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Charlie Cobra Reviews (1840 KP) rated Men in Black International (2019) in Movies
Jul 7, 2020
Weighed, Measured and Found Wanting
Men In Black International is a 2019 sci-fi action/comedy directed by F. Gary Gray and written by Art Marcum and Matt Holloway. It is based on the Malibu/Marvel comic book series by Lowell Cunningham. The film was produced by Amblin Entertainment, Columbia Pictures, Image Nation, Tencent Pictures and MacDonald/Parkes Productions and distributed by Sony Pictures Releasing. The movie stars Chris Hemsworth, Tessa Thompson, Rebecca Ferguson, Kumail Nanjiani, Emma Thompson, and Liam Neeson.
Molly Wright (Tessa Thompson) witnesses her parents being neuralized by agents of Men in Black in Brooklyn 1996. Avoiding neuralization as her parents assumed that she was asleep, she helps an alien escape. Twenty-three years later, she manages to track Men in Black agents back to MiB headquarters in New York. Molly makes an impression on Agent O (Emma Thompson), despite being caught entering the building. She is assigned to the London branch on a probationary agent status as "Agent M".
This movie was very predictable. There really wasn't one part of the movie that surprised me plot wise. From the twists and turns that they try and throw at you to the big reveal at the end. A lot of critics said this movie was very forgettable with lackluster action and they are not wrong. However, the movie was quite enjoyable for myself and others. The chemistry between Thompson and Hemsworth was awesome and particularly the voice acting for Kumail Nanjiani's character. His character Pawney, stole the show and really made the movie good. He was the comic relief and center of any scene he was in. The special effects were great and they even threw in a couple of new aliens as they often do with the sequels of this series. The movie also didn't have near the emotional impact of the sequels. It was a decent movie but not as funny, surprising, or stupendous as the first film in the franchise. I give it a 7/10,
Molly Wright (Tessa Thompson) witnesses her parents being neuralized by agents of Men in Black in Brooklyn 1996. Avoiding neuralization as her parents assumed that she was asleep, she helps an alien escape. Twenty-three years later, she manages to track Men in Black agents back to MiB headquarters in New York. Molly makes an impression on Agent O (Emma Thompson), despite being caught entering the building. She is assigned to the London branch on a probationary agent status as "Agent M".
This movie was very predictable. There really wasn't one part of the movie that surprised me plot wise. From the twists and turns that they try and throw at you to the big reveal at the end. A lot of critics said this movie was very forgettable with lackluster action and they are not wrong. However, the movie was quite enjoyable for myself and others. The chemistry between Thompson and Hemsworth was awesome and particularly the voice acting for Kumail Nanjiani's character. His character Pawney, stole the show and really made the movie good. He was the comic relief and center of any scene he was in. The special effects were great and they even threw in a couple of new aliens as they often do with the sequels of this series. The movie also didn't have near the emotional impact of the sequels. It was a decent movie but not as funny, surprising, or stupendous as the first film in the franchise. I give it a 7/10,
Heather Cranmer (2721 KP) rated TaleSpins in Books
Jun 7, 2018
(This review can be found on my blog <a href="http://themisadventuresofatwentysomething.blogspot.com/">The (Mis)Adventures of a Twenty-Something Year Old Girl</a>).
I love alternate takes on fairy tales, so I was super happy when I was asked if I wanted to review TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) by Michael Mullin! I must say that I loved this book!
The three stories are all short and are written in rhyming verse and can be bought individually. TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) is just the collection of three stories in one place.
I must say that I do like the cover! It has to do with the story of 8th Dwarf.
For my review, I will be reviewing each story individually.
*
8th Dwarf
This is a retelling of Snow White. In this story, there was an eighth dwarf called Creepy who was locked int he basement so he'd be out of sight and out of mind. He was disfigured and lived up to his name. Creepy tells us the story of what really happened.
I enjoyed the story of 8th Dwarf. I felt bad for Creepy though because all he wanted was to be treated like a normal person and not like a criminal. He tries to save Snow White from the evil witch so many times, yet Snow White is too thick to realize that the witch is taking advantage of her. I enjoyed the rhyming, and I loved the font changes and little pictures during the story. I don't know if this is included in the ebook version, but it is in the paperback version.
8th Dwarf gets a 5 out of 5.
*
The Plight and Plot of Princess Penny
This is the story of a 15 year old princess named Penny who is bullied at school by a girl named Darcy. Penny is tired of being bullied by Darcy and seeks out a witch to help her get back at Darcy. Along the way she meets a troll named Jink. Jink warns her to stay away from the witch, but Penny will not listen. When Penny steals from the witch, Penny is taken prisoner by her. It's up to Jink to help Penny.
The Plight and Plot of Princess Penny references many fairy tales. I enjoyed all the references because it took me back to back to my childhood, especially the reference to Hansel and Gretel. While I didn't find this story as interesting as 8th Dwarf, it was still fun to read. Sometimes, I felt as if it had gotten to be a bit long winded and found my eyes were starting to glaze over. However, the pacing would pick back up, and I'd be enthralled in the story once again. I believe this story helps to teach us that nothing is ever as it seems.
The Plight and Plot of Princess Penny gets a 3.75 out of 5.
*
Jack'd
Jack'd is a take on the original Jack and the Beanstalk story. A doctor comes home to find a valuable treasure of his has been stolen by a teenager named Jack. While trying to locate Jack, the doctor comes across an elf like person who spray paints choices as doors for the doctor to make/take. The doctor becomes responsible for what happens to Jack.
Wow, wow, wow! This is definitely my favorite story in the book! Mr. Mullin sure did save the best for last! Jack'd read like one of those old film noir detective stories....at least, that's how it read to me. I found it interesting the way that the doctor had the choice as to what would happen to Jack...kind of like those choose your own ending books. I also loved how the verse was written in this story. I never even saw the plot twist coming!
Jack'd gets a definite 5 out of 5.
*
TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) is a fantastic take on classic fairy tales. Michael Mullin brings in his own style of writing to make the fairy tales we've all come to know become fresh again.
I'd recommend this book to anyone aged 8+ (except Jack'd due to the theme. Jack'd, I'd recommend to those age 13+) who wants to get a thrill out of fairy tales again.
TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) by Michael Mullin gets a 4.5 out of 5 overall.
(I received a free paperback copy of this title from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review).
I love alternate takes on fairy tales, so I was super happy when I was asked if I wanted to review TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) by Michael Mullin! I must say that I loved this book!
The three stories are all short and are written in rhyming verse and can be bought individually. TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) is just the collection of three stories in one place.
I must say that I do like the cover! It has to do with the story of 8th Dwarf.
For my review, I will be reviewing each story individually.
*
8th Dwarf
This is a retelling of Snow White. In this story, there was an eighth dwarf called Creepy who was locked int he basement so he'd be out of sight and out of mind. He was disfigured and lived up to his name. Creepy tells us the story of what really happened.
I enjoyed the story of 8th Dwarf. I felt bad for Creepy though because all he wanted was to be treated like a normal person and not like a criminal. He tries to save Snow White from the evil witch so many times, yet Snow White is too thick to realize that the witch is taking advantage of her. I enjoyed the rhyming, and I loved the font changes and little pictures during the story. I don't know if this is included in the ebook version, but it is in the paperback version.
8th Dwarf gets a 5 out of 5.
*
The Plight and Plot of Princess Penny
This is the story of a 15 year old princess named Penny who is bullied at school by a girl named Darcy. Penny is tired of being bullied by Darcy and seeks out a witch to help her get back at Darcy. Along the way she meets a troll named Jink. Jink warns her to stay away from the witch, but Penny will not listen. When Penny steals from the witch, Penny is taken prisoner by her. It's up to Jink to help Penny.
The Plight and Plot of Princess Penny references many fairy tales. I enjoyed all the references because it took me back to back to my childhood, especially the reference to Hansel and Gretel. While I didn't find this story as interesting as 8th Dwarf, it was still fun to read. Sometimes, I felt as if it had gotten to be a bit long winded and found my eyes were starting to glaze over. However, the pacing would pick back up, and I'd be enthralled in the story once again. I believe this story helps to teach us that nothing is ever as it seems.
The Plight and Plot of Princess Penny gets a 3.75 out of 5.
*
Jack'd
Jack'd is a take on the original Jack and the Beanstalk story. A doctor comes home to find a valuable treasure of his has been stolen by a teenager named Jack. While trying to locate Jack, the doctor comes across an elf like person who spray paints choices as doors for the doctor to make/take. The doctor becomes responsible for what happens to Jack.
Wow, wow, wow! This is definitely my favorite story in the book! Mr. Mullin sure did save the best for last! Jack'd read like one of those old film noir detective stories....at least, that's how it read to me. I found it interesting the way that the doctor had the choice as to what would happen to Jack...kind of like those choose your own ending books. I also loved how the verse was written in this story. I never even saw the plot twist coming!
Jack'd gets a definite 5 out of 5.
*
TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) is a fantastic take on classic fairy tales. Michael Mullin brings in his own style of writing to make the fairy tales we've all come to know become fresh again.
I'd recommend this book to anyone aged 8+ (except Jack'd due to the theme. Jack'd, I'd recommend to those age 13+) who wants to get a thrill out of fairy tales again.
TaleSpins (TaleSpins #1-3) by Michael Mullin gets a 4.5 out of 5 overall.
(I received a free paperback copy of this title from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review).
Andy K (10823 KP) rated Clerks (1994) in Movies
May 6, 2019
Dante and Randal - together forever
I had the pleasure of meeting Kevin Smith when he appeared at the Hollywood Video manager's meeting in Las Vegas in the summer of 1999. Clerks was revered at that time by all of us since we were living the life of Randal to a certain extent being video store managers. We could all relate to the examples of stupid customers and things we wanted to say to them, but couldn't since "the customer is always right".
Smith's appearance at our meeting must've shocked the Mormon founder, Mark Wattles, when Smith began using excessive profanity and talking about giving blow jobs in the bathroom for cash.
My own experiences as a video store manager were reflected in a lot of what Randal says especially when it came to movie recommendations. I'll never forget being asked "Which is better, Booty Call or Schindler's List" or arguing with customers during the "full screen" vs. "widescreen" debate explaining widescreen was better because you could see the entire picture instead of the side of the film being cut off.
Every time I rewatch Clerks it always reminds me of those times and how I reflect fondly on them now so many years later.
Smith was a funny guy and he certainly tells good stories if you have ever seen one of his stand-up specials where he talks about meeting Prince, Bruce Willis or his experiences writing a Superman draft.
Jay and Silent Bob are iconic too even getting their own reboot movie now.
Clerks is a comedy cinema cult classic having lived far beyond its original $27,000 budget where Smith had to sell his comic book collection and its characters will live on forever due to some classic screenwriting.
Smith's appearance at our meeting must've shocked the Mormon founder, Mark Wattles, when Smith began using excessive profanity and talking about giving blow jobs in the bathroom for cash.
My own experiences as a video store manager were reflected in a lot of what Randal says especially when it came to movie recommendations. I'll never forget being asked "Which is better, Booty Call or Schindler's List" or arguing with customers during the "full screen" vs. "widescreen" debate explaining widescreen was better because you could see the entire picture instead of the side of the film being cut off.
Every time I rewatch Clerks it always reminds me of those times and how I reflect fondly on them now so many years later.
Smith was a funny guy and he certainly tells good stories if you have ever seen one of his stand-up specials where he talks about meeting Prince, Bruce Willis or his experiences writing a Superman draft.
Jay and Silent Bob are iconic too even getting their own reboot movie now.
Clerks is a comedy cinema cult classic having lived far beyond its original $27,000 budget where Smith had to sell his comic book collection and its characters will live on forever due to some classic screenwriting.
JT (287 KP) rated Chloe (2010) in Movies
Mar 10, 2020
As sexual thrillers go this is hardly up there with the best of them, in fact it boarder lines on B-movie soft porn. Director Atom Egoyan is no stranger to this type of erotic genre having previously helmed such films as Exotica and Where The Truth Lies. But this latest turn lacked something in the plot and it just seemed to fall at the last hurdle.
With three exceptional acting talents, more so from Seyfried whose role in this as the sexy femme fatal is a far cry from Mamma Mia. For Moore it was a role that may have caused much whispering in Hollywood if anything for the lesbian clinch mid way through.
From the outset it looks as if we are going to be in for a great little thriller. Moore’s Catherine is desperate to find out if her husband (Neeson) is as honest as he says he is. But she is apparently drawn into Chloe’s sexual tales and meets up with her on countless occasions to have the events graphically recited back to her like some x-rated book club.
This is where the film seems to lack the tension that we might have been hoping for, with the exception of maybe a little flurry at the end. It never really digs its nails underneath the skin and claws at us, we hope that it will arrive at some point but alas it never does. The ending is disappointing.
However, Seyfried’s sheer beauty is not for question, she is curvaceous and captivating and her scenes with Moore are extremely sensuous, one in particular will make you sit bolt up right in your seat.
At the end of it all you’ll walk away flustered, but it certainly won’t be from the gripping suspense.
With three exceptional acting talents, more so from Seyfried whose role in this as the sexy femme fatal is a far cry from Mamma Mia. For Moore it was a role that may have caused much whispering in Hollywood if anything for the lesbian clinch mid way through.
From the outset it looks as if we are going to be in for a great little thriller. Moore’s Catherine is desperate to find out if her husband (Neeson) is as honest as he says he is. But she is apparently drawn into Chloe’s sexual tales and meets up with her on countless occasions to have the events graphically recited back to her like some x-rated book club.
This is where the film seems to lack the tension that we might have been hoping for, with the exception of maybe a little flurry at the end. It never really digs its nails underneath the skin and claws at us, we hope that it will arrive at some point but alas it never does. The ending is disappointing.
However, Seyfried’s sheer beauty is not for question, she is curvaceous and captivating and her scenes with Moore are extremely sensuous, one in particular will make you sit bolt up right in your seat.
At the end of it all you’ll walk away flustered, but it certainly won’t be from the gripping suspense.
The Long Song
10.0
Rate It
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Shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize, The Long Song by multi-million-copy bestselling author Andrea...
Solar Flares: Science Fiction in the 1970s
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Science fiction produced in the 1970s has long been undervalued, dismissed by Bruce Sterling as...
Leanne Crabtree (480 KP) rated Three Blind Dates in Books
Jan 11, 2021
I picked this up a month or so ago when it was 99p as I've enjoyed this authors books before.
So this starts with Noely doing her Going in Blind profile interview. She's a Good Morning Malibu show host and has used some of their equipment to film the interview, which, when her producer finds the disc informs her that she will be doing a segment on the show detailing her dates. She tries to protest but he's not having any of it and she reluctantly agrees.
Noely has three dates, as the title suggest and has a great time with all three, all for different reasons. Jack is her first option, the mysterious Suit. Then Beck, the bike riding Rebel. And lastly Hayden, the ice hockey Jock. She gets on with all three really well but something seems to go wrong on the second dates, leading her to look for someone else.
Then we get a "mystery man". One of the above guys who starts messaging Noely in the hopes of getting her to fall for him after the mess he made of their date. I was a bit stumped about who it was going to end up being but a certain guy did keep turning up places quite regularly.
I liked this but it did seem quite long for what went down. Each guy took up about a quarter of the book, including the final mystery one. It didn't entirely pull me in but there were some truly fun bits, and for me, personally, those involved Noely's brother, Alex, and his wife, Lauren. And little Chloe, too.
So this starts with Noely doing her Going in Blind profile interview. She's a Good Morning Malibu show host and has used some of their equipment to film the interview, which, when her producer finds the disc informs her that she will be doing a segment on the show detailing her dates. She tries to protest but he's not having any of it and she reluctantly agrees.
Noely has three dates, as the title suggest and has a great time with all three, all for different reasons. Jack is her first option, the mysterious Suit. Then Beck, the bike riding Rebel. And lastly Hayden, the ice hockey Jock. She gets on with all three really well but something seems to go wrong on the second dates, leading her to look for someone else.
Then we get a "mystery man". One of the above guys who starts messaging Noely in the hopes of getting her to fall for him after the mess he made of their date. I was a bit stumped about who it was going to end up being but a certain guy did keep turning up places quite regularly.
I liked this but it did seem quite long for what went down. Each guy took up about a quarter of the book, including the final mystery one. It didn't entirely pull me in but there were some truly fun bits, and for me, personally, those involved Noely's brother, Alex, and his wife, Lauren. And little Chloe, too.
Gareth von Kallenbach (980 KP) rated Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) in Movies
Aug 9, 2019
I was introduced to Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (the amazing book series written by Alvin Schwartz back in 1981) in my Junior High history class. An odd place for sure to listen to this amazing collection of stories, and yet it displayed how these stories are impactful even if you aren’t reading them around a campfire in the middle of the woods. Schwartz had written two additional sequels to his stories in 1984 and 1991 and the incredibly creepy illustrations (by Stephen Gammell) helped to complete a collection of books that are at home in anyone’s collection both young and old.
The 80’s was a decade obsessed with the occult and works of fiction that parents thought were written to corrupt the minds of the youth of the age. Before video games were blamed for all the evil in the world there was Heavy Metal music, the fantastical role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons and books such as these that parents rallied around and attempted to ban from schools and after school functions. Looking back now at the hysteria that this caused is almost laughable, but for those of us growing up in that time it was a very real threat to the imaginations of youth around the globe. Outside of this brief history lesson however, I wondered how the books would translate into a movie.
Our story begins on Halloween night, the year is 1968 and the Vietnam War and the upcoming presidential elections are on everyone’s mind. Stella (Zoe Colletti) and her nerd friends Chuck (Austin Zajur) and Auggie (Gabriel Rush) decide that this will be the year that they get revenge on the local bully Tommy (Austin Abrams) for all his years of stealing candy from them on Halloween. After things go predictably wrong, the young group of kids are pursued to a drive-in theater where they seek refuge in a car that is owned by another out-of-town youngster named Ramon (Michael Garza). As thanks for “saving” them from a certain beating, Stella and the group decide to take Ramon to a real-life haunted house. A place where a young Sarah Bellows would tell stories to frighten children only for them to end up dead days later. While exploring the house the young group discover the hidden room of young Sarah Bellows and come across her book of “Scary Stories”. Unable to contain her own curiosity, Stella takes the book home with her and watches as the words on the pages turn into living nightmares of their own darkest fears.
Produced by Guillermo del Toro, Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, Scary Stories takes a handful of fan favorites and weaves them into a “scary” story of their very own. Instead of simply being a collection of haunting tales, each one serves a purpose, whether it’s the “Red Dot” or “Harold”, each one is used to drive the story even further along. While at first, I was hoping that it would be a collection of short stories featuring these timeless classics, the way in which each individual story progresses the plot leads to a far more interesting experience overall.
Those looking for a movie filled with frightening tales that will have you reaching for the closest shoulder (whether you know who it belongs to or not) will be in for a bit of disappointment. That’s not to take away from the incredible amount of vision needed to bring these classic stories to life, but it takes on a far more contemporary feel, then the dark stories and supernatural visions of the books that came before it. The film comes away feeling more like Goosebumps and less like Freakshow which makes sense given its PG-13 rating and its obvious pre-teen to teen demographic. The movie is still fun however, particularly for those who fondly remember the stories from their youth and is one that will proudly sit beside the likes of Hocus Pocus when it comes to network television down the road as part of its likely Halloween line-up.
4 out of 5 stars
http://sknr.net/2019/08/08/scary-stories-to-tell-in-the-dark/
The 80’s was a decade obsessed with the occult and works of fiction that parents thought were written to corrupt the minds of the youth of the age. Before video games were blamed for all the evil in the world there was Heavy Metal music, the fantastical role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons and books such as these that parents rallied around and attempted to ban from schools and after school functions. Looking back now at the hysteria that this caused is almost laughable, but for those of us growing up in that time it was a very real threat to the imaginations of youth around the globe. Outside of this brief history lesson however, I wondered how the books would translate into a movie.
Our story begins on Halloween night, the year is 1968 and the Vietnam War and the upcoming presidential elections are on everyone’s mind. Stella (Zoe Colletti) and her nerd friends Chuck (Austin Zajur) and Auggie (Gabriel Rush) decide that this will be the year that they get revenge on the local bully Tommy (Austin Abrams) for all his years of stealing candy from them on Halloween. After things go predictably wrong, the young group of kids are pursued to a drive-in theater where they seek refuge in a car that is owned by another out-of-town youngster named Ramon (Michael Garza). As thanks for “saving” them from a certain beating, Stella and the group decide to take Ramon to a real-life haunted house. A place where a young Sarah Bellows would tell stories to frighten children only for them to end up dead days later. While exploring the house the young group discover the hidden room of young Sarah Bellows and come across her book of “Scary Stories”. Unable to contain her own curiosity, Stella takes the book home with her and watches as the words on the pages turn into living nightmares of their own darkest fears.
Produced by Guillermo del Toro, Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, Scary Stories takes a handful of fan favorites and weaves them into a “scary” story of their very own. Instead of simply being a collection of haunting tales, each one serves a purpose, whether it’s the “Red Dot” or “Harold”, each one is used to drive the story even further along. While at first, I was hoping that it would be a collection of short stories featuring these timeless classics, the way in which each individual story progresses the plot leads to a far more interesting experience overall.
Those looking for a movie filled with frightening tales that will have you reaching for the closest shoulder (whether you know who it belongs to or not) will be in for a bit of disappointment. That’s not to take away from the incredible amount of vision needed to bring these classic stories to life, but it takes on a far more contemporary feel, then the dark stories and supernatural visions of the books that came before it. The film comes away feeling more like Goosebumps and less like Freakshow which makes sense given its PG-13 rating and its obvious pre-teen to teen demographic. The movie is still fun however, particularly for those who fondly remember the stories from their youth and is one that will proudly sit beside the likes of Hocus Pocus when it comes to network television down the road as part of its likely Halloween line-up.
4 out of 5 stars
http://sknr.net/2019/08/08/scary-stories-to-tell-in-the-dark/
Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) rated Hellboy (2019) in Movies
Apr 17, 2019 (Updated Apr 17, 2019)
The script (4 more)
The CGI
The editing
The performances
Everything else
Actual Hell
If the Hellboy 2019 movie has one thing going for it, it's that it's impressive. It is impressive in the sense that it actually made me question the futility of time and why I was wasting my short time on this earth watching this atrocious piece of trash. There were several times when I was watching the film that I actually couldn't bring myself to believe how bad what I was witnessing onscreen really was. This might be the worst film I have ever seen.
It has without a doubt taken the crown of the worst superhero movie ever made from Fan4stic and is downright insulting. I cannot believe that they chose to make this dogshit over another one with Ron Perlman and Del Toro. Almost every single aspect of this movie is garbage and there are hardly any redeeming features.
Let's talk about the main character, this movie's version of Hellboy. We all knew going in that David Harbour had some pretty big shoes to fill left by Perlman and in Harbour's defence, pretty much the only slightly positive aspect of this thing is the fact that you can tell that Harbour is doing the very best with the piss poor material he has been given to work with. Most of his lines are awful and the way that his character is written as a moaning, whiny bitch is actually insulting to the character. Also, the excessive makeup he is wearing means that he is hardly able to emote with his mouth. When he is talking, his mouth simply opens and closes like a puppet and it is painfully obvious that the dialogue has been dubbed in later and it's not even been done very well. The other slight positive in this movie is seeing Hellboy in his full demonic getup with long horns and donning the flaming crown and sword was pretty cool, unfortunately this is only a fleeting glimpse of coolness before we get right back to the crap.
The other memorable part of the Del Toro Hellboy movies was the endearing supporting cast, unfortunately they have been substituted with an insufferable lot of replacements. The actress playing Alice may give the worst performance that I have ever seen in a comic book movie, (and I saw Polar!) Every single line that she uttered was extremely cringe-worthy and poorly delivered. Daniel Dae Kim was almost as bad as Hellboy's other sidekick. Again, a lot of his lines were ADR'd in later and it is really shoddily done. Ian McShane plays Broom, the scientist that found Hellboy and adopted him and he is sleepwalking his way through this role for the sake of an easy paycheck. As is Milla Jovovich, she plays a stereotypical villainous witch and she does nothing here that we haven't seen her do before in other movies.
Over my years of watching almost every comic book movie that releases, I have seen my fair share of cheap, cartoony looking CGI, but this takes the cake. Almost every scene in the movie features some kind of CGI creature and they are all on a similar level of quality to an unfinished student project. One of the moments it really stood out was the giant fight, where we were subjected to not only one bad CGI giant, but three of them. The scene is also shot in broad daylight, which really does the bad CGI no favours. Not once, did anything in this movie look better than anything in the Del Toro movies which came out 10+ years ago.
I'm going to spoil something here, because seriously who gives a fuck at this point? The absolute worst part of CGI though in the entire movie, is undoubtedly during one of the final scenes in the movie where Ian McShane comes back to speak to Hellboy as a ghost. The CG in this scene is genuinely on par with the Rock's CG in in the Scorpion King. Yes, it really is that bad.
The soundtrack is so misused here also. The songs themselves that are featured are all half decent songs, but they do not work in the context of this film and they add absolutely nothing to the scenes that they are used in. The editing is also horrible, there were several times that I was reminded of the cheap editing in shows like Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
The last thing that I want to talk about is the tone and humour, (or lack of,) present throughout the film. The movie opens with a flashback scene showing King Arthur chopping up the witch. The scene is being narrated by Ian McShane and it is chock-full of diabolically awful dialogue and insufferably cheesy line delivery. Whilst watching it I thought, "Oh they are really hamming it up here and going for a really corny tone for these flashback scenes." I then swiftly came to the soul-crushing conclusion that no, this was how the next 2 hours of this movie was going to go. The awful sense of humour is actually comparable to that in a poor quality kids film, with gross out burp and kiss jokes to boot. What happened to the darker, more horror orientated tone that we were teased with when the movie was in pre-production? Any semblance of that is sorely lacking here and it is a shame because I would have quite liked to have seen that movie and there is a good chance that it would have been a lot better than this dumpster fire.
Overall, please don't see this unless you hate yourself. It is two hours of your life that would be better spent doing literally anything else. At the end it has the audacity to tease a sequel which, (if there is a God,) will never happen.
It has without a doubt taken the crown of the worst superhero movie ever made from Fan4stic and is downright insulting. I cannot believe that they chose to make this dogshit over another one with Ron Perlman and Del Toro. Almost every single aspect of this movie is garbage and there are hardly any redeeming features.
Let's talk about the main character, this movie's version of Hellboy. We all knew going in that David Harbour had some pretty big shoes to fill left by Perlman and in Harbour's defence, pretty much the only slightly positive aspect of this thing is the fact that you can tell that Harbour is doing the very best with the piss poor material he has been given to work with. Most of his lines are awful and the way that his character is written as a moaning, whiny bitch is actually insulting to the character. Also, the excessive makeup he is wearing means that he is hardly able to emote with his mouth. When he is talking, his mouth simply opens and closes like a puppet and it is painfully obvious that the dialogue has been dubbed in later and it's not even been done very well. The other slight positive in this movie is seeing Hellboy in his full demonic getup with long horns and donning the flaming crown and sword was pretty cool, unfortunately this is only a fleeting glimpse of coolness before we get right back to the crap.
The other memorable part of the Del Toro Hellboy movies was the endearing supporting cast, unfortunately they have been substituted with an insufferable lot of replacements. The actress playing Alice may give the worst performance that I have ever seen in a comic book movie, (and I saw Polar!) Every single line that she uttered was extremely cringe-worthy and poorly delivered. Daniel Dae Kim was almost as bad as Hellboy's other sidekick. Again, a lot of his lines were ADR'd in later and it is really shoddily done. Ian McShane plays Broom, the scientist that found Hellboy and adopted him and he is sleepwalking his way through this role for the sake of an easy paycheck. As is Milla Jovovich, she plays a stereotypical villainous witch and she does nothing here that we haven't seen her do before in other movies.
Over my years of watching almost every comic book movie that releases, I have seen my fair share of cheap, cartoony looking CGI, but this takes the cake. Almost every scene in the movie features some kind of CGI creature and they are all on a similar level of quality to an unfinished student project. One of the moments it really stood out was the giant fight, where we were subjected to not only one bad CGI giant, but three of them. The scene is also shot in broad daylight, which really does the bad CGI no favours. Not once, did anything in this movie look better than anything in the Del Toro movies which came out 10+ years ago.
I'm going to spoil something here, because seriously who gives a fuck at this point? The absolute worst part of CGI though in the entire movie, is undoubtedly during one of the final scenes in the movie where Ian McShane comes back to speak to Hellboy as a ghost. The CG in this scene is genuinely on par with the Rock's CG in in the Scorpion King. Yes, it really is that bad.
The soundtrack is so misused here also. The songs themselves that are featured are all half decent songs, but they do not work in the context of this film and they add absolutely nothing to the scenes that they are used in. The editing is also horrible, there were several times that I was reminded of the cheap editing in shows like Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
The last thing that I want to talk about is the tone and humour, (or lack of,) present throughout the film. The movie opens with a flashback scene showing King Arthur chopping up the witch. The scene is being narrated by Ian McShane and it is chock-full of diabolically awful dialogue and insufferably cheesy line delivery. Whilst watching it I thought, "Oh they are really hamming it up here and going for a really corny tone for these flashback scenes." I then swiftly came to the soul-crushing conclusion that no, this was how the next 2 hours of this movie was going to go. The awful sense of humour is actually comparable to that in a poor quality kids film, with gross out burp and kiss jokes to boot. What happened to the darker, more horror orientated tone that we were teased with when the movie was in pre-production? Any semblance of that is sorely lacking here and it is a shame because I would have quite liked to have seen that movie and there is a good chance that it would have been a lot better than this dumpster fire.
Overall, please don't see this unless you hate yourself. It is two hours of your life that would be better spent doing literally anything else. At the end it has the audacity to tease a sequel which, (if there is a God,) will never happen.
BD
Being David Archer: And Other Unusual Ways of Earning a Living
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Timothy Bentinck has played the part of David Archer in BBC Radio 4's The Archers since 1982. He is...