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Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated Drive Angry (2011) in Movies
Mar 13, 2020
What Happens When a Movie Meets Zero Effort
Ok, let’s not waste time with this: Drive Angry is easily one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched in my life. To be more specific, third worst behind the awful 1994 version of Fantastic Four (look that doozy up when you have a chance) and Battlefield Earth where we got to see John Travolta sporting dreads. Yes, folks, Drive Angry is bad in every single way imaginable. It is a movie you will long to forget. As far as the plot is concerned, there is a lot I tried to blot out about this movie but I’m pretty sure it’s about a man who has returned from Hell in a car he stole from the set of Fast and the Furious to prevent the sacrifice of his granddaughter by an evil cult. You say what now?
Acting: 5
I feel like these actors knew after the first week of filming that this was going to be a shit-show so they all mailed it in. Nicholas Cage, star of said shit-show, delivers his lines with the excitement of someone getting a flu shot. I won’t linger on this point, but let’s just say I’ve seen the cast of a Hallmark movie do better than these lame-duck performances.
Beginning: 1
Much like the middle and the end, the beginning is an awful disaster. It sports one of the worst setups I think I have ever seen for a movie. After ten minutes, I knew I was in for a world of pain.
Characters: 2
Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Honestly, the visuals could be a lot worse. There were some decent moments particularly when things slowed down that were bordering on looking pretty cool. While a lot of action sequences were pretty cheesy it was nice to see they at least put in a smidgeon of effort with the special effects.
Conflict: 5
Entertainment Value: 2
Memorability: 0
After the movie was over, I instantly started thinking, “Is there a time machine that I can use to get part of my life back?” There is absolutely no value in this movie, nothing to remember with the exception of the absolutely horrid filmmaking. I am still appalled this project made it through completion.
Pace: 0
Plot: 0
Story? We don’t need no stinking story! Oh, how I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during this pitch meeting. It seriously made my head hurt. They try and give you a story then throw it all out the window with repeated implausible occurrences that beat you into submission.
Resolution: 1
Overall: 24
In light of the Black Mamba Kobe Bryant’s passing, the number 24 should represent greatness. Not with my scoring of Drive Angry. Unless, of course, I’m referring to the greatness of sucking. If that’s the case, then yes, this movie is indeed great. Great and terrible.
Acting: 5
I feel like these actors knew after the first week of filming that this was going to be a shit-show so they all mailed it in. Nicholas Cage, star of said shit-show, delivers his lines with the excitement of someone getting a flu shot. I won’t linger on this point, but let’s just say I’ve seen the cast of a Hallmark movie do better than these lame-duck performances.
Beginning: 1
Much like the middle and the end, the beginning is an awful disaster. It sports one of the worst setups I think I have ever seen for a movie. After ten minutes, I knew I was in for a world of pain.
Characters: 2
Cinematography/Visuals: 8
Honestly, the visuals could be a lot worse. There were some decent moments particularly when things slowed down that were bordering on looking pretty cool. While a lot of action sequences were pretty cheesy it was nice to see they at least put in a smidgeon of effort with the special effects.
Conflict: 5
Entertainment Value: 2
Memorability: 0
After the movie was over, I instantly started thinking, “Is there a time machine that I can use to get part of my life back?” There is absolutely no value in this movie, nothing to remember with the exception of the absolutely horrid filmmaking. I am still appalled this project made it through completion.
Pace: 0
Plot: 0
Story? We don’t need no stinking story! Oh, how I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during this pitch meeting. It seriously made my head hurt. They try and give you a story then throw it all out the window with repeated implausible occurrences that beat you into submission.
Resolution: 1
Overall: 24
In light of the Black Mamba Kobe Bryant’s passing, the number 24 should represent greatness. Not with my scoring of Drive Angry. Unless, of course, I’m referring to the greatness of sucking. If that’s the case, then yes, this movie is indeed great. Great and terrible.
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Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated The Express (2008) in Movies
Aug 13, 2020
I Tried
I was rooting something fierce for The Express. Sure the trailer looked cheesy, but I wanted to give it a chance. And give it a chance I did. I gave it every chance in the book and it got more painful with every second. It follows the true story of Ernie Davis and his journey to make it to the NFL .
Acting: 7
There are some solid performances for the most part but it’s unfortunately sprinkled in with what I call Hallmark Acting. It’s painfully obvious that not everyone is on the same wavelength here. Fortunately, Rob Brown is strong as Ernie Davis which makes things a bit more bearable throughout the movie.
Beginning: 3
Very slow start, mainly because I didn’t really understand what they were trying to establish with the story. Ernie is narrating, but there are a jumble of images to start and you have to make a push to piece things together. It’s also a very cliche start to a story.
Characters: 10
I did really enjoy Ernie’s character which made the movie better for me since he was the focal point. I also really appreciate his grandparents in the story, particularly his grandfather played by Charles S. Dutton. They are full of love as they make a push to steer Ernie in the right direction. Shout out to Dennis Quaid as well playing the role of the gruff coach Ben Schwartzwalder. He had a few scenes that were definitely made brighter because of him.
Cinematography/Visuals: 5
Conflict: 3
Even without knowing the story (as I didn’t) you can kind of guess and see where things are going. I didn’t feel like they did a solid enough job of showing the obstacles Ernie had to overcome. According to this, he was a beast early on and basically never looked back from there. That’s all good and fine but it takes away from the conflict needed to drive the story.
Entertainment Value: 6
Memorability: 5
Out of all the sports movies I’ve watched, this one doesn’t even hold a candle. I get sleepy just thinking about it at times. The story is ultimately memorable, but there are no real moments or scenes that stand out above the rest.
Pace: 6
Plot: 4
Resolution: 8
Given the rest of the movie, the ending actually wasn’t all that bad. Without giving anything away it was quality closure for the story. It made me wonder why they couldn’t pull this off in the rest of the movie.
Overall: 57
The Express was doing ok for a bit and then it just got really weird. There is a scene where Ernie is out on the field and there are these strange heat shimmers. This, like a number of other things, just had no place in the movie. Given a do over of some sort, this wouldn’t be a bad story to see unfold on the screen.
Acting: 7
There are some solid performances for the most part but it’s unfortunately sprinkled in with what I call Hallmark Acting. It’s painfully obvious that not everyone is on the same wavelength here. Fortunately, Rob Brown is strong as Ernie Davis which makes things a bit more bearable throughout the movie.
Beginning: 3
Very slow start, mainly because I didn’t really understand what they were trying to establish with the story. Ernie is narrating, but there are a jumble of images to start and you have to make a push to piece things together. It’s also a very cliche start to a story.
Characters: 10
I did really enjoy Ernie’s character which made the movie better for me since he was the focal point. I also really appreciate his grandparents in the story, particularly his grandfather played by Charles S. Dutton. They are full of love as they make a push to steer Ernie in the right direction. Shout out to Dennis Quaid as well playing the role of the gruff coach Ben Schwartzwalder. He had a few scenes that were definitely made brighter because of him.
Cinematography/Visuals: 5
Conflict: 3
Even without knowing the story (as I didn’t) you can kind of guess and see where things are going. I didn’t feel like they did a solid enough job of showing the obstacles Ernie had to overcome. According to this, he was a beast early on and basically never looked back from there. That’s all good and fine but it takes away from the conflict needed to drive the story.
Entertainment Value: 6
Memorability: 5
Out of all the sports movies I’ve watched, this one doesn’t even hold a candle. I get sleepy just thinking about it at times. The story is ultimately memorable, but there are no real moments or scenes that stand out above the rest.
Pace: 6
Plot: 4
Resolution: 8
Given the rest of the movie, the ending actually wasn’t all that bad. Without giving anything away it was quality closure for the story. It made me wonder why they couldn’t pull this off in the rest of the movie.
Overall: 57
The Express was doing ok for a bit and then it just got really weird. There is a scene where Ernie is out on the field and there are these strange heat shimmers. This, like a number of other things, just had no place in the movie. Given a do over of some sort, this wouldn’t be a bad story to see unfold on the screen.
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