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Mother May I
Mother May I
Joshilyn Jackson | 2021 | Contemporary, Thriller
10
9.3 (4 Ratings)
Book Rating
After loving Joshilyn Jackson's novel Never Have I Ever, I definitely knew I wanted to read Mother May I by Joshilyn Jackson. Jackson is a brilliant writer, and I was drawn in by the synopsis of this story. I was not disappointed at all!

Bree has everything and wants for nothing. She has three fantastic children, a loving husband, and plenty of money. She starts seeing an old woman that looks like a witch looking through her bedroom window and then again at her daughters' school. When her infant son keeps kidnapped from her daughters' school, it sets something sinister in motion. If Bree wants to see her son alive again, she has to agree to do some pretty messed up things. However, as Bree gets sucked in further and further, she learns some pretty crazy things about those she thought she knew.

First off, the world building for Mother May I was done so fantastically! It was so easy to get sucked into this book. I could easily imagine every little thing that happened throughout Mother May I as I was reading. The pacing was perfect. I found myself never wanting to put this book down. Not once did it ever slow down to become boring or speed up that I got lost. I wanted to make sure baby Robert was safe, and I was also frantic when he went missing and Bree was doing all she could to get him back. I didn't feel like there were any major plot twists. There are a few minor ones though. There is no cliff hanger ending, and all loose ends are tied up by the end of the book. I did enjoy how the book ended though. Mother May I definitely shows was having wealth and privilege can do for you even when you do something bad, so kudos to this book for bringing it to the forefront.

I felt that all the characters in Mother May I were well rounded and developed. It was easy to relate to Bree throughout the book. As a mother myself, I felt her fear and worry at her son being kidnapped. (That's one of my worst nightmares!) I never once blamed her for what she did to make sure her son would be safe and so she could get him back. I'm pretty sure I would do the same as she did. I loved that she came from humble beginnings as well. I loved her backstory. Marshall was such a stand up guy to help out Bree. It was obvious how much he cared for Bree. I admit that I was wary of him throughout the book. I kept waiting for him to somehow be involved in Robert's disappearance. Trey seemed like a stand up guy with how he treated Bree and how much he loved her although Trey was another one I was wary of. I also kept thinking he had something to do with Robert's disappearance. Coral was another one that I could kind of understand her hurt for what happened to her daughter. While I don't agree at all with what she did as an act of revenge (not a spoiler), I knew her heart was hurting for her daughter and what she went through. Coral was a fantastic antagonist though.

Trigger warnings for Mother May I include rape, sexual situations, drug use, drinking, murder, suicide, death, child murder, swearing, and kidnapping.

With such wonderful characters and fantastic world building, Mother May I is a book deserving of such high praise. It goes to show how unfair the world is and how money talks in a well done story. I would definitely recommend Mother May I by Joshilyn Jackson to those aged 18+ who are after a book with a fantastic storyline and a great cast of characters.
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(A special thank you to William Morrow for providing me with a paperback ARC of Mother May I by Joshilyn Jackson. I was under no obligation to write a review.)
  
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Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated Black Swan (2010) in Movies

Jun 21, 2019 (Updated Jun 23, 2019)  
Black Swan (2010)
Black Swan (2010)
2010 | Horror, Thriller
Darren Aronofsky has been circling movie news sites pretty frequently as of late. He recently signed on to direct the stand-alone sequel to Wolverine (appropriately titled The Wolverine). He also developed a rather large and devoted fanbase over the course of directing fantastically surreal films such as Pi, Requiem for a Dream, and The Wrestler, but his psychological thriller Black Swan has also been gaining quite a bit of steam leading up to its December 3rd release. Despite Aronofsky's already well-established reputation and the rather high anticipation for the film, Black Swan still delivers a product that is even better than expected.

Like most ballerinas, Nina (Portman) lives, breathes, and is completely devoted to dance. Artistic director Thomas Leroy (Cassel) is preparing a new spring production of his interpretation of Swan Lake. Nina is next in line to become prima ballerina after the former dancer to hold that spot, Beth Macintyre (Ryder), reluctantly retires. Everything seems to be shifting in that direction until a rather unorthodox, provocative, and unstable (in a dangerous kind of way) dancer named Lily (Kunis) arrives. Lily seems to have an eye for Nina's spot as soon as she walks through the door. Thomas begins to see Nina as the White Swan, which signifies innocence and perfection and Lily as the Black Swan, which is more sensual and deceptive. The problem is that one dancer is required to play both parts. Other than the stiff competition she has to deal with, The Swan Queen role begins to take its toll on Nina who begins to think Lily wants even more than her spot in the production. Nina's obsessive behavior leads to her releasing her dark side that she must now struggle to control.

Aronofsky has always had an exceptional eye for cinematography in his films. His use of micro-photography in The Fountain made the entire film a visually stunning spectacle that will stand the test of time while something like a someone's pupil dilating or a drug deal gone bad in Requiem for a Dream is memorable because of the way and angle Aronofsky shot it rather than relying on its disturbing content to make the scene a classic. Black Swan is no different. Being placed behind Nina whenever she heads to the dance venue gives the viewer a rather unique third person perspective that also gives the impression that you're walking right behind the main character of the film. The intense dream sequences are also shot in a way that flawlessly blur the line between reality and hallucination. Is this really happening or is it all a figment of Nina's deteriorating imagination? Figuring that out is half the film's charm.

The extraordinary main cast is the main ingredient to the film being as great as it is though. The key players all seem to have this twisted side to them that is nearly the exact opposite of the way they first appear to be, which coincides with the Swan Lake theme. Winona Ryder steals most of the screen time she's given whether she's trashing her dressing room, yelling obscenities in Portman's face, or sitting in a hospital room. Even though Mila Kunis seems to play nothing more than her role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall to the most extreme degree on the surface, it's the edge she's given that results in unpredictablity for her character. While Vincent Cassel's performance is strong thanks to his sensual reputation with his dancers and Barbara Hersey is both charming and disturbing as Nina's mother who seems to secretly be trying to live in her daughter's dance shoes after a missed opportunity in her past, it's no surprise to hear that Natalie Portman is the heart of the film. Nina is so consumed with dance that she keeps pushing herself even when her mind and body begin to show her that she's had enough. Her breakdowns are heartbreaking and engaging to watch while her transformation by the end of the film can best be described as a monstrous beauty. It's all thanks to Portman's powerful, phenomenal, tour de force performance.

While some might not be surprised that Aronofsky has created another masterpiece, this may be his most solid and well-rounded film to date. Black Swan is a beautiful, disturbing, and captivating work of art that features gorgeous camera work, an excellent and mindbending story, and one of Natalie Portman's best performances.
  
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Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated Get Him to the Greek (2010) in Movies

Jun 22, 2019 (Updated Jun 23, 2019)  
Get Him to the Greek (2010)
Get Him to the Greek (2010)
2010 | Comedy
6
6.3 (6 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Aaron Green (Jonah Hill) works as a record company intern at Pinnacle Records. His boss Sergio Roma (Sean "Diddy" Combs) is wanting a "game changer" that will help turn the company around. Aaron pitches the idea that since it's the ten year anniversary of out of control British rock star Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) performing at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles, he believes that the company can make a serious profit from not only a return performance, but by re-releasing his back catalog, as well. Sergio eventually goes for the idea and Aaron flies out to London to bring Aldous back to America to prepare for the show. Unfortunately for him, Aldous Snow's lifestyle tends to rub off on him and turns his life upside down in the process. As Aaron deals with some relationship issues and has his hands full trying to keep Aldous sober, Aldous has some relationship problems of his own and begins to wonder if there's more to life than sex, drugs, and rock and roll. It seems like a moot point by the time the Greek Theater show sells out as Aaron may not have a girlfriend or a job by the time the show begins and Aldous speaks of skipping the gig altogether.

I was a pretty big fan of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but that was mostly due to the Dracula rock opera and Russell Brand's outrageous portrayal of Aldous Snow. So Get Him to the Greek immediately grabbed my attention since it was announced as a spinoff sequel, but I became excited when reviews trickled in saying it was raunchier than its predecessor. Is more Aldous Snow really a good thing though? The short answer is yes. Yes it is.

Russell Brand is really the backbone of the film. Aldous Snow's rock star lifestyle provides his character with a sense of unpredictability as his outlandish outbursts and struggle with more adult decisions is enticing and at often times hilarious. Jonah Hill's screen presence is just as important to the film. His usual quick witted and delightfully explicit sense of humor in addition to his chemistry with Russell Brand is really a spectacular combination. Sean Combs manages to steal quite a few scenes, as well. His theory on screwing with people's heads and his one-liners ("You cannot out run me! I am black!") were surprisingly hysterical. The music in the film is really the key ingredient that brings the entire film together though. Fictional band Infant Sorrow delivers some pretty fantastic and humorously obscene ballads that are better than they should be for a film like this. I liked "Furry Walls" so much that I downloaded the soundtrack as soon as I returned from the theater.

The film's strongest scenes don't seem to last as long as they should though. The R-rated comedy seems to shine brightest when things get a bit more serious as the main characters come off as being more human, more realistic, and easier to relate to during those situations. Unfortunately those scenes really only begin to transpire in the last 15-20 minutes of the film and even though the point is made, I can't help but think of how a great film could have been even better if those events had occurred earlier on to have an even bigger impact. The biggest issue for me was that most of the scenes in the trailers were either not in the film at all or were different takes from scenes that actually made it into the theatrical version of the film. That means the DVD will probably be unrated and have x amount of extra footage not seen in theaters, but at least 50% of the scenes you're looking forward to were probably left on the cutting room floor which is just disappointing.

Get Him to the Greek may very well be this year's The Hangover, but isn't quite as laugh out loud funny as the 2009 comedy blockbuster. Get Him to the Greek is a wonderfully amusing comedy with a highly entertaining soundtrack that effectively gives a little more depth to the already remarkable for all the wrong reasons character Aldous Snow, but unfortunately doesn't live up to the reputation of being the uproarious riot that everyone seems to be making it out to be. Nevertheless, it is still an extremely solid comedy that comes highly recommended from me.
  
Digimon Adventure: Last Evolution Kizuna (2020)
Digimon Adventure: Last Evolution Kizuna (2020)
2020 | Action, Adventure, Animation
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Since 1999, the anime Digimon has had multiple reiterations full of characters known as ‘Digi-Destined’, kids who are connected to a Digimon, or Digital Monsters. As a kid who grew up watching the original Digimon Adventures (1999), the first series of the show holds a place near and dear in my heart. So when Toei Animation announced that six films were being released from 2015-2017 with the original Digimon Adventures characters just as teens, the nostalgia wave hit me hard. While those films were great I thought that was the end of the original Digimon series group for good. Oh was I wrong!

Digimon Adventure: The Last Evolution Kizuna (2020), follows the events of Digimon Adventure Tri, it’s been a couple of years and the Digi-Destined are all off pursuing careers, or college. To break it down; Sora (Colleen O’Shaughnessey) is working on becoming a flower arranger, Mimi (Kate Higgins) is working at an online start-up, Joe (Robbie Daymond) is working to become a doctor, Izzy (Mona Marshall) to no one’s surprise is the president of a company, and Matt (Nicolas Roye) and Tai (Joshua Seth) are about to finish up college. TK (Johnny Yong Bosch) and Kari (Tara Sands) are also in the mix, but the story’s focus is on Tai and Matt. Throughout the entire Digimon franchise, these two are rivals as well as best friends and as the characters have gotten older the best friends bit is more of the focus. Now Tai and Matt are having to cope with the reality of growing up along side their digimon Agumon (Tom Fahn) and Gabumon (Kirk Thornton), but what does that mean for all the Digi-Destined and their Digimon?

To not spoil anything, the core group is faced with the issue of Digi-Destined across the globe falling into mysterious comas. When a research team from the United States shows up asking for the Digi-Destined’s help to fight against a new Digimon believed to be the cause of the global issue is really where the story starts to flesh out beyond what the main 8 characters are doing with their lives. However, can finding out the truth behind this mysterious new Digimon and will figuring out what to do with their futures work out for Matt and Tai? Will they be able to save the Digi-Destined across the global or is something lurking in plain sight that will put a stop to their plans? All these questions and more are answered in the film, you’ll just have to watch as see!

The film explores some major themes, like growing up, the ebbs and flows of friendship, and being able to let go. All themes that are important, as Digimon Adventure’s (1999) original audience is at that age of figuring out what do you want to do with your life? or what is your purpose or goal for the future? While these questions are far greater then one or two words or even tied down to an age, the film uses them to direct the narrative of how Tai and Matt develop throughout the story. To be transparent, I cried about 5 minutes after the film ended as it felt like a true ending for the main characters. The film pulls on all the right heartstrings as well as gives some good conflict for viewers to enjoy. Also if that wasn’t enough, Toei’s animation style for the series has changed throughout the years and the animation in the film was gorgeous. I would watch it again just for that alone, however, there are so many reasons to watch it.

I feel this film gives people who were die-hard Digimon Adventure (1999) fans closure in a way not many series gives. There is even some influence of Digimon Adventure 02 (2000) within the film and some other familiar characters so if your a fan of the second series it’s a great addition. Like many films who ride the nostalgia wave, Digimon Adventure: The Last Evolution Kizuna (2020) is no different as it make your laugh, cry, and remember why you love a franchise so much. So give it a shot if you were a fan of Digimon, love a good anime movie, or just wanna relive a childhood classic! However, to those not familiar with the series, it might be challenging not knowing the characters backstories as the movie like the series has an emphasis on their relationships as friends. However, they are rebooting the original Digimon Aventures so thats a place to start too!
  
Mary Poppins Returns (2018)
Mary Poppins Returns (2018)
2018 | Family
Disney knocks it out of the park
It was 1964 when the world was introduced to a practically-perfect British nanny in Walt Disney’s Mary Poppins. Back then, Julie Andrews starred as the eponymous character alongside Dick van Dyke and David Tomlinson. It was an instant hit and became one of Disney’s most-loved feature films.

That is, by everyone apart from the author of Mary Poppins, PL Travers. So incensed by what she felt was Disney’s misunderstanding of her source material, she banned all future work with the studio.

So, 54 years later and with Travers’ estate finally agreeing to a sequel (I wonder how much Disney executives had to pay for that), we get a sequel that no-one was really asking for. Mary Poppins Returns brings the titular character back into the hearts of newcomers and fans alike, but is the film as practically-perfect in every way like its lead? Or is it a bit of a dud?

Now an adult with three children, bank teller Michael Banks (Ben Whishaw) learns that his house will be repossessed in five days unless he can pay back a loan. His only hope is to find a missing certificate that shows proof of valuable shares that his father left him years earlier. Just as all seems lost, Michael and his sister Jane (Emily Mortimer) receive the surprise of a lifetime when Mary Poppins (Emily Blunt), the beloved nanny from their childhood, arrives to save the day and take the Banks family on a magical, fun-filled adventure.

Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins? You’re right to be sceptical. After all, how can an American actress bring to life a character so quintessentially British? Remarkably, she does it, with a cracking British accent to match. Blunt is, as she is in all her films, picture-perfect and oozing charisma. In fact, the entire cast is fabulous with the likes of Colin Firth and Meryl Streep joining the party as a sneaky bank manager and Mary Poppins’ cousin respectively. We’ve also got Julie Walters popping up every now and then as Ellen the housekeeper.

The new Banks children are absolutely wonderful. Pixie Davies, Nathanael Saleh and Joel Dawson show a range of emotions that would make seasoned actors blush, but here they thrive and look like they were having a blast. And that’s a trait clearly shared by the entire cast. Lin-Manuel Miranda’s plucky lamp-lighter, Jack, is obviously having the time of his life and this makes the whimsical nature of Mary Poppins Returns even more apparent.

In its hey-day, Mary Poppins was a technical revolution. Mixing live-action with colourful animation made the screen burst alive with imagination. Of course, special effects have moved on in the 50+ years that Mary has been away from our screens, but you’ll be pleased to know that each sequence feels just as magical.

From under the sea adventures to topsy-turvy houses, the ‘action’ scenes are beautifully filmed by director Rob Marshall. One scene in particular, involving hundreds of lamp-lighters is absolutely astounding and exquisitely choreographed.

The finale is typical sickly-sweet Disney, but in a movie populated by cartoon penguins, Irish dogs and the meaning of childhood, why shouldn’t it be?
The setting of Depression-era London lives and breathes before your very eyes. The CGI and practical effects used to create the capital in 1935 is astonishing, and testament to the teams behind the film. That £130million budget was clearly very well spent.

Then there are the songs. We all know the masterpieces from the original, but will there be any here that children will still be singing along to when they grow older? That’s debatable, but there are three or four that have the potential to be future classics. Look out for Trip the Light Fantastic, which makes up part of the film’s best scenes.

The finale is typical sickly-sweet Disney, but in a movie populated by cartoon penguins, Irish dogs and the meaning of childhood, why shouldn’t it be? The world is filled with such atrocities, it’s nice to sit back, relax with the family and enjoy a film that allows you to escape into your own imagination.

Any downsides? Well, while the pacing is nearly spot on, there’s no denying that Mary Poppins Returns is a long film by family film standards. At 130 minutes, it feels like this sequel is perhaps more for fans of the original than the children that the older film was clearly made for.

But these are small gripes in a sequel that pleasantly surprises on each and every turn. While lacking in the typical Disney poignancy, the film’s message is read loud and clear. There’s no doubt that Mary Poppins Returns is yet another hit for the studio and you’re sure to leave the cinema with a huge smile on your face. Mary is back and she means business.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/12/23/mary-poppins-returns-review-disney-knocks-it-out-of-the-park/
  
Skyscraper (2018)
Skyscraper (2018)
2018 | Action
As sponsored by Duck Tape.
I have a fundamental problem with this film. And it’s not that it’s an irrevocably cheesy and derivative action movie, since you could automatically assume that by watching the ridiculously over-the-top trailer. But more on that later.

Dwayne Johnson plays Will Sawyer, a security expert left one-legged after a disastrous FBI operation 10 years previously. Now Will has moved with his wife Sarah (Neve Campbell, “Scream”, “House of Cards”) and two young kids into “The Pearl” in Hong Kong, the tallest building – by several Shards – in the world, designed and constructed by tech billionaire Zhao Long Ji (Chin Han, “Independence Day: Resurgence“). As the first residents, the family live in isolated splendour on a high floor. But in true “Die Hard” fashion, baddies, led by a the unconvincingly evil “Scandinavian” Kores Botha (Roland Møller, “The Commuter“), are intent on controlling and then destroying the high-rise. As fire races up towards his family, Will has to use all his physical capabilities to re-enter the building and save his family.

Now, there are implausible leaps in films and then there are IMPLAUSIBLE leaps!
As a story it’s well-crafted but completely bonkers. There are more ludicrous plot holes than muscles on Johnson’s well-crafted body. Why exactly does Botha needs to implement such a ridiculously convoluted plot to secure his goal? Why wasn’t the lift drop delayed by two minutes? Why don’t critical access controls have two-factor authentication? And – most perplexing of all – why don’t the “heaven cameras” show the building below?!!

Big, bigger, biggest!
Both “Die Hard” and “The Towering Inferno”, of which this is an unsubtle blend, could both be similarly accused of lacking credibility but were fun rides. This is not in the same league as either, but has its moments of vertiginous excitement. Johnson is suitably energetic in the muscular lead but lacks acting nuance. I was trying to analyse why this is, and I came down to his eyeballs! In conversation with Campbell, his eyes dart from left to right and back again, as if an army of ants are running over her face. He needs to take lessons on fixed stares from Michael Caine!

Duck tape! Anyone knows if you put two bits together you never get them apart again!
As the title of this review implies, Duck Tape also plays a key role: not for Johnson the fancy blue light/red light gloves of Tom Cruise! It also derives one of the best of a series of quotable lines from the film: “If it can’t be fixed with Duck Tape, you’re not using enough Duck Tape!”.

Neve Campbell is actually the best actor in the film, proving to be suitably kick-ass in her own right. It’s a shame she’s been rather tagged as ‘the screaming girl from “Scream”… no, not Barrymore, the other one’: she deserves more feature film opportunities like this one.

The best acting in the movie from Neve Campbell, here with a Noah Cottrell and a supremely confident performance by McKenna Roberts.
Rawson Marshall Thurber (“Central Intelligence“, “Dodgeball”) keeps the action to a tight 102 minutes, but needs to keep more control over his Hong Kong extras: there is far too much ‘twenty-second-pointing’ and over exuberant jumping up and down going on that draws the attention away from the principals. This is particularly the case in the Die-Hard rip-off of an ending (“HOOOLLLLLLYYYYYY!!!”).

As a popcorn piece of escapist nonsense, it’s serviceable and delivers as a B-grade movie… it’s not good enough to be a “Die Hard” classic, and not bad enough to be a “so bad it’s good” disaster like “Into the Storm“.

Taiwanese actress Hannah Quinlivan as Xia, the ruthless hit-girl.
You’ll note that I haven’t rubbished the film per se. So why then do I hold a negative view of the flick, and indeed somewhat regret going to see it?

One word – – Grenfell.

I knew the plot on going in, but didn’t equate just how damaging the mental effects of that dreadful night of 14th June 2017 were on my soul. Traumatic incendiary scenes together with some insensitive dialogue (“We’re going to turn that tower into a chimney”) broke through the wall of “entertainment” and left just a sick feeling in my stomach. And my wife had exactly the same feelings as we debriefed afterwards. This is a film that might have benefited from sitting on the shelf for a couple of years before release.

If you can separate in your mind the movie story from the shocking reality of one of life’s most unpleasant recent twists, then good for you: go and enjoy the movie. But I wasn’t so lucky so on a purely personal basis this is one occasion when I will give a film two ratings.
  
Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Entertaining Hell Yes, Great Hell No
Hellboy is a 2019 supernatural superhero movie based on the Dark Horse Comics character created by Mike Mignola. It is the third film in the franchise and is also a reboot of the series. It is directed by Neil Marshall with screenplay by Andrew Cosby and distributed by Lionsgate. The film stars David Harbour, Millar Jovovich, Ian McShane and Daniel Dae Kim.


In the Dark Ages, Nimue, the Blood Queen, nearly destroyed humanity with a deadly plague. Immortal, she was only defeated by King Arthur with the help of Merlin and the magical blade Excalibur. She was beheaded, dismembered, and her remains scattered over Europe. In present day Tijuana, Hellboy (David Harbour), searches for a missing B.P.R.D. agent, Ruiz. Hellboy discovers Ruiz has been turned into a vampire and while trying to reason with him, Hellboy is forced into a confrontation which ultimately leads to the death of the agent. Meanwhile a mysterious person speaks with Baba Yaga, a witch-like creature, seeking revenge on Hellboy, and is told to locate the remains of Nimue and resurrect her.


This has been a really hard movie for me to review. I genuinely enjoyed it while watching it in theaters. That being said, this movie is a train wreck and I can't recommend for people to spend money to see it unless you wait for it to be at the dollar movies or Redbox. There were just so many things that I guess I was blind to while watching it, that i just shrugged off or didn't pay much attention to. Like all my reviews this will be as spoiler free as possible but i have to acknowledge major flaws that other critics and reviewers brought up. And there were a lot, I mean right now the critics are tearing this movie a new one. First, I thought David Harbour did as good a job as anyone could do replacing Ron Pearlman as Hellboy in this film. But replacing such a beloved and likeable character with a funny and charismatic personality which Pearlman made his own, he had his work cut out for him. I don't think he's ever acted with all the makeup and prosthetics and it showed because I don't think he was as expressive as he could have been. Plus this movie was also made with a different director and not Guillermo Del Toro, so it was already going to have a way different feel to it. To me though, those weren't the things that contributed the most to the failure of this movie, it's more of the other things I'm still getting to. This was a reboot of the series and they decided to go with a different group of supporting characters, and to also make the plot or story more closely related or similar to the comics (the source material). Now usually sticking with what the comics have for the story is always better than changing it in my opinion but it seems for this film that they chose to incorporate several different storylines and characters and felt like it was too much crammed into too little. Also this movie was all over the place, story wise and literally. It seemed the characters kept having to travel unnecessarily. It felt like the supporting characters were just thrown into the story and it didn't bother to introduce them to the audience correctly. Everyone just got a flashback and or had themselves or their origin "expositioned" into the movie. I liked a lot of the character designs and thought a lot of the CGI was well done, in places, however it seems like they had different animators or studios work on different scenes or characters and some of it was horrible. The dialogue was really bad too. There were a lot of jokes and one liners that just fell flat and nobody laughed, plus like i said way too much exposition. There was a character who wears a headdress that was so big it looked ridiculous, which I wonder if it was done on purpose. And there was a character whose clothes tear when they transform and they automatically have pants when they transform back, which makes no sense. The plot too was not very sound and full of plot holes and things that didn't make sense, were just added in, or were part of scenes that got cut along the way. It hurts me to give this movie a score so low but I give this movie a 5/10.


Now I'm not saying don't watch it. I just can't recommend you drop as much cash as you usually do to see it in theaters. I personally still really enjoyed it and was genuinely entertained. It was awesome to see the blood and gore in a darker Hellboy movie and the action was great even if the CGI always wasn't. The music even if it didn't fit the tone or every scene was great. If your expecting the Hellboy from the Guillermo Del Toro films you might just hate this movie. But if you're just looking for "Big Red" to beat up on some baddies then I think you might get a kick out of this movie. Hey, some critics are saying that it's so bad it's good.
  
The Great Wall (2016)
The Great Wall (2016)
2016 | Action, Drama, Mystery
5
5.8 (27 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Exercising your Damons.
Millions of people watching the Oscars would have seen Jimmy Kimmel roasting poor Matt Damon as a part of their long running ‘feud’. At one point he points out that Matt gave up the leading role in “Manchester by the Sea” to star in a “Chinese ponytail movie” that “went on to lose $80 million at the box office”. “The Great Wall” is that movie!
So is it really that bad?
Well, it’s no “Manchester by the Sea” for sure. But I don’t think it’s quite the total turkey that critics have been labelling it as either. I went to see it on a Sunday afternoon, and approaching it as a matinee bit of frothy action is a good mental state to be in.

Matt Damon plays the ponytailed-wonder William, a European mercenary travelling in 11th Century China with his colleague Tovar (Pedro Pascal) in an attempt to determine the secrets of black powder – a secret well-guarded by the Chinese. Captured by the ‘New Order’ at the Great Wall and imprisoned there by General Shao (Hanyu Zhang), William earns the respect of Shao and his beautiful warrior second-in-command Lin Mae (Tian Jing) with his bowmanship. This is almost immediately put to use by the arrival (after 60 year’s absence – a funny thing, timing, isn’t it?) of hoards of vicious creatures called Taoties. (I thought they said Tauntauns initially, so was expecting some sort of Chinese/Star Wars crossover! But no.)

Taoties who scale the wall are defeated by William who poleaxes them. (This is an attempt at brilliant humour to anyone who has already seen the film – poleaxe…. get it? POLEaxe. Oh, never mind!) Despite being a mercenary at heart, William is torn between staying and helping Lin Mae fight the beasts and fleeing with Tovar, their new chum Ballard (Willem Dafoe) and their black powder loot. (I’m sure something about Lin Mae’s tight-fitting blue armour was influential in his decision).
This is an historic film in that although in recent years there has been cross-fertilization of Chinese actors into Western films for box-office reasons (for example, in the appalling “Independence Day: Resurgence” and the much better Damon vehicle “The Martian“) this was the first truly co-produced Chinese/Hollywood feature filmed entirely in China. It might also be the last given the film’s $150 million budget and the dismal box-office!
To start with some positives, you can rely on a Chinese-set film (the film location was Qingdao) to allow the use of an army of extras and – although a whole bunch of CGI was also no doubt used – some of the battles scenes are impressive. There is a stirring choral theme by Ramin Djawadi (best known for his TV themes for “Game of Thrones” and the brilliant “Westworld”) played over silk-screen painted end titles that just make for a beautiful combination. And Tian Jing as the heroine Lin Mae is not only stunningly good-looking but also injects some much needed acting talent into the cast, where most of those involved (including Damon himself) look like they would rather be somewhere else.

And some of the action scenes are rather fun in a ‘park your brain by the door’ sort of way, including (nonsensically) cute warrior girls high-diving off the wall on bungey ropes to near certain death. While the CGI monsters are of the (yawn) over-the-top LoTR variety, their ability to swarm like locusts at the Queen’s command is also quite entertainingly rendered.
Where the movie balloon comes crashing down to earth in flames though is with the story and the screenplay – all done by three different people each, which is NEVER a good sign.

The story (by Max Brooks (“World War Z”), Edward Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz (both on “The Last Samurai”) is plain nonsensical at times. No spoilers here, but the transition from “wall under siege” to “wall not under siege” gives the word ‘clunky’ a bad name. As another absurdity, the “New Order” seem amazed how William was able to slay one of the creatures (thanks to the poleaxing ‘McGuffin’ previously referenced) but then throughout the rest of the film he slays creatures left right and centre (McGuffin-less) through just the use of a spear or an arrow! Bonkers.
Things get worse when you add words to the actions. The screenplay by Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro (both “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”) and Tony Gilroy (Tony Gilroy? Surely not he of all the “Bourne” films and “Rogue One” fame? The very same!) has a reading age of about an 8 year old. It feels like it has been translated into Chinese and then back again to English with Google Translate. “Is that the best you can do?” asks Tovar to William at one point. I was thinking exactly the same thing.
The combination of the cinematography and the special effects have the unfortunate effect of giving the film the veneer of a video game, but this is one where your kid-brother has stolen the controls and refuses to give them back to you.

Having had the great thrill of visiting a section of The Great Wall near Beijing, I can confirm that it is an astonishing engineering masterpiece that has to be seen to be truly believed. It ranks as one of the genuine wonders of the world. The same can not be said of this movie. Early teens might enjoy it as a mindless action flick. But otherwise best avoided until it emerges on a raining Sunday afternoon on the TV.
  
Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Make up (0 more)
Acting (0 more)
It all looked soooo promising
Contains spoilers, click to show
Let me say this upfront; David Harbour looks f---ing boss as Hellboy. The makeup is far superior to that of Ron Perlman, not that there was anything wrong with Ron Perlman’s, but with this new incarnation it’s all in the eyes. Deep red, sunken, pained. Sadly, that is all I can say about this movie that is one hundred percent genuinely positive. There are positives however, but they come with a big ‘however’.
I was initially a little concerned that we were getting a re-boot and not a direct sequel to Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008), especially as it still seemed so recent and was so well made. I know it was over a decade ago but quality is timeless, yeah? Then David Harbour was cast and Neil Marshall announced as director. Great, thought I, an actor I like and a director who’s put out some solid genre material. I saw the first picture of Harbour as Hellboy and I was genuinely excited. I saw the trailer and again, excited. Then I watched the film.
Eurgh, where to start?
Firstly, Ian McShane’s initial voice over is clunky and ill fitting, then they throw in some b@llocks about King Arthur and Excalibur. I had my first wobble here, as some of the effects seemed less than special.
Cue opening titles.
The film starts with a Mexican wrestling match that is purely exposition to let us know Hellboy is a hard drinking and hard fighting anti-hero working for an organisation that deals with the paranormal. The make up for his vampiric opponent is also great (can’t fault the makeup department), but the scene seemed superfluous. We get the nubbin of the story forming now; some horrible witchy wench from way back when was cut into bits and flung around jolly old England to prevent her from spreading a right ‘orrible plague. Turns out a potty-mouthed Liverpudlian pig-monster is collecting said bits in the hope of putting her back together in exchange for his normal appearance. Scouse pig-monster is quite entertaining.
Hellboy goes to England at the request of an upper-class paranormal society to help them kill giants; this goes t1ts up. Again, this seems like unnecessary exposition to introduce Alice, a medium who he rescued as a baby, who now rescues him in a transit van. We also get introduced to M11’s Agent Daimio. There something wrong with him, he keeps injecting himself with a serum to stop something happening. I knew at this point we’d get to see what it was eventually, probably at a juncture where something is needed to rescue someone important. However, at this point I had a feeling it would be bad, I just didn’t know how bad.
There some more fighting, some good effects, some mediocre effects and some terrible effects. There’s some good one-liners, there’s some dull and/or terrible dialogue and then we get the film’s conclusion.
There’s something I’ve been putting off mentioning as I didn’t want the entire review to be about it, and it could have been; the witchy wench at the heart of all this paranormal consternation, Nimue, is played by Milla Jovovich and she is terrible. From when she first opens her mouth to her predictable demise, she is terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE.
I love some of the Resident Evil films but all she’s required to do is some slow-motion scissor kicks and shoot zombies and zombie-dogs in the face. She is tolerated, rather than enjoyed. Here she is emoting, or at least I think that’s what she was going for, and as a depiction of an evil entity bent of the destruction of all mankind, she is, for want of a better word, cack.
David Harbour and the Hellboy franchise deserve better than this. To be blunt, the franchise has better than this and Mike Mignola should be a bit more f---ing precious with his creation.
Hellboy (2004) was genuinely exciting; it was an origin story that bought that story full circle for its thrilling and apocalyptical conclusion. It has a wonderful nemesis, great support and breath-taking visuals. The re-tread of the origin story in Hellboy (2019) is, again, one more unnecessary diversion from a sketchy plot, which, for all its meagre bones takes a f-ck load of time to tell.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) was equally impressive. It also introduced a fully formed community of creatures and customs hiding alongside mankind. It did so with nonchalant aplomb. Nothing seemed irrelevant or forced. For two films with almost identical running times, Hellboy (2019) tells less of a story with way more waffle.
So, I did mention there were some positives. David Harbour is great. He’s dour, sarcastic, defiant and funny, he just has no engaging story in which to be all those things. Ian McShane is good as the father figure but he is overshadowed by memories of the late, unbelievably great John Hurt. The story of a witch trying to destroy mankind is solid fantasy movie gold and the unleashing of her plague late in the final act is suitably hellish; bizarre demons emerging from city streets and tearing humans limb from limb, it’s bloody wonderful and wonderfully bloody. They all could have come straight out of a Clive Barker fever dream. However, it’s too little too late, by this point in the story we’ve had too many cutaways, too much shoddy CGI, and Agent Daimio stinking up many a scene with his ‘will he won’t he’ turn into something rubbish… he does.
The worst part of all this is I don’t know if they can come back from this. The film may have sunk the franchise at least for the next few years.
I do however, look forward to a re-boot in a decade or so, if we haven’t all been assimilated by aliens, overrun by AI robots or decimated by a supernatural plague bought on by some witchy wench with an axe to grind.

THREE WORD SUMMATION: Big Red Turd.
  
Prometheus (2012)
Prometheus (2012)
2012 | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
After nearly 2 years of waiting and rampant speculation, director Ridley Scott’s science-fiction epic Prometheus has finally arrived. The project initially started as a prequel to Alien, and in doing so got the attention of the Alien fan community. After the last two sequels and two disastrous Alien Versus Predator spinoffs, this fan community was eager for the director who started the series to bring the series back to prominence. However, hopes were dashed when it was announced that Prometheus would not be a prequel but instead a standalone film that “shared” DNA with Alien. As production of the film developed under very tight conditions, fans could only speculate as to the nature of the film even when leaked photos and eventually trailers seem to indicate more than a passing connection to the Alien franchise.

The film follows the story of Dr. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace), who in the late 21st century makes a startling discovery with her boyfriend Charlie Halloway (Logan Marshall-Green). Their discovery leads to an extremely expensive expedition to an unknown area of space aboard the state-of-the-art research vessel Prometheus. The eclectic but talented crew of experts along for the ride are under the stern watch of Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron), who has been appointed by the Weyland Corporation to oversee the expedition even though she is highly skeptical about the expected goals that set the crew on the journey.

Holloway and Shaw believe that a series of paintings they discovered at several archaeological sites throughout the world indicated that ancient man had been visited and guided by beings from beyond the stars and that said beings may very well be responsible for engineering humanity as well.

After a journey of nearly 2.5 years the crew arrives at the star system depicted in the paintings and soon find themselves exploring a temple-like structure on an otherwise desolate and apparently lifeless moon. Despite the misgivings of the crew, when the true nature of their expedition is revealed upon their arrival, Shaw and Holloway are vindicated when remains of alien life forms and other technology are discovered by the crew.

Their initial exploration cut short due to a violent storm, the crew returns the safety of the ship to wait out the storm, save for two members of the team who remained at the temple after becoming lost. A series of events follow which soon indicate that not only are there hidden agendas at play but that the crew has stumbled upon a discovery that they are ill-prepared for.

Bizarre and horrific revelations and events follow which cause the crew members to question their motivations and the expedition’s purpose as well as examine their place in a much more complex and dangerous universe, where their petty human concerns and conflicts now seem much more insignificant.

It would be very difficult to go into further detail with spoiling key elements to the film. Suffice it to say that there are some real twist and turns along the way as well as some thrills and action that keep things moving along nicely as the film makes its way towards the conclusion. But, yes, Prometheus does have a very clear connection to the Alien films.

Scott had said that he wanted to do something epic in scale and in that he has, for the most part, succeeded. Shot using the latest 3-D technology, the film is amazing to watch. The opening sequence, as well as some footage of the ship in-flight, are truly gorgeous to look at and the amazing attention to detail not only on the alien world but on the ship itself is truly spectacular.

Early in the film, the android David (Michael Fassbender) is seen going through his various routines on the ship as the crew sleeps in suspended animation. His various activities range from monitoring the crew and their dreams, to watching old movies and studying ancient languages and keeping an eye on the ship systems. All that seems fairly routine, but it is his skill with a basketball that was fascinating and establishes the complex and dynamic character that he portrays.

This introduction underscores the diversity of the crew. We are given bits and pieces about all of them to help them stand out from the usual stock characters in this type of film. While we are not given as complete a background set up as I would’ve liked, little touches such as Capt. Janik (Idris Elba), insisting upon celebrating Christmas as well as the crew running side bets, help to underscore that these are people we can easily relate to, just doing their job in extraordinary situations. This was something that Scott mastered in the original Alien, giving you average Joe’s who had to deal with extraterrestrial horror.

I mention this because Prometheus is not an action film, nor is it a horror film. I wonder if perhaps this film had not had the production costs that it does, if it would be better suited for fall release. I say this not as a criticism of the movie, simply to emphasize the fact this is a movie that requires thought, something your typical summer blockbuster doesn’t. Scott does not lay it out on a plate for the audience and say “Here it is, take it.” He presents a story filled with questions, and instead of giving you answers, gives you even more questions as the film goes along.

At first, this was more than a bit frustrating as I wanted answers to questions I’ve had since seeing the original Alien back in 1979. I wanted to know more about some of the plot lines and characters as well as certain situations that were in the film. At one point the captain shares some very important information. I asked myself how this piece of news was arrived at, as certainly a discovery of this magnitude would have been a very interesting scene. However much like the film’s premise, faith is an underlying and key component. Just as the characters discuss and act based on faith, or lack thereof, audience members asked to have faith in the storyline and the sequence of events that lead up to the finale. There will be those who will be unwilling to do so and will be quick to find fault with the film, cast, and plot. But I hope there will be more who accept that they are seeing the first part of a larger journey and understand that there are things that they are meant to know, as well as things hey are not meant to know and in time more may be revealed.

Scott has indicated that he would like to do another film in the series and scuttlebutt indicates the studio would very much like to entertain thoughts of a trilogy. I would certainly like to see this, as would a few of my fellow critics. Following our screening, three of us stood around discussing aspects of the film, trying to figure out what it really meant and how it connected to the Alien series as well as potential future films in the series. If nothing else, this movie will spark interesting conversation.

As the days have passed since seeing the film I’ve appreciated it more and more with each passing day. Scott could have taken the easy way out and given a straight up prequel to Alien complete with all manner of monsters and CGI creatures on the loose wrecking havoc upon a crew of unfortunate victims. Instead he opted to take a much larger look at life, the universe, and our place in it and wove a complex and open-ended framework that not only provided fantastic entertainment but also provided an opportunity for intelligent conversation and introspection.

From the incredible visuals to the engaging and enjoyable cast, Prometheus is a refreshing and enjoyable film and an extremely welcome and much-needed addition to the alien franchise.