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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Slumdog Millionaire (2008) in Movies
Sep 21, 2020
A once again astounding Dev Patel sells otherwise sulking, superficial melodrama. Don't you hate when the framing device is more interesting than the actual story? If not for the calamitous ๐ ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ then the stuff when they were kids here would be some of the worst moments of Boyle's entire career - overedited to smithereens, fetishistic of plight, and vaguely offensive. Even when this gets good I'm convinced this movie is much more concerned with dragging these characters through the mud and inflicting pain to wring synthetic sympathy rather than fleshing them out beyond one-note characterizations and abrupt turnarounds. Still pressed this brilliant premise didn't get the justice it truly deserved but the last hour of this is executed about as engagingly as it could have been, for what it ended up being (which only makes the transition from the older stuff to the newer stuff more jarring) and randomly gets super entertaining, if not much less simplistic. Score is pretty decent, too. It's alright but not sure why this shook everyone's world back in the day, you guys do know Indian cinema exists too, no? Way better than ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฏ ๐๐ช๐ญ๐ฅ but way shittier than ๐๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ. The "Jai Ho" segment is as cringey as it is memorable.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated The Grudge (2020) in Movies
Sep 21, 2020
Thankfully doesn't skimp out on the gore (some real solicitously nasty, gushy butchery on display - it's far and away the star of the show) but misses out on nearly everything else that made this concept so watchable. A bunch of people sitting around and sulking about stupid bullshit the entire time, who gives a rat's ass? Doesn't help that the demon design is pure crap and not a single actor - save for the always superlative Lin Shaye (who is seriously one of the best new horror actors in the game right now) - even wants to be here to begin with; and it shows in these fucking intolerably drab performances. The structure is actually kind of neat, though it peddles all but nothing. In fact the whole product has a clever method of execution but shits the bed on actually doing anything with it. Also its unintentionally funny in the worst possible way, these tropes are so tired (blink and you miss them predictable jump 'scares', dumbass characters, competent but uninspired visuals, morose and generic police procedural elements being poorly mixed into a much more interesting horror story, etc.) beyond belief. Barely 93 minutes and feels like forever, has okay moments but *not* worth the sit.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated S1m0ne (2002) in Movies
Sep 21, 2020
The trifecta of flatness: a comedy with next to no laughs, a satire with no bite, and a drama without sufficient emotion. Yet another technophobic dud that fires on zero cylinders and has nothing to say - try to picture if ๐๐ฆ๐ณ was one of the (many) shittier "Black Mirror" episodes. Besides Rachel Roberts' perfectly realized, fittingly mysterious performance (which, of course, is underused) nothing else shines through here - has zero depth beyond a few performative quips and has that rush-through-everything-of-any-importance pacing + structure that I detest. Here we have what could have been a poignantly interesting film about a disenchanted director whose only authentic relationship is with a synthetic A.I. as well as a boiling satire about the state of celebrity, the objectification of women in entertainment, technology, etc. But instead we're left with such a rote, surface-level, come-and-go boilerplate narrative about this thinly-written 'failed director' trope having to hide an obviously fake woman from every idiot on the planet. Skimps out on where it counts, the brief spoof arthouse movies in these are more intelligent and watchable than the actual movie - which ironically feels as insincere and fakey as its central character. Also I miss Jay Mohr.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Flatliners (1990) in Movies
Sep 19, 2020
Stupid, to be sure (Kiefer Sutherland gets his ass kicked by a supernatural 8-year-old on multiple occasions) - and I do side with the critiques that this could have been a lot deeper, but this is still completely righteous. A ghostly, heavily portentous, lush modern day gothic-medical melodrama that came out in the 90s yet *screams* 1985 right down to the haircuts. Try to picture ๐๐ต. ๐๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฐ'๐ด ๐๐ช๐ณ๐ฆ as a gen X YA horror flick. One of my all-time favorite film premises, and even Schumacher's (RIP) supporters I don't think give him enough credit for making all these interesting camp spectacles that - of all things - you can hardly say are unoriginal *nor* forgettable. A bunch of medical students chill out in an old cathedral thing which doubles as a medical lab where they perform clandestine death experiments on each other out in the open and argue about who can die the longest lmao, it's whoppingly silly stuff that thankfully takes itself dead (no pun intended) seriously. Pulpy, moody, atmospheric, and just looks extraordinary to boot - the visuals really tie that bind between our world and whatever lies beyond in an increasingly unstable way, as if some sort of constant (losing) struggle. So good that I actually even liked the infamous sentimental ending.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Magic in the Moonlight (2014) in Movies
Sep 20, 2020
๐๐ฏ๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐๐ข๐ฏ. A movie that has no reason for existing, does virtually nothing more except over-explain the movie to you - leaving nothing else behind to chew on. Not just slight but good *Lord* is it ever drab. Yet another Woody Allen film where Stone falls for an unlikable, pompous asshole who thinks he's genius because he tells everyone else they're stupid and recites the same misanthropic bullshit you can find on those awful pre-commentary videos on YouTube from 2013 - except in this one he never perks up and the plot forgets to happen. And that's all not to mention how this is easily nu-Allen's crummiest looking movie. Has a few good moments, Stone is dependably sterling, and it's got a hell of a twist/reveal - but can this guy quit taking beyond excellent premises and spinning them into mostly wack fluff? Granted this is the first of his films I've disliked, but he's toed the line more times than once. The Firth dialogue is near as insufferable and amateurish as Allen has been - real thesaurus abuse going on. Starts off agreeable but soon after becomes a hell of a bore, pretty sure I checked out of 18 of the last 20 minutes.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated The Final Destination (2009) in Movies
Oct 22, 2020
Rigorously uncared for - chock full of series-worst dirt acting, bullshit writing, and some of the lamest CGI you'll ever encounter in a studio picture this millennium. All-around just pathetic, has an unshakable sense that this was rushed and indifferently shat out beyond belief... however... it's also only 82 minutes including credits and is quite possibly the most playful one until this point in wringing the tension out of the deaths where - outside of the eyesore opening premonition (two in a row so far for the series) - there isn't even a semi-weak one to speak of. Swift, vicious, full of trashy spills, and has Mykelti Williamson - truthfully this would be a great time if anyone involved actually gave a shit about it and it didn't come out in that 2-3 year period where everyone thought 2004-looking F-tier 3D which no question ranks among one of the worst trends in cinema was the best thing ever. The racist being dragged down the street is not only a top 20 franchise demise, but actually lands more effectively now than it ever did. Fair enough. Glad they followed up this planned series ender ( l m f a o ) with an actual movie, though.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated 47 Ronin (2013) in Movies
Jan 12, 2021 (Updated Jul 4, 2021)
As expected this is a lot of eye-popping visual work in service of a story void of even a single drop of weight. Too much gorgeous design fetish on display to truly dislike in spite of it being executed as plainly as can be otherwise - for every mechanical, generic expository beat there's a splashpad of stunning locales, vibrant costumes, luscious CGI, sweeping sets, excellent props, and fully realized art backing it up. It's super atmospheric and the money is *definitely* on the screen but everything underneath the hood is not only lackluster but genuinely problematic. The idea to take one of the most legendary events in Japanese history and not only turn it into another passive whitewashed popcorn flick is gross all on its own, but to frame the entire thing around a bunch of wronged Japanese men + women having to constantly praise and apologize to a white man for bullying him or whatever is - quite frankly - beyond insulting. As much as I won't soon be forgetting the pop aesthetic experience this delivered upon, I'm also glad it bombed. A screenplay this goofy has no right being so tame. And see the skull guy on the poster? He's only in the movie for like 30 seconds so fuck you.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Swallow (2019) in Movies
Jan 13, 2021 (Updated Jan 13, 2021)
To be fair, I'd rather swallow a screwdriver than hang out with rich white people too. Gorgeous, nasty, and mean - but never disrespectful. Medically accurate? Perhaps not, but these seldom ever are anyhow so what can you do? In fact I found this to be much more compelling and satisfying as a depiction of obnoxious old-money business whities having their perfect little synthetic image destroyed by people who refuse to shape themselves around it than a portrait of pica. As everyone has already pointed out, Austin Stowell and in particular Haley Bennett are just astounding - easily not only her best performance to date, but the type of galvanizing role that should propel her star-power vastly beyond just Jennifer Lawrence comparisons considering that this is way better work than anything J-Law has done in years anyhow (excluding ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ! [I'm a simp for stupid, manic arthouse cinema I know you don't have to tell me]). Deeply, deeply, *deeply* unsettling - can pleasantly report that its reputation is as airtight as claimed. Super messy but I think that gives it more character tbh, and what an excellent use of music. A bit too on-the-nose at times but also the type of movie that's destined to be misinterpreted by morons everywhere.
BackToTheMovies (56 KP) rated Triple Threat (2019) in Movies
Jun 26, 2019
Triple Threat, from prolific action specialist Jesse V. Johnson and currently streaming on Netflix, is exactly as promised โ 95 minutes of complete ass-kicking from a ridiculous cast of ass-kickers who defy gravitational and physical logic with their supreme martial arts and combat skills. Unpretentious, unrelenting, and wildly entertaining, this is a throwback to old-school, non-CGI, action-programmers where the body count is absurdly high, the squibs are going off like crazy, and dynamic second unit work pumps up the aesthetic thrills โ itโs the best pure-action film of the year and the best of its type that Iโve seen since The Night Comes For Us (also on Netflix streaming).
Starring an action fanโs dream team of Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, Tony Jaa, and Tiger Chen. The various beat-downs that these guys dish out look beyond lethal. I loved the real-deal explosions and Jonathan Hallโs slick and steady cinematography which highlighted the insane choreography. Matthew Lorentzโs crisp editing wastes not a moment of the basic but hard-charging script by Joey OโBryan, Fangjin Song, and Paul Staheli. But letโs be honest, weโre not here to experience Shakespearean-level swaths of dialogue. Triple Threat exists as an outlet for extreme thrills and near-constant mayhem.
Starring an action fanโs dream team of Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, Tony Jaa, and Tiger Chen. The various beat-downs that these guys dish out look beyond lethal. I loved the real-deal explosions and Jonathan Hallโs slick and steady cinematography which highlighted the insane choreography. Matthew Lorentzโs crisp editing wastes not a moment of the basic but hard-charging script by Joey OโBryan, Fangjin Song, and Paul Staheli. But letโs be honest, weโre not here to experience Shakespearean-level swaths of dialogue. Triple Threat exists as an outlet for extreme thrills and near-constant mayhem.
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