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Dana (24 KP) rated Empire of Storms in Books
Mar 23, 2018
This review will have a lot of spoilers for the books, so if you haven't read it, I suggest you turn away now. This is going to be a long review!
Let's start off with a character analysis section:
The Little Folk: I loved how they gave Aelin little gifts. I want more interaction with them in the next book!!
Elide Lochan: Elide doesn't see her own strength. She has been through hell, but still knows kindness and love. She has so much hope and is loyal to a fault. She loves Lorcan, but is constantly stopped by this idiocy. She has three freaking guardian angels: Aelin, Manon, and Aedion. She is a half-witch, which is cool! She was able to withstand the torment of the wyrdkey with little side effects! She is protected by the God of Death's consort which is cool because the God of Death is Lorcan's protector. She learns from and is strengthened by her crappy past. She can STILL LOVE AFTER EVERYTHING! Also, she is such a tricky schemer and a great liar!
Lorcan Salvaterre: He is a dummy and is too fixated on Maeve to see that he can have real love with Elide. He is death-protected by Hellas-and is a great hunter. He has a heart of gold underneath all that grime. He freaking makes Elide a brace for her ankle for goodness sake! Lorcan is vengeful as f, especially when Elide is threatened. I feel like he's going to be a big help to Aelin's course!
Aedion Ashryver: He's Bisexual!!! He is so in Love with Lysandra and is a flirtatious bastard. He doubts Aelin too much and questions her all the time. I get it, but it gets disheartening. He has a bad ass shot (that sea wyvern shot though!!) and is obviously a skilled warrior. He has an interestingly complicated relationship with his father. I love the the White Wolf of the North! I love his tattoo: the knot made of the courts' names!
Lysandra: Oh my goodness, she is so freaking strong! I love her powers! She is so protective of her girls, especially Evangeline. Her Snow Leopard and Sea Dragon forms are my favorite! She can and will conquer as many men as need be (mainly in killing, not sex). She loves Aedion and is so loyal to Aelin that she would literally become her.
Evangeline: She is the innocence of the group. When she goes, the group is harder and lacks the absolute faith that everything will be alright.
Fleetfoot: I love her, that is all.
Dorian Havillard: A king without a kingdom. He is a boy with powers he has no idea how to control. A boy whose friends left him. He has to learn his powers alone like he has all his life. He is trusting but questions things-he knows when he should hold back. He loves Manon and oh my sweet goodness, that cabinet scene. He is great at riddles too!
Mannon Blackbeak: OUR QUEEN!!!! She protects her own and can let go of prejudices when she needs to do the best for her people. She is so savage! She is a great leader willing to die for her thirteen. I can't wait until she kills her grandmother. SHE WILL BRING PEACE FOR HER PEOPLE!!!!! She obviously has feelings for Dorian.
Abraxos: He is the best damned wyvern ever. Even though Manon tells him to "go hide," he finds a freaking army and saves the day!
Gavriel: He's not the best dad, but he's working on it! He is too loyal to Maeve, but he cares about people. He is a lot more emotional than I would have guessed. Lol, Uncle Kitty-Cat.
Fenrys: He is such a sarcastic little ass, but a great warrior (both in the battlefield and in bed ;D). He kinda reminds me of Cassian. His situation sucks with Maeve because both he and his brother are basically prisoners and sex objects for the queen. I hope he will find a way to break the blood bond for him and his brother to help Aelin. Also, WINNOWING!!!
Queen Maeve: She is a witch with a capital B and I hate her.
Erawan: Power hungry as hell.
Elena: She is so dumb. I get it, she made a mistake, but she was still dumb. She acts before thinking and doesn't understand sacrifice or strategy. She pushed a war onto a group of children for goodness sake!
Rowan Whitethorn: He has come such a long way since Heir of Fire. He is so emotional and a freaking worry wart, loyal and trusting as hell, but he is still bad ass. He lets his woman fight when she needs to. He embraces the past mistakes of his friends and family. He is a horny little hawk. HE IS AELIN'S MATE AND HUSBAND!!! And he is the KING OF TERRASAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Strategic as hell-the thing with the Whitethorn cousins-hell yes! When he gets his hands on Maeve, shit will go down! VENGEANCE WILL BE HIS and Maeve will die horribly!! His reaction when he found out Aelin was captured was gut wrenching! Also, I loved it when he called Aelin Milady. Freaking great!
Aelin Ashryver Galanthys: She is always 500 steps ahead of everyone else. She shuts everyone down with her witty comebacks. She lets Aedion think the worst of her because she doesn't want to get their hopes up. She is not too trusting but is willing to sacrifice herself for everyone else. "But your faces are so wonderful when I get to reveal them." WOW AELIN!! When Deanna took over Aelins super power moment-I was terrified. I hate that she has to sacrifice herself. I just want her to be happy!! I loved how she pulled all of the characters from The Assassin's Blade into this! She's bloody brilliant! Using all of those Life Debts!! Her reaction to Elide is heartbreaking. Killing all of the Valg was great! When she slipped into the Celeana person, I go so freaking excited!! She was so close to settling and Maeve had to freaking ruined it all! She could have lived forever and been so happy!
Now onto some plot analysis:
So this book had a pretty awesome start since we got a flashback to the first war with Elena and Erawan. I love the little history throughout the book! The flashbacks with Elena and Nehemia were so freaking sad. I cried when they talked about Nehemia and Aelin's respective sacrifices. I feel like we get to go deeper into the history even though this is the second to last book!
Nicknames in all of Sarah J Maas' books are so cute! I love how Aelin and Rowan call each other Fireheart and Buzzard.
Family (especially chosen and made family) is so important in all of Sarah J Maas' books. Characters are willing to die to protect those they love and I think that's something important to put into books. The fact that you can always find a home in your people is very nice to see.
Women are the ones to be truly feared in this series because they have the most power. They are all so badass and never take shit from the male characters!
The multiple PoVs were very well done. As you may have realized from my other reviews, I am not a fan on multiple PoV novels much, so the fact I loved this one is great!
I think it was really cool how each character is being guided by at least one God. I have a crackpot theory about this that connects this series to the ACOTAR series. So it is stated multiple times that the Gods want to "go home" because they are trapped, right? So what if they are our Night Court Crew? Some of the descriptions of the powers fit!
I loved how SJM described the process of the magic weilding.
There was a great plot structure and pacing.
The Mycenians are so interesting! I called it that Rolfe was a Mycenian before I got to that part!
I want to know what Rowan said to Rolfe back at Skull's Bay.
All the ships got to have fun time together. Well, except for Elide and Lorcan.
I wish we could have had Choal and Nesryn in this book, but I understand why we didn't.
One thing I didn't like was how similar some of the plot points and characters were to ACOTAR and ACOMAF. Even thought they're both by SJM, I wish there wasnt' as much overlap.
Overall, I loved this book--a few thinggs could have been changed to keep it more significantly different from ACOTAR but it was still great.
Some Quotes I loved:
"Because destroying a symbol can break the spirits of men as much as bloodshed." (44)
"To call in old debts and promises. To raise an army of assassins and thieves and exiles and commoners. To finish what was started long, long ago." (72)
"One does not deal with Celeana Sardothian. One survives her." (241)
"Even when this world is a forgotten whisper if dust between the stars, I will love you." (350)
Let's start off with a character analysis section:
The Little Folk: I loved how they gave Aelin little gifts. I want more interaction with them in the next book!!
Elide Lochan: Elide doesn't see her own strength. She has been through hell, but still knows kindness and love. She has so much hope and is loyal to a fault. She loves Lorcan, but is constantly stopped by this idiocy. She has three freaking guardian angels: Aelin, Manon, and Aedion. She is a half-witch, which is cool! She was able to withstand the torment of the wyrdkey with little side effects! She is protected by the God of Death's consort which is cool because the God of Death is Lorcan's protector. She learns from and is strengthened by her crappy past. She can STILL LOVE AFTER EVERYTHING! Also, she is such a tricky schemer and a great liar!
Lorcan Salvaterre: He is a dummy and is too fixated on Maeve to see that he can have real love with Elide. He is death-protected by Hellas-and is a great hunter. He has a heart of gold underneath all that grime. He freaking makes Elide a brace for her ankle for goodness sake! Lorcan is vengeful as f, especially when Elide is threatened. I feel like he's going to be a big help to Aelin's course!
Aedion Ashryver: He's Bisexual!!! He is so in Love with Lysandra and is a flirtatious bastard. He doubts Aelin too much and questions her all the time. I get it, but it gets disheartening. He has a bad ass shot (that sea wyvern shot though!!) and is obviously a skilled warrior. He has an interestingly complicated relationship with his father. I love the the White Wolf of the North! I love his tattoo: the knot made of the courts' names!
Lysandra: Oh my goodness, she is so freaking strong! I love her powers! She is so protective of her girls, especially Evangeline. Her Snow Leopard and Sea Dragon forms are my favorite! She can and will conquer as many men as need be (mainly in killing, not sex). She loves Aedion and is so loyal to Aelin that she would literally become her.
Evangeline: She is the innocence of the group. When she goes, the group is harder and lacks the absolute faith that everything will be alright.
Fleetfoot: I love her, that is all.
Dorian Havillard: A king without a kingdom. He is a boy with powers he has no idea how to control. A boy whose friends left him. He has to learn his powers alone like he has all his life. He is trusting but questions things-he knows when he should hold back. He loves Manon and oh my sweet goodness, that cabinet scene. He is great at riddles too!
Mannon Blackbeak: OUR QUEEN!!!! She protects her own and can let go of prejudices when she needs to do the best for her people. She is so savage! She is a great leader willing to die for her thirteen. I can't wait until she kills her grandmother. SHE WILL BRING PEACE FOR HER PEOPLE!!!!! She obviously has feelings for Dorian.
Abraxos: He is the best damned wyvern ever. Even though Manon tells him to "go hide," he finds a freaking army and saves the day!
Gavriel: He's not the best dad, but he's working on it! He is too loyal to Maeve, but he cares about people. He is a lot more emotional than I would have guessed. Lol, Uncle Kitty-Cat.
Fenrys: He is such a sarcastic little ass, but a great warrior (both in the battlefield and in bed ;D). He kinda reminds me of Cassian. His situation sucks with Maeve because both he and his brother are basically prisoners and sex objects for the queen. I hope he will find a way to break the blood bond for him and his brother to help Aelin. Also, WINNOWING!!!
Queen Maeve: She is a witch with a capital B and I hate her.
Erawan: Power hungry as hell.
Elena: She is so dumb. I get it, she made a mistake, but she was still dumb. She acts before thinking and doesn't understand sacrifice or strategy. She pushed a war onto a group of children for goodness sake!
Rowan Whitethorn: He has come such a long way since Heir of Fire. He is so emotional and a freaking worry wart, loyal and trusting as hell, but he is still bad ass. He lets his woman fight when she needs to. He embraces the past mistakes of his friends and family. He is a horny little hawk. HE IS AELIN'S MATE AND HUSBAND!!! And he is the KING OF TERRASAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Strategic as hell-the thing with the Whitethorn cousins-hell yes! When he gets his hands on Maeve, shit will go down! VENGEANCE WILL BE HIS and Maeve will die horribly!! His reaction when he found out Aelin was captured was gut wrenching! Also, I loved it when he called Aelin Milady. Freaking great!
Aelin Ashryver Galanthys: She is always 500 steps ahead of everyone else. She shuts everyone down with her witty comebacks. She lets Aedion think the worst of her because she doesn't want to get their hopes up. She is not too trusting but is willing to sacrifice herself for everyone else. "But your faces are so wonderful when I get to reveal them." WOW AELIN!! When Deanna took over Aelins super power moment-I was terrified. I hate that she has to sacrifice herself. I just want her to be happy!! I loved how she pulled all of the characters from The Assassin's Blade into this! She's bloody brilliant! Using all of those Life Debts!! Her reaction to Elide is heartbreaking. Killing all of the Valg was great! When she slipped into the Celeana person, I go so freaking excited!! She was so close to settling and Maeve had to freaking ruined it all! She could have lived forever and been so happy!
Now onto some plot analysis:
So this book had a pretty awesome start since we got a flashback to the first war with Elena and Erawan. I love the little history throughout the book! The flashbacks with Elena and Nehemia were so freaking sad. I cried when they talked about Nehemia and Aelin's respective sacrifices. I feel like we get to go deeper into the history even though this is the second to last book!
Nicknames in all of Sarah J Maas' books are so cute! I love how Aelin and Rowan call each other Fireheart and Buzzard.
Family (especially chosen and made family) is so important in all of Sarah J Maas' books. Characters are willing to die to protect those they love and I think that's something important to put into books. The fact that you can always find a home in your people is very nice to see.
Women are the ones to be truly feared in this series because they have the most power. They are all so badass and never take shit from the male characters!
The multiple PoVs were very well done. As you may have realized from my other reviews, I am not a fan on multiple PoV novels much, so the fact I loved this one is great!
I think it was really cool how each character is being guided by at least one God. I have a crackpot theory about this that connects this series to the ACOTAR series. So it is stated multiple times that the Gods want to "go home" because they are trapped, right? So what if they are our Night Court Crew? Some of the descriptions of the powers fit!
I loved how SJM described the process of the magic weilding.
There was a great plot structure and pacing.
The Mycenians are so interesting! I called it that Rolfe was a Mycenian before I got to that part!
I want to know what Rowan said to Rolfe back at Skull's Bay.
All the ships got to have fun time together. Well, except for Elide and Lorcan.
I wish we could have had Choal and Nesryn in this book, but I understand why we didn't.
One thing I didn't like was how similar some of the plot points and characters were to ACOTAR and ACOMAF. Even thought they're both by SJM, I wish there wasnt' as much overlap.
Overall, I loved this book--a few thinggs could have been changed to keep it more significantly different from ACOTAR but it was still great.
Some Quotes I loved:
"Because destroying a symbol can break the spirits of men as much as bloodshed." (44)
"To call in old debts and promises. To raise an army of assassins and thieves and exiles and commoners. To finish what was started long, long ago." (72)
"One does not deal with Celeana Sardothian. One survives her." (241)
"Even when this world is a forgotten whisper if dust between the stars, I will love you." (350)
A Bibliophagist (113 KP) rated Throne of Glass in Books
Feb 5, 2020 (Updated Feb 5, 2020)
Good start (2 more)
Good finish
Intial character introductions
Formulaic (1 more)
Celeana never does anything she says she can do
Something special ruined by the YA formula
This is another tough one to review, primarily because it started so good for me, then just ended as a whimper.
First of all, this was one of my "force myself out of my norm" picks. I forced myself to pick two popular books, that didn't interest me, and give them a chance. This was the biggest "no interest" pick. The cover alone is just so bad I was embarrassed to be buying it at the bookstore by the art school I work at. What if one of my Illustration students see, will I be deemed unworthy to teach them if I buy a book so ugly and anatomically incorrect? Like seriously, why is her torso so long. Is she just insanely tall? Is she hunched or does she have no neck? It's just... awful.
Also, it's a genre I don't gel well with, fantasy just isn't my jam, I get so mad that SciFi is always lumped in with Fantasy. So, the perfect choice I suppose.
When I first started, I texted my partner and told him "holy crap, I actually am enjoying this". I was shocked, surprised. So far the YA darling of a book wasn't stereotypically YA. The main character was deep and interesting and had a thick backstory. Yea they've already introduced two perfectly perfect love interested for her, but whatever, this is actually interesting.
The book follows the acclaimed assassin, Calaena, young, utterly gorgeous and snarky, deadly. In theory a textbook YA heroine. But she is far from a Mary Sue (in the beginning) her backstory is interesting and rich. She's hardened by a year in prison death labor camp. A camp she is offered freedom from if she accepts the Prince's offer; his father wants a "champion" (aka a dubious person to assassinate and otherwise do his dirty work) and she is the Prince's pick. Should she accept, she'll go against other noble's picks and participate in a competition proving their worth. The winner gets freedom and serves as the champion for X amount of years. Losers go back to whatever prison or hole they crawled out of. So while Celeana doesn't much want to be a lackey to some Princeling or King, she doesn't want to go back to the death labor camp either.
So if you can't tell already, enter love interest #1, the sassy, broody Prince Dorian. Perfect in all ways, except for birthright. Could someone like Celeana ever love him? Dun Dun DUnnnnn. Also enter love interest 2, captain of the guard Chaol, the prince's childhood friend, quiet, introverted, job-focused. Doesn't trust her at all, but could she break him down? What will happen if two best friends fall for the same saucy assassin? DUN DUN DUNNNN
So obviously, she accepts, and is taken to the great glass palace to await the competition, where we have a veritable Beauty and the Beast situation, she's provided lavish accommodation, beautiful dresses, and sadly starts to become a Mary Sue. But not quite yet, first, we get some actually really interesting story, hints at the world we're in, going through a once magical forest, with something in the night leaving flowers at the foot of Celeana's bed, hinting at perhaps her lineage being more magical than we think. We also get introduced to the competition, a lineup of stereotypical gruff dudes, with the bad guy being so obvious he might as well as a spotlight on him (unfortunately this book doesn't really have a twist). Also, enter love interest 3? I utilize the question mark because this one isn't really persued, but feels like it's meant to be something. A handsome, young, way too nice unsavory that she aligns herself with. No one knows who she is, and she goes under a pseudonym while in the palace, hoping to make people underestimate her. The first parts of the competition are interesting, the book is actually conscious of how out of shape she'd be, and takes pains to be detailed (sometimes overly detailed, like the page about her period, I'm in no means ashamed of my period, but the page literally did nothing but further the stereotype that we are completely immobile and need a day off while on it. I wish the author impowered Celeana by having her be in pain, but still be a badass).
As the competition progresses, however, competitors begin dying in gruesome ways, that aren't related to the competition. Concern rises, and whispers of the old magic are everywhere. Celeana now needs to survive this competition, survive whatever is killing her competitors, and solve the mystery happening in the castle. Oh and of course, figure out how to go to that ball and which boy she wants.
Unfortunately, after the first competition-related thing, this book started going downhill for me. Gone was this interest main character, and replaced was a stereotypical Mary Sue that forgets she's an assassin a lot. She rarely does anything Assasin like actually, beyond some internal dialogue in which she thinks about assasin things. It goes from describing the competition to suddenly being like "there were two more trials, Celeana rocked them" skipping ahead a glossing over the competition entirely, choosing instead to focus on the growing tension between her and the two boys, and dangling the very obvious bad guy in front of us as if we're going to be ever so surprised when we find out it's exactly who we thought it was. I want those trials, I want to know what happened and see her thoughts, something to remind me she's an assassin and not a giggling school girl more than ready for court life. Having stereotypical scenes of playing Billiards and Dorian holding her to show her how to do it. Don't even get me started on the Billiards, a fantasy book, using freak in billiards, make up a game for goodness sake, but to utilize a surprisingly modern game in a high fantasy setting made me laugh out loud for the wrong reasons. She gets a puppy, that hates everyone but her, befriends a badass princess (the most interesting thing in this book) and fights off some baddies. Too bad most of the focus was on the rushed, completely chemistry-free relationship between her and Dorian, they see each other like 4 times and are willing to give everything up for each other, it's painful. Honestly, even when I let my mind lapse into YA mode and allow myself to enjoy a fun YA romance, this is not how to do it. Also, Team Chaol all the way.
So the competition takes a considerable step back, and so does my interest. I would argue that the concept in this story is solid and interesting, but executed poorly, which is odd because the beginning proves to be the author can write well, it just feels like she second-guessed herself and decided to stop doing an actually interesting story and instead focus on being stereotypically YA. But there are little gems in here, an interesting world is hinted at, likable and interesting characters are glimpsed in the beginning before she lost interest in developing them. An undercurrent of well thought out mystery and magic. But all of these things took a backseat to fulfil the YA formula instead. I'm going to read the next book just to see if this world becomes more of the focus, but if it doesn't I'll have to stop, this series is just way too long to deal with the same formula over and over.
She almost got me, she was so close, I just wish this book had been consistent and focused on the plot. I wish she had let Celeana be the strong character she implied in the beginning rather than a stereotypical YA girl. I get she was fulfilling the life she never had, but in a situation where she needed to really be HER to get her freedom, it just doesn't feel like the appropriate time for wish fulfillment I wish, if there had to be romance, it had more oomf, made me feel things, made me care. Unfortunately, it didn't have these things, so this book was a bit of a flop for me. So I'm hoping, she'll prove me wrong in the second one, and let the story I see she's made and spent loving time on shine, rather than hide it underneath the guaranteed to sell formula plaguing young adult books.
First of all, this was one of my "force myself out of my norm" picks. I forced myself to pick two popular books, that didn't interest me, and give them a chance. This was the biggest "no interest" pick. The cover alone is just so bad I was embarrassed to be buying it at the bookstore by the art school I work at. What if one of my Illustration students see, will I be deemed unworthy to teach them if I buy a book so ugly and anatomically incorrect? Like seriously, why is her torso so long. Is she just insanely tall? Is she hunched or does she have no neck? It's just... awful.
Also, it's a genre I don't gel well with, fantasy just isn't my jam, I get so mad that SciFi is always lumped in with Fantasy. So, the perfect choice I suppose.
When I first started, I texted my partner and told him "holy crap, I actually am enjoying this". I was shocked, surprised. So far the YA darling of a book wasn't stereotypically YA. The main character was deep and interesting and had a thick backstory. Yea they've already introduced two perfectly perfect love interested for her, but whatever, this is actually interesting.
The book follows the acclaimed assassin, Calaena, young, utterly gorgeous and snarky, deadly. In theory a textbook YA heroine. But she is far from a Mary Sue (in the beginning) her backstory is interesting and rich. She's hardened by a year in prison death labor camp. A camp she is offered freedom from if she accepts the Prince's offer; his father wants a "champion" (aka a dubious person to assassinate and otherwise do his dirty work) and she is the Prince's pick. Should she accept, she'll go against other noble's picks and participate in a competition proving their worth. The winner gets freedom and serves as the champion for X amount of years. Losers go back to whatever prison or hole they crawled out of. So while Celeana doesn't much want to be a lackey to some Princeling or King, she doesn't want to go back to the death labor camp either.
So if you can't tell already, enter love interest #1, the sassy, broody Prince Dorian. Perfect in all ways, except for birthright. Could someone like Celeana ever love him? Dun Dun DUnnnnn. Also enter love interest 2, captain of the guard Chaol, the prince's childhood friend, quiet, introverted, job-focused. Doesn't trust her at all, but could she break him down? What will happen if two best friends fall for the same saucy assassin? DUN DUN DUNNNN
So obviously, she accepts, and is taken to the great glass palace to await the competition, where we have a veritable Beauty and the Beast situation, she's provided lavish accommodation, beautiful dresses, and sadly starts to become a Mary Sue. But not quite yet, first, we get some actually really interesting story, hints at the world we're in, going through a once magical forest, with something in the night leaving flowers at the foot of Celeana's bed, hinting at perhaps her lineage being more magical than we think. We also get introduced to the competition, a lineup of stereotypical gruff dudes, with the bad guy being so obvious he might as well as a spotlight on him (unfortunately this book doesn't really have a twist). Also, enter love interest 3? I utilize the question mark because this one isn't really persued, but feels like it's meant to be something. A handsome, young, way too nice unsavory that she aligns herself with. No one knows who she is, and she goes under a pseudonym while in the palace, hoping to make people underestimate her. The first parts of the competition are interesting, the book is actually conscious of how out of shape she'd be, and takes pains to be detailed (sometimes overly detailed, like the page about her period, I'm in no means ashamed of my period, but the page literally did nothing but further the stereotype that we are completely immobile and need a day off while on it. I wish the author impowered Celeana by having her be in pain, but still be a badass).
As the competition progresses, however, competitors begin dying in gruesome ways, that aren't related to the competition. Concern rises, and whispers of the old magic are everywhere. Celeana now needs to survive this competition, survive whatever is killing her competitors, and solve the mystery happening in the castle. Oh and of course, figure out how to go to that ball and which boy she wants.
Unfortunately, after the first competition-related thing, this book started going downhill for me. Gone was this interest main character, and replaced was a stereotypical Mary Sue that forgets she's an assassin a lot. She rarely does anything Assasin like actually, beyond some internal dialogue in which she thinks about assasin things. It goes from describing the competition to suddenly being like "there were two more trials, Celeana rocked them" skipping ahead a glossing over the competition entirely, choosing instead to focus on the growing tension between her and the two boys, and dangling the very obvious bad guy in front of us as if we're going to be ever so surprised when we find out it's exactly who we thought it was. I want those trials, I want to know what happened and see her thoughts, something to remind me she's an assassin and not a giggling school girl more than ready for court life. Having stereotypical scenes of playing Billiards and Dorian holding her to show her how to do it. Don't even get me started on the Billiards, a fantasy book, using freak in billiards, make up a game for goodness sake, but to utilize a surprisingly modern game in a high fantasy setting made me laugh out loud for the wrong reasons. She gets a puppy, that hates everyone but her, befriends a badass princess (the most interesting thing in this book) and fights off some baddies. Too bad most of the focus was on the rushed, completely chemistry-free relationship between her and Dorian, they see each other like 4 times and are willing to give everything up for each other, it's painful. Honestly, even when I let my mind lapse into YA mode and allow myself to enjoy a fun YA romance, this is not how to do it. Also, Team Chaol all the way.
So the competition takes a considerable step back, and so does my interest. I would argue that the concept in this story is solid and interesting, but executed poorly, which is odd because the beginning proves to be the author can write well, it just feels like she second-guessed herself and decided to stop doing an actually interesting story and instead focus on being stereotypically YA. But there are little gems in here, an interesting world is hinted at, likable and interesting characters are glimpsed in the beginning before she lost interest in developing them. An undercurrent of well thought out mystery and magic. But all of these things took a backseat to fulfil the YA formula instead. I'm going to read the next book just to see if this world becomes more of the focus, but if it doesn't I'll have to stop, this series is just way too long to deal with the same formula over and over.
She almost got me, she was so close, I just wish this book had been consistent and focused on the plot. I wish she had let Celeana be the strong character she implied in the beginning rather than a stereotypical YA girl. I get she was fulfilling the life she never had, but in a situation where she needed to really be HER to get her freedom, it just doesn't feel like the appropriate time for wish fulfillment I wish, if there had to be romance, it had more oomf, made me feel things, made me care. Unfortunately, it didn't have these things, so this book was a bit of a flop for me. So I'm hoping, she'll prove me wrong in the second one, and let the story I see she's made and spent loving time on shine, rather than hide it underneath the guaranteed to sell formula plaguing young adult books.
Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated AVP - Alien Vs. Predator (2004) in Movies
Aug 14, 2019
For over a decade fans of the “Alien” and “Predator” films series have been tempted by various rumors regarding a proposed film that would match the two titans in an epic onscreen clash to determine who is the ultimate Sci-Fi bad guy.
Sadly none of the rumors panned out as one script after another was rejected ranging from issues over proposed budgets in excess of $200 million to lack of a human character dynamic. Fans continued to follow the series in the only ways that they could, comics, books, and games all the while hoping that someday a film would come.
Thankfully the wait is over as “Alien VS Predator” has come to fruition under the guidance of writer/director Paul Anderson who has an impressive science fiction track record with “Event Horizon” and “Resident Evil” amongst his credits. While some fans debated if Anderson was the right person for the project, few can dispute his passion for the series.
The film stars Lance Henriksen as Billionaire Charles Weyland, who discovers a large pyramid beneath the ice in Antarctica thanks to one of his satellites. Knowing that this could be the find of a lifetime, Weyland assembles a team of drillers, archeologists, climbers, and support personal and rushes to the harsh location to investigate the location before any other interested parties can discover his find and claim it for themselves.
Upon arriving at the location, the team discovers a massive pyramid that shows connections to all of the other pyramids on earth causing the team to believe that they have proof that the pyramids of earth were influenced by an outside culture whom the natives worshipped.
The presence of human remains in a sacrificial chamber only helps to strengthen this belief and the team continues to explore the pyramid to see what other grand treasures lay within. Upon arrival, the team has unknowingly awakened a captive alien queen from stasis and long dormant machines awaken and begin harvesting the eggs from the captive queen, Each egg is filled with a deadly face hugger that will not only kill the host it attaches itself to, but will produce an alien who is as deadly as it is relentless.
As if this was not bad enough for the team, a ship enters earth orbit and a landing craft of young predator males hurries to the pyramid. The predators are aware of the human’s presence and arrive ready for battle. It is learned that the predators use the aliens as a coming of age ritual as they are very deadly and seen as a worthy test of a young males worth.
Before long, the humans are caught in nightmare come to life as Weyland, his guide Lex (Sanaa Lathan), and the rest of the team are caught in the middle of a deadly battle between the aliens and predators with death and destruction all around them. The team has no idea what the creatures are, but they know that they are very deadly and their dwindling numbers only underscores this fact and their need to escape from the pyramid, which has become like a gigantic puzzle as it is constantly reconfiguring itself causing passages that were once wide open to become blocked.
To compound the peril of the situation, the team is 2000 ft below the ice and a storm is raging on the surface making the escape and elements as deadly as the bizarre creatures.
“AVP” combines the old-fashioned monster and haunted house movies of old to create a thrilling blend of action and Science fiction that is sure to delight fans. My biggest fault with the film was that it was not long enough as the 100 minute running time passed quickly and I was left wanting even more as good as the action sequences were I had hoped that there would be more of them. The film is also light on scares and tension as Anderson seems to have decided that the audience for this film would know about the title creatures already so time did not need to be spent on reintroductions.
The action sequences in the film are solid and they had the audience in my press screener cheering loudly and often as the two cinematic titans waged war. The pacing of the film is brisk and the lighting and visuals of the film are used well to create the atmosphere, I found the sequences were flashlights and laser sites probed the dark areas of the pyramid to be fascinating to watch as the eerie glow was appropriate to the mood of the film.
True the film does not have much in the way of complex plot, character development, or much for the cast to do other than be middlemen to the title creatures, but Anderson stays true to the source material and delivers a solid tale the largely protects the continuity of the “Alien” series and paves the way for future installments.
While some may find issue with the toned down nature of the films violence compared to others in the series, I found that I was still able to enjoy the film and I am sure a rematch between the title characters is something fans everywhere will be waiting for.
Sadly none of the rumors panned out as one script after another was rejected ranging from issues over proposed budgets in excess of $200 million to lack of a human character dynamic. Fans continued to follow the series in the only ways that they could, comics, books, and games all the while hoping that someday a film would come.
Thankfully the wait is over as “Alien VS Predator” has come to fruition under the guidance of writer/director Paul Anderson who has an impressive science fiction track record with “Event Horizon” and “Resident Evil” amongst his credits. While some fans debated if Anderson was the right person for the project, few can dispute his passion for the series.
The film stars Lance Henriksen as Billionaire Charles Weyland, who discovers a large pyramid beneath the ice in Antarctica thanks to one of his satellites. Knowing that this could be the find of a lifetime, Weyland assembles a team of drillers, archeologists, climbers, and support personal and rushes to the harsh location to investigate the location before any other interested parties can discover his find and claim it for themselves.
Upon arriving at the location, the team discovers a massive pyramid that shows connections to all of the other pyramids on earth causing the team to believe that they have proof that the pyramids of earth were influenced by an outside culture whom the natives worshipped.
The presence of human remains in a sacrificial chamber only helps to strengthen this belief and the team continues to explore the pyramid to see what other grand treasures lay within. Upon arrival, the team has unknowingly awakened a captive alien queen from stasis and long dormant machines awaken and begin harvesting the eggs from the captive queen, Each egg is filled with a deadly face hugger that will not only kill the host it attaches itself to, but will produce an alien who is as deadly as it is relentless.
As if this was not bad enough for the team, a ship enters earth orbit and a landing craft of young predator males hurries to the pyramid. The predators are aware of the human’s presence and arrive ready for battle. It is learned that the predators use the aliens as a coming of age ritual as they are very deadly and seen as a worthy test of a young males worth.
Before long, the humans are caught in nightmare come to life as Weyland, his guide Lex (Sanaa Lathan), and the rest of the team are caught in the middle of a deadly battle between the aliens and predators with death and destruction all around them. The team has no idea what the creatures are, but they know that they are very deadly and their dwindling numbers only underscores this fact and their need to escape from the pyramid, which has become like a gigantic puzzle as it is constantly reconfiguring itself causing passages that were once wide open to become blocked.
To compound the peril of the situation, the team is 2000 ft below the ice and a storm is raging on the surface making the escape and elements as deadly as the bizarre creatures.
“AVP” combines the old-fashioned monster and haunted house movies of old to create a thrilling blend of action and Science fiction that is sure to delight fans. My biggest fault with the film was that it was not long enough as the 100 minute running time passed quickly and I was left wanting even more as good as the action sequences were I had hoped that there would be more of them. The film is also light on scares and tension as Anderson seems to have decided that the audience for this film would know about the title creatures already so time did not need to be spent on reintroductions.
The action sequences in the film are solid and they had the audience in my press screener cheering loudly and often as the two cinematic titans waged war. The pacing of the film is brisk and the lighting and visuals of the film are used well to create the atmosphere, I found the sequences were flashlights and laser sites probed the dark areas of the pyramid to be fascinating to watch as the eerie glow was appropriate to the mood of the film.
True the film does not have much in the way of complex plot, character development, or much for the cast to do other than be middlemen to the title creatures, but Anderson stays true to the source material and delivers a solid tale the largely protects the continuity of the “Alien” series and paves the way for future installments.
While some may find issue with the toned down nature of the films violence compared to others in the series, I found that I was still able to enjoy the film and I am sure a rematch between the title characters is something fans everywhere will be waiting for.
Darren (1599 KP) rated Annabelle Comes Home (2019) in Movies
Jul 10, 2019
Director: Gary Dauberman
Writer: Gary Dauberman (Screenplay) James Wan (Story)
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Mckenna Grace, Madison Iseman, Katie Sarife, Michael Cimino, Samara Lee
Plot: While babysitting the daughter of Ed and Lorraine Warren, a teenager and her friend unknowingly awaken an evil spirit trapped in a doll.
Tagline – The Next Chapter In The Conjuring Universe
Runtime: 1 Hour 46 Minutes
There may be spoilers in the rest of the review
Verdict: Relentless Scares
Story: Annabelle Comes Home starts one year after the Warren’s Ed (Wilson) and Lorraine (Farmiga) bring the Annabelle doll home, knowing its power to control the other items inside their blessed room. With Ed and Lorraine going on a business trip, it leaves their daughter Judy (Grace) with girl next door babysitter Mary Ellen (Iseman), who has planned a little birthday surprise.
When Mary Ellen’s best friend Daniela (Sarife) decides to visit, with questions about the house, getting a moment alone, she sneaks into the blessed room, only to unleash a host of evil upon the three for a night of terror, all thanks to the dreaded Annabelle doll.
Thoughts on Annabelle Comes Home
Characters – Judy Warren is the daughter of the famous paranormal investigators, she is treated differently at school because of this, with some students being scared, while others just bully her, she does see spirits too and is a shy little girl, she just wants to make friends like any young girl and is struggling with the fact nobody will be her friend except her babysitter Mary Ellen. She does know how to handle herself when hauntings start happening around her house though. Mary Ellen is the girl next door babysitter, she might well be worried about who will take her to homecoming, but she is a friend that Judy needs. Daniela Rios is the best friend of Mary Ellen, she invites herself over to look around, in hopes that she could find a way to connect with her deceased father, whose death was an accident, but she believes was her fault, she unleashes all the evil items on the household, which would make her truly horrible, until you add in the reason why she is trying to find forgiveness. Ed and Lorraine are the familiar faces, only they are basically extended cameos in the film. Bob is the love interest of Mary Ellen and he does through the generic awkward moments of trying to ask her out, he is good for a laugh too.
Performances – McKenna Grace takes over the role of the daughter, she does make us believe that her character has become distant from the world around her, makes us believe she is feeling lonely and isolated too. Madison Iseman makes for an easy pick for the babysitter, she comes off friendly and gives the scream level required to show the fear. Katie Sarife is strong as friend who unleashes everything, somehow making a character we could hate feel sympathy towards. Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson do seem to be here as a draw, only they are barely even in the film.
Story – The story here follows a babysitter’s friend visiting the Warren’s house who unleashes all the evil from the safety, only for the three girls needing to put a halt to this before they can become the latest victims of the curses they have. This story does have a few positives and negatives, the first positive being see how the daughter of the Warren’s is struggling with making connections in life because of their work, we could have easily dived deeper with this, but it was nice to see a change in why somebody is isolated. The pure number of different evil figures we meet through the film is brilliant to see because this opens the doors to seemingly endless amounts of spin off movies now, which could be seen as a negative because, while this is an Annabelle movie, it does tend to focus on the other evil, instead of the main one attached to Annabelle. We could get into character decisions, which aren’t the smartest especially when it comes to knowing who the character of Judy is meant to be.
Horror/Mystery – The horror in the film, is an endless amounts of jump scares, this does work because each does have its own way of being effective, even if a lot if music goes silent and either a boom or something charging the screen. The mystery comes from each new evil that we get to see, we get glimpses into a few leading us to only want to know more.
Settings – The film is set in one singular location, the Warren house, this has all the evil set up within it, which means once it comes out and traps them, they don’t know what will come next.
Special Effects – The effect in the film are strong throughout, with each creation look different, with a couple of tricks for the Ferryman coming off nicely.
Scene of the Movie – The circular shot, I am a fan of this shot even if it was the same as the Nun.
That Moment That Annoyed Me – I can’t help but think one of the rules for babysitting at the Warren’s, would be, anything slightly strange happens, get out until we come home.
Final Thoughts – This is a nice jump scare filled horror, it has plenty of references to the previous films and does leave us wanting more from this universe.
Overall: Jump scares for everyone.
Rating
Writer: Gary Dauberman (Screenplay) James Wan (Story)
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Mckenna Grace, Madison Iseman, Katie Sarife, Michael Cimino, Samara Lee
Plot: While babysitting the daughter of Ed and Lorraine Warren, a teenager and her friend unknowingly awaken an evil spirit trapped in a doll.
Tagline – The Next Chapter In The Conjuring Universe
Runtime: 1 Hour 46 Minutes
There may be spoilers in the rest of the review
Verdict: Relentless Scares
Story: Annabelle Comes Home starts one year after the Warren’s Ed (Wilson) and Lorraine (Farmiga) bring the Annabelle doll home, knowing its power to control the other items inside their blessed room. With Ed and Lorraine going on a business trip, it leaves their daughter Judy (Grace) with girl next door babysitter Mary Ellen (Iseman), who has planned a little birthday surprise.
When Mary Ellen’s best friend Daniela (Sarife) decides to visit, with questions about the house, getting a moment alone, she sneaks into the blessed room, only to unleash a host of evil upon the three for a night of terror, all thanks to the dreaded Annabelle doll.
Thoughts on Annabelle Comes Home
Characters – Judy Warren is the daughter of the famous paranormal investigators, she is treated differently at school because of this, with some students being scared, while others just bully her, she does see spirits too and is a shy little girl, she just wants to make friends like any young girl and is struggling with the fact nobody will be her friend except her babysitter Mary Ellen. She does know how to handle herself when hauntings start happening around her house though. Mary Ellen is the girl next door babysitter, she might well be worried about who will take her to homecoming, but she is a friend that Judy needs. Daniela Rios is the best friend of Mary Ellen, she invites herself over to look around, in hopes that she could find a way to connect with her deceased father, whose death was an accident, but she believes was her fault, she unleashes all the evil items on the household, which would make her truly horrible, until you add in the reason why she is trying to find forgiveness. Ed and Lorraine are the familiar faces, only they are basically extended cameos in the film. Bob is the love interest of Mary Ellen and he does through the generic awkward moments of trying to ask her out, he is good for a laugh too.
Performances – McKenna Grace takes over the role of the daughter, she does make us believe that her character has become distant from the world around her, makes us believe she is feeling lonely and isolated too. Madison Iseman makes for an easy pick for the babysitter, she comes off friendly and gives the scream level required to show the fear. Katie Sarife is strong as friend who unleashes everything, somehow making a character we could hate feel sympathy towards. Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson do seem to be here as a draw, only they are barely even in the film.
Story – The story here follows a babysitter’s friend visiting the Warren’s house who unleashes all the evil from the safety, only for the three girls needing to put a halt to this before they can become the latest victims of the curses they have. This story does have a few positives and negatives, the first positive being see how the daughter of the Warren’s is struggling with making connections in life because of their work, we could have easily dived deeper with this, but it was nice to see a change in why somebody is isolated. The pure number of different evil figures we meet through the film is brilliant to see because this opens the doors to seemingly endless amounts of spin off movies now, which could be seen as a negative because, while this is an Annabelle movie, it does tend to focus on the other evil, instead of the main one attached to Annabelle. We could get into character decisions, which aren’t the smartest especially when it comes to knowing who the character of Judy is meant to be.
Horror/Mystery – The horror in the film, is an endless amounts of jump scares, this does work because each does have its own way of being effective, even if a lot if music goes silent and either a boom or something charging the screen. The mystery comes from each new evil that we get to see, we get glimpses into a few leading us to only want to know more.
Settings – The film is set in one singular location, the Warren house, this has all the evil set up within it, which means once it comes out and traps them, they don’t know what will come next.
Special Effects – The effect in the film are strong throughout, with each creation look different, with a couple of tricks for the Ferryman coming off nicely.
Scene of the Movie – The circular shot, I am a fan of this shot even if it was the same as the Nun.
That Moment That Annoyed Me – I can’t help but think one of the rules for babysitting at the Warren’s, would be, anything slightly strange happens, get out until we come home.
Final Thoughts – This is a nice jump scare filled horror, it has plenty of references to the previous films and does leave us wanting more from this universe.
Overall: Jump scares for everyone.
Rating
Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated Jurassic World: Dominion (2022) in Movies
Jun 16, 2022
The Therizinosaurus and Pyroraptor sequences. (2 more)
The final dinosaur battle.
Jeff Goldblum
No chemistry between the cast. (2 more)
Not enough dinosaurs.
Human drama overshadows anything remotely dinosaur related.
You Can't Squeeze Gold From a Dried Up Fossil
Four years after the events of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, dinosaurs now roam free and are a part of everyday life. Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) and Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) have been taking care of Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon) while living in a cabin deep within the Sierra Nevada mountains. Biosyn Genetics now utilizes the dinosaurs as a means to try to cure the world’s most devastating diseases.
Maisie’s unique clone DNA is suddenly the world’s only hope for surviving against a swarm of de-extinct giant locusts that is growing in number, spreading from continent to continent, and attacking the source of the world’s food supply. Biosyn kidnaps Maisie along with Beta; the offspring of Blue, the velociraptor Owen trained, who reproduced Beta asexually. Meanwhile, with the help of Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) recruits Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) to break into Biosyn in an attempt to prove that they are the ones responsible for the giant locusts.
The big drawing point of Jurassic World Dominion is that not only is it the first time Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern, and Sam Neill have been together in a Jurassic Park film since the original, but you get to see them interact with the main characters of the Jurassic World films. The problem is that it wasn’t worth the wait. The highlight of the Jurassic Park films are the dinosaurs and it seems like Dominion purposely keeps its audience away from what they came to see for the majority of the film. To make matters worse, all of the human interactions fall flat. What little comedic humor the film tries to provide is met with blank stares and there seems to be more time spent talking about relationships between characters, teenager woes, and villainous characters who have suddenly turned a new leaf over actual dinosaur goodness.
Why anyone decided that Owen’s trademark pose of his arm being extended with his palm being the only defense between them and a wild dinosaur mauling them to death is beyond anyone’s comprehension. It’s done so often here and what’s even more frustrating is that it works every time. The film throws in these sappy and melodramatic excursions that simply aren’t worth the hassle. Claire and Owen attempting to be parents is excruciating and the way this film has decided to force Ellie Sattler and Alan Grant into an awkward, romantic fling is more uncomfortable than it is satisfying.
The film does offer a few highlights, but not nearly enough amongst its close to 150-minute runtime. The motorcycle chase in Malta is the film’s most entertaining action sequence and the pyroraptor scene on top of the ice is also incredibly thrilling. The three-way dinosaur battle during the finale of the film is cool, but it feels like it’s been done previously. As the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World films progressed, they seemed to always try to be topping the T. Rex and yet were never really able to.
Dominion includes the Giganotosaurus; an apex predator that is bigger and meaner than the T. Rex. The finale sees the T.Rex battling the Giganotosaurus with the help of a Therizinosaurus. Earlier in the film, the Therizinosaurus and its long, sharp, finger-like appendages provide the only nod to horror and classic monster movies Dominion provides as it stalks Claire in the jungle near the main Biosyn facility.
The film spends a lot of time focusing on human drama that you don’t care about. Claire and Owen bounce around the world as they try to find Maisie. They’re taken to an underground dinosaur fighting ring by Barry Sembène (Omar Sy), who now works for the CIA. They go on a wild goose chase as they trail behind Rainn Delacourt (Scott Haze), the man who kidnapped Maisie, and then Soyona Santos (Dichen Lachman), a dinosaur smuggler that has a direct line to Biosyn.
What’s disappointing is more of the film could have been devoted to Santos and the dinosaur black market since they are two of the most interesting aspects of the film. Dominion tries to make up for it by making pilot Kayla Watts (DeWanda Wise) the most intriguing new character, but her inclusion feels like it’s too little too late.
With Jurassic World Dominion, a Jurassic World film where dinosaurs are now free and interacting with the modern world shouldn’t feel this longwinded or this tiresome. There are a few action sequences that are worthwhile and Jeff Goldblum has a few great one-liners (“You made a promise to a dinosaur?”), but the film is a monumental disappointment overall.
The film has already made over $415 million at the worldwide box office, so the interest in the franchise is still there. But the chemistry between the cast is almost non-existent and it feels like the film is running on fumes as it tries to offer something new from what is otherwise dried up fossil fuel. If the Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise is to continue, it desperately needs to go in a refreshing and unseen direction. Now that all of the nostalgia is out of the way, fans deserve a refreshing and unique adventure over what is otherwise a glorified rehash.
Maisie’s unique clone DNA is suddenly the world’s only hope for surviving against a swarm of de-extinct giant locusts that is growing in number, spreading from continent to continent, and attacking the source of the world’s food supply. Biosyn kidnaps Maisie along with Beta; the offspring of Blue, the velociraptor Owen trained, who reproduced Beta asexually. Meanwhile, with the help of Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) recruits Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) to break into Biosyn in an attempt to prove that they are the ones responsible for the giant locusts.
The big drawing point of Jurassic World Dominion is that not only is it the first time Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern, and Sam Neill have been together in a Jurassic Park film since the original, but you get to see them interact with the main characters of the Jurassic World films. The problem is that it wasn’t worth the wait. The highlight of the Jurassic Park films are the dinosaurs and it seems like Dominion purposely keeps its audience away from what they came to see for the majority of the film. To make matters worse, all of the human interactions fall flat. What little comedic humor the film tries to provide is met with blank stares and there seems to be more time spent talking about relationships between characters, teenager woes, and villainous characters who have suddenly turned a new leaf over actual dinosaur goodness.
Why anyone decided that Owen’s trademark pose of his arm being extended with his palm being the only defense between them and a wild dinosaur mauling them to death is beyond anyone’s comprehension. It’s done so often here and what’s even more frustrating is that it works every time. The film throws in these sappy and melodramatic excursions that simply aren’t worth the hassle. Claire and Owen attempting to be parents is excruciating and the way this film has decided to force Ellie Sattler and Alan Grant into an awkward, romantic fling is more uncomfortable than it is satisfying.
The film does offer a few highlights, but not nearly enough amongst its close to 150-minute runtime. The motorcycle chase in Malta is the film’s most entertaining action sequence and the pyroraptor scene on top of the ice is also incredibly thrilling. The three-way dinosaur battle during the finale of the film is cool, but it feels like it’s been done previously. As the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World films progressed, they seemed to always try to be topping the T. Rex and yet were never really able to.
Dominion includes the Giganotosaurus; an apex predator that is bigger and meaner than the T. Rex. The finale sees the T.Rex battling the Giganotosaurus with the help of a Therizinosaurus. Earlier in the film, the Therizinosaurus and its long, sharp, finger-like appendages provide the only nod to horror and classic monster movies Dominion provides as it stalks Claire in the jungle near the main Biosyn facility.
The film spends a lot of time focusing on human drama that you don’t care about. Claire and Owen bounce around the world as they try to find Maisie. They’re taken to an underground dinosaur fighting ring by Barry Sembène (Omar Sy), who now works for the CIA. They go on a wild goose chase as they trail behind Rainn Delacourt (Scott Haze), the man who kidnapped Maisie, and then Soyona Santos (Dichen Lachman), a dinosaur smuggler that has a direct line to Biosyn.
What’s disappointing is more of the film could have been devoted to Santos and the dinosaur black market since they are two of the most interesting aspects of the film. Dominion tries to make up for it by making pilot Kayla Watts (DeWanda Wise) the most intriguing new character, but her inclusion feels like it’s too little too late.
With Jurassic World Dominion, a Jurassic World film where dinosaurs are now free and interacting with the modern world shouldn’t feel this longwinded or this tiresome. There are a few action sequences that are worthwhile and Jeff Goldblum has a few great one-liners (“You made a promise to a dinosaur?”), but the film is a monumental disappointment overall.
The film has already made over $415 million at the worldwide box office, so the interest in the franchise is still there. But the chemistry between the cast is almost non-existent and it feels like the film is running on fumes as it tries to offer something new from what is otherwise dried up fossil fuel. If the Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise is to continue, it desperately needs to go in a refreshing and unseen direction. Now that all of the nostalgia is out of the way, fans deserve a refreshing and unique adventure over what is otherwise a glorified rehash.
Heather Cranmer (2721 KP) rated The Exalted Gate in Books
Jun 7, 2018
(This review can be found on my blog <a href="http://themisadventuresofatwentysomething.blogspot.com/">The (Mis)Adventures of a Twenty-Something Year Old Girl</a>.
I absolutely love the cover of this book. It is gorgeous!! Anyway, this book has ten stories in it, so I will review and rate each one individually.
*
Boots
Judith (of an undisclosed age) is a girl that hates wearing shoes. However, she is in a play where she has to play a Polish tramp. She doesn't want to wear shoes, but the director says even tramps wear shoes. She finds some beat up looking boots in the prop room and puts them on. As soon as they are on her feet, it's like they have a mind of their own. They take Judith where they want to go. What ensues in an adventure that Judith won't soon forget.
I thought the story of Boots was a really cute and interesting read. I definitely think this will appeal to children of all ages. The only slight problem was with punctuation, but that's nothing that major. Judith is an interesting girl. I'd recommend this story.
I'd give Boots a 4.5 out of 5.
*
Five Gifts
Lonia is a thirteen year old girl whose parents are already nagging her to get married. (Yeah, it's a bit much, but it does say in the story that this was way back in the day). She'd rather spend her days in the children's glade talking to her elf friend, Pintak. One day, Pintak is kidnapped by a mean old wizard, and Lonia decides that she must go rescue him. She is given five gifts from different creatures of the forest to help her on her quest.
I was impressed with this story, and I found it quite interesting. There's also a lesson to be learned about experimenting on animals. Lonia was definitely a brave little girl and was willing to risk everything to save her friend. There are a few punctuation mistakes and a mispelt word, but other than that, this story was a good one.
I'd give Five Gifts a 5 out of 5.
*
Sintinko
Sintinko is a story set in Japan back when it was all emperors and generals. The emperor is jealous of Sintinko and wants to have him killed. It's only because of Ilyo, Sintinko's love interest, that the emperor spares his life. However, Sintinko is banished from Japan until he can find a maple tree that can sit in the hand of the emperor. Ilyo and Sintinko know that they will most likely never see each other. Unbeknownst to Sintinko and everyone else, Ilyo disguises herself as a geisha to help Sintinko on his journey. Love and loss are the themes of this story.
This was such a bittersweet love story. I felt sorry for both Sintinko and Ilyo. Sintinko thought he would never see his beloved again and swore off any type of relationship. Ilyo had her beloved right there in front of her, yet she couldn't do anything about it.
The names, being Japanese, were a bit hard to pronounce, but it's easy to get past that since the story is so strong. Speaking of names, this story even lets us know how the Bonsai tree got its name.
There's a few punctuation mistakes, but nothing that takes away from the story.
I think this story would be better suited for ages 11+. Personally, I found the story a bit slow, but not painfully slow.
I'd give Sintinko a 3.5 out of 5.
*
Tivurambhat
Tivurambhat is the story of a ghost by the same name of the title who helps people out in times of need in India. A mean man forces people to work for him by letting them borrow money, putting the interest up, and paying them such low wages they can never afford to pay him pack. One man decides to do something about it and goes to Tivurambhat for help.
I loved the message behind the story. Towards the ending, it even had me smiling. I couldn't pronounce the names since they were all Indian names, so I just shortened them so my American self could pronounce them. I loved the character of Tiv. He kind of reminded me of an American version of Casper for some reason. I really enjoyed the conversation between Pradesh and Tiv the most. This was such a happy story!
Again, there's some punctuation mistakes and a few grammar ones as well, but the story itself was excellent.
I'd give Tivurambhat a 5 out of 5.
*
St. Penalyn's Well
St Penalyn's Well tells the story of Rebecca (of an undisclosed age) who ventures into an overgrown garden with her dog. She stumbles across a well with an inscription. It is while reading this inscription that she becomes trapped in the well. Lucky for her, she meets an elf named Opickle who keeps her company and gives her the inspiration she needs to find her way out.
This was definitely an interesting story. I was hooked all the way through. It's a story about friendship amongst diversity and not giving up. I found Opickle to be just a tad bit of a snob but not enough to put me off the story.
A few punctuation mistakes throughout the story but not enough to be distracting.
St. Penalyn's Well gets a 5 out of 5 from me.
*
Quint and Trout's Mistake
Quint and Trout's Mistake is a story I didn't finish because of the name calling and making fun of someone who is overweight. It starts out innocently enough. A lake is being overrun by a white smelly substance. Two brothers, Quint and Trout, talk their friend Ned into investigating why this is happening. Ned swims down to the bottom of the lake and finds an overweight creature living in a cave who has been kicked out of his house. This is when the name calling starts, and I stopped reading.
I do not like stories aimed at children that condone name calling of any sort whether it be because of weight, disabilities, race, etc. Children do not need to read something like this and feel bad about themselves or view it as an excuse to tease others. I was very disappointed something like this was in a children's book.
Quint and Trout's Mistake gets a 0 out of 5 from me. What a vile story!
*
Densus
Densus is a boy who was born with blue fingernails and blue streaks in his hair. This is because he has a destiny to fulfill. When a crab named Arnold asks him if he'd go tell a giant that he has found a perfect wife for him, Densus agrees because it's his destiny even if there's a possibility the giant could kill him.
This is a story about destinies. It lets us know that we all have destinies if only we weren't too busy trying to find out what they are. This is a fun story which I think children would love! I loved Arnold the crab!! I think a majority of children would love him.
Again, there's a few punctuation and grammar mistakes but nothing major.
I'd give Densus a 5 out of 5.
*
Alice's Granddaughter
Alice's Granddaughter takes place years after Alice in Wonderland. Alice's granddaughter, Alicia, is recruited by a thief named Cheng to go down into a rabbit hole to get him a yellow dragon. Alicia discovers that things in Wonderland haven't changed much.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story! I'm a sucker for everything Alice in Wonderland-esque, and this was no exception! I loved how the author still managed to preserve the original Wonderland in his tale and how he even managed to keep the style of writing similar to that of Lewis Carroll. My favorite character was definitely the talking table. My only gripe is that I wish this story would've been longer!
As like with the previous story, there are some punctuation and grammar mistakes that can be overlooked.
Alice's Granddaughter gets a bit 5 out of 5.
*
The Dragon
The Dragon is a story about death. In this story, we follow a dragon in her very last moments as she dies of what I assume to be old age. We get to see her memories of when she was her prime and when she takes her last breath.
This is a sad story and probably one for the older children unless younger children can handle the topic of death. It's not written in a morbid way though. It's actually written quite beautifully especially when we get to see the memory of the dragon in her prime. I think this story can show that death is not always bad.
There are grammar and punctuation mistakes but nothing that deters from the story.
The Dragon gets a 3.75 out of 5.
*
The Wisdom of a Dog
The Wisdom of a Dog is about a man named Keith and his dog who go on an adventure and wind up in a crystal city. Keith must found out who is destroying the city and save it.
This story was a good read, and I think most children would enjoy it especially as it involves a talking dog. I enjoyed how the author even placed his own dialogue in the story. This is a good versus bad story that shows that bad people never win.
Again, there are grammar and punctuation mistakes, but it doesn't take away from the story.
The Wisdom of a Dog gets a 3.5 out of 5.
*
The Exalted Gate by Daniel Nanavati averages out to a 3.5 out of 5. I'd definitely recommend this book to old and young alike!
(I received a free physical copy of this title from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review).
I absolutely love the cover of this book. It is gorgeous!! Anyway, this book has ten stories in it, so I will review and rate each one individually.
*
Boots
Judith (of an undisclosed age) is a girl that hates wearing shoes. However, she is in a play where she has to play a Polish tramp. She doesn't want to wear shoes, but the director says even tramps wear shoes. She finds some beat up looking boots in the prop room and puts them on. As soon as they are on her feet, it's like they have a mind of their own. They take Judith where they want to go. What ensues in an adventure that Judith won't soon forget.
I thought the story of Boots was a really cute and interesting read. I definitely think this will appeal to children of all ages. The only slight problem was with punctuation, but that's nothing that major. Judith is an interesting girl. I'd recommend this story.
I'd give Boots a 4.5 out of 5.
*
Five Gifts
Lonia is a thirteen year old girl whose parents are already nagging her to get married. (Yeah, it's a bit much, but it does say in the story that this was way back in the day). She'd rather spend her days in the children's glade talking to her elf friend, Pintak. One day, Pintak is kidnapped by a mean old wizard, and Lonia decides that she must go rescue him. She is given five gifts from different creatures of the forest to help her on her quest.
I was impressed with this story, and I found it quite interesting. There's also a lesson to be learned about experimenting on animals. Lonia was definitely a brave little girl and was willing to risk everything to save her friend. There are a few punctuation mistakes and a mispelt word, but other than that, this story was a good one.
I'd give Five Gifts a 5 out of 5.
*
Sintinko
Sintinko is a story set in Japan back when it was all emperors and generals. The emperor is jealous of Sintinko and wants to have him killed. It's only because of Ilyo, Sintinko's love interest, that the emperor spares his life. However, Sintinko is banished from Japan until he can find a maple tree that can sit in the hand of the emperor. Ilyo and Sintinko know that they will most likely never see each other. Unbeknownst to Sintinko and everyone else, Ilyo disguises herself as a geisha to help Sintinko on his journey. Love and loss are the themes of this story.
This was such a bittersweet love story. I felt sorry for both Sintinko and Ilyo. Sintinko thought he would never see his beloved again and swore off any type of relationship. Ilyo had her beloved right there in front of her, yet she couldn't do anything about it.
The names, being Japanese, were a bit hard to pronounce, but it's easy to get past that since the story is so strong. Speaking of names, this story even lets us know how the Bonsai tree got its name.
There's a few punctuation mistakes, but nothing that takes away from the story.
I think this story would be better suited for ages 11+. Personally, I found the story a bit slow, but not painfully slow.
I'd give Sintinko a 3.5 out of 5.
*
Tivurambhat
Tivurambhat is the story of a ghost by the same name of the title who helps people out in times of need in India. A mean man forces people to work for him by letting them borrow money, putting the interest up, and paying them such low wages they can never afford to pay him pack. One man decides to do something about it and goes to Tivurambhat for help.
I loved the message behind the story. Towards the ending, it even had me smiling. I couldn't pronounce the names since they were all Indian names, so I just shortened them so my American self could pronounce them. I loved the character of Tiv. He kind of reminded me of an American version of Casper for some reason. I really enjoyed the conversation between Pradesh and Tiv the most. This was such a happy story!
Again, there's some punctuation mistakes and a few grammar ones as well, but the story itself was excellent.
I'd give Tivurambhat a 5 out of 5.
*
St. Penalyn's Well
St Penalyn's Well tells the story of Rebecca (of an undisclosed age) who ventures into an overgrown garden with her dog. She stumbles across a well with an inscription. It is while reading this inscription that she becomes trapped in the well. Lucky for her, she meets an elf named Opickle who keeps her company and gives her the inspiration she needs to find her way out.
This was definitely an interesting story. I was hooked all the way through. It's a story about friendship amongst diversity and not giving up. I found Opickle to be just a tad bit of a snob but not enough to put me off the story.
A few punctuation mistakes throughout the story but not enough to be distracting.
St. Penalyn's Well gets a 5 out of 5 from me.
*
Quint and Trout's Mistake
Quint and Trout's Mistake is a story I didn't finish because of the name calling and making fun of someone who is overweight. It starts out innocently enough. A lake is being overrun by a white smelly substance. Two brothers, Quint and Trout, talk their friend Ned into investigating why this is happening. Ned swims down to the bottom of the lake and finds an overweight creature living in a cave who has been kicked out of his house. This is when the name calling starts, and I stopped reading.
I do not like stories aimed at children that condone name calling of any sort whether it be because of weight, disabilities, race, etc. Children do not need to read something like this and feel bad about themselves or view it as an excuse to tease others. I was very disappointed something like this was in a children's book.
Quint and Trout's Mistake gets a 0 out of 5 from me. What a vile story!
*
Densus
Densus is a boy who was born with blue fingernails and blue streaks in his hair. This is because he has a destiny to fulfill. When a crab named Arnold asks him if he'd go tell a giant that he has found a perfect wife for him, Densus agrees because it's his destiny even if there's a possibility the giant could kill him.
This is a story about destinies. It lets us know that we all have destinies if only we weren't too busy trying to find out what they are. This is a fun story which I think children would love! I loved Arnold the crab!! I think a majority of children would love him.
Again, there's a few punctuation and grammar mistakes but nothing major.
I'd give Densus a 5 out of 5.
*
Alice's Granddaughter
Alice's Granddaughter takes place years after Alice in Wonderland. Alice's granddaughter, Alicia, is recruited by a thief named Cheng to go down into a rabbit hole to get him a yellow dragon. Alicia discovers that things in Wonderland haven't changed much.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story! I'm a sucker for everything Alice in Wonderland-esque, and this was no exception! I loved how the author still managed to preserve the original Wonderland in his tale and how he even managed to keep the style of writing similar to that of Lewis Carroll. My favorite character was definitely the talking table. My only gripe is that I wish this story would've been longer!
As like with the previous story, there are some punctuation and grammar mistakes that can be overlooked.
Alice's Granddaughter gets a bit 5 out of 5.
*
The Dragon
The Dragon is a story about death. In this story, we follow a dragon in her very last moments as she dies of what I assume to be old age. We get to see her memories of when she was her prime and when she takes her last breath.
This is a sad story and probably one for the older children unless younger children can handle the topic of death. It's not written in a morbid way though. It's actually written quite beautifully especially when we get to see the memory of the dragon in her prime. I think this story can show that death is not always bad.
There are grammar and punctuation mistakes but nothing that deters from the story.
The Dragon gets a 3.75 out of 5.
*
The Wisdom of a Dog
The Wisdom of a Dog is about a man named Keith and his dog who go on an adventure and wind up in a crystal city. Keith must found out who is destroying the city and save it.
This story was a good read, and I think most children would enjoy it especially as it involves a talking dog. I enjoyed how the author even placed his own dialogue in the story. This is a good versus bad story that shows that bad people never win.
Again, there are grammar and punctuation mistakes, but it doesn't take away from the story.
The Wisdom of a Dog gets a 3.5 out of 5.
*
The Exalted Gate by Daniel Nanavati averages out to a 3.5 out of 5. I'd definitely recommend this book to old and young alike!
(I received a free physical copy of this title from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review).
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Neon Knights: 2086 in Tabletop Games
Sep 10, 2020
Some of us actually lived through the 1980s. Just barely, but I certainly remember the neon stylizations, the hair, the tight-rolled pants. It’s not a look I ever hope to reincarnate. However, what if the style of the 1980s reappeared in the future? Like in the 2080s? That would be kind of awesome, actually. Or maybe it would be more bodacious or tubular. In any case, some things never go out of style. Things like attacking your fellow racers as they try to pass on the left with their NOS and dangling repair arms. Just me?
Neon Knights 2086 (here forth known as NK) is a car racing game of customization and street battle. The game essentially takes place over three race weeks (rounds) with each week being divided into a preparation period and then the race day itself. The winner of NK is not necessarily the driver who crosses the finish line more often, but rather the driver who wisely invests in upgrades and tempts Lady Luck to be on their side during crucial dice rolls.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, separate and shuffle each different-backed deck of cards, set them on the board in their places, and display the number of cards equal to the card spaces on the board. Give each player components in their character color, the matching play mat, and starting car parts to be tucked under their mat. Determine the starting player who will construct the first race course out of the provided map chunks and the game may begin!
Again, I will not be explaining every rule in the game as there are just too many to cover, but the game is played over three weeks. During the preparation days leading up to the race on day 7 (Sunday I guess), players will be taking actions to draft upgrades to their cars, or implants into their driver’s BRAIN, getting themselves sponsored so they can make bank come pay day, and also accepting bets on how each driver can earn a little extra on the side come race day.
Each day leading up to the race will allow players to complete one action, and pay day is on Day 5. This is when players will be paid out by their sponsors thus allowing players more spending power at the various upgrade shops. However, Race Day looms ahead and drivers will be making sure they have the best car they can afford because racing is a matter of life or death.
During a race, players will be choosing their initial speed and traveling the course attempting to finish first to gain points, but also to inflict damage on opposing cars and trying to complete their bets they’ve made. Cars will typically travel the number of spaces that the driver has chosen as the speed for the turn, but along the way the cars will be passing over neon lights in the street that are colored according to the suggested speed to overcome them. Go too fast and players will need to roll damage dice to simulate clipping a curb or smashing into a building corner. Go the correct suggested speed or less and pass over the lights no problem and with no damage dice to roll. Of course, car upgrades can assist with this.
When cars end their turn on a space with another car, a battle ensues and damage is calculated. Also, either before or after movement a car can decide to use a weapon on a rival car in range of their weapon to inflict extra damage. After all, a well-damaged car must screech to a halt and possibly use precious resources to repair the damage. Races are flat out bonkers but are the crux of NK. The winner of NK is the player who can amass the most VP at the end of the game and will be able to run a victory lap in the streets.
Components. This game is one of those hefty 12×12 boxes that is packed with goodies. The board is huge. The player components are beautiful and amazing. The player mats are great and laid out really well. The big chunky street map tiles are big and chunky. The colors are perfectly ’80s and perfect for a board game. I have no issues at all with the components. Oh wait, just one little eensy weensy complaint. I wish the font in the rule book was something of the serif variety instead of block all-caps. I felt as if I were being scolded for reading the rules.
All that said, I find Neon Knights 2086 to be a beautiful and relatively quick-playing racing game with the added bonus of car customization akin to that of creating an RPG character (and everyone knows that’s the best part of RPGs). The prep days are super fast to play through because you are basically just taking cards from the offers or drawing cards from the face-down decks to improve your ride, or repairing your car from previous races, and negotiating with sponsors to get those sweet gigs.
The racing, however, is where the game play takes off. It’s here that all the planning and optimizing is put to the test. It’s here where you discover that some of your “upgrades” just ain’t cuttin’ it, and need to be upgraded further. Hopefully a new sweet (and affordable) weapon will come out during the week. Maybe a new sponsor will enter and entice you with tons of money. And then it’s Race Day and you can take your rig out to demolish the competition. Ahh sweet demolition.
This game was a big surprise for me for several reasons. First, I didn’t realize how much I actually enjoyed some of the things from the ’80s. Those colors are just so dang beautiful. That design. So good. But also I just don’t play a lot of car racing games so I was skeptical at first. I’m not a fan of NASCAR so obviously I won’t like any car racing game, right? At least that was my initial thought. Neon Knights 2086 may just have piqued my interest in trying out some other racing titles in the future. For these reasons, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a bruised 8 / 12. If you are aching for a racing game with battles in the streets and customization in the sheets, check out Neon Knights 2086. I am now a believer, and can’t wait to play this one many more times.
Neon Knights 2086 (here forth known as NK) is a car racing game of customization and street battle. The game essentially takes place over three race weeks (rounds) with each week being divided into a preparation period and then the race day itself. The winner of NK is not necessarily the driver who crosses the finish line more often, but rather the driver who wisely invests in upgrades and tempts Lady Luck to be on their side during crucial dice rolls.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, separate and shuffle each different-backed deck of cards, set them on the board in their places, and display the number of cards equal to the card spaces on the board. Give each player components in their character color, the matching play mat, and starting car parts to be tucked under their mat. Determine the starting player who will construct the first race course out of the provided map chunks and the game may begin!
Again, I will not be explaining every rule in the game as there are just too many to cover, but the game is played over three weeks. During the preparation days leading up to the race on day 7 (Sunday I guess), players will be taking actions to draft upgrades to their cars, or implants into their driver’s BRAIN, getting themselves sponsored so they can make bank come pay day, and also accepting bets on how each driver can earn a little extra on the side come race day.
Each day leading up to the race will allow players to complete one action, and pay day is on Day 5. This is when players will be paid out by their sponsors thus allowing players more spending power at the various upgrade shops. However, Race Day looms ahead and drivers will be making sure they have the best car they can afford because racing is a matter of life or death.
During a race, players will be choosing their initial speed and traveling the course attempting to finish first to gain points, but also to inflict damage on opposing cars and trying to complete their bets they’ve made. Cars will typically travel the number of spaces that the driver has chosen as the speed for the turn, but along the way the cars will be passing over neon lights in the street that are colored according to the suggested speed to overcome them. Go too fast and players will need to roll damage dice to simulate clipping a curb or smashing into a building corner. Go the correct suggested speed or less and pass over the lights no problem and with no damage dice to roll. Of course, car upgrades can assist with this.
When cars end their turn on a space with another car, a battle ensues and damage is calculated. Also, either before or after movement a car can decide to use a weapon on a rival car in range of their weapon to inflict extra damage. After all, a well-damaged car must screech to a halt and possibly use precious resources to repair the damage. Races are flat out bonkers but are the crux of NK. The winner of NK is the player who can amass the most VP at the end of the game and will be able to run a victory lap in the streets.
Components. This game is one of those hefty 12×12 boxes that is packed with goodies. The board is huge. The player components are beautiful and amazing. The player mats are great and laid out really well. The big chunky street map tiles are big and chunky. The colors are perfectly ’80s and perfect for a board game. I have no issues at all with the components. Oh wait, just one little eensy weensy complaint. I wish the font in the rule book was something of the serif variety instead of block all-caps. I felt as if I were being scolded for reading the rules.
All that said, I find Neon Knights 2086 to be a beautiful and relatively quick-playing racing game with the added bonus of car customization akin to that of creating an RPG character (and everyone knows that’s the best part of RPGs). The prep days are super fast to play through because you are basically just taking cards from the offers or drawing cards from the face-down decks to improve your ride, or repairing your car from previous races, and negotiating with sponsors to get those sweet gigs.
The racing, however, is where the game play takes off. It’s here that all the planning and optimizing is put to the test. It’s here where you discover that some of your “upgrades” just ain’t cuttin’ it, and need to be upgraded further. Hopefully a new sweet (and affordable) weapon will come out during the week. Maybe a new sponsor will enter and entice you with tons of money. And then it’s Race Day and you can take your rig out to demolish the competition. Ahh sweet demolition.
This game was a big surprise for me for several reasons. First, I didn’t realize how much I actually enjoyed some of the things from the ’80s. Those colors are just so dang beautiful. That design. So good. But also I just don’t play a lot of car racing games so I was skeptical at first. I’m not a fan of NASCAR so obviously I won’t like any car racing game, right? At least that was my initial thought. Neon Knights 2086 may just have piqued my interest in trying out some other racing titles in the future. For these reasons, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a bruised 8 / 12. If you are aching for a racing game with battles in the streets and customization in the sheets, check out Neon Knights 2086. I am now a believer, and can’t wait to play this one many more times.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated The Road to Canterbury in Tabletop Games
Oct 4, 2021
I am not a sinless man. In fact, it’s been years since I’ve been to confession, and at this point I’m afraid I would be there for hours just spilling the beans. I know many pious people, but alas, I am not one. However, I do appreciate those that attempt to live that holy life. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of hard work. I guess I’m a little slothy when it comes to that, personally. Anyway, I know of the Seven Deadly Sins, Cardinal Sins, Capital Vices, or whatever you’d like to call them. In fact, I really like the movie Seven – I think it’s great! That said, let’s find out just “what’s in the box?”
The Road To Canterbury is a game of medieval hand management and area influence. In it players are false pardoners stalking the road to the city of Canterbury as pilgrims make their way there from London. As their companies run across these pardoners, they are offered the chance to purchase pardons – salvation and forgiveness for their sins. However, these pardoners are also keen to help the pilgrims along the path of sin, thus making their faux pardons worth even more money! The pardoner who ends the game with the most money will win along The Road to Canterbury.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of the Impoverished Pilgrim Edition (2nd edition) game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, follow the rulebook, as there are many components to track. The main areas are the Circle of Sin mat that holds the Parson pawn, the decks area that hold the various decks of cards from which players will be drawing, and each player’s personal area where players will hide their earnings and hand of cards behind the privacy screen. Once all is setup somewhat correctly, it should look similar to the photo below. Warning: When I set this up and took the photo, I neglected to realize the red company and the map tiles were translated to the wrong spaces, so just switch those.
The Road to Canterbury is a game of rounds, and each round players will be taking similar steps: Play One Card, Redraw, Perform a Reckoning of Sin. Players will have access to three different types of cards that can be played during the Play One Card phase: Sin cards (five of which are dealt at setup), Pardon cards, and Relic cards. During this phase, the active player can play a Sin card to one of the active Pilgrims to tempt them towards committing that sin. The first time the player adds a Sin card to a Pilgrim, they place one of their corruption cubes on the matching sin on the Circle of Sin. Alternatively, they may play a powerful Relic card that offers adjustments to the rules, or has some interesting results. When a player feels that enough Sin cards of a specific type have been played on a Pilgrim, they may opt to play a matching Pardon card in order to gain precious coin to their pockets. Each Pardon card essentially pardons ALL the sins of that type on the Pilgrim, and the player then collects coins exponentially for a larger total of matching Sin cards on that Pilgrim. If the Parson is currently sitting on the matching sin, the pardoner receives extra coin for it being an especially egregious sin in the eyes of the church. Each time the Pilgrim is pardoned, the pardoner places one of their corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim.
After the active player has played their card, they must Redraw their hand back to five cards, choosing to draw from the Sin, Pardon, or Relic offerings. Some Sin cards may be drawn that are Death Approaches cards. When these surface, they are immediately attached to the Pilgrim whose color matches that of the drawn card’s border color. This essentially eats up a slot on the Pilgrim that could be used for a Sin card to be pardoned.
Once the player has redrawn cards to their hand they must next Perform a Reckoning of Sin. The active player assesses each active Pilgrim to see if they have seven or more cards attached to them. If so, that Pilgrim will perish from the “deadly” sins. Whichever player has placed the most number of corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim is considered present at time of death and will receive credit for the sending to the heavens. They move one of the cubes upon the Pilgrim to the first space on the map tile, earning bonus points and a Last Rites token. Last Rites may be performed immediately to take another turn, or may be held until the end of the game for a 3 VP bonus per token. The most interesting aspect of a Pilgrim dying is the fact that their card now becomes a permanent placeholder underneath their company’s colored banner. So the next Pilgrim to enter play for that company will need only six additional cards to kick the bucket, and so on.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking turns through their three phases. The game ends when all the spaces on the map tile are filled with cubes. Bonus points are counted, coins are added, and the player with the most money/highest score is the winner! The best temptress and pardoner this side of Yorkshire!
Components. I have no experience with the first edition of The Road to Canterbury, so unfortunately I cannot compare and contrast components. However, I have seen many photos and even checked out a review video or two. What I can say about components is that this edition has refreshed the look of nearly everything, and so much for the better. Instead of boring plain cards, there’s just a little more decoration. Not so much to be invasive or distracting, but very tasteful. The component quality throughout is quite stellar. There’s a lot of cardboard in this box, and it all looks and feels great. I do quite like the art style, even though it’s all medievall-y and too artsy for my normal preference. All in all a great quality box of game.
So like I said, I have no experience with this game prior to receiving it and playing through it now. It certainly doesn’t feel like a 10-year-old game, nor does it really feel like many of the Alf Seegert games I have played in the past. Neither of these points are bad at all, just some thoughts I had.
It should be obvious by my ratings graphic that I dig this game a lot. I have nothing like it in my collection, and I am super excited to really bring this out with different types of gamers to see how it fares (once the COVID is no longer an issue, of course). I see this being a hit with my family, who enjoys a lot of take that style games. I see this being a hit with my more thinky gamer friends, because there are just so many juicy choices to be had every turn. I can see this even being a hit with my more gateway friends, because it isn’t terribly heavy, has some humor in it, and I can see the prospect of sowing sin and killing off innocent Pilgrims being attractive to some of my more morbid friends.
For me, I love the ability to take every turn and make important decisions. I try to make every turn meaningful to my agenda, but tactical with what may be at my disposal at the time. When should I play this Relic? Why is named something ridiculous? Should I wait a while longer to pardon this sin, or should I pile on another and then pardon next turn? Ooh, but what if my opponent has the same Pardon card. Am I truly happy that this poor Wife of Bath is about to kick it? GAAHHHHH!
Now it’s no secret that I am a big fan of Dr. Seegert’s games, as I have previously reviewed Fantastiqa and Haven with very high ratings. So, I was not at all surprised that I would love this one as well. It offers so many great choices, looks great on the table, fills a unique void that was present in my collection, and can be played with various types of gamers, even though it is designed for two or three players total. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one an unapologetic 5 / 6. I don’t think it will break into my Top 10, but I certainly won’t rule it out quite yet. More plays with different types of gamers may change my mind on that statement, and I eagerly await my plateful of crow. So if you are like me in your gaming preferences, check out this version of The Road to Canterbury. Let me know how often you tend to grab Relics too, because I feel like I need to utilize them more, but it is so hard to pass up a Sin or Pardon. I Lust after them so very badly.
The Road To Canterbury is a game of medieval hand management and area influence. In it players are false pardoners stalking the road to the city of Canterbury as pilgrims make their way there from London. As their companies run across these pardoners, they are offered the chance to purchase pardons – salvation and forgiveness for their sins. However, these pardoners are also keen to help the pilgrims along the path of sin, thus making their faux pardons worth even more money! The pardoner who ends the game with the most money will win along The Road to Canterbury.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of the Impoverished Pilgrim Edition (2nd edition) game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, follow the rulebook, as there are many components to track. The main areas are the Circle of Sin mat that holds the Parson pawn, the decks area that hold the various decks of cards from which players will be drawing, and each player’s personal area where players will hide their earnings and hand of cards behind the privacy screen. Once all is setup somewhat correctly, it should look similar to the photo below. Warning: When I set this up and took the photo, I neglected to realize the red company and the map tiles were translated to the wrong spaces, so just switch those.
The Road to Canterbury is a game of rounds, and each round players will be taking similar steps: Play One Card, Redraw, Perform a Reckoning of Sin. Players will have access to three different types of cards that can be played during the Play One Card phase: Sin cards (five of which are dealt at setup), Pardon cards, and Relic cards. During this phase, the active player can play a Sin card to one of the active Pilgrims to tempt them towards committing that sin. The first time the player adds a Sin card to a Pilgrim, they place one of their corruption cubes on the matching sin on the Circle of Sin. Alternatively, they may play a powerful Relic card that offers adjustments to the rules, or has some interesting results. When a player feels that enough Sin cards of a specific type have been played on a Pilgrim, they may opt to play a matching Pardon card in order to gain precious coin to their pockets. Each Pardon card essentially pardons ALL the sins of that type on the Pilgrim, and the player then collects coins exponentially for a larger total of matching Sin cards on that Pilgrim. If the Parson is currently sitting on the matching sin, the pardoner receives extra coin for it being an especially egregious sin in the eyes of the church. Each time the Pilgrim is pardoned, the pardoner places one of their corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim.
After the active player has played their card, they must Redraw their hand back to five cards, choosing to draw from the Sin, Pardon, or Relic offerings. Some Sin cards may be drawn that are Death Approaches cards. When these surface, they are immediately attached to the Pilgrim whose color matches that of the drawn card’s border color. This essentially eats up a slot on the Pilgrim that could be used for a Sin card to be pardoned.
Once the player has redrawn cards to their hand they must next Perform a Reckoning of Sin. The active player assesses each active Pilgrim to see if they have seven or more cards attached to them. If so, that Pilgrim will perish from the “deadly” sins. Whichever player has placed the most number of corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim is considered present at time of death and will receive credit for the sending to the heavens. They move one of the cubes upon the Pilgrim to the first space on the map tile, earning bonus points and a Last Rites token. Last Rites may be performed immediately to take another turn, or may be held until the end of the game for a 3 VP bonus per token. The most interesting aspect of a Pilgrim dying is the fact that their card now becomes a permanent placeholder underneath their company’s colored banner. So the next Pilgrim to enter play for that company will need only six additional cards to kick the bucket, and so on.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking turns through their three phases. The game ends when all the spaces on the map tile are filled with cubes. Bonus points are counted, coins are added, and the player with the most money/highest score is the winner! The best temptress and pardoner this side of Yorkshire!
Components. I have no experience with the first edition of The Road to Canterbury, so unfortunately I cannot compare and contrast components. However, I have seen many photos and even checked out a review video or two. What I can say about components is that this edition has refreshed the look of nearly everything, and so much for the better. Instead of boring plain cards, there’s just a little more decoration. Not so much to be invasive or distracting, but very tasteful. The component quality throughout is quite stellar. There’s a lot of cardboard in this box, and it all looks and feels great. I do quite like the art style, even though it’s all medievall-y and too artsy for my normal preference. All in all a great quality box of game.
So like I said, I have no experience with this game prior to receiving it and playing through it now. It certainly doesn’t feel like a 10-year-old game, nor does it really feel like many of the Alf Seegert games I have played in the past. Neither of these points are bad at all, just some thoughts I had.
It should be obvious by my ratings graphic that I dig this game a lot. I have nothing like it in my collection, and I am super excited to really bring this out with different types of gamers to see how it fares (once the COVID is no longer an issue, of course). I see this being a hit with my family, who enjoys a lot of take that style games. I see this being a hit with my more thinky gamer friends, because there are just so many juicy choices to be had every turn. I can see this even being a hit with my more gateway friends, because it isn’t terribly heavy, has some humor in it, and I can see the prospect of sowing sin and killing off innocent Pilgrims being attractive to some of my more morbid friends.
For me, I love the ability to take every turn and make important decisions. I try to make every turn meaningful to my agenda, but tactical with what may be at my disposal at the time. When should I play this Relic? Why is named something ridiculous? Should I wait a while longer to pardon this sin, or should I pile on another and then pardon next turn? Ooh, but what if my opponent has the same Pardon card. Am I truly happy that this poor Wife of Bath is about to kick it? GAAHHHHH!
Now it’s no secret that I am a big fan of Dr. Seegert’s games, as I have previously reviewed Fantastiqa and Haven with very high ratings. So, I was not at all surprised that I would love this one as well. It offers so many great choices, looks great on the table, fills a unique void that was present in my collection, and can be played with various types of gamers, even though it is designed for two or three players total. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one an unapologetic 5 / 6. I don’t think it will break into my Top 10, but I certainly won’t rule it out quite yet. More plays with different types of gamers may change my mind on that statement, and I eagerly await my plateful of crow. So if you are like me in your gaming preferences, check out this version of The Road to Canterbury. Let me know how often you tend to grab Relics too, because I feel like I need to utilize them more, but it is so hard to pass up a Sin or Pardon. I Lust after them so very badly.
Emma @ The Movies (1786 KP) rated John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) in Movies
Jun 22, 2019 (Updated Sep 25, 2019)
We left off at the end of John Wick 2 with our lead's imminent excommunication. He's been given an hours grace, in a city that's filled with assassins his odds don't look good, but even for John Wick... bad odds are still pretty good.
I've been contemplating the story to this since I watched it. There doesn't feel like much of one. He's attempting to save his life, sure, but that's really the only thing. It feels very much like a set up for the sequel, which depending on what you read is either already planned or not planned at all.
I don't really think we go to see John Wick movies for the plot though, do we? So on that front it delivers spectacularly. The opening was immense, we come in knowing that it's all going to kick off pretty quickly after the last instalment so the anticipation is with you from the off, and it doesn't disappoint. Sheer kick-assery that we've come to expect from the franchise.
As the clock ticks over the hour and John Wick's own time is now running out he dashes through the streets (rather bold for someone with a $14 million bounty on his head) trying to make his way to people who might actually help him. Of course he's spotted by one of the thousands of assassins and villains that seem to litter the streets of New York. He ends up in a handily weaponised building and we see him take on a gang of knife proficient bad guys. The scene in this sequence, with the weapons cupboards, had everyone in the cinema chuckling.
Laughter was a surprising feature of the film, the same chuckling rippled through several scenes and broke up the violence. Some of that violence did also bring out the odd pained "ooh" as we recoiled from the screen in sympathetic pain for the character.
The complexities of the fight scenes are epic, but there was one moment in particular that stuck out as being scripted... yes, yes, I know it's all scripted! We see a very brief pause and the reaction's slow in a moment that was such a departure from everything around it that it was very noticeable to me. (On second viewing, while I still saw it, it wasn't as bad as I had seen it the first time.)
One other fight scene made me pause with a moment of being picky. John and Sofia are fighting every bad guy in Morocco. It was epic, it was fun... but everywhere I looked, "someone's going to fall off that and land on that". The set-up of the scenery was such a giveaway to upcoming action that it took some edge of the action.
The cast is filled to the brim with wonderful actors. Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne, Lance Reddick and Anjelica Huston were brilliant. I was a little taken aback to see Jerome Flynn appear as Sofia's old boss, Berrada. I winced a little when I noticed that he was playing it with an accent, but I had to take it back because he was rather good with it. There was no one that I thought was "letting the side down", everyone brought their A-game.
There's only one character that did something that disappointed. Zero, played by Mark Dacascos, is a very disciplined man. He's a master with the knife, a master of death, and his action sequences are incredible. He also gets a very funny moment in The Continental before my moment of disappointment. They turn him into a fanboy, and while the contrast has the potential to be amusing it's actually better achieved with characters later in the film. Zero's change felt uncomfortable and out of place.
I shouldn't put all of that in one place, there's one other very short moment in the film that seems out of character/place, and that's at the very end of the film. It felt so odd that I would have ended it a scene earlier. I liked the reveal, but it would have left a bit more intrigue without it.
We can't talk about John Wick without talking about doggos, and these ones were exceptionally good. The two new additions are very talented and look like they get to have a lot of fun. But my heart belongs to Dog though. When he turns up in a taxi... 😢
Can we all face up to some facts at this point, please? John Wick... super assassin... well, he isn't really is he? He's just really resilient when taking a beating, and very persistent when it comes to shooting things! He'd waste a lot less ammo if he didn't put a minimum of three bullets into every body.
Parabellum was action packed and showed us some very imaginative pieces, but it didn't feel quite as well rounded as either of the other two. I'm still looking forward to what's to come, the pure action is amazing I love to see what they think of next. On the horizon we've got a fourth film, which is listed as Ballerina, and a TV series called The Continental. From this installment I could see some potential routes for the film, but it's the series I'm excited about. I would absolutely love it if each episode was in a different Continental.
What you should do
This movie is an "anyone" kind of thing. Old, young, couples, friends, lone cinema nerds... we were all there. If you love mindless violence and action then you should go and watch this, and look out for the best line of the whole film, "I get it."
If you don't like seeing bad things happen to good books, perhaps don't watch the first ten minutes or so.
Movie thing you wish you could take home
I've been contemplating the story to this since I watched it. There doesn't feel like much of one. He's attempting to save his life, sure, but that's really the only thing. It feels very much like a set up for the sequel, which depending on what you read is either already planned or not planned at all.
I don't really think we go to see John Wick movies for the plot though, do we? So on that front it delivers spectacularly. The opening was immense, we come in knowing that it's all going to kick off pretty quickly after the last instalment so the anticipation is with you from the off, and it doesn't disappoint. Sheer kick-assery that we've come to expect from the franchise.
As the clock ticks over the hour and John Wick's own time is now running out he dashes through the streets (rather bold for someone with a $14 million bounty on his head) trying to make his way to people who might actually help him. Of course he's spotted by one of the thousands of assassins and villains that seem to litter the streets of New York. He ends up in a handily weaponised building and we see him take on a gang of knife proficient bad guys. The scene in this sequence, with the weapons cupboards, had everyone in the cinema chuckling.
Laughter was a surprising feature of the film, the same chuckling rippled through several scenes and broke up the violence. Some of that violence did also bring out the odd pained "ooh" as we recoiled from the screen in sympathetic pain for the character.
The complexities of the fight scenes are epic, but there was one moment in particular that stuck out as being scripted... yes, yes, I know it's all scripted! We see a very brief pause and the reaction's slow in a moment that was such a departure from everything around it that it was very noticeable to me. (On second viewing, while I still saw it, it wasn't as bad as I had seen it the first time.)
One other fight scene made me pause with a moment of being picky. John and Sofia are fighting every bad guy in Morocco. It was epic, it was fun... but everywhere I looked, "someone's going to fall off that and land on that". The set-up of the scenery was such a giveaway to upcoming action that it took some edge of the action.
The cast is filled to the brim with wonderful actors. Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne, Lance Reddick and Anjelica Huston were brilliant. I was a little taken aback to see Jerome Flynn appear as Sofia's old boss, Berrada. I winced a little when I noticed that he was playing it with an accent, but I had to take it back because he was rather good with it. There was no one that I thought was "letting the side down", everyone brought their A-game.
There's only one character that did something that disappointed. Zero, played by Mark Dacascos, is a very disciplined man. He's a master with the knife, a master of death, and his action sequences are incredible. He also gets a very funny moment in The Continental before my moment of disappointment. They turn him into a fanboy, and while the contrast has the potential to be amusing it's actually better achieved with characters later in the film. Zero's change felt uncomfortable and out of place.
I shouldn't put all of that in one place, there's one other very short moment in the film that seems out of character/place, and that's at the very end of the film. It felt so odd that I would have ended it a scene earlier. I liked the reveal, but it would have left a bit more intrigue without it.
We can't talk about John Wick without talking about doggos, and these ones were exceptionally good. The two new additions are very talented and look like they get to have a lot of fun. But my heart belongs to Dog though. When he turns up in a taxi... 😢
Can we all face up to some facts at this point, please? John Wick... super assassin... well, he isn't really is he? He's just really resilient when taking a beating, and very persistent when it comes to shooting things! He'd waste a lot less ammo if he didn't put a minimum of three bullets into every body.
Parabellum was action packed and showed us some very imaginative pieces, but it didn't feel quite as well rounded as either of the other two. I'm still looking forward to what's to come, the pure action is amazing I love to see what they think of next. On the horizon we've got a fourth film, which is listed as Ballerina, and a TV series called The Continental. From this installment I could see some potential routes for the film, but it's the series I'm excited about. I would absolutely love it if each episode was in a different Continental.
What you should do
This movie is an "anyone" kind of thing. Old, young, couples, friends, lone cinema nerds... we were all there. If you love mindless violence and action then you should go and watch this, and look out for the best line of the whole film, "I get it."
If you don't like seeing bad things happen to good books, perhaps don't watch the first ten minutes or so.
Movie thing you wish you could take home
Mandy and G.D. Burkhead (26 KP) rated The Book of Kings in Books
May 20, 2018
Shelf Life – The Book of Kings Has a Few Gems and a Few Warts
Contains spoilers, click to show
Unlike other short story anthologies I could mention, this one wasn’t mostly horrible. Instead, the stories inside run the gamut from stupid to brilliant and from annoying to nothing special to fun and memorable. A little something for everyone, then.
So since I can’t review it with one blanket sentiment, let’s instead take a quick look at a handful of the 20 all-original stories inside. The following are the tales that most stood out to me during my reading, for better or worse.
“The Kiss” by Alan Dean Foster – A woman walking through a snowy city finds a frog who says he’s a prince, so she kisses him. He turns into a guy and stabs her to death.
Oh boy, we’re not off to a great start here. This story could have been told in a page or so and been an interesting twist on the old tale, but instead the author drew it out over three pages by choosing the absolute most pretentious choice of words for every damn sentence. The guy doesn’t stab the woman, his “knife describes a Gothic arc.” She doesn’t shout or whisper or ask what’s going on, she “expels a querrelous trauma.” It’s not snowing on her face, “trifles of ice as beautiful as they were capricious tickled her exposed cheeks, only to be turned into simulacra of tears as they were instantly metamorphosed by the bundled furnace of her body.”
Yes, really.
The sheer purpleness of this prose might be excused for a deliberately lofty and overwrought tale, but it absolutely does not fit a story about a girl getting shanked by a frog on the street. If the contrast between what’s happening and how it’s presented is supposed to seem absolutely ridiculous, then it’s a success. This reads more like a writing exercise for seeing how unbearably melodramatic you can tell a simple story that the author went ahead and published anyway. I only read it last night as of the time of this particular bit of review, but I still have a headache.
“Divine Right” by Nancy Holder – A king grieving for his recently passed daughter and only heir tries to figure out how to keep his legacy from dying out and eventually decides on a way to choose a successor, sealing his decision by making a pact with God.
I really liked this one, partly for the great characterization of the king via his priorities. He’s not a bastion of righteousness or a tyrannical despot. He might be a pretty decent ruler, or he might not, depending on your priorities and the angle from which you view him. Mostly he’s written to be believable for his position and time period, pride and failings and all.
But what really sealed this story for me was the ironic bent of the plot that I can’t really discuss in any more depth without spoiling it except to say that it definitely fit with the tone and left an appropriate message. So let’s just give it a thumbs up and leave it at that.
“In the Name of the King” by Judith Tarr – If you know the story of Hatshepsut, an Egyptian queen who ruled as Pharaoh, then this is an extra interesting story. It follows both Hatshepsut and her lover in the afterlife and the legacy they’re leaving behind after their deaths, in which they take a surprisingly active interest for dead people.
If you know your history, though, you know where this is going, and it’s very touching as it gets there. It’s also character-centric in a way that makes its dead cast members seem very much alive. This one’s a good contender for my favorite story in the whole anthology.
“Please to See the King” by Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald – A small glimpse of about one evening each into the lives of two seemingly unrelated, seemingly unimportant men against the backdrop of the battles being fought over a vague and distant rebellion against a vague and distant crown.
To say more would be to spoil the story, which is short, sweet, and interesting. It gives you just enough details, and no more, that you can piece together a much deeper story with room left for speculation about who certain characters really were and what exactly just happened. I’ve spent more time thinking about how the ending may be interpreted than it took me to read it, which is a good sign of nuance done right.
“The Name of a King” by Diana L. Paxson – This’n c’n rightf’ly b’ put in w’ th’ other st’ries I woul’n’t oth’rwise b’ther t’ mention ‘cept fer th’ o’erwrought dialectic style o’ nearly all o’ th’ dialogue, whut c’n git on yer nerves right quick-like whene’er any’ne op’ns their mouths. An’ while I’m ‘ere, th’ settin’ w’s rife wi’ plen’y o’ hints at deeper d’tails whut was ne’er sufficien’ly delved into or whut impact’d th’ actu’l plot much. Felt like part o’ a fant’sy series whut I was ‘spected t’ b’ f’miliar wit’ but wasn’t, an’ whut di’n’t give me ’nuff t’ git f’miliar wit’ just fr’m this st’ry.
Oth’rwise, t’w’sn’t t’ b’d, I s’pose. Bit borin’.
“Coda: Working Stiff” by Mike Resnick and Nicholas A. DiChario – This one was just fun. Again trying not to give away any twists or revelations, this one follows a journalist interviewing a bus driver who used to be a big, famous king back in his heyday but is now content (or so he says) with his obscure life of working a simple job in the day and drinking in his spartan home at night.
Who this ex-king really is probably isn’t who you think it’s gonna be at first, but the story does still technically, and cheekily, fit in with the premise of the book overall. It reminds me very much of something Neil Gaiman might have written, or maybe Terry Pratchett if he’d decided to tackle the kingly premise from a more modern and realistic approach.
There are still 14 stories left in here, many of which are also good reads, or at least decent. In fact, looking back through it again, the only real dud that stands out to me is “The Kiss.” The weakest of what’s left are either adaptations of stories that didn’t really do it for me (“The Tale of Lady Ashburn” by John Gregory Betancourt) or weird original works that weren’t really memorable in what they set out to do (“A Parker House Roll” by Dean Wesley Smith).
Overall, The Book of Kings is a fun and interesting romp through a number of royal worlds, themes, and tones. As such, anyone who gives it a look will probably have the same general sentiment I did at the end, with a few things to like and a few to point to as examples of what doesn’t work for them. Me, I got a bit of the inspiration I was looking for and a few memorable tales out of it, so I’ll forgive the warts.
So since I can’t review it with one blanket sentiment, let’s instead take a quick look at a handful of the 20 all-original stories inside. The following are the tales that most stood out to me during my reading, for better or worse.
“The Kiss” by Alan Dean Foster – A woman walking through a snowy city finds a frog who says he’s a prince, so she kisses him. He turns into a guy and stabs her to death.
Oh boy, we’re not off to a great start here. This story could have been told in a page or so and been an interesting twist on the old tale, but instead the author drew it out over three pages by choosing the absolute most pretentious choice of words for every damn sentence. The guy doesn’t stab the woman, his “knife describes a Gothic arc.” She doesn’t shout or whisper or ask what’s going on, she “expels a querrelous trauma.” It’s not snowing on her face, “trifles of ice as beautiful as they were capricious tickled her exposed cheeks, only to be turned into simulacra of tears as they were instantly metamorphosed by the bundled furnace of her body.”
Yes, really.
The sheer purpleness of this prose might be excused for a deliberately lofty and overwrought tale, but it absolutely does not fit a story about a girl getting shanked by a frog on the street. If the contrast between what’s happening and how it’s presented is supposed to seem absolutely ridiculous, then it’s a success. This reads more like a writing exercise for seeing how unbearably melodramatic you can tell a simple story that the author went ahead and published anyway. I only read it last night as of the time of this particular bit of review, but I still have a headache.
“Divine Right” by Nancy Holder – A king grieving for his recently passed daughter and only heir tries to figure out how to keep his legacy from dying out and eventually decides on a way to choose a successor, sealing his decision by making a pact with God.
I really liked this one, partly for the great characterization of the king via his priorities. He’s not a bastion of righteousness or a tyrannical despot. He might be a pretty decent ruler, or he might not, depending on your priorities and the angle from which you view him. Mostly he’s written to be believable for his position and time period, pride and failings and all.
But what really sealed this story for me was the ironic bent of the plot that I can’t really discuss in any more depth without spoiling it except to say that it definitely fit with the tone and left an appropriate message. So let’s just give it a thumbs up and leave it at that.
“In the Name of the King” by Judith Tarr – If you know the story of Hatshepsut, an Egyptian queen who ruled as Pharaoh, then this is an extra interesting story. It follows both Hatshepsut and her lover in the afterlife and the legacy they’re leaving behind after their deaths, in which they take a surprisingly active interest for dead people.
If you know your history, though, you know where this is going, and it’s very touching as it gets there. It’s also character-centric in a way that makes its dead cast members seem very much alive. This one’s a good contender for my favorite story in the whole anthology.
“Please to See the King” by Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald – A small glimpse of about one evening each into the lives of two seemingly unrelated, seemingly unimportant men against the backdrop of the battles being fought over a vague and distant rebellion against a vague and distant crown.
To say more would be to spoil the story, which is short, sweet, and interesting. It gives you just enough details, and no more, that you can piece together a much deeper story with room left for speculation about who certain characters really were and what exactly just happened. I’ve spent more time thinking about how the ending may be interpreted than it took me to read it, which is a good sign of nuance done right.
“The Name of a King” by Diana L. Paxson – This’n c’n rightf’ly b’ put in w’ th’ other st’ries I woul’n’t oth’rwise b’ther t’ mention ‘cept fer th’ o’erwrought dialectic style o’ nearly all o’ th’ dialogue, whut c’n git on yer nerves right quick-like whene’er any’ne op’ns their mouths. An’ while I’m ‘ere, th’ settin’ w’s rife wi’ plen’y o’ hints at deeper d’tails whut was ne’er sufficien’ly delved into or whut impact’d th’ actu’l plot much. Felt like part o’ a fant’sy series whut I was ‘spected t’ b’ f’miliar wit’ but wasn’t, an’ whut di’n’t give me ’nuff t’ git f’miliar wit’ just fr’m this st’ry.
Oth’rwise, t’w’sn’t t’ b’d, I s’pose. Bit borin’.
“Coda: Working Stiff” by Mike Resnick and Nicholas A. DiChario – This one was just fun. Again trying not to give away any twists or revelations, this one follows a journalist interviewing a bus driver who used to be a big, famous king back in his heyday but is now content (or so he says) with his obscure life of working a simple job in the day and drinking in his spartan home at night.
Who this ex-king really is probably isn’t who you think it’s gonna be at first, but the story does still technically, and cheekily, fit in with the premise of the book overall. It reminds me very much of something Neil Gaiman might have written, or maybe Terry Pratchett if he’d decided to tackle the kingly premise from a more modern and realistic approach.
There are still 14 stories left in here, many of which are also good reads, or at least decent. In fact, looking back through it again, the only real dud that stands out to me is “The Kiss.” The weakest of what’s left are either adaptations of stories that didn’t really do it for me (“The Tale of Lady Ashburn” by John Gregory Betancourt) or weird original works that weren’t really memorable in what they set out to do (“A Parker House Roll” by Dean Wesley Smith).
Overall, The Book of Kings is a fun and interesting romp through a number of royal worlds, themes, and tones. As such, anyone who gives it a look will probably have the same general sentiment I did at the end, with a few things to like and a few to point to as examples of what doesn’t work for them. Me, I got a bit of the inspiration I was looking for and a few memorable tales out of it, so I’ll forgive the warts.