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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) in Movies
Jul 4, 2021
One of the most proudly and spectacularly nerdy things I've ever seen - filled to the brim with seemingly endless gadgetry, weapons, flashbacks, melodrama, underground/hidden lairs, explosions, costumes, and "oh my God I can't believe they're actually doing this" action scenes. And just like that two hours flies right by. I'm usually pointedly averse to this sort of routine guy-saves-the-day-then-gets-the-girl blockbuster crap from this era - but there's such an overload of visual tech-fetish creativity thrown at the screen that you'd really have to watch it twice to even absorb it all, and beyond that something just clicks here. The clear disdain from Tatum - who has never been worse - because he really doesn't want to be here is hysterical, and the rest of this absolutely loaded cast turn in similarly appetizing corniness from Quaid's trademark commandeering to Wayans' canned comedic relief. The tropes feel lovingly recreated rather than haphazardly slapped together, there's a refreshing feeling of sincerity that makes its fun factor way more authentic than other films of the breed. Still a bit on the clean side (more specifically of-its-time) to properly rise to the heights it deserves, but oh baby this is a blast and a half. Really good Michael Bay ripoff junk food that does a helluva lot with that PG-13 rating.
David McK (3194 KP) rated The Long Walk in Books
Nov 13, 2022
I like going for long walks.
Not sure I'd like to participate in The Long Walk, though!
An early King novel, writing under the pseudonym Richard Bachamn, this is (or was, I think, at the time of writing) a near-future-set dystopian novel where the national pastime has become The Long Walk that happens once a year, where 100 teenager contestants (all male, although I don't know whether that's part of the rules or not!) participate in The Long Walk: basically, walk for days on end without being allowed to drop below a certain pace (4 miles per hour), and with 3 warnings given before you're out for good.
Out out, as in that (more modern) episode of Dr Who with the Weakest Link ripoff - shot by the soldiers pacing the Walkers in their relative safety and comfort.
The novel, as a whole, relies on character development, which there is no denying happens throughout. I just wish, well, that something actually *happened* (apart from a few brief scenes), and that more background had been given into how this state of affairs came about.
It also has a very open-ended 'ending' (it just sort of stops), which is a matter of taste whether you prefer that or not - personally, I could have done with a bit more clarity around that!
Not sure I'd like to participate in The Long Walk, though!
An early King novel, writing under the pseudonym Richard Bachamn, this is (or was, I think, at the time of writing) a near-future-set dystopian novel where the national pastime has become The Long Walk that happens once a year, where 100 teenager contestants (all male, although I don't know whether that's part of the rules or not!) participate in The Long Walk: basically, walk for days on end without being allowed to drop below a certain pace (4 miles per hour), and with 3 warnings given before you're out for good.
Out out, as in that (more modern) episode of Dr Who with the Weakest Link ripoff - shot by the soldiers pacing the Walkers in their relative safety and comfort.
The novel, as a whole, relies on character development, which there is no denying happens throughout. I just wish, well, that something actually *happened* (apart from a few brief scenes), and that more background had been given into how this state of affairs came about.
It also has a very open-ended 'ending' (it just sort of stops), which is a matter of taste whether you prefer that or not - personally, I could have done with a bit more clarity around that!
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Foodfight! (2012) in Movies
Sep 21, 2020
"๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐บ, ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐บ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฅ... ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ค๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ."
Anti-cinema. Furry propaganda that bastardizes random corporate logos into hideous background characters for a crude mixture of ripoff film noir, shit-looking ๐๐ฐ๐บ ๐๐ต๐ฐ๐ณ๐บ and... the Nazi Party? Sort of genius. But also the most compact measurable example of going through the Kรผbler-Ross five stages of grief. The best thing you can do with butt-ugly, endlessly questionable, ultra-filtered garbaggio like this is not to futilely attempt to reject its offerings into the minds of twisted, twisted individuals - but to fully embrace and accept it as a tonic, to make you feel better about yourself. One big hilariously bad sexual thrust of a children's film that isn't - in any capacity - suitable for children; at one point there's an extended 'steamy' dance routine where Dex Dogtective and Lady X strongly attempt to both fuck *and* kill each other at the same time. Horrible, half-finished food puns like "Let's strawberry jam outta here" and "Frankly my dear, I don't give a Spam" spin back into some kind of stupid subversion. Cold, lifeless, perturbing eyes staring back at you with an ominous silence that makes one want to crawl out of their own skin (pretty sure this triggered my fight-or-flight response multiple times over). Also the last 30 minutes is a sustained barrage of disgustingly rendered CGI puss. A closer experience to ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐๐ช๐ฆ than it thinks.
Anti-cinema. Furry propaganda that bastardizes random corporate logos into hideous background characters for a crude mixture of ripoff film noir, shit-looking ๐๐ฐ๐บ ๐๐ต๐ฐ๐ณ๐บ and... the Nazi Party? Sort of genius. But also the most compact measurable example of going through the Kรผbler-Ross five stages of grief. The best thing you can do with butt-ugly, endlessly questionable, ultra-filtered garbaggio like this is not to futilely attempt to reject its offerings into the minds of twisted, twisted individuals - but to fully embrace and accept it as a tonic, to make you feel better about yourself. One big hilariously bad sexual thrust of a children's film that isn't - in any capacity - suitable for children; at one point there's an extended 'steamy' dance routine where Dex Dogtective and Lady X strongly attempt to both fuck *and* kill each other at the same time. Horrible, half-finished food puns like "Let's strawberry jam outta here" and "Frankly my dear, I don't give a Spam" spin back into some kind of stupid subversion. Cold, lifeless, perturbing eyes staring back at you with an ominous silence that makes one want to crawl out of their own skin (pretty sure this triggered my fight-or-flight response multiple times over). Also the last 30 minutes is a sustained barrage of disgustingly rendered CGI puss. A closer experience to ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐๐ช๐ฆ than it thinks.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Phoenix Forgotten (2017) in Movies
Sep 19, 2020
For what it's worth this is incredibly, incredibly convincing for what it is. The problem is that it's actually *too* convincing - this is so caught up in crafting a dead-ringer documentary (albeit admirably so) that it forgets to actually put horror movie stuff in too until the last act when this type of movie is required to spiral out of control. Essentially a beat-for-beat ripoff of all three Blair Witch movies but with aliens instead of the witch, honestly not a terrible concept and this still ends up being way better than at least one of those films anyway. Decently immersive, brisk, and engaging for the dirt cheap prices you can find this for even if it never fully sells itself on its premise. On the one hand I appreciate that this never (bar one sole time) jumps the gun by throwing in cheap jump scares before the buildup has set in (a rarity with these things) but that buildup just lasts too damn long, no excuses. Super well put together but it needed a lot less (or at least more fleshed-out) docu-stuff with that crushingly blandass lead (who conveniently is the only less-than-perfect performance in a film chock full of expert ones [particularly Chelsea Lopez, who gives a tour de force one]) and more eerie found footage stuff with the teens. Eventually turns into exactly what you'd expect. Far from that bad, but still a shame.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Project Almanac (2015) in Movies
Sep 20, 2020
Dumb-as-nails but unpretentious CW teen soap opera reimagining of a time travel film - in which the machine itself is built using parts from an Xbox 360 and there are prominent slo-mo shots of Red Bull cans flying through the air. And what's the most noteworthy thing they do with the power of time travel right at their fingertips? Go to an Imagine Dragons concert, of course! Seems like it hates its own existence, no question about it - this was only made to sell tickets and that's it. But there's something really stupidly fun about it - maybe it's the neurotic nature of each element (from the acting to the camerawork to the cutting to the writing etc), or the fact that people record a good chunk of this pointlessly (but thankfully) found footage Chronicle ripoff with their smartphones yet they still make the clunky old camera sounds? And when they *do* record with the 10+ year old camcorder (which still takes tape btw) it's somehow pristine HD quality? I also really have to appreciate that so much of this is dedicated to the actual anxiety of making the machine itself, too - rather than jumping right into the travel stuff. Kind of falls off when this becomes another lame YA romance deal but even then it's still so confidently dumb and committed to its daft premise that I had to admire it somewhat. Also whenever they turn the machine on and everything starts floating and spinning that shit is cool as fuck and you know it.
Caitlin Ann Cherniak (85 KP) rated Pete's Dragon (2016) in Movies
Oct 4, 2018
CGI (2 more)
Acting choice
Interesting twist to a retelling
Plot? Dragon being real or save the environment? (2 more)
Who's the bad guy?
Where was Pete the whole dang time?
Letterboxd review: https://letterboxd.com/caitcher/film/petes-dragon-2016/
First impressions video:
When I first saw this movie two years ago, I thought it was okay at best. There were plenty of good things about it, but there are the downsides that kinda take over.
The first thing I noticed was the plot. I haven't seen the original movie, but considering this was Disney in the 70's, it looked charming as Disney should. But because this is a live-action retelling, we can't have that luxury. I didn't ask for Pete's Dragon to do much. I just asked for it to be a good movie. However, throughout the entire time, I think this movie didn't know what it wanted to be about either. Did it wanna be the ripoff of a 90's "save the environment" flick or did it actually wanna be like the original involving Pete's actual existence? Hence why I called this movie a pancake to my family after coming home from seeing it. It constantly flips on the cooking pan, and it won't stop.
But what are the good things after my bad things "rant." First of all, I really liked how Pete got along with the main family, especially the daughter. It was an adorable relationship and all of the actors'...well, acting was the way it should've been. The soundtrack was also pretty decent, despite the fact that this retelling was not a musical. Lastly, the CGI on Pete actually made him look adorable and scary at the same time considering the tone of the film, which worked in its favor.
If you want more details, feel free to click on my other review links at the top of this review.
First impressions video:
When I first saw this movie two years ago, I thought it was okay at best. There were plenty of good things about it, but there are the downsides that kinda take over.
The first thing I noticed was the plot. I haven't seen the original movie, but considering this was Disney in the 70's, it looked charming as Disney should. But because this is a live-action retelling, we can't have that luxury. I didn't ask for Pete's Dragon to do much. I just asked for it to be a good movie. However, throughout the entire time, I think this movie didn't know what it wanted to be about either. Did it wanna be the ripoff of a 90's "save the environment" flick or did it actually wanna be like the original involving Pete's actual existence? Hence why I called this movie a pancake to my family after coming home from seeing it. It constantly flips on the cooking pan, and it won't stop.
But what are the good things after my bad things "rant." First of all, I really liked how Pete got along with the main family, especially the daughter. It was an adorable relationship and all of the actors'...well, acting was the way it should've been. The soundtrack was also pretty decent, despite the fact that this retelling was not a musical. Lastly, the CGI on Pete actually made him look adorable and scary at the same time considering the tone of the film, which worked in its favor.
If you want more details, feel free to click on my other review links at the top of this review.
Matthew Krueger (10051 KP) rated Knives Out (2019) in Movies
Dec 9, 2019
The Donut Hole
Contains spoilers, click to show
So i watched the trailer and i really liked it and i went in thinking it will be really good and i would really enjoy it. I went thinking that was okay, not the greatest, not the best.
Some Spoilers..
Their are somethings that i liked...
1. Daniel Craig and his southern draw. He was the best in this movie.
2. The Rest of the cast.
3. Some of the comedy.
4. The Action
5. The Donut Joke, this to me was the best part of the movie.
Their are something that i didnt like...
1. Its confusing
2. You really have to invest into the plot to get it.
3. The Ending, how did Daniel Craig figure out all of that shit. He's like this happen than that happen than this happen. Its like how did you figure all of that shit out, least than a hour you said "i have no suspects" and than in the end its like "op you have done it", How!!!
4. Some of the comedy.
5. The Whodunit- this movie is a ripoff of clue. Clue is one of my all time favorite movies and this just said remember clue, where just going to be like that.
6. Wishing that someone else was the villian, i like chris evans but if it was michael shannon or don johnson or jamie lee curis or katherine langord or ana de armas. I would of cared more and gotten inresting more. In the end i was ohh really he done it, could see it a mile awhile, he wasnt in half of the movie, so of course he did it.
Overall Knives Out, to me was way overhyped and way overhyped to be as the next clue. This will never ever be like clue. Clue is 10x better than this. You might of just have waiting for it to come out on dvd.
Some Spoilers..
Their are somethings that i liked...
1. Daniel Craig and his southern draw. He was the best in this movie.
2. The Rest of the cast.
3. Some of the comedy.
4. The Action
5. The Donut Joke, this to me was the best part of the movie.
Their are something that i didnt like...
1. Its confusing
2. You really have to invest into the plot to get it.
3. The Ending, how did Daniel Craig figure out all of that shit. He's like this happen than that happen than this happen. Its like how did you figure all of that shit out, least than a hour you said "i have no suspects" and than in the end its like "op you have done it", How!!!
4. Some of the comedy.
5. The Whodunit- this movie is a ripoff of clue. Clue is one of my all time favorite movies and this just said remember clue, where just going to be like that.
6. Wishing that someone else was the villian, i like chris evans but if it was michael shannon or don johnson or jamie lee curis or katherine langord or ana de armas. I would of cared more and gotten inresting more. In the end i was ohh really he done it, could see it a mile awhile, he wasnt in half of the movie, so of course he did it.
Overall Knives Out, to me was way overhyped and way overhyped to be as the next clue. This will never ever be like clue. Clue is 10x better than this. You might of just have waiting for it to come out on dvd.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Divergent (2014) in Movies
Sep 20, 2020
๐๐ช๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ. Unabashed (better) ๐๐ถ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด ripoff which doesn't just have nothing to say - but worse - it has nothing to say yet *thinks* it has something to say. A fucking terrible metaphor about conformity depicted through surface-level teenage angst and wince-worthy 2014 YA genre tropes while deliberately (and frustratingly) refusing to provide any world-building above routine exposition, but sometimes it's fun! Woodley is pretty crappy but everyone else is solidly engaging, Teller is great as a piece of shit and James is shockingly one of the better 'faceless white beefcake' roles - but of course the winner goes to evil Kate Winslet in full Hillary Clinton mode, pantsuit and all. I fully admit to being enchanted by this movie's stupid little world and it's never unwatchable either, often quite enjoyable - but can we talk about how idiotic of a system this is? You're telling me in order to stop discrimination and foster peace (from some conveniently absent events just known as "the war" [ugh]) they thought it'd be a good idea to make distinctly unconnected factions based on - essentially - a Buzzfeed "What's Your Personality Type" quiz, which aren't allowed to communicate and all of whom evidently hate each other that they then force a bunch of moody TEENAGERS to choose which one they want to be in - the single MOST IMPORTANT AND PERMANENT LIFE DECISION they'll ever make - and AREN'T ALLOWED a single switch EVER (because... reasons, ostensibly you aren't allowed to change as a person); and if they fail or want to choose a different path they just become HOMELESS FOR LIFE. (A sadly close unintentional riff on capitalism, actually). Anyway I like when this gets trippy and when it acts as a slideshow of these supposedly helpful organizations (which don't serve their respective purposes here at all) just start doing a bunch of fucked up things to their new recruits literally from day one but all its non-politics aside I'm sick of when movies like these make the blandest character in the movie not only lead the whole thing, but also make their only discernable personality feature that they're "not like the rest of us". Yeah, no shit they aren't - they're way less interesting.