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BankofMarquis (1832 KP) rated FIRESTARTER (2022) in Movies

May 21, 2022

FIRESTARTER (2022)

2022 | Action, Horror

4.4

(5 Ratings)

Movie Rating

Commits the Biggest Film Crime - It's Boring

Sometimes, I watch a movie, so you don’t have to.

I watched the remake of the Stephen King novel FIRESTARTER, so you don’t have to.

The current “leader in the clubhouse” for the worst film of 2022, FIRESTARTER is based on the very good Stephen King novel that was published in 1980 and was made into a pretty cheesy, pretty ‘80s flick in 1984 that made Drew Barrymore (fresh off her work in ET) a bonafide movie star.

No such luck in this one.

Produced by Blum House, Directed by Keith Thomas (THE VIGIL) and adapted from King’s novel by Scott Teems (HALLOWEEN KILLS), this version of FIRESTARTER was dead on arrival, with a weak script, mediocre directing and less than stellar visual effects, consequently making a film that is the worst sort of film…boring. It doesn’t even have the ambition to be “so bad, it’s good”, it is just plodding and mediocre throughout.

But, at 1 hour 34 minutes, it is mercifully short, so it does have that going for it.

What it also has going for it is a “game” Zach Efron as “Firestarter’s Father” and he elevates the scenes he is in to something that comes close to watchable. And when Sydney Lemmon is along as “Firestarter’s Mom” the screen comes the closest to interesting. But the rest…”meh”.

Ryan Kiera Armstrong plays “Firestarter”, Charlie McGee - the young lady who can start fires with her telepathic powers - and she is “just fine”, but she does not have the star power or “it” factor that Barrymore brought to the proceedings previously. She is just not a compelling enough presence on screen to save this turkey. I don’t blame her, I blame the weak Direction by Thomas and the limp script by Teems.

The only other character/performance that sparks some interest in this film is Michael Grayeyes (TOGO) who plays a Native American tracker with his own telekinetic powers who is put on the trail of Charlie by the mysterious Institute (a shadowy Gov’t agency that chases after various “special” people - mostly kids - in quite a few Stephen King novels). Inexplicably, this role was played by an aging, pony-tailed George C. Scott (obviously chasing a paycheck) in the 1984 film. Grayeyes succeeds more.

But these glimmers of competence only aggravates more when the film bogs back down in cardboard villains (what has happened to your career, Gloria Ruben) and exposition spouting scientists (what a waste of Kurtwood Smith) and less than spectacular action sequences that, mostly, consist of Armstrong screaming while a wind machine blows her hair back while sub-par CGI flames engulf the screen.

And…adding insult to injury…the "guy in the asbestos suit” (a mainstay of any film involving fire) does not even get a day of stunt pay! It’s like going to see a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible film and Cruise doesn’t do some sort of crazy stunt!

After the success of IT, PART ONE in 2017, there was a renaissance, of sorts, of adaptations of Stephen King works and even though PET SEMATARY (2019) was pretty decent and IT, CHAPTER TWO and DOCTOR SLEEP (2019) were okay, THE DARK TOWER, the TV remake of THE STAND, LISEY’S STORY and now FIRESTARTER were all terrible, so maybe we’ve seen the end of this phase of King adaptations (I doubt it, but one can hope).

Save yourself and hour and a half of your life and skip this Firestarter. Instead, revisit the 1984 version - it plays like an Oscar-winner compared to this turkey. Or, better yet, read the original Stephen King work - it is the best of all of these.

Letter Grade: C- (and I’m being generous)

3 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis).

Kudos

Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated The Water Diviner (2015) in Movies

Aug 6, 2019

Russell Crowe both stars and directs the new film The Water Diviner.

The story follows Joshua Conner (Crowe) and his attempts to re-locate his three sons Arthur, Henry and Edward, who went off to war together and yet were never heard from again. The three boys were inseparable as children (Jack Patterson, Ben Norris and Aidan Smith) and they stayed inseparable as adults (played by Ryan Corr, Ben O’Toole and James Fraser) as they went off to fight in World War I in the Battle of Gallipoli in Turkey.

Joshua loses contact with his sons during the war, and after the fighting has ended, he receives a journal that belonged to them. He reads the journal with his wife and they conclude that the boys must have perished in the fighting. Corners wife kills herself in her grief over losing them and Joshua swears he will bring the boys home, even if it is just their remains, that is his wife’s last wish.

Conner crosses the continent to search for them, meeting people along the way and finding clues. His efforts to locate the boys are rejected by military authorities but he stubbornly presses on.

Seeing this film in the movie theatre rather than on a home television is definitely worth it. The action and scenes of war flash backs are better suited to the big screen than a home tv for full effect and drawing you in to feel like you are ‘right there’.

The story was a bit predictable because after all, it’s the story of a father searching for his children, but it was emotional and held my attention.

Parts of it felt a bit slow, or maybe just confusing, because during the flash backs I wasn’t really sure whose flash backs they were or why they were significant, but over all the story flowed well and I enjoyed it.