly out Noa, Lilah may finally have a chance to admit to her own bisexuality. But a relationship could have its own problems for both Lilah and Noa.

"Noa'd thrown away everything else in her life for this job. And now she was seriously considering throwing the job away for a chance at a girl? Stupid beyond words."

This is a cute story whose strength comes across in its representation--queer characters covering bi, trans, lesbian and more. There's also some excellent Jewish representation, as both Noa and Lilah bond over their religious beliefs. As a member of the LGBTQIA community, I love seeing stories that reflect myself and my friends. Watching Lilah grapple with her bisexuality and coming out and seeing Noa hang out with her friends, being openly out and accepted. These are still stories and characters we do not get to see and read about regularly. Even better, it seems like I read a lot of queer YA books, not a lot where the characters are adults (although they might not always act like it in this story, ha). It was fun and refreshing.

"Special effects artist had never been on the list of things Good Jewish Girls Did."

For me, this book was a little long. It could have been a bit shorter and would have felt more snappy. A lot of the focus in this story is on miscommunication, which is a pet peeve of mine. I just can't handle when so much of the plot could be avoided if the characters just spoke openly to one another. It's also not entirely clear why Noa crushes so much on Lilah, to the point that it seems that she can't rationalize clearly. A lot of this inability to communicate or think clearly leads to some back and forth storylines, so it seems like as if the plot zigs and zags. Up and down. Will Noa go for a relationship with Lilah or keep her job? Is Lilah willing to risk her career for her sexuality? Again, if things had been just a bit shorter, we probably could have skipped a bit of this.

Still, this is a fun story. While Lilah and Noa can be frustrating sometimes, they are engaging characters. The horror film set adds an interesting level to the book (there's another plot line involving Lilah and threats to her safety). It's a little long, but I appreciated all the queer and Jewish rep. 3+ stars.

I received a copy of this book from Sourcebooks Casablanca and Netgalley in return for an unbiased review. It releases 8/3/2021.
  
The Panda Chronicles Coloring Book
The Panda Chronicles Coloring Book
Anne Belov | 2015 | Humor & Comedy
10
10.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Review with image example can be found here: https://hazelstainer.wordpress.com/2016/07/15/who-says-pandas-are-black-and-white/

Who says pandas are all black and white?

Anne Belov is a satirical cartoonist with an obsession for pandas. She has published several books in <i>The Panda Chronicles</i> and has now produced a colouring book to go with the series. Pandas may seem like a peculiar subject for a colouring book since they are, as Belov puts it, “chromatically challenged,” however the world around them is bursting with different tints and shades.

The pandas featured in <i>The Panda Chronicles</i> are not the typical bears you might see in a zoo, or endangered in the wild. Anne Belov’s pandas get up to all sorts of mischief. In this colouring book you can expect to find pandas in all sorts of locations, wearing a variety of odd outfits, taking part in highly suspicious activities. So despite monochromatic fur, there is so much to add colour to.

<i>The Panda Chronicles Colouring Book</i> contains approximately 60 single sided illustrations. Although the paper feels quite thin, the lack of anything on the reverse means that it is safe to use any medium you wish to fill the drawing with colour.

Belov’s drawing approach is not the typical style of the hundreds of colouring books you see in stores – i.e. thick, precise lines and patterns. Belov sticks to her sketchy manner that she has used in all the chronicles thus far. In fact there is reason to believe (although do not quote this) that many of the illustrations are from the original books. While standing out in such a niche market, these particular pages may be more difficult to colour in. Some contain many scribbles rather than clear objects, however that does not detract from the overall fun guaranteed with this book.

Pandas in unconventional settings are a great cause for hilarity and satire. Not only is it funny that these bears are parodying human life, but the things they are up to are highly amusing. One particularly comical scene contains a mother panda telling her child off for being the cause of the <b>LEANING</b> Tower of Pisa, to which the youngster protests, “I didn’t do it! It was leaning when we got here!” The wittiness continues throughout the remainder of the book.

I bought this book hoping it would be suitable for my “pandamaniac” friend, who on occasion tells farcical stories about her (imaginary) friend <i>Miss Panda</i>. Anne Belov’s colouring book is the absolutely perfect present for her. It is almost as if the scenes are written/drawn about <i>Miss Panda</i> herself, despite the artist and my friend having never met… Unless… oh the horror! Maybe <i>Miss Panda</i> IS real!
  
NT
Neptune's Tears (Timedance, #1)
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Original Review posted on <a title="Neptune's Tears by Susan Waggoner" href="http://bookwyrming-thoughts.blogspot.com/2013/05/arc-review-neptunes-tears-by-susan-waggoner.html">Bookwyrming Thoughts</a>.

Note: Formatting is lost due to copy and paste.

<i><b>Disclaimer:</b> I received an ARC copy of the book from the publisher via Netgalley. My review is not influenced in any way.</i>

     In a futuristic London, England, seventeen-year-old Zee McAdams is an empath – a psychic healer – working at the Royal London Hospital. As an empath, she can't afford distractions getting in the way of her career, such as falling in love or even reading (oh, wait, reading? *squeak of horror*). But then she meets a cute patient who pretty much breaks down her wall of calm that she has earned throughout her career. During that time of anarchist bombings, Zee is also experiencing other psychic abilities relating to the bombings.

     As soon as the word "alien" appeared, I pretty much freaked out. I assumed it was going to be another I Am Number Four type of alien story where a mortal girl falls in love with super hot alien dude and it's forbidden but the alien dude hasn't told her the truth yet until something totally out of the ordinary happens and he has to tell her the truth (that was a mouthful... I think). Then when she finds out the truth, she doesn't freak out. It's pretty much, "Oh. Okay. You're an alien. Cool. I still like you, and we'll fight to the end, side by side." Not that I mind, really, but it's just the very fact that the mortal doesn't even have the slightest bit of panic.

     In this case, it's not exactly that type of alien story. It finally (FINALLY!) happens that someone actually seemed to panic and run off freaking out (er, more like a what-just-happened-I-don't-think-I-heard-right type of way) about an alien race merging with us fellow Earthlings. I was so happy to read that, having a slice of Dauntless cake right then and there would have been perfect timing.

      Zee's friend, Rani, is a fashionista, and a romantic. I find her to be a caring and supportive friend to Zee when she needs it. I also find that she's caring due to what she does for Zee near the end. I find it really sad, since Rani is actually one of my favorite characters in Neptune's Tears.

     Waggoner creates an amazingly exciting futuristic world with a lot of new technologies. The very fact that email is being used with a stick and that there's an interactive theater – along with many others – is truly amazing. I would love to live in that type of world and experience it one day.