Search
Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated Tomorrowland (2015) in Movies
Aug 6, 2019
I have to be honest. I was confused when I first heard that a movie was being made called Tomorrowland, and even more so when I heard it that actually is based on the themed area of Disney parks. How could they do it? What would it be about? It was strange. The teaser trailer didn’t give a whole lot away either (as teasers are designed to do). When I saw the full trailer, I had a little more understanding, and it definitely piqued my interest, but I was still totally in the dark. And I wanted to see the movie! I guess Disney really did their job right.
In this film, Tomorrowland is a place of unlimited possibilities. Another dimension, where the inhabitants of that dimension actively seek out intelligent people, inventors, who can do something that can change the world for the better. We begin at the 1964 World Fair in New York where we see a young Frank Walker (Thomas Robinson) entering into the inventor’s competition with a jetpack that doesn’t quite work. However, a mysterious young woman named Athena (Raffey Cassidy) takes an interest in him, offers him a pin and instructs him to follow her. Thus begins Frank’s adventure and we move forward in time to the present day, where we meet Casey Newton (Britt Robertson).
Casey is the teenage daughter of a NASA engineer, who is no slough in the intelligence department herself. We are introduced to her as she is sabotaging equipment at a NASA launch pad that is scheduled to be taken down, which will leave her father without a job. We see Athena again, who has mysteriously not aged, leaving a pin for Casey to discover Tomorrowland on her own. Only, this pin is a simple advertisement. We soon learn that something has gone terribly wrong, and our world is in danger. Athena leads Casey to an aged Frank Walker (George Clooney), who has since been banished from Tomorrowland, but still feeds off of their signal and sits and waits for the end of the world, which he knows when it will happen. But he and Athena see something in Casey that will help save both Tomorrowland, and our world.
Given the conversations, the imagery, and the theme of this movie, it is clearly targeted towards children more than adults. Though, there is plenty for an adult to enjoy about the movie, it is important to understand that the movie is clearly targeted to a younger audience. I say this because I feel, as did my guests who attended the press screening, that the main plot device, the main conflict of the movie, is far too complex a concept for this younger audience to understand. So before you read any further, spoiler alert. You have been forewarned. If you do not want to know, skip the next two paragraphs.
The idea here is that Frank Walker built a machine that could see any point in time. Past, future or present. With this machine, he saw the end of our world. The proposed resolution to stop the destruction of earth is this: turn off the machine. The argument being that the world ends because we see it ending. It becomes a fixation of our mind, and so it will happen. Apparently, the people of Tomorrowland have been streaming this information to Earth for years, but instead of taking steps to prevent it, Earth has embraced it. One of my favorite lines, delivered by one of my favorite actors (Hugh Laurie) indicated that we had simultaneous epidemics of obesity and starvation on Earth. It’s mind boggling. But the Casey comes up with the brilliant idea of turning it off, which will prevent the destruction of Earth because people will no longer be so focused on it. It’s a little more complicated than that, but this is the gist of it. Way too complex for your average child to comprehend.
Another part of the resolution and the end of the movie was brilliant, but I think it was poorly illustrated. As I mentioned earlier, the residents of Tomorrowland were searching for intelligent people, often high IQ inventors, who could make the world a better place. At the end of the film, Casey idea is to bring not only intelligent people, but anyone who will make a difference. Dancers, musicians, doctors, pilots, farmers, etc. I think I even saw a waitress in there. These are people who may not normally be recognized as highly intelligent, but can make huge differences in the world. The idea was to not be so limited in thinking, and understand how everything can contribute to a better world. However, they did not really do a great job of pointing this out, so some movie-goers may miss this point completely and simply see it as a rebuilding of Tomorrowland to its former glory.
Other than those two issues, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It had a great amount of humor, action and endearing moments. It was visually stunning, and took a concept that I never thought could be made into a movie and did just that. The movie was brilliantly cast, even down to the minor characters like Hugo (Keegan-Michael Key) and Ursula (Kathryn Hahn). Of course the score was fantastic, it is a Disney film after all. And despite my issues with the complexity of the plot, I still think that everyone, young and old, will enjoy this film.
Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it is entertaining, and definitely worth seeing on the big screen. So go check it out. In theaters everywhere, today.
In this film, Tomorrowland is a place of unlimited possibilities. Another dimension, where the inhabitants of that dimension actively seek out intelligent people, inventors, who can do something that can change the world for the better. We begin at the 1964 World Fair in New York where we see a young Frank Walker (Thomas Robinson) entering into the inventor’s competition with a jetpack that doesn’t quite work. However, a mysterious young woman named Athena (Raffey Cassidy) takes an interest in him, offers him a pin and instructs him to follow her. Thus begins Frank’s adventure and we move forward in time to the present day, where we meet Casey Newton (Britt Robertson).
Casey is the teenage daughter of a NASA engineer, who is no slough in the intelligence department herself. We are introduced to her as she is sabotaging equipment at a NASA launch pad that is scheduled to be taken down, which will leave her father without a job. We see Athena again, who has mysteriously not aged, leaving a pin for Casey to discover Tomorrowland on her own. Only, this pin is a simple advertisement. We soon learn that something has gone terribly wrong, and our world is in danger. Athena leads Casey to an aged Frank Walker (George Clooney), who has since been banished from Tomorrowland, but still feeds off of their signal and sits and waits for the end of the world, which he knows when it will happen. But he and Athena see something in Casey that will help save both Tomorrowland, and our world.
Given the conversations, the imagery, and the theme of this movie, it is clearly targeted towards children more than adults. Though, there is plenty for an adult to enjoy about the movie, it is important to understand that the movie is clearly targeted to a younger audience. I say this because I feel, as did my guests who attended the press screening, that the main plot device, the main conflict of the movie, is far too complex a concept for this younger audience to understand. So before you read any further, spoiler alert. You have been forewarned. If you do not want to know, skip the next two paragraphs.
The idea here is that Frank Walker built a machine that could see any point in time. Past, future or present. With this machine, he saw the end of our world. The proposed resolution to stop the destruction of earth is this: turn off the machine. The argument being that the world ends because we see it ending. It becomes a fixation of our mind, and so it will happen. Apparently, the people of Tomorrowland have been streaming this information to Earth for years, but instead of taking steps to prevent it, Earth has embraced it. One of my favorite lines, delivered by one of my favorite actors (Hugh Laurie) indicated that we had simultaneous epidemics of obesity and starvation on Earth. It’s mind boggling. But the Casey comes up with the brilliant idea of turning it off, which will prevent the destruction of Earth because people will no longer be so focused on it. It’s a little more complicated than that, but this is the gist of it. Way too complex for your average child to comprehend.
Another part of the resolution and the end of the movie was brilliant, but I think it was poorly illustrated. As I mentioned earlier, the residents of Tomorrowland were searching for intelligent people, often high IQ inventors, who could make the world a better place. At the end of the film, Casey idea is to bring not only intelligent people, but anyone who will make a difference. Dancers, musicians, doctors, pilots, farmers, etc. I think I even saw a waitress in there. These are people who may not normally be recognized as highly intelligent, but can make huge differences in the world. The idea was to not be so limited in thinking, and understand how everything can contribute to a better world. However, they did not really do a great job of pointing this out, so some movie-goers may miss this point completely and simply see it as a rebuilding of Tomorrowland to its former glory.
Other than those two issues, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It had a great amount of humor, action and endearing moments. It was visually stunning, and took a concept that I never thought could be made into a movie and did just that. The movie was brilliantly cast, even down to the minor characters like Hugo (Keegan-Michael Key) and Ursula (Kathryn Hahn). Of course the score was fantastic, it is a Disney film after all. And despite my issues with the complexity of the plot, I still think that everyone, young and old, will enjoy this film.
Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it is entertaining, and definitely worth seeing on the big screen. So go check it out. In theaters everywhere, today.
Movie Metropolis (309 KP) rated The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) in Movies
Jun 10, 2019
The Hunger Games franchise has come at a time that is almost certain to gather box-office success. After Harry Potter finished two years ago and The Twilight Saga bowed out just 12 months ago, teenagers and young adults have been craving for a new series of blockbusters to ‘sink their teeth into’.
The first film of this new dawn, based on Suzanne Collins’ successful book, was released in March last year and greeted with warm reviews and a staggering box-office performance, a gross just shy of $700m to be a little more precise.
However, rumoured tensions between director Gary Ross and studio Color Force meant that despite its impressive takings, he was not to helm its sequel, Catching Fire. Taking over from him is Francis Lawrence, director of I am Legend, Constantine and Water for Elephants, but can he better what preceded him?
The series centres around an annual ‘games’, in which people aged between 12 and 18 must fight to the death in a custom made arena, leaving only one victor, who is showered with riches for the rest of their lives.
Jennifer Lawrence, returning to the series after her first Oscar win this year, plays Katniss Everdeen, a plucky young teen who fresh from winning the previous Hunger Games tournament alongside her beau Peeta Mellark, played by Josh Hutcherson, travel through the land of Panem (a post-apocalyptic America) to spread their story and persuade others to take part in the vicious tournament.
However, after angering the Capitol, run by cold-hearted President Snow (Donald Sutherland) who becomes increasingly concerned that an up-rising is brewing, it is decided that previous victors must once again take part, to show that even they are not above the law.
For those fresh to the series, I warn you not to watch this film without seeing the first, as much of the plot will be near incomprehensible and your enjoyment will suffer as a result.
The film starts slowly, giving enough backstory before the inevitable return to the arena. Thankfully despite its large running time of 146 minutes, it never falters and after allowing the audience to see how the world has changed, it is back into the new and improved arena for the 75th Hunger Games.
Gone is the shaky handy-cam of director Gary Ross, and in its place we are treated to sweeping shots of numerous landscapes; from the coal-mining community of District 12, to the bright lights of the Capitol and even the large arena which has been given a radical overhaul to make it even more challenging than ever.
The acting is simply sublime by all accounts. Jennifer Lawrence, fresh from the honour of an Oscar plays Katniss with such a subtle grace that she is mesmerising to watch, a real treat for fans of J-Law and of course Suzanne Collins’ character. Liam Hemsworth returns to the series as Katniss’ secret love interest Gale, but he is sorely underused. Josh Hutcherson’s Peeta Mellark is as irritating as ever and lacks a backbone, but this is more to do with the script than Hutcherson’s abilities as an actor.
Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci also return, with the latter being a real stand-out in a film which is filled with quirky and unusual characters.
Those of you who have read my review of the previous film will know that I wasn’t a fan of its lacklustre special effects. Thankfully my prayers were answered and due to a budget that has almost doubled, the effects are glorious. The Capitol is perhaps the best use of the CGI, where the first film looked like a Star Wars: Episode I rip-off, here we really feel like the city is living and breathing for the very first time.
Unfortunately, it seems like the special effects team are still struggling with CGI fire as the computer generated flames are still laughable in their realism.
At 146 minutes, Catching Fire was always going to numb your backside, but you don’t care, the film is an absolute treat to watch. Director Francis Lawrence has retained the violent nature of the series despite its ridiculous 12A certification and manages to get around those limitations with style and flair.
Yes, if I was pushed I’d say it was a little over-long, the CGI flames still look ridiculous and the ending is far too abrupt, but if those are the only faults I can find in a film, then clearly it is more than worth the increasingly expensive price of a cinema admission ticket.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2013/11/23/hunger-games-catching-fire-review/
The first film of this new dawn, based on Suzanne Collins’ successful book, was released in March last year and greeted with warm reviews and a staggering box-office performance, a gross just shy of $700m to be a little more precise.
However, rumoured tensions between director Gary Ross and studio Color Force meant that despite its impressive takings, he was not to helm its sequel, Catching Fire. Taking over from him is Francis Lawrence, director of I am Legend, Constantine and Water for Elephants, but can he better what preceded him?
The series centres around an annual ‘games’, in which people aged between 12 and 18 must fight to the death in a custom made arena, leaving only one victor, who is showered with riches for the rest of their lives.
Jennifer Lawrence, returning to the series after her first Oscar win this year, plays Katniss Everdeen, a plucky young teen who fresh from winning the previous Hunger Games tournament alongside her beau Peeta Mellark, played by Josh Hutcherson, travel through the land of Panem (a post-apocalyptic America) to spread their story and persuade others to take part in the vicious tournament.
However, after angering the Capitol, run by cold-hearted President Snow (Donald Sutherland) who becomes increasingly concerned that an up-rising is brewing, it is decided that previous victors must once again take part, to show that even they are not above the law.
For those fresh to the series, I warn you not to watch this film without seeing the first, as much of the plot will be near incomprehensible and your enjoyment will suffer as a result.
The film starts slowly, giving enough backstory before the inevitable return to the arena. Thankfully despite its large running time of 146 minutes, it never falters and after allowing the audience to see how the world has changed, it is back into the new and improved arena for the 75th Hunger Games.
Gone is the shaky handy-cam of director Gary Ross, and in its place we are treated to sweeping shots of numerous landscapes; from the coal-mining community of District 12, to the bright lights of the Capitol and even the large arena which has been given a radical overhaul to make it even more challenging than ever.
The acting is simply sublime by all accounts. Jennifer Lawrence, fresh from the honour of an Oscar plays Katniss with such a subtle grace that she is mesmerising to watch, a real treat for fans of J-Law and of course Suzanne Collins’ character. Liam Hemsworth returns to the series as Katniss’ secret love interest Gale, but he is sorely underused. Josh Hutcherson’s Peeta Mellark is as irritating as ever and lacks a backbone, but this is more to do with the script than Hutcherson’s abilities as an actor.
Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci also return, with the latter being a real stand-out in a film which is filled with quirky and unusual characters.
Those of you who have read my review of the previous film will know that I wasn’t a fan of its lacklustre special effects. Thankfully my prayers were answered and due to a budget that has almost doubled, the effects are glorious. The Capitol is perhaps the best use of the CGI, where the first film looked like a Star Wars: Episode I rip-off, here we really feel like the city is living and breathing for the very first time.
Unfortunately, it seems like the special effects team are still struggling with CGI fire as the computer generated flames are still laughable in their realism.
At 146 minutes, Catching Fire was always going to numb your backside, but you don’t care, the film is an absolute treat to watch. Director Francis Lawrence has retained the violent nature of the series despite its ridiculous 12A certification and manages to get around those limitations with style and flair.
Yes, if I was pushed I’d say it was a little over-long, the CGI flames still look ridiculous and the ending is far too abrupt, but if those are the only faults I can find in a film, then clearly it is more than worth the increasingly expensive price of a cinema admission ticket.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2013/11/23/hunger-games-catching-fire-review/
Movie Metropolis (309 KP) rated Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) in Movies
Jun 10, 2019
Terrible film making at it's best
Michael Bay’s Transformers series has received a huge amount of criticism since the first film was released back in 2007, some of it fair, and some of it not. Now, 7 years on and three films later, Bay returns to the helm of one of the biggest movie franchises of all time with Transformers: Age of Extinction, but can it silence his critics?
The answer here is no, but not because Extinction is poor, it’s simply because there seems to be a chip on the shoulders of reviewers who expect Oscar quality film-making, when all the target audience for these films really want is to see Optimus Prime kick some Decepticon ass.
Extinction is a whole new start for the series with new characters and a five year jump to allow people to put Dark of the Moon at the back of their minds.
Mark Wahlberg heads an entirely new cast as Cade, an inventor who has run out of luck after a string of failed concepts which haven’t taken off. Thankfully he comes across an old truck that promises to change his fortunes – I bet you can guess just who that might be.
Much of the criticism of the previous films was directed squarely at Bay’s choice of female leads, from Megan Fox’s pout to Rosie Huntington-Whitely’s laughable acting performance, it’s safe to say the series hasn’t been the pinnacle of the fairer sex’s characterisations. Mercifully, the introduction of Nicola Peltz as Cade’s daughter Tessa goes some way to dissolve that problem.
Yes, she’s not going to be troubling the Academy Awards any time soon, but she is a damn sight better than those that preceded her, though the poor script stops her from being anything but a whining teen.
A brilliant Stanley Tucci and an ingenious bit of casting in Kelsey Grammer complete the film’s human characters and the two act as the main antagonists.
Of the robot kind, Michael Bay has gone into overdrive, introducing characters left, right and centre and leaving no stone unturned. John Goodman and Ken Watanabe are both excellent as Hound and Drift – two new Autobots joining the resistance. Of course all the Transformers are outshone by the wonderful Peter Cullen who again returns to the series as Optimus, his voice work is absolutely superb, though with his previous experience, you wouldn’t expect any less.
Extinction’s premise is simple, there is a bounty on the heads of Optimus Prime and the rest of the Autobots, with the humans wanting to get there planet back after the events in Dark of the Moon.
The story is fun if a little incomprehensible at times; it occasionally feels like each plot point is merely there to act as a bridge until the next big set piece, though this never affects your enjoyment of the film itself.
Thankfully the special effects are absolutely stunning and some of the best seen on the big screen. The Transformers are beautifully rendered in seamless CGI and the CGI environments all look great as well.
Bay has also done well to make the battles look more realistic this time around. Previously, it was difficult to know who was fightingTransformers-Age-of-Extinction-Poster-Optimus-and-Grimlock-Crop who, with close ups of mashed metal stopping the audience from seeing exactly what was happening. Here things are much better, but still not perfect.
Unfortunately it isn’t all good news. The heavily marketed Dinobots are only in the film for about 20 minutes towards the finale which is a real shame, as it makes you feel a little cheated. Also, the running time is a real headache; this is the biggest Transformers film yet at just over three hours long and it feels it with numerous plot fillers that can occasionally detract from the rest of the film.
Overall, Bay has probably created the best Transformers film yet with some cracking special effects and dare I say it; decent acting. However, it is far too long with unnecessary sub-plots, especially at the start, which detract from what is pure entertainment.
The Transformers movies aren’t going to win any awards, and Michael Bay knows that, but they are a fine example of terrible film-making at its very best.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2014/07/06/terrible-film-making-at-its-best-transformers-4-review/
The answer here is no, but not because Extinction is poor, it’s simply because there seems to be a chip on the shoulders of reviewers who expect Oscar quality film-making, when all the target audience for these films really want is to see Optimus Prime kick some Decepticon ass.
Extinction is a whole new start for the series with new characters and a five year jump to allow people to put Dark of the Moon at the back of their minds.
Mark Wahlberg heads an entirely new cast as Cade, an inventor who has run out of luck after a string of failed concepts which haven’t taken off. Thankfully he comes across an old truck that promises to change his fortunes – I bet you can guess just who that might be.
Much of the criticism of the previous films was directed squarely at Bay’s choice of female leads, from Megan Fox’s pout to Rosie Huntington-Whitely’s laughable acting performance, it’s safe to say the series hasn’t been the pinnacle of the fairer sex’s characterisations. Mercifully, the introduction of Nicola Peltz as Cade’s daughter Tessa goes some way to dissolve that problem.
Yes, she’s not going to be troubling the Academy Awards any time soon, but she is a damn sight better than those that preceded her, though the poor script stops her from being anything but a whining teen.
A brilliant Stanley Tucci and an ingenious bit of casting in Kelsey Grammer complete the film’s human characters and the two act as the main antagonists.
Of the robot kind, Michael Bay has gone into overdrive, introducing characters left, right and centre and leaving no stone unturned. John Goodman and Ken Watanabe are both excellent as Hound and Drift – two new Autobots joining the resistance. Of course all the Transformers are outshone by the wonderful Peter Cullen who again returns to the series as Optimus, his voice work is absolutely superb, though with his previous experience, you wouldn’t expect any less.
Extinction’s premise is simple, there is a bounty on the heads of Optimus Prime and the rest of the Autobots, with the humans wanting to get there planet back after the events in Dark of the Moon.
The story is fun if a little incomprehensible at times; it occasionally feels like each plot point is merely there to act as a bridge until the next big set piece, though this never affects your enjoyment of the film itself.
Thankfully the special effects are absolutely stunning and some of the best seen on the big screen. The Transformers are beautifully rendered in seamless CGI and the CGI environments all look great as well.
Bay has also done well to make the battles look more realistic this time around. Previously, it was difficult to know who was fightingTransformers-Age-of-Extinction-Poster-Optimus-and-Grimlock-Crop who, with close ups of mashed metal stopping the audience from seeing exactly what was happening. Here things are much better, but still not perfect.
Unfortunately it isn’t all good news. The heavily marketed Dinobots are only in the film for about 20 minutes towards the finale which is a real shame, as it makes you feel a little cheated. Also, the running time is a real headache; this is the biggest Transformers film yet at just over three hours long and it feels it with numerous plot fillers that can occasionally detract from the rest of the film.
Overall, Bay has probably created the best Transformers film yet with some cracking special effects and dare I say it; decent acting. However, it is far too long with unnecessary sub-plots, especially at the start, which detract from what is pure entertainment.
The Transformers movies aren’t going to win any awards, and Michael Bay knows that, but they are a fine example of terrible film-making at its very best.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2014/07/06/terrible-film-making-at-its-best-transformers-4-review/
Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated Room Service in Books
Jun 11, 2019
Desperate Woman Gets Housekeeping Job at a Brothel
Genre: Erotic Romance
My Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Word Count: 17,530 words
After getting conned and dumped by a traveling guitar player, Lucy is struggling to make ends meet and things only get worse when she’s laid off from her waitressing job. Her last customer– a sexy, mysterious man wearing clothes that cost five times her annual salary– leaves her a $1,000 tip out of sympathy, but that money will only last so long.
But when she gets offered a job as a housekeeper at a brothel, things are looking up. Cleaning up after sex isn’t her usual line of work, but at least she won’t have to struggle financially anymore. When she literally runs into her heavy tipper at the brothel, however, things might get a little more complicated, especially when just looking at him is enough to fill her fantasies.
I’m still not sure what to make of this book, but I definitely wish there was more of it. I’m fascinated by this high-class brothel where everything is safe and 100% consensual and everyone treats each other like old friends. There are panic buttons in every room and all of the “Room Service” workers carry panic buttons on them as well (where they carry them isn’t mentioned, unfortunately).
I’m a little uneasy about what happens if one of the staff wants to quit, though. That’s never really mentioned, and Mrs. Stark, the owner of the brothel and Iron Man’s mother, isn’t someone to cross. Are they allowed to leave as long or have they taken a blood oath?
” Just know that if you accept you will be all-in. The secrets you keep will need to go to your grave with you. We take this vow very seriously.” — Mrs. Stark
Sounds like a blood oath to me.
Lucy’s a pretty cool character. She took getting fired well and she’s pretty kind and relatable overall. But her emotions when it comes to her ex are really simplistic. She’s just enraged that he left her destitute. And she definitely has reason to be. But anger is all she’s feeling. She’s not sad that he didn’t love her enough to stick around. She’s not regretting her decision to squander her savings on his debt (and it really was her decision. He might have sweet-talked her into it, but he didn’t hold a gun to her head). There aren’t even any lingering feelings of love or any sign she loved him at all. When it comes to her past, her entire character falls flat.
Of course, she’s better than Adam Palmer, the heavy tipper we know next to nothing about so far. The description “billionaire alpha” basically sums up everything about him. Not that I really mind Adam. He was actually pretty nice to Lucy. Despite the circumstances, I didn’t sense a disturbing power imbalance between them and he seems to genuinely care about her. I wish we saw at least one scene from his point of view. It would have gone a long way to making him a real character instead of an alpha-billionaire-on-the-verge-of-manly-tears stock photo.
I have a theory that he’s the one who got her the job at the brothel, but this has yet to be confirmed. I’ll be sad if this isn’t the case.
The sex scene, was honestly more comical than sexy to me. Reading about them screaming out each others’ names while doin’ it made me giggle.
“OH ADAM,” I cried out at the top of my lungs.
For real, have you or anyone you know actually shouted your partner’s name during sex because you were so caught up in the moment? It doesn’t count if you’re faking it.
Honestly, they talked a lot for two people who were supposed to be lost in the magical sensations of expert boning. Adam could even get out full sentences.
“Fuck Lucy, you are going to make me explode and I am definitely not done with you yet.”
As you can probably guess, this story is in need of some editing. Not just for punctuation issues (not too distracting, but still there), but also for the dialogue which is about as good as the best-written porn out there. The first chapter is also just Lucy straight-up telling her backstory. It only lasts for about a page, but it kept me from getting pulled into the story immediately and kept me from connecting to Lucy.
But despite all its faults, I still enjoyed the story. I thought it was really cute and I want to see more of Lucy and Adam together.
My Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Word Count: 17,530 words
After getting conned and dumped by a traveling guitar player, Lucy is struggling to make ends meet and things only get worse when she’s laid off from her waitressing job. Her last customer– a sexy, mysterious man wearing clothes that cost five times her annual salary– leaves her a $1,000 tip out of sympathy, but that money will only last so long.
But when she gets offered a job as a housekeeper at a brothel, things are looking up. Cleaning up after sex isn’t her usual line of work, but at least she won’t have to struggle financially anymore. When she literally runs into her heavy tipper at the brothel, however, things might get a little more complicated, especially when just looking at him is enough to fill her fantasies.
I’m still not sure what to make of this book, but I definitely wish there was more of it. I’m fascinated by this high-class brothel where everything is safe and 100% consensual and everyone treats each other like old friends. There are panic buttons in every room and all of the “Room Service” workers carry panic buttons on them as well (where they carry them isn’t mentioned, unfortunately).
I’m a little uneasy about what happens if one of the staff wants to quit, though. That’s never really mentioned, and Mrs. Stark, the owner of the brothel and Iron Man’s mother, isn’t someone to cross. Are they allowed to leave as long or have they taken a blood oath?
” Just know that if you accept you will be all-in. The secrets you keep will need to go to your grave with you. We take this vow very seriously.” — Mrs. Stark
Sounds like a blood oath to me.
Lucy’s a pretty cool character. She took getting fired well and she’s pretty kind and relatable overall. But her emotions when it comes to her ex are really simplistic. She’s just enraged that he left her destitute. And she definitely has reason to be. But anger is all she’s feeling. She’s not sad that he didn’t love her enough to stick around. She’s not regretting her decision to squander her savings on his debt (and it really was her decision. He might have sweet-talked her into it, but he didn’t hold a gun to her head). There aren’t even any lingering feelings of love or any sign she loved him at all. When it comes to her past, her entire character falls flat.
Of course, she’s better than Adam Palmer, the heavy tipper we know next to nothing about so far. The description “billionaire alpha” basically sums up everything about him. Not that I really mind Adam. He was actually pretty nice to Lucy. Despite the circumstances, I didn’t sense a disturbing power imbalance between them and he seems to genuinely care about her. I wish we saw at least one scene from his point of view. It would have gone a long way to making him a real character instead of an alpha-billionaire-on-the-verge-of-manly-tears stock photo.
I have a theory that he’s the one who got her the job at the brothel, but this has yet to be confirmed. I’ll be sad if this isn’t the case.
The sex scene, was honestly more comical than sexy to me. Reading about them screaming out each others’ names while doin’ it made me giggle.
“OH ADAM,” I cried out at the top of my lungs.
For real, have you or anyone you know actually shouted your partner’s name during sex because you were so caught up in the moment? It doesn’t count if you’re faking it.
Honestly, they talked a lot for two people who were supposed to be lost in the magical sensations of expert boning. Adam could even get out full sentences.
“Fuck Lucy, you are going to make me explode and I am definitely not done with you yet.”
As you can probably guess, this story is in need of some editing. Not just for punctuation issues (not too distracting, but still there), but also for the dialogue which is about as good as the best-written porn out there. The first chapter is also just Lucy straight-up telling her backstory. It only lasts for about a page, but it kept me from getting pulled into the story immediately and kept me from connecting to Lucy.
But despite all its faults, I still enjoyed the story. I thought it was really cute and I want to see more of Lucy and Adam together.
A Bibliophagist (113 KP) rated Throne of Glass in Books
Feb 5, 2020 (Updated Feb 5, 2020)
Good start (2 more)
Good finish
Intial character introductions
Formulaic (1 more)
Celeana never does anything she says she can do
Something special ruined by the YA formula
This is another tough one to review, primarily because it started so good for me, then just ended as a whimper.
First of all, this was one of my "force myself out of my norm" picks. I forced myself to pick two popular books, that didn't interest me, and give them a chance. This was the biggest "no interest" pick. The cover alone is just so bad I was embarrassed to be buying it at the bookstore by the art school I work at. What if one of my Illustration students see, will I be deemed unworthy to teach them if I buy a book so ugly and anatomically incorrect? Like seriously, why is her torso so long. Is she just insanely tall? Is she hunched or does she have no neck? It's just... awful.
Also, it's a genre I don't gel well with, fantasy just isn't my jam, I get so mad that SciFi is always lumped in with Fantasy. So, the perfect choice I suppose.
When I first started, I texted my partner and told him "holy crap, I actually am enjoying this". I was shocked, surprised. So far the YA darling of a book wasn't stereotypically YA. The main character was deep and interesting and had a thick backstory. Yea they've already introduced two perfectly perfect love interested for her, but whatever, this is actually interesting.
The book follows the acclaimed assassin, Calaena, young, utterly gorgeous and snarky, deadly. In theory a textbook YA heroine. But she is far from a Mary Sue (in the beginning) her backstory is interesting and rich. She's hardened by a year in prison death labor camp. A camp she is offered freedom from if she accepts the Prince's offer; his father wants a "champion" (aka a dubious person to assassinate and otherwise do his dirty work) and she is the Prince's pick. Should she accept, she'll go against other noble's picks and participate in a competition proving their worth. The winner gets freedom and serves as the champion for X amount of years. Losers go back to whatever prison or hole they crawled out of. So while Celeana doesn't much want to be a lackey to some Princeling or King, she doesn't want to go back to the death labor camp either.
So if you can't tell already, enter love interest #1, the sassy, broody Prince Dorian. Perfect in all ways, except for birthright. Could someone like Celeana ever love him? Dun Dun DUnnnnn. Also enter love interest 2, captain of the guard Chaol, the prince's childhood friend, quiet, introverted, job-focused. Doesn't trust her at all, but could she break him down? What will happen if two best friends fall for the same saucy assassin? DUN DUN DUNNNN
So obviously, she accepts, and is taken to the great glass palace to await the competition, where we have a veritable Beauty and the Beast situation, she's provided lavish accommodation, beautiful dresses, and sadly starts to become a Mary Sue. But not quite yet, first, we get some actually really interesting story, hints at the world we're in, going through a once magical forest, with something in the night leaving flowers at the foot of Celeana's bed, hinting at perhaps her lineage being more magical than we think. We also get introduced to the competition, a lineup of stereotypical gruff dudes, with the bad guy being so obvious he might as well as a spotlight on him (unfortunately this book doesn't really have a twist). Also, enter love interest 3? I utilize the question mark because this one isn't really persued, but feels like it's meant to be something. A handsome, young, way too nice unsavory that she aligns herself with. No one knows who she is, and she goes under a pseudonym while in the palace, hoping to make people underestimate her. The first parts of the competition are interesting, the book is actually conscious of how out of shape she'd be, and takes pains to be detailed (sometimes overly detailed, like the page about her period, I'm in no means ashamed of my period, but the page literally did nothing but further the stereotype that we are completely immobile and need a day off while on it. I wish the author impowered Celeana by having her be in pain, but still be a badass).
As the competition progresses, however, competitors begin dying in gruesome ways, that aren't related to the competition. Concern rises, and whispers of the old magic are everywhere. Celeana now needs to survive this competition, survive whatever is killing her competitors, and solve the mystery happening in the castle. Oh and of course, figure out how to go to that ball and which boy she wants.
Unfortunately, after the first competition-related thing, this book started going downhill for me. Gone was this interest main character, and replaced was a stereotypical Mary Sue that forgets she's an assassin a lot. She rarely does anything Assasin like actually, beyond some internal dialogue in which she thinks about assasin things. It goes from describing the competition to suddenly being like "there were two more trials, Celeana rocked them" skipping ahead a glossing over the competition entirely, choosing instead to focus on the growing tension between her and the two boys, and dangling the very obvious bad guy in front of us as if we're going to be ever so surprised when we find out it's exactly who we thought it was. I want those trials, I want to know what happened and see her thoughts, something to remind me she's an assassin and not a giggling school girl more than ready for court life. Having stereotypical scenes of playing Billiards and Dorian holding her to show her how to do it. Don't even get me started on the Billiards, a fantasy book, using freak in billiards, make up a game for goodness sake, but to utilize a surprisingly modern game in a high fantasy setting made me laugh out loud for the wrong reasons. She gets a puppy, that hates everyone but her, befriends a badass princess (the most interesting thing in this book) and fights off some baddies. Too bad most of the focus was on the rushed, completely chemistry-free relationship between her and Dorian, they see each other like 4 times and are willing to give everything up for each other, it's painful. Honestly, even when I let my mind lapse into YA mode and allow myself to enjoy a fun YA romance, this is not how to do it. Also, Team Chaol all the way.
So the competition takes a considerable step back, and so does my interest. I would argue that the concept in this story is solid and interesting, but executed poorly, which is odd because the beginning proves to be the author can write well, it just feels like she second-guessed herself and decided to stop doing an actually interesting story and instead focus on being stereotypically YA. But there are little gems in here, an interesting world is hinted at, likable and interesting characters are glimpsed in the beginning before she lost interest in developing them. An undercurrent of well thought out mystery and magic. But all of these things took a backseat to fulfil the YA formula instead. I'm going to read the next book just to see if this world becomes more of the focus, but if it doesn't I'll have to stop, this series is just way too long to deal with the same formula over and over.
She almost got me, she was so close, I just wish this book had been consistent and focused on the plot. I wish she had let Celeana be the strong character she implied in the beginning rather than a stereotypical YA girl. I get she was fulfilling the life she never had, but in a situation where she needed to really be HER to get her freedom, it just doesn't feel like the appropriate time for wish fulfillment I wish, if there had to be romance, it had more oomf, made me feel things, made me care. Unfortunately, it didn't have these things, so this book was a bit of a flop for me. So I'm hoping, she'll prove me wrong in the second one, and let the story I see she's made and spent loving time on shine, rather than hide it underneath the guaranteed to sell formula plaguing young adult books.
First of all, this was one of my "force myself out of my norm" picks. I forced myself to pick two popular books, that didn't interest me, and give them a chance. This was the biggest "no interest" pick. The cover alone is just so bad I was embarrassed to be buying it at the bookstore by the art school I work at. What if one of my Illustration students see, will I be deemed unworthy to teach them if I buy a book so ugly and anatomically incorrect? Like seriously, why is her torso so long. Is she just insanely tall? Is she hunched or does she have no neck? It's just... awful.
Also, it's a genre I don't gel well with, fantasy just isn't my jam, I get so mad that SciFi is always lumped in with Fantasy. So, the perfect choice I suppose.
When I first started, I texted my partner and told him "holy crap, I actually am enjoying this". I was shocked, surprised. So far the YA darling of a book wasn't stereotypically YA. The main character was deep and interesting and had a thick backstory. Yea they've already introduced two perfectly perfect love interested for her, but whatever, this is actually interesting.
The book follows the acclaimed assassin, Calaena, young, utterly gorgeous and snarky, deadly. In theory a textbook YA heroine. But she is far from a Mary Sue (in the beginning) her backstory is interesting and rich. She's hardened by a year in prison death labor camp. A camp she is offered freedom from if she accepts the Prince's offer; his father wants a "champion" (aka a dubious person to assassinate and otherwise do his dirty work) and she is the Prince's pick. Should she accept, she'll go against other noble's picks and participate in a competition proving their worth. The winner gets freedom and serves as the champion for X amount of years. Losers go back to whatever prison or hole they crawled out of. So while Celeana doesn't much want to be a lackey to some Princeling or King, she doesn't want to go back to the death labor camp either.
So if you can't tell already, enter love interest #1, the sassy, broody Prince Dorian. Perfect in all ways, except for birthright. Could someone like Celeana ever love him? Dun Dun DUnnnnn. Also enter love interest 2, captain of the guard Chaol, the prince's childhood friend, quiet, introverted, job-focused. Doesn't trust her at all, but could she break him down? What will happen if two best friends fall for the same saucy assassin? DUN DUN DUNNNN
So obviously, she accepts, and is taken to the great glass palace to await the competition, where we have a veritable Beauty and the Beast situation, she's provided lavish accommodation, beautiful dresses, and sadly starts to become a Mary Sue. But not quite yet, first, we get some actually really interesting story, hints at the world we're in, going through a once magical forest, with something in the night leaving flowers at the foot of Celeana's bed, hinting at perhaps her lineage being more magical than we think. We also get introduced to the competition, a lineup of stereotypical gruff dudes, with the bad guy being so obvious he might as well as a spotlight on him (unfortunately this book doesn't really have a twist). Also, enter love interest 3? I utilize the question mark because this one isn't really persued, but feels like it's meant to be something. A handsome, young, way too nice unsavory that she aligns herself with. No one knows who she is, and she goes under a pseudonym while in the palace, hoping to make people underestimate her. The first parts of the competition are interesting, the book is actually conscious of how out of shape she'd be, and takes pains to be detailed (sometimes overly detailed, like the page about her period, I'm in no means ashamed of my period, but the page literally did nothing but further the stereotype that we are completely immobile and need a day off while on it. I wish the author impowered Celeana by having her be in pain, but still be a badass).
As the competition progresses, however, competitors begin dying in gruesome ways, that aren't related to the competition. Concern rises, and whispers of the old magic are everywhere. Celeana now needs to survive this competition, survive whatever is killing her competitors, and solve the mystery happening in the castle. Oh and of course, figure out how to go to that ball and which boy she wants.
Unfortunately, after the first competition-related thing, this book started going downhill for me. Gone was this interest main character, and replaced was a stereotypical Mary Sue that forgets she's an assassin a lot. She rarely does anything Assasin like actually, beyond some internal dialogue in which she thinks about assasin things. It goes from describing the competition to suddenly being like "there were two more trials, Celeana rocked them" skipping ahead a glossing over the competition entirely, choosing instead to focus on the growing tension between her and the two boys, and dangling the very obvious bad guy in front of us as if we're going to be ever so surprised when we find out it's exactly who we thought it was. I want those trials, I want to know what happened and see her thoughts, something to remind me she's an assassin and not a giggling school girl more than ready for court life. Having stereotypical scenes of playing Billiards and Dorian holding her to show her how to do it. Don't even get me started on the Billiards, a fantasy book, using freak in billiards, make up a game for goodness sake, but to utilize a surprisingly modern game in a high fantasy setting made me laugh out loud for the wrong reasons. She gets a puppy, that hates everyone but her, befriends a badass princess (the most interesting thing in this book) and fights off some baddies. Too bad most of the focus was on the rushed, completely chemistry-free relationship between her and Dorian, they see each other like 4 times and are willing to give everything up for each other, it's painful. Honestly, even when I let my mind lapse into YA mode and allow myself to enjoy a fun YA romance, this is not how to do it. Also, Team Chaol all the way.
So the competition takes a considerable step back, and so does my interest. I would argue that the concept in this story is solid and interesting, but executed poorly, which is odd because the beginning proves to be the author can write well, it just feels like she second-guessed herself and decided to stop doing an actually interesting story and instead focus on being stereotypically YA. But there are little gems in here, an interesting world is hinted at, likable and interesting characters are glimpsed in the beginning before she lost interest in developing them. An undercurrent of well thought out mystery and magic. But all of these things took a backseat to fulfil the YA formula instead. I'm going to read the next book just to see if this world becomes more of the focus, but if it doesn't I'll have to stop, this series is just way too long to deal with the same formula over and over.
She almost got me, she was so close, I just wish this book had been consistent and focused on the plot. I wish she had let Celeana be the strong character she implied in the beginning rather than a stereotypical YA girl. I get she was fulfilling the life she never had, but in a situation where she needed to really be HER to get her freedom, it just doesn't feel like the appropriate time for wish fulfillment I wish, if there had to be romance, it had more oomf, made me feel things, made me care. Unfortunately, it didn't have these things, so this book was a bit of a flop for me. So I'm hoping, she'll prove me wrong in the second one, and let the story I see she's made and spent loving time on shine, rather than hide it underneath the guaranteed to sell formula plaguing young adult books.
Connor Sheffield (293 KP) rated Assassin's Creed (2016) in Movies
May 4, 2017
Action sequences (4 more)
Cast
Practical and CGI effects
Plot
Highest free fall performed by a stuntman in almost 35 years.
Apple of Eden (1 more)
Not as much Past sequences as I'd like
Nothing is True...
Okay, so I have been a huge fan of the Assassin's Creed franchise since the beginning and have enjoyed, at least to some extent for certain ones, all of the games that have been released thus far. I was so excited for this movie once I heard it was being made and spent the years waiting, worrying. Videogame Movies have had nothing but a bad rep throughout the many years and this was one I was hoping did not fail, or at least not be a failure for me.
To give an example of what I mean, the Prince of Persia film was one I actually really enjoyed but to the world it was a flop and people despise it and dread to talk about it. Yes it's not as great as it could have been but neverless I enjoy what they tried to do with it. This film is both similar and yet different for me, because I didn't enjoy what they tried to do, I enjoyed what they did.
Though many will disagree with me I would like to at least get my view of the film across so that other might understand how someone can enjoy the film. So here it goes;
First of all Michael Fassbender is brilliant as both Callum Lynch and Aguilar de Nerha. As Callum he brilliantly portrays the anger, confusion, intrigue and then of course the characters progression into his focus and his determination to fully understand what it means to be an Assassin, not just in the past but in the present. As Aguilar we watch as Fassbender portrays to us his ancestral character as a much more skilled individual. Someone you can tell has been through years of intense training, has been taught to focus his mind on the task at hand and to understand that nothing is more important than his mission. Even if that means that people, no matter how close they are to him, must not be mourned in death until the mission is complete.
Other cast members such as Jeremy Irons and Marion Cotillard, are brilliant in their roles as their characters each have their own goals, and both require Callum Lynch, so their interactions together are shown in very different ways, although both are sincere.
The action in this movie is brilliant and is almost very reminiscent of the games themselves (the later games in the series at least, since the combat becomes more evolved and fluent compared to the first game/s). The actions of the Assassins such as the air assassination, the free running, the leap of faith and others, are exactly what I wanted to see in this film. The best part about them is that they are practical effects. The cast are actually free running, they are actually fighting, and doing somersaults (with the help of stunt doubles of course) and my favourite, the leap of faith is actually performed using a crane and a crash mat, by British gymnast and free runner Damien Walters. He free falls from the crane lift at 125 feet in the air, and in 3 seconds, he lands on the crash mat. This is actually the highest free fall performed by a stuntman in almost 35 years.
The connections to the games are beautifully blended into this new and refreshing plot that we haven't seen before. Everything from the different Assassin Insignias, to the leap of faith, the weapons, Abstergo Industries, and of course the Piece of Eden, is everything the fans wanted and possibly more. They even included a version of the Bleeding Effect that we haven't seen the likes of before, which I adored.
Probably my only issue with this film is the Apple of Eden, simply because, unlike the game, it doesn't do anything, except glow. The look of it is beautiful, just like all the other props and clothing in this film. However, when the orb is activated, there's simply some lights thrust out of it but it doesn't do anything besides show some pretty lights. In the game it can control minds, even break them and kill, or make someone run away in fear. Besides that, I have no real important issues with the film. The plot is, to me at least, brilliant and whilst there are some minor nit picks here and there, I love this film enough to not let them bother me. I saw this film twice in the cinema and would have gone a third time if I had the chance. Sadly I was too busy.
If you're a fan of the game franchise I highly recommend you give this film a chance. If you don't like it, like most people, then that's fair enough, but as I say about most films such as this, and comic book movies, give them a chance...you never know, you just might like it.
To give an example of what I mean, the Prince of Persia film was one I actually really enjoyed but to the world it was a flop and people despise it and dread to talk about it. Yes it's not as great as it could have been but neverless I enjoy what they tried to do with it. This film is both similar and yet different for me, because I didn't enjoy what they tried to do, I enjoyed what they did.
Though many will disagree with me I would like to at least get my view of the film across so that other might understand how someone can enjoy the film. So here it goes;
First of all Michael Fassbender is brilliant as both Callum Lynch and Aguilar de Nerha. As Callum he brilliantly portrays the anger, confusion, intrigue and then of course the characters progression into his focus and his determination to fully understand what it means to be an Assassin, not just in the past but in the present. As Aguilar we watch as Fassbender portrays to us his ancestral character as a much more skilled individual. Someone you can tell has been through years of intense training, has been taught to focus his mind on the task at hand and to understand that nothing is more important than his mission. Even if that means that people, no matter how close they are to him, must not be mourned in death until the mission is complete.
Other cast members such as Jeremy Irons and Marion Cotillard, are brilliant in their roles as their characters each have their own goals, and both require Callum Lynch, so their interactions together are shown in very different ways, although both are sincere.
The action in this movie is brilliant and is almost very reminiscent of the games themselves (the later games in the series at least, since the combat becomes more evolved and fluent compared to the first game/s). The actions of the Assassins such as the air assassination, the free running, the leap of faith and others, are exactly what I wanted to see in this film. The best part about them is that they are practical effects. The cast are actually free running, they are actually fighting, and doing somersaults (with the help of stunt doubles of course) and my favourite, the leap of faith is actually performed using a crane and a crash mat, by British gymnast and free runner Damien Walters. He free falls from the crane lift at 125 feet in the air, and in 3 seconds, he lands on the crash mat. This is actually the highest free fall performed by a stuntman in almost 35 years.
The connections to the games are beautifully blended into this new and refreshing plot that we haven't seen before. Everything from the different Assassin Insignias, to the leap of faith, the weapons, Abstergo Industries, and of course the Piece of Eden, is everything the fans wanted and possibly more. They even included a version of the Bleeding Effect that we haven't seen the likes of before, which I adored.
Probably my only issue with this film is the Apple of Eden, simply because, unlike the game, it doesn't do anything, except glow. The look of it is beautiful, just like all the other props and clothing in this film. However, when the orb is activated, there's simply some lights thrust out of it but it doesn't do anything besides show some pretty lights. In the game it can control minds, even break them and kill, or make someone run away in fear. Besides that, I have no real important issues with the film. The plot is, to me at least, brilliant and whilst there are some minor nit picks here and there, I love this film enough to not let them bother me. I saw this film twice in the cinema and would have gone a third time if I had the chance. Sadly I was too busy.
If you're a fan of the game franchise I highly recommend you give this film a chance. If you don't like it, like most people, then that's fair enough, but as I say about most films such as this, and comic book movies, give them a chance...you never know, you just might like it.
Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated Witches Gone Wicked in Books
Jun 11, 2019
All Clarissa wants to do is become a powerful witch, learn about her mother, and find her high school sweetheart, Derrick.
But it’s not that simple when she’s all but banned from using her volatile magic, her mother was apparently an evil dictator, and her high school sweetheart was swept away in a tornado. Oh, and she caused the tornado.
But, now that she’s a teacher at Womby’s School for Wayward Witches, she might have a chance to actually become part of the Witchkin community and achieve her goals.
Despite everyone despising her because of her mother, she’s making new friends like Josie, a video-gaming witch who loves all life, and Khaba, a Djinn with a kilt fetish. She’s also getting attention from the very sexy Julien Thistledown.
If only that jerk Felix Thatch would stop patronizing her and let her learn about her mother.
Witches Gone Wicked is essentially Harry Potter fanfiction,which had me skeptical at first, but it was really entertaining at the same time.
Womby’s is the Title I version of Hogwarts. It’s for witchkin too poor to afford other schools as well as ones who were kicked out of other schools. Clarissa, being an art teacher, feels the strain of this with an annual budget of $20. The previous art teacher apparently had the students make mud pie art because of lack of supplies. I really liked the idea of a Title I Hogwarts and found the entire school and the staff really interesting.
Josie and Khaba are really funny and entertaining. Khaba is a bit of a stereotype, but I didn’t mind it that much. Josie was fantastic. Gotta love someone who loves all life and has the guts to treat spiders like puppies.
My favorite character is perhaps Felix Thatch. He’s very sexy and funny and I love almost every scene including him. He’s definitely not a people person by any stretch, but he has a lot of integrity as a teacher and a person that Clarissa just refuses to see.
Clarissa is actually one of my least favorite characters. Her dislike and suspicion of Thatch is near identical to Harry Potter’s dislike of Snape. The only problem is she’s a full-grown woman!
Clarissa has a tendency to blindly trust everyone nice to her, not thinking for a second that anyone has ulterior motives. And she despises Thatch for being brutally honest with her despite proving time and time again that he has integrity as a person and a teacher.
Felix Thatch does the following:
Trains Clarissa to use her magic (granted, the principal ordered him to)
Emphasizes the importance of people wanting to take advantage of her
Makes students write apology letters to her
Lets one of his students read in his classroom during lunchtime
Expresses concern over said student’s habit of hugging male teachers because someone might try to take advantage of her friendly nature.
Meanwhile, Clarissa thinks Thatch:
is secretly trying to kill her
might be trying to enslave her using sex magic
condones student and teacher relationships
It’s completely insane! Hey, who’s the most likely to take advantage of you? Maybe not the guy who keeps warning you about people taking advantage of you.
Clarissa is sometimes funny and relatable. I like how much she cares about her students and her patience with the troublemakers in her class. That’s actually really admirable.
But half the time she’s juvenile and irrational and I just want to shake some sense into her.
She’s the daughter of a powerful witch who apparently terrorized the Witchkin community with evil and forbidden magic. Clarissa never knew her birth mother personally, but she’s treated with suspicion and fear because her mother killed and ruined the lives of basically everyone.
Because of her lineage and her volatile magic, Clarissa is under constant threat of being fired from Womby’s, drained of her magic, and turned into a Morty (Muggle).
So you think she would be really careful, right?
Lol no.
Clarissa goes around saying she wants to be the most powerful witch ever, uses magic when she’s not supposed to, and makes plans to break into the library’s restricted section. It’s a freaking miracle that she didn’t get drained and turned into a Morty.
Here’s another thing: why doesn’t she want to be drained? I really don’t get it. Because of her magic and her mother:
everyone hates her
her sister died
her high school sweetheart blew away in a tornado
Womby’s almost burned down
anyone can turn her into a sex slave
As far as I can tell, there are very few benefits to her having magic and a staggering amount of drawbacks. Call me a defeatist, but if I was Clarissa I would be begging to be drained. Her conviction that magic is her true identity isn’t good enough for me.
All in all, this book is definitely three out of five stars. I enjoyed the worldbuilding and really like Thatch. Some of the magic concepts are surprisingly sexy, which I definitely enjoyed. I just don’t like Clarissa.
But it’s not that simple when she’s all but banned from using her volatile magic, her mother was apparently an evil dictator, and her high school sweetheart was swept away in a tornado. Oh, and she caused the tornado.
But, now that she’s a teacher at Womby’s School for Wayward Witches, she might have a chance to actually become part of the Witchkin community and achieve her goals.
Despite everyone despising her because of her mother, she’s making new friends like Josie, a video-gaming witch who loves all life, and Khaba, a Djinn with a kilt fetish. She’s also getting attention from the very sexy Julien Thistledown.
If only that jerk Felix Thatch would stop patronizing her and let her learn about her mother.
Witches Gone Wicked is essentially Harry Potter fanfiction,which had me skeptical at first, but it was really entertaining at the same time.
Womby’s is the Title I version of Hogwarts. It’s for witchkin too poor to afford other schools as well as ones who were kicked out of other schools. Clarissa, being an art teacher, feels the strain of this with an annual budget of $20. The previous art teacher apparently had the students make mud pie art because of lack of supplies. I really liked the idea of a Title I Hogwarts and found the entire school and the staff really interesting.
Josie and Khaba are really funny and entertaining. Khaba is a bit of a stereotype, but I didn’t mind it that much. Josie was fantastic. Gotta love someone who loves all life and has the guts to treat spiders like puppies.
My favorite character is perhaps Felix Thatch. He’s very sexy and funny and I love almost every scene including him. He’s definitely not a people person by any stretch, but he has a lot of integrity as a teacher and a person that Clarissa just refuses to see.
Clarissa is actually one of my least favorite characters. Her dislike and suspicion of Thatch is near identical to Harry Potter’s dislike of Snape. The only problem is she’s a full-grown woman!
Clarissa has a tendency to blindly trust everyone nice to her, not thinking for a second that anyone has ulterior motives. And she despises Thatch for being brutally honest with her despite proving time and time again that he has integrity as a person and a teacher.
Felix Thatch does the following:
Trains Clarissa to use her magic (granted, the principal ordered him to)
Emphasizes the importance of people wanting to take advantage of her
Makes students write apology letters to her
Lets one of his students read in his classroom during lunchtime
Expresses concern over said student’s habit of hugging male teachers because someone might try to take advantage of her friendly nature.
Meanwhile, Clarissa thinks Thatch:
is secretly trying to kill her
might be trying to enslave her using sex magic
condones student and teacher relationships
It’s completely insane! Hey, who’s the most likely to take advantage of you? Maybe not the guy who keeps warning you about people taking advantage of you.
Clarissa is sometimes funny and relatable. I like how much she cares about her students and her patience with the troublemakers in her class. That’s actually really admirable.
But half the time she’s juvenile and irrational and I just want to shake some sense into her.
She’s the daughter of a powerful witch who apparently terrorized the Witchkin community with evil and forbidden magic. Clarissa never knew her birth mother personally, but she’s treated with suspicion and fear because her mother killed and ruined the lives of basically everyone.
Because of her lineage and her volatile magic, Clarissa is under constant threat of being fired from Womby’s, drained of her magic, and turned into a Morty (Muggle).
So you think she would be really careful, right?
Lol no.
Clarissa goes around saying she wants to be the most powerful witch ever, uses magic when she’s not supposed to, and makes plans to break into the library’s restricted section. It’s a freaking miracle that she didn’t get drained and turned into a Morty.
Here’s another thing: why doesn’t she want to be drained? I really don’t get it. Because of her magic and her mother:
everyone hates her
her sister died
her high school sweetheart blew away in a tornado
Womby’s almost burned down
anyone can turn her into a sex slave
As far as I can tell, there are very few benefits to her having magic and a staggering amount of drawbacks. Call me a defeatist, but if I was Clarissa I would be begging to be drained. Her conviction that magic is her true identity isn’t good enough for me.
All in all, this book is definitely three out of five stars. I enjoyed the worldbuilding and really like Thatch. Some of the magic concepts are surprisingly sexy, which I definitely enjoyed. I just don’t like Clarissa.
Donner Party tale (1 more)
Lots of mystery
Inconsistencies (1 more)
Changes characters referred name too much
Authors Preston and Child did such a great job on 'Old Bones' that once you start reading, you won't be able to put it down.
'Old Bones' follows two women, Nora Kelly and Corrie Swanson, with a small segment following a man named Clive Benton, all of who end up being intertwined within this one novel. The entire story revolves around the dark history of the cannibalistic Donner Party, while bringing in fictitious elements to give the readers a well-rounded adventure.
The story gets rolling after Benton visits Kelly with a historical diary that belonged to a member of the Donner Party- - - Kelly is a well-known archaeologist, while Benton is an accredited historian - - - Benton tells Kelly that the journal revealed a lost camp which had never been discovered by anyone, and that this camp could be one of the biggest archaeological finds of the century. While Kelly has to convince the director of the Archaeology Institute to fund the expedition, Benton springs on her and the director that there is a possibility of twenty million dollars worth of gold coins that belonged to a member of the Donner Party could still be located at this lost camp, and, of course, the director quickly agrees to fund the expedition.
Before this, I have never read a book by Preston and Child, but after reading 'Old Bones,' I am anxious to read their other works. The writing is fluid, and keeps the pace going quite well, and the transition between the two main characters is done flawlessly without any confusion as to whose view point you are viewing. The fictitious take on the historical Donner Party is done masterfully enough that even I had to go back to actual historic documents to see what was true and what was not. In one book, readers get dark history, paranormal elements, archaeology, thriller moments, mystery and suspense.
Although the story is a well-written one, there is one scene that could have had great potential, but nothing ever came of it: "Taking a few more steps, she passed through a particularly dense stand of trees and suddenly emerged into a roughly circular clearing. Odd: there was no reason for a break like this in such thick forest. She shone her light around, but there was nothing: just a soft bed of green moss, undisturbed by tracks, and a few scattered boulders." The way this scene is written leaves readers to believe that this may be important later on, but the area is unfortunately never mentioned again.
The story brings FBI agent Swanson into the lives of Benton and Kelly after a string of grave robberies and one presumed murder takes place; the former and latter have one thing in common: they are descendants of a member belonging to the Donner Party.
" 'So where do we fit into this?' asked Nora.
'The commonality I referred to. All four individuals were descended from a single person: a man named Parkin.'
Nora saw Clive start in surprise. 'Albert Parkin?' he asked. 'Of the Donner Party?'
'Exactly. And I've been led to understand he's one of the individuals in the camp you're excavating.' " Agent Swanson isn't exactly welcomed with open arms at the expedition.
The amount of archaeological understanding that was put into this novel is astounding. Preston and Child relay a lot of terms and devices used in the career field such as when Benton uses a bamboo pick to loosen the surface of a quad area and a whisk to gently work dirt away from findings. But this story isn't all archaeological terms, there's also a lot of great development among the characters.
These characters are written differently just enough that the reader should be able to tell them apart easily. Kelly is a leading archaeologist, who has led many different expeditions, but she is also still dealing with the grief of losing her husband years before. Benton is a historian that is a descendant of a member belonging to the Donner Party,and Swanson is a junior FBI agent that is eager to work on her first active case. Even minor characters are distinct among themselves.
Yet, the story is not flawless, there are quite a few inconsistencies, but the major problem I have found with the novel is the changing of characters' names in which they are addressed by. One scene, Nora would be referred to as Kelly - her last name - then more than usually the next paragraph, she would be called Nora. This happens with the main characters too often than it should, that it can confuse the reader and upset the flow of the story itself.
And unfortunately, the paranormal and horror elements are few and far between. We get an amazing retelling of the Donner Party tragedy not once, but throughout the story, reliving the cannibalism that took place, as well as the fictional element of gold leading to murder:
" 'Then you'll recall that when Wolfinger's wagon became stuck while crossing the Great Salt Lake Desert, two men - - - Reinhardt and Spitzer- - - volunteered to go back and help dig it out. Those two men returned, claiming Indians had killed Wolfinger.'
' Yes, yes, ' Dr. Fugit said, concealing a growing impatience.
'Well, that was a lie. Even at the time the members of the party were suspicious that something untoward had happened to Wolfinger. Reinhardt and Spitzer were viewed with a great deal if suspicion, and the two men afterwards kept to themselves and were somewhat ostracized by the rest. When Reinhardt was dying of starvation in the Lost Camp, he made a deathbed confession: Wolfinger had not been killed by Indians. Reinhardt and Spitzer had gone back, murdered Wolfinger, and taken his gold.' He paused. ' This information has been known to historians for over a century, but nobody, incredibly enough, thought to ask the next question: what happened to the gold? ' "
I highly recommend this book to fans of Thomas Harris; the writing is very similar and the character Swanson reminds me a lot of Harris' character Clarice Starling (refer to 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Hannibal'). I also recommend this book to anyone who enjoys history, especially that of dark history, such as the Donner Party tale.
'Old Bones' follows two women, Nora Kelly and Corrie Swanson, with a small segment following a man named Clive Benton, all of who end up being intertwined within this one novel. The entire story revolves around the dark history of the cannibalistic Donner Party, while bringing in fictitious elements to give the readers a well-rounded adventure.
The story gets rolling after Benton visits Kelly with a historical diary that belonged to a member of the Donner Party- - - Kelly is a well-known archaeologist, while Benton is an accredited historian - - - Benton tells Kelly that the journal revealed a lost camp which had never been discovered by anyone, and that this camp could be one of the biggest archaeological finds of the century. While Kelly has to convince the director of the Archaeology Institute to fund the expedition, Benton springs on her and the director that there is a possibility of twenty million dollars worth of gold coins that belonged to a member of the Donner Party could still be located at this lost camp, and, of course, the director quickly agrees to fund the expedition.
Before this, I have never read a book by Preston and Child, but after reading 'Old Bones,' I am anxious to read their other works. The writing is fluid, and keeps the pace going quite well, and the transition between the two main characters is done flawlessly without any confusion as to whose view point you are viewing. The fictitious take on the historical Donner Party is done masterfully enough that even I had to go back to actual historic documents to see what was true and what was not. In one book, readers get dark history, paranormal elements, archaeology, thriller moments, mystery and suspense.
Although the story is a well-written one, there is one scene that could have had great potential, but nothing ever came of it: "Taking a few more steps, she passed through a particularly dense stand of trees and suddenly emerged into a roughly circular clearing. Odd: there was no reason for a break like this in such thick forest. She shone her light around, but there was nothing: just a soft bed of green moss, undisturbed by tracks, and a few scattered boulders." The way this scene is written leaves readers to believe that this may be important later on, but the area is unfortunately never mentioned again.
The story brings FBI agent Swanson into the lives of Benton and Kelly after a string of grave robberies and one presumed murder takes place; the former and latter have one thing in common: they are descendants of a member belonging to the Donner Party.
" 'So where do we fit into this?' asked Nora.
'The commonality I referred to. All four individuals were descended from a single person: a man named Parkin.'
Nora saw Clive start in surprise. 'Albert Parkin?' he asked. 'Of the Donner Party?'
'Exactly. And I've been led to understand he's one of the individuals in the camp you're excavating.' " Agent Swanson isn't exactly welcomed with open arms at the expedition.
The amount of archaeological understanding that was put into this novel is astounding. Preston and Child relay a lot of terms and devices used in the career field such as when Benton uses a bamboo pick to loosen the surface of a quad area and a whisk to gently work dirt away from findings. But this story isn't all archaeological terms, there's also a lot of great development among the characters.
These characters are written differently just enough that the reader should be able to tell them apart easily. Kelly is a leading archaeologist, who has led many different expeditions, but she is also still dealing with the grief of losing her husband years before. Benton is a historian that is a descendant of a member belonging to the Donner Party,and Swanson is a junior FBI agent that is eager to work on her first active case. Even minor characters are distinct among themselves.
Yet, the story is not flawless, there are quite a few inconsistencies, but the major problem I have found with the novel is the changing of characters' names in which they are addressed by. One scene, Nora would be referred to as Kelly - her last name - then more than usually the next paragraph, she would be called Nora. This happens with the main characters too often than it should, that it can confuse the reader and upset the flow of the story itself.
And unfortunately, the paranormal and horror elements are few and far between. We get an amazing retelling of the Donner Party tragedy not once, but throughout the story, reliving the cannibalism that took place, as well as the fictional element of gold leading to murder:
" 'Then you'll recall that when Wolfinger's wagon became stuck while crossing the Great Salt Lake Desert, two men - - - Reinhardt and Spitzer- - - volunteered to go back and help dig it out. Those two men returned, claiming Indians had killed Wolfinger.'
' Yes, yes, ' Dr. Fugit said, concealing a growing impatience.
'Well, that was a lie. Even at the time the members of the party were suspicious that something untoward had happened to Wolfinger. Reinhardt and Spitzer were viewed with a great deal if suspicion, and the two men afterwards kept to themselves and were somewhat ostracized by the rest. When Reinhardt was dying of starvation in the Lost Camp, he made a deathbed confession: Wolfinger had not been killed by Indians. Reinhardt and Spitzer had gone back, murdered Wolfinger, and taken his gold.' He paused. ' This information has been known to historians for over a century, but nobody, incredibly enough, thought to ask the next question: what happened to the gold? ' "
I highly recommend this book to fans of Thomas Harris; the writing is very similar and the character Swanson reminds me a lot of Harris' character Clarice Starling (refer to 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Hannibal'). I also recommend this book to anyone who enjoys history, especially that of dark history, such as the Donner Party tale.
Versusyours (757 KP) rated Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) in Movies
Dec 30, 2019 (Updated Dec 30, 2019)
Another film ruined by Endgame's splendour
Contains spoilers, click to show
The Rise of Skywalker
Some endings are welcomed whilst others are heart-breaking and sudden, then there is this movie that closes a curtain that’s older than my very bones. In the time from 1977 there has been highs, lows and Jar Jar Binks a plenty and lots and lots of toys, lunchboxes and soap sets in all shapes of droids. The film itself opens and quickly reintroduces all the main characters and sets up the plot lines for each person and they embark on a path that is destined for them all to meet later. Kylo Ren is on a solo Gooniesesque mission to retrieve something darker than One Eyed Willies rich stuff with the aid of a Toblerone shaped virtual map. Helmetless and emotionless he encounters the Emperor you in fact is not dead but just chilling out with many engineers, Sith corpses and a big evil throne that he may use to do dark side Sudoku. Kylo Ren must kill Rey and then he and Palpatine might both crack a smile and take turns on the evil throne as all powerful rulers.
Is it a bird? Is it plane? Well its half bird in name alone it’s the Millennium Falcon doing what it does best and being chased and escaping for the numerous time but this time they are light speed jumping even though they are told not to, naughty naughty. Po and Finn get some gossip and head to the planet the Rebels are all hiding on to share their news. Enter the heroine its Rey in a new outfit and floating up high but failing to entice the Jedi spirits to appear but why would they this early on in a film. The hero’s all use the gossip from the Empire spy and Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, BB-8, and C-3PO depart in the Millennium Falcon. Space trip!!!
They head for a Space desert that is like Mardi Gras with sand, it’s so lucky that these sandy terrains are common in space like they are common on Earth as Star Wars loves these arid landscapes. They get into a scrape as they always seem to do but with Stormtroopers being inept and despite being airborne, they now fail on both land and air to do anything other than being a source for explosions. C3-PO finally gets the chance to be of actual use but in his golden and splendid way he is unable to translate a Sith message orally and it remains unheard and unseen in his memory banks. Kylo Ren mentally Skype calls Rey and she forgets to turn off her location settings and he turns up. In the ensuing melee Rey turns up the bad ass levels and destroys an Empire ship containing the Wookie we all fell in love with Chewbacca. In a big fiery furball of fire he is gone, Rey is beside herself with regret and they all escape on board Not the Millennium Falcon. Another planet another mission to add to the collection sees the group hoping to find a brain surgeon to extract the Sith message from C3-PO. On planet Jim Henson we see a large collection of weird and wonderful puppets and cosplay experts. The downside of the brain surgery is it will format C3-PO to the factory settings so he can learn to be annoying to everyone all over again. A little shaved Mogwai turns out to be the master surgeon and he completes the job easily enough and they retrieve the message, but the worst fears are realised as C3-PO remembers no one.
From the furry flames Chewbacca, we find out is not dead but merely being pampered in the Empires many hair and nail bars. Sensing this fashion disaster waiting to happen Rey organises a rescue mission and they break into the Star Destroyer with relative ease until Poe, Finn are caught and assigned to death. Rey is on her own mission and breaks into Kylo Ren’s bachelor pad and has a look around and gets the Sith dagger and another Skype call from Kylo Ren is taken where he tells her some missing parts of her childhood and about her true lineage as a pesky Palpatine. The age-old Star Wars family is not who you think it is trope is wheeled out once more. Learning from her previous failures of her location services she refuses to tell Kylo but when the melted helmet of the original absent father Darth Vader falls at Kylo’s feet he knows she is in his room. Enraged in case he left any interspace porn lying around his room he quickly makes a run for his awesome ship.
With certain execution facing Poe, Finn and the now unlucky Chewie and the blasters set to wipe them out General Hux turns Rouge One and saves the heroes at the last second. With his turncoat and spy status ensured he shows his true childish colours and he wants Kylo Ren to lose because he has longer and hair on the darker side of black (maybe). Before allowing them to escape he asked for a blaster wound to give his story of them overpowering the guards some weight, surely a fool proof plan with your boss being able to mind read. He takes a blaster to the knee before hobbling to explain himself before being shot as the traitorous Rebel scum he is. If only he had lived long enough, he may have seen his wish come true. They well-travelled hero’s travel to space Astoria for another Goonies part of the quest where they see the remnants of the second Death Star and use the dagger doubloon to perfectly line up where the way finder is located. A big source of luck as the waves that engulf the planet and are crashing all around the wreck of the Deathstar have avoided any damage over the years. It’s deemed impossible to traverse the giant waves until morning but when Rey sees her opportunity she sails over the waves with relative ease while the rest of the heroes are chatting to a local about zero hour Strom trooper contracts and a lack of a good sickness benefit policy. As Rey makes it to the wreckage, she is met with Kylo Ren and they have a lightsaber battle after he smashes the way finder and asks her to join him in getting rid of Papa Palpatine and being the Sith power couple. Kylo seems to be building up the anger in Rey and trying to temp her to give in to her rage. Some great action shots and some force leaps make this a memorable fight scene until Leia ‘force times’ Kylo distracting him enough for Rey to become the victor. This is the last stand for Leia as she gives up the ghost and therefore becomes one of those ghost Jedi figures. With a sudden change of heart and with the wound barely open Rey uses her force healing abilities to fill Kylo’s hole right up before stealing his ship and leaving him stranded on Goonieland. With all this free time Kylo throws away his lightsaber and becomes Ben Solo once more and squeezes in a catch up with his old dad Han in dreamworld or memoryland.
Rey is now on a mission to destroy the Sith and the Emperor on the hidden planet now she has the map but only after setting Kylo’s sweet spaceship on fire and then realising her error. This impulsive nature may be leading to the dark side!! She heads to Exegol the Sith planet just as Palpatine is setting his sights on getting on with ending the Rebellion once and for all. If a job is worth doing its worth doing it yourself and orders the destruction of planet by a weapon that’s on each Star Destroyer. When Rey catches up with the Emperor, he is happy to see her and he invites her to strike him down, probably to become more powerful than we can imagine. Rey leaves a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs and she is followed by the resistance and they have a plan to take on the Final Order by destroying a central communication tower, so again a rather simple way to stop some heavy duty weaponry; the old classics are the best!!! It becomes a bit Star Wars of the Rings with space horses appearing and galloping to the rescue, not since the ill-fated days of the Phantom Menace has wildlife shocked me in such a manner. Back to the will she, won’t she, Rey and the Emperor are still wanting different things and Palpatine has invited the ghosts of Sith past to witness his greatest triumph. Rey has a choice of lightsaber’s due to Leia giving her an extra, maybe there was a reason for this!! Oh, wait Ben Solo has arrived lightsaberless what a stroke of luck!! Palpatine has had enough and he decides to drain both the Jedi’s of their life force and levels ups and gets back to rage mode and gets his lightning on. He dispatches Ben and then takes out the full resistance fleet with an impressive lightning show. Rey in her weakened state finally perfects the connection with the Jedi spirits that she failed at early in the film. Armed with the x-factor of crossed lightsabers she pushes the Emperor back and turns his own electricity and his face is melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Ben then comes back into the mix and repays the force healing from earlier and gives Rey the gift of life followed by a kiss. This is a kiss of death literally and he fades away into nothingness. In scenes not seen since the Avengers help arrives when all hope is gone, and the fight is won by the good guys again.
I felt that this film was too fast paced and had too many storylines that were quickly explored and this was at a detriment to what could have been. Maybe on repeat viewing there will be the chance to slow down and explore the potential of the film. Some scenes were for the older generation and some were for the newbies to the galaxy far, far away and this again was at a cost to the whole experience. This all being said the watch was enjoyable and had its genuine emotional moments and humour was used to break the tension at times with C3-PO having a few choice lines for once.
Some endings are welcomed whilst others are heart-breaking and sudden, then there is this movie that closes a curtain that’s older than my very bones. In the time from 1977 there has been highs, lows and Jar Jar Binks a plenty and lots and lots of toys, lunchboxes and soap sets in all shapes of droids. The film itself opens and quickly reintroduces all the main characters and sets up the plot lines for each person and they embark on a path that is destined for them all to meet later. Kylo Ren is on a solo Gooniesesque mission to retrieve something darker than One Eyed Willies rich stuff with the aid of a Toblerone shaped virtual map. Helmetless and emotionless he encounters the Emperor you in fact is not dead but just chilling out with many engineers, Sith corpses and a big evil throne that he may use to do dark side Sudoku. Kylo Ren must kill Rey and then he and Palpatine might both crack a smile and take turns on the evil throne as all powerful rulers.
Is it a bird? Is it plane? Well its half bird in name alone it’s the Millennium Falcon doing what it does best and being chased and escaping for the numerous time but this time they are light speed jumping even though they are told not to, naughty naughty. Po and Finn get some gossip and head to the planet the Rebels are all hiding on to share their news. Enter the heroine its Rey in a new outfit and floating up high but failing to entice the Jedi spirits to appear but why would they this early on in a film. The hero’s all use the gossip from the Empire spy and Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, BB-8, and C-3PO depart in the Millennium Falcon. Space trip!!!
They head for a Space desert that is like Mardi Gras with sand, it’s so lucky that these sandy terrains are common in space like they are common on Earth as Star Wars loves these arid landscapes. They get into a scrape as they always seem to do but with Stormtroopers being inept and despite being airborne, they now fail on both land and air to do anything other than being a source for explosions. C3-PO finally gets the chance to be of actual use but in his golden and splendid way he is unable to translate a Sith message orally and it remains unheard and unseen in his memory banks. Kylo Ren mentally Skype calls Rey and she forgets to turn off her location settings and he turns up. In the ensuing melee Rey turns up the bad ass levels and destroys an Empire ship containing the Wookie we all fell in love with Chewbacca. In a big fiery furball of fire he is gone, Rey is beside herself with regret and they all escape on board Not the Millennium Falcon. Another planet another mission to add to the collection sees the group hoping to find a brain surgeon to extract the Sith message from C3-PO. On planet Jim Henson we see a large collection of weird and wonderful puppets and cosplay experts. The downside of the brain surgery is it will format C3-PO to the factory settings so he can learn to be annoying to everyone all over again. A little shaved Mogwai turns out to be the master surgeon and he completes the job easily enough and they retrieve the message, but the worst fears are realised as C3-PO remembers no one.
From the furry flames Chewbacca, we find out is not dead but merely being pampered in the Empires many hair and nail bars. Sensing this fashion disaster waiting to happen Rey organises a rescue mission and they break into the Star Destroyer with relative ease until Poe, Finn are caught and assigned to death. Rey is on her own mission and breaks into Kylo Ren’s bachelor pad and has a look around and gets the Sith dagger and another Skype call from Kylo Ren is taken where he tells her some missing parts of her childhood and about her true lineage as a pesky Palpatine. The age-old Star Wars family is not who you think it is trope is wheeled out once more. Learning from her previous failures of her location services she refuses to tell Kylo but when the melted helmet of the original absent father Darth Vader falls at Kylo’s feet he knows she is in his room. Enraged in case he left any interspace porn lying around his room he quickly makes a run for his awesome ship.
With certain execution facing Poe, Finn and the now unlucky Chewie and the blasters set to wipe them out General Hux turns Rouge One and saves the heroes at the last second. With his turncoat and spy status ensured he shows his true childish colours and he wants Kylo Ren to lose because he has longer and hair on the darker side of black (maybe). Before allowing them to escape he asked for a blaster wound to give his story of them overpowering the guards some weight, surely a fool proof plan with your boss being able to mind read. He takes a blaster to the knee before hobbling to explain himself before being shot as the traitorous Rebel scum he is. If only he had lived long enough, he may have seen his wish come true. They well-travelled hero’s travel to space Astoria for another Goonies part of the quest where they see the remnants of the second Death Star and use the dagger doubloon to perfectly line up where the way finder is located. A big source of luck as the waves that engulf the planet and are crashing all around the wreck of the Deathstar have avoided any damage over the years. It’s deemed impossible to traverse the giant waves until morning but when Rey sees her opportunity she sails over the waves with relative ease while the rest of the heroes are chatting to a local about zero hour Strom trooper contracts and a lack of a good sickness benefit policy. As Rey makes it to the wreckage, she is met with Kylo Ren and they have a lightsaber battle after he smashes the way finder and asks her to join him in getting rid of Papa Palpatine and being the Sith power couple. Kylo seems to be building up the anger in Rey and trying to temp her to give in to her rage. Some great action shots and some force leaps make this a memorable fight scene until Leia ‘force times’ Kylo distracting him enough for Rey to become the victor. This is the last stand for Leia as she gives up the ghost and therefore becomes one of those ghost Jedi figures. With a sudden change of heart and with the wound barely open Rey uses her force healing abilities to fill Kylo’s hole right up before stealing his ship and leaving him stranded on Goonieland. With all this free time Kylo throws away his lightsaber and becomes Ben Solo once more and squeezes in a catch up with his old dad Han in dreamworld or memoryland.
Rey is now on a mission to destroy the Sith and the Emperor on the hidden planet now she has the map but only after setting Kylo’s sweet spaceship on fire and then realising her error. This impulsive nature may be leading to the dark side!! She heads to Exegol the Sith planet just as Palpatine is setting his sights on getting on with ending the Rebellion once and for all. If a job is worth doing its worth doing it yourself and orders the destruction of planet by a weapon that’s on each Star Destroyer. When Rey catches up with the Emperor, he is happy to see her and he invites her to strike him down, probably to become more powerful than we can imagine. Rey leaves a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs and she is followed by the resistance and they have a plan to take on the Final Order by destroying a central communication tower, so again a rather simple way to stop some heavy duty weaponry; the old classics are the best!!! It becomes a bit Star Wars of the Rings with space horses appearing and galloping to the rescue, not since the ill-fated days of the Phantom Menace has wildlife shocked me in such a manner. Back to the will she, won’t she, Rey and the Emperor are still wanting different things and Palpatine has invited the ghosts of Sith past to witness his greatest triumph. Rey has a choice of lightsaber’s due to Leia giving her an extra, maybe there was a reason for this!! Oh, wait Ben Solo has arrived lightsaberless what a stroke of luck!! Palpatine has had enough and he decides to drain both the Jedi’s of their life force and levels ups and gets back to rage mode and gets his lightning on. He dispatches Ben and then takes out the full resistance fleet with an impressive lightning show. Rey in her weakened state finally perfects the connection with the Jedi spirits that she failed at early in the film. Armed with the x-factor of crossed lightsabers she pushes the Emperor back and turns his own electricity and his face is melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Ben then comes back into the mix and repays the force healing from earlier and gives Rey the gift of life followed by a kiss. This is a kiss of death literally and he fades away into nothingness. In scenes not seen since the Avengers help arrives when all hope is gone, and the fight is won by the good guys again.
I felt that this film was too fast paced and had too many storylines that were quickly explored and this was at a detriment to what could have been. Maybe on repeat viewing there will be the chance to slow down and explore the potential of the film. Some scenes were for the older generation and some were for the newbies to the galaxy far, far away and this again was at a cost to the whole experience. This all being said the watch was enjoyable and had its genuine emotional moments and humour was used to break the tension at times with C3-PO having a few choice lines for once.
Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) rated Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain in Video Games
Nov 2, 2017 (Updated Nov 2, 2017)
Gameplay (1 more)
Graphics
Characters (1 more)
Twist ending
A Review By A Disappointed Long Time Fan
Before this game was released, I was certain that it was going to be my Game Of The Year for 2015, and in a lot of ways it is a worthy contender. As an open world stealth game, it is groundbreaking. The gameplay is some of the best I’ve ever seen, the controls feel tight, the underlying systems and features, (such as reflex mode and the buddy system,) are solid and the AI is responsive and fair. This is KojiPro’s first attempt at an open world game, and as far as first attempts go, this is ‘pretty good.’ The world is breathtaking as well, the graphics that the Fox engine can produce are stunning in every way, the world feels alive, with both enemies and wildlife, the textures, the particle systems, the gun models, every visual in this game has been created with an insane amount of attention to detail and all of it really pays off. I experienced little to no glitches while making my way through the single player campaign and the presentation overall is great. Motherbase is also awesome, you genuinely feel as if you are assembling an army and even though the Fulton is daft, it is a nice touch. And the amount of variety this game provides is vast, you can take 4 different buddies with you, each with unique skills, you can infiltrate in the morning or at night, you can choose your guns and customise them to suit, you can also customise your buddy’s gear, your helicopter and to a small extent Motherbase too, although that could have went deeper. Now, if that is all that you are looking for, then seriously, stop reading this review right now and go buy the game, you will love it and there is so much to do, I sank a good 75+ hours into this game and my overall completion rate is still only at 75%. If however, like me, you are looking for something more than just great gameplay, you will be left feeling as empty as I do. Like I keep reiterating, the gameplay is phenomenal, but that’s the problem, I have never played MGS for the gameplay. It wasn’t the gameplay that made me fall in love with the series growing up and if anything you would always suffer through the stiff gameplay in order to experience the deep and complex story and that was okay, because it would always be so worth it. This game throws all of that out of the window.
The way that this game is structured is awful. You play a few main missions in a row, the story is beginning to hook you, but then OCD kicks in and you realise that you have 4 or 5 side missions building up to be completed, so you go and do them, but then you come back to the main story and forget what was going on in the last mission, but who cares when you can Fulton a goat, right?
The writing in this game is possibly the laziest it’s ever been, one example of this is the ‘controversial’ character known as Quiet. This character has been masterly debated over a lot (see what I did there?) and thrown more gasoline on the fire that is the over-sexualisation of women in video games. My stance on it is somewhere in between, the reason for her lack of clothes and speech is silly, however she is running around Afghanistan and Africa, which are very hot countries, so really they could have put her in a bikini top and a pair of cargo pants and I doubt anyone would have batted an eyelid. Now, the Metal Gear series has always been known for its odd Japanese perviness, but when it is a main character that has been sexualised, it’s always been for a justified narrative reason, such as EVA in MGS3 walking about with the front of her jacket unzipped showing off her bikini clad chest, but the whole point of her mission in that game, was to seduce Snake, so it made sense within the context of the story, in this game the reason for Quiet’s over exposure is much lazier and feels tacked on as a cheap excuse.
The worst part about all of this is the fact that, this is it, Kojima’s definite last Metal Gear game, there is no going back to redeem anything, like in MGS2 when everyone hated it, but because 4 solved some of the problems that were created in 2 people are now okay with 2, that can’t happen with this game because Kojima and Konami are no more. Now I could write a whole other paper on Konami vs Kojima and my stance on it but this is the jist, Kojima was spending too much money and taking too much time with this game, Konami demanded he finish it so they can make their money and add their microtransaction’s etc Kojima told them where they can stick it and the partnership was dead. This has had an effect on the game, there is clearly content missing, Konami has confirmed that at least one mission was cut, where Snake would have went to Africa to have another battle with Eli and Sahalanthropus, which is the Metal Gear in this game, which is unacceptable really. Also, I assume there was a lot of other content that was cut that we weren’t told about. Sahalanthropus is another problem I have, how is it that this Metal Gear created in the 80’s is more advanced than REX, which was created in the early 2000’s. Also, when you fight Sahalanthropus, there is no one in the thing, it is an empty robot being controlled by Mantis, who floats beside the giant mech. That is actually a decent metaphor for the lack of villains in this game. Skull Face is hardly in the game and his eventual death, like every other significant event in this game, just kind of happens with no build up and packing little punch. The team of bosses in the original Metal Gear, headed up by Liquid and Ocelot, were probably the best team of villains in any game ever, since then the bosses have gone slowly downhill. The Sons of Big Boss were great, Dead Cell were pretty cool, The Cobras were okay, The Beauty & The Beast Corps were pretty lame and The Skulls in this game are emotionless zombies who don’t even have individual names and Skull Face is such a disappointing antagonist, he is hardly in the main game and then he shows up at the end, gives some silly speech that we have heard before in the trailers and then just dies, no boss fight or anything. Also, no customisable Metal Gear, which I feel like is a huge missed opportunity and no Sims like Motherbase customisation, interior or exterior.
David Hayter was missed in this game, Keifer was fine on the rare occasion he did speak, but the phantom Snake twist was the perfect opportunity to reintroduce Hayter’s voice and they didn’t take it. Also no Campbell or EVA, not even a reference. And it is never explained why the last time we see the real Big Boss, he is rescuing a child and a young girl and the next time we see him he has become modern day Hitler. Ultimately, this game just makes me sad, it is hard not to focus on the fallout from the Konima debacle, P.T/Silent Hills is no more, that promisingly terrifying demo we were teased with will amount to nothing and this game is all we will ever get again in terms of the Metal Gear saga. This is the end of an era, and it’s an end that doesn’t sit perfectly with me.
The way that this game is structured is awful. You play a few main missions in a row, the story is beginning to hook you, but then OCD kicks in and you realise that you have 4 or 5 side missions building up to be completed, so you go and do them, but then you come back to the main story and forget what was going on in the last mission, but who cares when you can Fulton a goat, right?
The writing in this game is possibly the laziest it’s ever been, one example of this is the ‘controversial’ character known as Quiet. This character has been masterly debated over a lot (see what I did there?) and thrown more gasoline on the fire that is the over-sexualisation of women in video games. My stance on it is somewhere in between, the reason for her lack of clothes and speech is silly, however she is running around Afghanistan and Africa, which are very hot countries, so really they could have put her in a bikini top and a pair of cargo pants and I doubt anyone would have batted an eyelid. Now, the Metal Gear series has always been known for its odd Japanese perviness, but when it is a main character that has been sexualised, it’s always been for a justified narrative reason, such as EVA in MGS3 walking about with the front of her jacket unzipped showing off her bikini clad chest, but the whole point of her mission in that game, was to seduce Snake, so it made sense within the context of the story, in this game the reason for Quiet’s over exposure is much lazier and feels tacked on as a cheap excuse.
The worst part about all of this is the fact that, this is it, Kojima’s definite last Metal Gear game, there is no going back to redeem anything, like in MGS2 when everyone hated it, but because 4 solved some of the problems that were created in 2 people are now okay with 2, that can’t happen with this game because Kojima and Konami are no more. Now I could write a whole other paper on Konami vs Kojima and my stance on it but this is the jist, Kojima was spending too much money and taking too much time with this game, Konami demanded he finish it so they can make their money and add their microtransaction’s etc Kojima told them where they can stick it and the partnership was dead. This has had an effect on the game, there is clearly content missing, Konami has confirmed that at least one mission was cut, where Snake would have went to Africa to have another battle with Eli and Sahalanthropus, which is the Metal Gear in this game, which is unacceptable really. Also, I assume there was a lot of other content that was cut that we weren’t told about. Sahalanthropus is another problem I have, how is it that this Metal Gear created in the 80’s is more advanced than REX, which was created in the early 2000’s. Also, when you fight Sahalanthropus, there is no one in the thing, it is an empty robot being controlled by Mantis, who floats beside the giant mech. That is actually a decent metaphor for the lack of villains in this game. Skull Face is hardly in the game and his eventual death, like every other significant event in this game, just kind of happens with no build up and packing little punch. The team of bosses in the original Metal Gear, headed up by Liquid and Ocelot, were probably the best team of villains in any game ever, since then the bosses have gone slowly downhill. The Sons of Big Boss were great, Dead Cell were pretty cool, The Cobras were okay, The Beauty & The Beast Corps were pretty lame and The Skulls in this game are emotionless zombies who don’t even have individual names and Skull Face is such a disappointing antagonist, he is hardly in the main game and then he shows up at the end, gives some silly speech that we have heard before in the trailers and then just dies, no boss fight or anything. Also, no customisable Metal Gear, which I feel like is a huge missed opportunity and no Sims like Motherbase customisation, interior or exterior.
David Hayter was missed in this game, Keifer was fine on the rare occasion he did speak, but the phantom Snake twist was the perfect opportunity to reintroduce Hayter’s voice and they didn’t take it. Also no Campbell or EVA, not even a reference. And it is never explained why the last time we see the real Big Boss, he is rescuing a child and a young girl and the next time we see him he has become modern day Hitler. Ultimately, this game just makes me sad, it is hard not to focus on the fallout from the Konima debacle, P.T/Silent Hills is no more, that promisingly terrifying demo we were teased with will amount to nothing and this game is all we will ever get again in terms of the Metal Gear saga. This is the end of an era, and it’s an end that doesn’t sit perfectly with me.