"You know d’ast well this is my favorite film! Adapted from my super-violent memoirs, Marvel Studios brought to Earth the formerly little-known story of how a one-of-a-kind hero, YOURS TRULY, united a group of Kyln prison rookies and saved the whole krutackin’ galaxy! Bradley Cooper, an acclaimed cinematic thespian, starred as ME, while TV’s Chris Pratt turned in a surprising performance in what was SUPPOSED to be a supporting role (Don’t worry, Rocket fans, I got a “call” into his agent!). Still, this biopic was mostly factualistic. Only thing is, they messed up the title — the more accurate nomenclature is Rocket and Some D’ast Useless Flargs. I’ve offered it up free of charge for the sequel."

"Potemkin is taught in film schools worldwide, more like a fossil than a real, breathing animal that must be dissected. Watch it because it’s important. So budding filmmakers are taught about formalism and montage, and they rarely get to watch Eisenstein’s later works, like Ivan the Terrible. They’re missing out: imagine a biopic run through the meat grinder of German expressionism, with every image connoting the pitfalls of absolute power, with cutaways of faces that are thankfully forever captured in celluloid marble, with a sense of mounting state paranoia and ever-crumbling artifice. Potemkin may have the classic scenes, like the dish, the lion, the guns, but Ivan has taken all those early lessons and boyhood feints and given us a masterpiece."