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Phillip McSween (751 KP) rated Battlefield Earth (2000) in Movies

Oct 2, 2019

Battlefield Earth (2000)

2000 | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

3.8

(22 Ratings)

Movie Rating Watch

Ight Imma Head Out

When an alien species takes over Earth, the humans finally decide to rise up and fight back. Watching Battlefield Earth is like taking a shit that just doesn’t want to come out. It’s frustrating, it’s messy, and it only serves to screw up your day. In fact, this movie is so painful that I am forcing myself to watch it until I finish this review. Man, you should see how fast I’m typing right now.

Acting: 3
Less than two minutes in, the movie has one of those bloodcurdling “NO!” screams after main character Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper) finds out someone close to him has died. That’s when I remember saying to myself: “What the hell did I just get myself into? I gotta sit through the rest of this?” You would think, “Well, it’s only uphill from here.” You, madam or sir, would be wrong. From John Travolta and Forest Whitaker’s painful performances as aliens to the rest of this horrid cast, I can’t really decide who did the worst job. I gave them a 3 because, well, I’m assuming they showed up on set everyday.

Beginning: 0

Cinematography/Visuals: 3
Fast forward to four minutes after the “scream”. You see a bunch of cavemen (ish) beating up a prop from a broken down minigolf fun center. You see this happening with weird cut shots and slow motion, all while focusing on the anger and intent of the cavemen who see it as a threat. It is quite possibly one of the dumbest scenes I have seen in film. It angers me even now just thinking about it.

Conflict: 6

Entertainment Value: 0

Memorability: 0
The only thing I need to remember is this movie is garbage and to run if someone ever mentions watching it. There is nothing about this movie I will ever treasure.

Pace: 2
Let me watch paint dry and see if I’m not more entertained. My wife captured a caterpillar in a jar recently because she thinks it may become a butterfly. I’m pretty sure it’s dying because it only moves an inch every few hours. That inch outpaces the speed at which this movie drags along. Give me the DMV. Give me the longest wait at any Disneyworld ride. Give me the lines for the 2008 voting stations. I will take any of these things over Battlefield Earth.

Plot: 0

Resolution: 1
Ended just like it began: As a failed movie with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Overall: 17
I usually don’t judge people on tastes. We’re all different and we all like different things. But if you enjoyed this movie in any shape or fashion and you profess to be my friend, please lose my number. The passion with which I hate this movie has no end.