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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Untraceable (2008) in Movies

Sep 21, 2020  
Untraceable (2008)
Untraceable (2008)
2008 | Drama, Horror, Mystery
3
6.3 (4 Ratings)
Movie Rating Watch
๐˜œ๐˜ฏ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ. Wants to be a ๐˜š๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜“๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฃ๐˜ด x Saw hybrid, ends up being ๐˜๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜‹๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜Š๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ with most of the fun stuff subtracted, and if it were a piece of tacky CBS cybercrime dross. There's some real heat to the torture porn here but it's undercut by the fact that they consciously choose to rarely show it at all and overedit it to hell and back when they do (both fronts offended even worse than ๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ: ๐˜—๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜๐˜) - instead opting to be a rote procedural where everyone dumps heavy bouts of cheesy exposition about things that it's clear no one actually knows what they're talking about, until its final moments where it takes a dumbass pivot where it decides to be a preachy, hypocritical, defanged commentary about technology which is about as non-knowledgeable as your average "Black Mirror" episode. Diane Lane gives it an honest try but it saves absolutely nothing from this lifeless white noise. One of the only positives is that it's unpredictable, but only in the sense that there's nothing to predict. At least it's one of the precious few of these things to make realistic online comments - and Lane very seriously repeats the full acronym for 'rofl' during a live snuff film. Still sucks though.
  
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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Like A Boss (2020) in Movies

Sep 21, 2020  
Like A Boss (2020)
Like A Boss (2020)
2020 | Comedy
3
3.3 (4 Ratings)
Movie Rating Watch
For the most part? Literal human torture. Screening this to the public should be outlawed. The type of movie where the credits roll at barely an hour and fifteen minutes but halfway through it feels like centuries have passed since the last time you saw the light of day. Salma Hayek and Jennifer Coolidge are - naturally - perfect, but the rest of this cast flounders around non-starter jokes that'd be tired even in 2013 ("hey look a dick lol", "hey look weed lol") with no chemistry to even make it a passable diversion. Also it looks like pure cardboard ass, you'd think this guy has never directed a movie before in his life. I particularly admire Haddish's career path of being really good in one thing and then just repeating that shtick with no alterations ad nauseum in a bunch of shit films until it's six feet under and no longer tolerable, let alone enjoyable (everyone should be legally obligated to say sike right now for panning ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜’๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ where she gives her most optimized, feverishly fiery and nuanced work that no one saw). If you think the title is cringy and outdated (one: you're right) then I can assure you the movie itself is moreso.