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Darren (1599 KP) rated 13 Sins (2014) in Movies

Jun 20, 2019  
13 Sins (2014)
13 Sins (2014)
2014 | Horror, Mystery
7
8.0 (5 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Story: 13 Sins starts as Elliot Brindle (Webber) about to get married to Shelby (Wesley) and start his own family but because he isn’t as ruthless in his salesman job he loses his job making it difficult to supporting his mentally disabled brother Michael (Graye) and his bitter father (Bower).

Running out of options a chance phone call promises him money for doing something as simple as killing a fly once complete Elliot gets a second phone call with the promise of more money for a task. With two challenges down Elliot get offered a chance to enter into a game to complete in 11 more challenges to get more money that could change his life forever.

When the challenge starts to become very twisted it grabs the attention of Detective Chilcoat (Perlman) but just how far will Elliot will go for the money.


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13 Sins gives us a horror thriller that pushes our character to the limit which is why I do think this is a very enjoyable. I will say it starts out slow and puts the character in a position that you would expect them to take the challenge by not knowing how far they would be pushed. This helps us think this would be hard to say no to. I will say this really pulls you in but I do think the certain moments at the end feel forced.

 

Actor Review

 

Mark Webber: Elliot Brindle is a down on his luck salesman who is about to get married, have his own child all while supporting his mentally disabled brother and alcoholic father. When he gets phone call he gets a chance to end all of his money troubles by completing a set of challenges, this will test Elliot to the very limits leaving us to wonder how far he will do. Mark is great in this role making us feel like he really is an average man struggling.

Devon Graye: Michael Brindle is the mentally disabled brother of Elliot who is about to find himself back in a home if his brother doesn’t find money to support him. Devon seems like an important character that just seems to get forgotten through the final outcome of the film.

Rutina Wesley: Shelby is the fiancée of Elliot who is getting ever so upset with Elliot on the day of the challenges because he is coming off distant but her relationship is important to everything that is happening. Rutina is basic in this supporting role because we don’t get the screen time.

Ron Perlman: Detective Chilcoat takes the case that Elliot finds himself causing him to discover what has been happening for years. Ron is solid in this supporting role that has a moment that is worth the wait nearer the end.

Support Cast: 13 Sins has a supporting cast that is included in the game in ways you have to figure out how they are involved.

Director Review: Daniel Stamm – Daniel gives us a thriller that is shocking in places as we just have to see how far we see our character go.

 

Horror: 13 Sins has gore moments that shock but filled with suspense around the gore.

Thriller: 13 Sins keeps us on edge as we wonder what will happen next in the game.

Settings: 13 Sins doesn’t have the most iconic locations which helps make us think it is in a small city but with the bigger picture of the game doesn’t work.
Special Effects: 13 Sins has great special effects used throughout with the gore factors.

Suggestion: 13 Sins is one for the horror fans to watch. (Horror Fans Watch)

 

Best Part: Final twist.

Worst Part: Slow starting.

 

Believability: No

Chances of Tears: No

Chances of Sequel: No

Post Credits Scene: No

Similar Too: Would You Rather, Cheap Thrills

 

Oscar Chances: No

Budget: $4 Million

Runtime: 1 Hour 33 Minutes

Tagline: You don’t play the game. It plays you.

Overall: Surprisingly entertaining horror thriller keeping us guessing throughout.

https://moviesreview101.com/2016/10/03/movie-reviews-101-midnight-halloween-horror-13-sins-2014/
  
Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Oh...hell, no!
HELLBOY?!? HELL NO!

I would imagine that about 90% of my readership just got what they needed out of my review with that first line and have moved on. For the rest of you, I will now explain why this reboot of HELLBOY is now the "leader in the clubhouse" for worst picture of 2019.

I was pleasantly surprised by the 2004 Guillermo del Toro helmed and written HELLBOY and was even more surprised by how good the del Toro written and helmed HELLBOY II: THE GOLD ARMY (2008) was. I think that this was because there was a driving force - and vision - from a true auteur and was a perfect combination of material and artistic staff - including Ron Perlman in the title role.

This version of HELLBOY has none of that. No vision, no driving force and a "B" performance by David Harbour in the title role. It feels like what it is - a cash grab. I blame the studio who produced this film - Summit Entertainment - for "going on the cheap" on this one.

First off, they tapped a "B Movie" Director, Neil Marshall to Direct this thing. He is known for such artistic successes as DOOMSDAY and THE DESCENT - horror flicks that were heavy on gore, short on characters and plot - and that is what he brought to this film. Why worry about characters, plot or any kind of engaging features (including Special FX) when you can show, yet again, a body getting torn apart and blood spurting all over the screen.

The studio also skimped on the performers. Instead of Perlman, Selma Blair, John Hurt and Doug Jones you get David Harbour, Daniel Dae Kim, Mila Jovovich and a sleep-walking, just give me my paycheck, Ian McShane. It's like watching the "road company" of a Broadway show. While the actors are game (with the notable exception of McShane), they are "B picture" actors, much like the Director.

And...much like the special FX. I knew, going in, that the early word on this film was not good, but that never stops me. I like to make up my own mind, so I thought I'd "pony up" for the IMAX experience to, at least, see the CGI and FX on as large a screen with as good a sound system as possible. I shouldn't have bothered, for the CGI and FX were mediocre (at best) and all the big screen and sound did was emphasize how low quality the CGI was.

And...finally...the pacing of this film is problematic, at best. This is certainly a film that was written and edited within an inch of it's life for the "short attention span" audience of today. The prevailing theory was "why linger on a plot or a character or a moment when we can quick cut to another body getting pulled in two and watch a plume of blood spurt out in a giant arc)."

There are 2 scenes in the end credits to set up the next film(s) in this series. Films that I seriously doubt will be made. If they are, I hope they pump some more money into the budget and get a creative team with some artistic vision.

A swing and a miss.

Letter Grade: C (and I'm being generous)

4 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
  
Show all 3 comments.
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BankofMarquis (1832 KP) Apr 15, 2019

They did everything "on the cheap" - too bad, they are squandering a good property

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Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) Apr 16, 2019

Fantastic review, I'm going to see this tonight out of morbid curiosity.
My hope is that it's either surprisingly decent or it is absolute dogshit, I think if it's anywhere inbetween I'll come away disappointed.

The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (2012)
The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (2012)
2012 | Action
5
5.0 (1 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Victor Webster sells the fights (5 more)
Ron Perlman is never a bad thing.
Neither is Temura Morrison.
Billy Zane is comically evil
Krystal Vee and Selina Lo pull off their reason for being here - hot chicks kicking ass.
Nice scenery and sets
Victor Webster fails to sell being The Rock, even aside from skin ton (2 more)
The story and lore are all over the place, not helped by the setting
The Warriors of the book announcing themselves just felt silly and contrived
Muddies the franchise and lore
The longer this goes the more damage this franchise does to itself. Let's review what we've seen so far:
-The Mummy Returns: At the end of his life, the Scorpion King leads an army to take over and subjugate the world, aided by Anubis, which proves that the Egyptian gods are, you know, gods.
-The Scorpion King: Mathayus is ostensibly the last living Akkadian, and leads a revolt against an evil king who....wants to take over and subjugate the world. Some tragic irony there, knowing where he ends up.
-The Scorpion King II: Rise of a Warrior: There's a whole kingdom of Akkadians, and Mathayus leads a revolt against the general who killed both his father and the rightful King, usurping the throne. Given that just a decade or two later the entire race has been wiped out, maybe putting the rightful heir back on the throne didn't end well?
Which brings us to this movie, featuring numerous human characters with the names of the Egyptian pantheon (maybe named in homage to their gods, but it feels like the idea is that these men will be mistaken for God's by myth and legend) and doubles down on the "conquest is evil" theme. Mathayus has lost his queen and kingdom from the first film to plague, reduced to being a mercenary again. The action primarily happens in Egypt and.... Cambodia? Vietnam? Thailand? Somewhere around there, with little explanation of how the characters go that distance. This just makes the whole thing more inconsistent and convoluted. I shudder to think about the damage the next one will do....
  
Monster Hunter (2020)
Monster Hunter (2020)
2020 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Contains spoilers, click to show
First off I'll start by saying that I've never played any of the Monster Hunter games so I went into this with no real point of reference.
For the most part I found 'Monster Hunter' a pretty average film, the story has been done many times before, a group of solders find themselves in another reality and try to find there way back. Excepted (Spoolers) most of the solders are killed off near the beginning and there is no explanation as to why Artemis (Milla Jovovich) comes back to life (or if there is it's a blink and miss it explanation), I'm guessing that this is something explained more in the games.
There is no real investigation to how they got there they just see a storm by a strange tower and figure that a storm brought them there so that must be the way back.
This all leads to there being almost no story, there are hints to back story's, Artemis keeps looking at a wedding ring, the Hunter (Tony Jaa) preys to icons of his (assumed) family and the Admiral (Ron Perlman) states that people from Artemis' world (earth) had been there before. But that's it, apart from one or to other one liners that's all the back story we get.
The essence of 'Monster hunter' is that it's a journey, mostly Artemis and the Hunter going from the dessert to the tower, but a journey with monsters. The monsters are part of what pushes the film (just) above average, TOHO were involved in the production of the film and, for those of you who don't know, TOHO were the people behind the original, Japanese, Godzilla monster and they have continued do monsters eve since so you know that, when they are involved the monsters are going to be more than just cannon fodder.
The other thing that raises the film up are the action scenes, especially the fights between Artemis and the Hunter.
If you have nothing better to do then maybe give 'Monster Hunter' a watch, just don't expect a master peace, there is nothing wrong with the film but I feel that I've seen it all before in other films.
  
Season of the Witch (2011)
Season of the Witch (2011)
2011 | Action, Drama, Mystery
4
6.2 (5 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Nicholas Cage, Warriors, Demons, Witcraft; Season of the Witch really does have it all. However, all that appears interesting is lost in Dominic Sena’s (Whiteout) bland and forgettable biblical road movie.

Whilst it may not be the worst film in the past twelve months, something which still seemingly belongs to Clash of the Titans, there is little here to differentiate it from the frequent blockbuster drivel that Hollywood seems to spit out these days.

Nicholas Cage and Ron Perlman star alongside a host of two dimensional characters which bizzarly includes home grown star Robert Sheehan (Misfits) who perhaps plays the films best role in newfound warrior Kay. Unfortunately, his stellar performance is overshadowed by a script that’s as bland as the special effects.

The saving grace of the film is in its fabulous set pieces which really do shine through, the choice of location and fabulous cinematography especially in the early battle sequences are fantastic and made the film look like it was going to be more of a success than it actually was. It is here that Sena must be given credit as the movie could’ve been much better if it had followed from the quality of the opening.

It is important to note that the CGI and special effects are not being praised here because on a budget of around $40m, the designers could’ve done a whole lot better than some very questionable looking wolves and melting metal.

Cage, who isn’t without his fair share of criticism as an actor is completely miscast in his role, speaking contrived one-liners that won’t shake off those critics who say he cannot act in anything but action movies, but to be fair, this is not entirely his fault, the script leaves much to be desired and poor old Nick is stuck slap bang in the middle, sitting on the fence between his wrongful characterisation and his need to please the critics.

Alongside Cage is Claire Foy, a relatively unknown actress trying to make a big budget breakthrough as ‘the girl’, a rather unfair accreditation at the end of the film. She actually plays the ‘witch’ and does so well, but there isn’t enough dialogue for her to become a central role in the film, so in the end, she sits in a cage for the entire duration and looks menacing; if that’s what you want to call it. This is a problem that blights the entire film, there are only a handful of characters but the alarmingly poor script means that much of what they say is forgotten.

Overall, director Dominic Sena has missed a trick with this biblical tale, unfortunately it doesn’t do enough to make it stand out and therefore it’s lost in a muddle of poor scriptwriting and poor special effects. However, a few standout performances do save it from being a complete disaster and as such, it just about becomes a passable tale.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2011/01/12/season-of-the-witch-2011/
  
Don't Look Up (2021)
Don't Look Up (2021)
2021 | Comedy
A Brilliant Satire
Satire is a tricky thing to get right, there is a balance between humor and pathos that must be struck in order to drive home the point.

The Netflix Original Satire, DON’T LOOK UP, Directed by Adam McKay (THE BIG SHORT) finds the right line, beautifully.

A send-up of the Climate Change debate (but also, a condemnation of the reaction to the current Global Virus), DON’T LOOK UP has a who’s who of performers that are at the top of their game and delivers a top-notch entertainment that also makes you think.

The plot of the film is simple enough - a PhD Student (Jennifer Lawrence) discovers a “planet killing” comet that is on a collision course with Earth and, joined by her Professor (Leonardo DiCaprio), tries to get the “powers-that-be” to listen to the threat.

DiCaprio (in essence, in the Anthony Fauci role) is superb as the Professor that tries to convince the Politicians about the Science of the threat. His frustration at hitting the brick wall of “political spin” crescendos in an absurdly bravura performance.

Meryl Streep is brilliant (of course) as the President who is more interested in how this situation affects her, politically, than how it affects the populace. She is joined by a sychophantic Jonah Hill (as her son and Chief of Staff). Hill has never been better and understands the nature of this character and mines it for comedic gold.

Cate Blanchette and Tyler Perry are also strong as the Cable News Anchors who are more interested in keeping the conversation “light and fun” and they actually have good “co-anchor” chemistry with each other.

Timothee Chalamet, Mark Rylance, Rob Morgan, Ron Perlman and, yes, Ariana Grande are also strong in smaller, almost cameo, roles.

But the standout star of this film is Jennifer Lawrence as PhD student Kate DiBiasky, the person who discovers the comet (and for whom the comet is named). It is easy to forget just how strong of a performer that Lawrence is but she goes toe-to-toe with Streep/DiCaprio/Blanchette et al and more than holds her own. Her character/performance is the backbone - and conscience - that holds this film together.

Of course, credit for all of this must go to Writer/Director Adam McKay who showed in THE BIG SHORT that he is more than “the comedy Director” of such films like ANCHORMAN and he puts that ability to work, strongly, in this film. He clearly had a vision of what he wanted to put across in this film and straddles the line between humor and seriousness in such a way that no matter what side of the “Global Change” and “Global Pandemic” crisis you are on, you will think that this film skewers you and favors the other side.

Which is the sign of a terrific satire.

Letter Grade: A-

8 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
  
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)
2016 | Fantasy
Potter goes International
It’s almost unbearable to think that Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s Stone was released…wait for it… 15 years ago this very week. I know, I can’t believe it too, and what’s even more depressing is that the eight film behemoth concluded over five years ago.

Since then, Potter aficionados have been calling on writer J.K. Rowling to release new material in the hope of creating more silver screen magic. Well, prayers were answered with the announcement of a film adaptation of her short book, Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them. The day is finally here, but what is the finished product like?

The year is 1926, and Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) has just completed a global excursion to find and document an extraordinary array of magical creatures. Arriving in New York for a brief stopover, he might have come and gone without incident, were it not for a No-Maj (American for Muggle) named Jacob (Dan Fogler), a misplaced magical case, and the escape of some of Newt’s fantastic beasts, which could spell trouble for both the wizarding and No-Maj worlds.

David Yates returns to the franchise after directing the final four instalments in the Harry Potter saga and manages to craft a film that’ll no doubt please fans and newcomers, but lacks the subtle touches that made its British counterparts so enthralling for 10 years.

The cast is on point however, despite Eddie Redmayne’s slightly over-the-top performance as Mr. Scamander. Ron Perlman, Jon Voight and Ezra Miller all lend themselves to the film in some form with Colin Farrell providing an excellent portrayal, though Dan Fogler’s muggle Jacob steals the show by a country mile.

Elsewhere, the cinematography is very good with 1920’s New York looking incredibly realistic and the sweeping shots of the city are beautifully juxtaposed with more intimate basement settings.

Unfortunately, the special effects occasionally let the film down. For a franchise start-up (we have four more films to look forward to) the consistency just isn’t there and Redmayne’s interactions with his unique beasts feel rough and disappointingly unfinished.

There’s also a bit of an issue with Fantastic Beasts’ pacing, something that the Potter films were also guilty of from time to time. The first hour is unacceptably slow, the plot continuously dragging its heels as it sets up the side story to Redmayne’s creature feature.

Speaking of which, that second scenario really does pull things together nicely and takes the flick into much darker territory than expected. It’s a fascinating third act that really makes up for the rather dull first. The twists and turns that the script takes the audience on making it genuinely exciting.

Overall, what made the Harry Potter movies a success was the chemistry between each and every member of the cast. Fantastic Beasts certainly has a great cast individually, but the characters lack chemistry when on screen together. Couple this with some poor special effects plus a dull first hour and what we’re left with is a reasonable start to a new franchise, but not a magical one.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2016/11/19/potter-goes-international-fantastic-beasts-and-where-to-find-them-review/
  
Nightmare Alley (2021)
Nightmare Alley (2021)
2021 | Action, Crime, Drama
7
7.4 (7 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Sum Does Not Add Up To The Total Of The Parts
If you ever want to understand the meaning of the term “the sum does not equal the total of the parts”, you need to look no further than the latest film from Guillermo Del Toro, the neo-noir thriller, NIGHTMARE ALLEY.

This film looked like it had all the right elements for a fantastic, adult film. A neo-noir thriller with a distinctive period look, helmed by a first rate director and featuring an A-List cast that are (for the most part) perfectly cast in their roles.

So why doesn’t this film rise above ordinary?

Ultimately, it is because this type of film, a neo-noir crime thriller where none of the characters are likeable or are easy to root for, is a tricky tightrope walk and, in this instance, Director del Toro opted to play it safe, focusing on mood and atmosphere, while strapping his talented cast with characters (and, ultimately, performances) that are middle-of-the road.

Bradley Cooper is the right performer in today’s world to play Stanton Carlisle, the drifter that becomes a carney that becomes a a con-man “Mentalist” who is drawn into a sinister plot by the mysterious Dr. Lilith Ritter (Cate Blanchett - also the right performer in today’s world to play this part). These 2 have decent (but not great) chemistry with each other, for you know (they way del Toro has Directed Blanchett’s performance) that she is up to something, thus keeping us at arm’s length.

But I am getting ahead of myself, for that is the 2nd half of this film, I haven’t even touched on the first half - which is part of the issue here as well.

The first hour of this 2 1/2 hour film is all set up as we follow Cooper’s character as he is introduced into a Circus sideshow of the 1940’s - and all of the characters therein. This is an interesting - if kind of slow - setup as we are treated to some interesting character building performances by some pretty terrific actors - Toni Colette, Ron Perlman, David Strathairn and, of course, the always good Willem DaFoe.

Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned Rooney Mara who is sort of the “through-line” between the 2 halves of this film, but her character is so vanilla, that one forgets her character event exists.

But…after an hour of setting up this world and these characters - the film pivots away from this area and goes to a whole different world…and a different plot. It is like a SuperHero Origin film where the first 1/2 of the film is the Origin and the 2nd half is the first adventure of said SuperHero.

And this just doesn’t work all that well in this film (even with a callback at the end), it is jarring and creates 2 different movies, neither of which rises above the average.

I lay the blame for all of this on Director Guillermo del Toro who appeared to be more interested in the look of this film (and the look is AMAZING) and just let the actors act, but not get in the way. The direction is bland, the performances are bland and the plot just doesn’t hold together.

Which is very disappointing, considering what “could have been”.

Letter Grade: B

7 stars out of 10 and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
  
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Hellboy 2) (2008)
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Hellboy 2) (2008)
2008 | Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi
Hollywood is often littered with decisions that in hindsight seem to be utterly insane. For all of the big budgeted films that go on to do huge business, there are films such as “Waterworld”, “Howard The Duck”, “Hudson Hawk”, and countless others that make you scratch your head and wonder who thought they were worth the investment of millions of dollars that were needed to bring them to the big screen.

One such decision that will undoubtedly look bad with the passage of time, was the decision for Columbia not to continue the “Hellboy” film series and allow it to walk away to find a home elsewhere.
Thankfully due to the strength of “Pan’s Labyrinth”, creator Guillmo del Toro who is riding a wave of critical success, “Hellboy II: The Golden Army”, is a step up from the previous film and sets the stage for a potential series of sequels for Universal.

The film once again stars Ron Perlman as the title character, a demon of supernatural origin who was raised by humans and leads a team of gifted individuals in the ultra-secret Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD).

The story begins shortly after the events of the last film, and finds BPRD Director Tom Manning (Jeffrey Tambor), frustrated with Hellboy’s continued flaunting of the rules by posing for pictures and autographs while on missions, despite being sworn to keep himself and the agency a closely guarded secret.

As if this was not enough trouble, Hellboy is having issues with the love of his life Liz (Selma Blair), who is starting to have issues with his gruff mannerisms and slovenly ways.
Unknown to the BRPD a new threat is brewing in the form of Prince Nauada (Luke Goss), who plans to retrieve three pieces of a golden crown so that he may control a fabled army of golden soldiers, and wage war on humanity.

Nauada is part of the mythical world of beings that long ago formed a truce with humanity and have lived in peace. Nauada, who has lived under the rule of his father for centuries, strikes out and sets events into motion which require the BPRD to respond to a threat greater than any they have previously faced,.

With the able help of Abe Sapien (Doug Jones), and new member Johann Krauss (Seth MacFarlane), the BPRD clash with themselves and the forces of Nauada with the fate of the world in the balance.
The new film is significantly better than the previous one, and del Toro has masterfully blended the characters and many interesting sub-stories with solid action, FX, and surprising humor. There is a scene in the film where Hellboy and Abe bond over music and beer to discuss women that is truly classic as is the confrontation between Hellboy and Krauss over leadership.

del Toro is a master at creating world of fantasy and splendor and when he allows the film to venture into this area, the film truly shines. It is during the transition between fantasy and alleged reality where the film has a few rough edges. While it was great to see the characters have a more defined relationship and interaction with one another, it seemed at times that areas for potential gold were glossed over or rushed to get back to the action and FX. There are some great storylines about Hellboy’s relationship with humanity, Liz being caught between two worlds, and many more that I hope get developed more in any future films.

There were times in the film where the nearly two hour run time seemed excessive and dragged, especially leading up to a finale, that did not deliver as big an impact as the setup had hinted at.
That being said, thanks to great characters and visuals “Hellboy II: The Golden Army”, is the rare sequel that is better than the original.
  
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Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) rated Hellboy (2019) in Movies

Apr 17, 2019 (Updated Apr 17, 2019)  
Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
The script (4 more)
The CGI
The editing
The performances
Everything else
Actual Hell
If the Hellboy 2019 movie has one thing going for it, it's that it's impressive. It is impressive in the sense that it actually made me question the futility of time and why I was wasting my short time on this earth watching this atrocious piece of trash. There were several times when I was watching the film that I actually couldn't bring myself to believe how bad what I was witnessing onscreen really was. This might be the worst film I have ever seen.

It has without a doubt taken the crown of the worst superhero movie ever made from Fan4stic and is downright insulting. I cannot believe that they chose to make this dogshit over another one with Ron Perlman and Del Toro. Almost every single aspect of this movie is garbage and there are hardly any redeeming features.

Let's talk about the main character, this movie's version of Hellboy. We all knew going in that David Harbour had some pretty big shoes to fill left by Perlman and in Harbour's defence, pretty much the only slightly positive aspect of this thing is the fact that you can tell that Harbour is doing the very best with the piss poor material he has been given to work with. Most of his lines are awful and the way that his character is written as a moaning, whiny bitch is actually insulting to the character. Also, the excessive makeup he is wearing means that he is hardly able to emote with his mouth. When he is talking, his mouth simply opens and closes like a puppet and it is painfully obvious that the dialogue has been dubbed in later and it's not even been done very well. The other slight positive in this movie is seeing Hellboy in his full demonic getup with long horns and donning the flaming crown and sword was pretty cool, unfortunately this is only a fleeting glimpse of coolness before we get right back to the crap.

The other memorable part of the Del Toro Hellboy movies was the endearing supporting cast, unfortunately they have been substituted with an insufferable lot of replacements. The actress playing Alice may give the worst performance that I have ever seen in a comic book movie, (and I saw Polar!) Every single line that she uttered was extremely cringe-worthy and poorly delivered. Daniel Dae Kim was almost as bad as Hellboy's other sidekick. Again, a lot of his lines were ADR'd in later and it is really shoddily done. Ian McShane plays Broom, the scientist that found Hellboy and adopted him and he is sleepwalking his way through this role for the sake of an easy paycheck. As is Milla Jovovich, she plays a stereotypical villainous witch and she does nothing here that we haven't seen her do before in other movies.

Over my years of watching almost every comic book movie that releases, I have seen my fair share of cheap, cartoony looking CGI, but this takes the cake. Almost every scene in the movie features some kind of CGI creature and they are all on a similar level of quality to an unfinished student project. One of the moments it really stood out was the giant fight, where we were subjected to not only one bad CGI giant, but three of them. The scene is also shot in broad daylight, which really does the bad CGI no favours. Not once, did anything in this movie look better than anything in the Del Toro movies which came out 10+ years ago.

I'm going to spoil something here, because seriously who gives a fuck at this point? The absolute worst part of CGI though in the entire movie, is undoubtedly during one of the final scenes in the movie where Ian McShane comes back to speak to Hellboy as a ghost. The CG in this scene is genuinely on par with the Rock's CG in in the Scorpion King. Yes, it really is that bad.

The soundtrack is so misused here also. The songs themselves that are featured are all half decent songs, but they do not work in the context of this film and they add absolutely nothing to the scenes that they are used in. The editing is also horrible, there were several times that I was reminded of the cheap editing in shows like Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

The last thing that I want to talk about is the tone and humour, (or lack of,) present throughout the film. The movie opens with a flashback scene showing King Arthur chopping up the witch. The scene is being narrated by Ian McShane and it is chock-full of diabolically awful dialogue and insufferably cheesy line delivery. Whilst watching it I thought, "Oh they are really hamming it up here and going for a really corny tone for these flashback scenes." I then swiftly came to the soul-crushing conclusion that no, this was how the next 2 hours of this movie was going to go. The awful sense of humour is actually comparable to that in a poor quality kids film, with gross out burp and kiss jokes to boot. What happened to the darker, more horror orientated tone that we were teased with when the movie was in pre-production? Any semblance of that is sorely lacking here and it is a shame because I would have quite liked to have seen that movie and there is a good chance that it would have been a lot better than this dumpster fire.

Overall, please don't see this unless you hate yourself. It is two hours of your life that would be better spent doing literally anything else. At the end it has the audacity to tease a sequel which, (if there is a God,) will never happen.