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Sassy Brit (97 KP) rated Love, Secrets and Absolution in Books
Jun 6, 2019
^^ Told from alternative viewpoints, Love, Secrets and Absolution is an emotional story revolving around the lives of a couple, Grace and Paul, who are trying to come to terms with the stresses and strains of bringing up an autistic child. But what makes this story different is how it’s set at a time which coincides with the Nottingham miners strikes of the 80s, where pit closures and pay restraints led to unofficial strikes, job losses and violence. Harsh times to say the least. This added a new dimension to the story, and of course, more pressure for Paul, and ultimately the whole family. They were terrible times in Britain, a lot of families suffered because of it.
^^ Right from the beginning we see young Alfie is different to other children. The author, K. L.oveley, helps show us this, by what I thought was a highly unusual technique- giving baby and toddler versions of Alfie his own voice.
^^ I must admit at first I was thinking, this doesn’t sound like a baby. After all, very young babies are not able to communicate in such a coherent manner. However, as I read further, I saw how Alfie’s voice as a child — seeing things differently from his POV — really helped to provide a deeper look into his inner thoughts and feelings. A fresh and unique approach, which revealed his own perspective of how he didn’t fit in with other kids, even if he was unable to understand the “why” himself. Very clever. It certainly made things clearer for me and highlighted aspects of autism I may have missed otherwise.
^^ Taking the time-period into consideration, I found the portrayal of the teachers and the way they behaved cruelly and professionally towards Alfie and Grace shocking, yet realistic. Back in those days many professionals were not trained to spot differences and learning difficulties in the way they are today. To outsiders who didn’t understand what Alfie was going though and thinking, he did just look like a trouble maker. Nowadays we know better and there is an ever-growing awareness and understanding of the many different spectrums of autism.
^^ Alfie’s father, Paul, may not have won the best dad of the year award, but I felt he was a realistic representation of a man living and working in a very masculine environment, where men were largely regarded as the breadwinners of the household and job scarcity was a huge issue. He didn’t know how to handle Alfie, and in a way you can’t blame him for that. Not everyone is capable of being a really good parent, especially when their own life has turned upside down in a blink of an eye.
^^ There’s also a really good story line around a girl called Magenta, which I felt helped strengthen both Alfie and Grace’s bond. A lovely touch. As was Grace’s newfound strength and courage, which really made this story become more than just gloom and doom. Her steadfast devotion to her son is both amazing and commendable, and I enjoyed seeing how she turned her life around.
Overall: This thought-provoking book is as much about relationships, as it is autism. We see the hopes and dreams of a young family shattered by a lack of communication, misunderstandings and even betrayal. Yet, despite all the struggles and heartache this family go through, we discover the true power of love; how it can heal, comfort and carry us forward through the toughest of times. A heart-warming, memorable and most satisfying read.
Now I must admit that I sometimes find it very difficult to give a star rating to a self-help book as actually reading the book is only part of the therapy that it provides. In order to give a fully accurate rating the book would have to be read, the constructive ideas written within the pages followed and carried out wholeheartedly and a realistic amount of time left to pass for recovery. As I have only finished reading this book today I have not had time to really go through the processes that are outlined in this book, therefore, I do not know how much this book will actually have an impact on my life BUT I am willing to work my way through the suggestions.
I borrowed this book from the library (I find some self-help books to be over priced and there are just so many out there that you often don't know exactly what you're buying) so I am not able to refer back to this copy time and time again throughout recovery like this book suggests you do (unless I decide to purchase a copy) and so quite a few of the processes will have to be carried out using memory, which I know isn't often advised.
The reason for my high rating is because I found this book to be completely different to any other self help book that I have read in the past. Often these books outline the same sort of processes so you keep being fed the same sort of information but this book seems to have a more relaxed approach to dealing with stress, anxiety and depression...and in some ways a more realistic approach. It teaches you the methods of 'floating' not 'facing', 'accepting' not 'fighting' and 'comfort' not 'conflict'.
I am definitely not a stranger to anxiety and depression and so for a long time I have been actively searching for ways in which these 'illnesses' can be 'cured' or made less intense. This book has definitely helped me in the sense that it has given me a completely different perspective compared to what I had before reading this book. Stress and depression can cause you to be a lot less open minded than you perhaps used to be and being accepting of new ideas and view points may seem very daunting, however, when ideas are presented in this book Dr Weekes gives examples about how the sufferer may be feeling once presented with an idea (personally I found her to be pretty spot on) and so you are given a sense of relief that someone out there knows what you are going through and that she has helped many people in similar situations.
The book also contains numerous 'Case Studies', where Dr Weekes gives examples of some of her clients, their problems, their emotions, their coping strategies and the feedback that she provides for them. The 'life problems' discussed are very broad and so you may find that one might be similar to your current situation, a situation you have been in or perhaps even a situation that you are frightened you might end up in in the near or distant future.
My retraction of 1/2 a star wasn't because this book has any negative aspects but simply because I am yet to fully explore it's full potential and to put it into practice, as mentioned earlier on in my review.
I find that just knowing that someone is there 'talking to you' and 'guiding' you in the right direction is comforting and kind of relaxing in a way...a helping hand, to turn that frown upside down.