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A Whispered Wish
A Whispered Wish
Cindy Louallen | 2014 | Fiction & Poetry, Paranormal, Romance
Zoe hates camping. She loves air conditioning and staying indoors and cozy, but when her friends and boyfriend drag her out into the middle of the woods, she comes along. But things get even more complicated when she wakes up far away from her tent– as a pixie.

Can she become human again with the help of Prince Crispin, a handsome pixie? Or as feelings grow between them, will she even want to go back to her human life?

I decided to give A Whispered Wish a shot thanks to a ridiculous one-star review on Smashwords, written by someone who hadn’t read past the first two lines. But the novel was so cringeworthy, I almost sympathized with that asshole reviewer.

Just reading the novel was a toilsome task, thanks to the obvious typos and grammatical errors infecting the text, not to mention the random tense changes that yanked me out of the story every other page.

But even if I’d been able to be absorbed into the story, there wouldn’t have been anything to be absorbed into. Nothing freaking happens for two thirds of the book!

The beginning involves flimsy world-building and back story and preaching about how humans are horrible and they “can learn a thing or two from the pixies.” That line appears not once, but twice in a book meant to be read by adults, not five-year-olds.

This would be more tolerable if it was the pixies saying this to Zoe, who, as a human, defended herself and humankind. But instead, it was Zoe who instantly accepted that she and all other humans, including her friends and boyfriend, was hellspawn.

She accepts that humans are monsters about two minutes after realizing she turned into a pixie when she asks the other pixies if she can tell her human friends what’s happening.

 “is there a way that we can let them know? Please? I can’t let them keep looking for me. They will be so worried,” tears still flowing. Only now, she can’t stop them.

Fionna pops up beside them, “I’m sorry Zoë, but we just can’t. To let them know that we exist is very dangerous for us.”

“You have to understand,” Brigid said, “they will exterminate us just to find out what makes us what we are.” Zoë knows they are right about this, anything new or something they didn’t understand as humans they dissected or destroyed.

A Whispered Wish, page 30
Are her friends effing Nazis? I can’t think of another reason for why she would have so little faith in them. I’m not saying they should tell the press, but maybe Zoe’s best friends and her motherfreaking boyfriend won’t kill her just because she sprouted wings and shrank to two inches.

Conflict doesn’t flare up until two thirds into the book, and even then, the conflict is more like brief sparks instead of a raging fire. There are a few action scenes, but the action was over so fast, I had to reread them to actually process them happening.

The main conflict between two pixie kingdoms feels more like an afterthought than an actual plotline.

All of a sudden, the pixies stop being this shining beacon of superiority and start being savage and warlike. Prince Crispin and his friends, who have never seen battle before, become expert fighters the second war is declared. It’s contrived and borderline absurd, but that’s fine because the final battle is over in like two pages.

Perhaps A Whispered Wish could have snatched a third star from me with the skin of its teeth if the characters had good chemistry, funny dialogue, or even an ounce of personality, but no.

All the men are strong, athletic, and ready to save the females while making sexist jokes about how women take forever shopping. The women are all kind, girly, and able to manipulate the men with their puppy eyes.

The two most interesting characters are the Queen of Devonshire, and Jaxxon, a defect from Pembrokeshire, and they only have a couple of scenes. Everyone else absurdly boring.

So, A Whispered Wish is a solid two-star read. With some heavy editing and revising, it could have been good, but as is, it’s less interesting than the average hospital waiting room. A Whispered Wish is free on Smashwords.
  
Same Time Next Year
Same Time Next Year
9
8.5 (2 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
Genre: Contemporary

Word Count: 4,560

Average Goodreads Rating: 3.27/5 stars

My rating: 4.5/5 stars

It’s not often a book can surprise me. But Same Time Next Year totally took me off guard.

Every year, for the past either years, Regina White and Tyler Harrison meet at the same hotel, in two connecting rooms for one night.

The receptionist, Elizabeth, thinks she has the whole situation figured out. But she doesn’t know what this night means to the mysterious couple. And somehow she can’t stop thinking about them anyway.

You can read Same Time Next Year for free on Smashwords.

At first I thought I wasn’t going to like this story. I thought it was about two people leaving their depressing and dull lives to have one night of infidelity and debauchery a year, like some sort of modern day fairy tale. On top of that, the “good” character, Elizabeth, is kind of a bitch who is quick to condemn and judge Regina, but smile and admire Tyler.

It’s one thing to disapprove of adultery, it’s another thing to have double standards about it.

But despite my misgivings at first, I got sucked into the very hot sex scene quickly.

“No, I don’t want champagne. I want you. Naked. And wet. And begging.”

Gotta love good dirty talk. Unfortunately the scene ends abruptly and before the couple gets to the really good part, if you know what I mean. 😉

For such a short story there is actually a lot of character development. We learn that Tyler and Regina met at a conference years ago, when they had those two hotel rooms by coincidence. Tyler loves how Regina’s strong and confident in public, but a little submissive in the bedroom. Regina loves how Tyler still wants her, and how he’s always willing to please her. They have great chemistry together and I love how they’re still attracted to each other after all those years, and always come back to the same hotel.

My only complaint, aside from the abrupt end to the sex scene, is Elizabeth. I get why she’s necessary to the story, but she’s undeveloped and unlikeable, and I wish she was gone.
  
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Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated Dreamz in Books

Jun 12, 2019  
Dreamz
Dreamz
A. R. Von | 2013 | Dystopia, Fiction & Poetry, Paranormal
6
7.3 (3 Ratings)
Book Rating
Genre: Science Fiction, Dystopian

Word Count: 12,470

Average Goodreads Rating: 4.54/5 stars

My rating: 3/5 stars

To be honest, I automatically started to dislike this book because “Dreams” is spelled with a Z. And while it was okay, it was not as good as it could have been.

Wunder has been dreaming about a man for as long as she can remember, always the same man. The dreams leave her aroused to no end at night. Unfortunately, this man doesn’t exist in her life, at least not yet. But her love life is nonexistent and thanks to her being half zombie, that’s not going to change any time soon.

Little does she know that her dream man exists and his name is Pete. Not only does he exist, but he’s been dreaming about her as well. Pete is also half zombie and lives in the next town over with his uncle. When he moves to Wunder’s town to recover from a huge zombie attack, will they finally get to meet in real life?

You can get this book for free on Smashwords.

I have such mixed feelings about this book. On one hand, it’s a cool story with some damn good world-building. The explanation behind a half zombie, half human is actually logical, or as logical as anything to do with zombies is. This also sets up a lot of potential plotlines for the other books in the series, all of them sounding interesting. And the Resilient Infected Police, or RIP, have a fantastic name.

Also, I can always appreciate a bad-ass girl who knows how to kick some ass, zombie or otherwise.

But learn to fricking edit.

Aside from the grammatical and punctuational atrocities that made my eyes widen in horror while I was reading this, there are so many strange things in this story that aren’t even rookie mistakes. This story is as loose as your post Taco Bell shit.

Never mind the crazy summaries and excessive telling instead of showing. I’ve seen that so many times by now, I’m almost immune to that. What I haven’t seen is a fucking tree fetish.

Yes, ladies and gents, you read that right. Either Wunder loves trees a little too much, or the author does. Why else would Wunder interrupt her retelling of a very hot and kinky sex dream to describe at length the tree she’s tied to, when she first saw it, and how beautiful she thinks it is.

Damn, Wunder, get back to how your sexy dream man is dominating you. I don’t have patience for this arousal-killing nature shit.

Also, A. R. Von got so distracted with setting the stage for future plot lines that she totally forgot to dazzle the reader with the current plot. There was an awful lot of talk about how Pete’s town attracts zombies a lot more than normal towns do, and about the life test they have to take every month to make sure the people aren’t dead, although I feel like the rotting flesh would give it away. (Also how does a person keep their zombie side secret when being blood tested monthly for proof of life? Asking for a friend).

But the current plot of restless RIP agents going to save a town from a hoard of zombies while having kinky dreams is sadly neglected. The exchange between Wunder and her friend feels more like a free write than a final draft and the epic battle is slow-paced and anti-climactic.

Then at the end, Pete asks his uncle about Wunder, and Pete is able to tell him all about Wunder’s famous reputation of being an all-around badass, which brings up the question: how does Pete, who lives with his uncle and works with his uncle in the RIP not know even a little bit about Wunder’s existence when his uncle is able to recognize her on sight and gush about how awesome she is?

But I do like Pete and Wunder. Wunder is a bad-ass and Pete is sexy as hell. The chemistry between them is great. While there’s only a promise of a love connection in this book, I do believe they have a very juicy love story ahead of them.

Unfortunately the story needs massive editing and the dialogue and action often feels forced. I’m tempted to read the next book in the series, just to see how the love story plays out, but I doubt I will because I have a feeling the other stories are as unedited as this one was. But if you still want to check it out, you can get it for free on Smashwords.
  
Note to Self
Note to Self
7
7.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Genre: Contemporary, LGBTQ

Goodreads rating: 3.73 out of 5 stars

My rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Anna never considered herself bisexual or a lesbian. She’s totally in love with her husband and happy with her life as a wife, mother, and cop. But that all changes when she meets Susan, a pretty, feminine doctor, who turns Anna’s world upside down. Confused and full of guilt from thinking erotic thoughts about Susan while married to Nick, Anna turns to her journal to sort it all out.

Okay, once this story gets going, it’s great. But in the beginning it is so damn boring. Journal or not, Anna does not get to the frigging point for like four or five pages! I was tempted to go wash the dishes at least twice in the beginning of the book. When the dishes are pulling me away from a book, and not the other way around, something is very wrong.

However, it does read like a real diary, so kudos on that.


Once Anna gets her shit together and actually starts telling what happened, the story gets a lot better. Her inner turmoil is relatable and realistic and makes me like her alot. Susan’s character is also great. Being very girly, Susan has a nice contrast with Anna, and that makes their time together that much sweeter. I always love it when characters are developed, even for short erotica pieces like this one.

I do have a problem with Anna being married, though. Her husband is a great guy who is very supportive of her and their son. He showed up to their son’s kindergarten barbecue, doesn’t mind his wife being “one of the guys”, and doesn’t even get jealous from other men’s stares at her.

It’s really clear that they are still very much in love and unless it becomes clear in the sequel that he’s a serial cheater or hiding huge secrets, (like, “I killed my boss and embezzled five million dollars” type of secret. Not “that purple dress really did make you look like Barney and I didn’t tell you even though I knew pictures were going on Facebook” type of secret) then I’m never going to like Anna’s and Susan’s relationship as much as I could.

Lesbian relationship? No problem. More power to ya. Cheating on a very sweet person? Huge problem. Shouldn’t happen. Burn in hell.

You can read Note to Self on Smashwords for free. I recommend you check it out if it sounds like your cup of tea. Speaking of tea, take some time to read with a cup of it. The holidays are coming up, and you need some relaxation before your life dissolves into chaos. Take care!
  
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Kara Skinner (332 KP) rated Eternity in Books

Jun 12, 2019  
Eternity
Eternity
Maggie Shayne | 2013 | Fiction & Poetry, Romance, Science Fiction/Fantasy
7
6.5 (2 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
300 years ago, Raven St. James was hanged for witchcraft. But she revives among the dead to find herself alive. She is an Immortal High Witch, one of the light. A note from her mother warns that there are others, those of the Dark, who preserve their own lives by taking the hearts of those like her.

Duncan Wallace’s forbidden love for the secretive lass costs him his life.

300 years later, he loves her again, tormented by hazy memories of a past that can’t be real. She tells him of another lifetime, claims to be immortal. Though he knows she’s deluded, he can’t stay away. And the Dark Witch after her heart is far closer than either of them know.

After reading and loving the Once Upon a Time boxed set by Maggie Shayne, I was super excited to find her book Eternity free on Smashwords. But while I liked it a lot, I didn’t like it as much as Once Upon a Time. Perhaps my expectations were too high.

Raven and her sister Arianna are both good characters. I like Raven’s spirit and loyalty a lot, as well as Arianna’s sass. Duncan is pretty fine himself. His devotion to Raven is incredibly sexy and I’ve always enjoyed a good Scottish brogue myself. In one scene, she heals him from a fever while trying to keep her identity a secret from him. That is a very delicious scene and it’s one of the first real tastes of magic we see. Gotta love that scene, as well as reading about Duncan trying to protect Raven in the Americas.

But the initial meeting was a little lacking. Sure, it’s pretty powerful, having Duncan speak up on Raven’s behalf and then quit the Catholic church for her. I love the compassion he shows there, despite Raven telling him to stop before he’s hanged himself.

But they’re practically in love within two minutes of meeting each other. Sure, that would be fine if Raven, unaware of her immense power, accidentally put a spell on him. But she didn’t. There’s no real explanation for their insta-love. The most we get is their souls recognized each other. Yippee.

The insta-love wasn’t necessary, either. A young, idealistic man can be sickened by an execution without being in love with her. There was plenty of time to introduce more romantic feelings later.

Duncan and Raven in the Americas are excellent together, though. I wish we had seen more of them in the seventeenth century. Because Duncan in the twentieth is bland.

There’s no better word for it, really. He’s bland. Modern-day Duncan is easily confused and manipulated and even after he gets memories from his past life, he still doesn’t believe Raven when she tells him of their past. It takes him forever to realize Raven’s not mentally unbalanced and actually knows what she’s talking about.

There is a second book with Raven’s sister, Arianna. Even though I was a little disappointed in this book, I still might buy Infinity. After all, this wasn’t even close to being a bad book. It’s certainly well-written and entertaining. Now that my expectations for Maggie Shayne’s work has gotten a reality check– honestly, any book she wrote would have been a letdown after the two amazing love stories in Once Upon a Time.
  
Claiming Her Highway
Claiming Her Highway
4
4.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
Genre: Historical

Words: 17,970

Average Goodreads Rating: 3.8/5 stars

My rating: 2/5 stars

Cass runs one of the greatest band of highwaymen around. Despite being a woman, she’s respected by her crew, and every night they return to camp richer than they were and she can enjoy being in the arms of her second-in-command, Will Carpenter. But that all changes when Will accepts a position in the King’s Guard. Cass knows Will wants more than what she can give him. He wants marriage and kids, as well as honest work instead of thieving. But Cass doesn’t know if she can ever give him up.

Claiming Her Highwayman is free on Smashwords.

I found myself underwhelmed by this story. When it starts, Will and Cass are already a couple, and the chemistry between them already feels forced, as well as the heist they’re about to go on. It’s like a bad first draft that hasn’t developed into something greater yet. Cass and Will feel more like paper dolls than people and unfortunately, I never get that attached to them. They just don’t have the chemistry.

It doesn’t help that my suspension of disbelief took a huge beating when Will’s offered a job with the King’s Guard, as the princess’s personal guard. He’s a highwayman! Since when do they let criminals guard princesses? Um, never. Not only that, but he’s still in contact with his old gang, and he’s not even in training to be a soldier! He just is. Apparently the standards for becoming a member of the King’s Guard is really low.

It would make a hell of a lot more sense to me if there was a scarcity of guards for some reason, like the country was at war, and that’s why they’re turning to criminals to keep up with the demand of soldiers. That would flesh out the plot, too. But nope. Apparently we’re supposed to accept that a robber can become a princess’s bodyguard easily after mugging her with his gang of bandits. Oh, and he almost becomes her husband. Because every king wants his little girl to marry a common criminal.

Despite everything wrong with the story, I like Will’s and Cass’s characters. Even though Will only exists to be Cass’s lover, he’s got some pretty charming lines in the story. His need to protect her is incredibly sexy.

Cass’s character is a little more complex. She’s strong and independent, and she knows what she wants in life. She’s the type of girl who would be bored to death in most respectable professions for a woman, instead enjoying being a bandit. But I hated her when Bryce, one of her men, attacked her in her tent. All she did to defend herself was bide her time until she could scream for help

What. The. Fuck.

She’s a damn gang leader and she doesn’t know how to defend herself against one man who gets too handsy? Please. That’s fucking ludicrous, and all of my respect for her is just gone because of that one scene. How the hell did she become a leader in the first place if she needs to scream like a damn damsel whenever she gets attacked? Not cool.

This book really didn’t do much for me. While it’s all right, it’s not that good. The characters aren’t good, and neither is the writing. I suggest you look elsewhere for your historical romance bad boy.
  
Ride of Her Life
Ride of Her Life
Kimberly Dean | 2012 | Contemporary, Erotica, Fiction & Poetry
5
5.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Woman Surprised When Neighbor Waits For Her When Coming Home Late
Genre: Contemporary, Erotica

Word Count: 3,830

Average Smashwords rating: 5 out of 5 stars

My rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Warning: quotes below are certainly rated R.

When Andrea’s car breaks down and she gets a ride home with a coworker, the last thing she expects is her sexy yet scary-looking neighbor, Bo, waiting for her and livid. Worried out of his mind, Bo is done flirting with Andrea without action. Tonight, he’ll show her exactly what he wants with her.


Ride of Her Life is a hot little escape, but it’s like daydreaming about the stock photo of a tattooed macho man. True, it has some great sexy time.

He was fucking her hard and fast, but it was too much. Too raw. Too intimate. She felt too vulnerable, and she tried to lower her legs.

“No.” Keeping her legs close together, he leaned forward. “I like it this way. It makes you tighter. Makes you pay attention to me.”

The increase in pressure startled her. “Bo!”

He bucked at the sound of his name, and Andrea could hardly stand the pleasure. It felt naughty, exhibitionistic, and so damn good.

“That’s right, sweet thing. Give it to me. I’m the guy who’s meant to be your lover, not your handyman.”

But Bo has no character whatsoever. For that matter, Andrea isn’t much better with her inconsistent weirdness.

Bo is a jerk. He was mad that his neighbor didn’t call him when she was going to be home late or ask him to drive all the way to the college just to give him a ride. He was even more irritated that the coworker who dropped her off was male. Bo is her next door neighbor! Sure, they’re closer than most neighbors, but that doesn’t mean she needs to call him when she is a little bit late.

There’s an inch of depth that flickers beneath Bo’s otherwise boring flatness. His anger stems from worry and he’s insecure around Andrea. He doesn’t think he’s smart enough for her and in a moment of vulnerability asks her what he means to her.

It’s clear the two of them have history together. They have been neighbors for a while and Bo is always there to help with lawn mowing, giving her takeout, and doing repairs around the house. Andrea fantasizes about him at night but is scared to acknowledge her attraction to him. Bo seems to know it anyway and basically takes her on a picnic table with Andrea barely getting a consent out.

The lack of real consent is a huge turn-off for me. Just because he mows her lawn doesn’t mean he gets to, well, mow her lawn. There’s a difference between dominating and borderline-raping, and I wish that was much clearer here.

Andrea’s character is all over the place. She goes from caring to femme fatale in less than four thousand words.

At first, she’s slightly scared of Bo. She’s nervous and innocent for most of the story.

The tingle was back. Her entire body vibrated with anticipation and nerves. She’d never done anything like this. A thrill of uneasiness and excitement rushed through her

By the end, he’s just a fuck for her.

“Can we go inside now?” she asked, her lips brushing against his ear.

“On one condition. Tell me what I am to you.”

She smiled softly. “Oh honey, you’re the man I call when I need a ride.”

Where is this new found confidence of hers and when did she start calling him honey? Did her orgasm compel a man-eating ghost to possess her for the sake of reliving glory days?

We’ll never find out, because that’s where the story ends. There’s no real conclusion and just the flippant line to half-heartedly tie the ending and beginning together. It left me wholly unsatisfied.
  
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