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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Phantoms (1998) in Movies

Sep 21, 2020  
Phantoms (1998)
Phantoms (1998)
1998 | Horror, Mystery
4
4.8 (10 Ratings)
Movie Rating Watch
Peter O'Toole was the bomb in 𝘗𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴, yo. Features elements of a horror movie but fails to actually make a horror movie out of them - spends most of its runtime focusing on the bracing thrills of walking around slowly and looking at stuff, and the heart-clenching horrors of sitting in some lab talking about chemicals and stuff. Dean Koontz is the Dan Brown of horror, ineptly weaving together such laughably idiotic historical appeals (forced to be played straight) for people who don't know they aren't cultured and then doing nothing with them. Also Rose McGowan is either genuinely crap here or she just doesn't care. The sci-fi violence/gore is honestly quite vicious and damn cool for what this is, and there is a noticeable amount of enjoyable stupidity to be had (terrified Affleck pleading for his life to a golden retriever, O'Toole screaming about how some ancient extraterrestrial-demon shapeshifting oil killed the dinosaurs, etc) but it's too slapdash for its own good. Gets right into it then takes multiple breaks to sit on its ass, not awful but also not worth any sort of time, tbh. The Blob for those thirsty for cardboard vapidity. *Please* just watch 𝘝𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 7𝘵𝘩 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘵 instead.
  
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David McK (3185 KP) rated Troy (2004) in Movies

Apr 28, 2020  
Troy (2004)
Troy (2004)
2004 | Action, Drama, History
6
7.0 (23 Ratings)
Movie Rating Watch
Following the success of "Gladiator" in 2000, I was expecting Hollywood to resurrect the old sword and sandals movies of yore, and for their to be a glut of the same.

At the time of writing this review (2020), there was actually surprisingly few such films: of the top of my head, I can only really think of "Robin Hood", "Kingdom of Heaven", and this.

With quite a few big names in its cast - Brad Pitt, Sean Bean, Orlando Bloom, Peter O'Toole and Eric Bana to name a few - this retells the story of the siege of Troy (although said siege doesn't seem to last as long as originally told), following Paris (Orlando Bloom) elopement with the wife of Menelaus of Troy (Brendan Gleeson) Helen (Diane Kruger), giving an excuse for Agememnon (a scenery chewing Brian Cox) to go to war against that city.

While this does have some bruising action scenes - the beach landing, and Achilles Vs Hector are my personal favourite - unfortunately large swathes of the film are bogged down by necessary exposition, and I have to say that this version of Helen of Sparta (or Troy) face may be able to launch a dinghy or two, but not the fleet of a thousand ships that she is described as in the original texts (where she is said to be the most beautiful woman in the world).