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YOHO (You Only Hang Once)
YOHO (You Only Hang Once)
2020 | Card Game, Pirates
If you have been following us for a while you will no doubt remember my love of the pirate theme in board games. In fact, three of my top 20 games feature pirates. So when I heard the pitch for this one that it is a, “semi-cooperative card game for 2 to 4 players where you take on the role of a notorious pirate, stuck on a ship of thieves and liars” I knew I wanted in. While I wasn’t blown away, there are some quality play experiences to be had. Let me explain.

As mentioned previously, YOHO is a semi-cooperative game of pirate players attempting to find the Treasure and bury it in their safe spaces by the end of the game. Players will be assuming roles of jobs on a pirate ship: Captain, Quartermaster, Bosun, Seadog, and Pariah. These positions have jobs and pirating to do or else they may find themselves walking the plank.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T


To setup players will choose their pirate persona and place it in front of them with the Loyal side showing. On the backside is the Rebel side, which will allow the player special abilities later in the game. A Captain is chosen and that player then doles out the remaining ranks of pirate jobs to the other players. Each player will be dealt five cards from the shuffled Blame deck (draw deck) for their starting hands. The top card from the deck is flipped to become the Blame Pile (discards). The Captain takes the Course card and places it Port side up. The game may now begin!
The active player’s turn will be comprised of four steps. The first step is refilling the hand to five cards. Should the player have more than five then no additional cards are drawn. Next the player will choose one card from hand to play to the Blame Pile. The card may not contain the same text as the card below it, so no stacking UNO Draw 2s. Once the card is played to the Blame Pile the active player will carry out the card’s instructions. These could be switching hands with other players, flipping their pirate cards to Rebel or vice versa to Loyal, Demoting pirate ranks, or one of the other four actions printed on the cards. Finally the active player passes the Course card to the next player to take their turn.

While this all seems typical of many card games, YOHO forks from the common by employing a Blame mechanic. One of the aforementioned other actions on cards is the Accuse action. When one player accuses another the Blame Pile is consulted, and whichever pirate’s rank number matches the highest sum of the matching rank number of cards in the Blame will take the entirety of the Blame Pile into their hand. For example, if the Bosun (3) accuses the Seadog (2) then the Blame Pile is sifted through in order to see how many cards match the 2 and 3 of the ranks involved. Add up the totals of these cards to arrive at the rank’s Blame. The larger number receives the Blame. Special rules are provided for when the Captain is both involved in an accusation and also when the Captain is forced to take the Blame.


The game ends once a pirate draws the last card from the Blame (draw) deck. Players will total their matching Blame in their hands, adjust this number if the player holds the Treasure card or if the pirate is Loyal vs. Rebel according to the Course card’s current display. The player with the most Blame will walk the plank and lose immediately. With a few other scoring rules the player still on board with the highest rank wins!
Components. This game is a deck of cards in a tuckbox. The cards are all fine quality with linen finish (the best finish methinks). The art is somewhat cartoony, but still enjoyable and not offensive at all. I don’t have any problems with the components in YOHO.

My first game of YOHO was played between my wife and I and it was a disaster. I strongly suggest playing with three or four, with four giving the best experience. When the full compliment is used there is only one “inactive” pirate who sits in the middle of the table holding onto their rank and not really doing anything. A ghost player, if you will. However, with two players there are three ghost players not doing anything. It just didn’t work with us AT ALL. But four players was quite enjoyable and actually saved this one for me.

I like the gameplay here. It is different and quirky, and I like that. The constantly-shifting ranks and demotions left and right makes players wish for promotions, but those only come as demotions to a higher rank. Also being able to accuse other players caters to the card counters in the group because they can be watching which cards are played to the Blame Pile and know exactly which rank has more cards represented. While that is dependent on the type of players involved, I have not found that to be a problem. I also really like the shifting Course card. When on Port all pirates can do their jobs, but as soon as it flips to Starboard the Rebel pirates may NOT complete their jobs. This is such an interesting way to utilize the active player token instead of just noting which player’s turn it is currently.

Again, I do NOT recommend playing with two, but definitely do recommend with four. I would be hesitant at three, but it can certainly work. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a wishy-washy-swashbuckling 8 / 12. If your collection is missing another pirate card game that can be played quickly, has interesting twists, and fresh-feeling mechanics, give YOHO a try. You might finally have the chance to send your rival off the plank. But be warned, despite the title, there is no hanging in YOHO (You Only Hang Once).
  
Poseidon (2006)
Poseidon (2006)
2006 | Action, Drama
The summer movie season has arrived in grand style with the first thrill ride of the season In Poseidon, viewers are taking to the very edge and beyond in one of the better adventure films in recent memory.

Based on the 1972 original, the film once again follows a ship in peril and a group of survivors attempting to save themselves from certain doom. Onboard the Poseidon, the guests are a mixed bag of society, but fate is about to bring them all together when their transatlantic crossing hits a rather unexpected snag in the form of a massive tidal wave which capsizes the boat leaving the survivors to deal with an upside down ship and the constant threat of drowning.

Wasting little time on character backgrounds and motivations, the film gets right to the action as within 10 minutes, the action is underway, and rarely lets up over the roughly 99 minutes of the films run time.

After the disaster has hit and the survivors survey the carnage caused by the wave, Robert Ramsey (Kurt Russell), decides to ignore the advice of the ships captain and follow a maverick named Dylan (Josh Lucas), out of the ballroom in an effort not only to find his daughter, but a way out of the ship. Joining the duo are a young mother named Maggie (Jacinda Barrett), and her son, as well as business man Richard Nelson (Richard Dreyfuss). As the group ventures to find a way out, they do in time meet up with Roberts’s daughter and her finance as well as a few other survivors.

As the group is forced to work with one another for survival, conflicts arise as Dylan and Robert clash over the best course of action. It is learned that Robert was a former fireman who after a heroic act was able to become Mayor of New York, but for reasons unknown was not able to deal with his success which had caused his wife to leave him. Now Michael spends his days in luxury being an overprotective father to his daughter Jennifer (Emmy Rossum).

While much of Michael’s past is uncovered in a few lines tossed at him in a moment of anger, even less is known about Dylan. Prior to the accident, he revealed to Maggie that he takes money from people who like to get into arguments and play cards. Only Richard Nelsons character is given a bit more background as we learn that he is a Gay business man whose lover has left him for another in London, leaving Richard alone, and suicidal. The fact that Richard is preparing to jump overboard and is stopped only by the site of the closing wave allows his character to show some diversity as in the face of disaster, he finds new meaning and purpose.

The remainder of the film is packed with narrow escapes, danger, death, and the ever constant menace of the water which like an unrelenting killer is never far away from the group and stalks them without mercy at every turn.

While some of the situations are beyond reason, the film has some impressive sets and visuals, and Director Wolfgang Peterson keeps the pacing of the film fresh as it never stops long enough to loose its momentum.

The leads do the best they can with their stock characters, yet this is compensated for by the thrills of the film and the physicality of the rolls. Josh Lucas reportedly broke his arm while filming the movie underscoring just how much the actors put themselves into the film.

While Poseidon is not likely to be a cinematic classic, it is an enjoyable if flawed summer film that provides enough thrills to keep you entertained.
  
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Lee (2222 KP) rated Okja (2017) in Movies

Jul 14, 2017  
Okja (2017)
Okja (2017)
2017 | Adventure, Fantasy, Sci-Fi
Seo-Hyun Ahn (1 more)
Seamless, beautiful effects
Should have stuck at being a family movie (1 more)
Jake Gyllenhaal
Plays as though it should be a family movie, but it definitely isn't
Okja created a fair bit of buzz at Cannes recently, when it was revealed that it had been picked up by Netflix, resulting in boos from some of the snobby traditionalists that were present for its screening. Okja was written and directed by Bong Joon Ho, a Korean filmmaker who also wrote and directed one of my favourite movies of recent years, Snowpiercer. That movie failed to receive a UK release, despite starring Chris Evans in-between his Captain America/Avengers duties, so I’m more than happy if a movie that’s just a little bit different from the norm manages to find an audience through modern, ‘non-traditional’ routes.

And Okja certainly is a bit different. We’re first introduced to CEO of Mirando Corporation, Lucy Mirando (Tilda Swinton) who has ‘bred’ superpigs, in an effort to help with world hunger. 26 of these superpigs are being sent to farmers at various locations around the world and in 10 years time a competition is planned to determine who has raised the largest superpig. Lucy is clearly a bit strange (the perfect role for Tilda Swinton), and her company spokesperson, TV zoologist Johnny Wilcox (Jake Gyllenhaal) is even stranger. They’re determined to put a friendly, happy gloss over the fact that these animals have been genetically modified for slaughter and profit. So, time for us to get to know, and fall in love with one of them…

It’s now 10 years later and we’re with Mija, a young girl living in the mountains of Korea with her grandfather and Okja, the large hippo-like superpig who has become her close friend. They spend their time together out in the forest, with Okja helping to catch fish for dinner, and proving to be a faithful companion for Mija. And when disaster strikes, Okja even demonstrates the intelligence required to work out how to save Mija’s life. Okja is beautifully rendered in CGI, interacting perfectly with the surroundings and actors and is thoroughly convincing. It’s an enchanting and beautiful half hour or so – but we know it’s not going to last.

A small team from the Miranda Corporation arrives, along with Johnny Wilcox, who is just hugely annoying. They’re here to check up on how Okja is doing and, unbeknown to Mija, take her back to New York as the winner of the superpig contest. While Mija is in the forest with her grandfather she discovers what they’re planning and heads off to rescue Okja. What follows is an entertaining and thrilling chase to get Okja before she heads onto a plane. Mija is fearless and determined, a strong young heroine and probably the best thing about this movie. Along the way she is joined by the Animal Liberation Front, a young team that includes Steven Yeun, Paul Dano and Lily Collins. They know where Okja is headed and what her fate will be and they plan to stop it, with the help of Mija.

Much of Okja plays as though it should be a family movie and I wish that’s how they’d made it. With a large, friendly creature companion that needs to be rescued from the bad guys, much of this reminded me of the 2016 live action remake of Pete’s Dragon, which I enjoyed a lot. However, the final hour or so turns distinctly dark as we venture into the slaughterhouse and that, along with regular use of bad language, has given this movie a 15 certificate. It’s a strange variation of styles that just didn’t sit right with me overall. As mentioned before, Gyllenhaals character is seriously annoying and would have been much better suited as the wacky comic relief if this were a family movie. Tilda Swinton soon becomes boring too and it’s left to Mija and Okja to save the movie from becoming a total disaster.

Entertaining and enjoyable at times, but the wild variation of styles and characters just made the latter half of the movie drag.
  
Live Die Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
Live Die Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
2014 | Drama, Sci-Fi
When the world falls under attack from a bizarre alien threat the world’s militaries unite to wage a desperate battle to save humanity. In the new film “Edge of Tomorrow”, Tom Cruise stars as Major Cage, a smug p.r. specialist who holds numerous interviews and press conferences convincing people to enlist and join the war effort and promising victory while keeping himself in safe locales far from the action.

When Cage learns that he is to be embedded with fighting units in a major offensive following the first victory by the humans, he balks and attempts to blackmail his new superior General Bringham (Paul Gleeson), into letting him stay away from combat zones.

Gleeson calls his bluff and Cage soon awakens at a forward base where his orders list him as a deserter who impersonates an officer and as such, is not to have any communication and is to be inserted into combat the following morning.

With no combat training at all since he was pulled from a P.R. firm and only had R.O.T.C. in college, Cage is highly unsuited to combat. He is not even capable of getting the weapons on his power suit to go off safety mode.

The battle goes badly and Cage and his fellow troops are decimated but shortly before his death, Cage gets himself up close and personal with the enemy and goes down in a blaze of glory.

Cage then unexpectedly awakens and it is the previous morning but he has all the knowledge of what happened previously. His efforts to warn his superiors fail and once again the invasion becomes a disaster. Cage is caught in a loop repeating the doomed mission but each time out he makes subtle changes and learns from his mistakes.

One such change has him encounter war hero Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt) who oddly enough recognizes what is happening to Cage and instructs him to find her when he awakens.

Despite some effort, Cage manages to locate and convince Rita and the two of them work to build Cages combat skills all the while attempting to understand the nature of the enemy and what is happening to them.

With the advantage of being able to repeat the same day over and over the unlikely pair becomes the best hope for humanity and set about to save the day.

The film has a very solid and enjoyable premise and I liked the way they handled Cruise’s character. When I first heard of the film I thought he was a bit old to play a combat rookie unless they were hard pressed and forced him into duty but even then he would have some kind of training.

The film has some great supporting performances and great FX that really popped in IMAX 3D. I really enjoyed the action and the story and while if you really stop and analyze it you may find issues with the time loops and possible paradoxes presented, the main thing is that it is an action film that actually gives fans a story, solid characters, and an interesting premise.

Cruise and Blunt work well with one another and I must say that the film is right there with “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” as the best film of the summer offerings to date in my opinion. Check this one out as you will not want to miss it.

http://sknr.net/2014/06/06/edge-tomorrow/
  
Titanic (1997)
Titanic (1997)
1997 | Drama, Romance
Shame about the romance
Film #13 on the 100 Movies Bucket List: Titanic

Titanic is a rather divisive film. There are many that absolutely love it, the creators of this list among them I don’t doubt. And then there are those that can’t stand it, despite it’s 11 Oscar wins. When it was first released, Titanic’s popularity was immense and it was all the rage at my high school. At that time I loved it like everyone else, but over the years I’ve grown to notice its flaws as well.

Titanic is another epic from the mind of James Cameron and unsurprisingly tells the real life story behind the sinking of the Titanic in 1912. As the true story wasn’t enough, the sinking is shown from the point of view of a love story between Rose Dewitt Bukater (Kate Winslet) and Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio). In 1996, treasure hunter Brock Lovett (Bill Paxton) and his team are searching the wreckage of the Titanic for a rare diamond and instead come across a preserved drawing of Rose, who meets with Brock and tells the story of her experiences onboard. These experiences involve a class divide, a fiancé with anger management issues (Billy Zane) and some nice (Kathy Bates) and not very nice (Frances Fisher) female aristocrats.

While I can understand why Cameron has intertwined a romance into this real life tragedy, for me it’s this story that lessens the impact of such a horrific tale and makes this into not quite the masterpiece he wanted it to be. There are the obvious plot holes and irrational actions – the hugely memorable water door scene that could blatantly fit more than one person, and the motives for keeping a invaluable diamond hidden for 80+ years only to throw it away in the ocean – are just two of the laughably bad scenes in this. Paired with a sometimes dodgy script (there’s a scene where Rose says “Jack” over half a dozen times in less than a minute) and some cheesy exposition and narration from the older Rose, do not make for an endearing story.

However if you can ignore the romance and poor fictional story, the rest of Titanic is an impressive bit of filmmaking. From the opening shots featuring real life footage of the actual wreckage of the Titanic to the effects used to bring the ship to life, they are truly stunning. You can really appreciate the love and care that has gone in to making this film, and the cinematography is faultless. Water is not an easy element to film yet James Cameron has mastered it with ease and including shots of the real wreckage only adds to the emotions that this evokes, especially as there are a lot of facts interlaced within the romance – the band continuing to play despite impending death is particularly moving. The cast too are strong despite the sometimes questionable material they have to work with. This is undoubtedly the film that made both Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet megastars in their own rights, although for me I much preferred the more low key performances from the likes of Kathy Bates, Bernard Hill (as Captain Smith) and Victor Garber (as ship builder Thomas Andrews).

Titanic is not perfect. It is a drawn out and overly long romance set aboard a disaster movie and it can’t justify being longer than 3 hours. However despite it’s flaws, it is still a masterpiece in filmmaking and truly an epic film.
  
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Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Underwater (2020) in Movies

Feb 16, 2020 (Updated Feb 16, 2020)  
Underwater (2020)
Underwater (2020)
2020 | Horror, Sci-Fi
Erm.... (0 more)
Frenetic action in murky water - baffling (2 more)
Scientific inconsistencies
Waterlogged Alien wannabe
Soggy and forgettable
I had a sinking feeling (excuse the pun) about this movie from the word go. It's a lazy approach to 'mansplain' the whole set up for the movie through digital news posts during the main titles. It feels more patronising to the audience than having main titles and then a 'Star Wars-style' synopsis.

Once into the movie, director William Eubank gives us the bare minimum of character set-up for our heroine while she brushes her teeth*. (And no way did she even follow the British Dental Association recommendation of two minutes brushing!) (* Interestingly, the trailer seems to show some above water scenes/dialogue and introductions to the rest of the crew that never made the final cut.)

And then....

BAM!!!

I was thinking that the manic action that follows was some sort of dream or flashback. But no. We are pitched headlong into the story without pause as disaster strikes. It all feels positively indecent.

For we are seven miles down in the Mariana trench, when a drilling station springs a leak.

Now call me a cynic, but I would have *thought* that, at that depth, a single leak would implode the whole station in about 10 seconds flat. But then that wouldn't be cinematic enough, and would be a much shorter movie!

And there are numerous other scientific implausibilities. For example, diving helmets that appear to be able to withstand 15,750 psi of pressure (I Googled it) can be smashed-in by a woman by just bashing it.

Sigh.

We are in 'Alien-lite' territory again. Just as in last year's "The Meg", those pesky humans have disturbed something in its home territory.... and it's suitably pissed-off. The action centres on hippy-chick engineer Norah (Kristen Stewart). The script neatly describes her as a "flat-chested elfin creature"... a fact which every male in the audience has thought (come on guys, admit it , you did!) from the immediately preceding scene.

It was never entirely clear to me what skills Norah was supposed to have.... it seemed to flex from diving to electrical engineering to computer engineering.

Stewart is a handy actress to have in a movie, but here she is mostly relegated to lots of shots of her athletic body running through corridors in her skimpy crop-top and knickers.

Supporting Stewart are veteran French actor Vincent Cassel as the mission captain; "the funny one" Paul (T.J. Miller); the trusty male action figure Smith (John Gallagher Jr.); and Emily - the 'less-flat chested but screamy one' (Jessica Henwick). Emily also gets to run around in a T-shirt and knickers: you kind of quickly get to know the audience the film is trying to appeal to.

As will be obvious if you've seen any of these types of film before, not all of these folks are going to make it.

As this movie is presumably filmed in a small water tank in a Louisiana studio. Clearly the memo said "fill it with murky water so the audience can't see the sides". "And just for good measure, let's film it with hand-help rapidly moving cameras". The result is that a lot of the time, when there was a burst of frenetic underwater action, I had NO IDEA what was actually going on.

In this way, the movie reminded me of the shark B-movie "47 Metres Down" from a few years ago.

This is certainly not "Alien". Although similarly set, this is not "The Abyss" either. It's most similar perhaps to "Life", but without the clever twist ending.

It's also not a truly TERRIBLE movie either. But unfortunately this is one of the most "meh" action movies I've seen in the past year. It's just brain-crushingly forgettable.

There was only one vaguely memorable shot in the whole movie: a final shot of Kristen Stewart. But that just serves to make me think.... 'Stewart deserves much better than this'.

For a movie concerning itself with a lack of oxygen, watching this felt like a waste of it.

(For the full graphical review, please check out One Mann's Movies here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/02/15/one-manns-movies-film-review-underwater-2020/ ).
  
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
2018 | Action, Sci-Fi
Large and Small on screen, but just ends up middling.
So, for the first time we divided last night at the cinema. I went off to watch “Ant-Man and the Wasp” and my wife – not a Marvel fan – went to see “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again” (for the THIRD time!). Incidentally, Mamma Mia 2 seems to be the movie phenomenon of the summer, taking over from “The Greatest Showman” as the movie phenomenon of the winter. It’s been out three weeks now and the shows are still selling out, with people (mostly groups of women) being turned away at the ticket desk. I can see this one running in theatres until October, when they bring out a sing-a-long edition and it carries on running ‘til Christmas. Extraordinary.

But, let’s turn from big things to small things. In a prologue we see a young Dr Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) and wife Janet (Michelle Pfeiffer) torn apart as Janet miniturises herself into the “quantum realm” to save the world from nuclear disaster. But in the present day Hank thinks there might be a way to find and retrieve Janet with the help of their superhero daughter Hope (“The Wasp”, played by Evangeline Lilly). (“What the f*** have you been thinking about instead for the last 30 years while I’ve been sat here avoiding neutrons”, would be the imagined response from Janet, but we don’t go there!).

But Scott Lang (aka “Ant Man”, Paul Rudd), having also been to the quantum realm, holds a key part of the puzzle. To add to their problems, a strange ghost-like girl called Ava has her own reasons for retrieving the lost soul, but in ways that will tear Janet limb from limb. Can Hank, Hope and Scott succeed, while dodging both The Ghost, the FBI and other criminal forces intent on seizing Pym’s technology?

I must admit that I’d somewhat forgotten how “Ant Man” ended three years ago, which together with the one film missing from my Marvel-watching canon being “Captain America: Civil War” left me somewhat confused by why we start the film with our hero Lang under two-year’s house arrest. But much fun is had with Lang’s curfew and the frustration of FBI agent Jimmy Woo (Randall Park) in trying to catch him breaking the rules.

For we are again at the comedic end of the Marvel universe. However the comedy is extremely uneven this time and doesn’t sit particularly well with the dramatic and emotional elements of the film. It’s certainly nowhere near the consistently funny content of the surprisingly good “Thor: Ragnarok”. Some of Rudd’s lines just smell of “trying too hard”.

Adding comedic value is Michael Peña returning here as Scott’s partner Luis. His motor-mouth routine after taking a truth drug (“not a truth drug”!) was hilarious, with the rest of the cast miming his words in flashback.

It has to be said though that there are some truly great sight-gags, to rival the Thomas the Tank Engine scenes in the first film. The expanding salt-cellar; the expanding / contracting car and building moments; and the “skateboard” scenes. But all – and I mean ALL – of these scenes were universally spoiled by the trailer, such that the reaction to them was “oh, that’s that bit then”. NEVER has there been a better case for a teaser trailer that basically said “Ant Man’s back; here’s ONE wow-factor visual”. It’s just criminal. Interestingly, re the trailer, there was also at least one scene (the “you go high, I’ll go low” one, which I thought was very funny) that didn’t make the cut I saw.

Acting wise you can’t fault the cast with Lilly just great as “The Wasp”. If I was her, I would have said “OK… I’ll do the film, but I get to keep the suit!”. That would be her age monitoring device for years to come…. “Does the zip still do up at the back? Do my impossibly pert breasts still align with these impossibly well-moulded contours?”. It’s also great to see Michael Douglas and Laurence Fishburne going head-to-head in the acting stakes. Walton Goggins again crops up as a believable bad-guy, a performance I really enjoyed, but the star turn for me in the whole film was a career-making performance by Hannah John-Kamen as Ava/The Ghost: she’s previously only had small supporting roles in “Tomb Raider” and “Ready Player One”. Looking like a Star Wars sand-person in her outfit she removes her mask to reveal a stunningly piercing gaze and great screen presence. One to watch for the future.

Directed by original “Ant Man” director Peyton Reed, it’s a perfectly entertaining watch for a summer night, but it is uneven in tone, perhaps the result of the team of five credited with the writing. Ask me in two months’ time to tell you anything about it and I will probably struggle. It’s a “meh” sort of film for me.
  
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
2017 | Sci-Fi
A stunning visual triumph.
I was a sufficient nerd to buy a “Back to the Future” T-shirt to celebrate “future day” from “Back to the Future 2” two-years ago, and I will probably be a sufficient nerd to buy a “Blade Runner” T-shirt in two-years time to celebrate the setting-date for the original film. One thing’s for sure… 2049 is never going to be long enough away to see the world of the new Blade Runner movie come to fruition: so I look forward to ironically buying that T-shirt too (assuming I make it to 88!). But I digress.
I lived in fear of this film since it was announced… having loved the original, a sequel was always going to be a risky prospect. But my fears were slightly quelled when I learned that Denis Villeneuve (“Arrival“) was at the helm. And having now seen it I am pleasantly relieved: this is a memorable film.

In 2049 the first-generation Nexus replicants of the original film are still causing problems, and Ryan Gosling is ‘K’ – a blade runner employed by LAPD lieutenant Joshi (Robin Wright, “Wonder Woman“, “House of Cards”) to track them down and liquidate them. On one of these missions, K uncovers a buried secret that brings the LAPD into a desperate race for a pivotal prize, against replicant-builder Niander Wallace (Jared Leto, “Dallas Buyer’s Club“) and his henchwoman Luv (Sylvia Hoeks). The mission leads to K searching out his illustrious predecessor Deckard (Harrison Ford), who is not keen to be found.

Firstly (and most impressively) this is a spectacle to watch…. “I’ve seen things…”! The visuals are just gorgeous, from the junk-yards of Greater Los Angeles to the radioactive ruins of Las Vegas, vividly glowing amber to glorious effect. Hardly a surprise with Roger Deakins (“Hail Caesar“, “Sicario“) behind the camera, but Adam Heinis (“Rogue One“) and the rest of his special effects team deserve kudos for the effects never feeling overly “CGI-like”.
The music (by Benjamin Wallfisch and Hans Zimmer, via a replaced Johann Johannsson) pays suitable tribute to the spirit of the original Vangelis soundtrack. (It’s curious though that “Tears in the Rain” from the soundtrack is a reworking of the Vangelis original, but Vangelis doesn’t seem to be credited anywhere! Vangelis and Ridley Scott clearly had a SERIOUS falling out!).

On the acting front, Ryan Gosling is his dynamic self as usual! (But here, somewhat justified). Harrison Ford is given very little screen time, but what he does do he does exceptionally well – his best performance in years. It’s some of the supporting parts though that really appeal: Dave Bautista (“Spectre“) is just superb in the opening scenes of the film, and I particularly enjoyed Ana de Armas’s portrayal of K’s holographic girlfriend Joi. I’ve seen comment in other reviews that described this relationship as “laughable” and a downward step for “woman’s rights” compared to Villeneuve’s previous strong female characters (of Louise from “Arrival” and Kate from “Sicario“). But I disagree! I found the relationship truly touching, with Joi’s procurement of a prostitute (Mackenzie Davis) to act as a surrogate body being both loving and giving. And as regards ‘woman’s rights’, come on! Get serious! This is a holographic commercial male companion…. the “Alexa” of the future…. I’m quite sure the male version looks like Ryan Reynolds! Sex still sells, even in 2049!!

My favourite character though was a cameo by Barkhad Abdi (“Captain Phillips“) luxoriating under the name of Doctor Badger!
I was less comfortable with Jared Leto’s dialogue which – for me at least – was barely audible. In general this film is both a challenge for those aurally challenged (with some fuzzy dialogue/effects/music mixes) and those visually challenged (with 8 point font for the on-screen text that was almost impossible to see on the cinema screen, so good luck with the DVD!).

I really wanted to give this film 5-Fads. But I can’t quite get there. The story – while interesting and having emotional depth – is lightweight for a film of this length (a butt-numbing 163 minutes!) and it moves at such a glacial pace that I’m ashamed to say that my mind wandered at times. (Specifically to how many different ways I could imagine harm being done to the American guy in front of me, who was constantly turning on his Apple watch and at one point (to whisperings of very British outrage!) his full-brightness iPhone!) The screenplay was by Hampton Fancher (one of the original Blade Runner writers) and Michael Green (“Logan“, “Alien: Covenant“) but even with this track record, it’s the film’s Achilles heel.
It’s a relief that Blade Runner revisited is not a complete disaster: quite the opposite in fact. It doesn’t quite match C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate (what could)… but its a damned good attempt.