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Dracula
Dracula
Bram Stoker, Ang Lee | 2016 | Fiction & Poetry
9
8.1 (47 Ratings)
Book Rating
Dracula was written by author Bram Stoker during the late 1890's and is set around the character of Dracula and his attempt to move from Transylvania to England so he can spread the curse of the undead (I.e. the creation of more vampires). English solicitor Jonathan Harker who'd originally gone to Transylvania to be legal aide for Dracula stops him with the help of Van Helsing and others which ends the life of one of them – Quincey-, the book ends with a note from Jonathan Harker that several people lived happily married and Jonathan has a son nicknamed for Quincey.

Dracula was published in London in May 1897 by Archibald Constable & Company and was later copyrighted in the U.S in 1899 and published by Doubleday & McClure of New York. Despite having decent praise form reviewers it wasn't an immediate bestseller. Although the English newspaper the Daily Mail ranked Stoker's writing prowess in Dracula above that of Mary Shelly, Edgar Allen Poe and Emily Bronte's Wuthering heights. Unfortunately it didn't make Stoker that much money and he'd had to petition for a compassionate grant from the royal literary fund. When he died his widow was forced to sell his notes and outlines of the book at an auction in 1913. It was the unauthorised adaption of Nosferatu by F. W. Murnau in 1922 and the resulting legal battle made when Stokers widow took affront that the novels popularity began to grow.

Before writing Dracula Bram Stoker had been researching European folklore and stories of vampires having been most influenced by Emily Gerard's “Transylvania Superstitions” 1885 essay...which included content about the vampire myth. Some historians insist that Vlad iii Dracula (More commonly known as Vlad the impaler) was the model for Stokers count but there's been no supporting evidence to make that true. According to one expert Stoker only borrowed the barest minimum of information of the Wallachian tyrant and he's not even mentioned in Stokers notes. Stoker was a member of the London library during the 1890's where books by Sabine Baring-Gould, Thomas Browne, AF Crosse and Charles Boner are attributed to Stokers research. Stoker would later claim he'd had a nightmare caused by over-eating crab meat about a “Vampire king” rising from his grave. Whitby on the Yorkshire coast contributed its landscape since Bram Stoker often holidayed there during the summer.

Dracula wasn't Stokers first choice as title for the story since he cycled through The Dead Un-Dead then simply the Un-Dead the count wasn't even supposed to be Count Dracula having had the name Count Wampyr for several drafts before Stoker became intrigued by the name Dracula. After reading “An account of the principles of Wallachia and Moldavia with political observations relative to them” written by author William Wilkinson (Published in 1820). the descendants of Vlad ii of Wallachia took the name Dracula or Dracul after being invested in the Order of the Dragon in 1431. In the old Romanian language the word Dracul mean “the Dragon” and Dracula meant “Son of the Dragon”. Nowadays however Dracul means “the Devil”

Whilst Dracula is known as THE Vampire novel its not the first. Johan Wolfgang Von Goethe had his book the Bride of Corinth published in 1797, 1871's Carmilla (a story about a lesbian vampire) was written by Sheridan Le Frau and James Malcolm Rymer's penny dreadful series Venny the Vampire was a product from the mid Victorian period. Even John Polidori created an image of a vampyric aristocrat in his 1819 story The Vampyre when he spent a summer with Merry Shelly (creator of Frankenstein) and her poet husband Percy Bysshe Shelly and Lord Bryon in 1816.

I really love Dracula. It showed the madness, the ethereal quality and the ultimate danger of what a vampire could do. Like many other goth inclined teenagers trying to find their feet in the world Dracula definitely added its two cents to my self worth and love of all things macabre. The fact it was written by a Victorian writer has added a unusual depth to the story as only a Victorian writer could. The culture of the Vampire has become deep rooted and wide spread in its acceptance and Dracula has definitely spearheaded such a phenomenon.

Abraham “Bram” Stoker was Born in Dublin, Ireland on the 8th of November 1847, He was the third of seven children born to Abraham and Charlotte Stoker and was bedridden with an unknown illness until he recovered at seven. He started schooling at a private school run by the Reverend William Woods and grew up without serious illness. Stoker excelled at sports at Trinity College Dublin having graduated in 1870 with a BA (Bachelor of Arts). He was an Auditor of the College Historical Society and the president of the University Philosophical Society where his first paper was on Sensationalism in fiction and society.

Thanks to his friend Dr. Maunsell, Stoker became interested in the theatre as a student and whilst working for the Irish civil service he became a theatre critic for the Dublin evening mail where he attracted notice for the quality of his reviews. Stoker gave a favourable review of Henry Irving's adaption of Hamlet in December 1876, this prompted Irving to invite him to dinner where they ended up becoming friends. Stoker wrote The Crystal Cup which was published by the London society in 1872 and The chain of Destiny which was released in four parts in the Shamrock. Stoker also wrote the non-fiction book the duties of clerks of petty sessions in Ireland which was published in 1879.

Bram stoker married Florence Balcombe the daughter of a lieutenent-colonel in 1978 and they moved to London. Where Stoker ended up the Business manager of the Lyceum theatre as well as manager for Henry Irving- a position he held for 27 years. Despite being a very busy man Stoker ended up writing several novels (as well as Dracula) Including The Snakes pass in 1890, the lady of the shroud in 1909 and the lair of the white worm in 1911. when Henry Irving died in 1906 he published his personal reminiscences of Henry Irving. Stoker also managed productions at the Prince of Wales theatre.

Bram stoker died after a series of strokes in London on April 20th 1912, the cause of death is split between the possibility of Tertiary Syphilis or overwork. He was cremated and was placed in a display urn at Golders Green Crematorium in North London, he was later joined by the ashes of his Son Irving Noel Stoker in 1961, his wife Florence was meant to join them but her ashes were scattered at the Gardens of rest.

Stoker was honoured with a Google Doogle (the banner on goggles homepage) on November 8th 2012 commemorating the 165th anniversary of his birth. An annual festival in honour of Bram Stoker happens in Dublin, its supported by the Bram stoker estate and was/is usually funded by Dublin City Council and Failte Ireland.

My opinion of Bran stoker is that of a decent hard working man who loved life. Stoker epitomises the phrases of “a man on a mission” and “a man who hussles”. Having worked extremely hard both creatively as a novelist and business wise as a theatre manager Stoker pretty much showed that if you work hard you could pretty much do anything you set your mind to.

And there you have it a book for all the ages, definitely under the banner of AWESOME!!!.
  
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Kyera (8 KP) rated Empire of Storms in Books

Feb 1, 2018  
Empire of Storms
Empire of Storms
Sarah J. Maas | 2016 | Children
10
9.4 (22 Ratings)
Book Rating
Re-Read Update:
This book destroyed me. I cheered when my baby, Abraxos, appeared (legitimately out loud cheered) and wanted to cry at those fateful words. If you've read this book, you know which ones I'm referring to and if not, I can't say because there would be spoilers. Despite the issues and shift in the characterization of some of our leads, this book takes you on an incredible emotional journey with highs that make you cheer (see above) and lows that bring you to tears (almost).

Despite the length of the book, I didn't feel as though the story lagged or the pacing was poor. Any free minute I had, I immediately turned to the book to continue where I left off. Even knowing what was going to happen, it managed to enthrall me.

One of the problems that I have with this book is its portrayal of relationships. There are aspects of it that are so swoon-worthy and make your heart hurt, but there are some that are not healthy. It's nice to see diverse portrayals of love and relationships, but my concern is that a young adult reader might see the territorial Fae nonsense in the book and not realize that it's an extreme. It might seem normalized. As I am not a teenager, I am aware of the intricacies and can roll my eyes at the "nonsense" without putting any weight on the idea. That may not be the same for teen readers.

There are aspects of the character development that seems off and others that, although regrettable, are completely valid. For example, Dorian has gone through an incredible amount of turmoil and emotional upheaval in the last two books. It's understandable that his personality would not quite be the same carefree, flirty scholar that we met in the first book who wished to stand up to his father but could never garner the courage to do so.

In a similar vein, we watch other characters develop into multi-faceted people and understand them more. Manon and Lysandra have become much more interesting characters as they were expanded upon, and at least for me have become some of my favourites. Despite the huge cast of fairly main characters, each is still given the time to shine and grow.

Finally, the world building continues in this book to an immense degree. A combination of the book's size and the various viewpoints has allowed Sarah J Maas to expand the world we have come to know. Erilea has been developed and we are able to see more pieces of Nehemia's homeland, Aelin's kingdom, and so much in between.

I still love this series and highly recommend it to young adult/teen readers who enjoy fantasy books.

Original Review:
These novels are so addicting, emotional and indescribable - but I'm going to try to do them justice. If you've not yet read up to Empire of Storms, please avoid this review as it has spoilers. I try to leave out the major plot points and just focus on the characters/world, but it's not free from them. Please read on only if you've read the series.

Our main cast of beloved and some tolerated, main/supporting characters grows throughout the series. Although we lose Nehemia, which I am still so sad about - we are introduced to the Fae. Their inclusion in the series brings the genre into high fantasy and makes it even more enjoyable. Prior to this series, I hadn't read many novels in which the supernatural creatures were the Fae but now I am obsessed. The world of the Fae isn't experienced or explained much, but I would love to see more of it. Their powers or abilities are so intriguing and well written. Just enough information is given that you can understand what is going on, then beautifully populate the world and battles in your mind.

Sarah J Maas makes you fall in love with each of the characters, whether you liked them when they were first introduced or not. One of the first perspective shifts we experience is when we are introduced to the bloodthirsty Manon Blackbeak. At first, you wish her scenes weren't there as they take away from time with our main characters but by the fifth novel she's one of the characters you're rooting for. Although she's a witch and over one hundred years old, she is given the ability to develop and change over the course of the novels. It takes time because she's learning that things she believed her entire life aren't true and don't need to affect how she views life.

Even characters that we were originally introduced to, like Lysandre are able to evolve and change over the course of the books. She and Celaena start off butting heads and competing, but that doesn't last. They join together and made a formidable pair (especially once magic is restored to the land). Lysandre grows into one of my favourite characters and her wholehearted commitment to the cause is inspiring.

Seeking more information about the Wyrdkeys, Celaena seeks knowledge from the Fae Queen Maeve. Unwilling to give her information away for nothing, Queen Maeve makes a deal that Celaena must train with and impress one of her trusted warriors, Rowan. Prince Rowan is able to manipulate ice and wind, whilst also transforming into a hawk. Her inner circle are sworn to her with a blood oath and a group of Fae warriors that include Rowan, Lorcan, Gavriel, Vaughen, Fenrys and Connall. Later on, this group is affectionately titled Rowan's cadre and some join our heroes on their journey.

Unsurprisingly, we discover that Celaena is actually the Princess (or Queen) of Terrasen and that revelation brings with it some people from her past. Her cousin, Aedion was forced for years to do the bidding of the King of Adarlan whilst secretly helping his people. He is a general and his legion of warriors called the Bane are loyal to him rather than the King. We also meet another person from Terrasen, the daughter of the woman who sacrificed herself to allow Aelin to escape as a child - Elide. She was mistreated by her Uncle for years, until Manon Blackbeak helped her escape. After only a few days, she crosses paths with Lorcan who is a member of Rowan's cadre and they begin to journey together.

Lorcan is not well liked by Rowan or Aelin when we first come across him in Rifthold. He is still bound to Queen Maeve and is seeking to find and destroy the Wyrdkeys. Throughout his journey across Erilea, he discovers that he has a soft spot for Elide and protects her. Some of the other cadre are viewed in a more favourable light by Aelin and her friends, as they attempt to delay their orders from Maeve to help on the quest.

Sarah J Maas writes the best pairings that fill your heart with so much feeling then she rips it out and stomps all over it. Rowan loves Aelin with his whole heart, every part, the good, the bad, the broken and beaten, the assassin, the Queen, the Fae and no one else has ever done that for her. Their love is true and enduring. Heartwrenching and pure. Even though they didn't start off on the best footing, after training her for a time and even breaking his blood oath to Maeve - Rowan is completely enamored. Plus, they're mates so there's nothing more important and bonding. Each relationship is authentic and pulls at your heartstrings.

Throughout the novels, you are able to experience more of the lands with Erilea from the dark, twisted towers of Morath to the Queen's home of Terrasen. They are welcome additions to our mental maps of the land and wonderfully illustrated through words.

This is one of my favourite series by far and is highly recommended to all - also specifically to young adult readers who enjoy well writen novels with developed characters, immersive world-building and fantasy.
  
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Emma @ The Movies (1786 KP) rated Aladdin (2019) in Movies

Jun 22, 2019 (Updated Sep 25, 2019)  
Aladdin (2019)
Aladdin (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Family, Fantasy, Musical
Oh. My. This was always going to be a tough one for me, and I've been thinking long and hard about how on earth I was going to review this. I love the original, anyone who even remotely enjoys it would be able to sing you at least one of the songs, and therein lies one of the problems. Would I have had a different opinion about some of the elements had I not seen the original so many times? After a lot of contemplating I think the answer in most cases is no.

Note: I went to see this for a second time so I'm going to edit what I previously wrote up as I go because on second viewing it was better. Once the initial shock and annoyance had passed after seeing it the first time it was much easier to watch for the second time.

Remaking something that's peak Disney has so many issues, recasting roles, changing social views and cultural sensitivities, are probably the biggest ones.

Let's talk about the (blue) elephant in the room... although I guess that phrase isn't really accurate as we all want to talk about it. Oh Genie, my Genie. I don't think anyone would have been able to fill that lamp the way Robin Williams did, he was larger than life and brought such a sense of fun whenever he did roles like this. The man is a comedic legend. Recasting this was always going to be difficult, and honestly, I don't know if there's anyone I would have been happy with taking over the mantle.

When I found out that Will Smith was on board I wasn't completely put off. On paper he's got everything you'd need for this role. He had one of two choices, stick to the original faithfully or take it your own way. I just don't think Smith actually had a choice though, he was going to have to do a reinterpretation of the role, but how could you ever follow Williams?

The thing I'm most surprised about with Genie is just how bad the CGI is. It's not like this is something Disney are unfamiliar with. Why did some of it even need to be CGId? I obviously don't know the ins and outs of these techniques or options, but if people can make Robbie Coltrane look larger than life in Harry Potter without mucking it up then why aren't they smurfing Will Smith up and doing the same?

Casting across the rest of the film wasn't such an epic task, Mena Massoud as Aladdin and Navid Negahban as the Sultan hit exactly the right spot. I had issues with Jafar, that's nothing to do with Marwan Kenzari's acting which was very good, but it was the fact that in my head Jafar should have been older. (Dream casting: Ben Kingsley.) I'm sure I won't be popular saying this but I didn't really like Naomi Scott as Jasmine, I don't think she brought enough sass to the role, I also felt that some of the new inclusions into the film around Jasmine negatively affected my view of her.

By far and away my favourite from the live action cast was Nasim Pedrad as Dalia, Jasmine's lady in waiting. I don't know why they felt the need to bring this character in, but I'm really glad they did. She's funny and a welcome break in some scenes. She completely outshines Jasmine as almost every point in the film... actually, I retract the word "almost". While I might not be happy about part of her character's story (ask me for the spoilers) she was definitely the best added extra in the film.


Our group of sidekicks, Abu, Iago, Rajah and Carpet all come out with varying degrees of success. Abu wasn't entirely lucky with the CGI and didn't get such a fun part as before. Iago was much more bird-like than previously which meant less actual talking so I have to wonder why they hired Alan Tudyk if they weren't going to use him properly. Rajah while less quizzical than in the original was entertaining and luckily wasn't mutilated by the CGI. Carpet though, I loved Carpet. He was super cute and absolutely adorable with Abu.

I'm not going to go over every change they made to the original, but one tweak particularly bugged me. They change the way that Aladdin gets out of the cave of wonders. The verbal trickery that Aladdin uses in the original is gone and they switch it out for a much more deceitful moment. The idea isn't as clever as its predecessor and also means that later in the film when Aladdin tricks Jafar you don't get that same connection, watching Genie working out what was going on was painful viewing.

I can't really put off talking about the songs anymore.

As trailers and sneak peeks appeared online I became increasingly nervous about the songs. Prince Ali seemed to be less upbeat than before, and while the sequence looked like it had potential all of it together didn't feel as vibrant. I appreciate that they tried to keep all those little Genie added extra in but it felt like they went with a "safe" option.

I enjoy Will Smith's singing, but I'm not a fan of it in this. I don't think the change in style is suited to these songs. I've seen people saying about how he's rapping in it... but I wouldn't have identified it as rapping. If anything it felt like they went "you should get some rapping in there, but we're Disney so tone it down... a lot."

We get a new offering on the soundtrack in the shape of Speechless, Jasmine's empowering song. I like the song, it certainly has the Disney vibe, and Scott sings it beautifully... but it didn't give me those goosebumps that I expect from power songs. I probably would have given the song a pass had it not been for the way it was included in the film. The frozen scenes with Jasmine dramatically moving in and out of the cast and set... ugh... that just didn't work for me.

Massoud had originally given me so much hope for the music when I heard One Jump Ahead at the beginning. It was excellent, and throughout the film I loved his singing.

Here's where my opinion changed a bit after my second visit... the songs weren't all as bad as I'd felt after the first viewing. I still didn't enjoy Genie's offering, but Aladdin and Jasmine both felt like an excellent choice. The main thing that didn't change was the fact that I didn't feel the songs fit well into the scenes. Part of the draw of Disney is the toe-tapping singalong vibe you get from the music, and there was a lack of pizzaz in most of the sequences that left my toes untapped.

I could probably go on for a very long time about this film. (I already have.) Ultimately, I don't think it's an improvement on the original, I don't think these modern rehashes really add a lot when you have to adjust for the modern culture. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take the changing times into consideration, I just think you should do it in a way that doesn't just come across as trying to score points with the audience to prove how "with it" you are. I also don't think that coming up with 30 minutes of extra footage is ever a sensible idea. If that's what you want to do then perhaps you need to really mix things up and come up with a whole new concept for the story.

What you should do

You're either a Disney nut or you're not. Personally, I would recommend staying at home and having a binge of old Disney classics, starting with the one true Genie.

Movie thing you wish you could take home

Could I get Genie powers without the itty-bitty living space?
  
Rescuing Robin Hood
Rescuing Robin Hood
2021 | Medieval
I have a secret to tell you all. I love the Robin Hood IP, even though my only real knowledge of it comes from the “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” movies. I have never read the story, nor have I ever watched the Errol Flynn movie. So why do I love Robin Hood so much? I really can’t tell you for sure, it just seems like such a fun theme with lots of characters and an interesting central plot. So how does this quasi-deck-builder fare? Faire? I think fare. Let’s find out.

Rescuing Robin Hood is a cooperative card drafting and deck building game with multiple value usage on each card and, at least in my very first play, the humbling experience of having over 20 guards protecting the Sheriff of Nottingham. Players will win once Robin Hood is rescued, but may achieve an ultimate victory by defeating the Sheriff and his guard detail.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign launching November 10, 2020, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


To setup, follow the setup suggestion in the rulebook. The game should roughly look how it is below in the photo. Roughly. The components include cards for Nottingham Castle, the Sheriff, his guards, Robin Hood, his band of Merry Men, other recruitable villagers, and a Tracker Card. Along with all the cards, inside the box are tracker cubes and ability chips. Once the game is setup, determine the starting player and the game may begin!
A game of Rescuing Robin Hood lasts five rounds (or “days” to rescue the hero from being executed). Each round has players dealing four cards from their draw decks and using these four villagers in conjunction with their chosen Merry Men character card to create values on the Tracker Card for Wit, Stealth, Brawn, and Jolliness. Some villagers or characters will also provide the player with ability chips to be used during the turn. These include Prayer (which can move guards from one group to another, or eliminate a guard entirely – the power of prayer is REAL), Cookery (which can be used to increase the values of Wit, Stealth, or Brawn by +2 for each chip), and Scouting (which allows a player to reveal a face-down guard card in any group).

Once the active player has adjusted all their values they wish, they may now begin attacking guards. Per the setup card for each round a group of guards are holding villagers captive and they must be defeated in order to free the villagers to be recruited to players’ decks. In order to defeat a guard or entire groups of guards, players will be attacking twice using their Wit, Stealth, and/or Brawn values.

To attack with Wit, the active player will determine which group of guards they will attack and target the face-up guard at the end of the group. If defeated, the player will reduce their total Wit by the value of Wit they expended to defeat the first guard. Should they wish to continue attacking guards with Wit, they must state this before flipping the next guard face-up. This adds the push-your-luck element to the game. Should the player wish to stop, the guards are defeated. Should the player bust, the entire collection of guards previously outwitted are added back to the group face-up to be defeated by another player or by the same player using a different attack method.

If the active player wishes to use Stealth to attack guards, they must choose a group of guards and pick them off one by one. Using their total Stealth value and decreasing it with each successful attack, the player will choose one or more (face-up or face-down) guards to attack. Again, should they succeed the guards will be defeated and removed from play. Should the player bust by attempting to pick off too many guards, then all guards are added back to the group face-up.

Using Brawn to attack guards requires the active player to choose a group of guards and attack the ENTIRE group using their Brawn value. Should the player succeed in defeating all guards in the group (no matter the size of the group) then all guards are removed from play. If the player fails, as always, the guards are returned to the group to taunt the next player.

Active players will be able to attack guards twice on a turn but must use two different attack methods. Should the player end their turn with remaining Brawn or Jolliness values, those values will be passed along to the next player in turn order to be used. Additionally, should the next player end their turn with Brawn or Jolliness, they will be passed to the next player and so on.


At the end of each round villagers that were freed of guards during the round will be drafted to players’ decks. At the end of round 2 and 4 players’ decks will be thinned by choosing which villagers stay and which will aid the players in the final round. The final round of Rescuing Robin Hood pits the players against the walls of Nottingham Castle, a Courtyard full of guards, and even Sheriff Nottingham and his personal guards. Again, should the players defeat the Castle walls and Courtyard, they free Robin Hood and win the game. If the players are feeling particularly confident they may also challenge the Sheriff for ultimate victory.
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game using prototype components. That said, the components we received are truly excellent. Firstly, the art style throughout the game is crisp and colorful and a lot of fun. Some of the names of the villagers are downright silly and punny and I absolutely love that. The cards are all wonderful, and the cubes are normal game cubes (not Nintendo-related), and hopefully they will be upgraded via a successful Kickstarter campaign. All in all the components are great and the art is quite enjoyable.

So do I like Rescuing Robin Hood? Oh yes, quite a bit! This game exercises my brain so much without having to labor for minutes on end creating strategies and alternate strategies. I enjoy being able to just barrel into a group of guards and take out the entire swath of them using my extreme Brawniness. Need to pump up before a fight? Well obviously I’ll use up my Jolliness to boost my confidence or narrow my concentration. I purposely omitted several rules so as not to bog down my review any further, but there are so many interesting little flecks of mechanics working together to create a cohesive gaming experience and it is simply delicious.

While Rescuing Robin Hood is not incredibly heavy, there are tons of choices to be made and risks to be taken to achieve ultimate victory. I enjoy being able to tailor my deck with powerful villagers, or specialize in two attack values to unload on guards. Having players that use interesting mixes of Merry Men characters also increases the enjoyment as this game is absolutely cooperative and players may assist each other in many ways. Need some extra Wit for your turn coming up? Here, let me pass along my extra Jolliness to you to use. Want some Cookery too? Go ahead, I’ve got plenty to share. Oh, such great feelings at the table being able to share resources like this.

So I urge you, dear reader, to check out the Kickstarter campaign for Rescuing Robin Hood. If you enjoy lighter (but not tooooo light) cooperative, card drafting, deck building games with a great theme, you need to pick up a copy of Rescuing Robin Hood. I didn’t see Blinkin or Ahchoo in the game, but that’s not to say Castillo Games doesn’t have these hiding in stretch goals (I really don’t know if they are in the plans, but they SHOULD be).
  
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A Bibliophagist (113 KP) rated Throne of Glass in Books

Feb 5, 2020 (Updated Feb 5, 2020)  
Throne of Glass
Throne of Glass
Sarah J. Maas | 2012 | Children, Fiction & Poetry
4
8.7 (91 Ratings)
Book Rating
Good start (2 more)
Good finish
Intial character introductions
Formulaic (1 more)
Celeana never does anything she says she can do
Something special ruined by the YA formula
This is another tough one to review, primarily because it started so good for me, then just ended as a whimper.
 
  First of all, this was one of my "force myself out of my norm" picks. I forced myself to pick two popular books, that didn't interest me, and give them a chance. This was the biggest "no interest" pick. The cover alone is just so bad I was embarrassed to be buying it at the bookstore by the art school I work at. What if one of my Illustration students see, will I be deemed unworthy to teach them if I buy a book so ugly and anatomically incorrect? Like seriously, why is her torso so long. Is she just insanely tall? Is she hunched or does she have no neck? It's just... awful.
   
   Also, it's a genre I don't gel well with, fantasy just isn't my jam, I get so mad that SciFi is always lumped in with Fantasy. So, the perfect choice I suppose.
  
     When I first started, I texted my partner and told him "holy crap, I actually am enjoying this". I was shocked, surprised. So far the YA darling of a book wasn't stereotypically YA. The main character was deep and interesting and had a thick backstory. Yea they've already introduced two perfectly perfect love interested for her, but whatever, this is actually interesting.
 
    The book follows the acclaimed assassin, Calaena, young, utterly gorgeous and snarky, deadly. In theory a textbook YA heroine. But she is far from a Mary Sue (in the beginning) her backstory is interesting and rich. She's hardened by a year in prison death labor camp. A camp she is offered freedom from if she accepts the Prince's offer; his father wants a "champion" (aka a dubious person to assassinate and otherwise do his dirty work) and she is the Prince's pick. Should she accept, she'll go against other noble's picks and participate in a competition proving their worth. The winner gets freedom and serves as the champion for X amount of years. Losers go back to whatever prison or hole they crawled out of. So while Celeana doesn't much want to be a lackey to some Princeling or King, she doesn't want to go back to the death labor camp either.

    So if you can't tell already, enter love interest #1, the sassy, broody Prince Dorian. Perfect in all ways, except for birthright. Could someone like Celeana ever love him? Dun Dun DUnnnnn. Also enter love interest 2, captain of the guard Chaol, the prince's childhood friend, quiet, introverted, job-focused. Doesn't trust her at all, but could she break him down? What will happen if two best friends fall for the same saucy assassin? DUN DUN DUNNNN
 
    So obviously, she accepts, and is taken to the great glass palace to await the competition, where we have a veritable Beauty and the Beast situation, she's provided lavish accommodation, beautiful dresses, and sadly starts to become a Mary Sue. But not quite yet, first, we get some actually really interesting story, hints at the world we're in, going through a once magical forest, with something in the night leaving flowers at the foot of Celeana's bed, hinting at perhaps her lineage being more magical than we think. We also get introduced to the competition, a lineup of stereotypical gruff dudes, with the bad guy being so obvious he might as well as a spotlight on him (unfortunately this book doesn't really have a twist). Also, enter love interest 3? I utilize the question mark because this one isn't really persued, but feels like it's meant to be something. A handsome, young, way too nice unsavory that she aligns herself with. No one knows who she is, and she goes under a pseudonym while in the palace, hoping to make people underestimate her. The first parts of the competition are interesting, the book is actually conscious of how out of shape she'd be, and takes pains to be detailed (sometimes overly detailed, like the page about her period, I'm in no means ashamed of my period, but the page literally did nothing but further the stereotype that we are completely immobile and need a day off while on it. I wish the author impowered Celeana by having her be in pain, but still be a badass).

    As the competition progresses, however, competitors begin dying in gruesome ways, that aren't related to the competition. Concern rises, and whispers of the old magic are everywhere. Celeana now needs to survive this competition, survive whatever is killing her competitors, and solve the mystery happening in the castle. Oh and of course, figure out how to go to that ball and which boy she wants.
  
     Unfortunately, after the first competition-related thing, this book started going downhill for me. Gone was this interest main character, and replaced was a stereotypical Mary Sue that forgets she's an assassin a lot. She rarely does anything Assasin like actually, beyond some internal dialogue in which she thinks about assasin things. It goes from describing the competition to suddenly being like "there were two more trials, Celeana rocked them" skipping ahead a glossing over the competition entirely, choosing instead to focus on the growing tension between her and the two boys, and dangling the very obvious bad guy in front of us as if we're going to be ever so surprised when we find out it's exactly who we thought it was. I want those trials, I want to know what happened and see her thoughts, something to remind me she's an assassin and not a giggling school girl more than ready for court life. Having stereotypical scenes of playing Billiards and Dorian holding her to show her how to do it. Don't even get me started on the Billiards, a fantasy book, using freak in billiards, make up a game for goodness sake, but to utilize a surprisingly modern game in a high fantasy setting made me laugh out loud for the wrong reasons. She gets a puppy, that hates everyone but her, befriends a badass princess (the most interesting thing in this book) and fights off some baddies. Too bad most of the focus was on the rushed, completely chemistry-free relationship between her and Dorian, they see each other like 4 times and are willing to give everything up for each other, it's painful. Honestly, even when I let my mind lapse into YA mode and allow myself to enjoy a fun YA romance, this is not how to do it. Also, Team Chaol all the way.

    So the competition takes a considerable step back, and so does my interest. I would argue that the concept in this story is solid and interesting, but executed poorly, which is odd because the beginning proves to be the author can write well, it just feels like she second-guessed herself and decided to stop doing an actually interesting story and instead focus on being stereotypically YA. But there are little gems in here, an interesting world is hinted at, likable and interesting characters are glimpsed in the beginning before she lost interest in developing them. An undercurrent of well thought out mystery and magic. But all of these things took a backseat to fulfil the YA formula instead. I'm going to read the next book just to see if this world becomes more of the focus, but if it doesn't I'll have to stop, this series is just way too long to deal with the same formula over and over.

    She almost got me, she was so close, I just wish this book had been consistent and focused on the plot. I wish she had let Celeana be the strong character she implied in the beginning rather than a stereotypical YA girl. I get she was fulfilling the life she never had, but in a situation where she needed to really be HER to get her freedom, it just doesn't feel like the appropriate time for wish fulfillment I wish, if there had to be romance, it had more oomf, made me feel things, made me care. Unfortunately, it didn't have these things, so this book was a bit of a flop for me. So I'm hoping, she'll prove me wrong in the second one, and let the story I see she's made and spent loving time on shine, rather than hide it underneath the guaranteed to sell formula plaguing young adult books.
  
If I Stay (2014)
If I Stay (2014)
2014 | Drama
The film's "live or die" premise is dumb, dangerous, and downright offensive. (4 more)
A totally lousy and illogical love story that lacks any heart.
The dialogue is almost as bad as Adam's 8-year-old-grade-level music lyrics.
It's far too frustrating and bland to be emotionally effective. The only pity I felt was for myself for having to sit through it for two hours.
If I Stay is unforgivable and reprehensible garbage. It should be avoided like the plague.
Had I not seen this film with a friend, it would have been the first movie I’ve ever walked out of. I haven’t hated a movie this much all year. If I Stay disappoints and offends on nearly every conceivable level.
Imagine yourself in a situation where your whole life is turned upside-down in an instant, and nothing will ever be the same again. That’s the troubling position young Mia Hall is faced with in If I Stay, after her and her family are involved in a terrible car accident. Mia wakes up from the crash, only to discover that she’s having some sort of transcendental experience, where she sees her own lifeless body being treated by paramedics. In her ghost-like form, no one is able to see or hear her, leaving her helpless as she watches her tragedy unfold. The devastating crash put her into a comatose state, and as she teeters on the verge of life and death, she’s informed by her nurse that whether or not she lives is entirely predicated on her will to survive. Based on the young adult novel by Gayle Forman, If I Stay asks us if life is still worth living even when all hope appears to be lost. Whether it’s really even worth it to endure life’s cruel hardship and heartache, and to muster the courage to face another day.

Well, if you answered that question with a resounding “yes!”, then like me, you’ll probably find this movie to be pretty darn stupid. Actually, regardless of your opinion on the matter, I think it would be hard for anyone to escape the fact that this movie is pretty darn stupid. However, as much as I find the central question of the movie to be absurd and even offensive, it didn’t detract from my interest in seeing the film. So let’s not make the assumption that I disliked this movie from the get-go, because that’s really just not true. Even though I may disagree with it, I can certainly sympathize with the idea of a teenager who is experiencing a life-shattering trauma and is afraid to continue living on afterward. However, I would personally argue that she hasn’t actually experienced any of that at all. She’s living in an extra dimensional safe-zone. Her horror can’t be real unless she makes it real by returning to life to face it. To look at it another way, couldn’t we say that if she chose death instead, that she never would have experienced the tragedy at all since she was stuck in a coma, and that she would be dead without ever knowing the fate of her family? That’s what I think, though I’ll admit it’s rather complicated as it draws upon unanswerable questions. To be frank, it’s a bogus scenario for a bogus movie that isn’t even worthy of that much thought, and clearly wasn’t ever given that much thought.

Before I digress on this topic, I’d like to look into a few of its implications, because I think it’s sending a terrible and dangerous message to its viewers, particularly the teenagers it’s targeted to. Basically, I believe the film is implying that death is a perfectly okay alternative to facing an undesirable change. I find that very idea to be immoral, irresponsible, and horribly atrocious. “Sorry your dad died, Timmy. If you can’t bear to live another day and want to end it all right here, well that’s okay with us. We understand and we won’t judge!” Are you kidding me? What kind of a message are they trying to send here? “Bad day? Just give up! Things are great here in Heaven! Join us today!” Is that really what they’re trying to tell us? How is anyone possibly okay with this? The film is essentially preaching that killing yourself is a perfectly acceptable option when life gets hard, and I have a really big problem with that. Whether we want to think about it or not, suicide is always an option we have in life, but that doesn’t mean that we should encourage it or try to pretend that it’s ever a favorable opportunity. Mia doesn’t even know what life will be like if she wakes up because she hasn’t lived it yet. Her fears are fully based off of negative assumptions. Yeah, maybe things will be really hard if she comes out of her coma. Maybe she’ll wish she was dead. Or maybe she’ll go through some difficult times, but then maybe things will get better and she’ll pick up the pieces and end up living a wonderful and happy life. Had she actually endured this new life and struggled with thoughts about suicide, I think it would have made for a far more compelling narrative, rather than all of this hypothetic nonsense. Either way, good or bad, life goes on. It’s up to us to adapt to it. Where there is hope, there is always possibility. With all that said, I would still contend that If I Stay’s premise is only the tip of the iceberg of its problems. This supposed tear-jerked failed to stir up any sympathy or sadness from me, and there are a few major reasons why.

First of all, it completely fails as a love story. The film is almost entirely devoid of romance, and has no believable connection between Mia and her boyfriend, Adam. Rather than being a Prince Charming type, Adam’s mostly just a jerk that she shouldn’t be wasting her time with in the first place. Yet the movie tries to make you believe that it’s love, and that this is what all normal relationships are like. It’s a complete crock. Movies like this give girls a false understanding of what love should be, and I find that to be an unforgivable offense. Adam’s the local hot shot rocker who falls for Mia, the talented young cello player who aspires to go to the renowned music school Julliard in New York. Adam manages to win her heart and the two of them start dating. Unfortunately though, their relationship can be pretty unpleasant to watch. Adam’s living the life of a local rock star and is blindly dragging Mia along for the ride, introducing the sweet, young girl to a world of parties, sex, and alcohol. Adam’s utterly oblivious to her disinterest in such a lifestyle and he rarely shows any concern for her feelings anyway. Yet she’s so foolishly committed to him that she follows this path of corruption, all for a guy who only thinks about himself. I thought this was supposed to be a love story, but it’s severely lacking in the love department. Just because Adam occasionally does something nice, we’re supposed to think he’s a good guy and forgive him for the majority of the time when he’s a lousy boyfriend and a loser? Of course, how romantic! Their whole relationship is lifeless and immensely frustrating. If living with him was my alternative to death, believe me, I’d choose death without hesitation.

Had I not seen this film with a friend, it would have been the first movie I’ve ever walked out of. I haven’t hated a movie this much all year. Even with my friend there, I still thought about leaving, then had a good laugh about the film’s title being so perfectly appropriate, as I contemplated to myself whether or not I should go. As much as I wanted to leave, I stuck it out all the way to the end. Then the entire audience ended up laughing at the ending, which goes to show I was far from the only one that thought this movie was a complete joke and waste of time. I had more than a few laughs at the film’s expense, from its dumb and derivative dialogue, to the way Chloe Grace Moretz slightly crosses her eyes whenever she’s upset. While I think I still remained open-minded about the film despite my issues with the story, I really don’t think the film itself was any good, nor does it appear to serve any purpose. Seriously, what’s the point of this movie? To give people hope that you can overcome obstacles in life? To justify suicide? I don’t know. Halfway through the movie, I was so disengaged from it that I was imagining how fun it would be to do cartwheels in the theater. That must be the lesson that I learned from all this. Well, that and to steer clear of crummy musicians, I suppose. While I’ve heard a lot of praise about the film’s soundtrack, I thought Adam’s band was quite horrendous. They do have a moment of redemption when they cover a Smashing Pumpkins song, which may have been the only good moment in this otherwise pitiful movie. I also found the lyrics of that song to be unusually appropriate to my misery when they said, “I’ll rip my eyes out, before I get out.” It’s almost funny that this might have been the only moment of the movie I could actually relate to: the thought of ripping my eyes out before being able to leave.


If I Stay is a movie that disappoints and offends on nearly every conceivable level. The saddest thing about this film is that garbage like this actually exists. Its pro-death agenda is just plain horrible and ill-conceived. It also troubles me greatly to think that teenage girls might watch this film and think that Mia and Adam’s tumultuous relationship is a desirable model of love. Lastly, I’d like to note that the If I Stay novel does have a follow-up book titled Where She Went. Wherever she goes, I sure hope it’s not back to theaters. If I have to sit through another If I Stay movie, I might just give up on life myself.

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 9.5.14.)