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Nikki Pugh (2 KP) rated Murder on the Orient Express (2017) in Movies
Nov 19, 2017
Beautiful cinematography
Stellar cast from diverse backgrounds really added depth to the characters and pulled together to breathe new life into an already very familiar story.
Kenneth Branagh did an excellent turn as director for this film with beautiful scenery shots and tight edits.
His Piorrot was unexpectedly excellent (David Sachet has spoiled me for all other Piorrot), offering a very human take on the detective without losing any of his steel.
If I had one criticism, the film felt very long and slightly laboured, but overall was a stunning film.
Kenneth Branagh did an excellent turn as director for this film with beautiful scenery shots and tight edits.
His Piorrot was unexpectedly excellent (David Sachet has spoiled me for all other Piorrot), offering a very human take on the detective without losing any of his steel.
If I had one criticism, the film felt very long and slightly laboured, but overall was a stunning film.
Movie Metropolis (309 KP) rated Thor: The Dark World (2013) in Movies
Jun 10, 2019
The departure of Kenneth Branagh and the subsequent trouble finding a director landed Thor: The Dark World in hot water before filming had even commenced. Helmed by Alan Taylor who went on to direct Terminator Genisys (oh dear), Thor: The Dark World is one of the weakest films in the entire MCU.
Plagued by a dull script and another phoned-in performance by Natalie Portman, it lacks the humour and sheer sense of madness that the god of thunder’s story requires. Christopher Eccleston also wins the prize for the MCU’s very worst villain – Malekith. May god help us all.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/04/21/the-entire-marvel-cinematic-universe-ranked/
Plagued by a dull script and another phoned-in performance by Natalie Portman, it lacks the humour and sheer sense of madness that the god of thunder’s story requires. Christopher Eccleston also wins the prize for the MCU’s very worst villain – Malekith. May god help us all.
https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/04/21/the-entire-marvel-cinematic-universe-ranked/
BankofMarquis (1832 KP) rated A haunting in Venice (2023) in Movies
Sep 30, 2023
Well Crafted
Famed Agatha Christie Belgian Sleuth Hercule Poirot is a familiar figure on the screen - both large and small. He has been played numerous times by numerous performers, each one riffing on the famed mustached Detective and his “little grey cells” and and any performer who takes on this character must bear the weight of those who played the role before him.
In A HAUNTING IN VENICE, Kenneth Branagh’s 3rd go around as Poirot, Branagh has finally shaken off the Ghosts of Poirot’s Past and has made the part his own.
Based on the 1969 novel by Agatha Christie, HALLOWE’EN PARTY, Branagh (who also directed the film) imbues horror elements and the macabre to the whoddunit detective genre - largely to positive results.
As stated above, Branagh has finally made this version of Hercule Poirot his own, giving the detective (who, at the beginning of this film/novel, is in self-imposed retirement) some self-doubt and self-retrospection which helps drive the story, plot and intrigue of the story.
Branagh has populated this murder-mystery with strong performers from recent Oscar-winner Michelle Yeoh (EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE) to Jamie Dornan (Branagh’s BELFAST) to YELLOWSTONE’s Kelly Reilly. Each brings mystery and star power to their roles.
Special notice needs to be made of Comedienne Tina Fey who is tackling her first non-comedic role and largely sticks the landing. As a friend of the Detective from NYC, Fey more than holds her own in the many, many scenes she shares with Branagh. As is often the case with comediennes, there is more to be mined in Fey’s acting chops and here’s hoping she dives deeper into more serious roles.
Director Branagh smartly uses the setting and mood of this piece to craft a film experience that is eerie, spooky and claustrophobic. While it is being billed as a HORROR film, it is not. It is a tense, taught, macabre film, filled with fish-eye lens and blurred-focus shots, which makes the set design and cinematography complimentary to the story.
Which is important for this is, in the end, a drawing room murder-mystery and the audience’s enjoyment of this film will be in direct alignment with how the mystery plays out…and this mystery plays out well (enough). What it lacks in surprises, it more than makes up for in mood, atmosphere and character
And that makes for a very entertaining time at the Cinema.
Letter Grade: B+
7 1/2 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis).
In A HAUNTING IN VENICE, Kenneth Branagh’s 3rd go around as Poirot, Branagh has finally shaken off the Ghosts of Poirot’s Past and has made the part his own.
Based on the 1969 novel by Agatha Christie, HALLOWE’EN PARTY, Branagh (who also directed the film) imbues horror elements and the macabre to the whoddunit detective genre - largely to positive results.
As stated above, Branagh has finally made this version of Hercule Poirot his own, giving the detective (who, at the beginning of this film/novel, is in self-imposed retirement) some self-doubt and self-retrospection which helps drive the story, plot and intrigue of the story.
Branagh has populated this murder-mystery with strong performers from recent Oscar-winner Michelle Yeoh (EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE) to Jamie Dornan (Branagh’s BELFAST) to YELLOWSTONE’s Kelly Reilly. Each brings mystery and star power to their roles.
Special notice needs to be made of Comedienne Tina Fey who is tackling her first non-comedic role and largely sticks the landing. As a friend of the Detective from NYC, Fey more than holds her own in the many, many scenes she shares with Branagh. As is often the case with comediennes, there is more to be mined in Fey’s acting chops and here’s hoping she dives deeper into more serious roles.
Director Branagh smartly uses the setting and mood of this piece to craft a film experience that is eerie, spooky and claustrophobic. While it is being billed as a HORROR film, it is not. It is a tense, taught, macabre film, filled with fish-eye lens and blurred-focus shots, which makes the set design and cinematography complimentary to the story.
Which is important for this is, in the end, a drawing room murder-mystery and the audience’s enjoyment of this film will be in direct alignment with how the mystery plays out…and this mystery plays out well (enough). What it lacks in surprises, it more than makes up for in mood, atmosphere and character
And that makes for a very entertaining time at the Cinema.
Letter Grade: B+
7 1/2 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis).
Lee (2222 KP) rated Murder on the Orient Express (2017) in Movies
Nov 6, 2017 (Updated Nov 9, 2017)
Kenneth Branagh (1 more)
Stunning cinematography
Wasted all-star cast (1 more)
Not very interesting
All style, no substance
This review is possibly a little unfair, as I actually managed to fall asleep watching Murder On The Orient Express. In a busy cinema, early evening on a Sunday. I've only ever managed to do this a couple of times previously - once, while watching a midnight screening of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (I'm an old man, it was way past my bedtime). Another occasion was during the last Alvin and the Chipmunks movie while watching with my daughter (and I quite rightly got a dig in the ribs from her when she caught me out).
Unfortunately for me though, Kenneth Branaghs lavish retelling of this classic murder mystery is all style and no substance. Branagh himself is actually very good, and hugely entertaining as the worlds greatest detective, Hercule Poirot. However, most of the remaining all star cast just seem wasted in their roles and I just felt like I was watching a big, glossy BBC detective drama on a Sunday evening rather than a thrilling cinematic experience.
I made it through the setup and the murder itself. I also made it through some of the questioning of the many suspects too. But I think that's where my body gave up. I don't think I missed much though, and I was awake again in time for the ridiculous reveal and the explanation as to why whodunit actually dunit, but overall this was just a pretty big disappointment for me.
Unfortunately for me though, Kenneth Branaghs lavish retelling of this classic murder mystery is all style and no substance. Branagh himself is actually very good, and hugely entertaining as the worlds greatest detective, Hercule Poirot. However, most of the remaining all star cast just seem wasted in their roles and I just felt like I was watching a big, glossy BBC detective drama on a Sunday evening rather than a thrilling cinematic experience.
I made it through the setup and the murder itself. I also made it through some of the questioning of the many suspects too. But I think that's where my body gave up. I don't think I missed much though, and I was awake again in time for the ridiculous reveal and the explanation as to why whodunit actually dunit, but overall this was just a pretty big disappointment for me.
BankofMarquis (1832 KP) rated Death on the Nile (2022) in Movies
Mar 16, 2022
Well Done
The old adage “they don’t make movies like this anymore” is no truer than when one is speaking about large budget, big name cast murder mysteries and with what must surely be a disappointing box office for DEATH ON THE NILE, they just might not try again.
And that is too bad for the latest Kenneth Branagh Hercule Poirot mystery DEATH ON THE NILE with Branagh starring, again, as the great Agatha Christie Belgian Detective is the stuff that makes going to movies fun - big characters, major stars, gorgeous scenery and a plot that will keep one guessing until the end.
Branagh’s previous work as Director and star of MURDER OF THE ORIENT EXPRESS was a bit of a disappointment as it was gorgeous and well cast - but the pacing of the film dragged and Branagh decided, inexplicably, to add an action scene to a drawing room mystery.
In DEATH ON THE NILE, Branagh (who Directed this film from an screenplay by Michael Green who adapted the Agatha Christie novel), corrected these mistakes and the film moves along spritely with the actors chewing the scenery - but quickly - making this a very enjoyable movie-going experience.
Branagh, in his second go-around as Poirot, seems much more relaxed and comfortable with his character. This is, perhaps, because they add a backstory to Poirot, so he has much more to set his character upon. On the surface, purists of the the Agatha Christie character will blanche at the thought of adding a backstory, but I’ll be darned if it doesn’t work and adds a layer of depth to the character and the film that I wasn’t expecting.
The All-Star cast knows what type of film they are in - and what is expected of them - and they deliver. Gal Gadot, Armie Hammmer, Rose Leslie, Letitia Wright, Jennifer Saunders, Sophie Okonedo and, surprisingly, Russell Brand all shine brightly in their “moment” that their character gets with Poirot. Special notice needs to be made of Annette Bening’s performance. It was GREAT to see this wonderful actress get a role she could sink her teeth into.
As always, with this type of film, the settings and costumes take a prominent position and they do not disappoint. Cinematographer Haris Zambarloukos should be hired by the Egyptian Chamber of Commerce for he lovingly shows the sites along the Nile River (circa ‘1930’s) in a beautiful poetic way while the Costumes by Pago Delgado are gorgeous and ornate - without being over-the-top.
If you get a chance to see DEATH ON THE NILE on the big screen, do so, you will be well rewarded for your efforts - and just might help get another of these big budget, big star mysteries made. If not, make sure to check this film out when it starts streaming near you - it’s a ton of fun.
Letter Grade: A-
8 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
And that is too bad for the latest Kenneth Branagh Hercule Poirot mystery DEATH ON THE NILE with Branagh starring, again, as the great Agatha Christie Belgian Detective is the stuff that makes going to movies fun - big characters, major stars, gorgeous scenery and a plot that will keep one guessing until the end.
Branagh’s previous work as Director and star of MURDER OF THE ORIENT EXPRESS was a bit of a disappointment as it was gorgeous and well cast - but the pacing of the film dragged and Branagh decided, inexplicably, to add an action scene to a drawing room mystery.
In DEATH ON THE NILE, Branagh (who Directed this film from an screenplay by Michael Green who adapted the Agatha Christie novel), corrected these mistakes and the film moves along spritely with the actors chewing the scenery - but quickly - making this a very enjoyable movie-going experience.
Branagh, in his second go-around as Poirot, seems much more relaxed and comfortable with his character. This is, perhaps, because they add a backstory to Poirot, so he has much more to set his character upon. On the surface, purists of the the Agatha Christie character will blanche at the thought of adding a backstory, but I’ll be darned if it doesn’t work and adds a layer of depth to the character and the film that I wasn’t expecting.
The All-Star cast knows what type of film they are in - and what is expected of them - and they deliver. Gal Gadot, Armie Hammmer, Rose Leslie, Letitia Wright, Jennifer Saunders, Sophie Okonedo and, surprisingly, Russell Brand all shine brightly in their “moment” that their character gets with Poirot. Special notice needs to be made of Annette Bening’s performance. It was GREAT to see this wonderful actress get a role she could sink her teeth into.
As always, with this type of film, the settings and costumes take a prominent position and they do not disappoint. Cinematographer Haris Zambarloukos should be hired by the Egyptian Chamber of Commerce for he lovingly shows the sites along the Nile River (circa ‘1930’s) in a beautiful poetic way while the Costumes by Pago Delgado are gorgeous and ornate - without being over-the-top.
If you get a chance to see DEATH ON THE NILE on the big screen, do so, you will be well rewarded for your efforts - and just might help get another of these big budget, big star mysteries made. If not, make sure to check this film out when it starts streaming near you - it’s a ton of fun.
Letter Grade: A-
8 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
Gareth von Kallenbach (965 KP) rated Murder on the Orient Express (2017) in Movies
Jul 11, 2019
Murder on the Orient Express is a mystery drama directed by, and starring, Kenneth Branagh and is based on the 1934 Agatha Christie novel of the same name. The film brings in a spectacular cast alongside Branagh, including Penelope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Judi Dench, Johnny Depp, Josh Gad, Michelle Pfeiffer and Daisy Ridley. Also part of the main cast, while not well known, but equally as talented, are Tom Bateman, Derek Jacobi, Leslie Odom Jr. and Lucy Boynton.
For those unfamiliar with the novel, or the 1974 and 2001 adaptations, Murder tells the story of, well… a murder. On a train. It’s really a lot more than that. Branagh portrays Hercule Poirot, a famed Belgian detective who is looking forward to some time off. But during his travels, a most unfortunate thing happens. Two things actually. Someone is murdered aboard the train he is traveling on, the Orient Express (naturally). And the murderer would’ve gotten away free and clear had storm not caused an avalanche, which thanks to a derailed engine, caused the train to become stuck and the body to be discovered. Poirot’s friend, Bouc (Bateman), runs the train and requested that Poirot solve the mystery before the police arrive in fear of someone innocent being accused, and to save himself from a heyday with his father. Can Poirot find out who is the killer between the star-studded cast?
I’ve read the novel. Seen both adaptations. This film blows those earlier adaptations out of the water. There is no contest here. Now clearly, nothing can beat the book. But Murder is about as great a film you can get in the murky land of Hollywood these days. As mentioned, Branagh directed and starred in the film, which he shot on 65 mm. The last time he did this was with Hamlet in 1996. It looked good then, and it looks even better now. With eye-popping visuals throughout the entirety of the film, and a masterful soundtrack that seamlessly blended with the tones and themes of each scene, the film is a modern masterpiece.
It wasn’t without its faults. (Most) every film has them. And there are a lot of people who are upset with Branagh’s portrayal of Poirot, particularly the representation of his eccentric facial hair. I am not one of those people. I believe it, along with other amazing moments, lent a bit of humor to the movie to break up what should otherwise be, and is, a serious whodunit mystery. Also, I felt they changed a few things in the adaptation that didn’t necessarily need to be changed.
I found it hard to sit and write about the film though. Given the nature of a great mystery, I can’t tell you too much about it without risk of giving out crucial details to the plot and outcome. So I will leave you with this, boys, girls, and everything in between and beyond… with a great and talented cast (bravo to Michelle Pfeiffer in particular) who nailed home their characters, to great visuals, and a great score, this movie is definitely one you want to catch.
For those unfamiliar with the novel, or the 1974 and 2001 adaptations, Murder tells the story of, well… a murder. On a train. It’s really a lot more than that. Branagh portrays Hercule Poirot, a famed Belgian detective who is looking forward to some time off. But during his travels, a most unfortunate thing happens. Two things actually. Someone is murdered aboard the train he is traveling on, the Orient Express (naturally). And the murderer would’ve gotten away free and clear had storm not caused an avalanche, which thanks to a derailed engine, caused the train to become stuck and the body to be discovered. Poirot’s friend, Bouc (Bateman), runs the train and requested that Poirot solve the mystery before the police arrive in fear of someone innocent being accused, and to save himself from a heyday with his father. Can Poirot find out who is the killer between the star-studded cast?
I’ve read the novel. Seen both adaptations. This film blows those earlier adaptations out of the water. There is no contest here. Now clearly, nothing can beat the book. But Murder is about as great a film you can get in the murky land of Hollywood these days. As mentioned, Branagh directed and starred in the film, which he shot on 65 mm. The last time he did this was with Hamlet in 1996. It looked good then, and it looks even better now. With eye-popping visuals throughout the entirety of the film, and a masterful soundtrack that seamlessly blended with the tones and themes of each scene, the film is a modern masterpiece.
It wasn’t without its faults. (Most) every film has them. And there are a lot of people who are upset with Branagh’s portrayal of Poirot, particularly the representation of his eccentric facial hair. I am not one of those people. I believe it, along with other amazing moments, lent a bit of humor to the movie to break up what should otherwise be, and is, a serious whodunit mystery. Also, I felt they changed a few things in the adaptation that didn’t necessarily need to be changed.
I found it hard to sit and write about the film though. Given the nature of a great mystery, I can’t tell you too much about it without risk of giving out crucial details to the plot and outcome. So I will leave you with this, boys, girls, and everything in between and beyond… with a great and talented cast (bravo to Michelle Pfeiffer in particular) who nailed home their characters, to great visuals, and a great score, this movie is definitely one you want to catch.
LeftSideCut (3778 KP) rated Tenet (2020) in Movies
Sep 8, 2020
God damn Tenet is confusing, and even that statement has a dual meaning - in regards to the plot, it's purposefully confusing to a degree (more on that shortly), but also in regards to my poor frazzled feelings towards the film as a whole.
For every moment where I felt myself switching off a bit, there was another moment which blew me away.
Back to the plot, Christopher Nolan has done that thing where he throws a load of faffy exposition and quick cuts, with thread bare explanation, before bringing in a massive pay off to sort of tie it all together. Not too dissimilar to Inception, but way harder to follow.
By the time the credits rolled, I think I had a good enough grasp on what happened, but still will probably need another viewing to piece it together.
Something that is beyond doubt however, is the aesthetics on display. Tenet looks amazing. The action set pieces are breathtaking at times. The last 45 minutes in particular is an absolute pleasure to look at, and the idea of some people functioning in reverse makes for some hugely eye pleasing fight scenes.
Another positive to take from Tenet is the cast. John David Washington, Robert Pattinson, and Elizabeth Debicki are all great as per usual, and are supported by the likes of Kenneth Branagh and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Branagh especially is a convincing, nasty villain.
There's been a lot of discussion surrounding the sound mixing - and I can honestly see why. A lot of the dialogue is cancelled out by either the (pretty damn good) music score, or swamped underneath obnoxiously loud sound effects. Whether this is a stylistic choice by Nolan or not, it does negatively impact the experience.
Ultimately, Tenet is enjoyable enough, but I feel like it's not as clever as it wants you to think. That being said, maybe I'm just not clever enough to truly get it. It's proving to be a divisive film however, so it's definitely worth seeing for yourself to reach a conclusion.
For every moment where I felt myself switching off a bit, there was another moment which blew me away.
Back to the plot, Christopher Nolan has done that thing where he throws a load of faffy exposition and quick cuts, with thread bare explanation, before bringing in a massive pay off to sort of tie it all together. Not too dissimilar to Inception, but way harder to follow.
By the time the credits rolled, I think I had a good enough grasp on what happened, but still will probably need another viewing to piece it together.
Something that is beyond doubt however, is the aesthetics on display. Tenet looks amazing. The action set pieces are breathtaking at times. The last 45 minutes in particular is an absolute pleasure to look at, and the idea of some people functioning in reverse makes for some hugely eye pleasing fight scenes.
Another positive to take from Tenet is the cast. John David Washington, Robert Pattinson, and Elizabeth Debicki are all great as per usual, and are supported by the likes of Kenneth Branagh and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Branagh especially is a convincing, nasty villain.
There's been a lot of discussion surrounding the sound mixing - and I can honestly see why. A lot of the dialogue is cancelled out by either the (pretty damn good) music score, or swamped underneath obnoxiously loud sound effects. Whether this is a stylistic choice by Nolan or not, it does negatively impact the experience.
Ultimately, Tenet is enjoyable enough, but I feel like it's not as clever as it wants you to think. That being said, maybe I'm just not clever enough to truly get it. It's proving to be a divisive film however, so it's definitely worth seeing for yourself to reach a conclusion.
LeftSideCut (3778 KP) rated Death on the Nile (2022) in Movies
Feb 15, 2022
To start with, there's only so much you can hate on an Agatha Christie adaption. The film could be torrid tripe, but there's still a particular brand of intrigue which always comes with one of her whodunits. This latest re-telling of Death on the Nile just about scrapes by, mainly thanks to its second half, and that aforementioned Christie narrative, but sadly, not much else.
There's glimpses of something good there. Kenneth Branagh can be hit or miss as far as I'm concerned. For every Belfast (soaringly wonderful) there's an Artemis Fowl (what I imagine a lobotomy feels like). This is somewhere in the middle. There are moments of promise sprinkled here and there, but they struggle to break through all the bloated hot air that is draped over everything.
All of the characters are ridiculous. I get that's part of it, but it just falls flat here. It's hard to enjoy comic relief when everyone is comic relief. Gal Gadot seems like she is half-arsing every line. Russell Brand feels jarringly out of place. I traditionally enjoy French & Saunders but they also feel alien in every scene they're in. I know this shouldn't really impact my view, but Armie Hammer look like he just wants to eat everyone he talks to. Even the usually reliable Annette Benning comes across completely disinterested. There's no chemistry anywhere, and it all just feels a bit odd. Branagh is pretty great as Poirot to his credit. He just about holds proceedings together along with Sophie Okonedo, and they both manage to inject some charisma when things become arduous, which is farily regularly.
A bit of a misfire then, but not a complete disaster. I can firmly file Death on the Nile under "films I don't really like, but would probably watch again if it was on TV, or maybe on Christmas day at my Mums house".
There's glimpses of something good there. Kenneth Branagh can be hit or miss as far as I'm concerned. For every Belfast (soaringly wonderful) there's an Artemis Fowl (what I imagine a lobotomy feels like). This is somewhere in the middle. There are moments of promise sprinkled here and there, but they struggle to break through all the bloated hot air that is draped over everything.
All of the characters are ridiculous. I get that's part of it, but it just falls flat here. It's hard to enjoy comic relief when everyone is comic relief. Gal Gadot seems like she is half-arsing every line. Russell Brand feels jarringly out of place. I traditionally enjoy French & Saunders but they also feel alien in every scene they're in. I know this shouldn't really impact my view, but Armie Hammer look like he just wants to eat everyone he talks to. Even the usually reliable Annette Benning comes across completely disinterested. There's no chemistry anywhere, and it all just feels a bit odd. Branagh is pretty great as Poirot to his credit. He just about holds proceedings together along with Sophie Okonedo, and they both manage to inject some charisma when things become arduous, which is farily regularly.
A bit of a misfire then, but not a complete disaster. I can firmly file Death on the Nile under "films I don't really like, but would probably watch again if it was on TV, or maybe on Christmas day at my Mums house".
Sarah (7798 KP) rated Murder on the Orient Express (2017) in Movies
Nov 8, 2017
Dull and boring
I've never read the book or seen any previous adaptations, or indeed any other Poirot stories or any Agatha Christie novels at all. And all I can say is that I hope this film isn't a reflection on the rest of her work.
The film starts well, with a fun introduction to Poirot and Kenneth Branagh is probably the best thing about the film in general. He does a fantastic job as Poirot for the most part, very believable as a Belgian.
However before the murder even takes place, the film starts to dip and gets a little dull. The murder itself is presented in such an uninteresting way and the cinematography at times is a little bizarre. Some of the camera shots don't work and some seem ridiculously cheesy how they're staged. The questioning of the suspects does little to bring any tension or intrigue, and the star studded cast isn't given much to work with although some try their best to ham it up (Michelle Pfeiffer).
And then the finale/resolution itself is just completely bonkers. It might have been unexpected, but not in a good way. It was just very silly and not at all what I was hoping for from this film. Such a disappointment.
The film starts well, with a fun introduction to Poirot and Kenneth Branagh is probably the best thing about the film in general. He does a fantastic job as Poirot for the most part, very believable as a Belgian.
However before the murder even takes place, the film starts to dip and gets a little dull. The murder itself is presented in such an uninteresting way and the cinematography at times is a little bizarre. Some of the camera shots don't work and some seem ridiculously cheesy how they're staged. The questioning of the suspects does little to bring any tension or intrigue, and the star studded cast isn't given much to work with although some try their best to ham it up (Michelle Pfeiffer).
And then the finale/resolution itself is just completely bonkers. It might have been unexpected, but not in a good way. It was just very silly and not at all what I was hoping for from this film. Such a disappointment.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Wild Wild West (1999) in Movies
Nov 10, 2020
I hate the late 90s blockbuster, man... I really do. This era's tongue-in-cheek manufactured spectacle coated with pause-for-laughs cringe 'jokes' and standard-to-crappy action makes my skin crawl. This is actually much, much better than 𝘐𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘺 but otherwise they're the exact same formula in tiring popcorn slogs though this one dared to actually have a bit of fun sometimes unlike ID so truthfully I have no idea why this one is more reviled - it just seems random to me. Yeah I have no idea why this source material was turned into confusingly sexual, boring one-note tripe but the last twenty minutes is actually kind of exciting and the effects are top-notch. Don't even lie, you think that giant steampunk spider is fucking cool too and the gadgets/costumes/sets/makeup are eye-catching too - I only wish they were all in a better movie. The two perfunctory performances from Smith and Kline are canceled out by the religious scenery-chewing of Ted Levine and this movie's MVP Kenneth Branagh but besides the title song that I'm tired of pretending doesn't slap -because it *does* - that's about where the positives end. Its only personality traits are being dumb, looking cool sometimes, and misogyny.