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Stir Until Petrified (Violetta Massoni #1)
Stir Until Petrified (Violetta Massoni #1)
Theda Valle | 2020 | Paranormal
9
9.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
165 of 200
Kindle
Stir until petrified ( A Violetta Massoni book 1)
By Theda Vallee

Welcome to beautiful Palermo Bay, where the witches are fierce

...and the biscotti is to die for.

Violetta "Etta" Massoni is an Italian witch living and working with her overbearing family in the sleepy seaside town of Palermo Bay. Healing from tragedy, she wants nothing to do with the magic she was born with.

Etta soon finds herself forced into the world of magic that she had resisted for so long. The peaceful calm of her community is shattered by a string of attacks that leaves fifteen people trapped in their dreams. An ominous magic task force is sent to investigate, with Etta as their number one suspect.

Her family has never been able to mind their own business, and they aren’t about to start now! Dragging her grandmother from crime scenes will be the least of her worries. Join Etta and the whole Massoni girl gang on a perilous, hilarious adventure filled with magic, myth, and minestrone!


After waiting for so long I finally got round to reading this! Oh my god! I don’t remember the last time I gave a 5* and enjoyed a book so much! I laughed I adore Etta and her family! It was packed with wit and so well written! The last character I loved this much was Charley Davidson from Darynda Jones’s books! I also learnt what a Benandanti was and that in this book I’d be expecting a knock at the door on his 10th birthday. Also my favourite quote which had me laughing out loud!


“Where am I supposed to sit?” I eyed the motorcycle’s seat, trying to calculate how much butt room there was. He handed me a helmet, pointing to the back of the bike. “You sit behind me. It’s called the bitch seat.” “Does that make where you’re sitting the prick perch?” I asked, climbing on behind him. As I’d feared, sitting made my shorts move so far up my nether region, I was positive we’d need a search and rescue team to get them out later.

I really can’t wait to read the next book!
  
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The Oxford Murders (2010)
The Oxford Murders (2010)
2010 | International, Drama, Horror
4
4.8 (4 Ratings)
Movie Rating
From the first couple of scenes you’d half expect to see Inspector Morse and Lewis step out from behind one of the great pillars that surround Oxford University – sadly that is not going to be the case here. The story itself could have been taken right out of an Agatha Christie novel but the subsequent plot gets mixed up like the mathematical equation it is trying to lay out.

John Hurt plays Arthur Seldom a university professor whose life revolves around mathematical equations and whether or not we can prove truth and probability. Martin (Elijah Wood) is a graduate over from America looking at using Seldom to help him with his thesis.

The pair get mixed up in an altogether different set of circumstances when they must work together to solve a series of murders based around mathematical symbols. The Oxford Murders falls some way short of delivering on any tension or drama, which is a real shame. The script is over complicated and there is no real time to develop the characters before we are thrown head first into the first murder.

All in all it seemed rushed together. More strangely was the choice of director; Spanish born Álex de la Iglesia who also wrote the screenplay. A background largely based around foreign film I find it odd that he should have any idea about the true reflections of historic Oxford. Maybe that is where amongst other things The Oxford Murders falls down. In the hands of a more traditional English director we may have had a better outcome.
  
Noah (2014)
Noah (2014)
2014 | Action, Adventure, Drama
Biblical epics never seem to translate well from paper to the big screen. Mel Gibson’s 2004 misfire, The Passion of the Christ, showed just how difficult it was to turn promising source material into silver screen gold.

Now, 10 years on from that, Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky breathes new life into the biblical genre with his take on the classic ‘Noah’ tale. But can his sixth attempt behind the camera reverse the ailing genre’s fortunes?

Unfortunately, the answer is no. From lacklustre special effects to dreadful acting, Aronofsky’s biblical epic fails from start to finish, with only a few key scenes lifting it above The Passion of the Christ.

Noah follows the story of the titular hero played by Russell Crowe as he sets out on a mission given to him by the ‘Creator’ to rid the world of its evil and to start afresh. Jennifer Connelly plays Noah’s wife Naameh and Ray Winstone portrays his arch nemesis, Tubal-cain.

The story is like the tale we all know, but on steroids. Gone is the subtlety of the bibleNoah-poster version and in its place is a stark environmental message as Noah tells his family and those around him that humans have destroyed the planet and that we ourselves, must be destroyed. From stone angels sent to watch over the human race, to the addition of numerous characters, Noah rids the story of its depth in favour of poor special effects and anti-climatic battles. It’s a real shame as Aronofsky has proven himself to be utterly talented behind the lens.

The performances are also well-below what we expect from such gifted actors. Emma Watson’s take of Ila, Noah’s daughter-in-law is laughable at best; a world away from the talent we saw towards the end of the Harry Potter series. Jennifer Connelly is outstandingly poor and Russell Crowe seems to be on auto-pilot as he spouts meaningless drivel. Only Anthony Hopkins leaves his fine reputation in tact as Methuselah, though he is in the film for less than 15 minutes.

Moreover, the best and most memorable part from the bible story, the animals, is completely misguided. Not only are they playing second fiddle to the ridiculous rivalry between Noah and Ray Winstone’s idiotic villain, they are rendered in such poor CGI, you never truly believe that they are there. The elephants and snakes in particular are very shoddy.

Thankfully all is not lost. Being a Darren Aronofsky film, Noah is a beautifully shot film. The cinematography is outstanding with stunning vistas of a huge variety of landscapes and the inclusion of an exciting Genesis featurette in the latter half of the picture are real highlights.

At 138 minutes Noah is a true bum-number and there’ll be lots of shuffling about in your seat as you struggle to digest each and every part of information the film shoves down your throat.

Unfortunately, a promising marketing campaign and some good trailers mask a film which never rises above average. The special effects really needed much more work and the acting is very poor. Only a few stand-out scenes stop it from falling below The Passion of the Christ as another biblical turkey.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2014/04/14/noah-review/