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Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Magic Mike XXL (2015) in Movies
Aug 6, 2019
When we last saw Mike Lane (Channing Tatum) he was trading in his g-string and the adulation of grown women with lots of dollar bills to spare, for a custom furniture business of his own and a serious relationship with a girl named Brooke. He said goodbye to his band of magical, muscular men (and by magical, we mean in the art of making clothes disappear) and headed off into a better future.
Or so he thought.
Three years later, we find Mike has found a little success, his company has grown by one employee. The empty apartment with no sign of a roommate suggests his future no longer includes Brooke. A phone call from Tarzan (Kevin Nash) has Mike donning a suit to attend a “wake”. Cue the reunion with his old gang that is far from somber, and more of a ruse to see him. Apparently, his orphaned crew is set on one last hurrah before they follow in Mike’s footsteps and go after their own entrepreneurial dreams.
Does Mike want in on the swan song of stripteases at Myrtle Beach’s stripper convention? Of course not. He has a business to run, employees to pay, he postures. But considering this movie is a sequel entitled “Magic Mike XXL” you know he changes his mind. And, boy, how he changes his mind! With a little help from power tools and Genuwine’s “Pony”, natch.
Magic Mike XXL is a road trip of discovery for Mike, Tarzan, Tito (Adam Rodriguez), Ken (Matt Bomer), Tobias (Gabriel Iglesias) and Big Dick Richie (Joe Mangeniello). There were a few times I wondered where exactly this story was going, but as ensemble features go, the insightful peeks into the guys’ individual stories distracted from the meandering plot. Okay, why I was looking for a plot in a movie clearly made to titillate fans of sculpted male phsyiques, I don’t know. Sorry. Not sorry.
The road to Myrtle Beach is littered with conquests, old and new, and epiphanies fueled by pharmaceuticals inspire the Kings of Tampa to learn a few new tricks along the way. XXL actually achieves that rare feat of being better than the original. I know, that may not exactly be high praise, but it delivers more of what fans enjoyed in the original – the male entertainment.
XXL has the same awkward, but slightly improved banter between Mike and the females he encounters, but it also has new routines, a sexier emcee in Jada Pinkett-Smith (with all due respect to Matthew McConaughey) and it doesn’t require Kevin Nash to dance like a lost mannequin. There are some eyebrow-raising casting choices for a couple of new strippers. You may find yourself asking “Hey, is that who I think it is jumping all over that woman?” And “Okay…so he doesn’t actually strip. He just sings?” But don’t worry, that singer inspires Matt Bomer to do both. Very well. How did I not know Matt Bomer could sing?
The finale is one the screener audience, the majority of which were female, of course, did not want to end. I admit I could’ve stayed in my seat for more Channing Tatum and professional dancer, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, who could make his own Magic Malik movie. As my girlfriends and I left the theater, one commented that her face hurt from smiling the whole time. At the risk of sounding extremely shallow, we all agreed that the only way the movie could have been better is if it was shown on the IMAX screen in 3D. Maybe in Dbox seats.
Probably not a movie women will want to take their significant others to, but their girlfriends for a ladies night out? Hell to the yeah.
For story, acting and plot? Ummm 2 out of 5
For sheer, eye-candy entertainment? 4 stars.
Or so he thought.
Three years later, we find Mike has found a little success, his company has grown by one employee. The empty apartment with no sign of a roommate suggests his future no longer includes Brooke. A phone call from Tarzan (Kevin Nash) has Mike donning a suit to attend a “wake”. Cue the reunion with his old gang that is far from somber, and more of a ruse to see him. Apparently, his orphaned crew is set on one last hurrah before they follow in Mike’s footsteps and go after their own entrepreneurial dreams.
Does Mike want in on the swan song of stripteases at Myrtle Beach’s stripper convention? Of course not. He has a business to run, employees to pay, he postures. But considering this movie is a sequel entitled “Magic Mike XXL” you know he changes his mind. And, boy, how he changes his mind! With a little help from power tools and Genuwine’s “Pony”, natch.
Magic Mike XXL is a road trip of discovery for Mike, Tarzan, Tito (Adam Rodriguez), Ken (Matt Bomer), Tobias (Gabriel Iglesias) and Big Dick Richie (Joe Mangeniello). There were a few times I wondered where exactly this story was going, but as ensemble features go, the insightful peeks into the guys’ individual stories distracted from the meandering plot. Okay, why I was looking for a plot in a movie clearly made to titillate fans of sculpted male phsyiques, I don’t know. Sorry. Not sorry.
The road to Myrtle Beach is littered with conquests, old and new, and epiphanies fueled by pharmaceuticals inspire the Kings of Tampa to learn a few new tricks along the way. XXL actually achieves that rare feat of being better than the original. I know, that may not exactly be high praise, but it delivers more of what fans enjoyed in the original – the male entertainment.
XXL has the same awkward, but slightly improved banter between Mike and the females he encounters, but it also has new routines, a sexier emcee in Jada Pinkett-Smith (with all due respect to Matthew McConaughey) and it doesn’t require Kevin Nash to dance like a lost mannequin. There are some eyebrow-raising casting choices for a couple of new strippers. You may find yourself asking “Hey, is that who I think it is jumping all over that woman?” And “Okay…so he doesn’t actually strip. He just sings?” But don’t worry, that singer inspires Matt Bomer to do both. Very well. How did I not know Matt Bomer could sing?
The finale is one the screener audience, the majority of which were female, of course, did not want to end. I admit I could’ve stayed in my seat for more Channing Tatum and professional dancer, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, who could make his own Magic Malik movie. As my girlfriends and I left the theater, one commented that her face hurt from smiling the whole time. At the risk of sounding extremely shallow, we all agreed that the only way the movie could have been better is if it was shown on the IMAX screen in 3D. Maybe in Dbox seats.
Probably not a movie women will want to take their significant others to, but their girlfriends for a ladies night out? Hell to the yeah.
For story, acting and plot? Ummm 2 out of 5
For sheer, eye-candy entertainment? 4 stars.
Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Parker (2013) in Movies
Aug 7, 2019
So I, being the girl that I am, wasn’t exactly keyed up to go and see a “shoot-em up” style action flick — you know, the kind that Jason Statham excels at? My boyfriend, however, is like most red-blooded men and found this movie right up his alley. Perhaps it was due to the fact I “owed” him from cashing in my chick-flick points and making him watch “the Painted Veil” with me the other day; perhaps it was because my choice of Redbox rentals had been rather lackluster in comparison. Either way, he was looking forward the the prospect of this movie review far more than I.
“Parker” starts off in Ohio where Jason Statham’s character (Parker) is working a job with four other men. The job seems to go off without a hitch until the end when Parker discovers an innocent man died in the process, thus starting “beef” between he and one of his partners. The apparent boss of the crooks then asks Parker to join them in another job, requiring him to give up his share of the loot to contribute to the upcoming job. Parker politely declines and, of course, this doesn’t sit too well with the crooks. As predicted, they then turn on him and Parker is left for dead on the side of the road.
As we know, Jason Statham’s characters are indestructible. I mean, this was covered in both “Crank” movies so the audience should be well-versed in how this goes down, right? Of course, Parker survives and thus starts on a path of revenge. Mob bosses are involved, hits are put out, etc. Regardless, his journey takes him to Palm Springs where the four crooks who betrayed him are preparing for their next big job.
Now, you’re probably wondering where Jennifer Lopez is in all of this (yes, JLo has a part in this movie – I know, I feel your pain too). Given that her last decent flick was “the Cell” and “Selena,” I wasn’t expecting too much from her character. As Parker is making his way down to Palm Springs, the movie then focuses on JLo’s character, a depressed and rather broken divorcee living with her mother and desperate for a commission from her job as a real-estate agent. Cue in Parker, dressed as a wealthy Texan, and looking to buy a home in Palm Springs. Of course we see JLo checking him out and basically throwing herself at him because, well, that’s what all us desperate women do, right? We throw ourselves at rich men when times are hard without taking much else into consideration (like, say the cop – who comes across as a decent guy – who wants nothing else but to date her. But hey, he’s not Jason Statham, right? Pfft!). Regardless, JLo finds a way to weasel herself into helping Parker’s character and thwarting the four thieves who betrayed Parker. Luckily for all of us, JLo advances are shut down and we don’t have to fall witness to another “Gigli”.
Is the movie some amazing cinematic masterpiece? Absolutely not. Are Parker’s flashbacks cheesy and annoying? Of course. But we are talking about an action flick and one that doesn’t disappoint in lots of blood, gun fights, knifing action, and Jason Statham being an overall badass.
Will your girlfriend love this movie? Probably not. Will you, you red-blooded hunk of testosterone, love this movie? Probably. It is, after all, geared towards your sex. And, just in case the blood and fights don’t do it for you, there are more than enough exposed breasts throughout the film keep your interest piqued.
So if you’re looking for a good revenge-style action flick, this one is decent enough. It won’t win any awards, but it won’t leave your poor girlfriend screaming for the hills either. JLo’s performance, however, that’s just inexcusible….
“Parker” starts off in Ohio where Jason Statham’s character (Parker) is working a job with four other men. The job seems to go off without a hitch until the end when Parker discovers an innocent man died in the process, thus starting “beef” between he and one of his partners. The apparent boss of the crooks then asks Parker to join them in another job, requiring him to give up his share of the loot to contribute to the upcoming job. Parker politely declines and, of course, this doesn’t sit too well with the crooks. As predicted, they then turn on him and Parker is left for dead on the side of the road.
As we know, Jason Statham’s characters are indestructible. I mean, this was covered in both “Crank” movies so the audience should be well-versed in how this goes down, right? Of course, Parker survives and thus starts on a path of revenge. Mob bosses are involved, hits are put out, etc. Regardless, his journey takes him to Palm Springs where the four crooks who betrayed him are preparing for their next big job.
Now, you’re probably wondering where Jennifer Lopez is in all of this (yes, JLo has a part in this movie – I know, I feel your pain too). Given that her last decent flick was “the Cell” and “Selena,” I wasn’t expecting too much from her character. As Parker is making his way down to Palm Springs, the movie then focuses on JLo’s character, a depressed and rather broken divorcee living with her mother and desperate for a commission from her job as a real-estate agent. Cue in Parker, dressed as a wealthy Texan, and looking to buy a home in Palm Springs. Of course we see JLo checking him out and basically throwing herself at him because, well, that’s what all us desperate women do, right? We throw ourselves at rich men when times are hard without taking much else into consideration (like, say the cop – who comes across as a decent guy – who wants nothing else but to date her. But hey, he’s not Jason Statham, right? Pfft!). Regardless, JLo finds a way to weasel herself into helping Parker’s character and thwarting the four thieves who betrayed Parker. Luckily for all of us, JLo advances are shut down and we don’t have to fall witness to another “Gigli”.
Is the movie some amazing cinematic masterpiece? Absolutely not. Are Parker’s flashbacks cheesy and annoying? Of course. But we are talking about an action flick and one that doesn’t disappoint in lots of blood, gun fights, knifing action, and Jason Statham being an overall badass.
Will your girlfriend love this movie? Probably not. Will you, you red-blooded hunk of testosterone, love this movie? Probably. It is, after all, geared towards your sex. And, just in case the blood and fights don’t do it for you, there are more than enough exposed breasts throughout the film keep your interest piqued.
So if you’re looking for a good revenge-style action flick, this one is decent enough. It won’t win any awards, but it won’t leave your poor girlfriend screaming for the hills either. JLo’s performance, however, that’s just inexcusible….
Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Safe House (2012) in Movies
Aug 7, 2019
In a complicated deadly game of international espionage things are rarely what they appear to be. Take the case of Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds), a young man who, for all intents and purposes, appears to divide his time between his adoring French girlfriend (Nora Arnezeder) and a South African hospital. But if one were to pull back the curtain they would learn that Matt is actually a CIA agent who spends his time watching over a safe house, an assignment of painfully tedious monotony.
In the new action thriller “Safe House”, Reynolds eschews his typical charming, cocky, wisecracking on-screen personas to portray Matt as a mature young man with ambitions both inside and outside of his job. Matt longs to be assigned to a more glamorous position and is hopeful that when his 12 month tour in South Africa is up, a more exciting post awaits him in Paris. It doesn’t hurt that a Paris post will also allow him to be closer to his girlfriend when she returns to Europe in the near future. But his boss David Barlow (Brendan Gleason) isn’t as optimistic.
As his frustrations at the lack of mobility grows, Matt soon finds his quiet world torn asunder by the arrival of Tobin Frost (Denzel Washington). Frost is a former agent who went rogue and is considered an extremely dangerous and high-profile target. Having eluded the CIA for years, he only draws even more suspicion when he surrenders himself to a US consulate in South Africa. The CIA knows they have to act fast to determine what Frost knows, and quickly whisk him away to a safe house for intense interrogation. But the CIA aren’t the only ones who want to know Tobin’s secrets.
Although Matt is highly trained for his job running the safe house, he is very green when it comes to the reality of having to defend his domain against a surprise attack which leaves Tobin and Matt as the only survivors. Forced to flee and with nowhere to turn, Frost tries to convince Matt that they have been set up because someone in the agency does not want Frost to talk. At first skeptical, Matt is forced to step outside of his comfort zones and confront a deadly array of assassins as well as the threat posed by Frost himself and the unseen elements working against them. In a frantic race, Matt must keep Frost and himself alive as they attempt to reach safety and get to the truth behind the deadly game in which they’ve been cast.
Washington and Reynolds worked very well together and had a very natural, unforced chemistry. It was very nice to see Reynolds take on a grittier and more intense role than we have seen from him previously. Washington is a true artist at playing taciturn and wiley, and no one else can portray the pain and shock of being shot as subtly or as convincingly as Washington with just a simple change of expression.
That being said, the film had a number of issues. First and foremost, plot holes that you could drive a truck through and gaps in logic that really require the audience to take some serious leaps of faith. While there was some intense action, it was difficult to appreciate when it looked like the camera was being kicked around the floor during fight scenes, giving the film a very jerky quality. The film also suffered from some pacing issues with parts of the movie dragging as it worked toward an extremely predictable conclusion, one that I figured out very early into the film. There is some fine supporting work in the movie, particularly that of Gleeson and Arnezeder, as well as Ruben Blades as an old cohort of Frost’s, but it is not enough to help the film live up to its intriguing premise.
In the new action thriller “Safe House”, Reynolds eschews his typical charming, cocky, wisecracking on-screen personas to portray Matt as a mature young man with ambitions both inside and outside of his job. Matt longs to be assigned to a more glamorous position and is hopeful that when his 12 month tour in South Africa is up, a more exciting post awaits him in Paris. It doesn’t hurt that a Paris post will also allow him to be closer to his girlfriend when she returns to Europe in the near future. But his boss David Barlow (Brendan Gleason) isn’t as optimistic.
As his frustrations at the lack of mobility grows, Matt soon finds his quiet world torn asunder by the arrival of Tobin Frost (Denzel Washington). Frost is a former agent who went rogue and is considered an extremely dangerous and high-profile target. Having eluded the CIA for years, he only draws even more suspicion when he surrenders himself to a US consulate in South Africa. The CIA knows they have to act fast to determine what Frost knows, and quickly whisk him away to a safe house for intense interrogation. But the CIA aren’t the only ones who want to know Tobin’s secrets.
Although Matt is highly trained for his job running the safe house, he is very green when it comes to the reality of having to defend his domain against a surprise attack which leaves Tobin and Matt as the only survivors. Forced to flee and with nowhere to turn, Frost tries to convince Matt that they have been set up because someone in the agency does not want Frost to talk. At first skeptical, Matt is forced to step outside of his comfort zones and confront a deadly array of assassins as well as the threat posed by Frost himself and the unseen elements working against them. In a frantic race, Matt must keep Frost and himself alive as they attempt to reach safety and get to the truth behind the deadly game in which they’ve been cast.
Washington and Reynolds worked very well together and had a very natural, unforced chemistry. It was very nice to see Reynolds take on a grittier and more intense role than we have seen from him previously. Washington is a true artist at playing taciturn and wiley, and no one else can portray the pain and shock of being shot as subtly or as convincingly as Washington with just a simple change of expression.
That being said, the film had a number of issues. First and foremost, plot holes that you could drive a truck through and gaps in logic that really require the audience to take some serious leaps of faith. While there was some intense action, it was difficult to appreciate when it looked like the camera was being kicked around the floor during fight scenes, giving the film a very jerky quality. The film also suffered from some pacing issues with parts of the movie dragging as it worked toward an extremely predictable conclusion, one that I figured out very early into the film. There is some fine supporting work in the movie, particularly that of Gleeson and Arnezeder, as well as Ruben Blades as an old cohort of Frost’s, but it is not enough to help the film live up to its intriguing premise.
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) in Movies
Apr 5, 2021
At over 4 hours it's still bloated and sprawling (1 more)
4:3 ratio is a needless gimmick
Does Lipstick on the Pig work?
In Zack Snyder’s much-discussed director’s cut of “Justice League”, Superman (Henry Cavill) is dead (post the events of “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice“) and a grieving Lois Lane (Amy Adams) can’t move on. Even Martha Kent (Diane Lane) has had the family farm repossessed. But the world is in deadly danger due to the work of Steppenwolf and his army of parademons. They are trying to reunite three ‘Mother Boxes’, previously hidden on earth. If joined and synchronized they will form ‘The Unity’, creating a gateway for Steppenwolf’s boss – Darkseid – to arrive and control the universe by invoking the “anti-life equation” (basically lockdown 3!).
Only the Justice League’s combined talents might be enough to stop them – but Batman (Ben Affleck) is having trouble in getting Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot), Aquaman (Jason Momoa), Cyborg (Ray Fisher) and The Flash (Ezra Miller) to work together. And even then, they reckon they might be a man short!
Positives:
- Well - it's so much better than the original 2017 version of "Justice League", but then that's not saying much! (I realise that I never did a review for that movie, which I saw on a transatlantic flight - - I put the whole incoherent mess down to my jetlag. But no.... it really was an incoherent mess!).
In the Snyder cut, we gain a much broader introduction to all of the main characters, especially to Barry Allen (the Flash) - in a very entertaining pet shop interview scene - and Victor Stone (Cyborg). And Steppenwolf gets more air time to flesh out his character.
- The story I find very similar to the Marvel equivalent: with Darkseid = Thanos; boxes = stones; Avengers = Justice League! But the story is at least now coherent and flows well. Its action set pieces, especially the ultimate defeat of Steppenwolf (nice decap!), are exciting.
- Some of the distracting scenes (the trapped family in the Russian ruins is a key example) have been excised from this version, making for a significant improvement.
Negatives:
- I'm with Mark Kermode in being a little bit mystified by all of the rave 5* reviews for this one. By anyone's imagination, a run time of 242 minutes is over-indulgent.
- Although the epilogue scene, featuring Jared Leto's Joker and a Batman f-bomb, is entertaining, it actually adds nothing to the exposition and could have been dropped to reduce the bladder-testing run time.
- That 4:3 screen ratio! JUST WHY SNYDER, WHY? There's one scene in particular, where all six members of the Justice League line up in the sunset to dramatic swelling music. The screen ratio forces Snyder to film it at a 60 degree angle to get them all in! "Galaxy Quest" intelligently used three different screen ratios, to great visual effect. So I could perhaps understand it if the 'flashback' scenes had been 4:3 and the rest in 16:9. But as it is, the usage is gimmicky, making (imho) no sense for a big fantasy spectacle like this.
- The Junkie XL (as Thomas Holkenborg) soundtrack I'm afraid did nothing for me.
Summary thoughts:
It's a film, for sure. Is it a watchable film now... hmm, yes just about. And it has scenes which indeed are highly entertaining. But if you follow my One Mann's Movies blog you should know by now my view on movies that extend beyond 90 minutes... they need to justify that delta running time. And by outstaying this target by another 90 minutes... and then by ANOTHER 62 minutes borders on taking the <proverbial>. It's not Shakespeare!
(For the full graphical review, check out the One Mann's Movies review here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2021/04/04/zack-snyders-justice-league-does-lipstick-on-the-pig-work/).
Only the Justice League’s combined talents might be enough to stop them – but Batman (Ben Affleck) is having trouble in getting Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot), Aquaman (Jason Momoa), Cyborg (Ray Fisher) and The Flash (Ezra Miller) to work together. And even then, they reckon they might be a man short!
Positives:
- Well - it's so much better than the original 2017 version of "Justice League", but then that's not saying much! (I realise that I never did a review for that movie, which I saw on a transatlantic flight - - I put the whole incoherent mess down to my jetlag. But no.... it really was an incoherent mess!).
In the Snyder cut, we gain a much broader introduction to all of the main characters, especially to Barry Allen (the Flash) - in a very entertaining pet shop interview scene - and Victor Stone (Cyborg). And Steppenwolf gets more air time to flesh out his character.
- The story I find very similar to the Marvel equivalent: with Darkseid = Thanos; boxes = stones; Avengers = Justice League! But the story is at least now coherent and flows well. Its action set pieces, especially the ultimate defeat of Steppenwolf (nice decap!), are exciting.
- Some of the distracting scenes (the trapped family in the Russian ruins is a key example) have been excised from this version, making for a significant improvement.
Negatives:
- I'm with Mark Kermode in being a little bit mystified by all of the rave 5* reviews for this one. By anyone's imagination, a run time of 242 minutes is over-indulgent.
- Although the epilogue scene, featuring Jared Leto's Joker and a Batman f-bomb, is entertaining, it actually adds nothing to the exposition and could have been dropped to reduce the bladder-testing run time.
- That 4:3 screen ratio! JUST WHY SNYDER, WHY? There's one scene in particular, where all six members of the Justice League line up in the sunset to dramatic swelling music. The screen ratio forces Snyder to film it at a 60 degree angle to get them all in! "Galaxy Quest" intelligently used three different screen ratios, to great visual effect. So I could perhaps understand it if the 'flashback' scenes had been 4:3 and the rest in 16:9. But as it is, the usage is gimmicky, making (imho) no sense for a big fantasy spectacle like this.
- The Junkie XL (as Thomas Holkenborg) soundtrack I'm afraid did nothing for me.
Summary thoughts:
It's a film, for sure. Is it a watchable film now... hmm, yes just about. And it has scenes which indeed are highly entertaining. But if you follow my One Mann's Movies blog you should know by now my view on movies that extend beyond 90 minutes... they need to justify that delta running time. And by outstaying this target by another 90 minutes... and then by ANOTHER 62 minutes borders on taking the <proverbial>. It's not Shakespeare!
(For the full graphical review, check out the One Mann's Movies review here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2021/04/04/zack-snyders-justice-league-does-lipstick-on-the-pig-work/).
Hadley (567 KP) rated Stumbling Stoned (The Patchwork Prince #1) in Books
Oct 22, 2020
Dark humor (1 more)
Fast paced
When I realized that Wyck's Stumbling Stoned was like Memento meets a season of Fargo, I was all in. A book about a mental patient with amnesia that has supernatural powers? Yes, please!
I was completely blown away by the twists and turns in this story, and even more so by how well it all fit together. But if you find dark humor distasteful, you won't like this book very much. I found myself giggling at things I probably shouldn't have, but these things made it all the better.
Our main character is an amnesiac mental patient known as John Doe, and the entire story is told from his point-of-view. He escapes from the hospital soon after the start of the story with one of the psychiatrists in-tow. We find that Doe has tied up the former in a bathtub while an older man is tied up to a toilet. The man is unknown to the two, and apparently has jet black eyes that make him seem inhuman. And Doe seems to have eaten a fellow patient's finger and upchucked it in the sink- - - something that surprisingly disgusts him - - - and leads him to a drawing on the mirror above, something Doe drew before blacking out.
Doe, after realizing he kidnapped the psychiatrist, quickly lets her go, and goes off on his own with no idea who he is or where he's going. Just when the reader suspects that Doe might find out who he is, he is suddenly swept up into a human trafficking business and mafia dealings he had no idea existed. And because of this, after being drugged by a mafioso, Doe realizes that he has supernatural powers whenever he is hopped-up on drugs.
When Doe makes an escape from the dirty warehouse where young girls are held as sex slaves, he helps these girls by breaking their chains with his bare hands. Not only does he co-lead their escape, but he also ends up saving the daughter of a well-known Mafia boss. However, this leads to Doe being stuck in the middle of a family feud, and he is almost killed by this very same family for knowing just a little too much. And this isn't even half of the story!
Later on, Doe ends up in the hands of a witch, but he realizes quite quickly that she's not the one to fear, but rather who she is working for - - - a man named Zabat- - - who she is delivering our character to. Somehow, Zabat knows exactly who Doe is and why he has supernatural powers, but he refuses to tell him unless Doe helps him first. Doe refuses and, instead, throws himself out of a high rise window. From here, Doe begins to piece some of his life together, but Zabat causes a couple of problems that ends up revealing to the reader that Doe is not human and that the supernatural powers are not a figment of his imagination.
Now, the story is so fast-paced and borders on ridiculous at some points, yet it all fits together quite well; I personally can't think of another way this story could have been told, but that didn't make the book flawless. Stumbling Stoned had some bad writing techniques in it, but not enough that I think readers would put it down.
I can only recommend this book to people who like dark humor, but as far as horror - - - this isn't that type of book. Stumbling Stoned takes readers on a thrill ride through the seedier side of life. I personally believe this is a good book to read to get away from the daily stressors of life. I truly hope that Wyck decides to write a sequel!
I was completely blown away by the twists and turns in this story, and even more so by how well it all fit together. But if you find dark humor distasteful, you won't like this book very much. I found myself giggling at things I probably shouldn't have, but these things made it all the better.
Our main character is an amnesiac mental patient known as John Doe, and the entire story is told from his point-of-view. He escapes from the hospital soon after the start of the story with one of the psychiatrists in-tow. We find that Doe has tied up the former in a bathtub while an older man is tied up to a toilet. The man is unknown to the two, and apparently has jet black eyes that make him seem inhuman. And Doe seems to have eaten a fellow patient's finger and upchucked it in the sink- - - something that surprisingly disgusts him - - - and leads him to a drawing on the mirror above, something Doe drew before blacking out.
Doe, after realizing he kidnapped the psychiatrist, quickly lets her go, and goes off on his own with no idea who he is or where he's going. Just when the reader suspects that Doe might find out who he is, he is suddenly swept up into a human trafficking business and mafia dealings he had no idea existed. And because of this, after being drugged by a mafioso, Doe realizes that he has supernatural powers whenever he is hopped-up on drugs.
When Doe makes an escape from the dirty warehouse where young girls are held as sex slaves, he helps these girls by breaking their chains with his bare hands. Not only does he co-lead their escape, but he also ends up saving the daughter of a well-known Mafia boss. However, this leads to Doe being stuck in the middle of a family feud, and he is almost killed by this very same family for knowing just a little too much. And this isn't even half of the story!
Later on, Doe ends up in the hands of a witch, but he realizes quite quickly that she's not the one to fear, but rather who she is working for - - - a man named Zabat- - - who she is delivering our character to. Somehow, Zabat knows exactly who Doe is and why he has supernatural powers, but he refuses to tell him unless Doe helps him first. Doe refuses and, instead, throws himself out of a high rise window. From here, Doe begins to piece some of his life together, but Zabat causes a couple of problems that ends up revealing to the reader that Doe is not human and that the supernatural powers are not a figment of his imagination.
Now, the story is so fast-paced and borders on ridiculous at some points, yet it all fits together quite well; I personally can't think of another way this story could have been told, but that didn't make the book flawless. Stumbling Stoned had some bad writing techniques in it, but not enough that I think readers would put it down.
I can only recommend this book to people who like dark humor, but as far as horror - - - this isn't that type of book. Stumbling Stoned takes readers on a thrill ride through the seedier side of life. I personally believe this is a good book to read to get away from the daily stressors of life. I truly hope that Wyck decides to write a sequel!
Kirk Bage (1775 KP) rated Unsolved Mysteries in TV
Jan 22, 2021 (Updated Jan 22, 2021)
It is a guilty secret of mine that when in the right mood I love to get a small fix of the unexplained or the macabre true crime documentary type thing. They tend to range from truly ridiculous to the mildly convincing, but tend not to have especially high production value. Netflix seem to know there is demand for it however, and every now and again there is a mini-series that can live in the same box as the more serious docs.
Making a Murderer was maybe the first to break through into the mainstream consciousness, some five years ago. I watched the first series of that with a morbid fascination, as did everyone else. The second season was interesting too, but lacked the cliffhanger drive of the first. Then there are three or four parters like the superlative Ted Bundy Tapes, which get to the point and don’t out stay their welcome. Unsolved Mysteries is sort of something in the middle.
The twist on this series is that these six stories are all active cases that remain unsolved by local police forces, and we are encouraged at the end of each one to call a hotline with any info that may lead to an arrest. This is a gimmick, of course, and I can’t imagine the calls and emails they have been getting! Those would make a better TV show than this actually is, for sure.
Each episode is an hour long, which in honesty is twice as long as it needs to be in half the cases. In fact, only two of the six captured my imagination enough to give me chills and want to know what happened. The other four were standard missing person stories that although “unsolved” were pretty mundane. As mundane as murder ever gets… which is a pitfall of watching this stuff… it all gets quite normalised and loses its power to disturb, as it should.
The first to interest me was the first up, the strange story of Rey Rivera, known as “the mystery on the rooftop”. The thing that got me was the hidden note taped to the back of his computer, that read like a coded message, and hinted at involvement with a secret society. That, combined with the fact that his fall to death was impossible, and that his boss put a gagging order on all his staff after the event. Whatever this guy had going on in his life it was weird! And his family knew not one thing about it…
The second was “House of Terror”, the story of a French aristocrat who secretly shot his entire family while they slept, carefully buried them under the back porch with immense care, left no other trace of evidence in the house, then disappeared forever into the mountains, seemingly creating a deliberate false trail on CCTV. What got me here was the calculation and calm of it all, combined with the mystery of not knowing his motive, other than the fact he may have been living a lie about how successful he was financially. Regardless, his actions were so cool and unpanicked, it was like watching something out of the Bourne Identity.
As I say, otherwise it is all pretty standard stuff, and nothing to write home about. But I will remember those two cases and be holding out for any new developments in them. I guess that’s all they want – enough intrigue to keep you hooked for more down the line. Of course, you are never quite sure how manipulative with the “truth” these things are? It seemed to be presented soberly and without a sensationalist angle, but you never know. Why do I watch them at all, that is the biggest mystery…
Making a Murderer was maybe the first to break through into the mainstream consciousness, some five years ago. I watched the first series of that with a morbid fascination, as did everyone else. The second season was interesting too, but lacked the cliffhanger drive of the first. Then there are three or four parters like the superlative Ted Bundy Tapes, which get to the point and don’t out stay their welcome. Unsolved Mysteries is sort of something in the middle.
The twist on this series is that these six stories are all active cases that remain unsolved by local police forces, and we are encouraged at the end of each one to call a hotline with any info that may lead to an arrest. This is a gimmick, of course, and I can’t imagine the calls and emails they have been getting! Those would make a better TV show than this actually is, for sure.
Each episode is an hour long, which in honesty is twice as long as it needs to be in half the cases. In fact, only two of the six captured my imagination enough to give me chills and want to know what happened. The other four were standard missing person stories that although “unsolved” were pretty mundane. As mundane as murder ever gets… which is a pitfall of watching this stuff… it all gets quite normalised and loses its power to disturb, as it should.
The first to interest me was the first up, the strange story of Rey Rivera, known as “the mystery on the rooftop”. The thing that got me was the hidden note taped to the back of his computer, that read like a coded message, and hinted at involvement with a secret society. That, combined with the fact that his fall to death was impossible, and that his boss put a gagging order on all his staff after the event. Whatever this guy had going on in his life it was weird! And his family knew not one thing about it…
The second was “House of Terror”, the story of a French aristocrat who secretly shot his entire family while they slept, carefully buried them under the back porch with immense care, left no other trace of evidence in the house, then disappeared forever into the mountains, seemingly creating a deliberate false trail on CCTV. What got me here was the calculation and calm of it all, combined with the mystery of not knowing his motive, other than the fact he may have been living a lie about how successful he was financially. Regardless, his actions were so cool and unpanicked, it was like watching something out of the Bourne Identity.
As I say, otherwise it is all pretty standard stuff, and nothing to write home about. But I will remember those two cases and be holding out for any new developments in them. I guess that’s all they want – enough intrigue to keep you hooked for more down the line. Of course, you are never quite sure how manipulative with the “truth” these things are? It seemed to be presented soberly and without a sensationalist angle, but you never know. Why do I watch them at all, that is the biggest mystery…
Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Live By Night (2017) in Movies
Jul 12, 2019
I’m a sucker for a Prohibition-set yarn. It’s a fascinating period in history and typically yields excellent filmmaking with gritty, no-nonsense performances, gorgeous production design and hard-boiled action. It was De Palma’s The Untouchables that hooked me. Some would call it a guilty pleasure; and sure, Morricone’s score is a little over-the-top, De Niro is more caricature than character actor as Al Capone and I’m not going to argue that Connery’s Oscar was a “sympathy vote”, but it’s got everything I mentioned above in spades and for me it’ll always be the high benchmark of the Prohibition era gangster epic. Ben Affleck’s fourth turn as director has done nothing to change my position on that.
Live by Night is an uninspired mess, from voice-over laden start to disastrously predictable end, bringing nothing new or exciting to the table. Beat for beat, its weak script moves from one sigh-inducing cliché to another, reaching clumsily for moments of high emotion that ring hollow and false. If anyone needs any further proof that Matt Damon did all the heavy lifting on the script for Good Will Hunting, they need look no further. It feels wrong to come down so hard on Affleck after his back-to-back successes as a director, but this is more akin to the first work of a blundering novice, and also certainly not what we’ve come to expect of a Dennis Lehane adaptation (see Mystic River, Shutter Island and Affleck’s own incredible directorial debut, Gone Baby Gone). His decision to wear so many hats on this project, producing, directing, sole screenwriter and lead actor, has to be the reason for this stumble. The script desperately needed another set of eyes and the part of Joe Coughlin was clearly written for someone younger and more capable of performing with the subtlety needed to play someone who has to traverse the number of moral dilemmas he’s faced with. Hopefully, this inevitable failure will be what convinces Affleck that his place should be behind the camera directing other people’s scripts and guiding other people’s performances.
Speaking of the performances, there is a massive curve in this collection of acting that swings wildly from the cartoonish to the nuanced. To start with, we have Matthew Maher as a KKK member out for his cut and Robert Glenister as an Irish mob boss, both of whom are supposed to be playing dangerous and threatening but can’t do any better than laughable and two-dimensional. Then there’s Chris Messina and Affleck himself as the hoods on the rise, their chemistry is ill-advised at best as they both seem to think they’re in a buddy comedy as opposed to a serious piece of gangster melodrama A favorite of mine, Brendan Gleeson, sadly leaves the screen within the first twenty minutes and that left me with only the inimitable Chris Cooper to look forward to. The subplot involving him and Elle Fanning, as his born-again daughter speaking out against Coughlin’s sinful ways is not without problems of its own, but at least they sell it. That should be no surprise on Cooper’s part, but now between this and The Neon Demon last summer; Fanning is firmly on my radar as one to watch. My hope was that we were going to get some tremendous battle of wills between her and Affleck’s character akin to Paul Dano and Daniel Day-Lewis’ conflict in There Will Be Blood, but that was definitely asking too much. Fanning’s role, like Gleeson’s, is unfortunately cut short just as it gets good.
I guess The Untouchables is starting to sound less like a guilty pleasure and more like a masterpiece when compared to this regrettable misfire.
Live by Night is an uninspired mess, from voice-over laden start to disastrously predictable end, bringing nothing new or exciting to the table. Beat for beat, its weak script moves from one sigh-inducing cliché to another, reaching clumsily for moments of high emotion that ring hollow and false. If anyone needs any further proof that Matt Damon did all the heavy lifting on the script for Good Will Hunting, they need look no further. It feels wrong to come down so hard on Affleck after his back-to-back successes as a director, but this is more akin to the first work of a blundering novice, and also certainly not what we’ve come to expect of a Dennis Lehane adaptation (see Mystic River, Shutter Island and Affleck’s own incredible directorial debut, Gone Baby Gone). His decision to wear so many hats on this project, producing, directing, sole screenwriter and lead actor, has to be the reason for this stumble. The script desperately needed another set of eyes and the part of Joe Coughlin was clearly written for someone younger and more capable of performing with the subtlety needed to play someone who has to traverse the number of moral dilemmas he’s faced with. Hopefully, this inevitable failure will be what convinces Affleck that his place should be behind the camera directing other people’s scripts and guiding other people’s performances.
Speaking of the performances, there is a massive curve in this collection of acting that swings wildly from the cartoonish to the nuanced. To start with, we have Matthew Maher as a KKK member out for his cut and Robert Glenister as an Irish mob boss, both of whom are supposed to be playing dangerous and threatening but can’t do any better than laughable and two-dimensional. Then there’s Chris Messina and Affleck himself as the hoods on the rise, their chemistry is ill-advised at best as they both seem to think they’re in a buddy comedy as opposed to a serious piece of gangster melodrama A favorite of mine, Brendan Gleeson, sadly leaves the screen within the first twenty minutes and that left me with only the inimitable Chris Cooper to look forward to. The subplot involving him and Elle Fanning, as his born-again daughter speaking out against Coughlin’s sinful ways is not without problems of its own, but at least they sell it. That should be no surprise on Cooper’s part, but now between this and The Neon Demon last summer; Fanning is firmly on my radar as one to watch. My hope was that we were going to get some tremendous battle of wills between her and Affleck’s character akin to Paul Dano and Daniel Day-Lewis’ conflict in There Will Be Blood, but that was definitely asking too much. Fanning’s role, like Gleeson’s, is unfortunately cut short just as it gets good.
I guess The Untouchables is starting to sound less like a guilty pleasure and more like a masterpiece when compared to this regrettable misfire.
Matthew Krueger (10051 KP) rated Ghost Stories in Tabletop Games
Jul 28, 2020 (Updated Jul 30, 2020)
The Gameplay (4 more)
The Strategy
Replay Value
Thinking Ten Steps Ahead
The Concept
Hard (2 more)
Luck of the dice
The cruse dice
Spooky Scary Ghosts
I learned about this game through Dice Tower reviews, Rahdo runthrough and BoardGameGeek. And it looked really good. A cooperative game in which the players protect the village from incarnations of the lord of hell – Wu-Feng – and his legions of ghosts before they haunt a town and recover the ashes that will allow him to return to life. That sounded really intresting and unquite. So i bought it and its a excellent game. Let me talk more about it..
Gameplay:
Each Player represents a Taoist monk working together with the others to fight off waves of ghosts.
The players, using teamwork, will have to exorcise the ghosts that appear during the course of the game. At the beginning of his turn, a player brings a ghost into play and places it on a free spot, and more than one can come in at the same time. The ghosts all have abilities of their own – some affecting the Taoists and their powers, some causing the active player to roll the curse die for a random effect, and others haunting the villager tiles and blocking that tile's special action. On his turn, a Taoist can move on a tile in order to exorcise adjacent ghosts or to benefit from the villager living on the tile, providing it is not haunted. Each tile of the village allows the players to benefit from a different bonus. With the cemetery, for example, Taoists can bring a dead Taoist back to life, while the herbalist allows to recover spent Tao tokens, etc. It will also be possible to get traps or move ghosts or unhaunt other village tiles.
To exorcise a ghost, the Taoist rolls three Tao dice with different colors: red, blue, green, yellow, black, and white. If the result of the roll matches the color(s) of the ghost or incarnation of Wu-Feng, the exorcism succeeds. The white result is a wild color that can be used as any color. For example, to exorcise a green ghost with 3 resistance, you need to roll three green, three white, or a combination of both. If your die rolls fall short, you can also use Tao tokens that match the color in addition to your roll. You may choose to use these after your roll. Taoists gain these tokens by using certain village tiles or by exorcising certain ghosts. One of the Taoists has a power that allows him to receive such a token once per turn.
To win, the players must defeat the incarnation of Wu-Feng, a boss who arrives at the end of the game. There are also harder difficulty levels that add more incarnations of Wu-Feng, in which to win, you must defeat all of them.
There are many more ways to lose, however. The players lose if three of the village's tiles are haunted, if the draw pile is emptied while the incarnation of Wu-Feng is still in play, or if all the priests are dead.
It is hard game but the strategy to this game is excellent cause you have to think about your moves and what to do next. That and the clock is ticking down to one of the ten Wu-Feng Minions. Also if 3 village spaces get crushed than you lose. Also the luck of the dice and the cards. The strategy is ten fold. Its hard but a excellent game and a must play game. Buy it if you havent already cause its a must. If you want to learn more or see a runthrough of the game go to BoardGameGeek, Rahdo Runthroughs or Dice Tower Reviews.
Gameplay:
Each Player represents a Taoist monk working together with the others to fight off waves of ghosts.
The players, using teamwork, will have to exorcise the ghosts that appear during the course of the game. At the beginning of his turn, a player brings a ghost into play and places it on a free spot, and more than one can come in at the same time. The ghosts all have abilities of their own – some affecting the Taoists and their powers, some causing the active player to roll the curse die for a random effect, and others haunting the villager tiles and blocking that tile's special action. On his turn, a Taoist can move on a tile in order to exorcise adjacent ghosts or to benefit from the villager living on the tile, providing it is not haunted. Each tile of the village allows the players to benefit from a different bonus. With the cemetery, for example, Taoists can bring a dead Taoist back to life, while the herbalist allows to recover spent Tao tokens, etc. It will also be possible to get traps or move ghosts or unhaunt other village tiles.
To exorcise a ghost, the Taoist rolls three Tao dice with different colors: red, blue, green, yellow, black, and white. If the result of the roll matches the color(s) of the ghost or incarnation of Wu-Feng, the exorcism succeeds. The white result is a wild color that can be used as any color. For example, to exorcise a green ghost with 3 resistance, you need to roll three green, three white, or a combination of both. If your die rolls fall short, you can also use Tao tokens that match the color in addition to your roll. You may choose to use these after your roll. Taoists gain these tokens by using certain village tiles or by exorcising certain ghosts. One of the Taoists has a power that allows him to receive such a token once per turn.
To win, the players must defeat the incarnation of Wu-Feng, a boss who arrives at the end of the game. There are also harder difficulty levels that add more incarnations of Wu-Feng, in which to win, you must defeat all of them.
There are many more ways to lose, however. The players lose if three of the village's tiles are haunted, if the draw pile is emptied while the incarnation of Wu-Feng is still in play, or if all the priests are dead.
It is hard game but the strategy to this game is excellent cause you have to think about your moves and what to do next. That and the clock is ticking down to one of the ten Wu-Feng Minions. Also if 3 village spaces get crushed than you lose. Also the luck of the dice and the cards. The strategy is ten fold. Its hard but a excellent game and a must play game. Buy it if you havent already cause its a must. If you want to learn more or see a runthrough of the game go to BoardGameGeek, Rahdo Runthroughs or Dice Tower Reviews.
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated The Equalizer 2 (2018) in Movies
Sep 28, 2021
A “Good Guy” meting out justice in a bad way.
There’s something really satisfying about seeing our ‘hero’ Robert McCall giving bad ‘uns a bloody nose (and far worse) as immediate punishment for a crime committed. My parent’s pre-war generation would wax lyrical about the days when police officers or teachers could give a kid a “good box around the ears” as a lesson for a minor infringement. (“Ah, the good old days…. That’ll learn ‘im”!). But equally there’s also the queasy feeling here that this is a vigilante being judge, jury and executioner. Thank GOODNESS then that it’s Denzel Washington and he’s OBVIOUSLY a good guy that will never get it wrong!
Washington returns here as the righter of wrongs, now working as a Lyft driver in Boston (clearly Uber either lost the bidding war or they were not considered to be as cool a brand anymore). Through his job he crosses paths with various troubled souls and is often able to help: sometimes with just an encouraging word; sometimes with more physical activity! By way of validating his good guy credentials, he also takes under his wing Miles (Ashton Sanders) – a local black kid at risk of being dragged into the Boston gang scene.
But this is all window-dressing for the main plot, involving bad guys (for reasons that escaped me) tidying up a lot of CIA loose ends in Brussels in a very brutal way. In charge of the investigation is Robert’s ex-boss Susan Plummer (Melissa Leo) and to help out further Robert has to ‘reappear’ to his ex-partner Dave York (Pedro Pascal). As in the first film, events lead to an explosive western-style showdown.
Directed again by Antoine Fuqua, the film oozes style from the impressive opening shots of a Turkish train, where the cinematography by Bourne-regular Oliver Wood is exceptional. The action scenes are well-executed, and includes a superb science experiment that will puzzle any viewer who thinks “hang on a minute – flour doesn’t burn”!
Reading again my review of the original film, I went off on a rant about extreme screen violence in sub-18 certificate films. There is certainly – as the British film censors (the BBFC) describe it – “strong violence” in this film, with some pretty brutal murder scenes. If anything though I thought the violence was a little less gratuitous this time around, which I welcome.
Denzel is the greatest asset of this film though. He acts up a hurricane (literally), and without his calm and powerful presence at the heart of the film, this would just be A.N.Other generic thriller. It’s also great that this time around the excellent Melissa Leo gets more screen time, as does her husband played by Bill “Independence Day” Pullman. (Is it just me that gets Mr Pullman confused with the late Mr Paxton? I spent all of this film thinking “Oh how sad” though all his scenes before I realised I was grieving for the wrong guy!). In terms of mistaken identity, this film has another in that a key villain Resnik looks far too much like Mark Wahlberg, but is actually Canadian actor Jonathan Scarfe.
Where the film stumbled for me was in having too many parallel “good deed” sub-plots. One in particular – you’ll know the one – feels completely superfluous, beggars belief and could have been excised completely for the DVD deleted scenes.
Do you need to have seen the first film? No, not really. There is exposition about McCall’s back-story, but if this was covered in the first film then I had completely forgotten it. It certainly didn’t detract from this as a stand-alone film.
A cut-above the norm, Washington’s solid performance makes this an entertaining night out at the flicks.
Washington returns here as the righter of wrongs, now working as a Lyft driver in Boston (clearly Uber either lost the bidding war or they were not considered to be as cool a brand anymore). Through his job he crosses paths with various troubled souls and is often able to help: sometimes with just an encouraging word; sometimes with more physical activity! By way of validating his good guy credentials, he also takes under his wing Miles (Ashton Sanders) – a local black kid at risk of being dragged into the Boston gang scene.
But this is all window-dressing for the main plot, involving bad guys (for reasons that escaped me) tidying up a lot of CIA loose ends in Brussels in a very brutal way. In charge of the investigation is Robert’s ex-boss Susan Plummer (Melissa Leo) and to help out further Robert has to ‘reappear’ to his ex-partner Dave York (Pedro Pascal). As in the first film, events lead to an explosive western-style showdown.
Directed again by Antoine Fuqua, the film oozes style from the impressive opening shots of a Turkish train, where the cinematography by Bourne-regular Oliver Wood is exceptional. The action scenes are well-executed, and includes a superb science experiment that will puzzle any viewer who thinks “hang on a minute – flour doesn’t burn”!
Reading again my review of the original film, I went off on a rant about extreme screen violence in sub-18 certificate films. There is certainly – as the British film censors (the BBFC) describe it – “strong violence” in this film, with some pretty brutal murder scenes. If anything though I thought the violence was a little less gratuitous this time around, which I welcome.
Denzel is the greatest asset of this film though. He acts up a hurricane (literally), and without his calm and powerful presence at the heart of the film, this would just be A.N.Other generic thriller. It’s also great that this time around the excellent Melissa Leo gets more screen time, as does her husband played by Bill “Independence Day” Pullman. (Is it just me that gets Mr Pullman confused with the late Mr Paxton? I spent all of this film thinking “Oh how sad” though all his scenes before I realised I was grieving for the wrong guy!). In terms of mistaken identity, this film has another in that a key villain Resnik looks far too much like Mark Wahlberg, but is actually Canadian actor Jonathan Scarfe.
Where the film stumbled for me was in having too many parallel “good deed” sub-plots. One in particular – you’ll know the one – feels completely superfluous, beggars belief and could have been excised completely for the DVD deleted scenes.
Do you need to have seen the first film? No, not really. There is exposition about McCall’s back-story, but if this was covered in the first film then I had completely forgotten it. It certainly didn’t detract from this as a stand-alone film.
A cut-above the norm, Washington’s solid performance makes this an entertaining night out at the flicks.
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated The Snowman (2017) in Movies
Sep 29, 2021
“We’re trudging through the slush”.
Unlike its animated namesake, “The Snowman” is not a good film. Frustratingly it has all the right ingredients:
A story by bestselling Nordic writer Jo Nesbø;
Gorgeously photogenic snowy scenes of Oslo and Bergen;
A stellar cast (Michael Fassbender (“Alien: Covenant“); Rebecca Ferguson (“Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation“); J.K. Simmons (“Whiplash“); Toby Jones (“Dad’s Army“); Chloe Sevigny (“Love and Friendship“); Charlotte Gainsbourg (“Independence Day: Resurgence“, very sexy as Fassbender’s ex-squeeze) and even Val Kilmer (“Top Gun”, whose mother – interesting fact – is actually Swedish).
snowman2
That sinking feeling when you realise you’ve been drinking all night and its too late for bed before work.
And while these elements congeal in the snow together quite well as vignettes, the whole film jerks from vignette to vignette in a most unsatisfactory way. I haven’t read the book (which might be much better) but the inclusion in the (terrible!) trailers of key scenes that never made the final cut (where was the fire for example?, the fish? the man trap?) implied to me that the director (Tomas Alfredson, “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”) and screenwriting team – Peter Straughan (also “Tinker, Tailor”), Hossein Amini (“The Two Faces of January“) and Søren Sveistrup (TV’s “The Killing”) – either didn’t have (or didn’t agree on) the direction they wanted the film to go in.
Film Title: The Snowman
Arve Stop (J.K. Simmons) and Katrine (Rebecca Ferguson) having a “Weinstein moment” at the hotel.
Nesbø (and indeed most crime writers these days) litter their work with damaged cops…. you have to question whether the detective application form has a mandatory check-box with “alcoholic and borderline psycho” on it!. This film is no exception. Fassbender plays Nesbø’s master sleuth Harry Hole: an alcoholic insomniac well off the rails between homicide cases. “If only Oslo had a higher murder rate” bemoans his boss (Ronan Vibert). He joins forces with newby officer Katrine Bratt (Rebecca Ferguson), who has her fair share of mental demons to fight, in investigating a series of missing person/murder cases. The duo unearth a link between the cases – all happen when the snow starts to fall and to particular types of women, with the protagonist leaving a snowman at the scene.
snowman5
One of the cuter snowmen… they get worse… much worse.
The plot is highly formulaic – I guessed who the killer was within about 20 minutes. But what makes this movie stand out, for all the wrong reasons, is that it has one of the most stupid, vacuous, flaccid, inane, ridiculous … (add 50 other thesaurus entries)… endings imaginable. My mouth actually gaped in astonishment!
There are also a surprisingly large number of loose ends you ponder after the film ends: why the “Snowman”‘s fixation with Harry?; what was with the “Vetlesen cleaner” subplot? How is Star Trek transportation possible in Norway? (But wait… “Telemark”… “Teleport”…. coincidence????? 🙂
On the plus side, there is some lovely Norwegian drone cinematography – (by Australian Dion Beebe (“Edge of Tomorrow“) – that immediately made me put “travel by winter train from Oslo to Bergen” on my life-map. The music by Marco Beltrami (“Logan“) is also effective and suitably Hitchcockian.
If you like your films gory, this one is definitely for you, with some pretty graphic content that (for those who like to cover their eyes) is cut to so quickly by editors Thelma Schoonmaker (“The Wolf of Wall Street“) and Claire Simpson (“Far From The Madding Crowd“) that your hands won’t have time to leave your lap! I remember this being a feature of a previous Nesbø adaptation (the much better “Headhunters” from 2011) but here it goes into overdrive.
snowman1
One of my favourite actresses – Rebecca Ferguson, curiously playing much “younger” in this film than she appears in her previous hits.
Overall this was a rather disappointing effort that was heading for a FFf rating. But just because of that ending I’m knocking a whole extra Fad off!
A story by bestselling Nordic writer Jo Nesbø;
Gorgeously photogenic snowy scenes of Oslo and Bergen;
A stellar cast (Michael Fassbender (“Alien: Covenant“); Rebecca Ferguson (“Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation“); J.K. Simmons (“Whiplash“); Toby Jones (“Dad’s Army“); Chloe Sevigny (“Love and Friendship“); Charlotte Gainsbourg (“Independence Day: Resurgence“, very sexy as Fassbender’s ex-squeeze) and even Val Kilmer (“Top Gun”, whose mother – interesting fact – is actually Swedish).
snowman2
That sinking feeling when you realise you’ve been drinking all night and its too late for bed before work.
And while these elements congeal in the snow together quite well as vignettes, the whole film jerks from vignette to vignette in a most unsatisfactory way. I haven’t read the book (which might be much better) but the inclusion in the (terrible!) trailers of key scenes that never made the final cut (where was the fire for example?, the fish? the man trap?) implied to me that the director (Tomas Alfredson, “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”) and screenwriting team – Peter Straughan (also “Tinker, Tailor”), Hossein Amini (“The Two Faces of January“) and Søren Sveistrup (TV’s “The Killing”) – either didn’t have (or didn’t agree on) the direction they wanted the film to go in.
Film Title: The Snowman
Arve Stop (J.K. Simmons) and Katrine (Rebecca Ferguson) having a “Weinstein moment” at the hotel.
Nesbø (and indeed most crime writers these days) litter their work with damaged cops…. you have to question whether the detective application form has a mandatory check-box with “alcoholic and borderline psycho” on it!. This film is no exception. Fassbender plays Nesbø’s master sleuth Harry Hole: an alcoholic insomniac well off the rails between homicide cases. “If only Oslo had a higher murder rate” bemoans his boss (Ronan Vibert). He joins forces with newby officer Katrine Bratt (Rebecca Ferguson), who has her fair share of mental demons to fight, in investigating a series of missing person/murder cases. The duo unearth a link between the cases – all happen when the snow starts to fall and to particular types of women, with the protagonist leaving a snowman at the scene.
snowman5
One of the cuter snowmen… they get worse… much worse.
The plot is highly formulaic – I guessed who the killer was within about 20 minutes. But what makes this movie stand out, for all the wrong reasons, is that it has one of the most stupid, vacuous, flaccid, inane, ridiculous … (add 50 other thesaurus entries)… endings imaginable. My mouth actually gaped in astonishment!
There are also a surprisingly large number of loose ends you ponder after the film ends: why the “Snowman”‘s fixation with Harry?; what was with the “Vetlesen cleaner” subplot? How is Star Trek transportation possible in Norway? (But wait… “Telemark”… “Teleport”…. coincidence????? 🙂
On the plus side, there is some lovely Norwegian drone cinematography – (by Australian Dion Beebe (“Edge of Tomorrow“) – that immediately made me put “travel by winter train from Oslo to Bergen” on my life-map. The music by Marco Beltrami (“Logan“) is also effective and suitably Hitchcockian.
If you like your films gory, this one is definitely for you, with some pretty graphic content that (for those who like to cover their eyes) is cut to so quickly by editors Thelma Schoonmaker (“The Wolf of Wall Street“) and Claire Simpson (“Far From The Madding Crowd“) that your hands won’t have time to leave your lap! I remember this being a feature of a previous Nesbø adaptation (the much better “Headhunters” from 2011) but here it goes into overdrive.
snowman1
One of my favourite actresses – Rebecca Ferguson, curiously playing much “younger” in this film than she appears in her previous hits.
Overall this was a rather disappointing effort that was heading for a FFf rating. But just because of that ending I’m knocking a whole extra Fad off!