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Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Make up (0 more)
Acting (0 more)
It all looked soooo promising
Contains spoilers, click to show
Let me say this upfront; David Harbour looks f---ing boss as Hellboy. The makeup is far superior to that of Ron Perlman, not that there was anything wrong with Ron Perlman’s, but with this new incarnation it’s all in the eyes. Deep red, sunken, pained. Sadly, that is all I can say about this movie that is one hundred percent genuinely positive. There are positives however, but they come with a big ‘however’.
I was initially a little concerned that we were getting a re-boot and not a direct sequel to Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), especially as it still seemed so recent and was so well made. I know it was over a decade ago but quality is timeless, yeah? Then David Harbour was cast and Neil Marshall announced as director. Great, thought I, an actor I like and a director who’s put out some solid genre material. I saw the first picture of Harbour as Hellboy and I was genuinely excited. I saw the trailer and again, excited. Then I watched the film.
Eurgh, where to start?
Firstly, Ian McShane’s initial voice over is clunky and ill fitting, then they throw in some b@llocks about King Arthur and Excalibur. I had my first wobble here, as some of the effects seemed less than special.
Cue opening titles.
The film starts with a Mexican wrestling match that is purely exposition to let us know Hellboy is a hard drinking and hard fighting anti-hero working for an organisation that deals with the paranormal. The make up for his vampiric opponent is also great (can’t fault the makeup department), but the scene seemed superfluous. We get the nubbin of the story forming now; some horrible witchy wench from way back when was cut into bits and flung around jolly old England to prevent her from spreading a right ‘orrible plague. Turns out a potty-mouthed Liverpudlian pig-monster is collecting said bits in the hope of putting her back together in exchange for his normal appearance. Scouse pig-monster is quite entertaining.
Hellboy goes to England at the request of an upper-class paranormal society to help them kill giants; this goes t1ts up. Again, this seems like unnecessary exposition to introduce Alice, a medium who he rescued as a baby, who now rescues him in a transit van. We also get introduced to M11’s Agent Daimio. There something wrong with him, he keeps injecting himself with a serum to stop something happening. I knew at this point we’d get to see what it was eventually, probably at a juncture where something is needed to rescue someone important. However, at this point I had a feeling it would be bad, I just didn’t know how bad.
There some more fighting, some good effects, some mediocre effects and some terrible effects. There’s some good one-liners, there’s some dull and/or terrible dialogue and then we get the film’s conclusion.
There’s something I’ve been putting off mentioning as I didn’t want the entire review to be about it, and it could have been; the witchy wench at the heart of all this paranormal consternation, Nimue, is played by Milla Jovovich and she is terrible. From when she first opens her mouth to her predictable demise, she is terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE.
I love some of the Resident Evil films but all she’s required to do is some slow-motion scissor kicks and shoot zombies and zombie-dogs in the face. She is tolerated, rather than enjoyed. Here she is emoting, or at least I think that’s what she was going for, and as a depiction of an evil entity bent of the destruction of all mankind, she is, for want of a better word, cack.
David Harbour and the Hellboy franchise deserve better than this. To be blunt, the franchise has better than this and Mike Mignola should be a bit more f---ing precious with his creation.
Hellboy (2004) was genuinely exciting; it was an origin story that bought that story full circle for its thrilling and apocalyptical conclusion. It has a wonderful nemesis, great support and breath-taking visuals. The re-tread of the origin story in Hellboy (2019) is, again, one more unnecessary diversion from a sketchy plot, which, for all its meagre bones takes a f-ck load of time to tell.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) was equally impressive. It also introduced a fully formed community of creatures and customs hiding alongside mankind. It did so with nonchalant aplomb. Nothing seemed irrelevant or forced. For two films with almost identical running times, Hellboy (2019) tells less of a story with way more waffle.
So, I did mention there were some positives. David Harbour is great. He’s dour, sarcastic, defiant and funny, he just has no engaging story in which to be all those things. Ian McShane is good as the father figure but he is overshadowed by memories of the late, unbelievably great John Hurt. The story of a witch trying to destroy mankind is solid fantasy movie gold and the unleashing of her plague late in the final act is suitably hellish; bizarre demons emerging from city streets and tearing humans limb from limb, it’s bloody wonderful and wonderfully bloody. They all could have come straight out of a Clive Barker fever dream. However, it’s too little too late, by this point in the story we’ve had too many cutaways, too much shoddy CGI, and Agent Daimio stinking up many a scene with his ‘will he won’t he’ turn into something rubbish… he does.
The worst part of all this is I don’t know if they can come back from this. The film may have sunk the franchise at least for the next few years.
I do however, look forward to a re-boot in a decade or so, if we haven’t all been assimilated by aliens, overrun by AI robots or decimated by a supernatural plague bought on by some witchy wench with an axe to grind.

THREE WORD SUMMATION: Big Red Turd.
  
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Ross (3282 KP) rated Ironclads in Books

Oct 6, 2017  
Ironclads
Ironclads
Adrian Tchaikovsky | 2017 | Science Fiction/Fantasy
6
7.5 (2 Ratings)
Book Rating
*** I received a free advance copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review ***


I have read Adrian Tchakovsky's Shadows of the Apt series and loved it.
I recently read his Dogs of War and enjoyed it. However I think this has somewhat tainted Ironclads for me.


Ireonclads sees us again in the near-future where the UK (read as England which annoyed me, being Scottish) has gained independence from Europe and subsequently gone bust and been bought over by the USA. The USA is likewise invading or at war with much of the rest of the world. These wars are now fought mainly in corporate interest (but then what's new *cough gulf war cough*) with armies of poorly equipped government soldiers being dent in to conflict occasionally supported by corporate playboys (generally the heir to the corporate fortunes) in their massive armoured scion suits (hence iron-clad) where they are fully protected from pretty much everything. These playboys tend to be captured by each other and ransomed back to their families, guffawing at their japes all the way.


The story sees one small group of US soldiers sent in to deepest darkest Sweden to rescue one such playboy who got himself too far ahead of the army and appears to have gone missing but without ransom (without his scion suit).


Being a short (200 pages) book worked well for me, I felt any more scenes or narrative would have felt like padding and this was its natural length.


However, for me this book felt like the notes or background story to Dogs of War and has suffered from my having read the latter. That book notes that wars used to be fought with machines and robots but moves on to cybernetically enhanced animals. This book felt like a side story or introduction to the Dogs of War world and little more.


Other aspects of the story chimed with that of Dogs of War as well and showed the author to be a little short of ideas - living beings with their brains/bodies cybernetically enhanced, swarms of insects used to disrupt communications, the USA being a little bit invadey and corrupt etc.


While this is not my usual cup of tea, I have enjoyed other sci-fi and felt this was a little slapdash. I didn't like the narrative style, finding the blasé, informal tones of the army sergeant both jarring and poorly executed. And while I don't need to be spoon-fed the plot, I found some elements badly or barely explained (what DID the Finns do?!) and the major plot twist neither surprising nor worth the wait.


Tchaikovsky can describe a battle scene well and you get a feel for the whole battle as well as the key conflicts, so the action itself is fairly gripping at times. However, the finished article left me feeling a bit meh.


All in all I am glad I read this, but had expected better things from his sci-fi given Children of Time won the Arthur C Clarke award.
  
Minions (2015)
Minions (2015)
2015 | Animation, Comedy, Family
8
6.5 (30 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Bright, smart and hilarious
They’re everywhere! Minions have become a worldwide phenomenon since their unveiling in 2010’s smash-hit Despicable Me and for their return in its sequel.

It was only a matter of time before Universal gave their most successful animated franchise a prequel, and allowing it to focus on the cute yellow creatures was a masterstroke by the people behind the scenes. No matter where you go there is something minion related to buy.

But the question is, does a film based on them truly work? After all, it’s their evil master Gru who is the main focus of the previous features.

Minions follows the history of the loveable race from humble beginnings serving an unlucky Tyrannosaurus right up to the moment they meet their aforementioned boss in a film packed full of colour and imagination.

After a history lesson narrated by the wonderful Geoffrey Rush, we find three plucky minions – Kevin, Stuart and the adorable Bob (accompanied by teddy Tim) as they are about to embark on a mission to find the most evil boss in the world.

Stumbling across the wicked Scarlet Overkill (voiced beautifully by Sandra Bullock) along the way, the trio think they have found everything they ever wanted right here in England.

Seeing London realised in animation as excellent as that in Minions is a joy. The city is a hive of activity with every frame being filled to the brim with tiny details like stained-glass windows, bees, rats, telephone boxes and fluttering flags. It’s just a shame we don’t get to see it more.

Naturally the English stereotypes come out in full force with tea-drinking newsreaders and policemen, but they’re done in such good taste you can’t help but laugh.

This is where Minions excels. Its humour is sublime. The kids will be rolling around in the aisles one moment, with adults finding something equally as hilarious the next – this is how a family film should be. There are pop culture references abound and even some nods to previous US presidents.

Kevin, Bob and Stuart are the perfect trio to spend 90 minutes with. Each of them have rich personalities that feel like they’ve been cleverly crafted to ensure you find a bit of yourself in each – I know, it sounds ridiculous.

Unfortunately, the story runs a little out of puff towards the film’s climax. It delves into unnecessarily silly territory when it really doesn’t need to and it’s a shame that a smart kid’s movie like this feels the need to dumb it all down.

Thankfully, it picks up again in the last 15 minutes and makes for a truly memorable ending.

Overall, Minions is a funny, charming and well-paced film that confirms what we all feared – Britain is obsessed by minions. The animation and humour are both sublime with only an exhausted plot stopping it from achieving greatness.

One thing’s for sure though, that obsession your child has with the pill-shaped creatures, it won’t be going away any time soon. Minions – me ti amo (I love you in Minionese).

https://moviemetropolis.net/2015/06/28/bright-smart-and-hilarious-minions-review/
  
The Legend of Tarzan (2016)
The Legend of Tarzan (2016)
2016 | Action
CPR Needed
As tends to be the case with Hollywood, studios pay very close attention to their rivals release schedules, eyeing up potential competition to pit their films against, maxing box-office returns in the process.

And when Disney announced they were rebooting The Jungle Book in March this year, Warner Bros quickly responded with another jungle-themed film; The Legend of Tarzan. But does this interpretation on the classic character swing or fall?

It’s been nearly a decade since Tarzan (Alexander Skarsgård), aka John Clayton III, left Africa to live in Victorian England with his wife Jane (Margot Robbie). Danger lurks on the horizon as Leon Rom (Christoph Waltz), a treacherous envoy for King Leopold, devises a scheme that lures the couple and friend George Williams (Samuel L Jackson) to the Congo. Rom plans to capture Tarzan and deliver him to an old enemy in exchange for diamonds. When Jane becomes a pawn in his devious plot, Tarzan must return to the jungle to save the woman he loves.

Directed by David Yates (Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows), Legend of Tarzan features committed performances from its lead cast, immersive scenery and impressive special effects, but all of the glitz can’t save a film that plods along at a dreadful pace. Not since Peter Jackson’s King Kong has there been a movie that wastes so much of its opening act.

Alexander Skarsgård is likeable and commanding as the titular character, but lacks enough acting prowess to tackle the deeper, more emotional side that writers Adam Cozad and Craig Brewer have brought to the table here. Therefore, the scenes featuring a solo Tarzan suffer somewhat and Samuel L Jackson feels wasted in a poorly written and half-hearted role.

It is in Margot Robbie and Christoph Waltz that we find the film’s saving graces. Their characters leap off the screen with Waltz in particular being a highlight throughout. It’s unfortunate that one of our greatest living actors is lambasted with poor dialogue however, though the script just about keeps him afloat.

David Yates brings a similar filming style here to that of his foray into Harry Potter. The action is confidently filmed, but he avoids the use of shaky-cam that many directors seem to find appealing nowadays. The CGI is on the whole very good, especially in the finale which is breath-taking to watch.

It’s just a shame the rest of the film is such a drag. The first hour is incredibly poorly paced with very brief, albeit well-filmed, action sequences not doing enough to brighten Legend of Tarzan up. Elsewhere, the use of flashbacks is at first a decent way of giving the audience some exposition, but after the tenth one, they’re a nuisance.

Overall, The Legend of Tarzan does a lot more with its iconic character than other films have done, but that doesn’t excuse its poor pacing. Thankfully, the exciting finale lifts the final act above the standard of the first hour, and commanding performances from all the cast sustain interest just about enough to see it through to the end.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2016/07/07/cpr-needed-the-legend-of-tarzan-review/
  
100 Streets (2017)
100 Streets (2017)
2017 | Drama
7
7.0 (2 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Story: 100 Streets starts as we meet our characters, troublemaking drug dealing thief Kingsley (Dramah), former rugby player Max (Elba) who is going through a marriage problem after his own affair with his wife Emily (Arterton) who in an act of revenge is dating photographer Jake (Cullen). The final couple we meet are cabbie George (Creed-Miles) and Kathy (Wareing) who are trying to adopt a child, though his past is causing problems in this pursuit.

As the lives cross-paths the people must learn about the mistakes they make to prevent themselves from making any more mistakes.

 

Thoughts on 100 Streets

 

Characters – Max is a former England rugby captain, since retiring he started cheating on his wife and getting caught up with the drugs, seeing his future career going up in smoke, he needs to clean up his own actions in any hope of winning his wife back. Emily is the wife of Max who has been going through the struggles of her husbands action, thinking about getting back into acting and trying to move on with her life. Kingsley is the streetwise drug dealing thief that has been caught up against the law, even though he believes he could go onto something bigger, he receives the guidance required to escape this life. We have a cabbie that makes a terrible mistake and must learn to live with the consequences and a photographer that wants to be part of Emily’s life.

Performances – Idris Elba, Gemma Arterton are both great in their roles in the film, we know and expect it from them. Elsewhere we get the less known actors in Franz Drameh and Charlie Creed-Miles that shine in this film.

Story – The story follows the lives of three people, the problems they are facing and the changes that will define them. We get three different worlds, one is the celebrity world and marriage, where the vices can control someone, the middle-class who just want normal lives which can fall apart from past action and the lower-class that must fight for a chance or face the same circles of crime. The way the three lives cross without interaction shows how people can be going through their own struggles meters away from you. Each life will be changed by the events in the film, which is important to see and we can see how theses moments can do the moments that create a future.

Settings – The film is set in London with the idea that we are within 100 streets of each other, in a position where lives can cross paves.


Scene of the Movie – Leaving the gang.

That Moment That Annoyed Me – Not sure what will happen with Jake next.

Final Thoughts – This is a wonderfully engaging drama that shows the lives people are living without you knowing within metres of your own life. Strong performances throughout do help the film stand out too.

 

Overall: Drama well worth watching.

https://moviesreview101.com/2019/02/02/gemma-arterton-weekend-100-streets-2016/
  
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Hazel (1853 KP) rated The Deviants in Books

Dec 14, 2018  
TD
The Deviants
C.J. Skuse | 2016
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
<i>This ARC was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review

The Deviants</i> by British author C. J. Skuse is an addictive, shocking young adult thriller about friendship, secrets and revenge. Set in a seaside town in the South West of England five friends are reunited through getting revenge on people causing difficulties in their lives. However some people are holding back secrets from the others, ones that cause more problems than not revealing them protects.

Ella has been with her boyfriend Max for five years but cracks are beginning to show in their relationship. Max is desperate to take their relationship to the next level, however Ella seems reluctant, if not scared, to do so. It is clear that something happened in Ella’s past that she refuses to acknowledge, relying on brutal training for the Commonwealth Games as a way of releasing her feelings. When circumstances cause Ella and Max to reconnect with schoolmates Fallon and Corey, Ella is quick to plot revenge on the people antagonizing them, using this as a new method of dealing with her past.

Through interactions with other characters, readers piece together the secret Ella has buried inside herself. By withholding these horrible experiences from everyone, Ella is slowly destroying herself. She believes she is protecting the people she loves, but is soon to realize that she is causing others to jump to dangerous conclusions.

Ella tells the story as if she is looking back on what has happened during the summer break from school. It is evident that she is opening up to an anonymous person, whom readers may initially presume to be a therapist. It is not until the shocking, heart-breaking conclusion that we eventually learn this character’s identity.

From the beginning it is not clear what the storyline of <i>The Deviants</i> is. For a very long time it is impossible to guess where the author is going with the narrative, however that does not stop it from being enjoyable. Ella’s account is occasionally amusing with realistic situations teenagers may find themselves in, although perhaps not all in one friendship circle: romantic relationships, pregnancy, exams, bullying, physical disability, homosexuality… As a result of the wishy-washy plot line, the ending is all the more shocking.

It is easy to relate to all of the main characters – although not necessarily like them all. Each represents a different set of feelings and personalities that all young adult readers will be familiar with, thus <i>The Deviants</i> is a book everyone can relate to.

I honestly did not know what to expect when I began this novel, however I easily got into the narrative and enjoyed reading about Ella and her friends. There are a few topics that are difficult to read about, so some readers may feel uncomfortable especially if they have ever been <b>*SPOILER*</b> abused. <i>The Deviants</i> is a book that fans of contemporary young adult readers should enjoy, and has the potential to become quite popular.
  
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Hazel (1853 KP) rated Cuckoo Song in Books

Dec 14, 2018  
CS
Cuckoo Song
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
<i>I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.</i>

Frances Hardinge’s <i>Cuckoo Song</i> is a historical, horror story for children. Six years have past since the end of the First World War, a war in which the Crescent family lost their eldest child. Eleven-year-old Theresa Crescent “Triss” lives with her parents and nine year old sister, Penelope “Pen” in the fictional town of Ellchester, England. Since losing Sebastian, Triss has become a very frail child and so it is no surprise to her parents that she develops an awful fever after falling into a millpond. The question, though, is how she came to be in the pond to begin with and why Pen is so scared of her?

Things become even more mystifying when Triss sees dolls start to move, finds leaves on her pillow, and is constantly ravenously hungry. Her parents begin to consider that Triss is suffering from some form of mental illness, however, Pen, the bad-tempered child, is adamant that that is not the case. She claims that Triss is a fake.

The horrible realization is that perhaps Triss is not Triss at all. This discovery leads the tale into paranormal territory with the introduction of unique new creatures: Besiders.

Cuckoo Song is not just an entertaining, fantastical story; it also deals with themes of family and personal emotion. Piers and Celeste Crescent are examples of parents whose behaviour and response to the death of a child impact on their remaining children. Triss becomes a child they want to protect and save leaving Pen to become an attention-seeking troublemaker.

As the story progresses, Triss and Pen’s relationship develops, or rather Pen and Not-Triss’, into something more recognizable and sisterly. Through their strength and newfound love for each other, they fight to get the happy ending they deserve. And through it all Triss discovers that just because someone calls you a monster, it does not mean that you are a monster.

The 1920’s setting did not feel quite accurate. At times it felt as though the story could have been set today. This, however, was not a major issue as, apart from Sebastian’s death during WW1, the time period was not a key aspect of the plot.

Initially the children, particularly Pen, were written in a way that made them seem older than Hardinge intended them to be, although by the end it is clear that they are fairly young. This is shown in the way that Pen begins to become attached to, and slightly more dependent, on Triss.

It is difficult to say who the target audience of <i>Cuckoo Song</i> is. The protagonist is eleven but the writing may be a little difficult for some children, on the other hand it cannot exactly be classed as Young Adult fiction since the characters are not even in their teens.

Overall, <i>Cuckoo Song</i> is an exciting, fast paced, fairy tale-like story with original characters. It is not scary and is fun to read; there is nothing to stop older readers from enjoying it too!