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<b><i>"What a stupid book."</i></b>

That was my initial thought after turning the final page of <b>Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later</b>.

As a pre-teen, I was addicted to the <u>Sweet Valley High</u> series, and then later, the <u>Sweet Valley University</u> series as well. Before that even, I had read some of the Twins and Kids series, so when I heard this was coming out last year, I just knew I had to read it. I was excited beyond compare and went into full geek-out mode. Where are the perfect size-six Wakefield twins, and their friends and enemies, now? What are their occupations? Who are they dating or who'd they marry? And my questions kept going on and on. What has inspired this obsession? It's not like these books were high literature, but somehow they became ingrained into my life to this very day and I cannot help but remember SVH fondly.

It is nearly impossible to review the story within the covers without spoilers, but I am going to try my darnedest. Some cursing may or may not be involved.

<b>Short synopsis</b> (snarky comments in parentheses ;P):
Jessica has betrayed Elizabeth. <i>(Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she did. Anyone who's read the books could make an accurate guess.)</i> The Ultimate Betrayal. <i>(Oooooh!)</i> Elizabeth flees to New York. Elizabeth is a slightly sympathetic bitter victim/martyr who craves revenge throughout the book. Jessica is supposed to be a sympathetic betrayer/victim who's heartsick at destroying her sister. <i>(I don't buy it.)</i> Tons of reminiscing flashbacks ensue throughout the book, sometimes the same ones told by different characters, and take up about half of it, so there's barely any plot. Book ends with a thirteen-page <i>Where Are They Now?</i>-type epilogue that tells old fans what has happened to many major supporting characters from the original high school series. <i>(Apparently no one is allowed to be happy. And anyone you may have originally liked from SVH has turned into a big dick. WTF?)</i>

I expected to enjoy this as the usual over-the-top, soap opera stories I remember, but revamped a bit. Sadly, I was left feeling underwhelmed, disappointed, annoyed, and rather pissed off. For one thing, I could not buy the main betrayal -- <spoiler>Jessica and Todd?! In love!!?? Really? In what surreal dimension does that make any kind of sense? This broke the book for me. How can I believe anything else if this doesn't ring true. A passionate affair, sure. A one-night stand, why not? But actual 'til death do us part nonsense? Bull. Not when it's almost always been the Elizabeth and Todd, "made-for-each-other" type of thing. I actually wouldn't have minded if E & T hadn't ended up together, but for Todd to be with Jessica, that's just madness, plain and simple.</spoiler> -- it was just so unbelievable. And I mean that in a Sweet Valley way, which we all know is not steeped in any form of actual reality, so my standards are quite low and I expect the extraordinary and overwrought. So from this point on, which is within the first two chapters, I struggled, but somehow managed to read on. I admit, I gagged more than few times throughout the book. Who wouldn't when faced with passages such as this one,
<blockquote>"And what faces they were.

Gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. The kind you couldn't stop looking at. Their eyes were shades of aqua that danced in the light like shards of precious stones, oval and fringed with thick, light brown lashes long enough to cast a shadow on their cheeks. Their silky blond hair, the cascading kind, fell just below their shoulders. And to complete the perfection, their rosy lips looked as if they were penciled on. There wasn't a thing wrong with their figures, either. It was if billions of possibilities all fell together perfectly.

Twice."
-page 9/10</blockquote>
I hope you managed to hold onto your last meal. I barely did. I also had to endure "his beloved," "his love," and other similar nauseating descriptions.

This is not the PG-rated books from the past, the word "orgasm" is actually used. So is the F-bomb and other expletives. *gasp* Seriously, it does push the boundaries more than the innocent SVH series, but it's not very shocking by today's standards. Except that it does involve the Wakefield Twins, which was strange at first. Of course, current trends had to pop up, like Twitter and Facebook, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce, which always makes a book better and doesn't date it in the least. (That was heavy sarcasm in case you weren't sure.) The book does refer to some incidents and people from the SVU series, but only certain elements, otherwise it's mainly a continuation of high school and no one from the university days actually appears in the book.

Neither Elizabeth nor Jessica felt true to form, especially Jessica, and in fact, none of the characters, whether seen or just talked about, were right. Sure, some people change and some don't, but not a one was recognizable. Where did these strangers with the same names come from? Why couldn't there have been some semblance of the original shining through? Again, I have a hard time with the basis of the book, so that has severely colored my view of the entire thing, but as it stands, it was a complete waste of a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that any fan of SVH could come up with something a million times better than this dreck. Wasn't there an original ghostwriter available? You know, someone who might actually know the world and characters, and have the skill to develop them both in a believable manner?

The writing is rather clunky and purple-ly, often managing both at the same time. Redundancy abounds, editing mistakes, including wrong names and inconsistencies to previous events in SVH-iverse, and lots of use of the words "like" and "so", more-so in Jessica's narrative than anywhere else, which was really, really, so, like, irritating. Like, really. Ms. Pascal must have had a thesaurus at the ready, because there were big words awkwardly thrown into the narrative. While I appreciate authors utilizing lesser known or used words, some just don't blend well with the rest of the text and they pop-out unflatteringly. The structure needed fine-tuning and tenses were oddly used to differentiate the flashbacks from present day.

To put it succinctly, the writing isn't great and neither is the storyline, what there is of it. This was a bizarre read even by Sweet Valley standards and an insult to fans. Seriously, does Francine Pascal hate this universe and its readers? I think I'll stick to the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/series/58723-sweet-valley-high">Sweet Valley High</a> series and make up my own stories about what happened afterward.

Slightly spoiler-ish lesson learned from this book:
<spoiler>Betrayal is okay as long as it's "Twu Luv."</spoiler>

Second lesson learned:
Everything always turns up fucking sunshine and roses and unicorns and lollipops for the worst person (or people) in the end.

I'd like to leave you with another winning description,
<blockquote>"There were no tears, but her mouth was twisted in a silent sob."
-page 17</blockquote>

<u>A thought a few hours after having finished this book:</u>
Maybe another "sequel" will eventually come out and it'll begin with Elizabeth waking up from the nightmare that is this book and we'll get the real ten years later story. Ahh, sweet dreams.

<u>Update: April 26, 2011:</u>
Oh yes, always good to blame the fans/readers for not liking their terrible book. By pointing out minor, petty reasons, I might add. <b>Warning:</b> book spoilers in article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/business/media/17sweet.html?_r=1
  
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5 Minute Movie Guy (379 KP) rated Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) in Movies

Jun 30, 2019 (Updated Sep 16, 2019)  
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
2015 | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Mad Max: Fury Road is an intense, action-packed, visually stunning, and wildly entertaining film. It's only when the action slows down that the film starts to show signs of decay.
30 years and a fresh face later, the Mad Max series makes an extravagant and exhilarating return to theaters with Mad Max: Fury Road. Mel Gibson’s iconic wasteland warrior hero Max Rockatansky has been recast with the talented Tom Hardy, who gives us a more visceral and damaged portrayal of the character. Having endured years in the Hellish wasteland, Max now acts on his sole instinct of surviving. He’s ravaged by the horrors of his past and has lost all semblance of hope in this bleak, post-apocalyptic future where water is scarce and mayhem is bountiful. Director and series creator George Miller does a masterful job in creating a remarkable and inventive world of chaos and destruction, with action sequences that are practically unparalleled. Mad Max: Fury Road is a movie that keeps its fat, irradiated foot firmly pressed on the gas pedal throughout almost its entire duration, resulting in a movie that’s intense, action-packed, visually stunning, perfectly bizarre, wonderfully inventive, and wildly entertaining. It’s only when the action slows down that the film starts to show signs of decay.

In Fury Road, we first encounter Max alone in the wasteland in what is about to be a very long and very bad day. He’s quickly spotted and pursued by a pack of deathly-pale skinhead warriors known as Warboys. Outnumbered and easily captured, Max is taken to The Citadel, which serves as the home of the film’s central conflict. The monstrously plagued Immortan Joe rules over The Citadel like a cult leader, promising eternal salvation to his army of Warboys who die fighting for him. The city is a place of great disparity, as Joe teases the peasants with water, while he enjoys the excesses of his precious resources. Even worse is that he’s enslaved healthy, young women, known as his Five Wives, for the sake of producing his children.

This predicament doesn’t sit well with the battle-hardened woman warrior Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron) who serves under Immortan Joe’s command. Tired of Joe’s tyrannous ways, Imperator Furiosa betrays her leader during a routine gas run by venturing her armored war-rig offroad with the Five Wives secretly in tow. When news spreads that Furiosa is trying to escape and has taken the Wives with her, Joe and his army of Warboys feverishly follow in pursuit. This begins an epic, elaborate, and expertly crafted chase sequence that is absolutely outrageous and unmistakably brilliant.

Meanwhile, the enslaved Max ends up being inopportunely thrust into the action at full throttle, chained to the front of a car like a hood ornament. While Max’s name may be in the title, make no mistake about it, this is Furiosa’s story. Max is primarily just along for the ride, and doing whatever he can to survive. That’s not to say that Max is simply an unfortunate onlooker to the events of the film, but he is given little in the way of dialogue and backstory, and is chained up for a substantial portion of Fury Road. Though it should be said that the movie as a whole is rather thin on story and dialogue and it merely glosses over the plot to retain its focus on the action, which is where the film really sets itself apart.

The majority of the Fury Road serves as this long, impressive chase sequence that miraculously continues to escalate as the film goes on, despite appearing to throw the whole kitchen sink at you right at the beginning. It’s explosive, crazy, and jaw-droppingly awesome from the get-go, and yet believe me, it only gets bigger and better. Just wait until later when they start adding monster trucks, mini-guns, pole-vaulters, dirt bike-riding grannies, and a guitar flamethrower. It will leave you giddy with excitement. It’s an amazing, heavy-metal, end-of-the-world spectacle that you just got to see to believe. What makes it all even more incredible is that so much of the action is achieved by practical effects, with real stunts and car crashes and explosions.

Unfortunately, in the rare moments when Fury Road lets its foot off the gas and slows down the action, it sometimes sputters. Take for instance, the film’s climactic turning point when Furiosa’s dreams are spoiled. She dramatically falls to her knees in the sand, reeling in despair, and screams out into the void. This pivotal moment should be the most powerful moment of the film, but for me it fell completely flat. The problem here is that I never felt a strong attachment to the characters. While I respect Furiosa and Max for their strength in this struggle, I also feel like I don’t know much of anything about them, except that they’re adept at surviving and have battled through Hell to get to this point. So while this brief interlude drags a bit, Max thankfully turns things back around and leads us right back into the heart of the action, where Fury Road is at its best.

Charlize Theron gives a commanding performance as Furiosa, easily establishing herself among the ranks of the great female action stars. She makes for an excellent partner to Tom Hardy’s Max (though reportedly not so much on set). Hardy, on the other hand, puts in a solid performance, but I do take some issue with it. Truthfully, he just didn’t quite feel like Mad Max. His take on the character is too rugged. He’s missing the charm and likability that Mel Gibson’s Max had. His character may be cool, but he’s difficult to relate to, and feels remarkably reduced as he grunts throughout half of the movie without uttering a word. I can’t help but feel that perhaps Hardy took Max’s madness and survival instincts a little too far. The film also stars Nicholas Hoult as Nux, the Warboy that led Max into this whole mess, who expresses a much more appealing level of craziness. Whereas Nux is an energetic, lunatic cult follower, Max seems like he’s just a few bolts short of becoming a mentally-deranged hobo, which might not bode so well for future films. Lastly, there’s Immortan Joe, played by Hugh Keays-Byrne, who has an exceptional screen presence by being imposing, frightening, and so over-the-top that he’s kind of funny.

Visually and artistically, Mad Max: Fury Road is a triumphant success. It’s more gorgeous than you would ever think possible for a decrepit, wasteland warzone. Considerable skill and attention to detail are demonstrated to bring beauty out of this decaying environment. It features first-rate cinematography and unbelievable creativity. You’ll wonder how anyone ever thought of this stuff, but you’ll be grateful they did. The characters all look outstanding, unique, and memorable. I particularly loved Furiosa’s appearance with her prosthetic arm and grease-smeared warpaint. More impressive still is the menacing Immortan Joe with his mask and elaborate body armor. Fury Road similarly has beautiful special effects which greatly enhance the atmosphere as well as the film’s many remarkable stunts. In all, this is sure to be one of the best looking films of the year.

Mad Max: Fury Road may not be a perfect film, but it makes for an explosive and unforgettable return to the series. It’s truly a creative tour-de-force, with ingenious action, stellar design, and stunning visuals. It features brilliantly choreographed fights and chases, and some of the coolest movie stunts I’ve ever seen. The movie doesn’t always get the emotional punch it’s aiming for, and it has its share of awkward moments, but it sure makes a lasting impression with its intense, adrenaline-pumping theatrics. It might be a little too strange and twisted for some (though it’s relatively tame for being rated R), however, those who can handle the wasteland are sure to find a film that is deserving of respect and admiration. While I have my gripes with Hardy’s portrayal of Max, I know that I, for one, still can’t wait to see what the future holds for everybody’s favorite road warrior.

(The review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 5.19.15.)
  
Prometheus (2012)
Prometheus (2012)
2012 | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
After nearly 2 years of waiting and rampant speculation, director Ridley Scott’s science-fiction epic Prometheus has finally arrived. The project initially started as a prequel to Alien, and in doing so got the attention of the Alien fan community. After the last two sequels and two disastrous Alien Versus Predator spinoffs, this fan community was eager for the director who started the series to bring the series back to prominence. However, hopes were dashed when it was announced that Prometheus would not be a prequel but instead a standalone film that “shared” DNA with Alien. As production of the film developed under very tight conditions, fans could only speculate as to the nature of the film even when leaked photos and eventually trailers seem to indicate more than a passing connection to the Alien franchise.

The film follows the story of Dr. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace), who in the late 21st century makes a startling discovery with her boyfriend Charlie Halloway (Logan Marshall-Green). Their discovery leads to an extremely expensive expedition to an unknown area of space aboard the state-of-the-art research vessel Prometheus. The eclectic but talented crew of experts along for the ride are under the stern watch of Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron), who has been appointed by the Weyland Corporation to oversee the expedition even though she is highly skeptical about the expected goals that set the crew on the journey.

Holloway and Shaw believe that a series of paintings they discovered at several archaeological sites throughout the world indicated that ancient man had been visited and guided by beings from beyond the stars and that said beings may very well be responsible for engineering humanity as well.

After a journey of nearly 2.5 years the crew arrives at the star system depicted in the paintings and soon find themselves exploring a temple-like structure on an otherwise desolate and apparently lifeless moon. Despite the misgivings of the crew, when the true nature of their expedition is revealed upon their arrival, Shaw and Holloway are vindicated when remains of alien life forms and other technology are discovered by the crew.

Their initial exploration cut short due to a violent storm, the crew returns the safety of the ship to wait out the storm, save for two members of the team who remained at the temple after becoming lost. A series of events follow which soon indicate that not only are there hidden agendas at play but that the crew has stumbled upon a discovery that they are ill-prepared for.

Bizarre and horrific revelations and events follow which cause the crew members to question their motivations and the expedition’s purpose as well as examine their place in a much more complex and dangerous universe, where their petty human concerns and conflicts now seem much more insignificant.

It would be very difficult to go into further detail with spoiling key elements to the film. Suffice it to say that there are some real twist and turns along the way as well as some thrills and action that keep things moving along nicely as the film makes its way towards the conclusion. But, yes, Prometheus does have a very clear connection to the Alien films.

Scott had said that he wanted to do something epic in scale and in that he has, for the most part, succeeded. Shot using the latest 3-D technology, the film is amazing to watch. The opening sequence, as well as some footage of the ship in-flight, are truly gorgeous to look at and the amazing attention to detail not only on the alien world but on the ship itself is truly spectacular.

Early in the film, the android David (Michael Fassbender) is seen going through his various routines on the ship as the crew sleeps in suspended animation. His various activities range from monitoring the crew and their dreams, to watching old movies and studying ancient languages and keeping an eye on the ship systems. All that seems fairly routine, but it is his skill with a basketball that was fascinating and establishes the complex and dynamic character that he portrays.

This introduction underscores the diversity of the crew. We are given bits and pieces about all of them to help them stand out from the usual stock characters in this type of film. While we are not given as complete a background set up as I would’ve liked, little touches such as Capt. Janik (Idris Elba), insisting upon celebrating Christmas as well as the crew running side bets, help to underscore that these are people we can easily relate to, just doing their job in extraordinary situations. This was something that Scott mastered in the original Alien, giving you average Joe’s who had to deal with extraterrestrial horror.

I mention this because Prometheus is not an action film, nor is it a horror film. I wonder if perhaps this film had not had the production costs that it does, if it would be better suited for fall release. I say this not as a criticism of the movie, simply to emphasize the fact this is a movie that requires thought, something your typical summer blockbuster doesn’t. Scott does not lay it out on a plate for the audience and say “Here it is, take it.” He presents a story filled with questions, and instead of giving you answers, gives you even more questions as the film goes along.

At first, this was more than a bit frustrating as I wanted answers to questions I’ve had since seeing the original Alien back in 1979. I wanted to know more about some of the plot lines and characters as well as certain situations that were in the film. At one point the captain shares some very important information. I asked myself how this piece of news was arrived at, as certainly a discovery of this magnitude would have been a very interesting scene. However much like the film’s premise, faith is an underlying and key component. Just as the characters discuss and act based on faith, or lack thereof, audience members asked to have faith in the storyline and the sequence of events that lead up to the finale. There will be those who will be unwilling to do so and will be quick to find fault with the film, cast, and plot. But I hope there will be more who accept that they are seeing the first part of a larger journey and understand that there are things that they are meant to know, as well as things hey are not meant to know and in time more may be revealed.

Scott has indicated that he would like to do another film in the series and scuttlebutt indicates the studio would very much like to entertain thoughts of a trilogy. I would certainly like to see this, as would a few of my fellow critics. Following our screening, three of us stood around discussing aspects of the film, trying to figure out what it really meant and how it connected to the Alien series as well as potential future films in the series. If nothing else, this movie will spark interesting conversation.

As the days have passed since seeing the film I’ve appreciated it more and more with each passing day. Scott could have taken the easy way out and given a straight up prequel to Alien complete with all manner of monsters and CGI creatures on the loose wrecking havoc upon a crew of unfortunate victims. Instead he opted to take a much larger look at life, the universe, and our place in it and wove a complex and open-ended framework that not only provided fantastic entertainment but also provided an opportunity for intelligent conversation and introspection.

From the incredible visuals to the engaging and enjoyable cast, Prometheus is a refreshing and enjoyable film and an extremely welcome and much-needed addition to the alien franchise.