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The Princess Bride: Storming The Castle
The Princess Bride: Storming The Castle
2008 | Card Game
You haven’t played this game? Inconceivable! Actually, quite conceivable. I wasn’t really into the board game hobby when this came out in 2008, so of course I did not pick it up at release. I am a big Princess Bride fan, and I probably would have picked it up at release because I’m a sucker for certain IPs. There are few copies of this still floating around for sale, so it can be had at a modest price. However, will you enjoy it? Will it bore you “to the pain”? Read on.

So this game, at its heart, is a racing game. You will be racing your pawn toward Humperdinck’s castle in the middle of the table, and you need to traverse several Path cards depicting different areas in the Princess Bride universe. Each of these Path cards will dictate whether you will need specific equipment/items to gain access, or if they are free of that requirement. If you start your turn at the gates of the castle, or have an item allowing you entry sooner, you win!

Ok, the bad. The components are just not great. The box is flimsy and boring. The insert is laughable. The cards are acceptable quality – don’t expect any better quality than normal playing cards picked up at the dollar store. The art on the cards is also very boring and the ink used on the cards seems to be flaking a bit after just a few plays. Screen grabs on cards are fine to me, but the choices made on some of these cards are very questionable. The pawns are poorly designed and they fall over all the time, which is unfortunate when you have to play on a smaller table.

The good now. Owning a Princess Bride game that I can pull out and actually play and have a decent time is a positive for me. There are other games with this same IP that are… not at all fun. This one actually has some gameplay to it that you can enjoy for a while, and even crave future plays. Yes, it feels a bit like Munchkin in that you are trying to achieve the winning goal and your opponents are trying their hardest to delay you. However, it differs due to the fact that the pile-on is slow and you have to basically forfeit your turn to debilitate your opponent. Is that strategy worth it? I’m not so sure…

Does it make you feel like you are in the story? Not really. Do you shudder when the RUSes and Shrieking Eels come into play? Nah, but they are so formidable in the story! Is the GAME worth it though? Yeah, it is. If you are a fan of the book or movie, this is the best Princess Bride game out there. Will another game come out and knock it off the top spot? I hope so. But for now, I am happy with my copy of the game. Perhaps I will look into blinging it out a bit to make it more epic. That said, Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a swashbuckling 7 / 12.

https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/01/21/the-princess-bride-storming-the-castle-review/
  
A Game of Thrones
A Game of Thrones
George R.R. Martin | 2014 | Fiction & Poetry
1
8.8 (87 Ratings)
Book Rating
The prologue (0 more)
Dull, confusing, uninteresting and derivative (0 more)
I've been reviewing books online for nearly a year now... and in that time I have finished every book I have started and more-or-less enjoyed every book and given positive reviews.

But this book has put an end to that. As a fan of writers such as Joe Abercrombie who cite this series and George R R Martin as a big influence, I thought I should give this a read. After all, with so many plaudits and a hit television show it couldn't be that bad, could it.

Unfortunately it could. I liked the prologue - that was interesting to read and had some good writing and interesting characters in it. The one star is purely for this part of the book. Treat it as a short story and ignore the rest of the weighty tome and you won't go far wrong.

From this point forward nothing works. I can see that Martin was trying to inject a bit of reality and grit into fantasy, though it could be argues it had not exactly been all sunlight, dancing elves and heroes with rippling muscles for several decades so I don't see it as the massive change in direction it has been touted as in some quarters.

What we have is a succession of dreary, uninteresting characters taking part in a series of dull and stilted conversations attempting to create some sort of dramatic tension simply by existing. And then quite often there will be sex, not for any reason other than it seems this is what Martin thinks makes characters interesting. And the sex scenes are really, really awful. They read as if an over-excited 15 year old boy has written them.

The structure - where each chapter is told from the point of view of a different character - probably sounded really good on paper. But the end result is almost impossible to read as there is no continuity between sections that are dealing with the same characters, So for the first half of every chapter the reader is trying to get to grips with the new main character while also working out which kingdom they are in and how they related to the many, many other characters. It's just plain too confusing and exhausting as an actual narrative device.

And the characters themselves... I was expecting Martin to try everything possible to avoid any of the usual tropes, but no. Accepted there are no magicians, elves or pure-hearted swashbuckling heroes. But what is left is just the usual supporting cast - the bastard half brother with a grudge, the scheming dwarf, the wronged heir to the throne... there is absolutely nothing new or inventive in any of the characters.

What this book reminded me of most was the Harry Potter series. Completely derivative, averagely written and heavily marketed fantasy stories eagerly consumed by people who don't actually read fantasy. To those who do read fantasy this is such a poor relation to the other fine works that have been published in the last 30 years it's not even worth considering.

If you have never read this, don't bother. Instead do yourself a favour and pick up something that actually has something to say and contains some truly interesting characters and worlds. Joe Abercrombie or Mark Lawrence, for example.
  
Siege and Storm
Siege and Storm
Leigh Bardugo | 2013 | Young Adult (YA)
First half is good, slows down in the second with the last 50 pages exploding
Contains spoilers, click to show
***Spoilers ahead, you have been warned***

You’d have to read Shadow and Bone to read and understand Siege and Storm. Otherwise you’d be pretty lost as events follow up right after the first book.

The first half of the book was at a great pace and filled with lots of action, bombs, explosions, fighting, magic, all sorts of goodness you would expect for the second book to follow up for an excellent start in the first. It slows down in the second half of the book where preparations for encountering The Darkling are made and you have this whole drama with Alina and Mal going on;

Okay I was wrong about The Darkling. I was torn apart when he ended up being jackalope of the year and I was holding a banner of love for Alina and Mal.

Then Nikolai steps in.

Handsome, charismatic, swashbuckling, people sway to his beat Nikolai. I loved reading about him whenever he came into the picture. It’s like when your school crush comes into the classroom and you realize you’re going to share a table with him. That kind of giddiness is what Nikolai brings to the book.

I saw the chemistry with Alina and Mal in the first one, and it just falls apart here in Siege and Storm - understandably so as the dynamics have changed a lot and Alina has climbed up in the ladder of importance and Mal has suddenly fallen off the grid and is just considered a lowly guard of Alina the Sun Summoner. Which is pretty good right? You’re near the person you love and care about, you’re standing guard and you’re close by.

No. Can’t be that easy right? First Nikolai steps into the picture and is suddenly looking like a much better prospect and the drama with Alina looking for the Firebird to amplify her powers even more - the point where she becomes obsessed with it changes her personality and makes her more darker, assertive, and she’s not the girl we all once knew in the first book. I really love this personality change in her. There’s a slight whiny voice to it but she really steps up and grows exponentially as a character.

So I can see the romance aspect of the book falling apart, but at the same time you ask yourself is it really necessary? I can see the attempt at a love triangle with Mal and Nikolai with Alina in the middle but from what I see, she gets along fine with both of them, but does she really need one or the other as a love interest? I don’t see the chemistry there with either of them.

Sure, Alina still cares a lot for Mal but everything’s changed and it just seems like she doesn’t need romance..not yet anyway. Instead, the attempt at the romance is seen as two whiny people who can’t get their own way and they take it out on each other by indulging themselves on the road to self destruction. Again, that’s a very human trait and good on portraying that. The whininess though, I could do without. It caused unnecessary drama in the book, and endless of pages in the second half where the plot doesn’t seem to be moving forward or anywhere. It feels like an unnecessary filler.

The last third of the novel though did pick up the pace (did not make up for the whiny drama though) and provided a lot of the explosions and action you had in the first half. Not really featuring a cliffhanger ending, but it’s making me look forward to what I have to see in the third and final book of this series.

PS: My heart bled for Genya.
  
Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
1980 | Fantasy, Sci-Fi
Incredible special effects for the time (1 more)
Story writing and characters
Other movies did not follow the format lol (0 more)
The Force is strong with this one
Contains spoilers, click to show
Most fans argue over which of its ongoing episodes, is the best in the Star Wars saga. The Empire Strikes Back took a darker approach than its predecessor in delivering the story of the Rebellion's fight to bring peace and freedom to the galaxy by destroying the Empire who now rule with far more than just iron fist, having snatched its power from the dead hands of the Old Republic. This in my opinion, is what made it not only the best of the saga, but the best science fiction movie of all time and more controversially- one of the best movies ever made; an accolade that has still to be taken by any other movie of the genre to date.

George Lucas, ("the daddy" and brains behind the series of stories of intergalactic war and oppression), had reportedly suffered from exhaustion to the point of near breakdown- even suffering a near heart attack and so decided for the sake of his health and mental well-being not to helm this project which led to Irvin Kershner taking the reins instead.

Kershner's change in approach is apparent throughout the movie and even from the opening scene on Hoth- the barren ice planet- there is a palpably hollow and sombre overall feel which is more than likely deliberate so as to reflect the apparent futility and hopelessness of the protagonists’ struggle. This cleverly generated more empathy toward the characters, meaning the viewer became more invested in the outcome of the story.

The scope and scale of each scene is also cleverly used to give the viewer insight into the characters' state of mind and the choice in lighting and colour (or lack thereof) to deliver more impact and focus on the subject matter in each scene.

As far as story writing and script go, this is also miles ahead of the first and brilliant instalment of the saga. This was apparently due to George Lucas not being happy with the direction of the original draft of the screenplay and being forced to write a further two drafts for the movie following the death of the original screenplay author- the renowned Leigh Brackett who sadly died losing her battle with cancer. Lucas felt it necessary to then bring in Lawrence Kasdan to complete the writing of the screenplay, Kasdan would also go on to pen the screenplays for Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Return Of The Jedi, Star Wars VII The Force Awakens (as co-writer) and is also currently penning the screenplay for the upcoming Han Solo...solo movie. His input and impact on Empire took the saga from the swashbuckling heroic scenes of A New Hope to the almost World War-esque style in which characters are somewhat downtrodden and clearly showing the negative psychological effects on their personalities that are associated with any and every war. This set it apart from A New Hope which, despite the deaths of countless poor and innocent Jawas, inhabitants of Alderaan and Obi-Wan Kenobi, still managed to keep an optimistic outlook which while being an immensely fun and thrilling watch, did not do much in the way of drawing the viewer in and having a connection with the characters. This did not in any way ruin my enjoyment of the movie, I was a kid after all, but upon watching Empire for the first time, I was introduced to a new concept in cinema for me- one where the heroes do not always win, but who still carry on the fight no matter how emotionally scarred or beaten they may be. As a kid, this was so much more of a compelling and exciting movie as it was near impossible to guess where the story would lead and what the future would hold for the then trilogy.

Another highly positive aspect, is that the viewer did not necessarily need to have watched the previous movie and could jump straight into the story, able to enjoy it as each of the characters and the movie’s histories are cleverly re-introduced and explained without the use of exhausting flashbacks or back stories, effectively allowing it to serve as a standalone movie.

For people- who for some reason unbeknownst to me- that are not fans of the genre, this remains as a compelling, well-written and visually stunning piece of movie-making that still stands the test of time and one that anyone of any age can enjoy.
  
Cartagena
Cartagena
2000 | Pirates, Racing
Avast and whatnot! Yar, this be a piratey-themed game of prison escape, and it be very good. You and ye mateys must escape a prison of Cartagena and reach the boat to sail to freedom! But do you have the resources available to navigate the treacherous tunnels to the outside? Or will you have to retreat to bolster your holdings for your final surge? This is Cartagena!

If you know me, you know I’m kind of a sucker for pirate games. Why? I don’t know. I’m not necessarily a fan of pirate-themed things in the real world, but it’s a gaming theme I truly enjoy. I don’t remember exactly where or from whom I heard of this game, but I am very glad I did because I really enjoy it.

During a game of Cartagena you play a “team” of pirates that are escaping a dungeon through a wacky tunnel to get to the getaway boat at the end. You do this by playing cards from your hand that match symbols printed on the tunnel tiles assembled in the middle of the table. When you play a card you must move one of your pirates – any one you wish – to the next closest unoccupied space on the board that matches the symbol on the card you played. If you play a card, let’s say a flag, and there is a pirate already on the next closest flag symbol, you keep moving your pirate along through the tunnel until you reach the next flag without a pirate on it. You have two actions on your turn and you will likely be playing two cards every turn to advance your pirates.

“Easy. This is great! But, now my starting hand is depleted and you told me I couldn’t draw a card at the end of my turn.” Correct. Herein lies the struggle and tension in the game.

If you do not have any cards in your hand, or if you just want to improve your hand, you must move one of your pirates backward through the tunnel to the next pirate behind you. If there is just one pirate when you arrive you draw one card. Two pirates two cards. Three pirates already there? Keep on truckin, matey. You need to continue backward to find a solitary or couple of pirates; there can never be more than three pirates on a space. You then take the amount of cards dependent on existing pirates and continue your turn.

Play continues like this until a player has successfully gotten their pirate crew to the boat and escapes the dungeons in Cartagena.

So like I said, I’m a sucker for pirate-themed games. However, this game could have so many other themes applied to it and it would work just as well. I do not necessarily feel like a pirate as I am playing, but I do appreciate the effort here. What I really enjoy about this game is the fact that it is mechanically very simple, so it works well with many different age groups. In fact, I am sure you can play this with gamers younger than the suggested age of 8 and be completely happy with the result. The rules are very light, the decisions are sometimes very heartbreaking if you do not plan ahead well enough. It will never be considered a brain burner, nor will it be the crown jewel of a collection or game night, but it is fun. Racing your opponents to the end of a tunnel to freedom, but also knowing that you will eventually need to regress to fuel future turns is a great little balancing exercise and I dig it, like a fine treasure chest.

Components? Well, the version we have is akin to the version on the main ratings graphic here, with that box art. The art in the game, however, is much more cartoony (see image below). It’s not BAD, but it’s not amazing either. I believe the newer version has much better art throughout. The cards are of decent quality, as are the tiles that make up the tunnel. The best components are the little pirateeples. Piraeeples? I’m never very good at the -eepling. All in all it’s a small game that packs up easily and quickly and is great to pull out pretty much any time you need a great filler. We at Purple Phoenix Games give this one a swashbuckling 13 / 18.
  
Dolittle (2020)
Dolittle (2020)
2020 | Adventure
A movie the whole family can enjoy together (0 more)
Downey's Jnr's take on a Welsh accent (0 more)
A complete mess, but kids will probably love it.
With the words of Mark Kermode's review ringing in my ears ("It's shockingly poor... and that's the same in any language") I was bracing myself when I went to see this latest incarnation of Hugh Lofting's famous animal-chatting character. And I have to agree that it is a shocking mess of a film, given $175 million was poured into this thing. But, and I say this cautiously without first-hand empirical evidence, I *think* this is a movie that kids in the 6 to 10 age range might fall in love with.

Doctor Doolittle (Robert Downey Jnr) - famed animal doctor, with the unique ability to communicate with any animal - is now holed up in his animal sanctuary, a recluse. His beloved wife - adventurer Lily - was lost at sea (in a cartoon sequence that could have just used the same clip from "Frozen"). He's lost the will to practice; and almost lost the will to live.

Impinging on his morose life come two humans: Tommy Stubbings (Harry Collett), a reluctant hunter with a wounded squirrel, and Lady Rose (Carmel Laniado), daughter of the Queen of England. (We'll quietly ignore the coincidence that, after what looks like several years of mourning, these two independently pitch up at Chez Doolittle within ten minutes of each other!).

For the Queen (the omnipresent Jessie Buckley) is dying, and noone (other than us viewers, let in on the deal) suspect foul play might be at work in the form of Lord Thomas Badgley (the ever-reliable Jim Broadbent) and the Queen's old leech-loving doctor Blair Müdfly (a moustache-twiddling Michael Sheen).

Doolittle must engage in a perilous journey to find the only cure that will save both the Queen and his animal sanctuary - the fruit of the tree on a missing island that his long lost love was searching for.

Let's start with the most obvious point first up. Robert Downey Jnr's Welsh accent is quite the most terrible, most preposterous, most unintelligible, most offensive (to the Welsh) attempt at an accent in a mainstream film in movie history. And that's really saying something when you have Laurence Olivier's Jewish father from "The Jazz Singer" and Russell Crowe's English cum Irish cum Scottish cum Yugoslavian "Robin Hood" in the list. Why? Just why? Was it to distance this version from Rex Harrison's? (Since most younger movie goers will be going "Rex who?" at this point, this seems unlikely). It's a wholly curious decision.

It turns RDj's presence in the movie from being an asset to a liability.

The movie has had a tortuous history. Filmed in 2018 at enormous expense, the film completely bombed at test screenings so they brought in more script writers to make it funnier and did extensive additional filming.

I actually disagree with the general view that the film is unfunny. For there are a few points in the movie where I laughed out loud. A fly's miraculous, if temporary, escape was one such moment. The duck laying an egg in fright, another.

However, these seem to stand out starkly in isolation as 'the funny bits they inserted'. Much of the rest of the movie's comedy falls painfully flat.

In terms of the acting, there are the obvious visual talents on show of Michael Sheen (doing a great English accent for a Welshman.... #irony), Jim Broadbent, Jessie Buckley, Joanna Page (blink and you'll miss her) and Antonio Banderas, as the swashbuckling pirate king cum father-in-law.

But the end titles are an amazing array of "Ah!" moments as the vocal performances are revealed: Emma Thompson as the parrot; Rami Malek as the gorilla; John Cena as the polar bear; Kumail Nanjiani at the ostrich; Octavia Spencer at the duck; Tom Holland as the dog; Selena Gomez as the giraffe; Marion Cotillade as the fox, Frances de la Tour as a flatulent dragon and Ralph Fiennes as an evil tiger with mummy issues. It's a gift for future contestants on "Pointless"!

There are a lot of poe-faced critics throwing brick-bats at this movie, and to a degree it's deserved. They lavished $175 million on it, and it looked like it was going to be a thumping loss. (However, against all the odds, at the time of writing it has grossed north of $184 million. And it only opened yesterday in China. So although not stellar in the world of blockbuster movies it's not going to be a studio-killer like "Heaven's Gate").

And I suspect there's a good reason for that latent salvation. I think kids are loving this movie, driving repeat viewings and unexpected word of mouth. It is certainly a family friendly experience. There are no truly terrifying scenes that will haunt young children. A dragon-induced death, not seen on screen, is - notwithstanding the intro Frozen-esque cartoon sequence - the only obvious one in the movie and is (as above) played for laughs. There are fantastical sets and landscapes. Performing whales. A happy-ending (albeit not the one I was cynically expecting). And an extended dragon-farting scene, and what kids are not going to love that!!

Directed by Stephen Gaghan ("Syriana", but better known as a writer than a director) it's a jumbled messy bear of a movie but is in no way an unpleasant watch. I would take a grandkid along to watch this again. It even has some nuggets of gold hidden within its matted coat.

As this is primarily one for the kids, I'm giving the movie two ratings: 4/10 for adults and 8/10 for kids... the Smashbomb rating is the mean of these.

(For the full graphical review, please check out the review on One Mann's Movies here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/02/22/doolittle-2019/ . Thanks).
  
40x40

Sarah (7798 KP) Feb 23, 2020

I'd been trying to figure out from the trailer what accent RDJ was attempting terribly... conundrum now solved!

YOHO (You Only Hang Once)
YOHO (You Only Hang Once)
2020 | Card Game, Pirates
If you have been following us for a while you will no doubt remember my love of the pirate theme in board games. In fact, three of my top 20 games feature pirates. So when I heard the pitch for this one that it is a, “semi-cooperative card game for 2 to 4 players where you take on the role of a notorious pirate, stuck on a ship of thieves and liars” I knew I wanted in. While I wasn’t blown away, there are some quality play experiences to be had. Let me explain.

As mentioned previously, YOHO is a semi-cooperative game of pirate players attempting to find the Treasure and bury it in their safe spaces by the end of the game. Players will be assuming roles of jobs on a pirate ship: Captain, Quartermaster, Bosun, Seadog, and Pariah. These positions have jobs and pirating to do or else they may find themselves walking the plank.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T


To setup players will choose their pirate persona and place it in front of them with the Loyal side showing. On the backside is the Rebel side, which will allow the player special abilities later in the game. A Captain is chosen and that player then doles out the remaining ranks of pirate jobs to the other players. Each player will be dealt five cards from the shuffled Blame deck (draw deck) for their starting hands. The top card from the deck is flipped to become the Blame Pile (discards). The Captain takes the Course card and places it Port side up. The game may now begin!
The active player’s turn will be comprised of four steps. The first step is refilling the hand to five cards. Should the player have more than five then no additional cards are drawn. Next the player will choose one card from hand to play to the Blame Pile. The card may not contain the same text as the card below it, so no stacking UNO Draw 2s. Once the card is played to the Blame Pile the active player will carry out the card’s instructions. These could be switching hands with other players, flipping their pirate cards to Rebel or vice versa to Loyal, Demoting pirate ranks, or one of the other four actions printed on the cards. Finally the active player passes the Course card to the next player to take their turn.

While this all seems typical of many card games, YOHO forks from the common by employing a Blame mechanic. One of the aforementioned other actions on cards is the Accuse action. When one player accuses another the Blame Pile is consulted, and whichever pirate’s rank number matches the highest sum of the matching rank number of cards in the Blame will take the entirety of the Blame Pile into their hand. For example, if the Bosun (3) accuses the Seadog (2) then the Blame Pile is sifted through in order to see how many cards match the 2 and 3 of the ranks involved. Add up the totals of these cards to arrive at the rank’s Blame. The larger number receives the Blame. Special rules are provided for when the Captain is both involved in an accusation and also when the Captain is forced to take the Blame.


The game ends once a pirate draws the last card from the Blame (draw) deck. Players will total their matching Blame in their hands, adjust this number if the player holds the Treasure card or if the pirate is Loyal vs. Rebel according to the Course card’s current display. The player with the most Blame will walk the plank and lose immediately. With a few other scoring rules the player still on board with the highest rank wins!
Components. This game is a deck of cards in a tuckbox. The cards are all fine quality with linen finish (the best finish methinks). The art is somewhat cartoony, but still enjoyable and not offensive at all. I don’t have any problems with the components in YOHO.

My first game of YOHO was played between my wife and I and it was a disaster. I strongly suggest playing with three or four, with four giving the best experience. When the full compliment is used there is only one “inactive” pirate who sits in the middle of the table holding onto their rank and not really doing anything. A ghost player, if you will. However, with two players there are three ghost players not doing anything. It just didn’t work with us AT ALL. But four players was quite enjoyable and actually saved this one for me.

I like the gameplay here. It is different and quirky, and I like that. The constantly-shifting ranks and demotions left and right makes players wish for promotions, but those only come as demotions to a higher rank. Also being able to accuse other players caters to the card counters in the group because they can be watching which cards are played to the Blame Pile and know exactly which rank has more cards represented. While that is dependent on the type of players involved, I have not found that to be a problem. I also really like the shifting Course card. When on Port all pirates can do their jobs, but as soon as it flips to Starboard the Rebel pirates may NOT complete their jobs. This is such an interesting way to utilize the active player token instead of just noting which player’s turn it is currently.

Again, I do NOT recommend playing with two, but definitely do recommend with four. I would be hesitant at three, but it can certainly work. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a wishy-washy-swashbuckling 8 / 12. If your collection is missing another pirate card game that can be played quickly, has interesting twists, and fresh-feeling mechanics, give YOHO a try. You might finally have the chance to send your rival off the plank. But be warned, despite the title, there is no hanging in YOHO (You Only Hang Once).