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The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)
2014 | Action, Sci-Fi
8
7.4 (28 Ratings)
Movie Rating
It’s been thirteen years since Director Peter Jackson first took us to middle earth and showed movie

audiences that large scale fantasy could be done right on film with The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. And

now the final trek through middle earth is here with the third and final film in the Hobbit series.

Picking up at the climatic conclusion of 2013’s The Desolation of Smaug, The Battle of the Five Armies is

less about the journey and more about the war between the various armies of middles earth over the

massive riches in the mountain home they journeyed to reclaim. After the exciting beginning that serves

to tie up the previous film and sets to table for this one, we begin to see the brotherhood between the

dwarfs, a wizard, a few elves and a Hobbit that focuses on the bonds of friendship and loyalty. This

builds on itself as it leads to the climactic battle of the five armies. The battle is on the grand scale you

would come to expect from these middle earth films, only at times this battle seems to rely on a bit too

much CGI and thus almost plays out cartoonish. Granted, this is a fantasy world were Dwarfs, Elves and

Men are fighting Orcs so it is really not that hard to suspend disbelief in the first place. Thus the film is

entertaining in its own right as it wraps up one trilogy and bridges to another.

This bridge is what surprised me most. We received a bit more insight to some of the higher beings and

their understanding that villain in the Lord of the Rings trilogy is slowly returning to power. These

sequences are entertaining and great for fan service, but they seem to be handled a bit to simply as it

makes us wonder, if they knew this dark figure was alive, why did they wait so long (The Lord of the

Rings Trilogy) to do something about it. Still, it is nice to see the story wrapped up into one complete

adventure that viewer could connect all the way through.

In the end, those fans of the books and previous films will be pleased with the action, pace and way this

film wraps everything up. Other than the sequence of Bilbo’s interaction with Smaug in the last film, The

Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is the best film in the Hobbit Series.
  
Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm (2020)
Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm (2020)
2020 | Comedy
Nice Try
I have to admit that I never watched the 2006 BORAT film, but when it’s sequel BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM was nominated for 2 Oscars(!) - including Best Supporting Actress - I knew I would have to check this one out.

I have heard the following words and phrases used to describe the BORAT films: daring, ingenious, hilarious, cringe-inducing, smart, dumb, original and important. I would add one other word to this list:

Boring.

Sitting on the screen for and hour and a half like a Saturday Night Live skit that is being stretched too long, BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM held my attention for about the first 15 minutes where I thought that it was kind of funny and clever. And then it went on…and on…and on…running the same “sabotage” joke into the ground, pulling unsuspecting innocents into the outrageous world of Borat (though, I have to admit that most of these “unsuspecting innocents” knew exactly what was going on and were playing along).

Sasha Baron-Cohen is a smart filmmaker, writer and performer and he has earned the right to do whatever he feels like he wants to do. I prefer him in such movie fare as SWEENEY TODD, LES MISERABLES and the recent TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO SEVEN. But, if he feels like he wants to do things like Borat, who am I to argue. He certainly puts his all into the character, the scenarios and the guerilla film-making that is required, so good for him.

Maria Bakalova is nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar as she plays Borat’s daughter who accompanies him on his journey across America. It is a “fine” performance and brings something that this film sorely needs - heart. But Oscar worthy? I don’t think so.

I must also give credit to the filmmakers for pivoting when the pandemic hit. They were in the middle of creating this (obviously) anti-Trump political farce of a film when Covid-19 forced them to pivot - and pivot they did, making this film as much about the virus than it is about politics.

Ultimately, this is a case where I can admire the attempt, the art, the craftmanship and skill and talent needed to pull this movie off. But as a film, it just didn’t go anywhere and I found myself looking at my watch wondering when this film would be over.

And…no…I don’t think I’ll go back a “catch-up” on the first BORAT film.

Letter Grade: C+

5 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
  
The Roommate
The Roommate
Rosie Danan | 2020 | Humor & Comedy, Romance
6
6.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
A fun, sexy romance
Clara Wheaton comes from a wealthy family--the well-to-do Wheatons are infamous for many things, but socialite Clara has made a life around pleasing her parents and doing everything just right. But she's breaking out of the mold for the first time: heading across the country to move in (as a roommate) with her longtime childhood crush, Everett. But when Everett picks Clara up at the airport, he breaks the news that he's leaving to tour with his band, and she'll be living with a stranger, Josh. Josh seems friendly enough, but uppity Clara has no intentions of sharing a place with someone she doesn't know. When she researches him on the Internet, she makes a startling discovery about his profession. Clara realizes any association with Josh may turn her into another Wheaton scandal. But the more she gets to know him, she realizes Josh is more than his job. And he has a lot to say about women and sexuality and the power of women deserving better sex.

"Somewhere in her bloodline, a Wheaton had crossed Fate, cursing his descendants to pay the price. That was the only explanation for why, the one and only time Clara had taken a leap of faith, she'd landed with a spectacular belly flop."

THE ROOMMATE was one of those books that seemed to be everywhere for a while. I think if it hadn't been quite so hyped, I would have enjoyed it more. I liked it, but did not love it. Josh and Clara are a good couple, but didn't have that irresistible chemistry and witty banter that takes a romance to the next level.

Clara was too worried about the impression she made on everyone--Josh, her family, strangers, etc. I get that she came from a well-known family, but the fact that she dodged her mom's phone calls for weeks because she was too afraid to tell her she wasn't living with Everett was a bit much. But I could relate to a lot of Clara, and I appreciated her growth process. Josh was an interesting character and certainly not typical of what you see in a lot of romances. Neither seemed fully developed to me, though, and perhaps that's why it was hard to fully root for them.

Still, this is a cute and sexy book. It's a fast read and I enjoyed its push for female sexual empowerment. I'll definitely pick up the next book in the series. 3 stars.
  
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
2020 | Adventure, Fantasy
Not such a wonder
Contains spoilers, click to show
There are some good scenes in WW84. The beginning scene, followed by the mall scene, both great scenes. The highway scene, the invisible jet scene, very cool. But scenes don't make a movie. Well, they do, but you know what I mean. A few good scenes doesn't make a movie good. The movie is very slow, badly paced & the story, quite frankly, stinks.
Again, Wonder Woman is pitted against a villain that is boring. He is played very well by the Mandolorian, Pedro Pascal. But the character is weak. We also have Kristen Wiig as the Cheetah, I guess. She's just an 80s chick until the very end, when she is turned into a cheetah woman & we're "treated" to a CGI fight, that is so dark & so badly directed, you'll struggle to see anything going on or get a good look at Cheetah, except for the bad make-up job on Wiig's face. Speaking of Wiig, she's okay, but nothing special.
I know I'm in the minority, but I don't find Gal Gadot a very good Wonder Woman. She's pretty, she kicks ass, but her acting is not very good. The character is dull. And I find the way her accent is there one minute & gone the next annoying. I laughed out loud when she tells the guy at the end that she likes his Auschwitz (outfit). She's easily the weakest character in the film. And like the first movie, we're spending most of the time wanting to see Wonder Woman on screen instead of Diana.
Chris Pine is great, as always & the reverse "seeing new things" scenes as he's introduced to the 80s are as great as they were in the first movie when Diana is shown new things.
But the real problem of the film is the story. Wonder Woman saves the day by asking people to give up their wishes. Nice dream, but would never happen. We know the world is full of scumbags that would never give up power, or money or anything for anyone else. WW talks to us, the audience & makes a plea that would flop just as much as this film. Throw in the 2 & a half hour runtime, far too long and I found myself bored for most of it. Not every superhero movie has to be so long. And instead of spending time on character & story development, they wasted it on scenes that did nothing to advance the plot.
Oh, stay tuned for the mid-credit scene. It's okay & worth it.
  
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Astra (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Drama, Mystery
A missed opportunity
Like crossing the vast expanse of oceans in a sailing ship, rocketing across the vast expanse of our Galaxy would, naturally, lead one to self-contemplation. In the film AD ASTRA Brad Pitt spends a lot of time contemplating.

Unfortunately, that is pretty much all PItt - and this film - does.

AD ASTRA follows the adventure of Astronaut Roy McBride (Pitt) who's father Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) is a fabled Astronaut who disappeared while on a deep space mission to Neptune. When a Galaxy-wide energy pulse emanating from Neptune threatens life on Earth, suspicion is that Clifford is still alive in orbit around Neptune and the hope is that Roy can contact him and stop this life threatening force.

Sounds like an interesting premise, doesn't it? And it could have been. And the world that was built for this movie - a world set in the "near future", one where we did not stop going to the moon and space and there are now space stations - and colonies and pirates(!) - on the Moon and Mars, is an interesting concept and I really wanted to explore that world.

Unfortunately, Director and Writer James Gray (THE LOST CITY OF Z) was not interested in exploring this (so why build it?!?) - he was more interested in contemplating the meaning of life's purpose and fate and legacies and do the sins of the father really come back to seek payment by the son? And I do mean contemplate, for that is what Pitt's character does through most of this film - sit and think (which we hear through voice over), while contemplative music plays wistfully.

It's a good recipe to cure insomnia.

While Pitt does a nice enough job in the lead - an actor can only do so much with looking, thoughtfully, out the window. Ruth Negga and Donald Sutherland both try to inject some life in this film, but their parts are, in essence, extended cameos and the likes of "that guy" actors like Donnie Kashawarz, John Finn and John Ortiz pop up for a scene or two along the way as we travel across our Galaxy with Pitt but don't really register Only Tommy Lee Jones manages to liven things up...but his presence is too little too late.

Like a parent, I am not upset at this film, just disappointed at the choices that were made. I thought Pitt and Gray knew better.

Letter Grade: B- (it is well made and pretty to look at)

6 Stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(ofMarquis)
  
Sing (2016)
Sing (2016)
2016 | Animation, Comedy, Musical
The team that brought us “Despicable Me” and “Minions”‘- Illumination Entertainment, brings us the animated musical “SING”.

Buster Moon (voiced by Matthew McConaughey), has achieved his childhood dream of owning a theater. Business have become bleak, the once grand Moon Theater is in disrepair. With the bank ready to repo the property, in a stroke of desperation, Buster comes up with the idea that a singing competition would be the solution. Aided by his trusty assistant, Miss Crawley, Buster begins the audition to find the next big star.

The audition brings out all creatures great and small; from Meena, the shy elephant with the gift of song (voiced by the exceptionally talented Tori Kelly) to Mike, the mouse (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) a crooner who is out for himself. The rag-tag bunch includes Rosita (voiced by Reese Witherspoon), the stay at home mom who feels like she has lost who she was, paired with Gunther (voiced by Nick Kroll) the dancer with the greatest self image ever. Johnny (voiced by Taron Egerton) the dedicated son who does not want to go into the family business with his dad, who instead wants to sing. Rounding out the performers is Ash (voiced by Scarlett Johansson) the timid girl that breaks out into an angst-y rocker that just wants to play her music.

The story is cute and charming with some laugh-snort moments. We are given glimpses into the lives of each performer, providing us with the background on what motivates each to be in the competition. We also get some history of Buddy, how he came to own the theater, his best friend Eddie (voiced by John C. Reilly) and Eddie’s Grandmother (Older Nana – voiced by Jennifer Saunders, Younger Nana – voiced by Jennifer Hudson). The last third is the best part of the film. We finally see each performance where we were only given little glimpses prior. There are some surprising performances. I had no idea that Taron Egerton, who plays Johnny, the silverback(The Kingsmen, Eddie the Eagle) sings so beautifully. The highlight for me is when Tori Kelly (Meena) sings the Stevie Wonder tune “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing.” Her rendition lives on still as my earworm.

I was pleasantly surprised by the film, I definitely did not expect it to be quite as enjoyable. It’s not “Despicable Me” or” Minions”, it is a fun family movie that is worth watching that has laughs for the adults as well.
  
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
1971 | Crime, Sci-Fi
Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell) is your average eighteen year old boy...if by average, you mean he fully embraces the old ultraviolence and wanders the streets with his three droogs causing havoc and doing whatever he likes; skipping school, breaking and entering, rape, and assault is just another average day in Alex's life. However, when a planned rape turns into an "accidental" murder, things start to turn fowl for Alex. His droogs turn on him and he winds up being caught by the police. He is then taken to a correctional facility where he spends the next few years, puts on the front that he's fully embraced the bible and that he's now a changed man. But when word makes round of the experimental Ludovico treatment, Alex realizes his chance at freedom and jumps through the proper hoops to get out of the penitentiary he finds himself in and get into the experimental facility where he can be "cured."

Alex is promised that he'll be a free man within a fortnight. The treatment consists of a drug known as Serum 114 being injected into the patient before making them sit through short films such as a man being beaten to a pulp, a woman being the sexual victim of several men, and a Nazi concentration camp film set to the soundtrack of Beethoven's ninth symphony. Alex begins to feel sick during the films and the doctors insist that it's part of the cure. Alex's love for music and Beethoven in general become one of the adverse effects of the treatment as the ninth symphony has the same effect on Alex as the urge to beat or rape someone would. Alex soon comes to realize that you can never go home again and that being a free man isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially after a treatment such as this.

It took 37 years after its initial theatrical release and 24 years of being alive on this planet (the original viewing of this film was in 2008) to finally get around to seeing A Clockwork Orange. The film starts and it makes the viewer feel like they've missed something entirely that everyone else already knows about, but as the film unravels it snowballs into a unique vision of cinema. There are shades of Altered States in A Clockwork Orange, but A Clockwork Orange feels much more polarizing in its presentation in comparison. Stanley Kubrick tries to shine this spotlight of beauty onto the most heinous of actions as the film’s classical score becomes the soundtrack to ferocious and almost inhuman desires. This is Kubrick’s adaptation of the 1962 novel of the same name written by Anthony Burgess and it’s incredible how the film is able to remain captivating over a two hour period.

The film has a stunning restoration on the two-disc Blu-ray anniversary edition. Kubrick always had a brilliant eye when it came to perspective and camera placement; the majority of that could be contributed to Kubrick’s frequent collaborations with cinematographer John Alcott. The long hallway shots and close-ups on memorably haunting facial expressions are some of the most significant scenes in the film. A Clockwork Orange is loaded with vibrant colors that make every frame jump off the screen despite the film nearing half a century in age. This was the first film to take advantage of Dolby Digital surround sound, which contributes to the film sounding as good as it does.

Even with Stanley Kubrick as director, A Clockwork Orange wouldn’t be the same without Malcolm McDowell. McDowell fits the Alex DeLarge role as perfectly as Robert Downey Jr fits Tony Stark; these actors are these characters. The speeches McDowell gives in the film along with how traumatized he is after the treatment process are two of the biggest takeaways after viewing the film. This was one of McDowell’s first on-screen roles, which is surprising given how enthralling he is. You will never think of, “Singin’ in the Rain,” the same way again after viewing A Clockwork Orange.

A Clockwork Orange is a unique expedition into insanity no matter how you look at it. The dialogue is unusual and the characters are this fantastic blend of bizarre and diabolical, but the film is consistently engrossing and never seems to lag. Prior to 1986, the A Clockwork Orange novel was published in the US without its final chapter and that’s the version of the film Kubrick adapted. Anthony Burgess praised Kubrick’s version of the film despite this, which is more than what Stephen King did with Kubrick’s adaptation of The Shining. Every shot in A Clockwork Orange grabs your attention largely in part to how it’s presented or the colors that leap off the screen. The novel is written in a way that’s difficult to read and that often translates on-screen. Like most of Kubrick’s work, A Clockwork Orange is for a specific audience. It is perhaps what Malcolm McDowell is known best for and probably shouldn’t be recommended to just anyone since it would likely soar over a modern day moviegoer. This isn’t the type of film to have on in the background while you text or play games on your phone. Ultraviolence is something you have to embrace and give your undivided attention to.

This is viewed by some as one of the greatest sci-fi films ever by some, but it isn’t any less pretentious than the rest of Stanley Kubrick’s work. A Clockwork Orange is mesmerizing with a performance from Malcolm McDowell that leaves a long lasting impact, but its affinity to utilize difficult to decipher jargon, nonstop innuendo being slammed into your face, and overuse of animalistic violence shackles the film from being more appealing to a wider audience. From a personal standpoint, A Clockwork Orange is one of Kubrick's best but it's easy to understand why it wouldn't be for everyone.
  
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Kristy H (1252 KP) rated Pulp in Books

Mar 6, 2019  
Pulp
Pulp
Robin Talley | 2018 | Fiction & Poetry, LGBTQ+, Young Adult (YA)
9
9.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Beautiful well-written story with lovely characters
In 2017, Abby Zimet is struggling. Things are tough at home--her parents can barely stand to be in the same room together. Plus, Abby and her girlfriend, Linh, broke up in June. Abby thought it would only be temporary, but now school has started, and here they are: still friends, still broken up. Abby can't seem to concentrate on school or her senior project. That is until she discovers 1950s lesbian pulp fiction. In particular, a book called "Women of the Twilight Realm." Abby becomes obsessed with the author, who wrote under the name Marian Love. If Abby can somehow track down Marian, maybe life won't be so bad after all. Cut to 1955, where eighteen-year-old Janet Jones is in love with her best friend, Marie. It's a huge secret: one that could destroy their lives and that of their families. Marie is trying to get her security clearance with the State Department, after all. But when Janet finds a book at the bus station by an author called Dolores Wood, which features women falling in love with women, she starts to realize she isn't alone. And Janet, an aspiring writer, begins to wonder if there's more out there than the life that's always been planned for her.


"Janet had never understood, not until she turned the thin brown pages of Dolores Wood's novel, that other girls might feel the way she did. That a world existed outside the one she'd always known."


I loved this book so incredibly much that I can't even really explain it. It was captivating and beautiful and tragic and just appealed to me on so many levels. I have always been interested in lesbian pulp fiction since doing a project on it for a Queer Studies class in college, so it was so fascinating to read about Abby's research within the pages of this novel.

Talley effortlessly weaves so many narratives within this one that it sort of leaves you breathless at times. We have Abby's narrative, Janet's narrative, and then excerpts from the book by Marian Love that Abby grows to love so much, "Women of the Twilight Realm." The parallels are really striking between Abby and Janet, as each are discovering lesbian pulp fiction in their own era and using it to grow and learn about themselves.

Even more, we see how much things have changed between the 1950s and 2017. It's horrifying to see what Janet (and the entire gay community) had to endure, and the book really serves to educate on how terrible things were then. While I knew bits and pieces about the Lavender Scare, its ties to our actual characters here really brings it home. I have to say, I just adored Janet. She seems so incredibly real, and I just fell for her and her incredible strength and bravery. I think she will remain one of my favorite characters in lesbian fiction (and all fiction) for all time.

As for Abby, I really liked her too, although in some of her sections, I was more captivated by her research than her story. Still, she presents a poignant tale of a young bisexual trying to find herself, and I appreciated the diverse set of characters with whom she surrounds herself. Abby and her friends stand in stark contrast to Janet in their sexual freedoms, but, in many ways, they aren't so different at heart.


"That was the best part of being in love. The way it set the rest of the world on mute."


I just really really loved this book. It has so much of what I love--lesbians, diverse characters, passionate and realistic storylines, well-done research, literary references and ties. Reading Janet and Abby's stories took me back to a time when I wasn't yet out and when I had first come out--when the world wasn't yet so forgiving (not that it always is, but things were pretty different even 15+ years ago). I remember how much comfort books provided me, how wonderful it was to realize I wasn't alone in the world. I love how well this book shows that fact, and how the books-within-the book are almost their own characters.

Overall, I can't recommend this one enough. It's just a beautiful, well-written story, and, to top it off, it's informative to boot. The characters are lovely, the story is amazing, and it really leaves you feeling a bit awed. Highly recommend.

I received a copy of this novel from the publisher and Netgalley in return for an unbiased review (thank you!).
  
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Alien: Covenant (2017)
2017 | Horror, Sci-Fi
Ridley Scott has followed “Prometheus” with the film that eschews the is it or isn’t it a prequel question by firmly establishing its ties to his landmark film “Alien”. The title of the film “Alien Covenant” leaves little doubt as to what franchise this film is connected to and does a very solid job of connecting elements of the franchise without being as nebulous, divisive, and confusing as its predecessor.

The film follows a colony ship named Covenant which is on an extended mission of colonization approximately 7 years away from their destination. A crew of 15 watches over approximately 2000 colonist and frozen embryos as they attempt to build a new life on a distant world. When an unexpected event jeopardizes the ship the crew was revived and forced into action to deal with the unexpected consequences that have arisen. The ship synthetic lifeform named Walter (Michael Fassbender), and crew quickly assess the damage and plot a course to repair the ship and continue on their journey.

During the course of the repairs a garbled transmission is discovered by the ship’s pilot Tennessee “Danny McBride”. What appears to be a human transmission only a relatively short distance away from the ship is too enticing to pass up for Captain Oram (Billy Crudup), even though ship’s officer Daniels (Katherine Waterston), believes that it is simply too good to be true and questions how a planet that seems to meet all of their needs alluded their initial scans. Undaunted, the ship set up to explore the mysterious planet and find a beautiful world that seems to be an ideal fit for colonization. Things take an unexpected change when a dangerous situation arises and before long the crew finds themselves facing an unexpected series of dangers of horrors and unable to evacuate thanks to a violent storm in the area.

They are eventually taken in by the android David (Michael Fassbender), who relays that he has been stranded on planet 10 years following the events of the Prometheus mission. David bonds with his “brother” Walter will the crew try to make sense of the situation as they believe there is much more to the story than they have been told.

When much larger dangers arise the crew must rally to survive against a nightmare situation that has the potential to threaten not only their ship and crew but perhaps all of humanity.
This time out director Ridley Scott has not shied away from giving fans deadly creatures and action that many felt was sadly missing from “Prometheus”. While the film certainly isn’t in the same caliber as “Alien” and “Aliens”, I did find it more enjoyable than the two subsequent films that followed and significantly more enjoyable than “Prometheus”. Yes there are still some nebulous elements to the story that will hopefully be addressed in the subsequent films and one could argue that a good portion of this film was basically a set up for the next film that his planned follow-up. However very strong performances by Fassbender, McBride, and Waterston, as well as the incredible visual effects and highly detailed sets really make this a fun and exciting adventure. While most of the cast does exist is little more than fodder for the various dangers in the film there is effort given to at least give them a little bit of back story and relate ability so you have some sympathy towards their outcome. The mixing of new and familiar creatures bodes very well for the future the franchise and the film was gripping from start to finish and certainly provided plenty of entertainment.

I really love the look of the ship and was intrigued by the potential that the film established as toward the direction of the series. While it does tread on some of the thematic elements of the previous films such as the whole nature of creation and existence, it is not as heavy handed and cerebral and finds a much better balance between horror, action, science fiction, and metaphysical questions.

From a fans perspective this is much more of the film that I was expecting when “Prometheus” was first announced and hopefully this is a very good omen for the direction that future films will follow since the intention has been established of linking the new films to the events of the original movie. If you are fan of the series you will definitely want to check this out as it has been my favorite film of the summer to date and I look forward to seeing it again soon.

http://sknr.net/2017/05/16/alien-covenant/
  
Confessions of an Expat in Paris
Confessions of an Expat in Paris
8
8.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
I’ve been a fan of Vicki Lesage for years. I’ve read both Confessions of a Paris Party Girl and Confessions of a Paris Potty Trainer. So I was thrilled when she contacted me for an honest review (click here to learn how to get me to review your book).

Paris Potty Girl details her first few years in Paris, from bar-hopping to getting her first apartment to meeting her husband and Paris Potty Trainer, of course, details pregnancies and getting used to parenthood.

Confessions of an Expat in Paris is an anthology of anecdotes spanning across both these eras in Vicki Lesage’s life. You’ll learn about the cheesy and downright weird pick-up lines she received from French guys as well as the time she might have eaten part of her friend’s thumb.


Yep, you read that last sentence right.
Each anecdote is paired with a drink recipe, many of which sound really good. I can’t wait to try the mulled gin recipe.

Mulled Gin
For when you need to recover from face mask fails
1 bottle of red wine
12 oz. gin
1 teaspoon honey
1 oz. orange juice
1 oz. lemon juice
1 cinnamon stick
Add all the ingredients to a pot
Stir and Simmer until honey is dissolved
Serve warm
I really enjoyed Expat in Paris. The stories are usually hilarious and sometimes just a little bit cringy in a good way. Others are sweet and make me smile, like when she was on her honeymoon with her husband.

With her first two books, I felt like there was more of an overall story instead of disjointed anecdotes. As much as I liked being able to enjoy a quick and witty snapshot of her life before I had to get back to my own, I think I preferred the more continuous storyline in Party Girl and Potty Trainer.

While some of the stories were without a doubt hilariously absurd, like her boss’s father asking about how her vaginal rejuvenation was coming along in front of her coworkers (what the everloving fuck), others were less climactic. Lesage included an entire chapter about how she’s an awkward dancer, except when she did the Dirty Dancing move with her brother on her wedding.


A perfect wedding dance move.
The dancing chapter felt more like a summary than a specific moment in her life, which made my eyes glaze over. And she only casually mentioned what could have been some good stories, like her drunkenly dancing on tabletops in public. I would have loved a complete chapter about one of those times, but they are only mentioned now and then.

Vicki Lesage often makes me laugh out loud when reading her books. Her chapter “10 Ways Living in Paris is Like Dental Work” will always make me smile. She talks about how both involve interesting flavors, a lot of paperwork, and a lot of money, and I’ll go “Oh shit, she’s right.”

Now and then, however, her jokes miss the mark. At one point she veered off-topic to stage an imaginary trial to defend herself against herself for eating so much Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and then, within the trial, she goes even more off-topic by talking about how France doesn’t have Phish Food flavor until I just wanted to skip the chapter.


As of this review, I still haven’t tried any of the drink recipes, but I trust a former hardcore drinker like Vicki Lesage to come up with some good drinks, although I don’t think I’ll ever try The Fluoride Treatment because, well, ew. Not the drink itself, but the name. Even though it’s relevant to the chapter, I’m weirdly squeamish.

However, most of these drinks are probably not for amateurs like me, who drink wine out of a box and can’t tell the difference between Stella Artois and Schlitz (I’m guessing. I’ve never actually had Schlitz. But Stella Artois tastes like every other beer to me).

With the exception of the mulled gin, most of the drink recipes require either a martini shaker or a blender. You can probably mostly pull off these recipes without either, though. Just don’t take a page out of Lesage’s book and use lite pancake syrup instead of honey.

I rate Confessions of an Expat in Paris 4 out of 5 stars. It’s a hilarious book that I recommend to anyone who wants a light-hearted memoir.