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Dungeon Academy
Dungeon Academy
2019 | Dice Game, Fantasy
Roll-and-write style games have come a really long way over the past couple years. In the olden days we had Yahtzee, and that satisfied us. But then designers began dusting off that olde mechanic and breathing new life into it. While roll-and-write may never become my favorite mechanic, I am starting to appreciate the good ones more and more each time I play them. Dungeon Academy is one of these good games.

In Dungeon Academy players are taking the roles of students attempting their finals to become graduated warriors and mages in the land. They must pass their tests though, and that entails surviving through the dreaded Dungeon four times and surpassing all opponents to receive their degree.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T


To setup a solo game of Dungeon Academy, assemble the Dungeon component per the instructions. The player is dealt a character card with a special ability and markers to track Health and Mana throughout the game. Pile the Health and Mana tokens on the table, shuffle the Loot cards into a deck, and place the Teacher pawn nearby. Grab the pad of paper and pen and you are ready to begin.
Each attempt in the Dungeon will require the 16 Base Dice to be rolled and set inside the Dungeon. It is then flipped upside down when the timer begins and the mad dash to the Exit commences. As the player marks a line through every “room” (each die is considered a “room” in the Dungeon) they create a path to be checked at the end of the round. Once the player has made it through the Dungeon satisfactorily the Teacher will check the path.

The Teacher pawn is now used to track movement in the Dungeon. As the player tracks the path they drew on the paper, the Teacher is moved through the rooms. In each room (each die face) will be one of these possible encounters: a Mana potion to refill an empty Mana space on the character card, a Health potion, a small red Blob, a small blue Ghost, a large red Colossus, or a large blue Reaper. Each small foe encountered will be overtaken by spending one Health or Mana token from the character card. Each potion will restore spent Health or Mana. Each large foe encountered will require two Health or Mana to be spent. As the Teacher follows the path set by the player, Health and Mana will be spent and replenished on the character card, and foes defeated tracked on the sheet.

Once complete, the player will add up all the points from defeated foes (1VP per foe) and any VP from special character abilities or Loot cards. Additionally, the player will choose one of the four Quests at the bottom of the sheet to score each round for extra VP. They write these numbers on the sheet and prepare for the next level. After four total levels the game ends and the total is compared to a scale in the rulebook.


Multiplayer Dungeon Academy works the exact same way except once a player exits the Dungeon, they must grab the lowest-numbered Exit card as representation of the place finished in the Dungeon (so the first one out grabs the 1 card, etc.). The other difference from solo play is that players all compare total VP at the game end to determine the winner.
Components. This game has a large scorepad of 150 double-sided sheets, a bunch of cards for Hero characters, Loot, and Exits, as well as 18 total dice, about a trillion double-sided Health/Mana tokens and an impressive cardboard Dungeon. Everything is of wonderful Matagot quality… except for the Duneon. In my copy the Dungeon does not stay together very well. I may attempt some glue to keep the parts down that need to stay down, but it is still functional and a great design. The art style across the game is cute and fun, and I like the muted bright color scheme. That feels so weird to say/type, but the colors are vibrant hues, but muted so they stay out of the way. It’s strange and I love it.

Speaking of I love it, I love this game! It is quickly becoming one of my favorite roll-and-write games, and I can play it solo. In about 15 minutes. These are all positives, and I haven’t even really touched on the gameplay. Being able to get through a light solo game in 15 minutes while having a great time throughout is an achievement, and one I would like to applaud here. I wasn’t really sure going into this if I was going to enjoy it, but it has blown me away. Trying to evaluate the best path through the Dungeon while keeping track of how the Health and Mana is always in flux gives my brain a welcomed workout that is just a breath of fresh air for me. I love the art style and the theme, and the simple but easy to understand iconography on the dice is much appreciated.

I think that if you are looking for or lacking a similar type game in your collection you should do yourself a favor and check out Dungeon Academy. It is super quick, easy to grasp and play, requires little table space, and is simply a great time alone or with your gamer friends and family. I know I am going to be tracking lots of plays with this one. I am going to have to find a place on my shelves at eye-level because I don’t want it to be overshadowed down at foot-level.

If you already enjoy roll-and-write games and want something a little different with a great theme, or you don’t have any roll-and-writes and want to check one out for the first time, or you simply cannot get enough games featuring great art about wizards in school check this one out. I recommend it.
  
Noah (2014)
Noah (2014)
2014 | Action, Adventure, Drama
Biblical epics never seem to translate well from paper to the big screen. Mel Gibson’s 2004 misfire, The Passion of the Christ, showed just how difficult it was to turn promising source material into silver screen gold.

Now, 10 years on from that, Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky breathes new life into the biblical genre with his take on the classic ‘Noah’ tale. But can his sixth attempt behind the camera reverse the ailing genre’s fortunes?

Unfortunately, the answer is no. From lacklustre special effects to dreadful acting, Aronofsky’s biblical epic fails from start to finish, with only a few key scenes lifting it above The Passion of the Christ.

Noah follows the story of the titular hero played by Russell Crowe as he sets out on a mission given to him by the ‘Creator’ to rid the world of its evil and to start afresh. Jennifer Connelly plays Noah’s wife Naameh and Ray Winstone portrays his arch nemesis, Tubal-cain.

The story is like the tale we all know, but on steroids. Gone is the subtlety of the bibleNoah-poster version and in its place is a stark environmental message as Noah tells his family and those around him that humans have destroyed the planet and that we ourselves, must be destroyed. From stone angels sent to watch over the human race, to the addition of numerous characters, Noah rids the story of its depth in favour of poor special effects and anti-climatic battles. It’s a real shame as Aronofsky has proven himself to be utterly talented behind the lens.

The performances are also well-below what we expect from such gifted actors. Emma Watson’s take of Ila, Noah’s daughter-in-law is laughable at best; a world away from the talent we saw towards the end of the Harry Potter series. Jennifer Connelly is outstandingly poor and Russell Crowe seems to be on auto-pilot as he spouts meaningless drivel. Only Anthony Hopkins leaves his fine reputation in tact as Methuselah, though he is in the film for less than 15 minutes.

Moreover, the best and most memorable part from the bible story, the animals, is completely misguided. Not only are they playing second fiddle to the ridiculous rivalry between Noah and Ray Winstone’s idiotic villain, they are rendered in such poor CGI, you never truly believe that they are there. The elephants and snakes in particular are very shoddy.

Thankfully all is not lost. Being a Darren Aronofsky film, Noah is a beautifully shot film. The cinematography is outstanding with stunning vistas of a huge variety of landscapes and the inclusion of an exciting Genesis featurette in the latter half of the picture are real highlights.

At 138 minutes Noah is a true bum-number and there’ll be lots of shuffling about in your seat as you struggle to digest each and every part of information the film shoves down your throat.

Unfortunately, a promising marketing campaign and some good trailers mask a film which never rises above average. The special effects really needed much more work and the acting is very poor. Only a few stand-out scenes stop it from falling below The Passion of the Christ as another biblical turkey.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2014/04/14/noah-review/
  
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Kristy H (1252 KP) rated Touch in Books

Feb 13, 2018  
Touch
Touch
Courtney Maum | 2017 | Fiction & Poetry
4
4.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Sloane Jacobsen is the most famous and sought after trends forecaster in the world. Companies across the globe seek Sloane's knowledge about the "next big thing." Sloane may be confident in her work life, but her personal life is a mess. She's not happy with her boyfriend, Roman, and she's basically estranged from her family--all since she fled to Paris shortly after her father's death. But now Sloane is working for six months in New York: she's back near her family, and Roman is accompanying her on the trip.

This book immediately got off on the wrong foot with me as the main character ranted against how society has changed--using peanut allergies and the horror of having to avoid her favorite peanut-filled treats on a plane as proof. As someone with a kid with a peanut allergy (who has met these lovely people on planes in real life), I was already turned off by Sloane. <i>It never really got any better. </i>

Sloane is supposedly a trend forecaster. Her entire life she's been able to "see" things and predict where society is going with certain trends. She is credited with foreseeing the famous "swipe" action. The problem Sloane faces now is that she thinks society is going to turn against the technology it has come to hold so dear: something that doesn't sit well with the technology-focused firm, Mammoth, who has hired her. After all, Mammoth uses a driverless car to transport Sloane while she works for them. They want her to present at a convention that aims to showcase technology for the childless set.

On the surface, this doesn't sound so bad. Consider parts of it satire and a critique on our tech-obsessed society, and it has real promise. Unfortunately, for me, <i>the premise fell flat.</i> My favorite character wound up being Anastasia, the driverless car. Sloane's boyfriend, Roman, wears a Zentai suit (imagine a full-length wet-suit that covers his entire body) and preaches an anti-touch, pro-cybersex agenda. He's strange. That whole part of the plot is weird, albeit one that offers the occasional comic moment. Maybe my sense of humor is not finely developed enough?

The book nails a lot of the corporate world (you can certainly picture Dax, the head of Mammoth, and many of his worker bees). Other parts of the plot are harder to swallow. Sloane waffles. Roman irritates. The dialogue is oddly written at times. Large pieces of the plot didn't really seem necessary. Other pieces were interesting, but felt like reading a research paper (and I found myself skimming).

So while there were certainly funny moments (and it picked up a bit as it neared the end), overall I just found myself cringing. I didn't like the plot, I never warmed up to Sloane, and I wanted to hit Roman and Dax. Maybe I missed a higher meaning to this novel, as it seems to be getting a lot of better reviews, so take mine with a grain of salt. For me, I just didn't enjoy reading it, and that's why (and I debated this a while), I'm going with 2.5 stars.

I received a copy of this novel from the publisher and Netgalley (thank you!) in return for an unbiased review. It is available everywhere as of 05/30/2017.

<center><a href="http://justacatandabookatherside.blogspot.com/">Blog</a>; ~ <a href="https://twitter.com/mwcmoto">Twitter</a>; ~ <a href="https://www.facebook.com/justacatandabook/">Facebook</a>; ~ <a href="https://plus.google.com/u/0/+KristyHamiltonbooks">Google+</a></center>;
  
(This review can also be found on my blog <a href="http://themisadventuresofatwentysomething.blogspot.co.uk">The (Mis)Adventures of a Twenty-Something Year Old Girl</a>).

If you've read my reviews on the first two books in this series, you will know my love affair with the Bad Girls Don't Die series. Katie Alender has fast become one of my top three favourite authors. I loved As Dead As It Gets as much as the first two which is saying something as usually most sequels fail to get my love.

Alexis is back in the next installment of Bad Girls Don't Die. This time girls start going missing and Alexis is also being attacked. Alexis discovers that something supernatural is going on. Will Alexis be able to find the missing girls or will Alexis become a ghost herself?

I think the title of this book suits more of the series than the actual book itself. I mean, yes it also suits the book, but it suits the series better. I like how Katie Alender has stuck with titles that seem to blend into one another.

If you've read my reviews of the other two books in the series, you will see how I feel about the covers. I think the cover is gorgeous, but I just wish there was something more to the cover. I think the girl in the cover is either supposed to be Alexis or a ghost featured in this book.

Katie Alender does a fantastic job in the world building and setting in each of her books, and this book is no different. Alender made Alexis' surroundings come to life in great detail. It's quite easy to actual feel as if you are part of Alexis' world.

As always, the pacing of this Katie Alender title is perfect. It's not too slow nor is it too fast. The story flows very well. I ended up devouring all three books in this series, not literally though as paper doesn't taste too good, lol. As Dead As It Gets is such an easy read to immerse yourself in.

The dialogue and wording are easy to understand. All the teenage characters actually sound like teens. The words seem to just flow into one another. I didn't come across any swearing either.

The characters are all well developed as with the other two titles in the series. Alexis is a bit more paranoid in this book, and I also found that she's a bit of a pushover when it comes to Jared. I constantly wanted to yell at her to just leave Jared!! Jared comes across as being the controlling boyfriend type. I really couldn't stand him because of the way he was treating Alexis. My favourite character in this book was Lydia. I loved her sarcasm and humour. We really get to see a lot more of Lydia in this novel, and her personality shines through.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this book. It is so good!! I'm hoping this isn't the end of the Bad Girls Don't Die series. If it is, I might have to beg Katie Alender to keep writing more of this series as it is so good!

I'd recommend this book to everyone aged 13+.
  
Fifty Shades Darker (2017)
Fifty Shades Darker (2017)
2017 | Drama, Romance
Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) have returned in “50 Shades Darker” which looks to continue the massive success of the series.

Picking up shortly after the last film, the newly single Anastasia has begun working her dream job as an assistant in a Seattle publishing company. When she is reunited with Christian at a social event, he pleads with her to take him back and offers to redefine the terms of their relationship agreement.

Although cautions, she takes him back and despite telling him she wants to take it slow, the first of many sex scenes follow.

Although happy to be reunited, the pair are plagued by issues from Christian’s past as well as his own inner demons which constantly pull at them and threaten to undermine their new relationship.

Of course much if it is little more than thinly veiled lip service designed to get them into the bedroom time and time again so the camera can focus on their bodies and Christian resorting to his old ways with all manner of restraints and devices.

One would think that a film that is supposed to be so erotic would be far more exciting and titillating but the film’s sex scenes are so dull and by the numbers you will soon find yourself losing interest. A big part of this goes to the total lack of chemistry between the leads. If you thought it was strained in the first film it is pretty much non-existent this time out. The dialogue is also not much better as it is laughably bad in areas and unintentionally funny. The monotone delivery of the leads does not help much as it seems like there is a competition to see how many shots of the beautiful Seattle area and their bodies can be creamed into the film.

Kim Bassinger does bring the film a bit of intrigue as a woman from Christian’s past, but she is not in the film enough to really make that much of a difference as pretty much all of the supporting characters are paper thin and not given the chance to grow.

I did like the film more than I liked the original film, but I continue to struggle with the appeal of the film series. The leads lack any chemistry and supporters of the BDSM lifestyle have said the series does not portray their lifestyle accurately and that what Christian does is abusive.

I posted the question that how much appeal would the series have if Christian was a struggling musician living in a hovel who could not even afford a Starbucks run. He would be considered a deeply damaged individual who women would run from. But package him up as a young and attractive billionaire, and it seems that common sense goes out the window as far as the ladies in his life go, and he gets a pass on behaviors that would be totally unacceptable to most.

For me the lack of eroticism, chemistry between the leads, and a compelling story could be overlooked as despite the issues, it does entertain. But when the characters are so hard to like, I found myself not having much sympathy for any obstacles they encountered. My advice, wait for the video as there are far more erotic and entertaining films on Netflix.

http://sknr.net/2017/02/09/50-shades-darker/
  
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Hazel (1853 KP) rated Taken in Books

Dec 17, 2018  
T
Taken
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
<i>I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.</i>

Rosie Lewis, presumably a penname, has been a professional foster carer for over seven years. During this time, she has dealt with children and teenagers from all sorts of backgrounds who are usually facing some form of crisis or difficulty. In latter years, Rosie has begun to combine her love of writing with her fostering experiences by writing story-like memoirs. <i>Taken</i> is Rosie’s latest publication, which reveals how emotionally challenging fostering can be.

Rosie first met Megan when she was only a few days old, struggling with the effects of neonatal abstinence syndrome and a cleft plate. Removed from her mother’s care – a drug addict – Megan needs a temporary home to go to. Rosie is more than happy to take care of Megan until her “forever home” can be found.

As time goes on, Rosie and her children become attached to the little girl and include her as part of the family. Megan’s salient recovery turns her into an energetic, slightly precocious toddler who absolutely adores Rosie’s family as much as they love her. But Rosie knows she will eventually have to say goodbye, no matter what her feelings.

Rosie explains to the reader how difficult it is to function properly as a foster carer once strong emotions have got involved. She dreams of being able to keep Megan forever, but when a couple are found who desperately want a child, Rosie has no choice but to say goodbye.

It is heartbreaking to see the effects of the separation on Rosie as well as on Megan, who, despite Rosie’s attempts to elucidate the situation, does not fully comprehend what is going on. Guiltily hoping that Megan’s irascible behaviour, or a cataclysmic event, puts the new parents off adoption, Rosie says goodbye to the little girl she loves with all her heart. However, her hopes are raised when it becomes clear the adoption is not sitting as well with the new parents as much as they originally hoped. Perhaps Rosie has a chance to become Megan’s “forever mummy” after all?

Told from Rosie’s professional perspective, readers are taken on a journey from a child’s unstable beginning, to a time when they are at peace with the world. It is impossible to be unaffected by the events in Megan’s life, or experience versions of Rosie’s own emotions.

Many foster carers, social workers and nurses have put their experiences onto paper to share with the world. Most are good storytellers and are able to create a tale that could almost be fiction, with good use of vocabulary and imagery. At times, it felt like Rosie was attempting to tell a story, but instead ended up with a formal account of events. As the book progressed, however, the reader becomes so invested in Megan’s wellbeing that this issue becomes unnoticeable.

Unlike stories about older children in care, Megan’s life is easier to read about since, being fostered as a new born baby, she has no demoralizing past to overcome. Taken is by far the happier story within its genre, not least because of its satisfying ending, but from the joy Megan brings to the lives of everyone around her, too. Those new to this style of book may find <i>Taken</i> a good way of easing themselves into the genre, rather than jumping in with a story about a child with a background full of unspeakable things.
  
Vacancy (2007)
Vacancy (2007)
2007 | Horror, Mystery
4
6.4 (11 Ratings)
Movie Rating
While driving down a back road late one evening on their way to L.A. an embattled couple, are about to make a stop that could cost them their lives. In Vacancy, Amy and David Fox, are returning home from a trip to celebrate the anniversary of their in laws.
The fact that they had to hide their failing marriage, and the tensions that still remain as a result, have driven Amy and David to the point of irritability and they never cease to find new ways to verbally spar with one another.

When their car breaks down, they are happy to discover a gas station attendant who tells them that he can get their car repaired enough to make it to the next town where they will be able to get the help that they need in the morning.

This proves not to be the case as their car once again breaks down shortly after they resume their trip, which forces Amy and David to walk back into town and stay the night at the only hotel in the remote locale.

Frustrated by their situation, the two resign themselves to their situation and check into the hotel and soon make a startling discovery. A stack of video tapes in the room seems to indicate that a series of ghastly murders has been committed in their room, and when hidden cameras are discovered, Amy and David soon realize that they are to be the stars of a future tape.

Trapped and alone, the duo must stave off a series of attacks and find a way to survive, so they can escape the nightmare they have stumbled into.

At first the premise of the film seems to be a step above the usual genre film, as the two leads, Wilson and Beckinsale, bring acredibility to their roles, and do develop their characters beyond the paper thin constructs that are so common in films of this type.

Sadly the film does not take advantage of this advantage and soon becomes a series of pat situations and a surprisingly odd lack of tension and suspense in the film.

One of the biggest problems in the film is that it tips it’s hand way to early in the film, as we know what is going on as the discovery of the tapes eliminates much of the mystery. Had the film saved this piece of information until the end of the film, it might have had far more impact as the audience would be left wondering why the bizarre events were happening to the couple.

Another issue for me was the small cast, as with only Wilson and Beckinsale in peril for the majority of the film, the tension level was greatly reduced, as you know that neither of them is going to be killed early in the film, as that would leave the movie without any protagonists.

As much as I liked the concept and casting, especially Frank Whaley as the creepy hotel clerk, Vacancy is simply a good idea that never rises above its premise, and ends up content to recycle the same old formula from dozens of other horror films without offering any of the thrills or chills, and leaves you unsatisfied.
  
Long Shot (2019)
Long Shot (2019)
2019 | Comedy
When his small paper is bought out but a large media conglomerate the free-spirited journalist Fred Flarsky (Seth Rogen) quits rather write for a company he believes has a low moral compass. His best friend Lance (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) takes him out on the town to drown his sorrows. They decide to go to a charity function to get free drinks and watch Boyz II Men. As chance would have it Fred’s babysitter from high school, Charlotte Field (Charlize Theron), is also there. Charlotte happens to be one of the most powerful women in the world. She is currently the Secretary of State and has her eyes set on the on the White House. But she recognizes Fred and they connect for a few moments. This chance meeting seems fortuitous for both. Fred needs a job and Charlotte is in need of a writer to help punch up her speeches. Fred also gets the chance to travel the world with his high school crush. Even though Fred isn’t your normal member of a government official’s entourage, dresses like a child, has a scraggly beard and looks high even when not, he can write. So he gets the chance to write entire speeches. As his role increases he needs to get to know this version of Charlotte a little better, rather than the girl he know in high school. They begin to spend more and more time together getting to know each other. Then a near death experience in Manilla leads to a wild night between the odd couple. But rather than a onetime thing the two begin sneaking away together. But as Charlotte heads toward a Presidential Campaign it seem inevitable that this secret relationship needs to end or go public.

This Jonathan Levine (The Night Before, Snatched) directed romantic comedy is predictable with flares of originality. The cast is great. Rogen and Theron have good chemistry and do well. The supporting cast, O’Shea (Straight Outta Compton) as well as June Diane Raphael (Blockers, The Disaster Artist), Ravi Patel (T.V. series Wrecked, Grandfathered), Andy Serkis (Black Panther, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy) and others, all have fun moments. Bob Odenkirk (T.V.’s Better Call Saul) is very funny in his role as President Chambers. The comedy is fun, but raunchy at times. There were definitely laugh out loud moments. But some of the jokes were predictable and other good jokes were spoiled by the trailers, so avoid if possible. The story was also pretty predictable with the outcome never really in doubt but the ride was fun and had both really good moments and some that fell flat. It blended what could be believable politics with some things you know would not be, or you really hope couldn’t be, done by someone in a powerful government position.

I thought the film was good but it did run a little long, 125 minutes. I think it would be a good date movie but definitely leave the kids at home due to prevalent drug use and raunchy moments. I went in with low expectations and that could also help. But if you need a laugh or non-super hero movie to see this is worth the ticket price.
  
Pretty in Punxsutawney
Pretty in Punxsutawney
Laurie Boyle Crompton | 2019 | Young Adult (YA)
6
6.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Pretty in Punxsutawney
What happens when you get stuck in time, re-living the first day in your new school?

Andie is a teenage girl, who loves movies. She is the type of person that knows exactly what to say… after it’s too late to say it. She is quirky, cutishly nerdy, and adorable in a silly way. And when she moves to Punxsutawney (I don’t think I’ll ever pronounce this town correctly), on the first day in her new school, she gets caught up in an endless loop of having to re-live those 24 hours again and again.

As in the movies, she is convinced that the curse can be broken with a true love’s kiss, she goes on a mission to get the boy. But is he the right one? And is true love what breaks the curse?

Not knowing how to end the loop, Andie tries to get first kiss with a guy she thinks is her true love, and when that doesn’t work, she suddenly tries to make the different types of people hang out together and realise that it doesn’t matter how you look like, to be a good person.

I really loved the idea of the loop in a high-school theme, and that was the main reason that I wanted to read this book really badly. I also loved that the main idea of this book was that looks don’t matter, and don’t judge a book by its cover, but I think that the author took this meaning way too far into the book, and it became too unrealistic, that it was laughable.

I enjoyed the layout of the different types of kids in the school, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the goths, the school-paper girls, the nerds. They were all described very realistically, and I enjoyed the times when we would realise that prejudice doesn’t matter. I can relate to a lot of this, because I was hanging out with both nerds and jocks in my high-school times, being a sports person and being a ‘’weirdo’’ that wants to read at the same time.

I also somehow managed to like the movie references, even though at moments, they are too overwhelming, and sometimes completely unrelated to the plot in place.

What I didn’t like, is how Andie kept changing in order to fit, how her behaviour changed, and her mindset during different days. I did not like this at all. I think that a person should always keep being themselves, no matter who they talk to. Doing the thinks she kept doing, only to be liked by one guy was miserable. Ladies – you are beautiful, no matter what you wear or how you do your hair. If that guy really likes you, he wouldn’t care about all these things and he would see within.

In retrospective, this was an enjoyable read. I am glad I read it, but somehow I think I might’ve been too old to read it now. But for you guys that are still in high-school, or love reading about high-school, this one is definitely worth your time.

Thank you to Netgalley and Blink, for providing me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
  
A Game of Thrones
A Game of Thrones
George R.R. Martin | 2014 | Fiction & Poetry
1
8.8 (87 Ratings)
Book Rating
The prologue (0 more)
Dull, confusing, uninteresting and derivative (0 more)
I've been reviewing books online for nearly a year now... and in that time I have finished every book I have started and more-or-less enjoyed every book and given positive reviews.

But this book has put an end to that. As a fan of writers such as Joe Abercrombie who cite this series and George R R Martin as a big influence, I thought I should give this a read. After all, with so many plaudits and a hit television show it couldn't be that bad, could it.

Unfortunately it could. I liked the prologue - that was interesting to read and had some good writing and interesting characters in it. The one star is purely for this part of the book. Treat it as a short story and ignore the rest of the weighty tome and you won't go far wrong.

From this point forward nothing works. I can see that Martin was trying to inject a bit of reality and grit into fantasy, though it could be argues it had not exactly been all sunlight, dancing elves and heroes with rippling muscles for several decades so I don't see it as the massive change in direction it has been touted as in some quarters.

What we have is a succession of dreary, uninteresting characters taking part in a series of dull and stilted conversations attempting to create some sort of dramatic tension simply by existing. And then quite often there will be sex, not for any reason other than it seems this is what Martin thinks makes characters interesting. And the sex scenes are really, really awful. They read as if an over-excited 15 year old boy has written them.

The structure - where each chapter is told from the point of view of a different character - probably sounded really good on paper. But the end result is almost impossible to read as there is no continuity between sections that are dealing with the same characters, So for the first half of every chapter the reader is trying to get to grips with the new main character while also working out which kingdom they are in and how they related to the many, many other characters. It's just plain too confusing and exhausting as an actual narrative device.

And the characters themselves... I was expecting Martin to try everything possible to avoid any of the usual tropes, but no. Accepted there are no magicians, elves or pure-hearted swashbuckling heroes. But what is left is just the usual supporting cast - the bastard half brother with a grudge, the scheming dwarf, the wronged heir to the throne... there is absolutely nothing new or inventive in any of the characters.

What this book reminded me of most was the Harry Potter series. Completely derivative, averagely written and heavily marketed fantasy stories eagerly consumed by people who don't actually read fantasy. To those who do read fantasy this is such a poor relation to the other fine works that have been published in the last 30 years it's not even worth considering.

If you have never read this, don't bother. Instead do yourself a favour and pick up something that actually has something to say and contains some truly interesting characters and worlds. Joe Abercrombie or Mark Lawrence, for example.