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Ratchet & Clank (2016)
Ratchet & Clank (2016)
2016 | Action, Animation, Comedy
The accompanying ps4 game sucked but this somehow sucks way more. Absolutely guts the video games of their charisma, nuance, wit, humor, lively visuals, world-building, sense of wonderment, good characters, memorability, fun, and solid writing until it eventually whittles away and lays waste to nearly everything which made them what they were in the first place - leaving behind a shallow, barren husk of another throwaway film for babies with no sense of object permanence yet. Can't say it's completely laugh free, and it is cool to see Jim Ward's lovable doofus Captain Qwark (albeit a watered-down version) sharing the screen with cinematic heavyweights like Sylvester Stallone and Paul Giamatti - but otherwise it's a profoundly nothing experience. Also pretty ironic that they attempted to reboot a story where capital ran rampant and turned everybody into selfish, greedy assholes into one of the most bastardized corporate attempts at appealing to a broader demographic by shucking away all its personality and slapping on the most overused trite template that all of these dumbass cash-grab children's dumps which do little more than insult kids' intelligence use. If I have to see one more movie about a bland wide-eyed dreamer who dreams of being something more and they get it for no reason I'm going to sue. For the record I also do not side with the people complimenting this cold, soulless, chintzy animation. The new characters reek and it's boring as fuck. Even the weaker games are miles better than this dirt.
  
To Sleep in a Sea of Stars
To Sleep in a Sea of Stars
Christopher Paolini | 2020 | Science Fiction/Fantasy
9
9.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Space Epic From The Author Of The Eragon Series
I was provided with a complimentary copy of this book so I could give an honest review. The opinions are entirely my own, and any quotes are taken from the ARC and may be different in the final published copy.

Having read and thoroughly enjoyed Christopher Paolini's Eragon series, I looked forward to listening to the audiobook of his latest novel, To Sleep in a Sea of Stars.

Paolini did not disappoint. His work on this space opera spanned for nearly a decade. The research completed to make it accurate as possible shows he did not rush his writing.

Do not expect to read/listen to this in one sitting. The run time is 32 hours, 29 minutes, and the book is 880 pages. The book could have been released into a trilogy but do not let that scare you. The story may be long, but it is well built and full of completely fleshed out characters and worlds. My favorite character is Gregorovich, a ship mind. Paolini's sarcastic words and the narrator's voice makes him a character as memorable as paranoid Marvin from H2G2.
 
In 2013, the narrator, Jennifer Hale, was recognized by Guinness World Records as "the most prolific video game voice actor (female)." Her voice is instantly recognizable, and the array of voices she uses in the audiobook are separate and distinct from each other.

Paolini's story and Hale's voices make this an enjoyable story to remember.

This 200-word review was published on Philomathinphila.com on 9/15/20.
  
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
2020 | Action, Adventure, Animation
Kind of shit, but a total blast where it counts. I have so many grievances, firstly - did this honestly have to take the form of one of those trite, throwaway kids' films from the 90s/2000s where some obnoxious animal/alien has to team up with a bland cardboard cutout fuck and they learn to love alone the way? Gag, I feel deep shame that my peer group has such devout nostalgia for such a bastardized, lazy corporate gash-grab of a film era - which is of course is only exacerbated more so here by Fowler shooting this thing about as blandly as can be. Not to mention Marden absolutely sucks in it doing - what I can only assume is - some sort of scuffed, bored Ryan Reynolds impersonation. But it's easy to forgive a film that gives such ample time to Jim Carrey (in like his... third or fourth "return to form" now?) giving the single greatest performance of 2020 in a loving homage to the OG elastic, hyperactive roles of which he built his career upon. The action is fair, and for all its deafening faults the final showdown between Sonic and Eggman is exhilarating (even if I find Ben Schwartz's Sonic voice to be mostly a non-presence). Cute and fun enough to suffice - frequently hilarious too - but not really the resuscitator of video game movies when we got the sumptuous and similarly nonsensical 𝘈𝘴𝘴𝘒𝘴𝘴π˜ͺ𝘯'𝘴 𝘊𝘳𝘦𝘦π˜₯ just over three years before it. Truthfully I think this would have been better if they kept that monstrous abomination Sonic from the first trailer.