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Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated Ninja Assassin (2009) in Movies
Dec 2, 2019
Bland Characters Equals Meh Movie
A former member of a sect of secret ninjas escapes the clan, but has to fight for his life when the past catches up to him.
Acting: 4
I have seen paper bags act better than Rain the actor who plays main character Raizo. I think the screenwriters knew this and tried to mask his lack of chops with less lines, but it definitely didn’t work. He is as bland as the chicken I feed my dog when he has diarrhea. The rest of the crew isn’t terribly better and aren’t worth much of a mention.
Beginning: 10
The movie actually gets off to a great start. It starts off in a gangster hideout and an old man is giving one of the gangsters a tattoo. A letter shows up with black sand in it. Black sand is basically the kiss of death for these ninjas so it’s not too long after that bedlam ensues. Dope scene, got me excited to watch more.
Characters: 2
Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Conflict: 10
The action was also a plus. The beginning is definitely an indicator of things to come. You want crazy martial fighting? Check. Blood and gore? Blamo! Insane slowmo sequences? Coming right up. This is basically an action junkie’s wet dream. Actually, I think I’m giving it too much credit…
Entertainment Value: 7
Memorability: 7
Pace: 7
While I appreciate certain things like at least making an attempt at a backstory, there were other portions that slowed the movie down in a couple of spots. Like seriously, how much training do we need to see this dude do? A few rounds on the good ole speed bag will suffice for me, thanks. Nope, this dude is doing splits, using ninja swords, fighting air. I also thought they spent a bit too much time on the main detective Mika (Naomie Harris) researching the ninjas. Pretty painful, but mostly fine.
Plot: 8
I didn’t hate the story. As I mentioned above, it was cool that you got a look into Raizo’s earlier life in the ninja clan and what got him to where he was. Crappy character, but I appreciated the effort to develop him. While the story got sidetracked here and there, it got you from Point A to Point B fairly smoothly.
Resolution: 6
Overall: 69
What disappoints me most about Ninja Assassin is the sheer amount of potential it had. Because it didn’t invest in quality actors or working in characters we care about, there is little margin for error in the rest of the movie. It wants to be likable, yet it didn’t put in the work to earn your friendship. I do not recommend.
Acting: 4
I have seen paper bags act better than Rain the actor who plays main character Raizo. I think the screenwriters knew this and tried to mask his lack of chops with less lines, but it definitely didn’t work. He is as bland as the chicken I feed my dog when he has diarrhea. The rest of the crew isn’t terribly better and aren’t worth much of a mention.
Beginning: 10
The movie actually gets off to a great start. It starts off in a gangster hideout and an old man is giving one of the gangsters a tattoo. A letter shows up with black sand in it. Black sand is basically the kiss of death for these ninjas so it’s not too long after that bedlam ensues. Dope scene, got me excited to watch more.
Characters: 2
Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Conflict: 10
The action was also a plus. The beginning is definitely an indicator of things to come. You want crazy martial fighting? Check. Blood and gore? Blamo! Insane slowmo sequences? Coming right up. This is basically an action junkie’s wet dream. Actually, I think I’m giving it too much credit…
Entertainment Value: 7
Memorability: 7
Pace: 7
While I appreciate certain things like at least making an attempt at a backstory, there were other portions that slowed the movie down in a couple of spots. Like seriously, how much training do we need to see this dude do? A few rounds on the good ole speed bag will suffice for me, thanks. Nope, this dude is doing splits, using ninja swords, fighting air. I also thought they spent a bit too much time on the main detective Mika (Naomie Harris) researching the ninjas. Pretty painful, but mostly fine.
Plot: 8
I didn’t hate the story. As I mentioned above, it was cool that you got a look into Raizo’s earlier life in the ninja clan and what got him to where he was. Crappy character, but I appreciated the effort to develop him. While the story got sidetracked here and there, it got you from Point A to Point B fairly smoothly.
Resolution: 6
Overall: 69
What disappoints me most about Ninja Assassin is the sheer amount of potential it had. Because it didn’t invest in quality actors or working in characters we care about, there is little margin for error in the rest of the movie. It wants to be likable, yet it didn’t put in the work to earn your friendship. I do not recommend.
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Ross (3284 KP) rated Doors: Colony in Books
Mar 26, 2021
A slight improvement over the other book
This is another in Heitz's Doors series, three books telling the same underlying story up to a point, with a different story taking off depending on which of the mysterious doors the characters go through. In this book, the group of people employed to find and rescue rich Van Dam's daughter go through the door marked with a question mark. They find themselves in the cellar of a German bierhall in an alternative history of WWII. The war is over, the Germans having capitulated after Hitler's assassination and there is now a struggle between the Russians and the UK/USA over control of what remains.
The group find themselves slimmed down very quickly as members of the group drop like flies. Soon a small number of them find themselves in the company of some Russian spies, looking to stop the Americans' attempts to take power. For some reason, phony clairvoyant Coco Fendi now has actual powers and is capable of mind-reading, earning the respect and assistance of these spies.
There then follows a fairly enjoyable attempt to catch up with a train and board it to stop a nuclear war from breaking out.
The translation again is quite poor here, as some phrases do not make sense and make the reader work to understand what is meant. I am giving Heitz the benefit of the doubt and laying blame at the door of the translator here (though looking at some of the reviews on goodreads in German I'm not sure this is fair). However, there are some very odd passages that take the reader right out of the book, for example 'the time had come to test the 4x4's four-litre twin turbo engine promising 650 horsepower and a top speed of 190 miles an hour'. I mean, what the hell? Has Clarkson been asked to translate this book? It was completely irrelevant and odd.
In the 'Twilight' book of the series, there were some hints at other users of the doors and their purpose and provenance. This book builds on that to an extent, which is a clever idea from Heitz - in order to answer the questions, I think you need to read all three books. However, as a book in its own right, there are simply too many unanswered questions left (though slightly fewer than in 'Twilight').
An improvement, with a more coherent story once through the door in question, but still not a great read. As the first c25% is duplicated between books, I merrily skipped through this section looking for the distinct part starting off.
I received a free advance copy from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
The group find themselves slimmed down very quickly as members of the group drop like flies. Soon a small number of them find themselves in the company of some Russian spies, looking to stop the Americans' attempts to take power. For some reason, phony clairvoyant Coco Fendi now has actual powers and is capable of mind-reading, earning the respect and assistance of these spies.
There then follows a fairly enjoyable attempt to catch up with a train and board it to stop a nuclear war from breaking out.
The translation again is quite poor here, as some phrases do not make sense and make the reader work to understand what is meant. I am giving Heitz the benefit of the doubt and laying blame at the door of the translator here (though looking at some of the reviews on goodreads in German I'm not sure this is fair). However, there are some very odd passages that take the reader right out of the book, for example 'the time had come to test the 4x4's four-litre twin turbo engine promising 650 horsepower and a top speed of 190 miles an hour'. I mean, what the hell? Has Clarkson been asked to translate this book? It was completely irrelevant and odd.
In the 'Twilight' book of the series, there were some hints at other users of the doors and their purpose and provenance. This book builds on that to an extent, which is a clever idea from Heitz - in order to answer the questions, I think you need to read all three books. However, as a book in its own right, there are simply too many unanswered questions left (though slightly fewer than in 'Twilight').
An improvement, with a more coherent story once through the door in question, but still not a great read. As the first c25% is duplicated between books, I merrily skipped through this section looking for the distinct part starting off.
I received a free advance copy from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated the PC version of Crysis Remastered in Video Games
Oct 8, 2020
Back in 2007 EA released Crysis which touted a new gaming engine and state of the art technology. The game inspired sequels but many people found the game ran clunky on their PCs as the new engine had some pretty hefty technology requirements.
In the age of remasters gamers now can experience the game with remastered graphics which brings the graphics in the game to a more modern level.
Players play a member of an elite unit who wear specialized Nano Suits during high-risk missions. The suits can make the wearer invisible, move faster, and armor up to absorb energy. The biggest issue is that those abilities do take a considerable amount of power and can only be used for brief increments so players will have to use them strategically.
When a mission goes wrong players must attempt to battle hordes of North Korean troops and other threats to achieve various goals and mission objectives.
Players will be able to utilize an arsenal of weapons ranging from pistols, shotguns, machine guns, grenades, and their fists and must make sure to use ammunition wisely as the supply is not infinite and players will have to recover weapons from enemies when they deplete their ammunition or resort to using their fists until they can find resupply options.
While the game does look more modern, the gameplay is still jerky especially in combat. Compared to modern shooters the smoothness and speed factor is lacking and it at times has a herky-jerky gameplay to it. Being able to cleanly shoot an enemy is erratic as some are real bullet sponges while others in the same class go down fairly easily.
The game also uses a checkpoint save system so failing to complete an objective will have players trying a scenario repeatedly until they are successful.
Players will also be able to utilize vehicles that they find which can help when they need to make a fast escape from a location or if they opt to make a direct assault.
The sound and graphics of the game are solid but the gameplay was decidedly retro and had many of the issues that bothered me with the original release. I had hoped for a total redo but in many ways it was like slapping a new coat of paint on an old car and expecting top of the line performance.
Crysis: Remastered is a nice trip down memory lane but pails when compared to more modern games in terms of enjoyment as I think a new game in the series would have been better. Perhaps this is a way to test what the current demand for the franchise is. For now the game is a nice piece of updated nostalgia.
In the age of remasters gamers now can experience the game with remastered graphics which brings the graphics in the game to a more modern level.
Players play a member of an elite unit who wear specialized Nano Suits during high-risk missions. The suits can make the wearer invisible, move faster, and armor up to absorb energy. The biggest issue is that those abilities do take a considerable amount of power and can only be used for brief increments so players will have to use them strategically.
When a mission goes wrong players must attempt to battle hordes of North Korean troops and other threats to achieve various goals and mission objectives.
Players will be able to utilize an arsenal of weapons ranging from pistols, shotguns, machine guns, grenades, and their fists and must make sure to use ammunition wisely as the supply is not infinite and players will have to recover weapons from enemies when they deplete their ammunition or resort to using their fists until they can find resupply options.
While the game does look more modern, the gameplay is still jerky especially in combat. Compared to modern shooters the smoothness and speed factor is lacking and it at times has a herky-jerky gameplay to it. Being able to cleanly shoot an enemy is erratic as some are real bullet sponges while others in the same class go down fairly easily.
The game also uses a checkpoint save system so failing to complete an objective will have players trying a scenario repeatedly until they are successful.
Players will also be able to utilize vehicles that they find which can help when they need to make a fast escape from a location or if they opt to make a direct assault.
The sound and graphics of the game are solid but the gameplay was decidedly retro and had many of the issues that bothered me with the original release. I had hoped for a total redo but in many ways it was like slapping a new coat of paint on an old car and expecting top of the line performance.
Crysis: Remastered is a nice trip down memory lane but pails when compared to more modern games in terms of enjoyment as I think a new game in the series would have been better. Perhaps this is a way to test what the current demand for the franchise is. For now the game is a nice piece of updated nostalgia.
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Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated Click (2006) in Movies
Aug 14, 2019
Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) is a man in crisis. As a caring a devoted father and husband, Michael is at the end of his rope as his life has become a non-stop series of projects and endless deadlines as he attempts to become a partner in his architecture firm.
His boss, Ammer (David Hasselhoff) is constantly piling work on top of Michael’s already full plate, and promises a pending partnership which only drives Michael even harder at the expense of quality time for himself and his family.
With events such as camping trips, 4th of July family outings and his swim meets being lost to his increasing workload, Michael is in need of help as even his loving wife Donna (Kate Beckinsale), is becoming frustrated with his lack of time for his family and the fact that his family has become a distant second fiddle to his job.
When his frustration point gets the best of him, Michael decides to take a drive one night and locate a universal remote in an effort to clear up the clutter of remotes that inhabit his own.
With only a Bed Bath and Beyond open, Michael finds himself in a remote room of the store where a sympathetic employee named Morty (Christopher Walken), says he has the answer to Michaels situation, a special universal remote that is his free of charge.
Michael is skeptical but when Morty assures him that it is an advanced prototype and that sometimes a good guy need breaks in life, he sets home with the remote.
Eventually Michael realizes that the remote has the power to speed up, freeze, and access various moments of his life. Suddenly menial tasks, work, and other events can be avoided simply by forwarding past those points.
As Michael works with the remote, he is visited from time to time by Morty who shows him features such as a DVD like menu where Michael can look back at everything from past girlfriends to his conception and birth.
After a setback on his career path, Michael decides to fast forward to his promotion and is shocked to discover that not only has more time passed than he expected, but that his relationships at home have been strained in the process.
If this is not enough trouble for Michael, the remote starts to take on a mind of its own, and soon forwards him in time without his approval, forcing Michael to face the changes and repercussions of a life out of control.
Click is easily one of Sandler’s best films since “The Wedding Singer” and “Fifty First Dates”, as it blends the typical Sandler humor with moments of great candor and tenderness.
The supporting work of Walken and Beckinsale is enhanced by the presence of Henry Winkler ads to the enjoyment of the film.
Frank Coraci who previously directed Sandler in (The Wedding Singer), and (The Waterboy), is not afraid to force Sandler to stretch beyond the familiar comedic routines for which he has been known and make him address more serious subject matter.
While some fans may find the blend of comedy and a more mature subject matter difficult to accept, Click is a novel comedy that is filled with laughs and yet takes the time to address important topics without ever being heavy handed.
Some may want to take issues with the crude humor, and raise issues about the remote and why certain things were done or not done. To do this would be in my opinion would be missing the point of the film which is to remind us, that no matter what, take the time out for those that are important in your life.
His boss, Ammer (David Hasselhoff) is constantly piling work on top of Michael’s already full plate, and promises a pending partnership which only drives Michael even harder at the expense of quality time for himself and his family.
With events such as camping trips, 4th of July family outings and his swim meets being lost to his increasing workload, Michael is in need of help as even his loving wife Donna (Kate Beckinsale), is becoming frustrated with his lack of time for his family and the fact that his family has become a distant second fiddle to his job.
When his frustration point gets the best of him, Michael decides to take a drive one night and locate a universal remote in an effort to clear up the clutter of remotes that inhabit his own.
With only a Bed Bath and Beyond open, Michael finds himself in a remote room of the store where a sympathetic employee named Morty (Christopher Walken), says he has the answer to Michaels situation, a special universal remote that is his free of charge.
Michael is skeptical but when Morty assures him that it is an advanced prototype and that sometimes a good guy need breaks in life, he sets home with the remote.
Eventually Michael realizes that the remote has the power to speed up, freeze, and access various moments of his life. Suddenly menial tasks, work, and other events can be avoided simply by forwarding past those points.
As Michael works with the remote, he is visited from time to time by Morty who shows him features such as a DVD like menu where Michael can look back at everything from past girlfriends to his conception and birth.
After a setback on his career path, Michael decides to fast forward to his promotion and is shocked to discover that not only has more time passed than he expected, but that his relationships at home have been strained in the process.
If this is not enough trouble for Michael, the remote starts to take on a mind of its own, and soon forwards him in time without his approval, forcing Michael to face the changes and repercussions of a life out of control.
Click is easily one of Sandler’s best films since “The Wedding Singer” and “Fifty First Dates”, as it blends the typical Sandler humor with moments of great candor and tenderness.
The supporting work of Walken and Beckinsale is enhanced by the presence of Henry Winkler ads to the enjoyment of the film.
Frank Coraci who previously directed Sandler in (The Wedding Singer), and (The Waterboy), is not afraid to force Sandler to stretch beyond the familiar comedic routines for which he has been known and make him address more serious subject matter.
While some fans may find the blend of comedy and a more mature subject matter difficult to accept, Click is a novel comedy that is filled with laughs and yet takes the time to address important topics without ever being heavy handed.
Some may want to take issues with the crude humor, and raise issues about the remote and why certain things were done or not done. To do this would be in my opinion would be missing the point of the film which is to remind us, that no matter what, take the time out for those that are important in your life.
Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Fast & Furious 9 (2021) in Movies
Jun 24, 2021
Ridiculous storyline (1 more)
Improbable action
Magnetic bulls**t that will no doubt attract Fast-fans
Positives:
- Glossy locations, fast cars and beautiful women: the usual Fast stuff.
- When the stunts are "real", they are good and exciting. But it's often difficult to tell when there's been a 'computer-assist'.
Negatives:
- I complained in my review for "The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard" about it having a childish and ludicrous plot. This movie makes that look like bl***y Shakespeare! There's an attempt to add a smidgen of family tension into the mix, based on Dom's childhood trauma. But aside from that element, the 'story' (I use the term in its loosest possible sense) bounces (without any rational logic most of the time) from ludicrous situation to ludicrous situation without pause. Most of these are linked by Ramsey (the very British Nathalie Emmanuel) stating a random fact such as "Well, now he's going to need to launch a satellite". And off we go again. (That particular crazy story arc even sees them 'doing a Musk' and flying a car into space: I kid you not!)
- It's not even the 'big stuff' that's unbelievable. Everywhere you look, there are inconsistencies and things that don't make sense.
-- Tej (played by Ludicris - an appropriate name here) takes dodging a brigade worth of machine gun bullets to nonsensical limits.
-- Generally, the cast gets blasted, dropped, crashed, burned, and otherwise put through more fatal situations than you can imagine, only to walk out without a scratch.
-- And if you can show me a single delivery lorry in Edinburgh that has an automatic gearbox, I'll be amazed!
- At one point, Roman (Tyrese Gibson) mutters some line about "Trusting in the physics and the numbers". Well, let me tell you, it's like no physics that I studied on this planet. A lot of the set pieces involve huge magnets attached to trucks and cars. Now - correct me if I'm wrong - but if you turn a massive magnet on in a truck then as well as ripping the car you are chasing through the adjacent building (as if), you will also force the truck to be pulled into that building too. OK, perhaps not as much.... but the lorry ain't going to stay in its driving lane, I know that much! And magnets attract metal - they don't repel it!
- At 145 minutes, this is well over 2 hours of my life I will never get back.
Summary Thoughts on "F9": It's just such a formulaic and contrived piece of fluff that it makes me cross that they can spend $200,000 on a movie and not make it better. Part of this involves the lazy use of CGI to create obviously nonsensical stunts that devalue true action films. Yes, the stunt team was busy, and impressive, here - but always going for "one better" has led to extensive use of CGI. That's why I liked the 2014 'knock-off' film "Need for Speed" - - at least they did all their stunts old-school, in camera, and not in the computer.
But whatever I say here, this movie will unfortunately get its audience. At the time of writing, it's already made nearly $300K at the box office on its $200K budget. Which means there will inevitably be an F10, no doubt involving a driving battle on the planet Mars. Sigh.
By the way, before you dive for the exits to relieve your bladder (it is 145 minutes after all), there is a mid-credits scene that re-introduces an old favourite.
(For the full graphical review, please check out the One Mann's Movies review here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2021/06/24/f9-magnetic-bullst-that-will-no-doubt-attract-fast-fans/. Thanks).
- Glossy locations, fast cars and beautiful women: the usual Fast stuff.
- When the stunts are "real", they are good and exciting. But it's often difficult to tell when there's been a 'computer-assist'.
Negatives:
- I complained in my review for "The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard" about it having a childish and ludicrous plot. This movie makes that look like bl***y Shakespeare! There's an attempt to add a smidgen of family tension into the mix, based on Dom's childhood trauma. But aside from that element, the 'story' (I use the term in its loosest possible sense) bounces (without any rational logic most of the time) from ludicrous situation to ludicrous situation without pause. Most of these are linked by Ramsey (the very British Nathalie Emmanuel) stating a random fact such as "Well, now he's going to need to launch a satellite". And off we go again. (That particular crazy story arc even sees them 'doing a Musk' and flying a car into space: I kid you not!)
- It's not even the 'big stuff' that's unbelievable. Everywhere you look, there are inconsistencies and things that don't make sense.
-- Tej (played by Ludicris - an appropriate name here) takes dodging a brigade worth of machine gun bullets to nonsensical limits.
-- Generally, the cast gets blasted, dropped, crashed, burned, and otherwise put through more fatal situations than you can imagine, only to walk out without a scratch.
-- And if you can show me a single delivery lorry in Edinburgh that has an automatic gearbox, I'll be amazed!
- At one point, Roman (Tyrese Gibson) mutters some line about "Trusting in the physics and the numbers". Well, let me tell you, it's like no physics that I studied on this planet. A lot of the set pieces involve huge magnets attached to trucks and cars. Now - correct me if I'm wrong - but if you turn a massive magnet on in a truck then as well as ripping the car you are chasing through the adjacent building (as if), you will also force the truck to be pulled into that building too. OK, perhaps not as much.... but the lorry ain't going to stay in its driving lane, I know that much! And magnets attract metal - they don't repel it!
- At 145 minutes, this is well over 2 hours of my life I will never get back.
Summary Thoughts on "F9": It's just such a formulaic and contrived piece of fluff that it makes me cross that they can spend $200,000 on a movie and not make it better. Part of this involves the lazy use of CGI to create obviously nonsensical stunts that devalue true action films. Yes, the stunt team was busy, and impressive, here - but always going for "one better" has led to extensive use of CGI. That's why I liked the 2014 'knock-off' film "Need for Speed" - - at least they did all their stunts old-school, in camera, and not in the computer.
But whatever I say here, this movie will unfortunately get its audience. At the time of writing, it's already made nearly $300K at the box office on its $200K budget. Which means there will inevitably be an F10, no doubt involving a driving battle on the planet Mars. Sigh.
By the way, before you dive for the exits to relieve your bladder (it is 145 minutes after all), there is a mid-credits scene that re-introduces an old favourite.
(For the full graphical review, please check out the One Mann's Movies review here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2021/06/24/f9-magnetic-bullst-that-will-no-doubt-attract-fast-fans/. Thanks).
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Phillip McSween (751 KP) Dec 3, 2019 (Updated Dec 3, 2019)