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Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
2015 | Action, Sci-Fi
The Force is strong in this one...
Like so many of us, I had theorised what would happen in this movie based on the influx of teaser trailers online, and I'm happy to say, I was wrong on nearly everything! I like being surprised, and this film was just that. A very pleasant surprise. It's Star Wars, like Star Wars should be. Not too heavy on the CGI, plenty of action interlaced with character-driven dialogue and sub-plots, and yes, someone says "I have a bad feeling about this..." which is just ace!

So, the story. (No spoilers here, promise!) We join the action some 30 years after partying with the Ewoks on Endor. The Empire is no more, yet, like an evil phoenix, The First Order has risen from its ashes and is doing much the same thing—being awful to everyone and trying to rule the galaxy. Same old, same old.

There are plenty of new faces—the three main ones effectively being modern-day retellings of our old favourites. First up is Oscar Isaac's excellent Poe Dameron, who is this year's Han Solo. A hot-shot rebel fighter pilot, with rogue-ish good looks, a cheeky grin, and wise-cracking dialogue.

Then, we have the Stormtrooper with a conscience, played by John Boyega. A really good performance by him, and despite his character’s beginnings, it doesn't take long for you to genuinely care what happens to him. He's this year's Luke Skywalker, definitely.

And finally, there's the mysterious Rey, the tough-as-nails tomboy who's hotter than you first realise, brought to life by the uber-talented, destined-for-great-things, Daisy Ridley. Not much is known about who she is, but she's this year's Princess Leia, without a doubt.

And that was the first thing that really struck a chord with me—how the film acknowledges the original characters, but gives them a twist for the newer, younger audience. The comparisons are immediate and obvious, but they work. Instead of the kick-ass princess, you have the hard-done-by street kid... instead of the teenager dreaming of escaping his dead-end life, you have one who struggles to accept he's not meant for the exciting one he has. Kids today will relate to these things, yet the film manages to keep the essence of what made the main characters from the classic films so memorable.

We also have the new lovable droid, BB-8, who, like R2-D2 so many years ago, unwittingly finds itself with a garbled message in its memory banks, and in the possession of one of our heroes.

In much the same way that Episode IV didn’t hang about getting Darth Vader on the screen, it's not long before we're treated to our first look at the big bad—Kylo Ren. Let's run through the checklist:

• Looks cool wearing black? Check.
• Masked, with scary voice? Check.
• Mean? Check.

So, Mr. Ren starts out doing everything we would expect, which is nice. We know he's working with The First Order, we know he's looking for something... so far, so Star Wars.

The film moves along at a good pace. Plenty of action and fighting, slowed down by great interaction between the main cast where needed. Then we start getting drip-fed the old-timers, which is where the fanboy in you will get really excited. We first get a look of Han Solo and Chewbacca, which we already knew from the trailers, when Han says, "Chewy, we're home." Harrison Ford steps back into the role like putting on an old pair of shoes—a little awkward at first, but you soon remember how comfortable they are, and you're off and running in no time. It's almost like he's not played any other part since 1983 (and after Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I bet sometimes Mr. Ford wishes that were the case!). Accompanied by his long-time friend, he effortlessly goes through the motions as the scoundrel looking to make some money, but always ending up owing someone more than he has.

It's not long before a twist of fate puts him and Chewy alongside our new heroes, and they're on their way to see another familiar face, Princess Leia. Except she's not a Princess anymore, she's the General of the Resistance. I won't say too much about her, as her parts in the film are integral to the main storyline, and I don't want to ruin it. Suffice to say, like any couple reuniting after 30 years, her and Han are a joy to watch on screen together.

I don't want to delve into the storyline too much, because a) you've probably pieced together the gist of it from all the trailers, and b) it's hard to do without telling you things you won't know if you haven't already seen it. So I'll leave it there, but will finish by saying it's a pleasure from start to finish, it cues up the inevitable sequels well, and it does nothing more than what it should do—it gives you a Star Wars experience that leaves you wanting to watch it again the moment it finishes.

So, the downsides. There aren't many, but, for me, there are some. They don't take away from the movie as a whole, but they detracted from the experience enough to make them worth mentioning, so here goes.

Princess/General Leia - I'm sorry, but poor Carrie Fisher has had so much Botox, I genuinely thought it was a different actress when she first appeared on camera. We see her go through an emotional reunion, some heartache, some humorous banter, some thrilling, edge-of-the-seat action, and a nail-biting, jaw-dropping finale... and not once did her expression change! Probably because it couldn't. She's the only one who looked like they were struggling to revive their character, because she didn't look like a natural, older version of herself… she looked like she was trying to be a younger version of herself, and it made me not want to see her as much as other characters.

Kylo Ren - This guy starts out as being awesome. His mask is suitably evil, his voice is menacing, his lightsabre is just brilliant… But then he takes his mask off. He's doing something (which I won't detail, but is another obvious and much-appreciated nod to the film's predecessors) and he just takes off his mask. Now, no disrespect to Adam Driver, but... have you seen Harry Potter? Well, Kylo Ren, without his mask, kinda looks like he's related in some distant, in-bred way, to Neville Longbottom. He continues with his evil gestures and scary intentions, but without the mask, you just kinda think... Really? Am I meant to be scared here? When I was a kid, Darth Vader terrified the hell out of me! This guy... you could probably flush his head and steal his lunch money, if he doesn't force-choke you beforehand.

I think he’s another Hayden Christensen—horribly miscast for an important role that could’ve defined the right actor’s career. Let's hope it doesn't end up ruining it for him. Should've kept the mask on, Kylo!

Captain Phasma - The name might not mean much to casual fans, but I’m referring to the chrome Stormtrooper who has inexplicably developed somewhat of a cult following since their appearance in the trailers. They’re the tall, imposing, assumed leader of the Stormtroopers, and certainly looks the part. However, that part is so insignificant, it’s like it was written in as an after-thought. The character will apparently play a more significant role in later films, but that’s hardly the point. We first see him at the beginning, and they’re all evil and shooty, which is fine. But then we see him only a couple of times after that and, at one point, he’s taken hostage in possibly the most unimposing, least-threatening way imaginable, and he just goes along with it. What the hell?! Oh, and I say “He”, but the character is actually played by a woman—Gwendoline Christie, the tall, sword-wielding blonde from Game of Thrones. Anyway…

The final thing that annoyed me a little bit is tough to talk about, because it's riddled with spoilers. But I shall simply say this: the way a certain character (who I haven't mentioned previously) was handled could've been done so much better than it was. That's it. I'll say no more. Watch the film, then read this again. You'll know what I mean.

So, to sum up. This is a great addition to the franchise, no doubt. But, forgetting it's Star Wars for a moment, it's simply a great film. It provides everything you would want from this genre, and it leaves you wanting more at the end (with a clear indication it's going to provide it at some point in the future). Now go. Enjoy. Even if you don't like Star Wars, it's worth a watch. Though I'm pretty certain after seeing it, you'll want to watch the others.
  
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Dana (24 KP) rated Empire of Storms in Books

Mar 23, 2018  
Empire of Storms
Empire of Storms
Sarah J. Maas | 2016 | Children
8
9.4 (22 Ratings)
Book Rating
This review will have a lot of spoilers for the books, so if you haven't read it, I suggest you turn away now. This is going to be a long review!

Let's start off with a character analysis section:

The Little Folk: I loved how they gave Aelin little gifts. I want more interaction with them in the next book!!

Elide Lochan: Elide doesn't see her own strength. She has been through hell, but still knows kindness and love. She has so much hope and is loyal to a fault. She loves Lorcan, but is constantly stopped by this idiocy. She has three freaking guardian angels: Aelin, Manon, and Aedion. She is a half-witch, which is cool! She was able to withstand the torment of the wyrdkey with little side effects! She is protected by the God of Death's consort which is cool because the God of Death is Lorcan's protector. She learns from and is strengthened by her crappy past. She can STILL LOVE AFTER EVERYTHING! Also, she is such a tricky schemer and a great liar!

Lorcan Salvaterre: He is a dummy and is too fixated on Maeve to see that he can have real love with Elide. He is death-protected by Hellas-and is a great hunter. He has a heart of gold underneath all that grime. He freaking makes Elide a brace for her ankle for goodness sake! Lorcan is vengeful as f, especially when Elide is threatened. I feel like he's going to be a big help to Aelin's course!

Aedion Ashryver: He's Bisexual!!! He is so in Love with Lysandra and is a flirtatious bastard. He doubts Aelin too much and questions her all the time. I get it, but it gets disheartening. He has a bad ass shot (that sea wyvern shot though!!) and is obviously a skilled warrior. He has an interestingly complicated relationship with his father. I love the the White Wolf of the North! I love his tattoo: the knot made of the courts' names!

Lysandra: Oh my goodness, she is so freaking strong! I love her powers! She is so protective of her girls, especially Evangeline. Her Snow Leopard and Sea Dragon forms are my favorite! She can and will conquer as many men as need be (mainly in killing, not sex). She loves Aedion and is so loyal to Aelin that she would literally become her.

Evangeline: She is the innocence of the group. When she goes, the group is harder and lacks the absolute faith that everything will be alright.

Fleetfoot: I love her, that is all.

Dorian Havillard: A king without a kingdom. He is a boy with powers he has no idea how to control. A boy whose friends left him. He has to learn his powers alone like he has all his life. He is trusting but questions things-he knows when he should hold back. He loves Manon and oh my sweet goodness, that cabinet scene. He is great at riddles too!

Mannon Blackbeak: OUR QUEEN!!!! She protects her own and can let go of prejudices when she needs to do the best for her people. She is so savage! She is a great leader willing to die for her thirteen. I can't wait until she kills her grandmother. SHE WILL BRING PEACE FOR HER PEOPLE!!!!! She obviously has feelings for Dorian.

Abraxos: He is the best damned wyvern ever. Even though Manon tells him to "go hide," he finds a freaking army and saves the day!

Gavriel: He's not the best dad, but he's working on it! He is too loyal to Maeve, but he cares about people. He is a lot more emotional than I would have guessed. Lol, Uncle Kitty-Cat.

Fenrys: He is such a sarcastic little ass, but a great warrior (both in the battlefield and in bed ;D). He kinda reminds me of Cassian. His situation sucks with Maeve because both he and his brother are basically prisoners and sex objects for the queen. I hope he will find a way to break the blood bond for him and his brother to help Aelin. Also, WINNOWING!!!

Queen Maeve: She is a witch with a capital B and I hate her.

Erawan: Power hungry as hell.

Elena: She is so dumb. I get it, she made a mistake, but she was still dumb. She acts before thinking and doesn't understand sacrifice or strategy. She pushed a war onto a group of children for goodness sake!

Rowan Whitethorn: He has come such a long way since Heir of Fire. He is so emotional and a freaking worry wart, loyal and trusting as hell, but he is still bad ass. He lets his woman fight when she needs to. He embraces the past mistakes of his friends and family. He is a horny little hawk. HE IS AELIN'S MATE AND HUSBAND!!! And he is the KING OF TERRASAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Strategic as hell-the thing with the Whitethorn cousins-hell yes! When he gets his hands on Maeve, shit will go down! VENGEANCE WILL BE HIS and Maeve will die horribly!! His reaction when he found out Aelin was captured was gut wrenching! Also, I loved it when he called Aelin Milady. Freaking great!

Aelin Ashryver Galanthys: She is always 500 steps ahead of everyone else. She shuts everyone down with her witty comebacks. She lets Aedion think the worst of her because she doesn't want to get their hopes up. She is not too trusting but is willing to sacrifice herself for everyone else. "But your faces are so wonderful when I get to reveal them." WOW AELIN!! When Deanna took over Aelins super power moment-I was terrified. I hate that she has to sacrifice herself. I just want her to be happy!! I loved how she pulled all of the characters from The Assassin's Blade into this! She's bloody brilliant! Using all of those Life Debts!! Her reaction to Elide is heartbreaking. Killing all of the Valg was great! When she slipped into the Celeana person, I go so freaking excited!! She was so close to settling and Maeve had to freaking ruined it all! She could have lived forever and been so happy!

Now onto some plot analysis:

So this book had a pretty awesome start since we got a flashback to the first war with Elena and Erawan. I love the little history throughout the book! The flashbacks with Elena and Nehemia were so freaking sad. I cried when they talked about Nehemia and Aelin's respective sacrifices. I feel like we get to go deeper into the history even though this is the second to last book!

Nicknames in all of Sarah J Maas' books are so cute! I love how Aelin and Rowan call each other Fireheart and Buzzard.

Family (especially chosen and made family) is so important in all of Sarah J Maas' books. Characters are willing to die to protect those they love and I think that's something important to put into books. The fact that you can always find a home in your people is very nice to see.

Women are the ones to be truly feared in this series because they have the most power. They are all so badass and never take shit from the male characters!

The multiple PoVs were very well done. As you may have realized from my other reviews, I am not a fan on multiple PoV novels much, so the fact I loved this one is great!

I think it was really cool how each character is being guided by at least one God. I have a crackpot theory about this that connects this series to the ACOTAR series. So it is stated multiple times that the Gods want to "go home" because they are trapped, right? So what if they are our Night Court Crew? Some of the descriptions of the powers fit!

I loved how SJM described the process of the magic weilding.

There was a great plot structure and pacing.

The Mycenians are so interesting! I called it that Rolfe was a Mycenian before I got to that part!
I want to know what Rowan said to Rolfe back at Skull's Bay.

All the ships got to have fun time together. Well, except for Elide and Lorcan.

I wish we could have had Choal and Nesryn in this book, but I understand why we didn't.

One thing I didn't like was how similar some of the plot points and characters were to ACOTAR and ACOMAF. Even thought they're both by SJM, I wish there wasnt' as much overlap.

Overall, I loved this book--a few thinggs could have been changed to keep it more significantly different from ACOTAR but it was still great.

Some Quotes I loved:

"Because destroying a symbol can break the spirits of men as much as bloodshed." (44)

"To call in old debts and promises. To raise an army of assassins and thieves and exiles and commoners. To finish what was started long, long ago." (72)

"One does not deal with Celeana Sardothian. One survives her." (241)

"Even when this world is a forgotten whisper if dust between the stars, I will love you." (350)
  
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Emma @ The Movies (1786 KP) rated Avengers: Endgame (2019) in Movies

Jun 22, 2019 (Updated Sep 25, 2019)  
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
2019 | Sci-Fi, Thriller
Contains spoilers, click to show
I'm not really sure where to start with this so settle in for a ride. I've tried to avoid major spoilers but some of the things I've written might give away or hint at events in Endgame so please don't read this until you've seen it at the cinema.

We were left forlorn in the wilds of Wakanda after Thanos' snap in Infinity War. 50% of every living creatures on the planet, on every planet, wiped out of existence. Thanos has set off in his retirement while our heroes are reassembling. What's left of the team is trying to get back to a normal life, saving the world, saving each other. Some are moving on, some are stuck on the past, all are lost.

I wrote more notes for this than I've written for any other movie. It was so much of a problem that I condensed the original and then recondensed them into collected topics. I'm vaguely going to go in chronological order, let's do it!

We open with Hawkeye. The scene was simple and effective to help line up the change in him, but it wasn't the tone I expected for the beginning of the film. You have to start it somehow, and I don't know how I thought they would but tonally it didn't say "Marvel" to me. In the trailers we see his darker side coming through, after seeing the film I can't help but wonder if they needed to do this to him. It felt a little like they were just doing it to use for one scene. Clint is a stand-up guy, he would have been there for them regardless in this situation.

As we recap on what's happening in the wake of the snap we find Nebula and Tony attempting to return from Titan on the Guardian's ship. For me, Nebula was the best bit of the whole film. The scenes with Tony are wonderful and touching, she's able to make a connection that she's never really had before and her transformation through the film is a delight.

Something at this point that I feel I should bring up is the partnership that we witness. Tony and Nebula, Nebula and War Machine, Rocket and Thor. We're given lots of different Marvel Mash-ups with great results. Nebula, in particular, shone through in these. Watch out for her with Rhodey.

Steve, Cap, is very much in control throughout this movie, in leadership as well as of his emotions. He still has his positive outlook on life but even when it wanes he's determined. Visually they've left you no room to wonder on whether he is the first Avenger, he leads into a room and he gets a lot of shots that frame him perfectly. But he has changed... on more than one occasion I found myself going "Language, Steve!" I was unsure about his support group in the trailer and after the full scene it felt like it was just there to set up occurrences towards the end of the film. You'd be forgiven for thinking this was actually a Captain America film, it felt much more like one than Civil War did.

Before coming to Endgame one of the things I had been thinking about was how Scott was going to return from the quantum realm. What happens kind of feels like they had no idea how they were going to do it, and it was frustrating and leaves you with questions about what happened in the five years since the snap. There's also a potential horror movie spin-off teased in Scott's walk through San Francisco, he encounters a kid on a bike... classic horror movie moment in that scene.

Nat gets to flex her leadership muscles in the post-snap world trying to keep a new band of Avengers together. Still based in the Avengers complex she's coordinating with members around the world and out in space. We finally see some genuine raw emotion from her as they search for Hawkeye as he's off on his... well what is it? Redirected revenge? She's always had a trusted position with Fury and it seems like his dusting has pushed her to step up.

Carol is back after her recent debut... I still don't think we can call her Captain Marvel when no one else does. I still don't like her, I can't help it. She's cocky and she doesn't seem to have any desire to actually work with the team. If there's anything that I got from this film it's that Black Widow should have had her own film already rather than introducing Carol at the last minute. She's not really a massive feature of the film and her inclusion feels almost like they needed to a solution to a problem and she was the quickest way to fix it.

Now we get to the point where I had some major upset. In my opinion, Marvel have done wrong by Bruce/Hulk and Thor. I saw a spoiler on Twitter for Bruce that I hoped was fan-inspired, but when we get to him in the film I sat in annoyed silence as those around me murmured with excitement. As far as Thor goes, I can see why they made the choices they did with him but it felt like they just turned him into a joke, and that didn't sit right with me at all. Just one small step back from what they did and they would have nailed it, but it felt like they just went for the cheap laugh at his expense.

So it's time to talk about time travel, I think we all knew that we could expect to see it in some way or another in Endgame. Tony and Bruce obvious have a big hand in this one, and it was nice to see them acknowledging the "normal" person discussion of time travel with film references. Outside of that though they threw a lot of complicated script at it, it felt like a very random step away from how they usually deal with technical things in the universe.

From the one hour point of the movie(ish) everything starts to pick up, up until then I wasn't loving the film, and that was upsetting to me. What follows from the quantum suit walk is a lot of fun. There are a lot of nostalgic moments that brought humour and a fun layer to the older films and we get what is probably the most satisfying moment of the entire MCU.

Visually this is one of the better films in the sequence. Shots weren't overly cluttered and so busy that you couldn't see what was happening, and there were a lot more poignant visuals. There are however a few that make me think they had to be reshot because you get very specific angles that give you the back of someone's head and the audio sounds slightly off to the rest of the scene.

Two things left to specifically mention...

The women of Marvel. For so many films we had very few female heroes, certainly none that got their fair share of coverage until The Wasp, Captain Marvel and an excellent female ensemble in Black Panther. I'm all for more female characters but I think Endgame went too far. There is one scene near the end that felt more like they were worried they hadn't had enough women on screen and they really packed them in, it felt awkward rather than awesome.

Stan Lee's cameo. It wasn't the usual fun we're used to. Fleeting and forgettable. Stan deserved better, this just didn't feel right. I even briefly wondered if it was actually him.

For me, Endgame wasn't the finale that we deserved. It wasn't better than Infinity War but I don't think that it could have been because of how much it had to bring to the table. I went and saw it twice because I like to see the 3D and 2D when they come out, it was actually one of the better 3D films I've seen on a regular screen.

I probably would have given this 3 stars, while I had fun watching it I came out both times feeling kind of "meh" about it. Nebula, America's ass and the epic moment in the finale, as well as a few other amusing moments, bumped it up slightly. I sadly found that first hour rather challenging and couldn't get on board with some of the character choices that were made.

What you should do

Let's face it, you're going to watch it if you've invested time in watching all the Marvel movies and I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I'm aware I'm in a minority with my feelings about this, but not everyone can feel the same way about everything. What a world it would be if we could.

Movie thing you wish you could take home

I'd still like an infinity stone... but I don't know which one.
  
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
2014 | Action, Sci-Fi
There's a lot of good, fun, over-the-top, explosive action! (2 more)
Age of Extinction features an incredible showcase of special effects.
Great acting from Tucci and Grammar, and a solid new star for the franchise with Mark Wahlberg.
With a 2 hour and 45 minute run-time, the movie goes on far too long and loses steam before the finale. (1 more)
The plot is completely overloaded with enough content to easily cover two films.
Transformers: Age of Extinction is a fun summer movie that sticks to Michael Bay's usual mode of operation, but it's jam-packed and overly ambitious, stretching the run time far longer than it ever should.
After the events of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, referred to in the film as The Battle of Chicago, the surviving Autobots are being hunted to extinction. The United States government is bent on exterminating all Transformers, good and bad, believing them to be an unwelcome global threat. All the while, the hypocritical government has simultaneously partnered with a wealthy inventor who is trying to create his own superior, man-made variations of Transformers. Furthermore, they’re working with the help of the Transformer bounty hunter Lockdown to search out and annihilate Optimus Prime, the famed leader of the Autobots. Prime has been forced into hiding and has sent out a distress call encouraging his comrades to follow suit. When amateur inventor Cade Yeager inadvertently stumbles upon a disguised Optimus Prime, he helps to repair the damaged Transformer who must reunite with his remaining allies to fight for their right to live.

Before I dive into this review, I think I should inform you that I have not seen any of the previous Transformers movies. I should also note that I’m something of a Transformers hater. Despite pressure from family and friends who have praised the movie series, I have deliberately avoided every single one of the films. I never liked the cartoon as a kid, and while Transformers’ amalgamation of cars and robots may be a dream combination for most guys, I have very little interest in either. However, as a critic, I cannot let my own biases get in the way of giving fair judgment. After having watched Transformers: Age of Extinction, I can thankfully report that the film actually wasn’t half bad. While it’s not going to make a Transformers fan out of me, it was an entertaining, albeit overly-long, movie-going experience.

Age of Extinction is an action-packed ride, filled with the kind of over-the-top entertainment you would expect from a Michael Bay film. While Bay has developed something of a bad rap, there’s no denying his knack for fun and ridiculous action sequences. He’s a man who spares no expense when it comes to explosions and special effects, and this is where Bay is at his best. Love him or hate him, it’s hard to argue with his results as he’s surely one of the most successful directors of all time. However, clocking in at two hours and forty-five minutes, the high-speed action of Age of Extinction is exhausting and becomes tiresome long before the finale. Even when Bay slows things down, he keeps the camera overly busy with particle effects and constant movement. While all of that looks great in IMAX 3D, it feels like an endless visual barrage that is frankly a lot to take in. How many lens flares must a man endure in one movie? I understand the desire to make every shot exciting and visually striking, but I think Bay is trying to tackle too much on camera.

Similarly, Age of Extinction is trying to squeeze too much into its plot, which could almost be broken up into two entirely separate movies. We have the hunt for Optimus Prime and the Transformers by Lockdown and the CIA; Cade Yeager’s discovery of Prime and their ensuing alliance; the love story between Cade’s daughter and her boyfriend; the emergence of the Dinobots; as well as the man-made construction of new Transformers. The result is a fast-paced action movie that is convoluted and far too long. That’s not to say that what is there is bad, though. Awful love story aside, all of the other components of the story are solid and even pretty interesting. Kelsey Grammer puts in a good performance as the head of the CIA who is responsible for the extermination of the Transformers. Similarly, Stanley Tucci is great as Joshua Joyce, the brilliant inventor who is recreating human-controlled Transformers for military use. Yet I can’t help but think that Joyce’s plot would have been perhaps been better to save for a sequel. Sure, it offers a nice parallel between the two inventors and it also creates an opportunity for them to introduce some all-new Transformers, but aren’t the Dinobots enough? There’s so much going on in the film that the eagerly-anticipated Dinobots aren’t given much screen time at all. There is just an unreasonable amount of narratives going on in this movie, to the point where it’s hard to follow, and even harder to stay interested in. Instead of sitting on the edge of your seat during the climactic showdown, you’re probably going to be looking at your watch and wondering how much longer this movie can possibly go on.

While I’m no expert on Transformers, I think the film does an admirable job in bringing the robotic characters to life. Their appearance and animation are both impressive, and they’re typically a pretty fun bunch. I have to admit, though, that I was a bit jarred by the angry and violent demeanor of Optimus Prime. I thought he was supposed to be the good guy everyone looked up to? In Age of Extinction, he clearly has some anger management issues. While he might be the most skilled warrior out there, he sure doesn’t seem like much of a role model. Peter Cullen, the original voice of Optimus Prime, has one again returned to voice the character. John Goodman gives a stand-out voice performance as Hound, in a role he seemed to have a lot of fun with, and Ken Watanabe voices the Samurai-like Transformer known as Drift. All in all, there are a lot of Transformers in the movie, but there is hardly ample time to get to know most of them. I imagine many of them have been introduced in previous films, but for a newcomer like myself, I had a hard time distinguishing between quite a few of them. Then there are the Dinobots, which look awesome, but we’re not given a chance to know much of anything about them. It’s a shame that they’re reduced to feeling like unnecessary bookends to an already overly-crammed movie.

On the human side of things, Mark Wahlberg is enjoyable as the struggling inventor who scavengers through whatever he can to try to create a breakthrough invention. He brings a charming and heroic presence to his role, making him a character we can identify with and root for as he tries to assist the highly-targeted Transformers. T.J. Miller’s Lucas makes for a mildly humorous companion to Cade, although much of the film’s attempts at comedy feel forced and aren’t very funny. Then there’s Nicola Peltz as the skimpily-dressed, rebellious but brainy and innocent, party girl daughter Tessa. She fits right into Bay’s stereotypical sexist female lead who serves as little more than a damsel in distress and eye candy. Still, I don’t know who is worse; Tessa, or her rally car racing boyfriend Shane, played by Jack Reynor. I felt just as frustrated by them as Wahlberg does playing Tessa’s disgruntled and disapproving father. These two lovebirds are an annoying and unwanted addition that only further drag out the plot. While it was at first vaguely amusing to watch Cade freak out as the over-protective father, that shtick ended up getting old real quick. While Wahlberg makes a good new face for the franchise, I hope to God that he comes alone for the next one.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is a fun summer movie. Director Michael Bay sticks to his usual mode of operation with ridiculous action sequences, top of the line special effects, and a whole lot of explosions. If you’re looking for a movie with more flash than substance, Age of Extinction should be right up your alley. It’s jam-packed and overly ambitious, stretching the run time far longer than it ever should, but if offers plenty of dumb, fun entertainment. Transformers fans should be pleased, although the series still has yet to make a fan out of me.

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 9.22.14.)
  
Abstract Academy
Abstract Academy
2022 | Abstract Strategy, Card Game
There’s just something about a well-thought out and appealing box cover to really get you into it, am I right? Look at that graphic. The negative space used for the A and Y in AcademY is just sublime! Wait, I recognize those names on the box. Didn’t they also design some other games I enjoy? (1 minute later after consulting BGG) IT’S THE TEAM BEHIND TRUFFLE SHUFFLE, POINT SALAD, AND DOLLARS TO DONUTS?? I love those games! Oh, this is going to be good! AND it’s from Crafty Games? Boom. Gotta be a hit, I just know it. But where is all the food?

Abstract Academy is a card laying, hand management, pattern building game for two to four players. In it, players become art school students trying to impress their teachers. The only problem is that they must share a canvas, as the costs of school allow them very few luxuries. The player who can most effectively build masterpieces and satisfy all tested requirements over three rounds will ace the class and claim victory over the other starving artists.

DISCLAIMER 1: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T

DISCLAIMER 2: My current temporary housing did not want me to have great lighting for photos in this review. Please try to ignore the yellow tint; I do not enjoy over-editing game photos.


To setup, shuffle each deck type and place the decks on the table. The rulebook does not specify where, so just throw them wherever. This is a game about art, so be creative. Each player draws a hand of three Canvas cards (with the whitish back and colors on the faces). The starting Teacher’s Pet player will then reveal cards according to the round from the respective decks, per the rules and provided reference cards. Each round will reveal different sets of Assignment and Professor cards. Players also draw one Inspiration card and the game is ready to begin! Paintbrushes at the ready!
Turns could not be simpler: Play a Canvas card, and then Draw a Canvas card. Both of these actions are self-explanatory, but let me expound on this a bit. Once the first Canvas card has been played by the current Teacher’s Pet, each subsequent card must be played orthogonally adjacent to another card on the table. To define the size of the entire project’s canvas, players will be confined to a 4 x 4 grid of cards. Once a column (the cards that would lead a path to the opponent) has been completed with four cards, the rows gain special rules. Firstly, the row closest to each player becomes the “Home Row.” Players may only play cards into their own Home Row, unless the only legal place to play a card is in the opponent’s Home Row. Secondly, the Home Row and the row above it is now consider the Scoring Zone, and will dictate which cards are able to be used to satisfy Inspiration, Professor, and Assignment requirements for VP. Therefore, until the 4 x 4 grid has been solidified, players are unaware which cards may end up in their Home Rows or Scoring Zones!

Victory Points are earned by scoring the special requirements of Inspiration, Professor, and Assignment cards once the entire 4 x 4 grid of Canvas cards is complete. Oftentimes players will need to compare scores to determine which player earns the points. For example, the Moret Professor card states that five VP are earned when the player controls the “most color areas with four or more quadrants.” Each Canvas card is divided into four quadrants, and quadrants are colored with one of the primary colors. A “color area” is simply a connected network of the same color within the player’s Scoring Zone. So, to satisfy Professor Moret, the player who controls the most amount of color areas that are four quadrants or larger.

Assignment cards come in Red, Blue, and Yellow, and pertain to those colors. For example, the red “Get to the Point!” Assignment requires the “most red areas with only one quadrant.” So the assignment is asking players to dapple their canvas with unconnected red quadrants.

In stark contrast, the Inspiration card requirements resemble shapes of quadrants, as opposed to colors or numbers of quadrants. Most of the shapes on these cards are reminiscent of Tetris-style shapes, where players will score their Inspiration cards by building the correct shape of connected quadrants of the same color within their Scoring Zone.


Once these cards are all scored for the round, the Teacher’s Pet sets up for the next round per the rulebook/reference cards. The subsequent rounds will require alternate decks to reveal cards, or choice of decks. When the third and final round has been scored, the points are tallied and the victor is crowned! With a construction paper and macaroni crown, most likely. They ARE starving artists, after all.
Components. This game is a double-card-deck box with 90+ cards and a rulebook. The cards are great quality, but the true hero here is, and appropriately so, the artwork. Every card is very stylish, the Professors are all nods to real artists (well, except maybe not the promo), and it has just a really great look overall. While being played, it just has an amazing table presence. I like that a lot.

I struggled with assigning a score to this one for a few reasons. First, I like so much about this game, and I dislike a few things. I very much enjoy having so many ways to score points each round, as it keeps my mind busy with trying to put the puzzle together. The monkey wrench, though, is that when you start a round, you play cards that may not even end up in your Scoring Zone. As your hand is always three cards, it is difficult to really plan too far in advance to create a perfect Scoring Zone. Is that a bad thing? Maybe, but I think it is also quite necessary to add a little chaos to this specific game. I will explain what I mean in a bit. Perhaps a few points docked for that.

Playing Canvas cards effectively is absolutely the crux of this game, because if a pattern or shape is being built to your benefit, your opponent can easily (and definitely accidentally) ruin your best laid plans with an ill-placed card to wonkify the grid. I think that is both delicious and very very frustrating. You know what? I will decide to give a few points back for this.

The ability for the Teacher’s Pet, a title that can be passed to the other player throughout the game, to choose which two of the three Assignment decks to reveal during Round 3 just adds to the replayability factor of Abstract Academy. True, there are only five cards in each Assignments deck, and there are mathematical or statistical formulae that can calculate the exact number of possible different unique games, the ever-changing grid of cards is what makes this nearly infinitely replayable. Okay, more points earned here.

I guess I judged too harshly, and my true rating is a little lower than perhaps this little game deserves. I absolutely know that I will be playing this a whole lot more – with gamers of all ages and weight preferences. It is easy to teach, keeps the brain engaged throughout, and forces players to step back and truly appreciate that which they have equally built together. I can completely foresee my score for Abstract Academy increasing with more and more plays, so please do not regard a 4 / 6 from Purple Phoenix Games as an absolute and inflexible score.

If you are a gamer who enjoys just a little chaos added to their careful planning, light and quick card games that pack more punch than expected, and some truly awesome table presence, then you most certainly need to grab a copy of Abstract Academy. I am soon to be culling my collection and curating it to only include games I thoroughly enjoy. I have a feeling Abstract Academy is going to make the cut. It checks off so many boxes for me and how I game, and I cannot wait to introduce my kiddos to it when they can grasp the concepts.
  
Destinies
Destinies
2021 | Adventure, Exploration, Fantasy, Medieval
I can recall so many instances of my board game purchases being based on either the designer, artist, or publisher. Surely I am not alone here. Josh will probably always be a Stonemaier Games fanboy. Laura has aligned herself with Daily Magic Games and Button Shy Games. While I am a big fan of the Valeriaverse, I think my current preferences put me on teams Weird Giraffe Games, Blue Orange Games, and Lucky Duck Games. Speaking of the latter, LDG have come through with some seriously excellent hybrid app-driven games that just wow me every single time. I was definitely a hybrid game naysayer when the first Chronicles of Crime came out, but the more I play them, the more I appreciate the accomplishments. Destinies has now come along to me and it has been some time since I have been this jazzed to play a game over and over and over and over.

Destinies is a hybrid app-driven adventure board game for one to three players. In it, players will be choosing their characters and how to play them, along with the path of their individual destinies across several campaign scenarios. When playing multiplayer, the player who completes their destiny first will win. When playing solo (which is also amazing), the player wins when they successfully complete their destiny.

DISCLAIMER: We are using the Kickstarter version of the game. We do have the expansions from the KS campaign, but will not be using those for this review. Also, we do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rule book, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy from the publisher directly or from your FLGS. -T


Usually I list out the steps to setup a game in this section, but there are so many little items and steps to be taken that I will simply show you, the reader, how a scenario may look once setup. The app will instruct players how to create their character’s stats and which map tiles should be placed out initially. Typically, though, each player will receive a player board, Destiny card (with their character headshot on one side and their Destiny choices on back), two main dice, three effort dice, and one gold coin. Once setup, the app will drive the story along and the players will be rolling dice and making choices in order to win the game or scenario.
Each player will be given their Destiny card with two distinct Destiny paths on the backside. These paths correlate with the current scenario, and the player will be able to choose one of the two given paths to help move their games forward. However, sometimes players will switch their Destiny mid-game due to several factors including successes on previous tasks or current inventory. The only way to win the game is to complete a Destiny, so staying on track is paramount in this open sandbox game – it is incredibly easy to become sidetracked and lose sight of specific tasks to be performed.

Each turn a player may move to a new tile, to previously-explored tiles, or points of interest on specific map tiles. These points of interest could be unique characters to be visited, or more general spaces on the tile represented by tokens. Sometimes visiting a POI (point of interest) will have the player rolling dice to complete tests, initiating trade with the POI NPC, revealing information about their distinct Destiny, or even issuing side quests. Players take their chances by visiting a POI because only one may be visited on a turn. Once a player has moved and visited a POI, their turn is over and the next player’s turn begins.

The most interesting aspect of this game is the experience tracker and results of tests. Player stats are divided between Intelligence, Dexterity, and Power (Strength for my D&D readers). These stats are constantly in flux due to tests and experience, and levels range from 1-12+ on the player board. A player will roll both main dice and any effort dice they wish on each test, and the total result is compared to the discs present on the main player board. One success is counted for each disc’s value equal to or below the rolled result. For example, if the roll is a 6, and the player has a disc on 3 and another on 6 the player counts two successes. Effort dice add values to the rolled result, and one side of these dice depict a star, which counts as one success. Throughout the game players will be moving their skill marker tokens (discs) up and down the tracks. Sometimes this is due to a test being failed or succeeded, but sometimes experience tokens are earned. A player may improve their skill levels by two total values on the tracks for each experience token discarded. Players may choose which tracks, and may maximize their character’s skill or spread out the experience across multiple skills.


Play continues in this fashion of referencing the app for story and plot items, players working toward completing their Destinies, and adventuring across the land rolling tests and improving skills until one player finishes their Destiny and wins the game!
Components. As always, I am going to be honest here by stating I believe that Destinies packs the box with the best components I have seen in a game. The multi-layered insert is perfectly formed and well-thought out, all the cardboard tokens are super-thick, the dice are so fun to handle and roll, the cards and other components feature incredible artwork, and did I mention there’s about a thousand minis in this game? I am reluctant to even call some of these things minis as they are large and in charge for SURE. I have zero complaints or comments on the components present in Destinies. Lucky Duck knocks it out of the park once again. Incredible.

I actually backed this one on Kickstarter just because it comes from Lucky Duck Games. I had played Chronicles of Crime and loved it, and just wanted to try something different but using a similar system. Typically I don’t keep up with the comments and updates to a game I have backed because I enjoy being surprised by the product that arrives at my door. Destinies was certainly a surprise to me, and I have been kicking myself in the butt for not getting it to the table the very first day I received it.

Destinies is my favorite Lucky Duck Games title, and that is saying a ton, as I rave about every game of theirs I have played. I hope you all back me up here, and if you haven’t yet tried this one, I hope you visit your closest friend or board game cafe that owns it. The tutorial scenario is great, and the campaign scenarios have been awesome so far. Okay, yes, when I first played it with Laura, my wife made several comments about it being a 3 hour game, but once that first one is completed, the subsequent plays run much smoother.

What I love so much about this is how indefinitely expandable it is. Most of the components are multi-use (akin to all the character cards in the Chronicles of Crime games), and can be used in campaign after campaign. The drawbacks I see for this, though, is any sort of waning interest in it forcing designers to abandon plans to create more scenarios. Could a new scenario pack be an acceptable expansion versus a large expansion box with oodles of new components and minis? I think so, but I am no designer. Could the Millennium Series treatment be given to Destinies? Absolutely! This system does not need to be played in a medieval fantasy world. It could be molded to almost anything, and that gives me excited shivers over the future of this game.

If you are anything like me and have now embraced the hybrid gaming trend, I highly recommend Destinies. I plan to also review all the expansions in the near future, so do look out for those, but please do yourself a giant favor and pick up Destinies. The excellent storytelling, great components, and just amazing fun helps Purple Phoenix Games give this one a perfectly deserved 12 / 12, and a Golden Feather Award! I can’t stop thinking about it and how I would play it differently next time, and hopefully after I have played through the expansion material I will be able to restart from the very beginning with different characters and choices. It’s a sign of a great game when I can’t stop thinking about it, and I do believe Destinies currently is knocking at the door of my Top 10 Games of All Time. No, it’s there. It’s totally there. TOP 10 BABY!!
  
Whirling Witchcraft
Whirling Witchcraft
2021 | Fantasy
What is the thing that first draws you into a game? Is it talk of the gameplay and mechanics? Maybe you’ve had a good experience with the designer? Or perhaps the artwork is what catches your eye? For me, I’ve gotta say it’s not only the artwork, but the components as well. Obviously, we’re no strangers to board games, so scrolling through our feeds we see countless pictures of cards, boards, meeples, etc. It’s when a game has an interesting new component that it really pops out to me. Enter Whirling Witchcraft and its 3D cardboard cauldrons! It certainly got my attention, but does the game itself deserve a place on my shelves? Spoiler – it does, but keep reading to find out why!

Whirling Witchcraft is a game of simultaneous action selection and variable powers in which players take on the roles of witches creating various ingredients to be used in future potions. The neighboring witches are always on the lookout for new recipes, so of course you’ll share those secrets and even some ingredients with them!…….BUT these ingredients can be volatile, and having too many on your workbench could cause an explosion! Which witch is sly enough to not only manage their ingredients wisely, but also overflow opponents with extra ingredients?

Disclaimer: We were provided with a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a finalized retail copy of the game, and what is described and pictured below is what you will get when you purchase this game. -L

To setup for a game, each player receives a player board, cauldron, and Arcana tracker with corresponding tokens. Players are randomly dealt 2 Personality Cards, and choose one to use for the game. Personality Cards offer unique powers or recipes for use during the game. All recipe cards are shuffled, and 4 cards are dealt to each player. Players receive a number of starting ingredients (cubes) to their workbench (player board), as stated on their Personality card, and the remaining ingredients go into a general supply. Choose a starting player and the game is ready to begin! Pictured below is the setup for a 3-player game.

This game is played over a series of rounds, and the turns in each round are performed simultaneously. Each round is broken down into two phases: the Study Phase and the Brewing Phase. The first step of the Study Phase is to Play recipes. Players look at the 4 recipe cards in hand and select one to play this round. Cards are placed face-down below the player boards. The next step, Reveal recipes, is pretty straightforward – all players reveal their chosen recipe and add it to their other recipes already in play. The final step of this phase is to resolve Arcana. Certain recipe cards have Arcana icons on the top that are collected when the recipe is played. Arcana comes in three different types (Book, Potion, and Raven), and is tracked on your Arcana tracker. When you have reached a certain amount of Arcana, you have the opportunity to trigger a special effect for the current round. For example, triggering the Raven Arcana allows you to immediately remove up to 2 ingredients from your workbench. Arcana can play into your strategy, so keep an eye on which recipes offer certain types of Arcana! Players check to see if any Arcana has been triggered, and perform the effects if they so choose, and the round then continues to the next phase.

The second phase of the round, the Brewing Phase, is broken down into 4 steps: Produce ingredients, Pass cauldrons, Check for winners, and Pass recipe cards. The Produce ingredients step is performed by all players simultaneously. Players will choose which recipe cards they have in play to be used this round. To use a recipe, you place ingredients (cubes) from your workbench on the ‘input’ spaces of the recipe card – all input spaces on a recipe card must be filled for the recipe to be completed. When you complete a recipe, take the corresponding ingredients shown on the ‘output’ spaces of that recipe card from the general supply. Players can decide how many/few of their recipe cards to be used each round (one, a few, or all of them), and each recipe card can only be used once per round. When all players are finished using their recipe cards, the ingredients are distributed. Ingredients from the ‘input’ spaces of a recipe go back to the general supply, and ingredients left on the ‘output’ spaces go into your cauldron.


This leads us to the next step – Pass cauldrons. All players will pass their cauldron (and the ingredients on it) to the player on their right. The ingredients from your new cauldron are now added to your workbench. Each type of ingredient has a finite number of spaces on your workbench, though. If these new ingredients cause you to completely fill up a row, any excess ingredients of that type are given back to the player who passed you the cauldron. Any ingredients you get back from an opponent go at the top of your player board, into your Witch’s Circle. When all players have resolved their new ingredients, the next step is to check for winners. If any player has 5 or more ingredients in their Witch’s Circle, they are declared the winner and the game ends! If nobody has at least 5 ingredients in their Witch’s Circle, players will pass their hand of remaining recipe cards to the player on their left, draw back up to 4 cards, and a new round begins. The game continues in this fashion until a player has at least 5 ingredients in their Witch’s Circle by the end of the round.
As you can tell from my intro, as well as the rating graphic, I really love this game. I came into it expecting something light, cutesy, and fun, and what I got was so much more than that. Yes, the components (more on that later) and artwork are colorful and eye-catching, but the gameplay is what really surprised me. For a game that literally only has 2 mechanics listed on BGG (simultaneous action selection and variable player powers), the amount of strategy in this game blew me away. Is it the most strategic game I’ve ever played? No. But it was one that kept me engaged and thinking the whole time. There are 3 major elements that you have to consider: recipes, ingredients, and your opponents. For recipe cards, you have to strategize which recipe to add to your tableau, as well as which recipes to use each round. You are allowed to use as many recipes in a round as you wish, so which ones are the best use of your resources? The next element: ingredients. Aside from strategizing about your recipe cards, you have to figure out how to best manage your ingredients. Which recipes offer the output you want? Which ones eat up large numbers of ingredients? These are all things you have to be considering during the Brewing Phase. And finally, you have to keep an eye on your opponents. You ultimately win by causing your neighbor to have an ‘overflow’ of ingredients – so which recipes can produce ingredients that they don’t need more of? Everyone can see each others’ player boards, which gives you a little insight into perhaps which recipe cards you want to activate this round. Add the fact that pretty much all of this is happening simultaneously?! That just is another layer to the strategy you need for this game! Even just describing this gameplay and strategic implications has me psyched to play again! There is much more to Whirling Witchcraft than meets the eye, and that makes it an awesome game to me.


Ok, so the part we’ve all be waiting for – components! The player boards, cards, and Arcana tokens are all great quality, and vibrant in color. The artwork itself is a unique style that really catches the eye and fits the theme extremely well. The iconography/color-coded ingredients are clear to differentiate, and help streamline the gameplay. The ingredient cubes are your standard wooden cubes, and they are nice and sturdy for their small size. The 3D cauldrons are sooooo cool! Are they necessary to the gameplay? Wellllll not entirely – you could easily just use a simple cardboard circle on which to place ingredients. BUT they make the game feel more immersive, exciting, and fun to play! AEG could have as easily not gone with the 3D idea, but the inclusion of this unique component helps elevate the engagement and gameplay to me. Having physical 3D cauldrons adds so much to the overall table presence of this game, and it makes it feel like you’re playing a deluxe/upgraded game. Add in the fact that the box is made to house the assembled cauldrons, so you don’t have to be continually assembling/disassembling them every time you play. Great forethought and execution! So all in all, excellent production quality overall!
If you’re in the market for a game with ‘simple’ mechanics but elevated strategy, I highly recommend Whirling Witchcraft. This game truly is a gem, and it plays relatively quickly for a ‘heavier’ game. I’ll be the first to admit that I was drawn to this game by the components, but the stellar gameplay is what makes me keep playing it. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a whirling 5 / 6. Check it out, you won’t be disappointed!
  
Tiny Epic Pirates
Tiny Epic Pirates
2020 | Dice Game, Exploration, Nautical, Pirates
Gamelyn Games and Scott Almes have done it again. They’ve managed to create yet another Tiny Epic game with a combo of theme and mechanics that we just couldn’t pass up. When this Kickstarter went live, we were definitely auto-backing it. Now that it’s been fulfilled and we’ve had the opportunity to play it, does it meet all of our high hopes and expectations? Is Tiny Epic Pirates a hidden treasure, or is it fool’s gold?

Disclaimer: I do not intend to rehash the entire rulebook in this review, but rather provide a general overview of the rules and gameplay. -L

Tiny Epic Pirates is a competitive game in which players take on the roles of pirate captains sailing the seas, engaging in combat, trading at various ports, and trying to bury some treasure. Played over a series of rounds, the game ends once a player has buried their 3rd treasure chest. To setup, follow the instructions as detailed in the rulebook – there are simply too many to outline here concisely. Two unique aspects of setup are that the Map cards are shuffled and randomly placed in a 4×4 grid, ensuring a variable setup for each game. The other is that each player will also randomly assign Order tokens on their Wheel (rondel), which means that no two players will have the same setup for a game. Once the Sea has been created, players have prepared their appropriate mats, a market for Booty and Crew have been setup, and tokens/Ships are placed on the map, the game is ready to begin!

Each turn is broken down into 5 steps: Captain’s Order/Deckhands, Sail, Execute Captain’s Order, Trigger Bonus Actions, and Crossing the Ship Line. The first part of every turn is to move your Captain meeple clockwise on your Wheel to select your Captain’s Order for this turn. Moving to the next adjacent space is free, but to skip spaces you must place Deckhand meeples onto the skipped spaces. In future turns, you may have Deckhands coming off the wheel, and you will assign those to other tasks during this step. The next step is to Sail your ship. Every player begins the game with a base speed of 1 Map card, and this can be enhanced throughout gameplay. During this step, you may Sail your ship across Map tiles up to your total allowed distance. After having Sailed, it is time to Execute Captain’s Order. To do this, refer back to your Wheel to see which action your Captain is on, and perform it. Possible actions are to Plunder (steal Booty from settlements), Trade (trade Booty for $ at markets), Crew Up (add up to 4 Crew members to your Ship), Search (gain a one-time benefit from un-searched Map cards), Attack (attack opposing Pirates or Merchant ships at sea), or Hide Out (rest at a Cove and reassign all Deckhands). You may only perform the action that was selected in the Captain’s Order step, regardless of if your placement on a Map card has other actions available.


Once your selected action has been performed, the next step is to Trigger Bonus Actions. Looking at your Captain and Crew cards, if their leftmost icon matches your current Captain’s Order, you may trigger the listed bonus actions. Some bonus actions allow you to perform duplicate Captain’s Orders, but others will earn you money, let you reassign Deckhands, exchange Booty at a different rate, and bury treasure. You don’t need to perform every Bonus Action listed if you so choose, but they may only be performed when their card icon matches your Captain’s Order. The very last step of your turn is to see if you have Crossed the Ship Line. Check your Wheel and see if you have moved from space 5 across the Ship Line to start another circle around the Wheel. If you did not cross the line, then your turn ends and play moves to the next Pirate. If you did cross the Ship Line, then the Merchant and Navy ships will sail a set amount of distance. Merchant ships are simply trying to deliver goods to port, and will be traversing the sea throughout the game. The Navy ship is hunting down Pirates, and will move to attack the current player any time the Ship Line is crossed. When a player has buried their third and final treasure, the round finishes as normal and the game ends. The player who buried all 3 treasures is the winner! In the case of a tie, check the rulebook. 😉
As with most of the Tiny Epic games, I will first start by saying that the size of the box may be small, but the gameplay inside is enormous. There is so much strategy in this one, I think it’s the ‘heaviest’ one in the series so far. You have so many different choices when it comes to strategy, and the gameplay will feel different every time. You could choose to take the offensive and be the aggressor, attacking any and all Ships that you can. Winning combat against Merchant Ships earns you Booty and other resources, while winning combat against opposing Pirates earns you Legend Levels. Your current Legend Level dictates how many spaces you are allowed to Sail, as well as how many dice you can roll during combat. So increasing that level results in better benefits. Maybe you just want to be an honest Pirate and do all of your trading at legal markets, avoiding contact with others and trying to skirt around combat. Maybe you want to try a little of both? The point is, you have choices, and must be able to adapt them based on your opponents’ decisions as well.

A neat element I touched on earlier about this game is the variable setup for each individual player and their Wheel. This really factors into your strategy because you have to know when to use which actions. Do you use a Deckhand to skip a space, or do you burn a turn moving for free to keep that Deckhand right where you want him? And remember, Bonus Actions are only triggered when the matching Captain’s Order is selected, so maybe you have to sacrifice acting in a turn (not being able to perform the selected Captain’s Order) in order to trigger your desired Bonus Action. It’s all about strategy, and that keeps the gameplay engaging at all times.

Just a word of warning though, there is a bit of a learning curve, as there are so many steps and items to consider each turn. Thus the gameplay felt pretty daunting and slow-going my first few plays. But as I became more comfortable with the turn structure and the iconography, it became easier to know what comes next. Another thing to consider is player count. Playing Tiny Epic Pirates at 2 players didn’t really feel that immersive or engaging. With only 2 players on a 4×4 grid, it can be easy to completely avoid each other and skirt around, essentially playing by yourself in a way. With 3 and 4 players, there are more Ships on the map and more opportunities for player interactions and engagement. So it all comes down to what kind of gameplay you want, when selecting your player count.


Components. Again, so far all the Tiny Epic games have had awesome production quality and Tiny Epic Pirates is no exception. The artwork is bright and colorful, the cards and cardboard tokens are sturdy, the meeples are cute, and the actual ships are fun to play with. My only qualms are that two of the player colors – black and blue – are visually similar so in setup it can be tricky to tell them apart. Another qualm is that two of the Booty types (teehee) are a tan and gray color, and the iconography for both on the Map cards are similarly colored. The first few plays I found myself trading the wrong Booty at market because I didn’t check the icon closely enough. These are not game-breakers by any means, but just a heads up so you’re paying attention! As this was a Kickstarter, I did opt for the add-on Pirate Skull dice, and have to honestly say that I prefer the regular game dice better. The ‘knots’ on the corners of the skull dice stop them from continuing to roll, so I felt like I wasn’t really getting a real roll on them. Maybe that’s just my personal opinion, but the regular ol’ game dice are perfectly fine.
How does Tiny Epic Pirates fare in the lineup of the Tiny Epic games? Fairly well, I would say. It’s not one that I would pull out to play with just anybody, as it is a bit of a heavier game, but it is one that I know I would enjoy with my game group. There are a lot of neat elements and mechanics at play here that really work well together and make for an engaging and kind of brain-burning (in a way) game. Although Tiny Epic Pirates might not get as much playtime for me as others in the series, it’s a good one to have and it really embodies the tiny (small box, check) and epic (sweet and strategic gameplay) parts of the title. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a seaworthy 4 / 6.
  
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Another film ruined by Endgame's splendour
Contains spoilers, click to show
The Rise of Skywalker

Some endings are welcomed whilst others are heart-breaking and sudden, then there is this movie that closes a curtain that’s older than my very bones. In the time from 1977 there has been highs, lows and Jar Jar Binks a plenty and lots and lots of toys, lunchboxes and soap sets in all shapes of droids. The film itself opens and quickly reintroduces all the main characters and sets up the plot lines for each person and they embark on a path that is destined for them all to meet later. Kylo Ren is on a solo Gooniesesque mission to retrieve something darker than One Eyed Willies rich stuff with the aid of a Toblerone shaped virtual map. Helmetless and emotionless he encounters the Emperor you in fact is not dead but just chilling out with many engineers, Sith corpses and a big evil throne that he may use to do dark side Sudoku. Kylo Ren must kill Rey and then he and Palpatine might both crack a smile and take turns on the evil throne as all powerful rulers.
Is it a bird? Is it plane? Well its half bird in name alone it’s the Millennium Falcon doing what it does best and being chased and escaping for the numerous time but this time they are light speed jumping even though they are told not to, naughty naughty. Po and Finn get some gossip and head to the planet the Rebels are all hiding on to share their news. Enter the heroine its Rey in a new outfit and floating up high but failing to entice the Jedi spirits to appear but why would they this early on in a film. The hero’s all use the gossip from the Empire spy and Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, BB-8, and C-3PO depart in the Millennium Falcon. Space trip!!!
They head for a Space desert that is like Mardi Gras with sand, it’s so lucky that these sandy terrains are common in space like they are common on Earth as Star Wars loves these arid landscapes. They get into a scrape as they always seem to do but with Stormtroopers being inept and despite being airborne, they now fail on both land and air to do anything other than being a source for explosions. C3-PO finally gets the chance to be of actual use but in his golden and splendid way he is unable to translate a Sith message orally and it remains unheard and unseen in his memory banks. Kylo Ren mentally Skype calls Rey and she forgets to turn off her location settings and he turns up. In the ensuing melee Rey turns up the bad ass levels and destroys an Empire ship containing the Wookie we all fell in love with Chewbacca. In a big fiery furball of fire he is gone, Rey is beside herself with regret and they all escape on board Not the Millennium Falcon. Another planet another mission to add to the collection sees the group hoping to find a brain surgeon to extract the Sith message from C3-PO. On planet Jim Henson we see a large collection of weird and wonderful puppets and cosplay experts. The downside of the brain surgery is it will format C3-PO to the factory settings so he can learn to be annoying to everyone all over again. A little shaved Mogwai turns out to be the master surgeon and he completes the job easily enough and they retrieve the message, but the worst fears are realised as C3-PO remembers no one.
From the furry flames Chewbacca, we find out is not dead but merely being pampered in the Empires many hair and nail bars. Sensing this fashion disaster waiting to happen Rey organises a rescue mission and they break into the Star Destroyer with relative ease until Poe, Finn are caught and assigned to death. Rey is on her own mission and breaks into Kylo Ren’s bachelor pad and has a look around and gets the Sith dagger and another Skype call from Kylo Ren is taken where he tells her some missing parts of her childhood and about her true lineage as a pesky Palpatine. The age-old Star Wars family is not who you think it is trope is wheeled out once more. Learning from her previous failures of her location services she refuses to tell Kylo but when the melted helmet of the original absent father Darth Vader falls at Kylo’s feet he knows she is in his room. Enraged in case he left any interspace porn lying around his room he quickly makes a run for his awesome ship.

With certain execution facing Poe, Finn and the now unlucky Chewie and the blasters set to wipe them out General Hux turns Rouge One and saves the heroes at the last second. With his turncoat and spy status ensured he shows his true childish colours and he wants Kylo Ren to lose because he has longer and hair on the darker side of black (maybe). Before allowing them to escape he asked for a blaster wound to give his story of them overpowering the guards some weight, surely a fool proof plan with your boss being able to mind read. He takes a blaster to the knee before hobbling to explain himself before being shot as the traitorous Rebel scum he is. If only he had lived long enough, he may have seen his wish come true. They well-travelled hero’s travel to space Astoria for another Goonies part of the quest where they see the remnants of the second Death Star and use the dagger doubloon to perfectly line up where the way finder is located. A big source of luck as the waves that engulf the planet and are crashing all around the wreck of the Deathstar have avoided any damage over the years. It’s deemed impossible to traverse the giant waves until morning but when Rey sees her opportunity she sails over the waves with relative ease while the rest of the heroes are chatting to a local about zero hour Strom trooper contracts and a lack of a good sickness benefit policy. As Rey makes it to the wreckage, she is met with Kylo Ren and they have a lightsaber battle after he smashes the way finder and asks her to join him in getting rid of Papa Palpatine and being the Sith power couple. Kylo seems to be building up the anger in Rey and trying to temp her to give in to her rage. Some great action shots and some force leaps make this a memorable fight scene until Leia ‘force times’ Kylo distracting him enough for Rey to become the victor. This is the last stand for Leia as she gives up the ghost and therefore becomes one of those ghost Jedi figures. With a sudden change of heart and with the wound barely open Rey uses her force healing abilities to fill Kylo’s hole right up before stealing his ship and leaving him stranded on Goonieland. With all this free time Kylo throws away his lightsaber and becomes Ben Solo once more and squeezes in a catch up with his old dad Han in dreamworld or memoryland.
Rey is now on a mission to destroy the Sith and the Emperor on the hidden planet now she has the map but only after setting Kylo’s sweet spaceship on fire and then realising her error. This impulsive nature may be leading to the dark side!! She heads to Exegol the Sith planet just as Palpatine is setting his sights on getting on with ending the Rebellion once and for all. If a job is worth doing its worth doing it yourself and orders the destruction of planet by a weapon that’s on each Star Destroyer. When Rey catches up with the Emperor, he is happy to see her and he invites her to strike him down, probably to become more powerful than we can imagine. Rey leaves a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs and she is followed by the resistance and they have a plan to take on the Final Order by destroying a central communication tower, so again a rather simple way to stop some heavy duty weaponry; the old classics are the best!!! It becomes a bit Star Wars of the Rings with space horses appearing and galloping to the rescue, not since the ill-fated days of the Phantom Menace has wildlife shocked me in such a manner. Back to the will she, won’t she, Rey and the Emperor are still wanting different things and Palpatine has invited the ghosts of Sith past to witness his greatest triumph. Rey has a choice of lightsaber’s due to Leia giving her an extra, maybe there was a reason for this!! Oh, wait Ben Solo has arrived lightsaberless what a stroke of luck!! Palpatine has had enough and he decides to drain both the Jedi’s of their life force and levels ups and gets back to rage mode and gets his lightning on. He dispatches Ben and then takes out the full resistance fleet with an impressive lightning show. Rey in her weakened state finally perfects the connection with the Jedi spirits that she failed at early in the film. Armed with the x-factor of crossed lightsabers she pushes the Emperor back and turns his own electricity and his face is melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Ben then comes back into the mix and repays the force healing from earlier and gives Rey the gift of life followed by a kiss. This is a kiss of death literally and he fades away into nothingness. In scenes not seen since the Avengers help arrives when all hope is gone, and the fight is won by the good guys again.

I felt that this film was too fast paced and had too many storylines that were quickly explored and this was at a detriment to what could have been. Maybe on repeat viewing there will be the chance to slow down and explore the potential of the film. Some scenes were for the older generation and some were for the newbies to the galaxy far, far away and this again was at a cost to the whole experience. This all being said the watch was enjoyable and had its genuine emotional moments and humour was used to break the tension at times with C3-PO having a few choice lines for once.
  
Godzilla (2014)
Godzilla (2014)
2014 | Mystery, Sci-Fi
Godzilla's gigantic scale is impressive. (1 more)
Bryan Cranston gives a terrific performance.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson is a horribly lifeless protagonist. (2 more)
The film repeatedly obscures our chances to see Godzilla or cuts away from him completely.
There seems to be very little sense of panic or concern despite Godzilla and MUTO's destruction.
As promising as this new Godzilla movie may appear to be, it falls far short of expectations, and dare I say, it isn’t even much better than the 1998 version.
This year marks the 60th anniversary of the original Godzilla film, when the King of the Monsters first emerged from the Pacific and terrorized Tokyo, Japan. Roughly 10 years after America dropped two atomic bombs on Japan to end World War II, Godzilla was artistically created to be a physical, living representation of the destructive force of those bombs. Even the texture of his skin is modelled after keloid scars, which were found on survivors as a result of the radiation. Godzilla’s arrival and subsequent attacks were spurred by the use of nuclear weapons, and he as a character wholly embodies the consequences of nuclear warfare.

60 years later, Godzilla remains a global icon, having spawned dozens of movie sequels, while introducing several other enormous monsters to battle with. Then 16 years ago, he was reimagined as he first came to America in Roland Emmerich’s lackluster 1998 film Godzilla, leaving many fans severely disappointed with not only the film, but also the new rendition of the famous monster. While Godzilla is visually depicted much more accurately in Gareth Edward’s new 2014 Godzilla than he was in ’98, his entire presence is surprisingly different than usual. This isn’t the angry, vengeful Godzilla of the past. He actually now seems almost entirely indifferent to humans. Unfortunately, as promising as this new Godzilla movie may appear to be, it falls far short of expectations, and dare I say, it isn’t even much better than the 1998 Godzilla.

Godzilla (2014) starts off pretty well, strengthened by the performance of Bryan Cranston, who plays Joe Brody, a nuclear power plant engineer living in Japan. Brody is present when an unknown disaster occurs at the plant, costing many innocent lives. Despite what the trailers suggest, Cranston’s Brody is not the main character of the film. Nor is it fellow all-star actor Ken Watanabe. The main character is actually only seen for about 4 seconds of the film’s original 2 and a half minute trailer. It’s Joe Brody’s son, Ford, played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, in a performance that is decent but far from engaging. The protagonist Ford Brody is a character that is largely uninteresting, and who just casually wants to get back to his family after the monster invasion. He fails to convey any genuine sense of urgency amidst the chaos, although the same can be said for the entire cast, with the exception of Cranston’s Brody. Cranston’s performance is the only one that has any emotional weight to it, but he can’t carry the film alone. Meanwhile, Ken Watanabe is essentially reduced to being the quiet, ever-present voice of reason that no one wants to listen to. The film has a solid cast of actors, but they’re not given enough to work with in this convoluted mess of a movie.

For a movie that has so much death and destruction, the people in the film never seem all that concerned. You get no sense of global panic and hysteria. You have a 300-foot-tall monster destroying cities, with millions of people dying, and yet nobody seems all that freaked out by it. It’s almost like the situation isn’t treated as a serious threat, and there’s a major lack of suspense altogether. There’s rarely any edge-of-your-seat terror or excitement, and the lack of emotion just makes the action come off as sort of flat and dull. Not only that, the majority of the destruction that’s taking place isn’t even seen, with the movie instead opting to show you the aftermath. Throughout the first two-thirds of the movie, the camera continuously cuts away from the action you’ve been waiting for. Rather than showing you what you want to see in full-glory, the movie frequently will take you to a different location where you’ll briefly see a few seconds of the catastrophe being watched by someone on television. It feels like a cheap trick to build up to some amazing climax, but it’s incredibly frustrating. It’s like when watching a reality TV show and then the show cuts to a commercial break before revealing the winner. Perhaps it would be more forgivable if the end was enjoyable, but even though it does give you a full display of the showdown, it’s bogged down by a tiresome human story and still lacks any real emotional punch. Despite the fact that the movie tries to convey a serious tone, it’s also incredibly cheesy. To the extent that the big finale that this movie has been trying so hard to build up to ends up being almost laughable. Ultimately the movie ends up just being unsatisfying, disappointing, and overly long.

There are a lot of ways in which Godzilla goes wrong, despite the film’s great potential. One of my issues is with the musical score, which ends up coming off like a bad punchline. Music is supposed to accentuate the action and drama of a film, yet the film feels emotionless and boring. The only time the music really stood out to me was when it was being used to heighten the suspense of the climactic battle, and essentially narrate who was winning. It was done so ineffectively that it was both kind of comical and embarrassing. I also have an issue with all of the special effects, which are being touted as absolutely amazing. They’re not. However, I will say that the use of special effects in the movie is quite ambitious, but it works to the film’s detriment. There’s simply too much of them, and this excessive nature of the film is, I think, its biggest mistake. Godzilla (2014) is ridiculously CGI-heavy, and while their scope is admirable, I really think the quality would have been substantially improved if they didn’t overdo it so much. I think a less-is-more approach would have benefited the film in many ways. It’s excessive to the point of making good things turn bad. Everything is way too over the top, causing the action to lose its impact. It’s evident the filmmakers were trying so hard to make this big-budget movie as epic as possible, but this enormous scale ends up backfiring. The rampage covers two continents, multiple cities, and even traverses the length of the Pacific Ocean. I can appreciate their attempt, but the movie is trying to do too much. In other words, Godzilla (2014) bites off more than it can chew.

I also have some problems with the film’s treatment of the titular character, Godzilla. First of all, for a movie named after him, he sure doesn’t appear much in it. He’s the reason why we want to see the movie, but he’s absent for the majority of the film. Even when he’s around, he’s largely obscured by CGI smoke and storm clouds, up until the final moments of the movie. I’m also not particularly fond of his appearance. He just doesn’t quite look like Godzilla to me. It’s like looking at a T-Rex head on Godzilla’s body. I’m aware that Godzilla’s facial appearance has changed many times over 60 years, but something just doesn’t look quite right here. Additionally, I feel that Godzilla’s face is actually too expressive in this new film. I wonder if this was done to cause viewers to feel more sympathetic to him, because in the film, Godzilla is actually depicted as something of a tragic hero, rather than a colossal beast. This is my biggest concern with the movie’s handling of his character. Godzilla’s destruction in the film is treated like it’s all unintentional, and just a result of his massive size. Even though humans attack him, he’s not angry about it or anything. Never mind the movie’s claim that all of America’s nuclear bomb tests after Hiroshima and Nagasaki were actually secretive but unsuccessful attempts to kill Godzilla. He doesn’t mind. He’s just a poor gentle giant that’s misunderstood. Really, Hollywood? Give me a break!

To say that Godzilla (2014) is almost as bad of a film as Godzilla (1998) is a statement that I don’t take lightly. It’s a bold and controversial thing to say, and it may seem a bit absurd considering that this film goes in the right direction, whereas the previous film was all wrong from the beginning. Yet while the new movie has all the right pieces for greatness, it extends its reach too far and attempts to do too much, while never managing to make any of it very good. In all seriousness, I was more entertained with the ’98 film than I was with this one. I can hardly comprehend how a movie with a giant 300-foot-tall monster destroying cities can be so boring. Godzilla (2014) focuses so much on trying to build up to an epic conclusion that it forgets to worry about making the audience care, or even about keeping them entertained, and it just gets worse as it goes on. It repeatedly tries to raise the stakes, as well as our expectations, while attempting to delay gratification until the end. It’s a risky move, and unsurprisingly, it certainly doesn’t pay off. On the bright side, Godzilla (2014) is probably a pretty sweet movie if you’re a 12-year-old. There’s plenty of action, some cool special effects, and he’s still a pretty awesome monster. However, for me, I was totally pumped up for this movie, but an hour and a half into it, I had endured enough and wanted to walk out. Godzilla (2014) disappointed me on so many levels. It’s a movie without a beating heart. It’s predictable, overly long, has uninspired characters and a weak story, and the action just never hits the right note. A little more emotion and a little less CGI could have a gone a long way in making this movie better. As a fan of Godzilla, I felt frustrated, detached, and perplexed with how they were able to do so much wrong when they had the groundwork for something great. You know, perhaps I’m wrong in claiming it’s comparably bad as Godzilla (1998). After all, the last time I saw that movie was in the theaters when I was 12.

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 5.17.14.)