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Trogdor!!: The Board Game
Trogdor!!: The Board Game
2019 | Adventure, Miniatures, Puzzle
I cannot possible explain to you how many hours of my college career were spent LMBO at the homestarrunner.com website. Teen Girl Squad. Strong Bad E-mails. The incredible Halloween episodes. If you know what I’m talking about, I hope you enjoyed some sense of beautiful nostalgia just now. So when I saw that someone was making a board game based on a secondary (or a thirdedary) character from one of my favorite websites from my not-so-youth I knew it would be mine someday. That day has come and I am here to report my thoughts on Trogdor!! The Board Game.

Trogdor!! The Board Game, which I’m just gonna start calling Trogdor!!, is a cooperative area burninating puzzle adventure game for only the coolest of the cool. The twist on this game, if you are unfamiliar with Trogdor or Homsar, is that the players are all essentially cultists who assist Trogdor to burninate the countryside, all the cottages, and chomp the peasants or send them to the Void.

DISCLAIMER: Though this was Kickstarted, I did not splurge on the deluxe version, so I have the meepled version and it does just fine. Furthermore, I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rule book, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy from the publisher directly or from your FLGS. -T

To setup the game (and I found this part tedious) lay out the countryside tiles according to one of the suggested layouts in the back of the rule book or simply wherever you want in a 5×5 grid. This is your game board now. Also place out the thatched-roof cottages, peasants, knights, and archers. Trogdor starts the game in the middle tile, prepped for his burnination run. Each player also receives a Keeper of Trogdor persona card that provides special abilities, an item card that can be used during play, and an action card that determines how many action points a player may use as well as possibly special abilities to use for the turn. Troghammer starts the game on the Trog-meter, ready to come onto the board to wreak hammery havoc on our hero.

A turn consists of two phases. The first phase has the current player drawing an action card which intimates the number of action points (AP) the player can use for actions: Move Trogdor one space orthogonally, Chomp a peasant to increase health, Burninate a tile/cottage/peasant, Burrow into a tunnel and pop out the other side, or Hide in the mountains. Movement is easy: move Trogdor one space per AP you’d like to spend. Chomping requires Trogdor to be on the same tile as a peasant, but then you can chow down on them to increase our deity’s health bar. Burninating also requires Trogdor to be on the same tile as the tile/cottage/peasant you want to burninate. The Lake tile has special burninating rules, as do thatched-roof cottages. I will also allow you to learn about burninating peasants on your own, as it is pretty amazing. Burrowing requires Trogdor to be on a tunnel tile and spend an AP to teleport to the other tunnel (a la Small World). Trogdor may also simply Hide on a mountain tile to be protected from the attackers that act during the next phase. If players to not like either the action card they were dealt or the card they drew, they may simply discard a card to take their turn with 5 AP and no special abilities.

The next phase is where the board elements do their thang. The active player will draw and play a movement card. From instructions on this card the board may spawn more peasants, will move the peasants, will move the knights and also archers. Peasants do not fight Trogdor, but they can possibly repair burninated tiles. Knights WILL hurt Trogdor whenever they pass through or end their turn on the same tile as Trogdor. Knights will also automatically repair any burninated thatched-roof cottages they pass through. Troghammer is a special knight who only comes into play once Trogdor is hurt the first time. Archers will attack an entire column or row depending on which direction they were traveling when they ended their movement. If Trogdor still has peasants on the Trog-meter (representing health), then the next player takes their turn. If Trogdor has no more health and he is hit again, he enters a fiery RAGE! I will let you discover what happens during this event also.

The players win when all the tiles, cottages, and peasants have been burninated or eliminated from the board. They lose when Trogdor is defeated and they have not completed their victory conditions.

Components. It’s always so hard to really know exactly what you will be receiving when you Kickstart a game. Especially from a company not known for board games, and which has never produced a board game. So, I was anticipating something entirely different as I was opening my box. This is what I received: excellent tiles with UV spot on each side (super fancy!). I usually don’t care about UV spot anywhere on my game, but that seems to be en vogue now, so I’ll just try to enjoy it when I can. The other cardboard bits are great too. The cards are of great quality, but I went ahead and sleeved the action and movement cards since I knew they would be handled quite a bit. The Trogeeples (jeez) all are of great quality, and I really appreciate the additional Trogdor meeples included. I had a big chuckle about that. The artwork is comical (like in a comic) and I also appreciated all the Strong Bad enhancements as well. The only negative I have about the components of the game is the ridiculous thin box of air that was included as a buffer near the insert. I threw it out, put my sleeved action and movement cards in a plastic deck box in its place and now I’m much happier.

Overall, I had such a blast playing this game. Is it mostly due to nostalgia and reverie? Perhaps. But, Bryan was playing this with us and he didn’t know anything about Trogdor or Homestar Runner. He also really enjoyed the game, so I think the level of familiarity doesn’t matter. Obviously I did not explain EVERY rule to the game, but hopefully by my quick description my readers get a good idea of how the game plays. I can honestly say that I love love love this game and will treasure it always. If/when I see this at my FLGS I may just buy up all the copies to give as gifts. It’s really good. That’s why Purple Phoenix Games give this one an MSG’d 15 / 18. Oh, and you’re welcome for my holding back of all the quotes I COULD HAVE put in this review. I could have really earned my nerd card renewal.
  
Tail Story
Tail Story
2020 | Animals, Card Game, Print & Play
The saying goes, “If you can dream it, you can achieve it.” I know there were points in my life when I wanted to be a rock star, a zookeeper, or even a professional mascot. But who says that dreams only apply to people? Our beloved pets can dream too! Haven’t you ever seen a sleeping pup, legs twitching from an imaginary chase? Or caught your cat prowling around, as if on a secret mission? What do animals dream about? Well, Tail Story allows you to create dreams and achieve the impossible with your chosen pet!

Disclaimer: We were provided with a preview copy of Tail Story for the purposes of this review. Some of the components pictured are not final, and will be addressed in production. Also, I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook, but rather provide an overview of the rules and game flow. -L

Tail Story is a competitive card game in which players are racing to become the most memorable pet in history! How? By partaking in various events and gathering a total of 4 Achievements. Here’s how it works. To setup, each player takes a player mat, and randomly draws a Queue Card. Players then get to choose a Character card – a pet from either the Canine, Feline, or Rodent & Friends type. Shuffle the Event cards, deal 15 to each player, everyone draws 5 cards to their hand, and the game is ready to begin! The player who drew Queue Card 1 is the first player, and play continues in numerical order.

Each turn consists of 5 steps: Draw, Play, Bonus, Deck Check, and End of Turn. The first step is always to Draw 1 card from your deck. In the Play Step, you choose one action to perform. Each player has 2 Action Points (AP) per turn, and those are spent here in the Play Step. All Event cards require either 1 or 2 AP to play, and the other standard actions in the Play Step require either 0 or 1 AP to perform (Check out the Reference Cards pictured below to see the possible actions). After performing 1 action, you move to the Bonus Step, where a player may choose to activate a Bonus ability. The Deck Check step is next. All players count how many cards remain in their Draw piles. If all decks still have at least 1 card, you jump back to the Play Step and perform another action. If any deck is out of cards, that player reshuffles their discard pile, and places a card from their hand face-down on their player mat to signify that they have collected an Achievement. Even if another player collects an Achievement on your turn, play then returns to you, and you jump back to the Play Step again. The last step is the End of Turn – a player decides to be done and ends their turn, discarding their hand down to 5 cards. The game ends when a player has collected their 4th Achievement.


Here’s a neat twist though – whenever you play a card, any opponent can choose to play a Stop card to prevent you from performing that action! And then, if you have a Stop card too, you could play it to cancel out their Stop card. This twist adds a strategic and competitive element to the game that elevates it to the next level. There’s a fun little element of role-play too that encourages you to get into your animal character – I’ll leave that for you to discover on your own!
I know that seems like quite a lot, but once you get into the swing of things, Tail Story plays pretty quickly. One thing I particularly like about this game is that it requires a decent amount of strategy. Everyone is racing to get through their Draw decks and collect Achievements, while at the same time hindering the progress of their opponents. Are you willing to risk a valuable Stop card to cancel the action of an opponent and hope that they don’t play a Stop card back to you? Should you play a card that could activate your Bonus ability now or wait for your next action to pull a fast one over on your opponents? Your strategy has to be adjustable on the fly depending on what cards your opponents are playing. There is no single right strategy to win, and the riskiness makes the game more exciting and engaging.

Another thing I really like about Tail Story is that there are really only 4 different Event cards that can be played. Yes, the artwork may vary, but ultimately the actions are the same. They rely on key text and color coding to communicate their uses, and after a few rounds, recognizing those effects is easy. One thing I wish is that the reference cards had these effect explanation instead of only being listed in the rulebook. Just for a quick glance if you need a reminder instead of having to look back in the rules for the full text. The reference cards do have the Turn Steps and possible Actions on them, which are helpful – don’t get me wrong!


I would recommend Tail Story at the higher player counts for maximum enjoyment. With only 2 players, it feels like it drags on a bit because it is only a back-and-forth game. With 3-4 players, you have more opponents with which to interact, and playing cards against others doesn’t feel as targeted and keeps the game play more light-hearted than cut-throat.

Let’s talk about components. As I mentioned earlier, this is only a preview copy of the game, so some elements are still not finalized. The player mats are only paper right now, but I anticipate that they will be sturdier in final production. That being said, the information on the player mats is awesome. They provide enough information to understand where everything goes, while not being so wordy that they are confusing. I am excited to see what kind of color scheme they come up with for the player mats, to match the artwork of the cards. On to the cards – they are amazing. For starters, the cards are nice, sturdy, and thick. Definitely a game that will not easily succumb to bent corners or torn cards. The actual artwork of the cards is perfect. Each card is detailed, colorful, and appropriate for their respective card names. Probably the coolest part of the cards is that they all have a holographic finish on them. This really makes the artwork pop and makes you admire every card instead of just reading the text. That being said, the holographic finish makes the cards stick together a little more – not a huge detriment, but something to be aware of and careful with when drawing or playing cards! The game box is a cute little box with a magnet closure that is perfect for easy transportation.
Overall, I would say that I love Tail Story. It’s fun, fast-paced, strategic, and exciting. Being able to choose from 3 Character types (Canine, Feline, Rodent & Friends) gives you the opportunity to play a different game, with a different strategy, every time. With more plays, the special text of cards is engrained in your head, which means that it can play even faster and with no interruptions to check rules. It’s definitely a memorable game, and one that I can see myself pulling out often on game nights. I am excited to see this campaign launch, and for the sake of all animal dreams out there, you should check it out!
  
Peak Oil Profiteer
Peak Oil Profiteer
2021 | Economic, Environmental, Humor, Political, Transportation
One of the most important energy resources in the world is oil. We have a finite amount, it is used in our everyday lives, and it is always in demand. So imagine if a country found a new supply of oil – everyone would be fighting for a piece! Enter Peak Oil Profiteer, a game that puts you in charge of an oil corporation vying for money and oil in this new-found oil vein. Sound like something you might be interested in? Keep reading and see what it’s all about!

Disclaimer: For this preview, we played the Tabletopia version of the game. The pictures you will see below are screenshots from my plays online. Also, I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook, but rather provide a general overview of the rules and gameplay. For a more in-depth look, check it out when it hits Kickstarter! -L

Peak Oil Profiteer is an economic game of area majority/movement, network building, and simultaneous action selection in which players take on the roles of oil corporations competing to make the most money in an oil-rich country before corruption overtakes the land. There is a power struggle between 3 Factions, so play your cards right (literally) to come out ahead. To setup for a game, set the board in the middle of the table, populate the 3 Faction Tracks with their corresponding cubes, place the Corruption cube on 93%, create the Contingency deck (as described in the rules), shuffle the Blackmail deck, and give each player their 5 Action cards, starting Money, and 3 Pawns in their color. Flip all 9 Leader tokens face-down, shuffle them, and randomly give one to each player, placing the remaining Leader tokens face-up near the board.

The game is played over a series of rounds. At the start of every round, one card from the Contingency deck will be revealed/resolved. Contingency cards will either be Events (that will most likely alter the rules for the current round), or Consultants (to be ‘hired’ by an individual player for special abilities). Once the Contingency card has been dealt with, the round moves to the next phase: Action Selection. All players have the same 5 Action cards, numbered 1-5, available to them every round. Players will select one of their 5 Action cards and place it face-down in front of them. Then, in numerical order, all Action cards will be resolved. When your Action number has been called, you will reveal your Action card, perform the corresponding action, and take the card back into your hand. Once all players have performed their Action for the round, check the Corruption track – if it has reached 100% then the game ends, and if not then the game moves to a new round.

The 5 Actions available to all player are: 1. Networking, 2. Sell Weapons, 3. Buy Drilling Rights, 4. Sell Oil, and 5. Contingency. Networking allows you to collect Blackmail in order to win control of Faction Leaders. You may only Sell Weapons to a Faction if you control at least one of its Leaders. You will earn a set amount of Money, and a new Troop cube will be added to the game board. To Buy Drilling Rights from a Faction, you again need to control at least one of its Leaders. Pay for the rights, and then add one of your Pawns to that region of the board. Once you’ve got Drilling Rights, you can Sell Oil. Remove your Pawn from the corresponding region, and collect the appropriate amount of Money. And lastly, Contingency allows you to either ‘hire’ a Consultant, or perform an extra action as a result of an Event.


The amount of Money that you pay/earn for each of the actions is dictated by the Faction Tracks. For example, the price of Weapons decreases as Factions get more Troops on the board, which means you won’t earn as much selling to a Faction with lots of Troops in play. You have to time your Actions wisely in order to maximize your profit! If, at the end of a round, the Corruption track has reached 100%, the game ends. Players count up their Money, and the player with the highest earnings is declared the winner.
Although the theme isn’t something that would normally appeal to me, I have to say that Peak Oil
Profiteer is a solid game. The gameplay is straightforward, the player interaction is competitive but not combative, and the strategy keeps you engaged all game. The ultimate goal is to earn the most Money, and the Faction Track creates sort of a “commodity speculation” type mechanic to the gameplay. The costs vary depending on the Faction Track, and it can be manipulated by all players. That in and of itself creates some fun player interaction because the Faction Track affects all players. Doing something to block an opponent now may come back to bite you next round. Another neat element about Peak Oil Profiteer is that players select their Actions simultaneously, and they are then resolved in numerical order. Depending on where your turn falls in the round, you might be able to do just what you had planned, unless an opponent went before you and changed the game layout. There is an amount of uncertainty that forces players to adjust their strategy on the fly and adapt to the current situation.


I will say that resolving Actions in numerical order does kind of add an element of Action Programming, if you will. Once you have selected your Action this round, you are locked in. No matter what happens before your turn, you must perform your selected Action if at all possible. It creates some neat strategic opportunities, but at the same time, can feel like you’ve been blocked out. Just something to consider! Normally, I would touch on components, but as this was a Tabletopia version of the game, I can’t really do so. I will say that the art style and card/board layouts online are thematic and immersive. If the physical version of the game looks anything like this digital version, it’ll be a good looking game! One component that I especially appreciated was that each player gets a Player Reference/Round Reference card. It gives you the information you need without being too wordy, and it stops you from having to refer back to the rule book every turn. So big thanks from me for that!

Having never played the original Peak Oil game, I have to say that Peak Oil Profiteer made a good impression on me. It’s fast to teach and learn, engaging, and strategic enough to keep you thinking. The fluctuation of the Faction Track, and the order of Action resolution add elements of uncertainty and ‘luck’ (if you will) that keep the game from having a clear run-away winner. Everyone is in it until the very end, and the race for the most Money is a nail-biter for sure. If you’re looking for something interactive but not too confrontational, while also putting your strategic chops to the test, consider backing Peak Oil Profiteer on Kickstarter!
  
Tiny Epic Mechs
Tiny Epic Mechs
2019 | Abstract Strategy
I am someone who loves strategy. It is fun for me to create elaborate plans and see them through to either success or failure. Ok, it’s fun to see them succeed, not so much fail. BUT either way – I like to have a plan. So when Tiny Epic Mechs launched on Kickstarter, I was a little wary. Action programming? Can’t that effectively negate any strategy you have set up? I was on the fence. But I backed it anyway. So was my investment a good one, or did my programmed action of picking up this game backfire and leave me KO’d?

Disclaimer: I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook in this review, but give a general overview of turns and gameplay. For a more in-depth look at the rules, pick up a copy of the game from the publisher or your FLGS! -L

Tiny Epic Mechs is a game of action programming in which players take on the roles of Mech pilots competing in an arena-style battle royale event. Through the purchase of new weapons, powering up into Mech suits, combat with opponents (either face-to-face, or through the deployment of mines and turrets), and controlling different zones of the arena, players are trying to earn the most Victory Points by the end of 6 rounds of play. To begin, follow the setup instructions for the arena, based on the player count. Each player receives a player card (to track resources, and also acts as a reference card), a Pilot card, components in their chosen player color, and 1 Basic Weapon card to equip on their Pilot. Set the Round Tracker to round 1, create a market row of Advanced Weapons, place the Mighty Mech suit on it’s corresponding zone card, and the game is ready to begin!

Each round consists of 3 phases: Program, Execution, and Scoring. During the Program phase, players will secretly choose 4 Program Cards from their hand to represent their 4 moves/actions for this round. The chosen Program Cards will be laid out in order above the player card, and will immediately be covered by a face-down unused Program Card. (There are 8 Program Cards total, only 4 of which are used each round). It is important to note that the orientation of the Program Cards matters – Program Cards must be played parallel to the zone cards of the arena. Since they dictate the directions in which you move, you must place them exactly as you want to move. During the second phase, Execution, players will take turns revealing their Program Cards, one at a time and in order, and resolving the actions. To Execute a Program Card, you will first move your Pilot in the direction of the card’s arrow, and then resolve the action listed on the card. Movement is a must and cannot be skipped.

After Movement, you may perform the action on your card – Collect Resources, Purchase a Weapon, Deploy a Mine or a Turret, or Power Up. The first three of these are pretty self-explanatory. The Power Up action allows your Pilot to either heal themselves or upgrade into a Mech suit. Now to discuss crux of the game – combat. During the Execution phase, if you enter into the same zone as another player, you must immediately begin Combat. You will use your equipped weapons to battle your opponent, in hopes of knocking them out or forcing them to retreat. Weapons will deal base damage, or Power Attack damage, based on the circumstances of the combat. To attack with a weapon, you will deal the base damage immediately to your opponent. After your attack, the weapon you used is Exhausted and cannot be used again this combat. Your opponent then has the chance to attack back – either regularly or via Power Attack (I’ll leave that for you to discover on your own). Combat continues, alternating between players, until either a player is KO’d, or is forced to retreat because all of their weapons have been Exhausted. Initiating combat, dealing damage, and defeating your opponent all earn you VP, so combat is a vital part of the game!


After all players have revealed and performed their final Program Card, the round ends. At the end of the 2nd, 4th, and 6th round, players will perform a Scoring phase, earning points for any zones occupied by their own mines, turrets, or Pilot. At the end of the 6th and final round, scoring takes place as stated above, but players will also earn VP for all weapons they have purchased throughout the game. The player with the highest VP is the winner!
I have to admit that I am not a person who generally enjoys the mechanic of action programming. I like to really think through my strategy, and execute it exactly as I want. Action programming makes strategizing more difficult because your success or failure depends on the actions selected in advance by your opponents. You can’t really adapt mid-round, you kind of just have to deal with what’s happening. That being said, Tiny Epic Mechs, in my opinion, has a good balance of combat and actions/resource management. Your entire strategy can’t be based on combat – you need to upgrade weapons, climb into your Mech suit, etc. – and the ability to vary combat with individual upgrades makes the gameplay feel more strategic. Yes, your opponents might still mess up some of your best-laid plans, but you have to be prepared for any situation.

The overall gameplay can feel calculated or chaotic simply based on the player count. In a 2-player game, obviously there are only 2 people, and you have more opportunities to really focus on your individual Pilot before necessarily traipsing into combat. In a game with 3 or 4 players, interactions between players are inevitable and can really make the action programming mechanic stand out/feel more random/etc. Especially with a small play arena, Pilots will be crossing paths at probably every turn, and you may be forced into more combats that you anticipated. With only 2 players, there are interactions between players, but it feels a little more calm overall, and you can really work with a strategy instead of having to adapt to sudden changes in the arena.


Let’s touch on components for a minute. As always, this Tiny Epic delivers on quality components. The cards are colorful and sturdy, the text easy to read. The wooden components for tracking health/resources are good, but maybe just a little too small, even for my regularly-sized hands. The ITEMeeples, Mech suits, and weapons are always fun to play with, and sturdy enough to hold up to lots of plays. All in all, great work from Gamelyn Games once again.
For being a game of action programming, I have to admit that I enjoyed Tiny Epic Mechs more than I thought I would. At least at a 2-player count. Anything more feels too chaotic and random to me. The elements of programming and combat are engaging and elevate the gameplay, but it’s just not my favorite mechanic. Will I keep this game? Definitely. For what it is, I think it does a good job. Will I get more action programming games in the future? Probably not. I’d say Tiny Epic Mechs fills that spot for me, and that is all good in my book. Check this one out if you’re looking for something fun and relatively simple that utilizes this mechanic. Purple Phoenix Games gives it a mechanical 7 / 12.
  
Studies in Sorcery
Studies in Sorcery
2021 | Card Game, Science Fiction
We’re all nerds here, right? What was the best class the gang took in the Harry Potter series? Defense Against the Dark Arts of course! Learning spells to protect ones’ self (oneself? themselves??) from an onslaught of dark spells looked so fun in the movies. *DISCLAIMER: I have never read a Harry Potter book. I made it one chapter and couldn’t do it, but I have seen the movies several times.* In any case, what if you could learn the other side of these spells? The offensive ones? Well that would be cool right? What if you could get a full master’s degree in Dark Arts? Welcome to Studies in Sorcery.

Studies in Sorcery is a competitive card game that uses elements from other well-loved games and puts them with a wonderful theme and some very interesting card synergies. The game takes place over four school semesters (rounds) and each semester lasts four weeks (turns). Can you students complete your thesis using the research grants you are given, or will you fall flat to repeat the program again?

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this preview. These are preview copy components, and the final components may be different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, but to give our readers an idea of how the game plays. You are invited to back the game on Kickstarter launching October 6, 2020, order from your FLGS, or purchase through any retailers stocking it after it is fulfilled. -T


To setup, separate each deck of cards into like piles (Levels 100, 200, and 300 of the projects, graveyard cards, candles, vials) and shuffle them. Lay out the moon phase cards and semester tracker, placing the tracker tokens (skull erasers in the prototype) on the start of the cards to begin play. Set out the candles and vials in their own piles, as well as the point modifier tokens. Deal project cards according to the semester tracker in a 3×2 pattern under the moon phase and semester tracker cards like is shown in the photo below. Initially the graveyard pile will have three stacks of two cards each face-down next to the draw pile. Each player receives a research grant card, two thesis cards to choose one from, and two 100-level project cards from which the player will choose one. Give the first-player token (in this prototype it’s a cute LEGO skeleton) to the player who last attended school, and the game may begin!
Each player will be resolving actions, committing materials to their projects, and using completed project abilities each moon phase (turn). The actions one may take are: Dig, Buy, Cram, and Project Action. When a player uses the Dig action, they are searching for materials. A player can look at the items in the first pile of graveyard cards and take all the contents. If they do not like them, draw a card from the draw deck and place it on the first pile. Continue this for the next pile, and if unsatisfied the player may draw the top card from the draw pile OR either a candle or vial from the supply of stock cards.

Buy actions allow a player to use any unwanted materials or research grant monies to purchase additional candles, vials, or project cards from the middle of the table. To Cram, players may commit up to two materials from their hand to a project by placing the materials under the project cards. Project Actions allow players to use actions printed on any of their completed project cards. These can be very powerful.

Once each player has taken one of these actions, move the tracker token on the moon phase card to the next icon – Commit. To commit materials to projects, simply place the cards under the selected project (exactly like players do with the Cram action). Once all players have completed their commits, they may complete any projects that have sufficient materials by discarding the used materials and flipping the project card to its opposite side earning the printed points at the end of the game.


Play continues in this fashion for four turns each semester and the game lasts four semesters. Therefore the game will last 16 turns total. Whomever earns the most points for combinations of completed thesis cards, completed projects, bonus point modifier tokens, and one point for each $8 worth of materials in hand will be named Valedictorian of their class and winner of Studies in Sorcery!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, and I know some things will be different in the final version. However, what we were provided is a bunch of cards that have great art, are good quality, and are very easy to read and understand. The cute first player token will more than likely become a different component in the end, and the tracker tokens probably will be changed as well, but these are great bits to include in a game like this. The only negative I have about components is that I wish there was MORE color. Most of the cards are brown-heavy, and it’s completely fine, but I would love to have splashes of weird colors here and there. Overall, I am very pleased with the components in this game. Weird Giraffe Games always has great components in their prototypes AND final games.

It is probably no surprise that I love this game. The theme is wonderful, the wonky art is great, and it’s more thinky than one might imagine. The game play can be somewhat quick, or players can take excruciating amounts of time to think through their turns and chain together impressive actions. One thing remains constant – 16 turns to complete your thesis cards can be a huge undertaking. My first time playing I chose a thesis card worth 7 points (even though the rulebook advised me not to include those for the first play). I wasn’t even really that close to completing the thesis, but I may have with another two or three turns. But then again, that card is worth 7 points for a reason – it’s SUPPOSED to be difficult. My suggestion: take the rulebook’s advice and remove those thesis cards for the first play. Don’t try to be a hero.

Ahhhhhhh! I want to play it again right now just so I can attempt that thesis card again. But there are other thesis cards in the game. And other strategies to apply. And really, when you can’t wait to play a game, that’s a sign of a fantastic game for that specific gamer. Will this be a gem for everyone? I don’t know. It certainly works for me and my circle of gamers.

If you are a fan of the Harry Potter series (even though this is NOT a Harry Potter game) and need a thinky card game with that sort of fantasy classroom theme, or if your collection is begging for something new and quirky, or if you just love Weird Giraffe Games’ catalog and need every game they offer (I wouldn’t blame you), then you need to give Studies in Sorcery a look. Please consider backing it on Kickstarter launching October 6, 2020. I know my collection just got a lot cooler with this one.
  
Knives Out (2019)
Knives Out (2019)
2019 | Comedy, Crime, Drama
Murder mystery films tend to be more fun in theory and anticipation than they are to watch. It’s a genre that I very much enjoy and have indulged in over the years. Yet, if I look back in detail at it, I find that it is the books, especially those of Agatha Christie, that I like much more than anything lasting a couple of hours on the screen. There’s something about the mystery being rushed and squeezed into the cinema artform that is usually anti-climactic or even a full on let down.

Perhaps my favourite of the entire genre is a film that refuses to take itself seriously and is at once a pastiche of the multiple cliches that have accumulated over the years. And that film is, of course, the wonderfully camp, funny and charming 1985 romp Clue, starring Tim Curry and a slough of 80s B stars having the time of their lives. It isn’t a “good” film, it is a cult film, it’s joy being in its absolute lack of pretension or moral judgement. Like the board game that inspired it, it isn’t overly complicated or long, but has just enough cleverness, mirth and ambiance about it to always be a winner.

Rian Johnson’s take on the genre, Knives Out, is aware of these elements at all times, being above all things colourful, playful, arch and glib, but never convoluted or cerebral in an alienating way. He is something of a master at subverting a genre and wringing new life into it; take the invention of the teen noir in Brick, or the blend of assassin time travel sci-fi in Looper. He even gave an entire franchise a new breath of life by re-examining the use of humour and self referencing in Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

All of those previous films have as many detractors as mega fans, proving his style is devisive, for its audacity and its irreverence towards any idea of purism within an established model. And Knives Out is no exception to that. However, it may be the film of his that most people can agree on that they enjoyed, for one reason or another. I think it’s as interesting to ask why that is as it is to talk about the film itself… so, I will. At least, I’ll try to do both without losing my train of thought.

Firstly, it looks stunning; the palate of rich colours used in the poster and all marketing just make it look like something you want to immerse yourself in – every jacket, tie, dress, or piece of furniture is designed to precision, and it works like a dream of the genre you may have once had, as if it had been plucked directly from your subconscious. As in all good murder mysteries, the location, props and costumes should hold as much character as the actors, and the stately home of the Thrombey family certainly provides plenty of atmosphere in every texture and material on display.

Of course, the cast of characters is wonderfully put together with some inspired casting of familiar faces and actors you trust, such as Toni Collette and Michael Shannon, together with a few we don’t see enough of these days, such as Jamie Lee Curtis and Don Johnson, who both manage to create something as memorable as anything they did in their golden days. Add to the mix two bone fide action film superstars in Daniel Craig and Chris Evans, who leave the baggage of their most famous characters far behind and manage to convince you they are real actors again, the former with the aide of a jarring but hilarious Southern drawl, that grates at first but is a perfect choice on reflection.

Then there are the two lynchpins of this film’s ultimate success and joy: the exceptional legendary gravitas of 90 year old Christopher Plummer as the patriarch and victim at the centre of the intrigue, and the quite glorious revelation of Ana de Armas, whose charisma, beauty and skill in this delicately balanced role was the most impressive thing for me about the whole production. It may be Craig who is the ever present focus, as the detective tasked with solving the “crime”, but it is de Armas that you will remember most long after the credits roll.

As for the plot, well… I obviously can’t talk about it without ruining the whole thing. But, I can say that it isn’t far into the intricate web of motives, alibis and secrets before you start to sense this is going somewhere different, even unique. The examination of the relationships and personalities, and the extent to which they each demonstrate greed and selfishness is fascinating, superceding the crime that exists on the surface with a swamp of far seedier and unpleasant goings-on. Craig’s suave Benoit Blanc isn’t so much a detective here as a family therapist, or perhaps a supernatural presence in the style of the old classic, An Inspector Calls. Perhaps, it is suggested, no one completely escapes guilt and shame here… or do they? Are we looking for a murderer, or the only morally good person amidst a pack of dogs?

Another key element is how modern and unstuffy it feels, despite the country house and riches this is no play of manners, quite the opposite – no one here is on their best behaviour for the sake of decorum, and being upper class is an idea played with rather than enforced. The tea and cakes of the classic Christie, such as Murder on the Orient Express is replaced by smartphones and similar trappings, that identify it as definitely 2019 and no period piece. The concerns and themes are very much rooted in our present problems, and for that it engages and resonates in ways a costume drama just can’t do.

Upon finishing it for the first time, you may be thinking “sure, OK, I enjoyed that… but I’m not blown away here”. Then, as it sinks in over coming weeks, you find yourself recommending it to people, and thinking about how good it is in ways you didn’t initially think about. And that is surely why it was so embraced by the critics and paying public alike; it is a likeable, fun film, that can also stand some artistic scrutiny. It isn’t the smartest, or prettiest, or most meaningful film ever made, but it is enough of all three to make it an instant mini-classic, in my opinion.

I feel like there is maybe more to say about it, which is always a good sign, but that will do for now. I’d be happy to discuss it with anyone that feels the need. Or hear from anyone that didn’t like it! It would be interesting to hear that side of it, because I haven’t heard many negative comments on it at all. I don’t think I would defend it as a masterpiece to the end of the Earth, ‘cos it ain’t that good. I’m just hard pressed to find a serious fault. And it’s great when one of those sneaks up on you!
  
Tomorrowland (2015)
Tomorrowland (2015)
2015 | Sci-Fi
With Tomorrowland's lifeless fantasy world, bland characters, second-rate special effects, forced dialogue, and uninspired story, your future will undoubtedly be better off if it doesn't involve watching this movie.
Disney’s Tomorrowland implores us to imagine a world without limitation. One where nothing is impossible, and all of our wildest dreams can come true. (Sounds very trademark Disney, doesn’t it?) In the movie, that world exists in the form of a secret utopian society that has been built by only the brightest of minds. It is a place that exists free of politics and corruption, where people can push the boundaries of possibility as far as their imaginations will take them. Tomorrowland is a world meant to inspire, to evoke wonder, and to nurture creativity. It’s a stunning shame then, that all I ever felt while watching the movie was sheer boredom. For all of its endless opportunity, Tomorrowland ends up being almost completely uninteresting. With Tomorrowland‘s lifeless fantasy world, bland characters, second-rate special effects, forced dialogue, and uninspired story, your own future will undoubtedly be better off if it doesn’t involve ever watching this movie.

With the star talent of George Clooney, the directorial skill of Brad Bird, and the film’s promising trailers, I must admit that I was caught off guard by Tomorrowland‘s lackluster execution. The greatest compliment I can give the film is that it’s blandly passable, but in no area is it particularly good, engaging, or thought-provoking. For being a film that is about celebrating creativity, it sure is lacking in that regard. Tomorrowland itself feels like a poorly-realized pipe dream. It’s supposed to be this wonderfully ingenious world of innovation, but nothing about it struck me as notably exciting or exceptional. From the surface, it looks like your typical futuristic metropolis, complete with jetpacks and flying cars. Beyond that, I couldn’t really tell you what makes Tomorrowland so special, and I believe that’s largely because we’re given so little access to it. The movie treats us as outsiders to this place, and we spend the majority of the film tagging alongside the two main characters as they try to get in, but we’re never given any sort of rewarding payoff once we get there. The world of Tomorrowland is practically nothing more than a shallow, fantasy world facade.

The movie starts off with an uncomfortably awkward recruitment video recorded by Tomorrowland’s two main characters, Frank Walker (George Clooney) and Casey Newton (Britt Robertson), in which they argue over how they should tell their story. It’s a poor attempt at humor with banter that feels entirely forced. If anything, this overly long introduction should have served as an early indicator that I was about to embark on a two-hour snooze-fest. From there we transition to each of their character’s respective origin stories, and their separate journeys that led them to Tomorrowland.

Frank’s story takes us to the 1964 World’s Fair at Disneyland where as a young boy he’s trying to enter with his faulty jetpack creation. His invention is rejected, but he still manages to catch the attention of a girl named Athena, who gives him a special pin with the Tomorrowland logo. Young Frank is ordered to secretly follow her in the theme park, leading to the “It’s A Small World” ride, where he’s magically transported to Tomorrowland. Here we’re given our first glimpse of this futuristic world, but the entire sequence isn’t nearly as fun or awe-inspiring as it should be. Frank takes to the skies in his newly-repaired jetpack and yet this significant moment somehow winds up feeling surprisingly empty. The movie fails to capture that youthful element of whimsy and excitement that comes from discovery.

Next we learn the much more recent story of Casey, an enthusiastic high school student with a passion for making the world a better place. She’s the daughter of a struggling inventor who gets herself in trouble with the law after trying to sabotage the government’s planned demolition of a NASA launch pad. Once bailed out of jail, Casey finds a mysterious Tomorrowland token among her belongings, and upon touching it, she is magically transported to a wheat field with the distinguished metropolis of Tomorrowland in the distance. However, when trying to reach this futuristic city, she finds that boundaries in the real world inhibit her in this golden future world, even though she cannot see them while holding the token. It’s a novel idea, and one of the movie’s better moments, but if you’ve seen the film’s trailers then you’ve already seen most of how it plays out.

The trailers also spoiled Tomorrowland‘s best, and arguably only good action sequence, in which androids invade Frank’s house in an attempt to capture Casey, who possesses that coveted Tomorrowland token. It’s a well-crafted and exciting moment that demonstrates Brad Bird’s talent, but it’s also an unfortunately rare instance of entertainment in what is otherwise a dull film. As for the aforementioned androids, they’re unbelievably cheesy and lame. These robot villains are sourced from the pinnacle of technological advancement, and yet they’re remarkably derivative and hokey. The most original thing about them is that they blink their eyelids alternatively. That’s some real cutting edge creativity right there! To top it off, Tomorrowland even throws in an android-to-human love story for good measure, because why not? Robots need love too, you guys!

You know what the most troubling thing about Tomorrowland is for me? The fact that Brad Bird was the very first choice to direct Star Wars: Episode 7 and he turned it down to make this movie instead. That is almost incomprehensible to me. Even more so when you consider that Tomorrowland features a comic book store scene that is literally brimming with Star Wars props. It’s a decision that may come back to haunt him, but given how poor this movie is, I’m now actually thanking my lucky Death Stars that he’s not the one making the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

In the end, Tomorrowland is a movie that I don’t feel any connection to. I wasn’t captivated by the characters or the performances (not even George Clooney could save this one). The plot was a total bore. The sci-fi elements missed the mark. The visuals were mostly just decent, and tended to look more fake than impressive. The underlying message of hope was weak, and please, don’t even get me started on that cliché “two wolves” story that was needlessly tacked in. Nothing about the movie ever reminded me of the actual Tomorrowland from Disneyland Park, nor did it share its level of creativity. The longer the movie went on, the more I wanted it to end. I can honestly tell you that I have had more enjoyment standing in line for two hours for a ride in Disneyland’s Tomorrowland than I ever had while watching this movie. If this is how dull our ideal future is going to be, then sign me up for a front row ticket to the apocalypse where the future belongs to the mad!

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 5.26.15.)
  
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Astra (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Drama, Mystery
Impressive visuals, but rather disappointing as an overall package.
Like father, like son?
I really love sci-fi films with high ambitions. “Psychological” sci-fi like “Solaris” for example. And “Arrival” topped my movie list for 2016. In similar vein, “Ad Astra” is also a movie concerning attempted contact with alien life. So I had high hopes for it. But would this Sci-fi epic ultimately challenge my brain again, or end up in the “Crystal Skull” sin bin with a dodgy alien meeting?

The Plot
Set a few years into the future, Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) is the son of a legend. H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) was a space exploration pioneer. His picture hangs in the NASA hall of fame next to Buzz Aldrin’s. McBride senior went missing presumed dead near Neptune during a mission. The mission was to get outside the Sun’s heliosphere to scan for potential alien transmissions from nearby solar systems.

But something went badly wrong, and now the earth (and potentially all human life migrating into the solar system) is at risk from massive electromagnetic bursts arising from Neptune. Is Clifford alive and involved in the emerging crisis? The authorities send Roy on a secret mission to Mars to try to communicate with his father.

Majestic cinematography
Let’s start with a real positive. The cinematography here is first rate. Hoyte Van-Hoytema – well known for “Interstellar“, “Spectre” and “Dunkirk” – knocks this out of the park. In the same manner as “Blade Runner 2049“, many of the frames of this film could be blown up and placed on art gallery walls around the world.

Add to that some cracking film editing from John Axelrad and Lee Haugen, and some beautiful sound design and I predict the movie should feature strongly in the technical awards at the Oscars.

But “science fiction” has the word “science” in it….
I’d like to park my physics brain sometimes when I go to the movies, but I just can’t. So I really need sci-fi films to live up to the science part of their name. There are a number of areas, particularly at the back end of the film, when credibility goes out the window.

I can’t really say more here without giving spoilers, so I will leave them to a “Spoiler section” below the trailer…. don’t read this if you haven’t seen the film!

What IS this movie trying to be?
In my view the film is pretty schizophrenic in nature. This is what confused me about the trailer, jumping from a cerebral sci-fi vibe to moon buggy shoot-outs.

On one hand, its the standard (but always interesting) tale of a child abandoned by a hero-father and his attempts to reconcile what that’s done to his life and relationships. How can he ever square that circle without contacting his dad? As the film’s tag-line goes “The answers we seek are just outside our reach”.

On the other there are episodes of action that would fit happily into an action scene from Star Trek.

The two elements never really gel, leading to the feeling of the film having been written as a set of disconnected pages and the writers then saying “Hey, Jimmy, once you’ve finished making us the tea, could you just write a few lines to join those pages up into a shooting script?”. Then later, “What do you mean Jimmy you used BOTH piles of paper?!”.

The greatest sin of all
Unfortunately, the film commits a cardinal sin in my book. Those of you who follow my blog regularly might know what I’m going to say….

Voiceovers! I BLOODY HATE THEM!! It’s at the very extreme of what the great Mark Kermode calls “show don’t tell”.

Here, we don’t just have a little Brad Pitt set-up intro and he then shuts up. He just drones on and on and on with his inner thoughts. At least Matt Damon in “The Martian” got away with it by cleverly filming his video blog. And it’s not as if there isn’t a prime opportunity to use that device here! He is constantly having to talk to a computer to do his regular psychological tests! But that option is not picked up.

BIG BLACK MARK!

But the film has its moments
Bubbling under all of this are some stand-out moments where, for me, the film soared. One of them (ultimately setting me up for as much of a disappointing fall as some of the characters!) is the stunning opening shots aboard the “Sky Antenna” structure. Impressive and exciting, with falling bits of metal playing Russian Roulette with Roy’s iife.

Another strength for me is Brad Pitt. I’ve seen wildly differing views on this, but for me its a quiet but strong acting performance. There are many scenes when he has no lines, his inner (and our outer) voice gives it a miss, and he acts the socks off his peers. What with “Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood” its been a really good year for Pitt. I suspect “Hollywood” might be the one though that gets him his fourth acting Oscar nomination.

For a 2019 film, it’s actually a very male-heavy film, made more so by Pitt’s love-interest (Liv Tyler) being given virtually nothing to do other that look a bit sulky from a distance. I’m not even sure she gets a single line in the whole film! (“Miss Tyler – please sign for your script”. “But, there’s nothing in the envelope?”. “Quite Miss Tyler, Quite”).

The only decent female role goes to Ruth Negga as the Mars colony leader. Even then, she only has limited screen time and although having the title “Mars CEO” really doesn’t seem to have much power.

Elsewhere, its great to see both Tommy Lee Jones and Donald Sutherland back on the big screen again.

Final Thoughts
As any veteran RAF person will know, “Ad Astra” is Latin for “To the stars”. In space terms this is less “to the stars” and more “just beyond your front door”.

James Gray‘s film undoubtedly has high ambitions but, through its spasmodic script, never really gets there. It has the beauty of “Gravity” but none of the refinement; there’s an essence of “Space Odyssey” in places, but it never goes for the mystical angle; it has the potential to reflect the near-insanity through loneliness of “Silent Running” but never commits fully to that storyline. But if its novelty you’re looking for, it ticks the “floating monkeys in space” box!

I think it’s worth seeing on the big screen just for its visual beauty and Pitt’s performance. And as a major block-buster sci-fi film I enjoyed it to a degree. But for me it had just so many irritations that it failed to live up to my high expectations. A great shame and a frustrating disappointment.

But at least it’s great news for Richard Branson and Virgin Atlantic shareholders. They can be assured that the future is bright for their “long distance” flights in the future!
  
Matryoshka
Matryoshka
2016 | Card Game
I don’t know about you, but I have always been fascinated by Russian nesting dolls, known as Matryoshka dolls. Something about opening the outer-most doll and finding an exact replica, but smaller, just brings me so much joy and satisfaction. I could play with them all day. So whilst perusing Miniature Market, I came across this little card game. Does Matryoshka give me the same sense of satisfaction as playing with physical nesting dolls? Or does it leave me feeling empty, like a Matryoshka that is missing its inner dolls? (This analogy is a stretch, but I’m sticking with it)


Matryoshka is a card game of hand management and set collection in which players are antique collectors attempting to gather complete sets of valuable Matryoshka dolls. Over the course of 4 rounds, players will be trading (in a sort of auction/bidding way) cards in their attempts to collect different sets of numerically ascending Matryoshka dolls. To setup for a game, you will first create the game deck. Depending on the player count, you will use a specific number of Matryoshka sets for the game – each set ranging from values 1-7. Shuffle the deck and deal 6 cards to each player, placing the remaining cards in the middle of the play area in a face-down draw deck. Players will then select 2 cards from their hand to place in their Display (tableau), organized as described in the rules. Cards in your display are visible to all players, and provide information as to what cards you have, and what cards you may be looking for. So deciding which cards to Display is part of your strategy. Select a starting player, and the game is ready to begin! Pictured below is the setup for a four-player game.
Each round is consists of 3 phases: Draw, Exchange, and Display. To begin the round, all players will draw 2 new cards from the deck. The Exchange phase is played in turns, beginning with the starting player as the active player. The active player will select one card from their hand to be placed face-up in the middle of the table. This is the card that is up for trade. All other players must then choose one card from their hands to be offered in exchange. Players keep their offer cards hidden, and the active player will secretly look at all offer cards. The active player then chooses one of the offer cards to take into their hand, and the player whose card was chosen takes the active player’s face-up card. All other players take their offer cards back into their own hand. Play then moves clock-wise, beginning another Exchange with a new active player.


When all players have had the opportunity to be the active player, the game moves to the Display phase. Players take all cards from their Display into their hand, and will then create a new Display. As the game rounds progress, the number of cards in each Display increases. To start the game, all players Display 2 cards. After the first round, the Display will have 4 cards, then 6, 8, and finally 13 to end the game. Again, cards in your Display are visible to all players, and that information could be used strategically when Exchanging cards in the second game phase. After the fourth and final round, players will have a total of 13 cards in their Display. Each Display is now scored, earning points for consecutive cards per row as well as sets of the same size of doll. The player with the highest total score is the winner of the game!
I should probably start by saying that I’m a sucker for set collection. So when I stumbled across Matryoshka, the theme drew me in and the set collection mechanic prompted me to hit ‘Add to Cart.’ And I have to say that I am loving this game. One major element that I like about Matryoshka is the simplicity of the gameplay. Draw 2 cards each round, offer cards from your hand in Exchange for others, create Displays of your sets. Easy as pie.

What really takes this game above and beyond for me are the strategic elements. Deciding which cards to Display at the end of each round is a major strategy point of the game. You have to be careful with which cards you choose to Display, because they are visible to all players. So maybe you’ve got a set of 5 consecutive cards, but do you really want your opponents to know that? Is it better to only Display a couple and use other sets to finish your Display? Or maybe you do want people to know you’re gunning for that set, as it may prompt them to offer any of those cards from their hand, for which you would pay a pretty price. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours, right? Along with that comes the negotiation tactic. During every Exchange, players are allowed to try to influence the active player for certain trades. Take my card now and I’ll owe you a favor later sort of thing. It’s neat to see what strategies players will try with each passing round.

ALSO it pays to pay careful attention to all opponents each round. When creating your Display at the end of every round, you do not have to use the same cards as in your last Display. So you can strategize to bait opponents to giving you cards you want, or to try and keep your chosen sets secret. That being said, paying attention to opposing Displays can be a good tactic. Maybe your neighbor just had a consecutive run of 3 cards in their Display, but now are choosing to only Display 1 of those cards – just because you can’t see the others, doesn’t mean they’re not necessarily there. So changing up Displays can be a way to maybe trick your opponents into thinking you do or do not have specific cards. If you keep a careful eye out, you may be able to deduce what everyone is hiding…

A quick note on components – this game is a stack of cards in a small magnetically-closing box. The artwork is thematic and unique, the rules and scoring aids are understandable, and the box itself is nice and sturdy. The cards are not the most high-quality I’ve seen in games, but as long as my players are gentle, that shouldn’t be a problem in the long run.

So all in all, I think you can tell that I love Matryoshka. The gameplay is simple and fast, yet the strategic options really get you thinking and perhaps second-guessing every Exchange that is made. I really like the element of changing Displays at the end of every round, as it allows players to adapt their strategy for the coming round. I wasn’t really sure what to expect when I picked up this game, but I was pleasantly surprised. It’s one that I’m definitely happy to have, and can see myself pulling it out often for a quick, yet strategic game between some of the bigger games out there. To bring back my analogy from my intro (yep, I’m committed to this joke), I would say that Matryoshka is nearly as satisfying as playing with a physical set of nesting dolls. If you’re looking for something light yet engaging, I would definitely recommend picking this one up. Purple Phoenix Games gives Matryoshka a nestled 5 / 6.
  
<b><i>"What a stupid book."</i></b>

That was my initial thought after turning the final page of <b>Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later</b>.

As a pre-teen, I was addicted to the <u>Sweet Valley High</u> series, and then later, the <u>Sweet Valley University</u> series as well. Before that even, I had read some of the Twins and Kids series, so when I heard this was coming out last year, I just knew I had to read it. I was excited beyond compare and went into full geek-out mode. Where are the perfect size-six Wakefield twins, and their friends and enemies, now? What are their occupations? Who are they dating or who'd they marry? And my questions kept going on and on. What has inspired this obsession? It's not like these books were high literature, but somehow they became ingrained into my life to this very day and I cannot help but remember SVH fondly.

It is nearly impossible to review the story within the covers without spoilers, but I am going to try my darnedest. Some cursing may or may not be involved.

<b>Short synopsis</b> (snarky comments in parentheses ;P):
Jessica has betrayed Elizabeth. <i>(Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she did. Anyone who's read the books could make an accurate guess.)</i> The Ultimate Betrayal. <i>(Oooooh!)</i> Elizabeth flees to New York. Elizabeth is a slightly sympathetic bitter victim/martyr who craves revenge throughout the book. Jessica is supposed to be a sympathetic betrayer/victim who's heartsick at destroying her sister. <i>(I don't buy it.)</i> Tons of reminiscing flashbacks ensue throughout the book, sometimes the same ones told by different characters, and take up about half of it, so there's barely any plot. Book ends with a thirteen-page <i>Where Are They Now?</i>-type epilogue that tells old fans what has happened to many major supporting characters from the original high school series. <i>(Apparently no one is allowed to be happy. And anyone you may have originally liked from SVH has turned into a big dick. WTF?)</i>

I expected to enjoy this as the usual over-the-top, soap opera stories I remember, but revamped a bit. Sadly, I was left feeling underwhelmed, disappointed, annoyed, and rather pissed off. For one thing, I could not buy the main betrayal -- <spoiler>Jessica and Todd?! In love!!?? Really? In what surreal dimension does that make any kind of sense? This broke the book for me. How can I believe anything else if this doesn't ring true. A passionate affair, sure. A one-night stand, why not? But actual 'til death do us part nonsense? Bull. Not when it's almost always been the Elizabeth and Todd, "made-for-each-other" type of thing. I actually wouldn't have minded if E & T hadn't ended up together, but for Todd to be with Jessica, that's just madness, plain and simple.</spoiler> -- it was just so unbelievable. And I mean that in a Sweet Valley way, which we all know is not steeped in any form of actual reality, so my standards are quite low and I expect the extraordinary and overwrought. So from this point on, which is within the first two chapters, I struggled, but somehow managed to read on. I admit, I gagged more than few times throughout the book. Who wouldn't when faced with passages such as this one,
<blockquote>"And what faces they were.

Gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. The kind you couldn't stop looking at. Their eyes were shades of aqua that danced in the light like shards of precious stones, oval and fringed with thick, light brown lashes long enough to cast a shadow on their cheeks. Their silky blond hair, the cascading kind, fell just below their shoulders. And to complete the perfection, their rosy lips looked as if they were penciled on. There wasn't a thing wrong with their figures, either. It was if billions of possibilities all fell together perfectly.

Twice."
-page 9/10</blockquote>
I hope you managed to hold onto your last meal. I barely did. I also had to endure "his beloved," "his love," and other similar nauseating descriptions.

This is not the PG-rated books from the past, the word "orgasm" is actually used. So is the F-bomb and other expletives. *gasp* Seriously, it does push the boundaries more than the innocent SVH series, but it's not very shocking by today's standards. Except that it does involve the Wakefield Twins, which was strange at first. Of course, current trends had to pop up, like Twitter and Facebook, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce, which always makes a book better and doesn't date it in the least. (That was heavy sarcasm in case you weren't sure.) The book does refer to some incidents and people from the SVU series, but only certain elements, otherwise it's mainly a continuation of high school and no one from the university days actually appears in the book.

Neither Elizabeth nor Jessica felt true to form, especially Jessica, and in fact, none of the characters, whether seen or just talked about, were right. Sure, some people change and some don't, but not a one was recognizable. Where did these strangers with the same names come from? Why couldn't there have been some semblance of the original shining through? Again, I have a hard time with the basis of the book, so that has severely colored my view of the entire thing, but as it stands, it was a complete waste of a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that any fan of SVH could come up with something a million times better than this dreck. Wasn't there an original ghostwriter available? You know, someone who might actually know the world and characters, and have the skill to develop them both in a believable manner?

The writing is rather clunky and purple-ly, often managing both at the same time. Redundancy abounds, editing mistakes, including wrong names and inconsistencies to previous events in SVH-iverse, and lots of use of the words "like" and "so", more-so in Jessica's narrative than anywhere else, which was really, really, so, like, irritating. Like, really. Ms. Pascal must have had a thesaurus at the ready, because there were big words awkwardly thrown into the narrative. While I appreciate authors utilizing lesser known or used words, some just don't blend well with the rest of the text and they pop-out unflatteringly. The structure needed fine-tuning and tenses were oddly used to differentiate the flashbacks from present day.

To put it succinctly, the writing isn't great and neither is the storyline, what there is of it. This was a bizarre read even by Sweet Valley standards and an insult to fans. Seriously, does Francine Pascal hate this universe and its readers? I think I'll stick to the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/series/58723-sweet-valley-high">Sweet Valley High</a> series and make up my own stories about what happened afterward.

Slightly spoiler-ish lesson learned from this book:
<spoiler>Betrayal is okay as long as it's "Twu Luv."</spoiler>

Second lesson learned:
Everything always turns up fucking sunshine and roses and unicorns and lollipops for the worst person (or people) in the end.

I'd like to leave you with another winning description,
<blockquote>"There were no tears, but her mouth was twisted in a silent sob."
-page 17</blockquote>

<u>A thought a few hours after having finished this book:</u>
Maybe another "sequel" will eventually come out and it'll begin with Elizabeth waking up from the nightmare that is this book and we'll get the real ten years later story. Ahh, sweet dreams.

<u>Update: April 26, 2011:</u>
Oh yes, always good to blame the fans/readers for not liking their terrible book. By pointing out minor, petty reasons, I might add. <b>Warning:</b> book spoilers in article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/business/media/17sweet.html?_r=1