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Princess of Thorns
Stacey Jay | 2014
4
6.7 (3 Ratings)
Book Rating
<i>Princess of Thorns</i> isn't even a retelling – it's <b>just a fairy tale (pun may be intended) where the original characters are quite dead (poisoned, murdered, suicidal, etc.) and the spawn of Aurora 1.0 and Stephen is cursed in exchange for her fairy blessings.</b>

That particular spawn, who I'm calling Aurora 2.0 (simply because <i>THE</i> Sleeping Beauty was born as Aurora but Stacey Jay calls her Rose), apparently has a brother who gets captured by the ogre queen and she decides to pose as said brother to raise an army to overthrow the ogre queen. Early on in her journey – the beginning of the book, in actuality – Aurora meets Prince Niklaas, son of the immortal king of Kanvasola and wait for it...

Also cursed.

I won't complain too much about <i>Princess of Thorns</i> – it's a neat idea and there's really not much you can do with a retelling of a princess who sleeps a hundred years and gets woken up by a kiss from a prince who goes through thorns and fights a green-fire breathing dragon witch known as Maleficent. I pretty much applaud authors who toy around with Sleeping Beauty – it's interesting to see what comes out of it.

But <b>the book is <i>sooo</i> confusing</b>. From the beginning, Jay quite literally throws us in a world where Aurora is aware of what's going on around her, but <b>I have no clue what's going on.</b> Aurora thinks she's seeing a hottie who she thinks is a "Golden God" – great! But what in the world is going on? All I know is she's been with the fey for ten years and she may or may not be with them right at that time, and whatever was going on for fifteen pages certainly doesn't sound very fey-like. I also know that her mother, the original Sleeping Beauty, is dead.

There were also <b>a few things that just seemed really ridiculous.</b>

The <b>names are just not as creative</b> as Stacey Jay might be aiming them to be. Niklaas, Haanah, Ekeeta, and the name that almost made me bawl in laughter? Nippa. It's almost as though <b>in an effort to "foreignize" the names, Jay either "drawls" out a letter or it justs sounds like another word in the English language (sometimes, it's not even pleasant).</b> In that case, I'll be Sofeeyah.

<b>The entire concept of Aurora dressing up as her brother without anyone being aware was also a bit suspicious.</b> Aurora slips up A LOT in front of Niklaas throughout the journey, and <b>I'm a bit peeved he doesn't even question it THE ENTIRE TIME.</b> If her brother were younger than fourteen and disguised Aurora slipped up a few times, then maybe it would have worked better. But Aurora's captured brother is <i>fourteen</i> – I doubt fourteen-year-old boys sound like high-pitched girls. As much as I applaud Aurora for having the guts to venture out in the world on her own to take down an ogre queen, <b>I just don't buy her manliness.</b>

In all honesty, though, <b>Aurora as a Jor was a lot better than Aurora as a girl</b> – she's desperate as Niklaas gets closer to his eighteenth birthday. It's quite literally, "Dude, come on! Marry me already!" And Niklaas is all mopey. "All is lost. No princess loves me, so dear God and all that is Holy, END THIS AND TURN ME INTO A SWAN ALREADY SO I CAN SWAN THE REST OF MY LIFE AWAY WITH MY SWANNING BROS."

Aurora's approaching meeting with the ogre queen seemed <b>really weird, abrupt, and cheesy</b> – I felt like I just wrote a story in sixth grade where the bad guy goes all, "Oh, I'm so sorry! Let me just accept my punishment and go to flaming Hell." while being completely solemn. And obviously, the story becomes all happily ever after.

The entire explanation makes sense, but <b>the execution just seemed weird and quick</b> and somewhere in the process, the author realized, "Oh, wait. This is going on 400 hundred pages. I better wrap this up and wrap it up quickly, or I'll end up boring the crap out of my readers if I throw in deception and go on 600 or more pages!"

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of the author. I'm quite literally saying I felt as though I was in sixth grade, writing a story with an actual limited number of pages and I <i>had</i> to wrap it up, so I did it abruptly. That was actually a true story. I did get a decent grade, so I must have done something right, right?

Also, at the time of writing this review, I was feeling more sarcastic than usual (though Lupe and Rundus would probably say I'm sarcastic 24/7). <b><i>Princess of Thorns</i> had a decent idea, but there were quite a bit of bumps and mucho ridiculousness throughout that made the story fall rather than burst out feathers and fly (see what I did there?).</b>

<a href="https://bookwyrmingthoughts.com/review-princess-of-thorns-by-stacey-jay/"; target="_blank">This review was originally posted on Bookwyrming Thoughts</a>
  
C&
Coral & Bone
2
2.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Coral & Bone was a waste of my time. An absolute waste, because I could have spent 2 days reading other books that are so much more amazing (and obviously, worth my attention).

When reading the synopsis and first starting out the book, I thought Coral & Bone would be promising – Sirens! Mermaids are the bad guys! How cool is that!

Problem? Early on in the book, I could already tell – like I can with most books – this would not go very well. The writing feels a bit choppy.
<blockquote>She was going through bookstore withdrawals and losing her sanity at the same time. She would have to try and persuade her mom to take her to Portland— soon. If she could just nestle between the aisles of books, get lost for few hours, she might be able to harness some of these crazy new feelings she had been experiencing.</blockquote>
Think of a river, or any type of water source. If the water is choppy, it doesn't really bear a good sign. But if the water flows, it's pretty calm. It's precisely how I felt with Duane's writing. It just didn't seem to go really well and I felt as though I were reading a sample from a grammar book. "Sophia did this. Sophia did that. Sophia flipped. Sophia pouted. Sophia expressed her dislike."
<img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O2UQC1S43r4/VCDMO-p0xiI/AAAAAAAAD3I/_ZPjiz-LnPs/s1600/Throw%2BOut%2Ba%2BWindow.gif"; border="0">
BORING. Thing is, I'm not exactly one to give up on a book when it's just 4%. In fact, I personally thought I was a bit drained out... especially from Puritan readings (it's quite the brain exercise if you ask me). Except... it gets worse.

It's CONFUSING. If there's one thing I really dislike, it's people not giving me clarification. Please. If a math teacher doesn't teach you clearly how to do a problem, how do you pass a math class with a passable grade? But goody gumdrops, does Duane confuse me.
<blockquote>She discovered, through meditation, that she was able to speak to her mom. “Are you still there? Mom?”</blockquote>
If her mom's throat got slit and she's dead, how is Tage able to speak to her mom, even if it's through meditation? Is her mom a ghost? Is Tage just thinking about what her mother would say if she were still alive?
<blockquote>"They took the bait."</blockquote>
What bait? You would think that as Tage and Daspar are working together toward a common goal, Daspar would reveal what the bait would be. He doesn't. What the heck?
<blockquote>"After he consumed Pura’s soul he was different."</blockquote>
Eh? Whoa whoa whoa. When did we enter sucking your soul out zone? How does one do that exactly, and why did Daspar do it? Protection? Did Pura sacrifice herself?
<blockquote>“Remember I told you the Elosians didn’t like sirens?”</blockquote>
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If Etlis is for shifters and humans stay on Earth, yet Elosians don't like Sirens, where do Sirens live? Are they immigrants? Migrants? The world building has a good start, but it's too confusing to be a fully developed world.
<blockquote>"When Natalie died…”
    “Went missing,” Pepper chimed in.
    “Died,” Catch said.
    Halen looked to Dax. “Is she dead or alive?”
    “We don’t know for sure. We haven’t found her body, but that doesn’t mean the hunters didn’t destroy it.”</blockquote>
Goodness, even the characters are confused. "Where's Natalie? Where's Natalie? Where's Natalie?" "Oh, let's just throw Halen in and see how she does and go from there because we're not sure if Natalie's alive or not!" What happens if Natalie really is alive? Ping, pong, let's have a sister fight!
<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rFkaK8GKFOE/VCDMTJnhFsI/AAAAAAAAD3Q/1Xq3NVQhCXM/s1600/i%2Bcan't.gif"; border="0" height="179" width="320">
And speaking of Halen, our main character, I have quite the complaint about her as a character.

For fun, I pretty much thought her name was Haden. Funny, because I actually read The Shadow Prince and what do you know? Haden's the main character (well, one of them).

It's probably even a coincidence they have similar personalities and are all mopey. "I can't do this! I give up! Blah blah blah!" It's all acceptable for the first book... usually. It becomes quite the problem if the character cries wolf quite loudly. Ahem... their bark is apparently bigger than their bite.

But here's one positive aspect: Halen isn't a quitter. Despite the fact she's completely frustrated all the time, she continues.

Unfortunately, it was pretty much the only thing about Coral & Bone I liked. When that happens, especially at around 60%, it pretty much means all hope is lost and I should move on.

With all that said, you don't really want to waste your time with Coral & Bone unless you're looking for a book that confuses you. Perhaps with major tweaks, Duane's latest work would certainly be one you wouldn't want to simply pass by. But no, that's not the case.
-----------------
Review copy provided by the author originally for the blog tour
Original Rating: 1.5 out of 5
Original review posted at <a href="http://bookwyrming-thoughts.blogspot.com/2014/10/dnf-review-coral-and-bone-by-tiffany-duane.html">Bookwyrming Thoughts</a>
  
40x40

Bob Mann (459 KP) rated 1917 (2020) in Movies

Jan 12, 2020  
1917 (2020)
1917 (2020)
2020 | Drama, War
Cinematography (1 more)
Visceral and enormously tense movie experience
Visceral, brilliant and a far from relaxing evening at the movies.
It's already won Best Film at the Golden Globes, and seems set for Oscar glory too. Is Sam Mendes's WW1 epic any good?

"The Man is the Mission" - The similarities with the storyline of Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan" are evident. Lance Corporal Blake (Dean-Charles Chapman) has a brother serving in another battalion of 1,600 men under the command of Colonel Mackenzie (Benedict Cumberbatch). The problem is that they are walking into a trap and are about to be slaughtered when they go over the top at dawn. General Erinmore (Colin Firth) picks Blake and his mate Lance Corporal Will Schofield (George MacKay) to run a dangerous mission to cross no-mans land, break through the German lines and get the message to Mackenzie to call the attack off.

Famously, the movie uses the "Rope" / "Birdman" technique of appearing to film the action as a single continuous take. This adds enormously to the tension as the duo proceed into danger. Aside from a chance meeting with a French foster mother (Claire Duburcq), the tension is maintained at 110% for the film's duration. Which makes for an exhausting watch! Congratulations by the way to Ms Duburcq for bagging the one female role in the whole movie! This is the anti-dote to the female-heavy movies of 2019!

This is a movie you MUST go to see in the cinema. A star of the show is Roger Deakins' cinematography which is just glorious to look at. The hell-holes (literally) of no-mans land are one thing, but then we get the sweeping landscapes of the green french countryside (actually Wiltshire, just a few miles from where I live!). But the really jaw-dropping cinematography for me came in a flare-lit ruined French town. The effect of a raging fire in the distance and the constantly shifting shadows of the ruins is truly spectacular.

All of this is helped by a great score by Thomas Newman, particularly at this moment in the film. The music suits the action perfectly, which is all you can ask for from a score.

I first noticed George MacKay in one of the lead roles in the Proclaimers musical "Sunshine on Leith" and then again in "Pride": both relatively low-key British films. Here he is catapulted onto the global blockbuster stage, and has nowhere to hide being on-screen literally for the whole running time (and he is running!). He doesn't disappoint: the performance is a stellar one and he holds the drama together.

He's got good support though: small but important supporting roles come from not only Firth and Cumberbatch but also Daniel ("Line of Duty") Mays; Andrew ("Kneel!") Scott; Adrian ("Killing Eve") Scarborough and Richard Madden. But my favourite was a quietly strong (no pun intended) from Mark Strong as a friendly captain with good advice for our hero.

Is the single-shot idea a gimmick? Perhaps. But it is extremely effective at maintaining the momentum. Perhaps to a degree it is a bit of a distraction, since I was constantly looking for the cuts (and very clever they are too). But it is undeniably a marvelous piece of film-making. The choreography involved with getting all of those actors and extras moving in unison for the length of some of those takes would make even Busby Berkeley sweat!

There are also some truly extraordinary action shots: a barn scene (and its dramatic aftermath) is one of the most incredible bits of film-making I've seen not just this year (that's not saying much!) but also last year.

The movie is not for the faint-hearted, with some truly gruesome scenes that stick in the mind afterwards. The illustrious Mrs Movie Man spent most of the movie with her hands over her eyes! But in general, this feels authentic. My own grandfather spent 3 days and nights lying wounded in the French mud, before being rescued... by the Germans. War is hell, and the film reflects that.

Director Sam Mendes - also a Golden Globe winner - only goes a bit Hollywood at one point: a musical interlude where an exhausted Schofield creeps into camp (what? no guards?) and listens to a wistful acappella. The realism felt like it went from 10/10 to 7/10.

This is a top-class piece of movie-making and deserves all its award success. I went in with a bit of an "Oscar-bait" attitude; the one-take gimmick peaking my interest but also stoking my cynicism. Was this to be just a technically fabulous movie that would win the awards but not really entertain? But my cynicism was unfounded. It's a gripping watch and a truly memorable movie.

See it. See it at the cinema. And see it at a cinema with as big a screen and with as great a sound system as possible!

(For the full graphical review, please check out the review on One Mann's Movies at https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/01/12/one-manns-movies-film-review-1917-2019/ )
  
Ready or Not (2019)
Ready or Not (2019)
2019 | Comedy, Horror, Mystery
I’ve always loved playing games, board games, role playing games, computer games…whatever. I remember as a kid most of the games we played were played outside, whether it was a game of capture the flag, tag, or the always entertaining game of Hide and Seek. All the games I have ever played have been played in fun, with no real stakes involved outside of maybe some pride or some friendly competition. What if there was more at stake than simply having to sit out the game for the rest of the time? What if hiding and surviving until dawn was the only way you were going to live to see the next day? I don’t know about you, but I’d make sure it was the best game of Hide and Seek I’d ever played, or it would end up being my last. Ready or Not, a dark comedy from Fox Searchlight (now Walt Disney Studios) and directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, explores what happens when a ruthless business man sells his soul to the devil for the sake of a board game empire.

Early on we are introduced to Grace. She spent her childhood bouncing from foster home to foster home, wanting a family but just never quite getting one. When she finally finds the man of her dreams Alex (Mark O’Brien) who also is one of the heirs to a giant gaming empire, she believes that all her longing for a family, even one as messed up as his, is finally paying off. Not long after the wedding it is revealed that part of the tradition to joining the family is to play a game. Alex reassures her that the game could be something as simple as checkers or possibly as complex as chess. He doesn’t know as it’s up to a special box, imbued with mystical powers that selects the game that she will be forced to play.

Upon placing the card in the box, and withdrawing it, three little words are inscribed upon it…Hide and Seek. Thinking this is simply a game, and with no further instructions, the family puts on the Hide and Seek record and begin counting to 100. Once the count is up, weapons are handed out to the “seekers” and the game begins.

Not long after finding her hiding spot, Grace quickly becomes bored of playing and comes out admitting defeat. It is only after a series of unfortunate events resulting in the deaths of some of the key players does Grace finally understand that this family plays for keeps. With the help of an unlikely ally from Alex’s brother Daniel (Adam Brody), she not only is given an opportunity to survive the night, but also learns of the pact with the devil that was made which allowed the family to acquire its great fortune. Unless they can satisfy the curse, the entire family will not live to see the sunrise.

Ready or Not takes an outstanding cast and provides them with an equally fantastic setting. Andie MacDowell portrays the creepy mother-in-law Becky, along with her equally creepy and even more unhinged husband Tony (Henry Czerny). Each character plays out their roles in the most over-the-top performances imaginable, an they pull them off more believably then I think they even had intended. Whether its Kristian Bunn as the bumbling Fitch, who is forced to YouTube how to use a crossbow and googles whether pacts with the devil are real or BS…or Elyse Levesque as the stoic Charity, who has absolutely no problem killing someone, if it means she gets to maintain her lavish lifestyle. The cast is truly what pulls the movie off, with their ability to take the absurdity and make it almost feel normal.

Ready or Not does have the occasional jump scare and is literally coated in blood throughout, but it’s the dark comedy that really sets this movie apart from many that have come before it. I don’t know if it’s wrong to laugh at things that should be completely taboo as much as I did. Ready or Not tries to make you think it’s serious, even when you know it is intentionally not. While some of the dialog might fall a bit flat, you’d be hard pressed to notice between your bursts of laughter. You know a movie does something right, when you find yourself quoting it not only immediately after it finishes, but into the next day (and at this rate probably beyond).

Ready or Not is a fun film, that’s the best way to describe it. It’s gruesome and of course violent, but it doesn’t take itself seriously and asks the same of the audience. There have been other movies who have taken this genre too seriously in the past, and lead to mixed results. Ready or Not wants you to laugh at its absurdity and take glee in the events that take place. Based on the individual characters, it’s amazing that the family has survived as long as it has…must be because that card doesn’t come up very often. If you are looking for a fun film, one that you want to laugh at (and with) you could certainly do worse than Ready or Not. It is one of the best dark comedies to come out in years, and it makes me long for the days when movies were still unique and weren’t simply attempting to reboot everything.
  
Angel Thieves
Angel Thieves
Kathi Appelt | 2019 | Fiction & Poetry, History & Politics, Young Adult (YA)
10
10.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
I really enjoyed Kathi Appelt's writing style in her children's picture book Max Attacks, so when the chance to read and review her Young Adult novel Angel Thieves presented itself, I decided to give it a read. I'm really glad I did because I fell head over heels in love with this book!

I very much enjoyed the plot of Angel Thieves and found myself immersed in the story from the very first page. It is told from different perspectives including humans, an ocelot, and a bayou which definitely made this book even more interesting! The narrative is told from 1845 through to present time. It all takes place in Houston, Texas. Every perspective is interwoven with each other. We learn about a teenage crush, a father and son duo who steal marble angel statues to make a living, an ocelot who was poached from her home and caught in a hurricane where she's left starving and unable to escape from her cage, a former slave who is trying to help her young daughters escape from being slaves themselves, a bayou who has seen it all, and some other points of view from others throughout Angel Thieves. I was constantly memorized by each chapter, and I was on pins and needles wondering what would happen next. It also helps that the author, Kathi Appelt, is such a fabulous writer who makes all her words come to life with her extraordinary talent! There weren't any major plot twists, but this isn't a book that needs to rely on plot twists to keep it interesting. The writing itself is strong enough to hold its own. There are no cliff hangers, but I would have liked to know a little more about Achsah and her children. There is some mention of them at the end, but I was heavily invested in Achsah's story where I really wanted to know more. However, this doesn't take away from the appeal of the book by no means. Because the prose is so beautifully written, the pacing flows very well. The chapters are mostly all short as well, so it's easy to read this book in one sitting. The world building was done fantastically, and it was obvious that Kathi Appelt had done her research when it came to the plot of her story. In fact, I even learned something when it came to Texas history! I'm also grateful that Kathi Appelt included an author's note at the end of Angel Thieves. It's definitely worth reading even if you don't normally read author's notes. This will give you more of an insight about the real life history that her book is based upon.

I felt like the characters in Angel Thieves were well written and fleshed out perfectly. Kathi Appelt even made a bayou feel like a real person which goes to show how much of a talented writer she really is! I felt Soleil's frustrations with trying to get Cade's attention and her hurt when it came to losing someone close to her. I felt her joy when she was happy. Cade was a great character too. I loved his relationship with his dad. It was obvious how close the two were. It was interesting to see Cade's conflicting emotions when it came to stealing marble angels. One one hand, he wanted to make his dad happy, but he also knew that what they were doing wasn't right. I enjoyed reading about how he dealt with his feelings about that. Zorra, I absolutely loved. My heart went out to this lovely little ocelot who was helpless and taken from everything she'd ever known. I was always hoping she'd be rescued when her next chapter was up. Out of all the characters, my favorite to read about was Achsah. As a mother, I could relate to wanting to keep her children safe no matter what. As a former slave, she had her freedom when her master died, but her daughters were to become slaves to her master's friend. Achsah couldn't and wouldn't let this happen, so she risked everything to keep her girls safe. I felt like Achsah had the most interesting story to tell. I was constantly wishing good things for Achsah and her two little girls. Unfortunately, Achsah's story is based in truth on what happened with a lot of slaves during that horrible period in American history.

Trigger warnings for Angel Thieves include slavery, minor profanity, stealing, a mention of child rape (although not graphic), and some violence (nothing too graphic).

All in all, Angel Thieves is highly interesting read that is also partly educational. It definitely taught me things about Texas that I didn't even know, and I grew up in Texas! Angel Thieves also has such strong characters, and Kathi Appelt's love for this story is apparent on each page. I would definitely recommend Angel Thieves by Kathi Appelt to those aged 14 and older who love getting lost in a good book. This is one book that's very easy to get lost in! An easy 5 out of 5 stars for Angel Thieves!
--
(A special thank you to Kathi Appelt for providing me with a hardback of Angel Thieves in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.)
  
Mortal Engines (2018)
Mortal Engines (2018)
2018 | Fantasy, Sci-Fi
At last, the hilarious Brexit comedy we’ve all been waiting for.
As comedy goes it’s classic gold! London has been transferred, presumably via a futuristic big-arsed forklift truck of some kind, onto a huge chassis and is now chugging its way across mainland Europe. Needing fuel, it has the capability to gobble-up other roving towns and cities (take that Barnier!) which London ‘digests’ (smoke that Tusk!). Curiously, the captured cities’ inhabitants are not exterminated but integrated into the City’s population: so much for any anti-immigration policy! (LOL).

But all doesn’t go entirely smoothly for the UK capital. The Lord Mayor of London (Patrick Malahide) declares “We should never have gone into Europe. It’s the biggest mistake we ever made”. (Classic: how we SNORTED with laughter!)


Cities on wheels. London in hot pursuit of a Bavarian mining town. (Some things you just write, and then have to do a double take!). (Source: Universal Pictures International).
Stuffing it squarely to the ‘remainers’, London makes its own future. “It’s time to show the world how strong London can be”. Having conquered most of Europe, it’s time to set its sights on new markets to conquer: so London takes the Chinese on! (Now the tears of laughter are flowing freely!) Trade deals have never been more entertaining since “Star Wars: The Phantom Menace”!

Well, perhaps not
OK, so in the interests of ‘advertising standards’, I’d better make clear before you rush out to the cinema expecting a comedy feature that my tongue is firmly in my cheek here. For “Mortal Engines” is the latest sci-fi feature from Peter Jackson. But when viewed from a Brexit perspective, it’s friggin’ hilarious!

In terms of plot, this (like “Waterworld”) makes clever use of the Universal logo to set the agenda. The world has been decimated with a worldwide war – though clearly one that selectively destroyed bits of London and not others! – and the survivors must try to survive in any way they can. Settlements are divided between those that are ‘static’ and those (like London) that are mobile and constantly evolving: “Municipal Darwinism” as it is hysterically described. But London, or rather the power-crazed Londoner Thaddeus Valentine (Hugo Weaving), wants revolution rather than evolution and he is working on development of one of the super-weapons that started the world’s demise in the first place.

But Hester Shaw (Hera Hilmar), separated when young from her mother Pandora (yes, she has a box and we’ve seen it: wink, wink) is intent on stopping him, since she is on a personal path of vengence. Teaming up with Londoner Tom (Robert Sheehan) and activist Anna Fang (Jihae) they must face both Thaddeus and the ever-relentless Shrike (Stephen Lang) to try to derail the destructive plan.

“I’m not subtle”
So says Anna Fang, but then neither is this movie. The film is loud and action-filled and (as a significant plus) visually extremely impressive with it. I’m not a great fan of excessive CGI but here it is essential, and the special-effects team do a great job. The production design is tremendous – a lot of money has been thrown at this – and the costume design inventive, a high-spot (again snortworthy) being the Beefeater guards costumes!

Where the film really crashes, like a post-Brexit stock market, is with the dialogue. The screenplay by Jackson himself, with his regular writers Fran Walsh and Phillipa Boyens contains some absolute clunkers, notwithstanding the unintended LOL-worthy Brexit irony. It’s jaw-droppingly bad, believe me.

The turns
The only real “name” in the whole film is Jackson-favourite Hugo Weaving. Just about everyone else in the cast is pretty well unknown, and in many cases it shows. Standing head and shoulders though for me over the rest of the cast was Icelandic actress Hera Hilmar, who strikes a splendidly feisty pose as the mentally and physically scarred Hester. I look forward to seeing what she does next.

Plagerism: the movie
Story-wise, there’s not a sci-fi film that’s not been looted, and a number of other films seem to be plundered too. (I can’t comment on how much of this comes from the source book by Philip Reeve). The Londonmobile looks for all the world like Monty Python’s “Crimson Permanent Assurance Company”; the teenage female lead is Sarah Connors, relentlessly pursued by The Terminator; the male lead is archaologist cum hot-shot pilot Indiana Solo, leather jacket and all; there is a Blade Runner moment; a battle that is a meld of “The Great Wall” and Morannon from “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”; a less sophisticated aerial location from “The Empire Strikes Back”; and another classic Star Wars moment (without the words being actually said!).

A case of the Jackson Pollocks
Now I’m loathe to say anything bad about director Peter Jackson, after his breathtakingly memorable “They Shall Not Grown Old“. And the film has its moments of flair, most memorably a “life flashing before your eyes scene” that I found genuinely moving. But overall, as an actioner, it’s a bit of a mess.

It’s a long way from being the worse film I’ve seen this year by a long stroke – it kept me interested and amused in equal measure for the running time. But I think given it’s initially bombed at the Box Office, any plans Jackson had to deliver a series of these movies might need to be self-funded.
  
Breaking In (2018) (2018)
Breaking In (2018) (2018)
2018 | Thriller
1
6.0 (8 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Get In.
Into every life a little rain must fall. Some fairly pervasive advertising drove me into the cinema to see this one… often a sign that the distributors think it has legs. And from its quirky opening titles (with a COMPLETELY expected shock denouement!) I started to think it did have something. The beginning is in fact VERY similar to the introductory scene of “Get Out” in its randomness, and for one brief moment I wondered if the film was trying to parody that indie classic from last year… with only some studio lawyers getting in the way of them really calling it “Get In”. (“No, no, no… ‘Get’ is copyrighted… you’ll have to use some other word!”).

But no. It turns out that this is a pretty below-average B-movie after all,


The plot is pretty derivative of the “family in dire peril” variety made famous by the “Taken” series. Not being able to persuade Liam Neeson to wear a dress in this “Times Up” era, the Neeson-actioner writer Ryan Engle (“The Commuter“, “Non-Stop“) switches the action to focus on stressed mother Shaun Russell (Gabrielle Union).

Shaun has come to deepest Wisconsin with her two kids, Jasmine (Ajiona Alexus) and Glover (Seth Carr) to arrange the sale of her deceased father’s luxury home: a house absolutely brimming to the elegant rafters with security features. But unknown to them, there are already intruders in the house searching for something of value, and with Shaun locked outside the secure fortress home she will stop at nothing to break in and bring her children safely home.

The sad thing about this one is that the fairly unknown cast actually do a pretty good job. The chief villain Eddie, played by Billy Burke, channels an effectively ‘evil-quiet-Gary-Oldman” turn to good effect. His accomplices, the more sensitive Sam (Levi Meaden), luckless Peter (Mark Furze) and (particularly) the psychopathic Duncan (Richard Cabral) (can a psychopath really be called Duncan?) are broad caricatures, but never too broad to be totally awful.

Gabrielle Union kicks-ass effectively with her particular set of skills (see below), but particularly good is 22-year old Ajiona Alexus who has a great screen presence and deserves to be in much better films than this.

Where the film stumbles and goes crashing through its carbonite shutters is in the story and the screenplay’s dialogue.

The former is just bat-shit crazy, with so many ridiculous plot-holes and “yeah-but” moments that you lose count. For example, at one point the daughter is looking for her mobile phone WHICH IS IN THE ROOM and which would wrap the plot up in 10 minutes flat…. but then something else happens and they stop looking for it, never to be thought of again!

And what of those ‘particular set of skills’ that Shaun has? Oh, I forgot to say… she has none!! Or at least you assume not, since Shaun seems to have no back-story whatsoever, other than the fact that her daddy is very very rich and being investigated by the D/A. For what? Embezzlement? Tax evasion? Smartie-smuggling? Gun running? Perhaps he was a mafia overlord and Shaun was brought up with martial arts, gun and knife training to spy-school level? Perhaps none of the above, and she was just an obsessive watcher of Engle-scripted flicks? We will never know.

In addition, Shaun gets the proverbial crap kicked out of her on so many occasions, but there is no trip to casualty required. (Yes, I know Neeson and most other action heroes have the same implausible in-vulnerabilities, but it just seems so much less realistic when she is a not-particularly sporty or athletic woman).

And that dialogue… it’s just plain laughable in places. If Eddie doesn’t do his “Mamma hen will come back to save her chicks” speech once, he does it five times….

“Hey, James”… (James McTeigue, director, “V for Vendetta”)… says Burke, “Haven’t I said this line four times already”. “Sure”, says McTeigue, “I’m not sure where exactly I want to put it in the final cut yet, but only one of them will stay in. Don’t worry… I won’t make you look stupid to the cinema-going audience!!”

Every last thriller cliché is mined as the story grinds to an unmemorable and very flat conclusion.

Before wrapping up, I’d point out Another crime being committed in the music department. Australian composer Johnny Klimek’s action thriller score is actually quiet good, full of nice electronic riffs. But he really doesn’t know when to shut up. I remember an interview by John Williams on scoring the score to Hitchcock’s “Family Plot” where he recounted that Hitchcock taught him the value of a sudden absence of music at key moments. This film is too recent to learn the many lessons of “A Quiet Place“: but there are so many moments in this film where silence should have been golden. At one point the (what should be) heart-stopping sound effect of a creaking beam can barely be heard over Klimek’s pounding electronics.

So in summary, although it’s the award of ‘good acting attempt’ badges to sew onto the cast’s scout uniforms, my message to you dear reader re this one is “Get Out” of the cinema and enjoy the nice summer evenings instead!
  
Downsizing (2017)
Downsizing (2017)
2017 | Comedy, Drama, Sci-Fi
Tiny People, Big Mess.
From the trailer this film looked quirky, funny and interesting and has been on my “looking forward to” list for many months. Oh dear, what a let down.

Matt Damon (“The Martian“, “The Great Wall“, “Jason Bourne“) and Kristen Wiig (“mother!“, “Ghostbusters“) play Paul and Audrey Safranek. Paul is a laid-back and hardworking occupational therapist; Audrey has materialistic ambitions over and above their available finances. The two decide to “downsize” making use of a revolutionary Norwegian invention that reduces humans, and most other lifeforms, to a fraction of their normal size. This offers huge wealth to the normal American, since the cost of living in downsized form within the mini-estate called LeisureLand is tiny in comparison to “big folks”. But all does not go well in the transition (unlike the trailer, no spoilers here) and Paul needs to find a new purpose in life as bigger problems loom.

It’s clearly written to be a social satire, and there are some clever angles to be explored here: everyone publicly positions their downsizing based on ‘environmental issues’ and ‘saving the planet’, but most everyone’s real reason is the lifestyle benefits. Also lightly touched on, but never deeply explored, are the impacts that the downsizing initiative is having on the broader American economy and property markets, with the ‘big people’ questioning why small people should have the same rights and votes as them.

But the film never really gets into the meat of any of this. Worse than that, the movie never settles on what it is trying to be. I think we can write off “Sci-Fi” pretty early on. But is it a drama? A comedy? A love story? A socialist rant? An environmental cri de coeur? The film jumbles all these aspects together and treats each so halfheartedly that none of them get properly addressed.

Not only are the audience confused: none of the actors seem to be too sure why they’re there either. Damon – never Mr Personality – should have been able to develop some chemistry with the feisty and dynamic Ms Wiig, but even these early scenes plod along with you thinking “what a dull film”. Things perk up slightly at the LeisureLand sales fair, where Neil Patrick Harris (“Gone Girl“) and a naked Laura Dern (“Star Wars: The Last Jedi“) glibly try to sell a luxury doll’s house to the assembled crowd. American consumerism in miniature.

But post-downsizing the film crashes back to ‘Dullesville Arizona’ again, but with added depression, requiring Christophe Waltz (“Django Unchanined”, “Spectre“), as a dodgy Serbian entrepreneur Dusan Mirkovic, to over-act manically to try to add any sort of energy into the film (which he is only mildly successful at doing). There’s a rather bizarre supporting role from Udo Kier – looking for all the world like Terence Stamp – as Mirkovic’s ship-owning pal, and an almost cameo performance from Jason Sudeikis (“Colossal“).

Enter stage-left Thai-born Hong Chau as Ngoc Lan Tran, a Vietnamese cleaner. There’s a clever angle here: where “average American Joes” like Safranek can live like kings, but the poor still have to scrape by, living in ‘skyscraper Portacabins’, as the menial classes: there’s no escaping class structures, even when 5 inches tall. Chau sums up the uneven nature of the film, as she mostly plays her lines for laughs but then (in a spectacularly good bit of acting in the midst of, I have to say, some pretty poor hamming) bursts into uncontrollable tears.

Just when you think things are going to limp to a unmemorable close, the film ups and leaves LeisureLand to add a completely bizarre final act. (It’s pretty unusual in the UK for people to walk out of a cinema mid-film, but a couple did so at this point). This segment bears no relationship to the downsizing theme whatsoever, since all the players at this point could be full-sized. Aside from an amusing “50 shades of f**k” speech from Ngoc Lan Tran and a “massive explosion”, this story goes nowhere, says nothing (at least not to me) and merely irritates. Throw in a completely anti-climatic non-ending and I genuinely shared a “WTF look” with the stranger sat next to me!

This is all very strange, since this comes from Alexander Payne, who also directed and co-wrote “The Descendants”, one of the most impressive films of the decade. Jim Taylor co-writes (as he has co-written numerous other films with Payne).

I note that in this morning’s London Times that their film critic, Kevin Maher – someone who’s views I am generally pretty well aligned with – gave it 4 *’s out of 5. I can only assume that he either saw a completely different cut of the film, or he is a lot cleverer than I am and understood amazing sub-texts that completely passed me by! Maybe… but I have a sneaking suspicion that the general viewing public will more share my opinion on this than his.

I was tempted to give this just one star as it was such a disappointment to me, but the underlying concept is a good one: it is just one that has, in my humble opinion, been implemented in a bizarrely slipshod manner.
Definitely not recommended. Go and see “Coco” instead!
  
Okami HD
Okami HD
2017 | Action/Adventure
Okami is one of my personal favorite games. When it came out on the PS2 I played it often. When I saw that Okami HD was available for PS4, I got it immediately. I was thrilled to play one of my favorite games again. This was also a game I chose to stream on my Twitch channel. The things I loved about Okami were still here in the HD remastered version. The art style was as beautiful as ever and the music was great. The story and the characters that I remembered brought a smile to my face. Playing as the white wolf god Amaterasu with her little Poncle pal Issun was so much fun. Exploring everywhere is half the fun because each area is so different from the next.



Amaterasu exploring.

The story is very much about helping nature as Amaterasu is a god and referred to as the mother of all. The goal is to find her celestial brush techniques and use them on your adventure as needed. For example a technique called Bloom, has you putting the celestial brush on a dead tree and when you do it, there is a beautiful cutscene that shows the tree blooming with cherry blossoms. When you do it with the guardian trees, an even prettier cutscene happens that rids the land of the curse and everything blooms and there are cute animals too.



Using the celestial brush to use the bloom technique.


Since Amaterasu is a god, she needs praise in order to level up her skills and health. There are several ways to do this. One way is by feeding the animals throughout the lands. You can buy food for the animals from the merchants in the towns. When you feed the animals the food they like you earn praise. The biggest one of course is healing all the guardian trees and healing the trees throughout the different areas. You can also do all the side quests and help the people you meet and you earn praise from helping them. When you have enough praise for various things such as increasing your ink pots or your health, you can upgrade them with all the praise you have earned.

There are also digging mini games where Amaterasu uses her digging abilities and celestial brush skills to help people find things. The digging mini game can be a little frustrating because it does not give you a lot of time and you have to look for blossoms with timer orbs and use bloom on them to add extra time. When you use your brush skills, the timer is still counting down so you have to be as fast as you can. If you run out of time, you have to start over again. This is why it can be a little frustrating, but the game is still fun.



The digging mini game in action. Be fast!


There are all kinds of demons to fight and you earn experience points, yen, and extra ink when you beat them. For the story there are several boss demons you need to fight. There are different strategies for each boss and you need to use your celestial brush skills in order to defeat them. This is where the art style of Okami really shines as no two bosses are alike and using the skills is a creative way to handle them. However, I did have a huge issue with the final boss fight. It was over the top and ridiculous. While I understand that it was meant to be a challenge, this fight had everything but the kitchen sink. There were at least five different things I had to avoid, dodge, or not get crushed under. This also caused frustration with my streaming because from the beginning Okami had been very stream friendly and everyone was enjoying it. When I got to the final boss however, it blocked the scenes. If it was just the cutscenes I could understand that, but it blocked the entire final boss fight and the closing credits. I get that they want to avoid spoilers too, but at this point if a person is watching the streaming and people have been watching since the beginning, there is no point in blocking the final scenes. I know I am fairly new to streaming and currently I am streaming from my PS4 until I get the equipment I need, but this was definitely incredibly infuriating. I did finish the game, but I felt I had to apologize to my viewers for this happening and I did. Luckily, they were all very supportive and understanding about the whole thing.



One of the boss battles in Okami.

In spite of that frustration I did enjoy the game. Okami is still a game that is dear to my heart because of the story, the art style, the characters, and wonderful music. It is fun to play and overall I did enjoy streaming it because I got to share a game I loved with everyone. It is a game that celebrates friendship, love, and doing your best to be kind and help others which is something I talk about often. A game that is not only fun to play, but offers such a wonderful story with those ideals is a pretty fantastic thing. After the game is done, you can play a new game plus with all the items and upgrades you have earned. You can also get any side quests you missed. Okami was so much fun to play again and I'm happy that we got to go on that adventure together. Thanks for reading, everyone. See you at the next adventure!
  
The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein
The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein
Kiersten White | 2018 | Thriller, Young Adult (YA)
8
7.8 (4 Ratings)
Book Rating
Great characters (0 more)
Inconsistency in some parts (0 more)
Contains spoilers, click to show
The most amazing thing about classic horror stories is how they still influence many writers today.

To read 'the Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein,' you don't have to know anything about Mary Shelley's original creation. No, this book seems to take the story of Dr. Frankenstein in a completely different direction than what was known 200 years ago. I, personally, haven't read Shelley's book, but after reading this one, I certainly want to now. Victor Frankenstein is the most interesting character I have read about in a long time.

'The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein' takes us to Victor's childhood, where we observe him becoming the insane doctor that he was in 'Frankenstein' - but this one doesn't pass Victor's 21st birthday, and his creation of a 'creature' is much earlier than in Shelley's version. This book was still very enjoyable,even if it doesn't line up with the classic. But instead of following Victor's descent into darkness, we follow Elizabeth's ascension from darkness through her need to be taken care of for the remainder of her life - 'And if Victor did not seem to respond to my sweetness,I would simply cry. He never could stand it when I cried. It would hurt him. I smiled in anticipation, letting the meanness at my core stretch like ill-used muscles' Another interesting part of this book is seeing how well the author, White, creates a sociopathic lead female character, who has tailored herself to wearing the right faces and acting a certain way to get what she wants.

We enter the book with Elizabeth and her good friend, Justine, on a trip to find Victor, who has stopped writing from school some months before - Victor's mother had died before he left, and now Elizabeth was questioning whether or not his father was going to keep her around. We get flash backs here and there of Elizabeth and Victor as children together. The reader is shown that Elizabeth is the only person who can calm Victor during his 'rages,' and she seems to be the only person he allowed inside his world. We're led to believe that Elizabeth truly cares for Victor,but quickly we are told that she only cares if she has a roof over her head or not. Eventually, Elizabeth finds Victor, but he is in the midst of a fever - an ailment he falls under quite often whenever his studies would keep him from eating, drinking and sleeping - he whispers in a fever state 'Do not tell Elizabeth.' and 'It worked.' The horror quickly takes place when Elizabeth explores his surroundings to find a makeshift lab with body parts,both human and animal.

The book spends a lot of time with Elizabeth waiting on Victor, usually for him to return home to the Frankenstein estate. Although White does an amazing job of bringing back words and writing that was of 200 years ago, sometimes it seems she's too busy concentrating on that rather than paying attention to consistency. The story had me glued to the book from part one, but what really kept me going was the character, Victor. If this entire story had been from his point of view, I would have put this book at the top of my favorite books list. This also should have been titled 'the Dark Descent of Victor Frankenstein,' because it's Victor who seems to slowly descend into madness, not Elizabeth, she seems to know what he is going to become, but because she is so occupied with keeping her place at the Frankenstein household, she does nothing to stop it.

Victor, by today's standards, is a murderer in the making:

"The deer stopped keening. It did not die as Victor tugged the knife through the skin over its stomach. I had imagined it parting like the crust of a loaf of bread,but it was tough, resistant. The sound of tearing made me sick. I turned away as Victor strained to make progress with blood coating his hands and making the knife slippery."

Elizabeth takes great measures to keep Victor out of trouble,even when he nearly severs the arm of his little brother out of curiosity. She focuses on keeping the little brother alive, then placing blame on the nursemaid by planting a pair of scissors from her sewing supplies. Elizabeth was not only a good liar, but she was also an antagonist. When Victor seems to not be able to cope with what he did to his little brother, she quickly tells him what they will say to his father: " ' We know what happened. It was the nursemaid's fault for leaving out her sewing supplies. She is stupid and lazy and still sleeping. She will be punished and relieved of her duties. Ernest will be fine.' I paused to be sure Victor understood that this was our story,no matter what. 'And we are fortunate that she is stupid and lazy and convenient, and nothing like this will happen again. Will it?' " She may have very well been the reason Victor did the things he did.

Victor, of course, ends up making a monster, but White didn't try to retell the Shelley novel, instead she tried to give it a different spin from a different perspective. As a storyteller, White did an impressive job with wording and flashbacks. For die-hard fans of Shelley's 'Frankenstein,' I wouldn't recommend ' the Dark Decent of Elizabeth Frankenstein' unless you are willing to read it with an open mind. I only wish there had been more scenes with Victor - an unforgettable character.