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Charlie Cobra Reviews (1840 KP) rated Coming 2 America (2021) in Movies

Mar 16, 2021 (Updated Mar 27, 2021)  
Coming 2 America (2021)
Coming 2 America (2021)
2021 | Comedy
6
5.2 (10 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Almost all of the original cast returns for this sequel (2 more)
Lots of laughs
Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall reprising many of the roles where they played multiple characters again.
Terrible character development (2 more)
Plot doesn't make sense at times or feels like missing scenes or plot development
Some jokes fall flat or feel forced and the trailer spoils some
Lots of Laughs and Callbacks But Not Enough Substance
Prince Akeem of Zamunda (Eddie Murphy) is visited by General Izzi (Wesley Snipes) who pushes for Akeem's eldest daughter Meeka (Kiki Layne) to marry his foppish son, Idi (Rotimi). Nexdoria is a hostile militaristic neighbor nation ruled by General Izzi, who is also the brother of Akeem's original arranged bride-to-be. Izzi threatens Akeem and says that it is better to be bound by blood and family then divided by blood and war. This occurs on the very day that Zamunda is celebrating the 30th anniversary of Prince Akeem and Lisa's wedding. King Jaffe Joffer (James Earl Jones) summons Akeem and Semmi (Arsenio Hall) and reminds them that only a male heir can inherit his kingdom. He summons his shaman Baba and they reveal that Akeem has a long lost son in America that he must retrieve in order to avoid a hostile takeover by Nexdoria.

I enjoyed this movie when I saw it the first time and thought that it was pretty funny. It definitely isn't a great movie but when compared to several other sequels that happen years after the original, I felt that it did better than most. It was for the most part a lesser version of the original but it's been years since I've seen the original and I didn't let my nostalgia for it to skew my opinion on this one. I do plan on re-watching the original soon though so I can see how much they differ. A big difference was that the original Coming to America is rated R and this sequel was PG-13. I usually hate when a company chooses to do this because I always feel what the fans/audience gets is a watered down version of the original but it's hard to say this time around. This movie was full of laughs and I was surprised how much they got away with it for being a PG-13 movie, however some of the jokes fell flat and a lot of them were given away in the trailer. Also there were somethings in the trailer that I didn't see in the movie; like the Wakanda joke in the barbershop. Wesley Snipes character General Izzi was quite a character and you could feel he was having fun portraying him. I also enjoyed Akeem's three daughters in the movie. I really liked the opening scene which showed Prince Akeem sparring with his daughters and stick fighting like the original movie. The middle daughter Princess Omma who had glasses was actually Eddie Murphy's daughter in real life, Bella Murphy. And I also heard that most of the palace scenes in Zamunda were actually filmed in rapper Rick Ross' house. As much as I liked this movie it also felt very thin and didn't have a lot of character development or much of a plot to speak of. It also felt like quite a few things didn't make sense and that characters that came out in the first movie were quite different personality wise or just by their actions. I feel like I should give this movie a lower score but I'm not sure if it's nostalgia again or the fact that since it's a comedy I'm not really letting some of those things bother me as much. I'll go over my many reasons for scoring it so low in the spoiler section but for now I give this movie a 6/10. I would say it's worth getting a free trial of Amazon Prime if you want to see it in good quality and for free, or if you already have Amazon Prime you should give it a shot if you're looking for some laughs, but if not you can totally wait to see this movie.
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Spoiler Section Review:

Alright so let's get to it. Like I said I enjoyed this movie and thought that it delivered on the laughs even if some of them were forced or fell flat. I also felt that it was pretty thin on the plot and from what I remember of the first movie some of the characters were off or acted very different personality wise. I loved how the movie began with Prince Akeem training with his daughters and doing the stick fighting which was one of many call backs to the original film. The conflict begins in the beginning of the movie when General Izzi visits Akeem and tries to arrange a marriage between his son and Akeem's oldest daughter, Princess Meeka. You can tell that Akeem doesn't like General Izzi's son Idi but doesn't say anything other than his daughter didn't find him suitable. General Izzi threatens him after making a comment about the King being dead or near death and Akeem not having any male heirs. I still don't understand the conflict between the two nations and felt that this would have benefitted the plot more if they would have explained it better. Why would he need an heir so soon if he himself hadn't even inherited the kingdom from his father yet? Also the only explanation between the conflict of the nations was that Nexdoria was poor and Zamunda was rich. Anyways then Akeem is summoned to see his father and his shaman Baba and is told that he has an illegitimate son in America after a tryst with a woman while being drugged. I thought this was pretty funny scene where they did a flashback to when it happened. So now Akeem and Semmi must travel to America to retrieve his son so that he can take the princely tests and become heir to the kingdom. This totally doesn't make any sense to me plot wise other than this is how they wanted the movie to go. Akeem was totally a person who went against his father's wishes and traditions in the first film to find his wife Lisa and doesn't make sense that he would get this "son" to be his heir even if he was blood without getting to know him first. However I ignored that while watching because I figured he would get to know him while they met and he went back to Zamunda with them. Also before the leave there is a pretty cool scene where King Jaffe Joffer decides to have his funeral while he's alive and it was very lavish and elegant and full of cameos from great artists and performers. It was funny to see the barbershop scene and how Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall reprised their roles of some of the barbershop characters when they arrive in America but I felt that the funny parts were already spoiled in the trailer. Also the part about Wakanda wasn't even in the movie. From there they find out that his son is selling tickets near Madison Square when they're told about the mascot being a thunderbird that was part of Baba's vision. That was a cool details that I wish would have been developed more to make it more interesting. It would have been cool for them to have struggled to find his son but instead the first place they go tells them exactly where he is. Also when he meets his son Lavelle, it didn't even come off as awkward enough and Lavelle totally takes him back to his house to meet everyone or ask his mom. I didn't see this as realistic or how it would have played out in real life. Leslie Jones was a pretty annoying character but I feel she fit the job of the role she played and that people are too harsh on her as an actor for this role but I do feel that she is like Kevin Hart or The Rock in basically being the same character in every role. She admits that Akeem could be Lavelle's father and just like that they are whisked away to Zamunda. No paternity test, no lie detector test, no witnesses like her friend in the club saying yes it was true. This was very unrealistic to me because anybody would say yes to inherit the riches of Zamunda. When he returns Princess Lisa confronts him about him having a son and the particulars of how it occurred and she was shocked to find out that he brought not only his son but the son's mother back with him as well. General Izzi returns to Zamunda as soon as Prince Lavelle returns and makes it known that he has a daughter that he wishes for him to marry and Prince Akeem un-characteristically allows this arranged marriage to take place. Prince Lavelle must now pass the 3 princely tests first, which consist of knowledge of his ancestors/predecessors, getting the whiskers of a lion, and also one which involved ritual circumcision. I felt like there wasn't enough character development during these scenes and also the ones where Lavelle interacted with Mirembe, his royal barber to warrant the closeness that they all experienced. Princess Meeka, Akeem's oldest daughter is very upset about being passes up as heir for being a woman and rightly dislikes Lavelle and it totally seems out of character for her to aid him in passing his test to get the lion whiskers. They only had a small exchange about being written off or being judged for how they look or talk. And I felt that Lavelle also didn't have enough rapport with his barber Mirembe to be falling in love with her in under a week, or if they did it wasn't shown enough to us. There was a lot that didn't make sense or I feel was cut from the movie or even worse, just bad writing and poor plot development and it wasn't done right. The worse had to have been seeing Akeem's character become the opposite of who he was in the first movie. He passes over his daughter to give the throne to a stranger because he is a man and even when he loses his patience with a drunk or inebriated Lisa and tells her to shut her mouth after the celebration of the upcoming wedding between Lavelle and Bopoto, General Izzi's daughter. All in all I have to say that for me personally this movie was full of laughs but just had so much wrong with it that I should really be rating it a 5 or just an average movie. However there are so many sequels that happen 5 years or more after the original that are far worse or just as bad that I feel since this one was 30 years later it wasn't as bad as others are judging it. But maybe if I had seen the original right before seeing this one I would have changed by rating but for now I'm not sure if it's nostalgia or just bias but I rate this movie a 6/10. If you thought the original was funny then you more than likely will like this movie but if the original is a special movie to you that holds a special place in your heart then you might just think this sequel is utter trash.

https://youtu.be/-tT8Wy3YeI4
  
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Mara (13 KP) rated Cinder in Books

Dec 10, 2019  
Cinder
Cinder
Marissa Meyer | 2012 | Science Fiction/Fantasy, Young Adult (YA)
8
8.5 (96 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
Where to begin with my review? I guess I should start out by being completely honest and mentioning that I did not buy Cinder for myself, and I likely never would have either. After begging me to read it for a while, my best friend ended up buying me a copy for Christmas in the hope that I would give it a go. And to be fair to her, I did. Four times to be precise. The first three times I ended up giving up before chapter four. However, don't let that deter you. On my fourth attempt, I loved it! The only reason I can think of as to why I struggled the other times was because I was in a serious book hangover from another story. So I was a little reluctant to start a new story with characters I wasn't invested in yet, and a story I already knew. Or at least, I thought I did.
So let's start with the plot. Cinder is a retelling of Cinderella. Perhaps another reason for my lack of interest in the beginning as I've never really been a huge fan of that particular princess. What I do enjoy is a fresh twist on a well known story, so I should have known I would enjoy it if I gave it a chance. Like Cinderella, Cinder follows the story of a young girl who lives with her step-mother, and her two step-sisters, no love lost between them. In both, the girl leads a tough, though somewhat mundane life, right up until she meets her prince, and then things start to look up. Blah, blah, blah... We all know the story right? No. Marissa Meyer gives the traditional tale a new spin, and it was like reading the story for the first time. Because of this, I easily finished the story over one (busy) weekend. The story contained just the right mix of adventure, romance, and sci-fi to keep me hooked, even if -in places- the story seemed to drag a little. This was more than made up for with the explosive ending though. The story ends with enough unresolved conflict to keep you wanting more... And if you're anything like me, thankfully you don't have to wait months for the next one (It's called Scarlet BTW). Another great part of this story was the world building and backstory. At one point, the events of WW4 are mentioned, giving us a little insight as to how the world we know morphed into the one in the story. This also prevented the world from becoming too complicated when other races (The Lunars) are introduced, and helped blend the backstories of both races nicely. Lunars are the genetically mutated humans that live on the moon (Luna), and they have the ability to use a power known as "Glamour" to influence other's minds and make them see and believe what they want them to. This particular part impressed me as it was a clever way of introducing magic in an otherwise "normal" world. Because I'm a sucker for a bit of magic. The only real problem I had with this story was that the plot was somewhat predictable at times... For example, pretty much as soon as it was mentioned that there was once a princess who -if she was still alive- could usurp the Queen of the Lunars and restore peace to the two worlds... It was obvious that it was going to end up being Cinder. (This is confirmed at the end of the book).
Now, onto the characters! Meet our protagonist, Linh Cinder. Cinder is a sixteen-year-old living in New Beijing with her evil Step-mother and two step-sisters... But that's pretty much where the similarities with her and the traditional Cinderella end. Not only is our protagonist more than just a pretty face with a kind heart, she is a badass! Throughout the story she impressed me with her attitude, intelligence, and ability to call people out on their bullshit. Fair enough she came across a little whiny at times, but this can be overlooked when you remember she is pretty much still a child who has had a pretty rough life. Unable to remember her life before a crash that claimed the lives of her family, she was adopted by a man who soon died, leaving her at the mercy of his wife, who was not a fan of Cinder. Why, you ask? Well, Cinder is a cyborg, and that is unforgivable and clearly Cinder's fault... According to the step mother at least. Still, despite being shunned by most people who knew the truth about her, Cinder still manages to be a likable character. Yeah she has her flaws, but that's what I liked about her. She's realistic. She's embarrassed by the fact she is a cyborg, especially when she meets the handsome Prince Kai. It was frustrating at times to read scenes with these two, mainly because Cinder was reluctant to tell Kai about her being a cyborg, and it built a wall between them. I mean, I can see where she's coming from. It would be a nice change to just be a normal girl to someone after years of being told she was less. BUT DAMN GIRL! KAI IS A CINNAMON ROLL AND WOULD LOVE YOU EITHER WAY!!!
*Clears throat* Anyway, moving on... Now we can talk about Kai. Handsome, charming, clueless, Prince Kai. We meet Kai pretty early on in the story (first chapter in fact) and from the moment we meet him, we know he and Cinder are destined. Or at least I hope so... I haven't read the second book yet! The only child of the emperor, Kai will someday rule the Eastern Commonwealth. Unfortunately that day comes all too soon when his father contracts the plague and soon after dies, leaving the job to the young Prince. If I'm being completely honest, I was expecting him to crash and burn at some point, but I was pleasantly surprised when he managed to hack it, even going as far as to stand up to the Lunar Queen- A megabitch we will discuss later- despite the fact she could start a war that would cause chaos for the Earthlings. His character development was fun to read. He started as a charismatic prince with a rebellious streak, and by the end of the book he was an Emperor loyal to his people and smarter than he lets on. I was a little disappointed in his reaction to finding out Cinder was a cyborg (and a Lunar), but under the circumstances, he can be forgiven. I'm quite interested in how the rest of Emperor Kai's story is going to play out, especially as he seemed to have something planned at the end of the first book, but I have yet to see if my suspicions are correct about him.
Now time to talk about our main antagonist, Queen Levana AKA The Megabitch. As far as antagonists go, she isn't the most evil I've met, but she is one of the more interesting. Queen of the Lunars, she is a cold, flawless, evil lady, who hates technology, and is infamous for using her glamour to hide her true face. Her motives seem pretty simple. She wants to rule. As Queen of the Lunars, she can do this by marriage, or she can take it by force. She doesn't really seem to care which way she goes about it, but she does suggest a marriage alliance with Prince/Emperor Kai Puh-lease. He and Cinder are OTP. (Also, I have to praise Meyer for the lack of a love triangle here, even though it would have been easy enough to include one. Bless you, child!) For the majority of the story she seems to be cool and in control, which is worrying for those of us rooting for the heroes, but at the Ball Naturally Cinder manages to crack the flawless facade and give us a little insight to the Queen's weakness Score 1 for Cinder! I have a feeling though that the next time we see the Queen, she is going to up her game and really give our heroes some problems, but we shall see!
Overall, I really enjoyed Cinder and I'm glad that I gave it another go. I should really start listening when my friend suggests books to me. It was an entertaining, frustrating, and even heart-breaking story at times, but I loved it. Marissa Meyer has definitely earned another fan, and I cannot wait to get my hands on the rest of the series. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MY SHIP. The book had a few issues of course, but not enough that I would hesitate to read the next book... Hopefully I'll get around to it soon! In the mean time, anyone debating reading Cinder, you should definitely do it! 100%. And if anyone -like me- is struggling to get into it... Stick at it! I swear it's worth it in the end!
  
Love, Death & Robots
Love, Death & Robots
2019 | Action, Animation, Comedy
CGI is amazing (1 more)
The Perfect Mix of Morbid Humour and Gore
The episodes are so short! (0 more)
A Masterpiece of the Weird and Fantastical
This is going to be a long one, I'm going to review each episode as they aren't linked or related in any way, but just know, they are all gorgeous works of art and you should totally go watch the whole thing ?.


Beyond the Aquila Rift - CGI was beautiful from the moment it started, I was like 'shiiiit this series is going to be everything I love'. This one is about a crew making a delivery in space, however nothing quite goes to plan. For me, it had a very 'Mass Effect' feel with the FTL travel. I was not expecting a full out sex scene in the first 6 minutes but then again the episodes are on average only 16 minutes long. It was rauncy yet somehow, still quite tasteful, but as with most animated stuff there was an excessive amount of topless boob shots. I won't spoil it, but it ended up as a horrific mind fuck that left a shiver down my spine ?.

Secret War - Again, CGI was epic and the story was the perfect mix of unsettling, gory, and tragic. It follows a platoon of Red Army soldiers who are hunting down mysterious 'monsters'. There's blood, there's guts, a guy has an arm off at one point - what more could you ask for?

Sonnie's Edge - Immediately feels hellishly grunge and rave. I absolutely adored the blacklight effects and a strong female styling, the fight is gorgeous, the monsters have almost a Kaju feel which really made me happy as I love Pacific Rim. Of course this epicness is immediately ruined by a sloppy scene (I won't spoil it) which cemented the fact in my mind this was written by a man (I checked later and found I was correct), it does save itself with a fantastic twist at the end though so it was still an amazing short.

Sucker of Souls - This had a great grungy cartooning that felt half Kill Bill, half 2003 TMNT. It ended up being a real bad day for an archaeological expedition. Gore injected with humour is always a favourite of mine and this ticked all those boxes, including a wisecracking explosives expert (looking at you Gary!) If we've learnt anything from Indiana Jones and Rick O'Connell it's, don't fuck with tombs. This time was no different.

Three Robots - There's something just so fucking fantastic about robots going on holiday and speculating about 'human' stuff. It's just the perfect injection of morbid humour and I love it. The twist at the end had me laughing harder than I had any right to ?.

Ice Age - I haven't seen Topher Grace since That 70's Show so I was like 'heeeey cool'. This was the first one that wasn't soley animation so that was really cool. They find a civilization in their freezer - yes, you read that right, their freezer - and the story is awesome ?. It's a neat reflection on humans and our place in the world.

The Witness - Set in a brightly coloured city the animation here feels very Borderlands-y, which is super cool because I fricking love that game ?. There's murder, full frontal nudity, erotic dancing, and an ending that will tear your head right off. Pretty neat all in all.

Suits - Great Googamooga, this is my absolutely favourite so far, a perfectly normal looking farm, complete with adorable hick accents, discovers a breach in their fence. This isn't just any breach, this is an alien style swarm complete with Mech Warrior suits and a woman named Mel, who I'm convinced is Tank Girl as an old lady. 17 minutes of utter badassery you do not want to miss. Utterly LOVED it, and would 10/10 watch this as its own series.

When the Yogurt Took Over - Ok so the name - I was like 'should I take this seriously? Oooor' ?. Weirdly serious - yet hysterical. A five minute journey into what happened when Yogurt became sentient. You will not be disaappointed ?.

Good Hunting - With animation that reminds me of The Last Airbender, it's a story of magic, friendship, and the industrial age. A beautiful and tragic story, with horrific overtones of what greed and 'progress' can do.

The Dump - The animation this reminds me of would be sorta like, if the people at Pixar got high with Tim Burton. There was one random thing - I found Pearly's dick swing in the wind much funnier than any sane person probably would ?. A great story about man's best friend and let me tell ya, everyone needs an Otto ❤.

Shape-Shifter - There's something so deeply interesting about putting the supernatural into regular life. Two men, who are not human, in the US marines. Insanely intense story for under 15 minutes. Gorgeous CGI work too.

Helping Hand - This had a great "Gravity" feel to it, when everything goes wrong you just keep going, give a little and then a little more and you achieve the impossible. Breathtaking space visuals is just an added bonus ?.

Fish Night - Telltale style animation, depicts a story of a father and son on the road. The car breaks down and something both magical and tragic happens. The ending left me reeling ?.

Lucky 13 - The CGI in this one was so good it took me half the time to figure out that it wasn't real. Lucky 13 was to Cutter like the Normandy was to Joker. Just - the best goddamn ship ❤.

Zima Blues - Animated in a style similiar to Archer, this was an interesting piece about art and how it effects us, we search for meaning through it sometimes it's about appreciating the little things ❤.

Blindspot - 90's animation and a rad story about robots. This is my second favourite after Suits, would 10/10 watch as its own movie ?.

Alternate Histories - Did not stop laughing the entire time. Utter gold. I will recommend one thing - pause it at the blue screen bit, you won't be disappointed ?.

The only thing I'm sad about is there wasn't more of this to watch, it was incredible ?.
  
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Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) Apr 22, 2019

Really enjoyed reading through your individual reviews, agree with you 1000% about Sonnie's Edge

Daughter Of The Burning City
Daughter Of The Burning City
Amanda Foody | 2017 | Fiction & Poetry
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
There were more twists and turns in the story than the labyrinthine paths through the Gomorrah Festival. I was impressed that this was Amanda Foody's debut novel, but that does not mean it was without its faults. Overall, I felt that the Festival itself as a setting was the most intriguing part of the story.

I didn't feel that the magic system was as developed as it should have been, or perhaps it was too developed. It wasn't always clear what people could have as abilities. The added element of being able to have multiple abilities that alter how each other works or each ability manifesting itself completely differently in people made following how the magic worked very difficult. There were also rules or examples that you read that seem to contradict one another. You just had to accept that it wasn't entirely clear and anything could happen.

The setting was certainly the most intriguing part of this story. The Gomorrah Festival, also known as the City of Burning Desires, is a traveling Carnival full of thieves, strumpets, charlatans, performers and fortune tellers. The gates of the city have ever burning flames and the cloying scent of smoke, perfume, and sugar cloak the tents. Amanda Foody's writing brilliantly brings the city to life, although we sadly see very little of the actual Festival. I loved the performance elements of the Night Circus and Caraval, so I was a little disappointed that the locale didn't play a bigger role.

I never really connected with the main character, Sorrina, our thread through the entire story. She is a magic worker who can create illusions with her mind, despite having no eyes to see for herself. Since coming to the Festival, she has begun creating illusions to become her family. They perform with her and despite not being truly real, are quite beloved by Sorrina. Unfortunately, one night a member of her illusion family is killed - but how can illusions be killed?

Sorrina vows to discover who hurt her family and protect the remaining members no matter what. Soon she meets an Up-Mountainer named Luca who is definitely the best character in the book. At first, he seems like the stereotypical sassy, "bad boy" love interest, but he is actually incredibly intelligent. I really enjoyed the dimension he brought to the story and how he balanced out Sorrina's more romantic, unfocused, indecisive character.

Despite the fact that Sorrina's family are illusions, they do feel like real people. Some are more developed than others. You feel for two of her sisters, one who bears the weight of the family on her shoulders and the other who just wants to be a real person. Those two will tug at your heartstrings and make you forget that they are illusions. I didn't feel like I got to know the other family members as well and that was a shame. They were such unique creations that they deserved that connection and time.

The story was fantastical, yet I enjoyed the mystery element as you puzzled through the clues with the characters to discover who killed an illusion, and how. The plot was a little convoluted so at times my attention waned, but overall I enjoyed the book. There were some pacing issues that could have been resolved by some additional editing/culling of scenes. Sometimes when I sat down I was completely engrossed in the plot, but there were also others where I picked the book up and put it down moments later.

I felt that the story was tied up satisfactorily and it didn't leave me with too many questions, but I won't lie and say I wouldn't enjoy another book set in that world with different characters. The level of development is still impressive for a debut novel and I cannot wait to see more from Amanda Foody.

I would definitely recommend this to young adult/teen readers who enjoy fantasy novels with really intriguing worlds, but don't expect too much of the carnival element to be present in the plot.
  
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Another film ruined by Endgame's splendour
Contains spoilers, click to show
The Rise of Skywalker

Some endings are welcomed whilst others are heart-breaking and sudden, then there is this movie that closes a curtain that’s older than my very bones. In the time from 1977 there has been highs, lows and Jar Jar Binks a plenty and lots and lots of toys, lunchboxes and soap sets in all shapes of droids. The film itself opens and quickly reintroduces all the main characters and sets up the plot lines for each person and they embark on a path that is destined for them all to meet later. Kylo Ren is on a solo Gooniesesque mission to retrieve something darker than One Eyed Willies rich stuff with the aid of a Toblerone shaped virtual map. Helmetless and emotionless he encounters the Emperor you in fact is not dead but just chilling out with many engineers, Sith corpses and a big evil throne that he may use to do dark side Sudoku. Kylo Ren must kill Rey and then he and Palpatine might both crack a smile and take turns on the evil throne as all powerful rulers.
Is it a bird? Is it plane? Well its half bird in name alone it’s the Millennium Falcon doing what it does best and being chased and escaping for the numerous time but this time they are light speed jumping even though they are told not to, naughty naughty. Po and Finn get some gossip and head to the planet the Rebels are all hiding on to share their news. Enter the heroine its Rey in a new outfit and floating up high but failing to entice the Jedi spirits to appear but why would they this early on in a film. The hero’s all use the gossip from the Empire spy and Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, BB-8, and C-3PO depart in the Millennium Falcon. Space trip!!!
They head for a Space desert that is like Mardi Gras with sand, it’s so lucky that these sandy terrains are common in space like they are common on Earth as Star Wars loves these arid landscapes. They get into a scrape as they always seem to do but with Stormtroopers being inept and despite being airborne, they now fail on both land and air to do anything other than being a source for explosions. C3-PO finally gets the chance to be of actual use but in his golden and splendid way he is unable to translate a Sith message orally and it remains unheard and unseen in his memory banks. Kylo Ren mentally Skype calls Rey and she forgets to turn off her location settings and he turns up. In the ensuing melee Rey turns up the bad ass levels and destroys an Empire ship containing the Wookie we all fell in love with Chewbacca. In a big fiery furball of fire he is gone, Rey is beside herself with regret and they all escape on board Not the Millennium Falcon. Another planet another mission to add to the collection sees the group hoping to find a brain surgeon to extract the Sith message from C3-PO. On planet Jim Henson we see a large collection of weird and wonderful puppets and cosplay experts. The downside of the brain surgery is it will format C3-PO to the factory settings so he can learn to be annoying to everyone all over again. A little shaved Mogwai turns out to be the master surgeon and he completes the job easily enough and they retrieve the message, but the worst fears are realised as C3-PO remembers no one.
From the furry flames Chewbacca, we find out is not dead but merely being pampered in the Empires many hair and nail bars. Sensing this fashion disaster waiting to happen Rey organises a rescue mission and they break into the Star Destroyer with relative ease until Poe, Finn are caught and assigned to death. Rey is on her own mission and breaks into Kylo Ren’s bachelor pad and has a look around and gets the Sith dagger and another Skype call from Kylo Ren is taken where he tells her some missing parts of her childhood and about her true lineage as a pesky Palpatine. The age-old Star Wars family is not who you think it is trope is wheeled out once more. Learning from her previous failures of her location services she refuses to tell Kylo but when the melted helmet of the original absent father Darth Vader falls at Kylo’s feet he knows she is in his room. Enraged in case he left any interspace porn lying around his room he quickly makes a run for his awesome ship.

With certain execution facing Poe, Finn and the now unlucky Chewie and the blasters set to wipe them out General Hux turns Rouge One and saves the heroes at the last second. With his turncoat and spy status ensured he shows his true childish colours and he wants Kylo Ren to lose because he has longer and hair on the darker side of black (maybe). Before allowing them to escape he asked for a blaster wound to give his story of them overpowering the guards some weight, surely a fool proof plan with your boss being able to mind read. He takes a blaster to the knee before hobbling to explain himself before being shot as the traitorous Rebel scum he is. If only he had lived long enough, he may have seen his wish come true. They well-travelled hero’s travel to space Astoria for another Goonies part of the quest where they see the remnants of the second Death Star and use the dagger doubloon to perfectly line up where the way finder is located. A big source of luck as the waves that engulf the planet and are crashing all around the wreck of the Deathstar have avoided any damage over the years. It’s deemed impossible to traverse the giant waves until morning but when Rey sees her opportunity she sails over the waves with relative ease while the rest of the heroes are chatting to a local about zero hour Strom trooper contracts and a lack of a good sickness benefit policy. As Rey makes it to the wreckage, she is met with Kylo Ren and they have a lightsaber battle after he smashes the way finder and asks her to join him in getting rid of Papa Palpatine and being the Sith power couple. Kylo seems to be building up the anger in Rey and trying to temp her to give in to her rage. Some great action shots and some force leaps make this a memorable fight scene until Leia ‘force times’ Kylo distracting him enough for Rey to become the victor. This is the last stand for Leia as she gives up the ghost and therefore becomes one of those ghost Jedi figures. With a sudden change of heart and with the wound barely open Rey uses her force healing abilities to fill Kylo’s hole right up before stealing his ship and leaving him stranded on Goonieland. With all this free time Kylo throws away his lightsaber and becomes Ben Solo once more and squeezes in a catch up with his old dad Han in dreamworld or memoryland.
Rey is now on a mission to destroy the Sith and the Emperor on the hidden planet now she has the map but only after setting Kylo’s sweet spaceship on fire and then realising her error. This impulsive nature may be leading to the dark side!! She heads to Exegol the Sith planet just as Palpatine is setting his sights on getting on with ending the Rebellion once and for all. If a job is worth doing its worth doing it yourself and orders the destruction of planet by a weapon that’s on each Star Destroyer. When Rey catches up with the Emperor, he is happy to see her and he invites her to strike him down, probably to become more powerful than we can imagine. Rey leaves a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs and she is followed by the resistance and they have a plan to take on the Final Order by destroying a central communication tower, so again a rather simple way to stop some heavy duty weaponry; the old classics are the best!!! It becomes a bit Star Wars of the Rings with space horses appearing and galloping to the rescue, not since the ill-fated days of the Phantom Menace has wildlife shocked me in such a manner. Back to the will she, won’t she, Rey and the Emperor are still wanting different things and Palpatine has invited the ghosts of Sith past to witness his greatest triumph. Rey has a choice of lightsaber’s due to Leia giving her an extra, maybe there was a reason for this!! Oh, wait Ben Solo has arrived lightsaberless what a stroke of luck!! Palpatine has had enough and he decides to drain both the Jedi’s of their life force and levels ups and gets back to rage mode and gets his lightning on. He dispatches Ben and then takes out the full resistance fleet with an impressive lightning show. Rey in her weakened state finally perfects the connection with the Jedi spirits that she failed at early in the film. Armed with the x-factor of crossed lightsabers she pushes the Emperor back and turns his own electricity and his face is melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Ben then comes back into the mix and repays the force healing from earlier and gives Rey the gift of life followed by a kiss. This is a kiss of death literally and he fades away into nothingness. In scenes not seen since the Avengers help arrives when all hope is gone, and the fight is won by the good guys again.

I felt that this film was too fast paced and had too many storylines that were quickly explored and this was at a detriment to what could have been. Maybe on repeat viewing there will be the chance to slow down and explore the potential of the film. Some scenes were for the older generation and some were for the newbies to the galaxy far, far away and this again was at a cost to the whole experience. This all being said the watch was enjoyable and had its genuine emotional moments and humour was used to break the tension at times with C3-PO having a few choice lines for once.
  
Shadows & Dreams
Shadows & Dreams
Alexis Hall | 2014 | LGBTQ+, Paranormal, Science Fiction/Fantasy
1
3.3 (3 Ratings)
Book Rating
Review** spoiler alert ** *Warning: contains spoilers, bad words, and quite a long rant*


To be honest, I was very disappointed in this book. It had a great premise, which meant it had the potential to be a really good story, but the writing style of the author just completely ruined this book for me.

The basic idea behind the story is that Kate Kane, a paranormal PI, sets off on a case to find the brother of a woman she slept with once, and during this investigation, she runs into ALL MANNER OF TROUBLE. There are vampires and werewolves and ex-girlfriends around every corner, just lurking and waiting to pounce on Miss Kane. It's a very busy and involved story, and if it had been better written, I would have easily given it four stars at least, but there was just TOO much about this book -- style-wise -- that drove me insane.

For instance:

1. The plot, itself, is actually fairly well thought out and developed and is nowhere NEAR as cheesy as it sounds when you hear, "Vampires fighting werewolves," -- which, let's be honest, these days is so trite and overdone that it is scoffed at on a regular basis. However, there IS a good story in this novel. But the way Hall writes the not-cheesy story is so cheesy that it makes you THINK the story is cheesy. A lot of cheese, huh? A little confusing? Well then, let me give you an example.

Page 7-8: "Truth be told it was a little bit awkward, but my social weirdness threshold has gone way up since my girlfriend tried to murder my ex-girlfriend because her ex-girlfriend tried to murder her."

Okay... a bit ridiculous, especially seven/eight pages in, but I can roll with it. However, at the bottom of page eight:

Kane asks, "Who saw him last?"
Her assistant -- who is actually a statue brought to life and gifted to Kate by a group of rats who are apparently all seeing and all knowing God-types -- says, "I don't know. [...] Probably somebody at the hospital."
Kane asks, "Which one?"
And the assistant replies with this fantastic line: "The Whittington. He broke his leg changing a light bulb. Because he was standing on a swivel chair because he's an idiot."

Okay, I concede that maybe this line is supposed to sound ridiculous and funny, so I can even let that one slide. But then, three pages later, Hall completely turns me off to the book with this:

"Well, fuck. I was about to be hired by a woman I'd very nearly slept with to find her missing brother who was working for the woman who'd left me for a tech startup at the tech startup she left me for."

Wh-wh-what?! Are you kidding me? Could that sentence BE anymore convoluted or that plot-point any more ridiculously stereotypical?

And what is truly awful is that the story itself REALLY WASN'T THAT BAD. I mean, the writing was awful, which, overall, meant that the novel was -- in my opinion, of course -- bad, but the way the story progressed WAS interesting. It was nowhere near as bad as these 'recaps' by the main character make it sound, but the problem is that Hall throws in these inner-monologues for Kane ALL throughout the book, and they are terrible! Which, in turn, decreases the value of the entire story.

Another example falls right on the heels of the page 11 jewel.

Page 14: "I really really hoped this wasn't going to be another zombie plague. There'd been an outbreak when I'd taken Eve up to Lake Windermere for our third anniversary, and we'd spent the whole weekend under siege in the hotel, making molotovs from the minibar and clubbing re-animated tourists to death with souvenir walking sticks."

Really? Zombies now? On top of the vampires, witches, and werewolves? Can we POSSIBLY fit anymore para into this normal?

Enough with that.

Now on to point number 2. The girl on girl sex scenes in this book between sexy, snarky PI and her vampire girlfriend, the Prince (yes, Prince) of Cups, should be hot, right? No. They are forced, fake, and ridiculous. Halfway through the first one, I thought, "Jesus. This isn't lesbian sex. This is lesbian sex if it was written by a man who WISHES he could see some lesbian sex." That was the point at which I decided to look up more info on Alexis Hall, and I found out that he is, in fact, a man, which at least explains the sex scenes.

#3. Speaking of sex scenes, Hall also has this really irritating -- and distracting -- habit of throwing in random, explicitly sexual thoughts at TOTALLY inappropriate times. Right in the middle of the most stressful situations -- being locked up, about to be killed, thrown in prison/on trial -- Kate Kane begins inner-monologuing with herself about how much she'd like to fuck whatever female happens to be standing in front of her. RIDICULOUS! And annoying. Hated it.

4. One of the MOST annoying things about this book, however, was that it was in DESPERATE need of a SERIOUS case of editing. All throughout the book there were glaring errors that any first year college student should have caught while reading. I'm willing to discount SOME of these "errors" as simply being lost in translation, as the book is written with a British tone, and I am very much American. However, SOME of these errors simply CANNOT be due to anything other than careless editing.

For instance, page 113: "It's main distinguishing feature, right, was that was it was blue."

WAS that WAS it WAS blue? What does that even mean? Oh, yes, it means that no one bothered editing this beast before printing.

Page 141: "Piercing the heart will paralyse, but it won't kill, and anything will do, it doesn't have to wood."

Okay, so maybe the "paralyse" is simply British, but surely the "doesn't have to wood" bit needs a "be" in there somewhere, right?

Page 157: "Have we have achieved case closed, Miss Kane?"

Yes, yes have we have.

There are several -- SEVERAL -- more examples of these type errors, but I'm not about to point them all out. If you read the book, I'm sure you'll easily catch them on your own.

5. Another thing that drove me NUTS was the repetition. The awful thing is I'm fairly certain that Hall used these repetitious lines PURPOSELY to create some kind of effect -- humor, maybe? Whatever the desired result, it failed to do anything other than annoy me.

For instance, page 163: "'Hi. So. Look.' I tried to find a way to express the fact I had some good news and some bad news that wasn't I've got some good news and some bad news. 'I've got some good news and some bad news.'"

...blink... ...falls over...

Page 177: "All the more reason to tell them. [...] If they know that we know that she has returned, then they will not be tempted to conspire against us out of the false belief that we do not know. Of course, they may already know, but at present, we have no way to know what they know. If we tell them, we will know what they know, and all we will not know is how long they have known it."

Oh. Jumping. Jesus. On. A. Pogo. Stick. Please tell me you aren't serious.

And there was this one thing that repeated over and over again throughout the book. The first time, it was actually pretty clever. The second time, even, was okay. But by the time I'd read it nine times -- yes, NINE TIMES, no exaggeration whatsoever -- I was ready to never EVER read anything like it ever again.

This particular phrase was something Kate Kane internalized or muttered aloud to herself each time she decided to do something stupid OR she felt her life was in danger. The basic format went something like this:

"Here lies Kate Kane, died peacefully in her sleep aged 94. Beloved daughter."

The "Here lies Kate Kane" part remained constant, as did the "Beloved daughter." It was only the middle part that changed, for instance, "Here lies Kate Kate. Should have minded her own business. Beloved daughter." Or perhaps, "Here lies Kate Kane. She made a difference to dozens. Beloved daughter."

This continued NINE TIMES. It is not cute, funny, or clever after about the second time, definitely after the third. BUT NINE TIMES?! Come on!

And finally, my last complaint.

6. Several of the items, scenes, quotes, etc. in this book seemed waaaaaaaaaay too close to things from other books for my taste. Perhaps it is simply a coincidence and the author did not intentionally siphon plot points and details from other authors -- except, of course, when he obviously did in his quotations, such as his use of "Not all those who wander are lost" and "As old as my tongue, a little bit older than my teeth" which are DIRECTLY taken from other books, but I'm hoping those were intentional and not attempted-to-get-away-with-it plagiarism.

But there are several things in this novel that could have been taken from Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files", Lewis' "Narnia" chronicles, and Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" series. I'm hoping, however, that they weren't, but they were very, very similar.

All in all, I'm disappointed to say that I was not a fan of this book at all, and I will most likely not be reading anymore Kate Kane books.