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Call of Duty: Black Ops II - Uprising
Call of Duty: Black Ops II - Uprising
2013 | Shooter
With the recent announcement of Call of Duty: Ghosts speculation has run rampant as to what the series has in store especially with the promise of the new gaming engine and new consoles on the horizon. However Call of Duty: Black Ops II shows that there’s still plenty of life left in the game with the release of Uprising, the second of four planned map packs for the game. Uprising is available for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC versions of the game and does require the original game in order to play. Players can purchase the map pack individually or as part of a season pass that allows all past and future content for the game to be acquired at a discounted price.

The pack offers for new maps as well as a new zombie mode called Mob of the Dead, which casts players as inmates at Alcatraz which is being overrun by the undead. Gameplay wise it is similar to pass on the modes in net weapons, power ups, ammunition, and access to other areas of the maps can be obtained through purchase using the in game currency accrued from dispatching the undead.

There is also a nice surprise to this that in addition to trying to locate and assemble parts to make your escape, the voice talents of Michael Madsen, Joe Pantoliano, Chazz Palminteri, and Ray Liotta, provide a very nice depth to the game as they helped bring an infusion of personality to the characters which really makes you care about their outcome.

There is an afterlife mode as well which is necessary for accessing certain areas and gathering components needed for survival. It is also very satisfying to shock some of the undead minions while in this gameplay mode. Players were one and make sure to avoid the new boss Brutus who gives out a solid amount of damage every time he appears.

The four maps are available for play in various modes such as Team Death Match and Mosh Pit but do not offer the number of online modes that are available for the standard version of the game.

 Vertigo is set in a futuristic high-rise in India and requires gamers to be very careful about where they step if they wish to avoid plummeting several stories to their doom. With a circular outside platform and limited indoor areas the emphasis is on using cover as much as possible especially from the abundant cargo and air-conditioning units that litter the map. I found this to be the least satisfying for my style of play as not being able to run, and constantly being at the mercy of snipers did make it very frustrating for me.

 Encore is set in London at a music festival and offers a nice mix of options for players of all gaming styles. From the backstage area which is ideal for setting mines and other traps, to the grandstand boxes which offer numerous opportunities for snipers to ply their craft. Since neither these are my style of play, I was content to work my way under the stage, and through the clubs, restrooms, and park areas as well as on stage to catch enemy units transitioning from one point of the map to the other. The key is not stay in one place too long as I start to the run and gun mode and had solid success.

 Magma is set in Japan following a volcanic eruption. Having to avoid lava and make your way over cooling areas through the village is definitely a nice visual touch. Everything from fish markets to subway stations and trains are on hand, but players have to be quick on the trigger as there are numerous areas for enemies to hide and blend into the shadows. Once I learned some of the nuances of the map, I did find myself having better luck and have racked up scores closer to my average on this one.

 Studio is a reworking of the classic Firing Line map and is set at a Hollywood film studio. From the long areas of the lot which are ideal for snipers as well as the ample rooftop spaces, players must be on their toes because death can come from anywhere at any time. From a T Rex to a crashed alien ship this map has plenty of variety. One moment you are moving through a medieval castle, the next moment you are walking through a saloon and then stomping a miniaturized city like Godzilla. There are also plenty of other great locales and it would be fun just to run through and sightsee if there was not so much mayhem going on around you.

I find it best to avoid snipers zones and make your way through the areas that offer plenty of cover and make great use of the trailers as they certainly provide cover and great areas of transition as well as ambush.

While uprising does not offer anything new in terms of weaponry, equipment, or rewards, what it does offer is several hours of new gameplay enjoyment for friends of the series who are in need of effects while they wait for the next release in the series. With two more map scheduled between now and November, you’ll want to check this out and as long as you are moderate in your expectations understanding these are simply new maps to enhance your gameplay, then you might find yourself really enjoying what is being offered with this diverse yet enjoyable collection.

http://sknr.net/2013/05/19/call-of-duty-black-ops-2-uprising/
  
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)
2019 | Action, Crime, Thriller
We left off at the end of John Wick 2 with our lead's imminent excommunication. He's been given an hours grace, in a city that's filled with assassins his odds don't look good, but even for John Wick... bad odds are still pretty good.

I've been contemplating the story to this since I watched it. There doesn't feel like much of one. He's attempting to save his life, sure, but that's really the only thing. It feels very much like a set up for the sequel, which depending on what you read is either already planned or not planned at all.

I don't really think we go to see John Wick movies for the plot though, do we? So on that front it delivers spectacularly. The opening was immense, we come in knowing that it's all going to kick off pretty quickly after the last instalment so the anticipation is with you from the off, and it doesn't disappoint. Sheer kick-assery that we've come to expect from the franchise.

As the clock ticks over the hour and John Wick's own time is now running out he dashes through the streets (rather bold for someone with a $14 million bounty on his head) trying to make his way to people who might actually help him. Of course he's spotted by one of the thousands of assassins and villains that seem to litter the streets of New York. He ends up in a handily weaponised building and we see him take on a gang of knife proficient bad guys. The scene in this sequence, with the weapons cupboards, had everyone in the cinema chuckling.

Laughter was a surprising feature of the film, the same chuckling rippled through several scenes and broke up the violence. Some of that violence did also bring out the odd pained "ooh" as we recoiled from the screen in sympathetic pain for the character.

The complexities of the fight scenes are epic, but there was one moment in particular that stuck out as being scripted... yes, yes, I know it's all scripted! We see a very brief pause and the reaction's slow in a moment that was such a departure from everything around it that it was very noticeable to me. (On second viewing, while I still saw it, it wasn't as bad as I had seen it the first time.)

One other fight scene made me pause with a moment of being picky. John and Sofia are fighting every bad guy in Morocco. It was epic, it was fun... but everywhere I looked, "someone's going to fall off that and land on that". The set-up of the scenery was such a giveaway to upcoming action that it took some edge of the action.

The cast is filled to the brim with wonderful actors. Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne, Lance Reddick and Anjelica Huston were brilliant. I was a little taken aback to see Jerome Flynn appear as Sofia's old boss, Berrada. I winced a little when I noticed that he was playing it with an accent, but I had to take it back because he was rather good with it. There was no one that I thought was "letting the side down", everyone brought their A-game.

There's only one character that did something that disappointed. Zero, played by Mark Dacascos, is a very disciplined man. He's a master with the knife, a master of death, and his action sequences are incredible. He also gets a very funny moment in The Continental before my moment of disappointment. They turn him into a fanboy, and while the contrast has the potential to be amusing it's actually better achieved with characters later in the film. Zero's change felt uncomfortable and out of place.

I shouldn't put all of that in one place, there's one other very short moment in the film that seems out of character/place, and that's at the very end of the film. It felt so odd that I would have ended it a scene earlier. I liked the reveal, but it would have left a bit more intrigue without it.

We can't talk about John Wick without talking about doggos, and these ones were exceptionally good. The two new additions are very talented and look like they get to have a lot of fun. But my heart belongs to Dog though. When he turns up in a taxi... 😢

Can we all face up to some facts at this point, please? John Wick... super assassin... well, he isn't really is he? He's just really resilient when taking a beating, and very persistent when it comes to shooting things! He'd waste a lot less ammo if he didn't put a minimum of three bullets into every body.

Parabellum was action packed and showed us some very imaginative pieces, but it didn't feel quite as well rounded as either of the other two. I'm still looking forward to what's to come, the pure action is amazing I love to see what they think of next. On the horizon we've got a fourth film, which is listed as Ballerina, and a TV series called The Continental. From this installment I could see some potential routes for the film, but it's the series I'm excited about. I would absolutely love it if each episode was in a different Continental.

What you should do

This movie is an "anyone" kind of thing. Old, young, couples, friends, lone cinema nerds... we were all there. If you love mindless violence and action then you should go and watch this, and look out for the best line of the whole film, "I get it."

If you don't like seeing bad things happen to good books, perhaps don't watch the first ten minutes or so.

Movie thing you wish you could take home
  
Rebel Rose (The Queen's Council #1)
Rebel Rose (The Queen's Council #1)
Emma Theriault | 2020 | Science Fiction/Fantasy, Young Adult (YA)
7
7.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
Set against the backdrop of revolutionary France, ‘Rebel Rose’ continues the story of Beauty and the Beast after the curse is broken. Belle and her Prince now have to find a way to navigate married life, rank, politics and explain a 10-year absence from the French Court of Versailles.

Controversially, Emma Theriault baits the hardcore Disney fans straight out of the gates by naming her Prince Lio (Lio, Lion, beast, gettit?) rather than Adam. In the grand scheme of things this can easily be forgiven but it still seems a strange choice. Maybe Adam was too English for a French Prince?

However, the use of first person perspective ensures that our protagonist remains firmly in Belle. Belle has refused the title of Princess upon marriage in order to stay true to her roots but is constantly hiding her true self: even referring to a trip around Europe as “one last adventure before the walls of the castle close around her”. When Belle witnesses the revolutionary sparks within the city this divides her further: how can she be part of the nobility these people rally against and an avid “commoner” at the same time?

In truth, Belle as a character divided me as well. Belle has always been my favourite Disney Princess (possibly to do with that massive library) and, in the most part, I feel Theriault wrote her well and stayed true to the character. However, in the early pages Belle felt very spoilt and selfish to me: preferring to disguise herself and explore Paris rather than support Lio in explaining his decade-long disappearing act to King Louis.

I was intrigued to know what my fellow reviewers thought and was unsurprised to see a LOT of criticism of our heroine, her shunning of the title of Princess and her lack of enthusiasm to be a leader. However, I almost felt that this made the story more realistic. Just because she broke a curse and married a Prince doesn’t mean she can automatically feel ready and comfortable leading a kingdom! Maybe she just has a fondness for hairy men?

Belle’s reluctance and tentativeness to lead also fed very nicely into her passion to improve the lives of the residents of the kingdom of Aveyon. This is common sense to her and therefore doesn’t feel like ruling. Indeed, it is not seen by any of the main characters as ruling but in the end it saves them all from a revolution of their own.

I would have liked Lio to be a little bit more developed than he was. The fact that he harboured an element of PTSD from the curse was really interesting but not explored any further than his nightmares and aversion towards roses. There was undoubtedly chemistry between him and Belle but it was just a bit lacklustre in my opinion. This may be due to his absence for a lot of the book but I felt the reader could have loved him a lot more than we did.

Lio’s cousin Bastien is the slimy villain of the tale and I would have liked a bit more mystery and suspense within his character. I appreciated that Belle didn’t like him initially as he was a powdered, wig wearing noble who was close to King Louis, basically as far away from Belle as possible. Bastien is also quite snobby towards Belle in his earliest chapters so you can’t blame her for disliking him.

  However, by using language to plainly show that Belle distrusts her husband’s cousin, Theriault instantly creates a flashing neon “villain” sign above his head. This would have been fine in a middle-grade book but within YA I think the reader could have been afforded to be misled a couple of times before uncovering Bastien’s real intentions.

**This section contains spoilers**
I also believe that Bastien’s eventual story arc was a tad unbelievable. At first I thought his revolutionary sympathies and further plots with various goons was a ruse in order to gain the throne for himself, particularly once he had established himself firmly with the advisory. Emma Theriault’s decision to keep Bastien true to the revolution seemed rushed, and a bit odd to be honest. This is a noble who lives in the lap of luxury and attends to King Louis himself but who then turns on his own kind after basically forcing the kingdom of Aveyon to break away from France? It didn’t seem plausible to me.


Rebel Rose is an easy to read continuation of one of our favourite Disney tales. It reintroduces us to old favourites such as Mrs Potts and Lumiere as well as introducing new characters such as Marguerite and Bastien. Belle’s journey to staying true to herself and following her gut is one anyone can empathise with and her discovery that she does not have to appease to outsider’s expectations will never cease to be important.

The magic contained within this novel is a perfect springboard for the rest of the novels within the Queen’s Council series: the next one is based on Mulan and will be written by Livia Blackburne before Jasmine’s story by Alexandra Monir follows in 2022. The majority of the action within this novel does take place towards the end so it can be a little slow paced and politics focused but I enjoyed seeing Belle and Lio break free of their fairytale life and become a little more real.

Although this isn’t my favourite Disney novel, I do appreciate the break away from the retelling genre and the move towards bringing these well-known characters into the real world. For a debut novel I think Emma Theriault should be immensely proud: the research for the historical context alone must have been a mission!
  
Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game
Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game
2012 | Card Game, Comic Book / Strip
Teamwork makes the dream work! That’s how the saying goes, right? And in Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game, it is certainly the truth! When I say it’s a team-building game, I mean that both literally and figuratively – you must recruit heroes and work semi-cooperatively with your fellow gamers to defeat the evil Mastermind before they take over the city!

In an era where superheroes are the norm, the days of petty crime are over. As the protectors of our world have grown in power, so too have those who would see it fall to chaos. Out of the shadows comes a nefarious Mastermind who has engineered the most wicked evil scheme the world has ever seen. With an ever-growing band of followers and henchmen to carry out the plot, the future looks dismal. But do not fear – the supers are here! This job is way too big for only one single hero to handle, but if they all band together, then maybe, juuuust maybe, they might be able to pull it off…

DISCLAIMER: There are several expansions to this game, but we are not reviewing them at this time. Should we review them in the future we will either update this review or post a link to the new material here. -T

Set in the world of Marvel comics and, recently, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Legendary: Marvel is a cooperative deck building game. Players take turns drafting and playing cards to recruit heroes to their team and to fight off the villains trying to carry out the sinister scheme. You have to strategize how you want to build your deck to best complete the mission – do you recruit heroes that give you special abilities (like drawing additional cards), or do you recruit strong heroes that give you lots of attack points? The choice is entirely up to you! Although all players are building their own individual decks, you must also devise a team strategy because all players either win or lose together as a team. That being said, there is a small competitive aspect to this game – the player with the most Victory Points (earned by defeating villains and rescuing bystanders) is deemed the most legendary hero of the game! Exactly how competitive the game gets is up to the players. I personally prefer a more cooperative approach and usually don’t tally up VPs at the end of the game – either the team won or we lost.

The beauty of this game is that it can be played with any combination of Marvel characters – you are not limited to only using specific teams. Selecting which heroes/villains/Mastermind/etc. to use is at the discretion of the players. Want Iron Man to team up with Deadpool and Wolverine to fight off Kingpin? Go for it! You have basically the entire Marvel universe from which to choose, so the sky is the limit! With so many options, though, it can be a little overwhelming, so I usually use a randomizer app to create a setup for me. Sometimes the setup itself will determine how the entire game will play out – certain combinations of Mastermind/villains/scheme can be BRUTAL to play and difficult to win. But the cool thing about this game is that you cannot just look at a setup and tell if it will be difficult or not – that realization only will come once you start playing!

I love playing this game because of its immense variability – the base game alone has 500 cards! The ability to choose your own heroes, villains, Masterminds, and Schemes means that you will probably never play the same game twice. And on top of that, Legendary: Marvel currently has like 19 expansions! The possibilities are truly endless, and that is the Holy Grail for me when it comes to gaming. I know that I will never get bored of this game because it is a different experience every game.

On the flip side, my main grievance with Legendary: Marvel is with the physical setup and teardown. Every play uses SO MANY cards that it does take a decent amount of time to get setup or put away. Every individual hero/villain/Mastermind/etc. must be sorted and stored separately, and with 500+ cards, that time adds up. When deciding on a game to play, sometimes I skip Legendary: Marvel because of the time it takes to set up. I LOVE to play it, but sometimes I do not feel like taking that much time to set up – I just want to play! My other grievance deals with certain hero superpowers/special card text. Some hero cards have special text, and the definitions are outlined in the rule book but not on the cards themselves. Until I learned/memorized what that special text meant, I was constantly referring back to the rule book nearly every turn to make sure I was using the cards correctly. There is a bit of a learning curve with some of the hero text, but it does get better the more you play!

Don’t let the simplicity of the mechanics fool you – this game requires more strategy than meets the eye! You must not only decide on a strategy for building your individual deck, but you and your teammates must also collectively choose a group strategy to defeat the Mastermind. Cooperation is key, and it really helps the theme of the game come to life. Definitely a winner for Purple Phoenix Games with a butt-kicking 24 / 24 and a well-earned Golden Feather Award!
  
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Alien: Covenant (2017)
2017 | Horror, Sci-Fi
Horrific Beasts and How to Avoid Them.
I seem to be in a bit of a minority in quite liking Ridley Scott’s last Alien outing – 2012’s “Prometheus”: a heady, if at times ponderous, theory to the origins of man. The first hour of that film is really good. But for me, what made the original 1979 film so enthralling was the life cycle of the ‘traditional’ Xenomorph aliens through egg to evil hatchling to vicious killing machine. This somewhat got lost with “Prometheus” with a range of alien-like-things ranging from wiggly black goo to something more familiar… and frankly I was confused. Some – repeat, some – of the explanation for that diversity of forms in “Prometheus” is made clearer in the sequel “Alien: Covenant”.

“Covenant” (named again after the spaceship at its heart) is a follow-on sequel to “Prometheus”, so it is worth re-watching it if you can before a cinema trip. At the end of that film we saw Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”) and a reconstructed android David (Michael Fassbender, “Steve Jobs“) flying off in an alien craft still loaded with its cargo of nasty alien black goo. Shaw had a mission to seek out The Engineer’s home world – named “Paradise” – to find out why after creating man they were intent on going back to finish them off with a WMD. A neat prologue has been released which documents this… here:


We pick up the action 10 years later in a totally improbable 2104. (Give us a break writing team! [Story by Jack Paglen and Michael Green; screenplay by John Logan and Dante Harper]. We know they won’t have got through planning permission on the third Heathrow runway by then, let alone invented interplanetary travel…! 2504, maybe!)
Daniels (Katherine Waterston, “Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them“) has just suffered a sudden bereavement (an uncredited James Franco – – blink and you’ll miss him). She has also been rudely awakened from hypersleep due to a sudden system mishap: no, not to find Chris Pratt there like “Passengers“, but by the ship’s android Walter (also Michael Fassbender) who’s also revived the rest of the crew. While effecting repairs they receive a garbled John Denver track mysteriously beamed to them from an earth-like planet not too far away. As this might be a suitable homestead, and as spending weeks more in hypersleep is unattractive, Captain Oram (Billy Crudup, “Spotlight“) votes to check it out, against Daniels’ strong objections. Needless to say, this proves to be a BIG MISTAKE as the new film neatly links hands with the first film.

Kick-ass… Katherine Waterston being careful not to slip in the shower.

There’s a limit to what more I can say about the film without delivering spoilers (so I have added a few more comments in the spoiler section BELOW the trailer). It’s a far more action-oriented film than “Prometheus” and has enough jump scares and gore to please most Alien fans. (In fact, it’s a surprise to me that it got a UK “15” certificate rather than an “18”: how much more violence do you need to show in the film?) A shower scene towards the end of the film is particularly effective and will likely put an end to relaxing shower sex for many people for good!
It also looks visually stunning (cinematography is by Dariusz Wolski (“The Martian“, “Pirates of the Caribbean”) with location shooting in Milford Sound in New Zealand. The special effects are also a cut-above the normal CGI with a devastated Pompeii-like city, a picture of blacks and greys, being particularly effective.

In the acting stakes it is really all down to Waterston and Fassbinder. I wasn’t a great fan of Waterston in “Fantastic Beasts” – a bit insipid I thought – but here she adopts Ripley’s kick-ass mantle with ease but blends it beautifully with doe-eyed vulnerability. Some of her scenes reminded me strongly of Demi Moore in “Ghost”. Fassbinder is fascinating to watch with his dual roles of Walter and David, both slightly different versions of the same being. And the special effects around the Fassbinder-on-Fassbinder action, tending somewhat towards the homoerotic in places, are well done.

Unfortunately the rest of the crew get little in the way of background development, which limits the impact of the inevitable demises. They are also about as clinically stupid as the spaceship crew in “Life” in some of their actions; I guess you could put some of this down to the effects of panic, but in other cases you might see it as a simple cleansing of the gene pool in Darwinian fashion.
Also making uncredited guest appearances are Guy Pearce as Weyland (in a flashback scene) and Noomi Rapace.

Music is “by” Jed Kurzel, but to be honest he does little than wrap around re-versions of the original Jerry Goldsmith classics: not that this is a bad thing, since those themes are iconic and a joy to hear again on the big screen.
My expectations for this movie were sky-high, as it was hinted as a return to form for the franchise. And in many ways it was, with a “man, Gods and androids” theme adding depth to the traditional anatomical-bursting gore. But to be honest, some of the storytelling was highly predictable, and I left slightly disappointed with the overall effort. If my expectations were an 11/10, my reality was more like a 7/10. It’s still a good film, and I look forward to watching it again. But perhaps this is a franchise that has really run its course now for Mr Scott and he should look to his next “Martian”-type movie for a more novel foundation to build his next movie “log cabin on the lake” on.
  
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Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) in Movies

Feb 19, 2022 (Updated Feb 19, 2022)  
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
2022 | Horror
Decent blood and gore. (0 more)
Wasted backstories that go nowhere. (3 more)
Rehashes and recreates the original film while not offering much of its own material.
New characters fall flat.
Feels like a half-cocked attempt at a new "film. "
Tearing the Face Off of a Horror Franchise
Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a direct sequel to the original 1974 film nearly 50 years later. Directed by David Blue Garcia with a screenplay by Chris Thomas Devlin and a story by Fede Alvarez (co-writer and director of the 2013 Evil Dead remake) and Rodo Sayagues (Don’t Breathe 1 & 2), Texas Chainsaw Massacre follows a group of young 20-somethings as they venture from Austin to Harlow, TX; a seven hour drive.

Dante (Jacob Latimore, Detroit) and Melody (Sarah Yarkin, Happy Death Day 2U) are business partners with somewhat of an impressive internet following. Dante is a chef who is looking to expand and Harlow is just the type of remote town to do it in. Melody’s teenage sister Lila (Elsie Fisher, Eighth Grade) and Dante’s fiancé Ruth (Nell Hudson) have tagged along mostly for emotional support.

With bank investors on the way to scout the location, the young foursome discovers a dilapidated orphanage with an old woman (Alice Krige, Gretel & Hansel) still living inside along with the last of what she refers to as, “her boys.” Dante and his friends awaken the mostly dormant monster known as Leatherface. Sally Hardesty (Olwen Fouéré) has been searching for Leatherface since he killed her friends all those years ago and now she can finally have the vengeful closure that she deserves.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise is mostly trash. Leatherface has gotten the manure treatment outside of the original film, the 2003 remake, and maybe the 1986 sequel. The timeline is as messy and inconsistent as Halloween as whatever takes place behind the scenes between sequels, remakes, and reboots all seems to result in lackluster or sometimes atrocious outings for one of the most recognizable horror movie icons.

This new film can’t seem to decide what it wants to be. Sally is brought back for a half-hearted cameo as she does nothing but wear a cowboy hat, stare at a picture, cock a shotgun, and gut a pig. She’s meant to be the connection between this film and the original and it just doesn’t work. Texas Chainsaw Massacre also just seems to lift aspects from the original film as well as other non-genre films without ever offering its audience anything original or actually worthwhile.

The ending is basically lifted directly from the original as is the aspect of a group of young people running into trouble on a road trip far away from home. It’s young, city outsiders versus born-and-bred country veterans. The film also has a weird amount of homage to Terminator 2 (Melody’s leg wound and the shotgun blasts to Leatherface by the water being similar to Sarah Connor’s showdown with the T-1000 near the end of T2). It also feels like it’s trying to capitalize on the success Halloween has had since it follows a similar format (making a direct sequel to the original film decades later).

On the bright side, the kills and the gore are mostly satisfying. The wrist breaking scene followed by being stabbed in the neck with the broken bone is gnarly. There’s a brutal head smashing scene with a hammer and the bus sequence is essentially horror movie fan heaven even if the setup and dialogue in said sequence is awful. The swinging door kill feels like it could have been better than it was since it covers up more than it reveals. You can either leave the brutality to the audience’s imagination or show everything in its nasty and gruesome glory; trying to do both in the same sequence just results in disappointment.

You can make the argument that you watch a film like this for the gore and not the story anyway, but that isn’t the point. When there’s this much of a wait between new entries fans deserve better. The frustrating aspect is that Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues are capable of providing a worthwhile story along with the blood and guts because they gave it to us with Evil Dead. There’s nothing here worth the nine year gap between this and the last Texas Chainsaw film (Texas Chainsaw 3D) or the five year gap between this and Leatherface. When it’s not recycling gags from the original film or borrowing from other franchises, it’s just young people being dumb for the sake of a cheap scare or kill.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn’t as unwatchable as some reviews are making it out to be, but it’s not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s barely 80-minutes long, so it has a relatively quick pace and the kills are solid. But the story is seriously lacking as there are elements that literally go nowhere; Lila’s backstory about why she’s so quiet doesn’t add much of anything other than a reason for her to never leave a padded cell when and if a sequel to this is ever made.

The problem now is that the successful film formula revolves around nostalgia, rehashing familiar sequences and storylines, and bringing back survivors for one final confrontation. This has all proven to crush the box office, especially during the pandemic. This results in there being no originality or creativity anymore; it’s just a repetition of what we’ve already seen. Until Leatherface can get a fresh face to wear, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise is doomed to run in circles with a sputtering chainsaw on a mostly deserted road no one wants to travel down.
  
Love, Death & Robots
Love, Death & Robots
2019 | Action, Animation, Comedy
CGI is amazing (1 more)
The Perfect Mix of Morbid Humour and Gore
The episodes are so short! (0 more)
A Masterpiece of the Weird and Fantastical
This is going to be a long one, I'm going to review each episode as they aren't linked or related in any way, but just know, they are all gorgeous works of art and you should totally go watch the whole thing ?.


Beyond the Aquila Rift - CGI was beautiful from the moment it started, I was like 'shiiiit this series is going to be everything I love'. This one is about a crew making a delivery in space, however nothing quite goes to plan. For me, it had a very 'Mass Effect' feel with the FTL travel. I was not expecting a full out sex scene in the first 6 minutes but then again the episodes are on average only 16 minutes long. It was rauncy yet somehow, still quite tasteful, but as with most animated stuff there was an excessive amount of topless boob shots. I won't spoil it, but it ended up as a horrific mind fuck that left a shiver down my spine ?.

Secret War - Again, CGI was epic and the story was the perfect mix of unsettling, gory, and tragic. It follows a platoon of Red Army soldiers who are hunting down mysterious 'monsters'. There's blood, there's guts, a guy has an arm off at one point - what more could you ask for?

Sonnie's Edge - Immediately feels hellishly grunge and rave. I absolutely adored the blacklight effects and a strong female styling, the fight is gorgeous, the monsters have almost a Kaju feel which really made me happy as I love Pacific Rim. Of course this epicness is immediately ruined by a sloppy scene (I won't spoil it) which cemented the fact in my mind this was written by a man (I checked later and found I was correct), it does save itself with a fantastic twist at the end though so it was still an amazing short.

Sucker of Souls - This had a great grungy cartooning that felt half Kill Bill, half 2003 TMNT. It ended up being a real bad day for an archaeological expedition. Gore injected with humour is always a favourite of mine and this ticked all those boxes, including a wisecracking explosives expert (looking at you Gary!) If we've learnt anything from Indiana Jones and Rick O'Connell it's, don't fuck with tombs. This time was no different.

Three Robots - There's something just so fucking fantastic about robots going on holiday and speculating about 'human' stuff. It's just the perfect injection of morbid humour and I love it. The twist at the end had me laughing harder than I had any right to ?.

Ice Age - I haven't seen Topher Grace since That 70's Show so I was like 'heeeey cool'. This was the first one that wasn't soley animation so that was really cool. They find a civilization in their freezer - yes, you read that right, their freezer - and the story is awesome ?. It's a neat reflection on humans and our place in the world.

The Witness - Set in a brightly coloured city the animation here feels very Borderlands-y, which is super cool because I fricking love that game ?. There's murder, full frontal nudity, erotic dancing, and an ending that will tear your head right off. Pretty neat all in all.

Suits - Great Googamooga, this is my absolutely favourite so far, a perfectly normal looking farm, complete with adorable hick accents, discovers a breach in their fence. This isn't just any breach, this is an alien style swarm complete with Mech Warrior suits and a woman named Mel, who I'm convinced is Tank Girl as an old lady. 17 minutes of utter badassery you do not want to miss. Utterly LOVED it, and would 10/10 watch this as its own series.

When the Yogurt Took Over - Ok so the name - I was like 'should I take this seriously? Oooor' ?. Weirdly serious - yet hysterical. A five minute journey into what happened when Yogurt became sentient. You will not be disaappointed ?.

Good Hunting - With animation that reminds me of The Last Airbender, it's a story of magic, friendship, and the industrial age. A beautiful and tragic story, with horrific overtones of what greed and 'progress' can do.

The Dump - The animation this reminds me of would be sorta like, if the people at Pixar got high with Tim Burton. There was one random thing - I found Pearly's dick swing in the wind much funnier than any sane person probably would ?. A great story about man's best friend and let me tell ya, everyone needs an Otto ❤.

Shape-Shifter - There's something so deeply interesting about putting the supernatural into regular life. Two men, who are not human, in the US marines. Insanely intense story for under 15 minutes. Gorgeous CGI work too.

Helping Hand - This had a great "Gravity" feel to it, when everything goes wrong you just keep going, give a little and then a little more and you achieve the impossible. Breathtaking space visuals is just an added bonus ?.

Fish Night - Telltale style animation, depicts a story of a father and son on the road. The car breaks down and something both magical and tragic happens. The ending left me reeling ?.

Lucky 13 - The CGI in this one was so good it took me half the time to figure out that it wasn't real. Lucky 13 was to Cutter like the Normandy was to Joker. Just - the best goddamn ship ❤.

Zima Blues - Animated in a style similiar to Archer, this was an interesting piece about art and how it effects us, we search for meaning through it sometimes it's about appreciating the little things ❤.

Blindspot - 90's animation and a rad story about robots. This is my second favourite after Suits, would 10/10 watch as its own movie ?.

Alternate Histories - Did not stop laughing the entire time. Utter gold. I will recommend one thing - pause it at the blue screen bit, you won't be disappointed ?.

The only thing I'm sad about is there wasn't more of this to watch, it was incredible ?.
  
40x40

Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) Apr 22, 2019

Really enjoyed reading through your individual reviews, agree with you 1000% about Sonnie's Edge

Quests of Valeria
Quests of Valeria
2017 | Card Game, Fantasy
One of the best parts of the board gaming experience is finding a fun group of people with whom to play! Sometimes, though, coordinating a game night is easier said than done. We all must occasionally forego the group experience and face the world as the Lonely Only. But fear not! The world of solo-play is a vast and exciting realm! What follows is a chronicle of my journey into the solo-playing world – notes on gameplay, mechanics, rules, difficulty, and overall experience with solo variations of commonly multiplayer games! I hope this will provide some insight as you continue to grow your collection, or explore your already owned games!

A royal King may rule the city of Valeria, but we all know who really is responsible for the prosperity of this kingdom – it’s YOU, the Guild Masters! Your hard work behind the scenes (providing work for Citizens, and overseeing the completion of various Quests) has helped turn Valeria into the thriving epicenter of life and commerce that it is today! Make sure you keep up the good work, because if you don’t, another Guild Master will jump at the opportunity to outperform you and win the favor of the King!

Quests of Valeria, a game of card drafting and hand management, pits players against each other as they try to hire Citizens to complete Quests and earn Victory Points. Each Quest requires certain Citizen roles and Resources to be completed, so strategy is key! Work efficiently, or another Guild Master could swipe a Citizen or Quest right out from under you! On your turn, you will take 2 actions from these listed: Draw, Hire, Reserve, or Quest. Citizen and Quest cards sometimes have special powers that, when played, allow you to take bonus actions on your turn. The game continues until a player has completed their 5th quest, and then all players count up their Victory Points. The player with the highest score is the winner! In solo play, the game ends when either the Citizen or Quest card deck is completely depleted – the solo player then counts up their Victory Points and tries to beat their personal best score!

As a solo game, Quests of Valeria is played almost exactly the same way, with one main gameplay difference. That difference has to do with the setup and handling of the available Citizen and Quest cards. In group play, Citizens and Quest cards remain in the game until their are either hired, completed, or actively discarded. In solo play, at the end of each turn, the Citizen and Quest cards at the furthest left side of the Tavern Line (play area, see photo below for reference) are discarded permanently from the game. All other cards shift one or more spaces as far left as possible in the Tavern Line and any remaining empty slots are refilled from their respective draw decks. This puts a time limit on how long cards remain in the game without being hired/completed. It really forces you to strategize which Citizens to hire and when since they only appear for a finite amount of time. The same goes for Quests – each turn pushes Quests closer to elimination from the game, so you must act quickly and efficiently to complete as many as you can before they are discarded.

I really like the idea of the shifting Tavern Line in solo play. The game would be so easy without it – there would be no rush to do anything and no real strategy involved since I could just bide my time until I have the appropriate Citizens to complete each Quest. With the shifting line, I do have to come up with an ever-changing strategy. I can’t just focus on one Quest – I have to be looking ahead to see what I need for the next quest and how long I have to complete that one too.

My only dislike of this game is that sometimes it can be slow-going getting your Guild up and running. Sometimes the Citizens and Resources I need just aren’t showing up in the Tavern Line (thanks to my awful card shuffling, I’m sure) and I just get to watch those Quests make their way through the line towards the discard pile. And then usually with my luck, I discard precious cards from my hand to Hire a Citizen that I was waiting for only to have all of those Quests slowly replaced by Quests for the Citizens that I was passing on! Since I can only have a maximum of 8 Citizens in my Guild at any given time, I can’t just recruit everybody until I get a Quest that needs those people. It’s a balancing act for sure, and it’s one that I haven’t quite mastered. I’m sure that once I figure out a better strategy for handling this type of situation, I’ll enjoy the game more. But for now, these stand-stills have me stumped.

Overall, I enjoy Quests of Valeria as a solo game. It requires a decent amount of strategy, and the more I play it, the more I like it. There’s no single strategy for success, and I like to try out different ones with each game – do I try to finish as many easy Quests as possible (fewer VPs each, but more Quests overall), or do I save up my Citizens and go only for the big Quests (lots of VPs, but also lots of required Citizens/Resources)? There’s not a right answer, and I enjoy being able to adapt my strategy to the cards currently in play. For such a simple game (Hire Citizens, complete Quests), Quest of Valeria keeps me engaged the entire time. It’s easy to learn, fast to play, and strategic enough that it keeps you hooked. Give it a try as a solo game – it might surprise you!

https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/03/28/solo-chronicles-quests-of-valeria/
  
The Midnight Meat Train (2008)
The Midnight Meat Train (2008)
2008 | Drama, Horror, Mystery
9
7.1 (9 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Step Away from the Meat
The Midnight Meat Train is a horror film based on the short story of the same name written by Clive Barker. The story was published in the first volume of Barker’s Books of Blood short story collection. The Books of Blood totaled six volumes with four to five stories in each volume and were published between 1984 and 1985. The first volume made Barker an overnight success with Stephen King hailing Barker as, “the future of horror.”

The screenplay for the 2008 film was written by Jeff Buhler (writer for the 2019 remakes of Jacob’s Ladder, Pet Sematary, and The Grudge) and directed by Ryuhei Kitamura (Versus, Godzilla: Final Wars). Bradley Cooper stars as a struggling photographer named Leon Kauffman. While he’s secured a job as a photographer, he hasn’t been recognized as a professional just yet. But Leon has a meeting with a professional artist named Susan Hoff (Brooke Shields) that could potentially change his career status. In Leon’s eyes, he doesn’t think that any other photographer has really captured the heart of the city and that’s what he aims to do with his work. However, Susan’s criticism is that Leon is failing at his dream and to only see her again once he finds what he’s looking for.

Leon confronts some thugs during a mugging and documents the ordeal with his camera. The pictures impress Susan and she tells Leon that he’ll be featured in her next show if he brings her two more shots like the newest ones. Leon encounters Mahogany (Vinnie Jones), a butcher that works at a meat packing plant. Leon develops an obsession over Mahogany and stalks him constantly while photographing him wherever he goes. Leon suspects that Mahogany and the train he takes so late at night are the cause for so many missing people over the past three years. Leon doesn’t know how these people disappear until he follows Mahogany onto the train one fateful evening. But this operation is much more complex and dangerous than Leon first realized and his life is forever altered because of it.

This is one of the few times where the short story that inspired the film was read before seeing it. This is coming from someone who is a sporadic reader at best, but Clive Barker has been a personal favorite author for as long as this cynically bonkers brain can remember. Most of the films based on Clive Barker’s works come from The Books of Blood; Book of Blood (Volume One), Dread (Volume Two), Rawhead Rex (Volume Three), Quicksilver Highway (Volume Four, “The Body Politik”), Candyman (Volume Five, “The Forbidden”), and Lord of Illusions (Volume Six, “The Last Illusion”). Barker has always been able to build these incredibly terrifying worlds in his writing with demented characters while maintaining this richly horrifying atmosphere. Thinking so highly of Barker and admiring his work so much made expectations a little high for this film. This is also Ryuhei Kitamura’s first American and English-speaking film. The Midnight Meat Train is one of the few times where the final product actually exceeded expectations.

The Midnight Meat Train pays more attention to blood, gore, and thrills than actually attempting to be scary. The kills in the film are exceptional and director of photography Jonathan Sela (John Wick, Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2) delivers some incredibly captivating cinematography. There’s a scene where Mahogany knocks a woman’s head off her shoulders with his mallet that he’s always carrying around, but you see it all from her perspective; she puts her hands up as a last defense before the final blow, the room spins, the camera focuses on Mahogany and the headless corpse, he lowers his mallet as she blinks a few times, and the camera pans out from her eyeball to show her severed head.

Vinnie Jones has an overwhelming and powerful performance in The Midnight Meat Train. He doesn’t have much in the way of dialogue, but he makes a massive impact on screen because of his enormous presence. The English actor is 6’2”, so you’re already drawn to this big guy when he enters a room anyway, but give him a gigantic meat mallet and a desire to kill and he evolves into this unstoppable monster that many would consider frightening. Jones knows how to utilize his facial expressions and body language in a way that says more than any string of dialogue would.

The one issue with the film is that every person seemed to be able to sense when somebody else was behind them. While it made for some intriguing camera shots, the execution killed whatever attempts at suspense The Midnight Meat Train was going for. It would have been more satisfying to see at least one person get shanked or clocked in the temple without expecting it.

The Midnight Meat Train is a relentless gorefest that remains true to its source material. The horror film is worth a watch for any fan of Clive Barker’s work or horror films in general. There was this sinking gut feeling that the film wouldn’t keep the ending in tact since it seemed like it wouldn’t translate well on-screen. Without giving too much away, the ending is completely satisfying to those who are familiar with the short story. This is a remarkably excellent horror film that fails to get the recognition it deserves.

The Midnight Meat Train is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, YouTube, and Google Play for $1.99, on Vudu for $2.99, and iTunes for $3.99. The Multi-Format Blu-ray (which is the unrated director’s cut version of the film) is currently $6.50 with prime shipping on Amazon Prime and the DVD is running for $9.99 with prime shipping. On eBay, the pre-owned DVD is $4.58, the brand new DVD is $8.49, and the new Multi-Format Blu-ray is $10.98 and all three have free shipping.
  
Call of Duty: Ghosts - Devastation
Call of Duty: Ghosts - Devastation
Shooter
The second of four planned content packs for Call of Duty: Ghosts has arrived and offers more than a way to tide fans over until the release the next pack and highly anticipated release of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare in November. Following the established formula of previous releases, the new collection offers four new maps, a new weapon, and a new episode for the alien themed Extinction gameplay mode.

 

The following maps are included in the collection.

 

Behemoth

This is set in a large excavation tool in Columbia where stairs, narrow corridors, and fast action are the order of business. Think of a cross between an oil rig and excavation machine and you have an idea what’s in store.

The upper levels of the map provide plenty of fast action and the interior locales get plenty of opportunity for close quarter combat. Running on the main deck may make you a favorite of snipers, but there are plenty of opportunities for players to duck out of harms way if they’re willing to jump over a ledge.

I have to say that this is my favorite of the new maps because I just really enjoyed the run and gun style of playing and this one suits me perfectly.

COD Ghosts Devastation_Behemoth Environment

Ruins

Set in Mexico, this map combines a jungle locale with plenty of temples. At first it was very frustrating as due to the excessive amounts of foliage and varying terrain levels, it was a campers paradise. I lost count of how many times I was spawn camped at the beginning of my play sessions but I soon developed instincts as to where opponents preferred to set up and hide. There is plenty of opportunity for fast and intense combat here as long as you’re willing to put up with the numerous snipers and campers that will letter the map.

When a player reaches a certain level of kill streak, they will become The Predator from the film series and this allows them to hunt opposing players using the heat vision of character as well as his wrist blades and plasma cannon. Should a player be lucky enough to take down this creature, he often gets the final laugh courtesy of his self-destruct mechanism which complete with sound effects from the film has devastating results.

COD Ghosts Devastation_Predator vs the Volcano

 

 

Unearthed

Set in a classified location this is often the most frustrating of the new maps for me. It is like a combination of Dome and a couple of other maps from previous games which forces combat to flow along and excavation site. There are some impressive things such as automatic doors and underground areas to fight within. However the central hub and elevated catwalk also lead to lots of sniping and camping. I had been spawn camped on this map more than any of the other maps combined but if you’re willing to lob a few grenades into the central hub, you can often be rewarded with some very impressive kill streaks.

COD Ghosts Devastation_Unearthed Environment

 

Collision

This New York based map is cluttered and dangerous as it is set aboard a crashed freighter that is mingled with the bridge and has all manner of vehicles and cargo containers aboard. Sniping is common here but the multilevel map and numerous interiors allow for a nice mix of gameplay styles. I remember recent session where I completed the final kills for our team by jumping down upon three passing enemies firing as I jumped. I have also racked up some very enjoyable kill streaks on this map that resulted in rocket strikes being called in. The detail level is good from the standing water in the lower sections of the ship to the cargo netting and containers that letter the upper levels. Seeing the wrecked New York City taxis was a nice touch as well as some of the more personal details in the crew quarter areas of the ship.

COD Ghosts Devastation_Collision Environment

 

The new weapon is called the Ripper and I found it to be a very interesting mix of submachine gun an assault rifle as it escaped will changing between the two on-the-fly. It is very high rates of fire which will rip opponent to shreds in short order hence how the weapon got its name. The high rate of fire though does go through your ammunition quickly so short bursts or plenty of time to reload is always recommend.

 

The final part of the collection is the Mayday episode of the alien themed Extinction. For players work with one another to infiltrate and clear a locale that is been overrun by the alien menace. Players purchase weapons upgrades based on the amount of enemies they dispatch and will also earn skill points based on their performance. Said skill points will let them do things such is offer ammunition upgrades to teammates and bring in electronics ranging from Sentry guns and other advanced weaponry. My first time through we made excellent progress as we seem to be well synced to take out the aliens and guard our drill that was required for advancement into the game.

This was short-lived as after several successful encounters we came across a group that had our number and dispatch us in quick succession which left no one to revive the fallen members. While it is a bit frustrating batch when this happens you must replay the entire session over the graphics and gameplay are definitely a very nice touch and I’m very happy to see that they have moved this to an episodic format because the narrative and back story bring a whole new level of enjoyment.

 

While not perfect, the collection is to me more enjoyable than many that maps the game shipped with at launch and therefore one that I can easily recommend. Those looking for the best value will want to purchase a season pass is that will get you all for the map packs at the discounted price which is certainly a is better than paying the going rate to get them à la carte.

http://sknr.net/2014/05/20/call-duty-ghosts-devastation-dlc/