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Lyndsey Gollogly (2893 KP) rated Gypsy Freak (All the Pretty Monsters #2) in Books
Nov 4, 2021
183 of 250
Kindle
Gypsy Freak ( All the Pretty Monsters book 2)
By Kristy Cunning
Once read a review will be written via Smashbomb and link posted in comments
What's it like to be a monster in a town full of monsters, who don't know you're a monster?
Complicated and a little scary, but doable.
What's it like to be the girl who can't die...that everyone seems to always want to kill?
Frustrating as hell.
What's it like to accidentally raise psychotic alpha vampire everyone fears, who drops a lot of bodies on his first day out as a 'gift' for your troubles?
Terrifying, if I'm being honest.
What's it like when that crazed vampire tells you he wants you to be the happy little intermission, during an ongoing ancient story, and expects you to use your vagina to draw in a werewolf alpha, a Van Helsing alpha, and a sexual deviant alpha, so he can have his old friends back?
That's when a girl has to stop, look around, and question her life choices.
I really don't know how this stuff keeps happening to me. Life was simpler when it was just me accidentally blowing myself up while trying to create potions and shampoo.
I've lived my life in such secrecy that I've spent most of it lonely. So lonely, in fact, that my best friend is a delusional ghost. I'd rather focus on her than all the crazy things happening in my life at current. Ever since coming to this town, I've had my throat slit by vampires, attracted way too much attention from some powerful alphas, and did a lot of regrettably stupid things because...I'm too gullible for shady monsters.
To them, I'm the fool.
To them, I'm the naive girl in over my head.
To them, I'm the pawn on a worn chessboard, while the seasoned players knock me around.
Meanwhile, I'm still left to figure it all out on my own, because, just like me, no one wants to share their secrets.
I’m really liking this series. It’s a shame to lose Anna d at o soon I absolutely loved her character. The story is good and it’s written so well! We see Violet learning more about herself and the alphas surrounding her.
Kindle
Gypsy Freak ( All the Pretty Monsters book 2)
By Kristy Cunning
Once read a review will be written via Smashbomb and link posted in comments
What's it like to be a monster in a town full of monsters, who don't know you're a monster?
Complicated and a little scary, but doable.
What's it like to be the girl who can't die...that everyone seems to always want to kill?
Frustrating as hell.
What's it like to accidentally raise psychotic alpha vampire everyone fears, who drops a lot of bodies on his first day out as a 'gift' for your troubles?
Terrifying, if I'm being honest.
What's it like when that crazed vampire tells you he wants you to be the happy little intermission, during an ongoing ancient story, and expects you to use your vagina to draw in a werewolf alpha, a Van Helsing alpha, and a sexual deviant alpha, so he can have his old friends back?
That's when a girl has to stop, look around, and question her life choices.
I really don't know how this stuff keeps happening to me. Life was simpler when it was just me accidentally blowing myself up while trying to create potions and shampoo.
I've lived my life in such secrecy that I've spent most of it lonely. So lonely, in fact, that my best friend is a delusional ghost. I'd rather focus on her than all the crazy things happening in my life at current. Ever since coming to this town, I've had my throat slit by vampires, attracted way too much attention from some powerful alphas, and did a lot of regrettably stupid things because...I'm too gullible for shady monsters.
To them, I'm the fool.
To them, I'm the naive girl in over my head.
To them, I'm the pawn on a worn chessboard, while the seasoned players knock me around.
Meanwhile, I'm still left to figure it all out on my own, because, just like me, no one wants to share their secrets.
I’m really liking this series. It’s a shame to lose Anna d at o soon I absolutely loved her character. The story is good and it’s written so well! We see Violet learning more about herself and the alphas surrounding her.
Kim Pook (101 KP) rated Pet Sematary (2019) in Movies
Jun 2, 2022
As the movie starts we see an open car door and muddy prints and a blood trail leading to the front door of a house, cut to white and a family are driving to their new home. This family consists of mum, dad, baby gage, daughter Ellie and a cat called church all names from the original movie we know and love.
One day whilst dad is in work, mum and Ellie witness a strange prossesion involving a group of masked people wheeling what looks like a dead dog in a wheelbarrow towards the woods, Ellie decides to investigate and walks into a pet cemetery. As she proceeds to climb the stick wall to see what's on the other side, she is stopped by a passerby who informs Ellie and her mum that the woods aren't safe.
Whilst dad is working a guy comes in losing a lot of blood with half of his face missing and he dies, coming back momentarily in a vision to tell him the barrier isn't meant to be broken, but what does this mean?? Of course if you're familiar with the original you'll know the meaning of this.
Just like the original, we see the dad have his dream which turns out not to be a dream, we see the trauma Rachel still lives with about her sister and of course church dying and being buried in the pet cemetery.
The day after church is buried, the cat turns up alive and well, but smelly and bad tempered, what is going on? You will have to watch and find out.
I was put off watching this for so long, due to the mention of cults and wendigos in the trailer, so I expected it to be awful and completely different from the original, but apart from a few changes such as a different breed of cat and a role reversal of who dies, the movie more or less stayed true to the original and moves at a steady pace. The ending, however, is very different and unexpected. It definitely leaves a lasting impression that's for sure. I very much enjoyed this movie, everybody's acting Is spot on and believable, and would probably go as far as preferring it to the original.
One day whilst dad is in work, mum and Ellie witness a strange prossesion involving a group of masked people wheeling what looks like a dead dog in a wheelbarrow towards the woods, Ellie decides to investigate and walks into a pet cemetery. As she proceeds to climb the stick wall to see what's on the other side, she is stopped by a passerby who informs Ellie and her mum that the woods aren't safe.
Whilst dad is working a guy comes in losing a lot of blood with half of his face missing and he dies, coming back momentarily in a vision to tell him the barrier isn't meant to be broken, but what does this mean?? Of course if you're familiar with the original you'll know the meaning of this.
Just like the original, we see the dad have his dream which turns out not to be a dream, we see the trauma Rachel still lives with about her sister and of course church dying and being buried in the pet cemetery.
The day after church is buried, the cat turns up alive and well, but smelly and bad tempered, what is going on? You will have to watch and find out.
I was put off watching this for so long, due to the mention of cults and wendigos in the trailer, so I expected it to be awful and completely different from the original, but apart from a few changes such as a different breed of cat and a role reversal of who dies, the movie more or less stayed true to the original and moves at a steady pace. The ending, however, is very different and unexpected. It definitely leaves a lasting impression that's for sure. I very much enjoyed this movie, everybody's acting Is spot on and believable, and would probably go as far as preferring it to the original.
Lyndsey Gollogly (2893 KP) rated The White Magic Five and Dime ( Tarot Mysteries book 1) in Books
Aug 15, 2022
146 of 230
Kindle
The White Magic Five and Dime ( Tarot Mystery book 1)
By Steve Hockensmith and Lisa Falco
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
When Alanis McLachlan learns that her mother's been murdered, she's completely unsurprised. Not that Alanis had been given a glimpse into the future. That would be crazy, right? It's just that her con-woman mom, Barbra, was bound to cross the wrong people sooner or later. It's why Alanis was lucky to get out of her childhood alive - and why she hadn't spoken to her mother in decades.
But there is a surprise in store for Alanis. Barbra left her something in her will: a New Age shop in the tiny tourist trap town of Berdache, Arizona. The White Magic Five & Dime.
After going to Berdache to claim her inheritance, Alanis is drawn into the mystery around her mother's death. Did one of Barbra's customers finally get wise to her con-artist ways and take revenge? Alanis thinks she knows how to find out: She'll make those customers her own until she can find the killer. Alanis McLachlan, cynic and unbeliever, is about to become a tarot card reader.
With a little help from her mother's teenage apprentice and a snarky tarot how-to book called Infinite Roads to Knowing, Alanis begins bluffing her way through phony readings. But the more she gets to know the cards, the more she sees real meaning in them...and the closer the murderer comes to making her the next victim.
Omg I had issues with this book so many issues!
This is going to be a strange little review. I absolutely didn’t like the main character at all, she was written to be witty and sarcastic and it just did not work at all. She was irritating and so not funny it was just trying to hard!
So you may ask why a 4⭐️ and my answer is simply because I really enjoyed the book she was the only thing I disliked. I didn’t see the murderer coming till the last minute and it was a fun book to read it made me smile and I’m very much an emotional reviewer.
So yes the main character drove me crazy but the story was really good!
Kindle
The White Magic Five and Dime ( Tarot Mystery book 1)
By Steve Hockensmith and Lisa Falco
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
When Alanis McLachlan learns that her mother's been murdered, she's completely unsurprised. Not that Alanis had been given a glimpse into the future. That would be crazy, right? It's just that her con-woman mom, Barbra, was bound to cross the wrong people sooner or later. It's why Alanis was lucky to get out of her childhood alive - and why she hadn't spoken to her mother in decades.
But there is a surprise in store for Alanis. Barbra left her something in her will: a New Age shop in the tiny tourist trap town of Berdache, Arizona. The White Magic Five & Dime.
After going to Berdache to claim her inheritance, Alanis is drawn into the mystery around her mother's death. Did one of Barbra's customers finally get wise to her con-artist ways and take revenge? Alanis thinks she knows how to find out: She'll make those customers her own until she can find the killer. Alanis McLachlan, cynic and unbeliever, is about to become a tarot card reader.
With a little help from her mother's teenage apprentice and a snarky tarot how-to book called Infinite Roads to Knowing, Alanis begins bluffing her way through phony readings. But the more she gets to know the cards, the more she sees real meaning in them...and the closer the murderer comes to making her the next victim.
Omg I had issues with this book so many issues!
This is going to be a strange little review. I absolutely didn’t like the main character at all, she was written to be witty and sarcastic and it just did not work at all. She was irritating and so not funny it was just trying to hard!
So you may ask why a 4⭐️ and my answer is simply because I really enjoyed the book she was the only thing I disliked. I didn’t see the murderer coming till the last minute and it was a fun book to read it made me smile and I’m very much an emotional reviewer.
So yes the main character drove me crazy but the story was really good!
Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated Bascomville in Books
Jun 12, 2019
Genre: Contemporary, Teen
Page Count: 284
Average Goodreads Rating: 4.67 out of 5 stars
My rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Welcome to the life of Max Bascom, whose home is Bascomville. Bascomville has its own special kind of normal, where fathers can get job leads from their sons and Christmas dinners can end up to be Chinese take out. Max does his best to navigate Bascomville and to keep it running as smoothly as possible through good times and tragedy. And he also forms a special bond with the girl next door, Janice, who understands Bascomville despite coming from a world much different.
This book is so fabulously written. I usually don’t take review requests, but I’m glad I did for this book. It’s part romance, part literary masterpiece, and it captures “growing up” so well. I wish I had this book when I was in middle school or high school because I can relate to making your own kind of normal.
“Us? Normal?”
“How do you know we aren’t? How do we know everybody doesn’t make their own?”
She considered this for a moment then dismissed it. “If everybody made their own then nothing would be normal. Nothing could ever be normal.”
“Exactly.”
That’s my kind of definition of normal. And I think everyone needs to remember that normalcy doesn’t really exist a little bit more.
I didn’t see the plot twists coming ahead of time and I never got bored. On top of that, this book is incredibly quotable. There’s some good life advice in here, like when Max helped Janice cover up vandalism on her house:
And I knew then that ultimately we can save neither ourselves nor our loved ones from life. We can only live it.
Max is a complex character that I like and dislike. He is, ultimately, human, not a hero. He tends to overreact sometimes when Janice is involved, but for the most part he’s likeable. He’s loyal to his family, loves his little sister, and wishes for a world with a level playing field.
My favorite character is his little sister Lily, though. She actually has it worse than Max. She lives at home with her parents after Max goes to college and has to deal with her mother pretending she doesn’t exist and her father pretending to be her best friend to make up for it. Her home life is lousy at best and she practically raises herself for her last years of high school. But she’s strong enough to not break under pressure and she’s not one for self-pity.
“Fair is for dorks. I don’t need fair to make things work.”– Lily Bascom
So why only a 4.5 instead of a 5?
It’s because of the long descriptions, like this one that characterizes Mr. Birnbaum, Janice’s father, through his workshop.
I stepped inside and caught my breath. It was, to me, a foreign wonderland, this workshop. I am not a particularly handy person, and the panorama of neatly arranged rows of tools hanging on pegboards, the fittings categorized in plastic bins, the copper piping slung above the rafters, the worktables and vises and clamps and braided electrical cords all echoed the prowess of this man. I felt humbled, and strangely calm. I still wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing but I was no longer nervous about it. I could leave disappointed, even chastised, and be all right with it. Such was the power of Sheldon Birnbaum and this place.
While these descriptions certainly add character and depth to the story, they can sometimes be a little excessive and make my attention lag. This book is certainly not a fluff book and isn’t meant to be one, but the long descriptions make it slightly more harder to get through than it has to be.
This is a good book for anyone to read and I can’t recommend it enough, especially to teens. It helps us remember that we all need to make our own normal.
Page Count: 284
Average Goodreads Rating: 4.67 out of 5 stars
My rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
Welcome to the life of Max Bascom, whose home is Bascomville. Bascomville has its own special kind of normal, where fathers can get job leads from their sons and Christmas dinners can end up to be Chinese take out. Max does his best to navigate Bascomville and to keep it running as smoothly as possible through good times and tragedy. And he also forms a special bond with the girl next door, Janice, who understands Bascomville despite coming from a world much different.
This book is so fabulously written. I usually don’t take review requests, but I’m glad I did for this book. It’s part romance, part literary masterpiece, and it captures “growing up” so well. I wish I had this book when I was in middle school or high school because I can relate to making your own kind of normal.
“Us? Normal?”
“How do you know we aren’t? How do we know everybody doesn’t make their own?”
She considered this for a moment then dismissed it. “If everybody made their own then nothing would be normal. Nothing could ever be normal.”
“Exactly.”
That’s my kind of definition of normal. And I think everyone needs to remember that normalcy doesn’t really exist a little bit more.
I didn’t see the plot twists coming ahead of time and I never got bored. On top of that, this book is incredibly quotable. There’s some good life advice in here, like when Max helped Janice cover up vandalism on her house:
And I knew then that ultimately we can save neither ourselves nor our loved ones from life. We can only live it.
Max is a complex character that I like and dislike. He is, ultimately, human, not a hero. He tends to overreact sometimes when Janice is involved, but for the most part he’s likeable. He’s loyal to his family, loves his little sister, and wishes for a world with a level playing field.
My favorite character is his little sister Lily, though. She actually has it worse than Max. She lives at home with her parents after Max goes to college and has to deal with her mother pretending she doesn’t exist and her father pretending to be her best friend to make up for it. Her home life is lousy at best and she practically raises herself for her last years of high school. But she’s strong enough to not break under pressure and she’s not one for self-pity.
“Fair is for dorks. I don’t need fair to make things work.”– Lily Bascom
So why only a 4.5 instead of a 5?
It’s because of the long descriptions, like this one that characterizes Mr. Birnbaum, Janice’s father, through his workshop.
I stepped inside and caught my breath. It was, to me, a foreign wonderland, this workshop. I am not a particularly handy person, and the panorama of neatly arranged rows of tools hanging on pegboards, the fittings categorized in plastic bins, the copper piping slung above the rafters, the worktables and vises and clamps and braided electrical cords all echoed the prowess of this man. I felt humbled, and strangely calm. I still wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing but I was no longer nervous about it. I could leave disappointed, even chastised, and be all right with it. Such was the power of Sheldon Birnbaum and this place.
While these descriptions certainly add character and depth to the story, they can sometimes be a little excessive and make my attention lag. This book is certainly not a fluff book and isn’t meant to be one, but the long descriptions make it slightly more harder to get through than it has to be.
This is a good book for anyone to read and I can’t recommend it enough, especially to teens. It helps us remember that we all need to make our own normal.
Johnny Marr recommended track Coconut Grove by The Lovin Spoonful in Very Best of the Lovin' Spoonful by The Lovin Spoonful in Music (curated)
Haley Mathiot (9 KP) rated Pilgrims Don't Wear Pink (Pilgrims, #1) in Books
Apr 27, 2018
I liked Pilgrims Don't Wear Pink. For the most part, it was a good read. There was only one thing that I didn't particularly like, but it was a pretty large part.
The good:
-The plot was fun. I enjoyed the storyline, the twists and turns, and the ending. Some of it I saw coming, some of it I didn't—but even when I expected it, I enjoyed seeing it work out.
-The characters: Dev (Libby's extremely gay friend) was fabulous in every sense of the word. If he were real, he'd be my buddy, even though he'd be constantly criticizing my shoes. Garrett, the reporter, is so nerd-tastic that I literally geeked out when he was introduced. Cam's romantic side was the hero every girl dreams about.
-The relationship progression: I knew from the get-go that Cam was going to be the greasy sleazy character that charms the girls but is really a jerk, and that Garrett was going to be the awesome-sauce hero. But when Libby first meets the characters, the reader perceives them just like she does: that Cam was a Shakespeare-quoting flower-throwing romantic, and Garrett was a nerd (again, I liked him more from the beginning anyway). The transition happened so slowly and flawlessly that I didn't see it happen, it just did.
-I've lead camps before. They're so much fun. Strohm nailed it! I loved the little girls! Ah for those scenes I totally wanted to be Libby.
-The writing was totally great. It felt like a teen's interior monologue, it was witty, fun, clear, and easy to read. It was perfect for the genre.
-The ending was pretty darn perfect. I liked what Libby learned, and how she changed. If the character hasn't changed from the beginning of the book to the end, nothing happened! The change was good. All in all the whole book was pretty cute.
The only not-so-good thing:
-I couldn't figure Libby out. Why doesn't she watch Battlestar Galactica or play Assassin's Creed? (That would totally be her thing. I bet after this story ends she turns into a total geek.) Libby was somewhat contradictory. She seemed to have a pretty clear view of right and wrong, and she was smart, but she didn't pick up on things that were blatantly obvious (trying to keep it spoiler-free here).
When there is only one not-so-good thing in the whole book, usually I'll rate it pretty high. But when the only not-so-good thing in the whole book is the main character? The whole way through reading this I kept thinking "Libby, what the heck are you thinking?" and she kind of annoyed me. I liked her, but again, her character seemed conflicting.
All in all, I enjoyed Pilgrims Don't Wear Pink, and would still recommend it for a fun quick light read.
Content/Recommendation: Little language, few references to sex. Ages 14+
The good:
-The plot was fun. I enjoyed the storyline, the twists and turns, and the ending. Some of it I saw coming, some of it I didn't—but even when I expected it, I enjoyed seeing it work out.
-The characters: Dev (Libby's extremely gay friend) was fabulous in every sense of the word. If he were real, he'd be my buddy, even though he'd be constantly criticizing my shoes. Garrett, the reporter, is so nerd-tastic that I literally geeked out when he was introduced. Cam's romantic side was the hero every girl dreams about.
-The relationship progression: I knew from the get-go that Cam was going to be the greasy sleazy character that charms the girls but is really a jerk, and that Garrett was going to be the awesome-sauce hero. But when Libby first meets the characters, the reader perceives them just like she does: that Cam was a Shakespeare-quoting flower-throwing romantic, and Garrett was a nerd (again, I liked him more from the beginning anyway). The transition happened so slowly and flawlessly that I didn't see it happen, it just did.
-I've lead camps before. They're so much fun. Strohm nailed it! I loved the little girls! Ah for those scenes I totally wanted to be Libby.
-The writing was totally great. It felt like a teen's interior monologue, it was witty, fun, clear, and easy to read. It was perfect for the genre.
-The ending was pretty darn perfect. I liked what Libby learned, and how she changed. If the character hasn't changed from the beginning of the book to the end, nothing happened! The change was good. All in all the whole book was pretty cute.
The only not-so-good thing:
-I couldn't figure Libby out. Why doesn't she watch Battlestar Galactica or play Assassin's Creed? (That would totally be her thing. I bet after this story ends she turns into a total geek.) Libby was somewhat contradictory. She seemed to have a pretty clear view of right and wrong, and she was smart, but she didn't pick up on things that were blatantly obvious (trying to keep it spoiler-free here).
When there is only one not-so-good thing in the whole book, usually I'll rate it pretty high. But when the only not-so-good thing in the whole book is the main character? The whole way through reading this I kept thinking "Libby, what the heck are you thinking?" and she kind of annoyed me. I liked her, but again, her character seemed conflicting.
All in all, I enjoyed Pilgrims Don't Wear Pink, and would still recommend it for a fun quick light read.
Content/Recommendation: Little language, few references to sex. Ages 14+
T.N. Nova (30 KP) rated What's In A Name? in Books
Jun 22, 2018
What’s in a name? by Pat Henshaw is a short novella about a Barista by the name of Jimmy Patterson who gets dumped at a bar on his birthday by his boyfriend Alex. The burly bartender who we first know as Alex 2 then later as “Guy”, comes in to save the day when Jimmy gets drunk off his backside and finds himself in the bathroom with his head over the toilet bowl. All Jimmy wants is to know the bartender’s first name. The story starts unfolding when “Guy” makes a deal with Jimmy. He has seven days to guess “Guy”’s first name; one guess each day.
While each day for the next week, Jimmy and Guy’s relationship becomes deeper to the point where they end up falling in love and do find their HEA, there is so much more to this story than just your typical boy meets boy, boy falls in love with boy, they live happily ever after type scenario. Jimmy and his co-owner of Penny’s coffee shop learn that not everything is going to be a bed of roses as thriving business owners when someone ends up trashing their mall branch shop. Jimmy and Guy have their own issues that they need to work out through the week that they’re together as well.
What I found interesting as well as refreshing about What’s in a Name? is that right from the very beginning the book had a fairytale feel to it. First there was the feel of a Rumpelstiltskin story in so far as having to guess Guy’s name and getting seven guess’s to figure out out. I’m not going to give away the ending of the book or the answer in this regards but the fairytale overlays continue throughout the book.
There were quite a few twists and turns to What’s in a Name along with unexpected surprises that pop up throughout the read such as Jimmy’s ex boyfriend Alex, who we meet at the beginning of the book, showing up later. There was some mystery to this story as well and the person we thought was the culprit wasn’t the one “Who done it” after all.
The one big downfall that I found while reading the story was that “Guy’s” first name became predictable by at least the middle of the story for me. Luckily that wasn’t the main plot otherwise there was a good chance I would have lost interest in the book. There were quite a few underlying and overlying aspects to What’s in a name that it kept me coming back to see what happened between the two men. What’s in a name is a quick read that I got through in a day and it took me that long only because it was during the weekend when I had other things going on. I would definitely recommend this to my friends.
While each day for the next week, Jimmy and Guy’s relationship becomes deeper to the point where they end up falling in love and do find their HEA, there is so much more to this story than just your typical boy meets boy, boy falls in love with boy, they live happily ever after type scenario. Jimmy and his co-owner of Penny’s coffee shop learn that not everything is going to be a bed of roses as thriving business owners when someone ends up trashing their mall branch shop. Jimmy and Guy have their own issues that they need to work out through the week that they’re together as well.
What I found interesting as well as refreshing about What’s in a Name? is that right from the very beginning the book had a fairytale feel to it. First there was the feel of a Rumpelstiltskin story in so far as having to guess Guy’s name and getting seven guess’s to figure out out. I’m not going to give away the ending of the book or the answer in this regards but the fairytale overlays continue throughout the book.
There were quite a few twists and turns to What’s in a Name along with unexpected surprises that pop up throughout the read such as Jimmy’s ex boyfriend Alex, who we meet at the beginning of the book, showing up later. There was some mystery to this story as well and the person we thought was the culprit wasn’t the one “Who done it” after all.
The one big downfall that I found while reading the story was that “Guy’s” first name became predictable by at least the middle of the story for me. Luckily that wasn’t the main plot otherwise there was a good chance I would have lost interest in the book. There were quite a few underlying and overlying aspects to What’s in a name that it kept me coming back to see what happened between the two men. What’s in a name is a quick read that I got through in a day and it took me that long only because it was during the weekend when I had other things going on. I would definitely recommend this to my friends.
Lee (2222 KP) rated Assassination Nation (2018) in Movies
Nov 13, 2018 (Updated Nov 13, 2018)
Characters aren't interesting, memorable or believable (3 more)
Badly edited
Poor use of music
Trying too hard to be edgy/shocking
Really, really bad
Assassination Nation really, really wants to shock you. At the beginning, it even gives out a warning, listing out all the offensive and shocking things coming up, along with a very quick clip of them all, that's how cool and edgy it thinks it is. It's all parties and social media, the girls are all bitches, the boys are all idiots. And it's all held together with bad editing, loud jarring music and a nonsensical plot. Maybe I'm just too old but I found it more annoying than shocking.
So, I think what they did with this movie is start at the end and then try and work backwards. They had this really cool idea of four schoolgirls, all standing there dressed in red, armed with guns and swords, ready to take on a town of crazy people wearing masks, and then they tried to come up with a way of getting to that point. The answer comes in the form of hacking, exposing everyone's data so that mob mentality ensues.
The hacking begins with some more prominent figures. The local mayor has all his private, kinky photos released and ends up publicly committing suicide. Then the local principal, a kind family man, has all of his messages and photos exposed. He has photos of his 6 year old daughter taking a bath, so he's branded a paedophile, obviously. The next logical step? Form a large crazed mob, demanding his resignation and terrorising his family by smashing his front door down. It's shocking right? Right? No. No, it's all just annoying nonsense.
Ok, so we've got the whole town acting like they're in a Purge movie, now how do we get the girls to start getting involved with guns and stuff. Well, let's have their data exposed too - nudes, details of the married man they've been texting. Then let's get somebody to falsely accuse one of girls of doing all the hacking so that the whole town hates them and is either trying to arrest them or kill them. And then the girls come across a stash of guns and knives laid out on the floor. There you go, job done, that's our movie.
To be fair, at that point the movie does improve in quality, but it's too little too late. There isn't a single interesting or memorable character in the whole thing, nothing to make you care or believe in anything you're seeing. And as I mentioned earlier, the whole thing is a complete mess. Pointless split screen scenes, dull voiceover narration, dramatic music that doesn't match the scene it's in. Character reactions, actions and interactions that are just complete nonsense. Officially one of the worst movies I've seen this year.
So, I think what they did with this movie is start at the end and then try and work backwards. They had this really cool idea of four schoolgirls, all standing there dressed in red, armed with guns and swords, ready to take on a town of crazy people wearing masks, and then they tried to come up with a way of getting to that point. The answer comes in the form of hacking, exposing everyone's data so that mob mentality ensues.
The hacking begins with some more prominent figures. The local mayor has all his private, kinky photos released and ends up publicly committing suicide. Then the local principal, a kind family man, has all of his messages and photos exposed. He has photos of his 6 year old daughter taking a bath, so he's branded a paedophile, obviously. The next logical step? Form a large crazed mob, demanding his resignation and terrorising his family by smashing his front door down. It's shocking right? Right? No. No, it's all just annoying nonsense.
Ok, so we've got the whole town acting like they're in a Purge movie, now how do we get the girls to start getting involved with guns and stuff. Well, let's have their data exposed too - nudes, details of the married man they've been texting. Then let's get somebody to falsely accuse one of girls of doing all the hacking so that the whole town hates them and is either trying to arrest them or kill them. And then the girls come across a stash of guns and knives laid out on the floor. There you go, job done, that's our movie.
To be fair, at that point the movie does improve in quality, but it's too little too late. There isn't a single interesting or memorable character in the whole thing, nothing to make you care or believe in anything you're seeing. And as I mentioned earlier, the whole thing is a complete mess. Pointless split screen scenes, dull voiceover narration, dramatic music that doesn't match the scene it's in. Character reactions, actions and interactions that are just complete nonsense. Officially one of the worst movies I've seen this year.
Gareth von Kallenbach (974 KP) rated Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) in Movies
Aug 14, 2019
Paul Blart (Kevin James) is a man with a dream. Paul dreams of being an officer with the New Jersey police, but thanks to his hypoglycemia, and weight, he has had a difficult time passing his requirements.
After his latest failure which concluded with him passing out inches from an obstacle course finish line, Paul has hit rock bottom. His daughter and mother encourage him to get on with his life, and look for a woman who will make him happy, (It is learned that his ex-wife only wanted him in her life so she could gain citizenship), and that new opportunities will arise.
The fact that the holidays are coming up is of little consolation, as Paul focuses on his career as a security guard at a local mall where he has worked from the past ten years, With the Black Friday shopping day upcoming, Paul attempts to get closer to the lovely Amy (Jayma Mays), who works at one of the mall’s boutiques.
The fact that Paul is shy and awkward does not help his cause, but in time, he is able to form a friendship with Amy that survives some real obstacles such as a very out of character wild night out which ends in disaster for Paul as his intolerance of alcohol leads to some truly outrageous behavior which embarrasses Amy.
As Paul attempts to recover from his fiasco at the workplace party, he returns to patrol at the mall astride his ever present Segway while a group of thieves secretly plot to take over the mall and rob the various stores.
When the bad guys make their move, Paul is indisposed and is easily overlooked, which in turn keeps him in the dark about what is really happening. When Paul eventually learns what is going on and that Amy is amongst the hostages, he must muster up the courage and abilities he never knew he had in order to save the day and rescue Amy.
What follows is a madcap though slight romp which while not big on over the top laughs has more than enough smiles to keep you amused along the way.
Kevin James is entertaining as the hapless Blart, but he is not given much to work with in his first starring role as the story is very formulaic and restrained which does not allow him to fully display his comedic skills as he did in The King of Queens.
The film was produced by Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison company and was co written by James and Nick Bakay. While it is not a bad film, I had hoped for more as the premise is rife with possibilities and the film comes across as playing it safe rather than taking chances. There is very little offensive in the film so it is appropriate for most families, which despite the flaws, makes the film a pleasant if not memorable diversion.
After his latest failure which concluded with him passing out inches from an obstacle course finish line, Paul has hit rock bottom. His daughter and mother encourage him to get on with his life, and look for a woman who will make him happy, (It is learned that his ex-wife only wanted him in her life so she could gain citizenship), and that new opportunities will arise.
The fact that the holidays are coming up is of little consolation, as Paul focuses on his career as a security guard at a local mall where he has worked from the past ten years, With the Black Friday shopping day upcoming, Paul attempts to get closer to the lovely Amy (Jayma Mays), who works at one of the mall’s boutiques.
The fact that Paul is shy and awkward does not help his cause, but in time, he is able to form a friendship with Amy that survives some real obstacles such as a very out of character wild night out which ends in disaster for Paul as his intolerance of alcohol leads to some truly outrageous behavior which embarrasses Amy.
As Paul attempts to recover from his fiasco at the workplace party, he returns to patrol at the mall astride his ever present Segway while a group of thieves secretly plot to take over the mall and rob the various stores.
When the bad guys make their move, Paul is indisposed and is easily overlooked, which in turn keeps him in the dark about what is really happening. When Paul eventually learns what is going on and that Amy is amongst the hostages, he must muster up the courage and abilities he never knew he had in order to save the day and rescue Amy.
What follows is a madcap though slight romp which while not big on over the top laughs has more than enough smiles to keep you amused along the way.
Kevin James is entertaining as the hapless Blart, but he is not given much to work with in his first starring role as the story is very formulaic and restrained which does not allow him to fully display his comedic skills as he did in The King of Queens.
The film was produced by Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison company and was co written by James and Nick Bakay. While it is not a bad film, I had hoped for more as the premise is rife with possibilities and the film comes across as playing it safe rather than taking chances. There is very little offensive in the film so it is appropriate for most families, which despite the flaws, makes the film a pleasant if not memorable diversion.