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The Priory of the Orange Tree
The Priory of the Orange Tree
Samantha Shannon | 2019 | Fiction & Poetry, Science Fiction/Fantasy
10
8.3 (4 Ratings)
Book Rating
AMAZING epic fantasy.
Holy COW, you guys. I keep saying “I haven’t read much epic fantasy lately” and “I don’t have time to read such long books/series” but I made an exception for Priory, and I’m SO glad I did. Just WOW.

So the basic premise of this world is that The Nameless One (some gigantic evil dragon) was locked away a thousand years ago, and all his minions with him. The exact details of how and who did it have been mostly lost to history. It’s said that as long as the House of Berethnet rules Inys, he’ll never rise again, and Berethnet queens always have one child, a daughter. The current queen, however, is unwed, and minions of The Nameless One have begun rising, and in fact have conquered a few neighboring nations. We have three main factions of countries; The East, who have dragon riders, but make a distinction between their dragons, who are aquatic and identify with the stars, and the evil minions of The Nameless One, who are full of fire. Then we have Virtudom, which is headed by Inys, and is a coalition of countries who have made a religion of the Knightly Virtues. This is the West, and they make no distinction between the draconic servants of The Nameless One and the water dragons of the East. This has forced a split between the West and the East, because Virtudom won’t have anything to do with countries that have anything to do with dragons, because most of what they see is the third faction – the Draconic countries. These are countries conquered by minions of the Nameless One, and they are full of chaos, fire, evil, and plague.

This is the world the book opens on. Most of our main characters – Queen Sabran, her handmaiden Ead, the dragonrider Tané – are women, but we also have Doctor Niclays Roos, an alchemist, and Lord Arteloth Beck, a friend of the Queen. In this world, women are just as capable as men, and are treated as such. There are female knights, and same-sex relationships are just as ordinary as opposite-sex ones. There is a bit too much moral emphasis placed on monogamy/sex within the bounds of marriage, but I guess that’s “Knightly Virtue” for you. Skin color is only mentioned a couple of times, but I seem to remember Lord Arteloth being described as very dark-skinned, and Ead as golden-brown. Rather nice to see a fantasy NOT all caught up in racial and gender differences. Not to say there isn’t a fair amount of bigotry, but in this book it’s based pretty much solely on nationality and religion. And when the biggest sticking point is “do you like evil dragons or not” that kind of makes sense!

I think the only thing I didn’t like about this book was its size. It’s unwieldy to read, at over 800 pages! I’m not sure why they didn’t break it into a duology. Regardless, if you have the choice, I’d read it on Kindle. It would be far easier to handle. I’m not complaining about the amount of text, mind you. Just the sheer physical size. I can’t imagine the story being told in less time. There’s So. Much. Here.

This book goes from Queen Sabran’s court to the dragonrider academy in the East, to the draconic kingdom of Yscalin, to the Abyss where the Nameless One sleeps. We see glittering courts, hidden islands, sweltering tunnels through volcanic mountains, and deep valleys with secret magic trees. We battle wyrms and cockatrices, swim through endless seas with dragonriders, sail through storms with pirate crews, and navigate the trickiest of diplomatic matters with courtiers. The Priory of the Orange Tree paints an elaborate, incredibly complex world and I am absolutely here for it.

Okay, so one tiny quibble – while I liked the romance, I feel like it started kind of oddly. I didn’t see any reason for the initial spark. From there, it progressed perfectly, but I just didn’t get the beginning.

This book has multiple queer couples! There’s at least one same-sex couple mentioned as attending a party; Doctor Roos spends a lot of time mourning his dead lover, and there’s the lesbian romance between a couple of main characters. And one character has at least strong affection for a man before falling in love with a woman; I think she was in love with both. No trans or ace rep, but plenty of gay, lesbian, and bi!

This is hands-down the best book I’ve read so far this year. It took me three days – it’s a big book – but it is absolutely fantastic.

You can find all my reviews at http://goddessinthestacks.com
  
The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (2012)
The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (2012)
2012 | Action
5
5.0 (1 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Victor Webster sells the fights (5 more)
Ron Perlman is never a bad thing.
Neither is Temura Morrison.
Billy Zane is comically evil
Krystal Vee and Selina Lo pull off their reason for being here - hot chicks kicking ass.
Nice scenery and sets
Victor Webster fails to sell being The Rock, even aside from skin ton (2 more)
The story and lore are all over the place, not helped by the setting
The Warriors of the book announcing themselves just felt silly and contrived
Muddies the franchise and lore
The longer this goes the more damage this franchise does to itself. Let's review what we've seen so far:
-The Mummy Returns: At the end of his life, the Scorpion King leads an army to take over and subjugate the world, aided by Anubis, which proves that the Egyptian gods are, you know, gods.
-The Scorpion King: Mathayus is ostensibly the last living Akkadian, and leads a revolt against an evil king who....wants to take over and subjugate the world. Some tragic irony there, knowing where he ends up.
-The Scorpion King II: Rise of a Warrior: There's a whole kingdom of Akkadians, and Mathayus leads a revolt against the general who killed both his father and the rightful King, usurping the throne. Given that just a decade or two later the entire race has been wiped out, maybe putting the rightful heir back on the throne didn't end well?
Which brings us to this movie, featuring numerous human characters with the names of the Egyptian pantheon (maybe named in homage to their gods, but it feels like the idea is that these men will be mistaken for God's by myth and legend) and doubles down on the "conquest is evil" theme. Mathayus has lost his queen and kingdom from the first film to plague, reduced to being a mercenary again. The action primarily happens in Egypt and.... Cambodia? Vietnam? Thailand? Somewhere around there, with little explanation of how the characters go that distance. This just makes the whole thing more inconsistent and convoluted. I shudder to think about the damage the next one will do....
  
Studio 666 (2022)
Studio 666 (2022)
2022 | Comedy, Horror
If you like Foo Fighters, if you like metal, if you like The Evil Dead, then Studio 666 will be right up your street.
Considering that none of them are actors, the whole band do a pretty decent job here. Even the more awkward moments are played off nicely with a frequently funny script. The Foos have a well documented history of goofy music videos with a specific brand of humour, and Studio 666 definitely carries the same vibe over its feature length runtime. There are some familiar faces peppered throughout to pad up the cast. Jeff Garlin appears, being very Jeff Garlin. Leslie Grossman from American Horror Story, up-and-coming scream queen Jenna Ortega, and bonafide legend John Carpenter bring the horror credentials. A cameo from Lionel Richie (alongside a legit jump scare) and Slayer's Kerry King cover the music side of things, and the comedy is represented by the likes of Whitney Cummings and Will Forte. It's a pretty decent cast that surround Dave and the boys.
After the initial set up, proceedings do drag a fair bit in the middle, before everything goes full blown batshit. The gore in this movie is pretty ridiculous, and practically done for the most part with some impressive effects work. There's one kill in particular involving a chainsaw which is easily one of the gnarliest I've seen in a while. Even the CG demons don't look too shabby. As mentioned earlier, The Evil Dead has a huge part to play here, and the film is clearly influenced by it and its sequel, from the gratuitous blood sprays (and a blood filled lightbulb) to the way certain shots are framed, to an evil book made of human flesh, the whole project feels like one big homage.

Studio 666 is silly, visceral, gory fun, full of music industry jokes, a clear cut love for the horror genre, and a disgustingly riffy soundtrack. It could have quite easily been 15-20 minutes shorter, but it's a minor qualm that won't stop it from surely becoming a cult classic.
  
CW
Criers War ( criers war book 1)
9
9.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
29 of 235
Kindle
Criers War (Book 1)
By Nina Varela
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After the War of Kinds ravaged the kingdom of Rabu, the Automae, designed to be the playthings of royals, usurped their owners’ estates and bent the human race to their will.

Now Ayla, a human servant rising in the ranks at the House of the Sovereign, dreams of avenging her family’s death…by killing the sovereign’s daughter, Lady Crier.

Crier was Made to be beautiful, flawless, and to carry on her father’s legacy. But that was before her betrothal to the enigmatic Scyre Kinok, before she discovered her father isn’t the benevolent king she once admired, and most importantly, before she met Ayla.

Now, with growing human unrest across the land, pressures from a foreign queen, and an evil new leader on the rise, Crier and Ayla find there may be only one path to love: war.

This was one I didn’t want to put down. It was brilliant from start to finish a unique story. The characters are exactly how you expect them to be I just could not fault it. Highly recommended! Also a new author for me!
  
Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Trivia question for you…what does an immortal evil queen, King Arthur, Nazis and a boy born from Hell itself have in common? If you answered Hellboy you win a prize. The prize is going to the theater and watching the film and whether it’s a prize worth winning is something you’ll have to decide for yourself. I’m getting a bit ahead of myself though, so let’s rewind a bit and start at the beginning.

Hellboy (David Harbour) is a demon from Hell (hence the name), his backstory as we learn early on in the movie is pretty standard fare. The Nazi’s are on the verge of losing World War II and in a desperate move to turn the tide call upon the evil sorcerer Rasputin to call upon the depths of Hell and raise a champion who will fight for them. The incantation is interrupted when famous Nazi hunter Lobster Johnson (Thomas Haden Church) goes in with guns blazing, as other allied troops join the fray. Their relief at stopping the incantation is short-lived as the alter opens and a young demon climbs through. Professor Broom who had infiltrated the Nazi team had been brought in to put down any evil that was successfully summoned. Upon seeing the young demon, Professor Broom (for reasons known only to him at the time) decides not to kill him, but to take him in and raise him as his own.

Flash forward to present day, and Hellboy as we now know him alongside his father are members of the B.P.R.D (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense). On a mission to defeat some giants that are roaming the countryside in England they stumble upon an ancient evil that dark forces are trying to retrieve. It seems back in the dark ages a war between humans and monsters was being waged. Seeing no end to the violence King Arthur (Mark Stanley) and his faithful wizard Merlin (Brian Gleeson) offer to surrender to The Blood Queen (Milla Jovovich). On top the hill where the surrender is to take place, the Blood Queen is betrayed by one of her own and King Arthur, using the infamous blade Excalibur, cut the Blood Queen into several parts. While she can’t be killed, she can be contained and each of her body parts are placed in separate boxes. These boxes are then sealed with holy water that only a holy man can unlock and are sent to the farthest corners of England. If the Blood Queen ever returns, she will release a plague that will not only destroy England but spread across the entire world. Thus, sets the stage for Hellboy.

Being a fan of the previous movies and in particular the portrayal of Hellboy by Ron Pearlman, I wasn’t sure how to feel about David Harbour in this role. It’s always a bit hit or miss when a series is rebooted, and I was pleasantly surprised with how David Harbour stepped up and into the role. While he doesn’t have the same menacing size and gruffness that Ron Pearlman possesses, it didn’t take me long to adjust to this new version. He is joined by a strong supporting cast consisting of Sasha Lane as his ghost whispering friend Alice and Ben Daimo as an MI-11 agent weary of teaming up with a monster. Milla Jovovich does an outstanding job as the Blood Queen and her fairy-pig friend portrayed by Stephen Graham and Douglas Tait.

Visually the movie is stunning, with the numerous monsters and fairy creatures coming to life before your eyes. The movie is exceptionally gory as one might expect, with numerous limb dismemberments, decapitations, and more blood than anyone would expect to erupt from such wounds. It’s over-the-top and meant to be that way which tended to bring some uncomfortable laughter at times from those around me. Having recently played Mortal Kombat 11, I couldn’t help but feel that some of the fatality screens in that game would have felt right at home in this movie.

Story is where I feel Hellboy falls a bit flat. There are so many characters and side stories going on that it’s easy to get lost in it. From my description above, you can see that it includes King Arthur, Rasputin, Nazis, Secret Societies, Witches that eat children, monsters…and that’s only in the first half of the movie. There is a ton going on and there are a lot of disconnects. While trying to avoid spoilers, there is a part in the film where Hellboy is talking to Baba Yaga (see another character reference), and after tricking her she places a curse on him. I’m still trying to figure out if the curse she placed on him occurred in the movie or not. In fact, I’m trying to figure out exactly what the point of that scene was. It’s not a bad story, but it tries to pack in a TON of references in its brief hour and forty five-ish minutes.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never read any of the Hellboy graphic novels, I have seen both of the previous films, so I had a little bit of background going into this movie. I don’t know if all the references in the movie are pivotal to the novels or not. You certainly don’t have to have read them or seen the previous movies to appreciate this one, I just wonder if they tried to fit in too many Hellboy references into one film. Hellboy is an enjoyable ride, and it certainly doesn’t drag at all, in fact I was surprised at how quickly it was over. With all that being said, it’s a fun action-packed movie, with lots of gratuitous violence if that’s your thing. I certainly wouldn’t recommend taking your children to see it, violence aside, I just think there is way too much going on and it can be difficult to follow. Oh, and don’t forget to stay through the credits for the end credit scene. It’s not pivotal to the movie, but worth waiting around for.
  
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
1937 | Animation, Classics, Family
Darker than you might expect...
Contains spoilers, click to show
The first of Walt Disney's historic features was a pleasure to watch. Beautifully animated with deceptively gentle strokes, we are delicately guided through the Brothers Grimm's fairy tale. But this is still a fairy tale and a 1930′s film, made at a time where stories were not so toned down for our children, and a healthy dose of fear and horror was not shied away from.

Snow White is definitely a ditsy princess, so innocent that her counter has to be the personification of pure evil and she certainly is. The Queen, represents some of our darkest emotions, and there is little effort to tone this down, which I liked, a lot. She is evil, driven by her vain jealously to firstly attempt to have Snow White murdered, and then failing that, to poison her into a narcoleptic state and have her buried alive! Is this what you now think of a s Disney film, with a U rating? No, but thanks to this and the following films successes, this is a prized classic and untouchable. I think that this is a true family movie, with as much darkness as there is light, with some great musical numbers, indelible characters and an animation style which is truly timeless.

I mean this is a musical which was made in Technicolor less than ten years after the innovation of sound was introduced to black and white films. This is a film which children feel a part of and don't even compare to black and white's of the same era, which of course, they hate and don't feel are real.

Hats off to Walt, who I must admit, I've never really been a fan of, but I'm working my way through his classics and am liking what I am seeing so far.