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The Batman (2022)
The Batman (2022)
2022 | Action, Adventure, Crime
Paul Dano and Colin Farrell's Performances (2 more)
The Batmobile car chase with Oz
The different/damaged take on Bruce Wayne
Entirely too long - too much detective work (2 more)
Little to no chemistry between The Bat and The Cat
The raspy adventures of Batsy and Jimbo
When is a Bat Not Quite a Bat?
Matt Reeves’ The Batman isn’t an origin story. Instead Bruce Wayne (Robert Pattinson) treats every villain and every thug as if they were the ones to take his parents away from him. This is a version of Bruce Wayne that hates being Bruce Wayne; Batman is his legacy. The tragedy of losing his parents is his most defining characteristic. Bruce is a social hermit and the world’s biggest introvert in The Batman.

The Riddler (Paul Dano) kills Gotham’s mayor on Halloween night and he continues to target key political figures throughout the film. A cryptic riddle is left for Batman at every crime scene revealing just a big enough clue to keep Batman and Jim Gordon (Jeffrey Wright) entangled in Riddler’s enigmatic bloodbath. As Batman crosses paths with a cat-loving thief named Selina Kyle (Zoe Kravitz) and the magnificently sleazy Iceberg Lounge owner Oswald Cobblepot (Colin Farrell), he soon realizes that the Wayne family may be a bigger piece of the puzzle than he originally imagined.

Paul Dano is essentially the highlight of the film. Matt Reeves stated that his inspiration for his version of the character was The Zodiac Killer and it shows. Riddler’s costume is basically a camouflage gimp outfit with tactical advantages and a fetish for duct tape. Dano’s performance is haunting. His riddles are more akin to Jigsaw’s games from the Saw franchise. The character is at his best when he’s showcased in grainy cell phone videos where his shouting and heavy breathing are even more distorted than if he was standing right in front of you. The intriguing aspect is that Dano seems to be even more mesmerizing as the character once he’s unmasked. He’s able to tap into this lunacy, this dread, and this hypnotic terror that defines the character whether he’s hiding his face or not.

Featured less prominently is Colin Farrell as Oswald Cobblepot, who also delivers a fantastic performance. Farrell is so unrecognizable thanks to the facial prosthetics and fat suit that he’s wearing. Some of the aspects of The Penguin that makes him so dangerous is that he’s incredibly resourceful and he can talk his way into and out of just about anything. Farrell’s best moments as the character come during the Batmobile chase featured in the trailer followed by the conversation Batman and Gordon have with him immediately afterwards. You never knew how much you needed a Spanish lesson from Oz until Matt Reeves came along.

The Batmobile car chase is the best sequence of the film. It’s absolutely explosive and worth seeing in a theater. Michael Giacchino’s score is also bold and thrilling; it helps define the Batman character for a new generation with an undeniably epic theme. Matt Reeves compared Bruce Wayne to Kurt Cobain in this film. Bruce’s relationship with the spotlight and how he’d rather stay away from it is a lot like how Cobain viewed being famous. “Something in the Way” by Nirvana fits the Batman universe so well and it’s surprising nobody has ever thought of utilizing it until now.

This unusual version of Bruce Wayne in The Batman makes it feel unlike any other Batman film. Bruce Wayne is typically a playboy that is consistently showcased at public events that flaunts his fortune and bounces from woman to woman on a nightly basis. In The Batman, we see the smudged black eye makeup as Bruce takes off his cowl. Robert Pattinson didn’t bulk up for the role, so he has this pale and gaunt appearance. He has no interest in the business his father left him in charge of. Vengeance is his only purpose.

The Batman is also the first Batman film to actually feel like a detective story. So much time is devoted to the investigation aspect of the film; maybe too much time. The film is five minutes shy of being three hours long and The Batman feels like a three hour film. Some of these sequences feel like they could have been trimmed (did we really need to see Batman or Bruce Wayne go to the Iceberg Lounge so many times?) or cut entirely, but everything feels like it’s part of the bigger picture of capturing The Riddler. Every little stop along the way leads to the next clue or next big encounter. Unfortunately, it feels like a chore listening to Batman answer riddles for the sixth time in the midst of three hours.

Robert Pattinson is a seriously talented actor outside of the Twilight franchise and Zoe Kravitz chooses interesting projects to be a part of, but their chemistry in The Batman feels forced. Batman tracks down Selina Kyle almost like a stalker as he starts inserting himself into her life after a random encounter at The Iceberg Lounge. Despite being friends in real life, the two actors seem stiff and awkward when they’re around each other. These are two versions of the characters that don’t have the history the comics or the movies laid out for them after decades of publication and on screen appearances. This is supposed to be the first time they’ve met and they go from being bumbling partners to nearly leaving Gotham together after being shot at a few times and finding a dead girl in a trunk; it doesn’t make sense.

Matt Reeves was capable of taking The Batman into a different direction for both the Batman universe and superhero films alike. The action sequences are almost earned here as there’s much more down time while following a lead or doing research. You actually see that Bruce documents his inner monologues and his nightly outings as Batman in handwritten journals. There’s a ton of interesting concepts in The Batman that ultimately don’t pay off.

Paul Dano and Colin Farrell are extraordinary, but The Batman is a three hour slog through Gotham that culminates with an over exaggerated riddle that isn’t worth solving. Having Batman and Jim Gordon both speak in raspy, whispery grunts feels excessive as does Gordon’s insistence on calling Batman, “Chief,” every time that they’re together. The film deserves credit for prominently shining the spotlight on the underbelly of crime in Gotham, but the storytelling in The Batman is a lot like Bugs Bunny meaning to have taken that left turn at Albuquerque; a meandering foray down a dark rabbit hole that isn’t entirely necessary.
  
The Life of Pablo by Kanye West
The Life of Pablo by Kanye West
2016 | Hip-hop
8
6.3 (4 Ratings)
Album Rating
Kanye West is an iconic rapper from Chicago, Illinois. Not too long ago, he released his seventh studio album, entitled, “The Life of Pablo“.

ULTRA LIGHT BEAMS
The opening track functions as a Sunday-morning church revival, where Kanye is the ordained minister. He’s standing in the pulpit, preaching a time-sensitive sermon to his loyal congregation.

His message: God over Satan, keep the faith, pray for Paris, pray for parents, and we’re living God’s dream.

West sets the tone and declares where he stands on religious and socially-driven issues.

A Gospel choir emerges. The Dream and Kelly Price reinforce West’s message by singing verses of encouragement, leading to a heartfelt testimonial by Chance The Rapper.

While the collection plates are being filled with hopes of a better tomorrow, Kirk Franklin concludes the service by praying for everyone. He uplifts those who feel they are not good enough or have said, “I’m sorry,” too many times.

Father Stretch My Hands (Pt. 1)
A spiritual figure, Pastor T.L. Barrett, ushers in the second track with praises to The Most High. Future appears for a brief moment and Kid Cudi delivers a stunning chorus.

A liberated West returns to the pulpit and gives a brief, but somewhat explicit testimony of his past and present relationships to Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian.

Father Stretch My Hands (Pt. 2)
West continues his testimony and raps about his personal experiences. He speaks on the importance of returning his wife’s phone calls and not wanting to make the same mistakes his father made. Also, he mentions the passing of the mother in Hollywood, being broke, and the reason why he broke his jaw.

West’s words hit home, making room for another liberated soul to tell his story of triumph.

Desiigner, a newly-signed artist of G.O.O.D. Music, emerges from the underbelly of the ghetto. He raps about getting money illegally, drugs, and violence-familiarized by urban-street hustlers.

Though his grim subject matter contradicts the song’s hopeful message of liberation, it somehow adds mysticism or substance to Kanye’s brutally-honest testimony.

Desiigner, blessed with a futuristic flow, highlights a few things that West’s congregation needs to examine in order to be totally liberated.

FAMOUS
Whenever an important event occurs in an urban community, an after party is sure to follow. And a host of celebrities are always on standby to attend it. The Life of Pablo is no exception.

The fourth song features Rihanna and legendary-producer Swizz Beatz. Also, it contains timeless vocals from Sister Nancy and Nina Simone.

West, no longer in church clothes, stands out lyrically with witty, braggadocios lyrics.

Whether that statement is factual or not, it’s doesn’t really matter because West believes it is.

FEEDBACK
The fifth song serves as a transformational period, where West shows signs of the old Kanye.

West doesn’t need a psychiatrist to diagnose his problems. He does that himself by wearing them on his sleeves.

LOW LIGHTS
On the sixth track, West wrote via Twitter, “I put Low Lights on my album just thinking about all the moms driving their kids to school, then going to work.”

Listeners can now relate to the everyday struggle that mothers endure.

The song features an acapella sample from “So Alive” by Kings of Tomorrow.

The woman gives a grateful-testimony of God’s graciousness over a laid-back, simple piano groove. Her honesty is felt. Also, she sounds liberated because her Creator has accepted her for who she is.

HIGH LIGHTS
From lows to high, the seventh track is in direct correlation to “Low Lights”.

West and Young Thug put on their festive robes because it’s time to celebrate life. El Debarge and The Dream chime in, and West addresses a lingering issue.

But this is only the beginning. West finishes strong with more thought-provoking lyrics.

FREESTYLE 4
The eighth track features Desiigner. Again, when he and West are together, all hell breaks loose.

The once festive scene transforms into a grimy underworld filled with a prostitute that West is explicitly lusting after. The temptation makes it difficult for him to stand on his opening statement of Jesus over Satan. But the power of darkness is more powerful than West thinks. So, he subconsciously indulges in sexual misconduct.

I LOVE KANYE
On the ninth track, West realizes that he’s at war with himself. The old Kanye, known for chopping up soul records is fighting against the new Kanye that everyone hates. But Kanye wants to go back to being sweet again if that’s even possible. His multiple egos are fighting for control over the ‘real’ Kanye.

WAVE
West doesn’t stare in the mirror for too long. On the tenth track, redemption happens. Chris Brown, disguised as an angel, comes to West’s aid by providing much-needed light.

Miraculously, the sun emerges from the shade, a bird flies out its cage, and a nostalgic feeling is felt.

West realizes that nothing is impossible because waves don’t die and feelings don’t really go away.

FML (FOR MY LADY)
On the eleventh track, West realizes what’s really important to him and that’s his wife. Someone he won’t jeopardize for no other woman. Also, his children are all layers of his soul.

The Weeknd appears in the form of West’s conscience.

West remains focused and listeners can feel the positive aura of God surrounding him. He is determined to remain faithful to only Kim, no other woman.

REAL FRIENDS
West continues his introspective outlook and raps about trust issues that everyone can relate to. His honest, down-to-earth lyrics, mixed in with Ty Dolla $ign’s vocals, paints a vivid picture. Also, it forms a collectible souvenir that hangs nicely in listeners’ collective memories.

WOLVES
The thirteenth track provides a cooling effect with wild emotions and bizarre-sounds.
The setting, maybe an extraterritorial realm in West’s subconscious mind. Perhaps, it’s the Milky Way Galaxy or a dream-state of Saturn.

A time for relaxation, preparing listeners for a surprise guest.

SILVER SURFER INTERMISSION
The fourteenth track features a phone conversation between incarcerated Max B and French Montana. Also, Max voices his gratitude to West for showing him love.

30 HOURS
On the fifteenth track, West takes a trip down memory lane and raps about an ex-girlfriend that he used to drive 30-hours to see. He used to drive from Chicago to St. Louis, St. Louis to Chicago. He recalls the good times they shared. But unfortunately, her infidelity was the reason why they broke up.

NO PARTIES IN L.A.
The sixteenth track will go down in history as a legendary bar-fest between two elite emcees. Kendrick Lamar and West rap with dope punchlines and clever metaphors over a Madlib-produced track. Once again, West is flowing like the old Kanye that people love.

FACTS
The seventeenth track is a standout anthem where West brags that Yeezy just jumped over Jumpman. He’s in boss-mode, talking that big-money talk.

FADE
The final track features Post Malone and Ty Dollar $ign. The song has a reoccurring sample from Rare Earth, “Your love is fading/I feel it fade.”

The Eli Linnetz-directed video shows Teyana Taylor explicitly dancing.

CONCLUSION
Kanye West’s “The Life of Pablo” is a memorable hip-hop album with solid content and heavy replay value.

https://www.bongminesentertainment.com/kanye-west-life-pablo/
  
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Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Fantasy Ranch in Tabletop Games

Jun 12, 2019 (Updated Jun 12, 2019)  
Fantasy Ranch
Fantasy Ranch
2019 | American West, Animals
Little known fact: my family used to be involved with local harness racing and horse training. Not much actually rubbed off on me, personally, but I do remember going to the stables to visit with the horses, and I was even allowed to ride the stable goat since I wasn’t yet big enough to get on the horses. Ahh, memories. So when I heard that a game existed with a horse ranching theme, I just HAD to get it to the table. Is it a good game though? Let’s find out! (spoilers: IT’S EXCELLENT!)

DISCLAIMER: The game comes with three modes of difficulty AND an included children’s game that also can be played on three modes of difficulty. For this review we are concentrating only on adult mode two. We felt mode one was too introductory, but we did not want to go all in right away on mode three. -T

As with most board games, you are trying to amass trophies (VP) and the winner at the end of five rounds is the rancher with the most trophies. On your turn you can take one Limited (standard) Action and as many Free Actions as you would like. Limited Actions include: buy a horse, buy a location on your ranch board, or farm your ranch for goods. Free Actions include: sell a horse, move horses to/from your home area to/from a different area on your ranch board, or trade goods at a 2:1 ratio. Once every player has taken their turn, you enter a show using the horses you have collected.

Buying a horse requires different amounts of food (in carrots) that you gain from different actions (farming your ranch, selling a horse). Luckily, spending food is a one-time action and you don’t have to feed your horses every turn. A great improvement over other “feed your villagers” games, in my opinion – yeah, I said it. Buying a location on your ranch board/playmat requires “tack,” which is symbolized by boot tokens (as seen below). You can always get more food and tack by farming your ranch, and you receive six goods of any combination, but that’s a Limited Action and prevents you from doing the other actions.


Selling a horse is easy, yet the separation anxiety is real, as you simply discard the horse for the amount of food it costs to purchase. Moving horses is easy too – your Home area of your ranch/playmat can only hold so many horses, so you will need to move horses of certain types to unlocked (purchased) matching areas on your ranch. This is important, as you cannot keep buying red horses or you will certainly run out of room for them, even if you unlock the red area on your ranch board. Plus unlocking sections of your ranch provides you with trophies at game end. The last free action is trading goods, which you do at a 2:1 ratio. So trade in two food for a tack or vice versa.

At shows you use horses for their specific specialty skills plus a die roll. Each horse has specialty in one area, and some skill in other areas. The number associated with a skill icon indicates the starting skill “strength” that you will add to your die roll. You roll all three dice of your color, take the highest result from the roll, and add the skill strength of the horse skill. That’s your score for the show. The highest number is awarded 1st place and the rewards printed, and so on and so forth for the other placing horses. This could result in more food or tack, or even your choice of horses for free from the sales barn.

On the very last turn of the game you will compete in three shows (instead of the normal two shows at the end of each turn) and can only use World Class horses, or buy your way into the show with food. The show process is the same, but it is the final push to earn as many trophies as possible before game end. And that’s it!

Components: This game is FULL of components. It’s a pretty stocked and heavy box, but still only the size of a Ticket to Ride box. The playmats, game boards, and cardboard chits are all of really great quality. The cards are great quality as well with photos of real existing horses (as well as the photos of real existing ranches on the giant ranch cards that are essentially beautiful player reference cards and resource holders). The best components of the game are the super cute little horeeples (oh no, that can’t possibly be correct). Horse-meeples. They come in different colors to match the areas on your ranch that you need to unlock and move them into so you don’t overcrowd your Home area. Even though my copy came with a green horse who lost his front legs, we know that he competes hard and lives his best life. The art is really really great and, though busy on the board at times, the game looks really good on the table. No qualms with the components on this one at all.

Here’s what I really like about this one. It’s a euro through and through, but it’s a euro that is actually exciting, with a unique theme, and one that I genuinely cannot wait to play again. I want to try mode three as soon as I can, and I really want to introduce my son to the game as soon as he is able to handle it. I am finding it really really hard to think of a game that comes ready to play three ways for adults, has components included to play the game three ways with children, and is actually super fun. I can’t think of any. This game is truly in a class by itself.

I love that no matter how tactical you play or how strategic you want to make it, sometimes the dice love/hate you and it could make all the difference. As you can see in the scores, we all love it (with the exception of my cousin Tony who rated it a three because of the dice – WHICH is odd because it is his father that was the harness racing jockey of the family). This review would have been live a week ago, but immediately after playing last weekend Josh said he would like to bring it home to play with his family. His wife is from Kentucky, and they kinda like horses and horse racing there. Well, his wife and son also rated this game out of 6. His wife gave Fantasy Ranch a 15 and his son rated it a 16. As that completely throws off my rating scale I did not add them, but as you can see we at Purple Phoenix Games give this one a very boot-kickin’ 19 / 24. If only we hadn’t invited Tony over to destroy the scores… We highly recommend you check this winner out. Seriously, it’s great.


https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/06/04/fantasy-ranch-review/
  
Studies in Sorcery
Studies in Sorcery
2021 | Card Game, Science Fiction
We’re all nerds here, right? What was the best class the gang took in the Harry Potter series? Defense Against the Dark Arts of course! Learning spells to protect ones’ self (oneself? themselves??) from an onslaught of dark spells looked so fun in the movies. *DISCLAIMER: I have never read a Harry Potter book. I made it one chapter and couldn’t do it, but I have seen the movies several times.* In any case, what if you could learn the other side of these spells? The offensive ones? Well that would be cool right? What if you could get a full master’s degree in Dark Arts? Welcome to Studies in Sorcery.

Studies in Sorcery is a competitive card game that uses elements from other well-loved games and puts them with a wonderful theme and some very interesting card synergies. The game takes place over four school semesters (rounds) and each semester lasts four weeks (turns). Can you students complete your thesis using the research grants you are given, or will you fall flat to repeat the program again?

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this preview. These are preview copy components, and the final components may be different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, but to give our readers an idea of how the game plays. You are invited to back the game on Kickstarter launching October 6, 2020, order from your FLGS, or purchase through any retailers stocking it after it is fulfilled. -T


To setup, separate each deck of cards into like piles (Levels 100, 200, and 300 of the projects, graveyard cards, candles, vials) and shuffle them. Lay out the moon phase cards and semester tracker, placing the tracker tokens (skull erasers in the prototype) on the start of the cards to begin play. Set out the candles and vials in their own piles, as well as the point modifier tokens. Deal project cards according to the semester tracker in a 3×2 pattern under the moon phase and semester tracker cards like is shown in the photo below. Initially the graveyard pile will have three stacks of two cards each face-down next to the draw pile. Each player receives a research grant card, two thesis cards to choose one from, and two 100-level project cards from which the player will choose one. Give the first-player token (in this prototype it’s a cute LEGO skeleton) to the player who last attended school, and the game may begin!
Each player will be resolving actions, committing materials to their projects, and using completed project abilities each moon phase (turn). The actions one may take are: Dig, Buy, Cram, and Project Action. When a player uses the Dig action, they are searching for materials. A player can look at the items in the first pile of graveyard cards and take all the contents. If they do not like them, draw a card from the draw deck and place it on the first pile. Continue this for the next pile, and if unsatisfied the player may draw the top card from the draw pile OR either a candle or vial from the supply of stock cards.

Buy actions allow a player to use any unwanted materials or research grant monies to purchase additional candles, vials, or project cards from the middle of the table. To Cram, players may commit up to two materials from their hand to a project by placing the materials under the project cards. Project Actions allow players to use actions printed on any of their completed project cards. These can be very powerful.

Once each player has taken one of these actions, move the tracker token on the moon phase card to the next icon – Commit. To commit materials to projects, simply place the cards under the selected project (exactly like players do with the Cram action). Once all players have completed their commits, they may complete any projects that have sufficient materials by discarding the used materials and flipping the project card to its opposite side earning the printed points at the end of the game.


Play continues in this fashion for four turns each semester and the game lasts four semesters. Therefore the game will last 16 turns total. Whomever earns the most points for combinations of completed thesis cards, completed projects, bonus point modifier tokens, and one point for each $8 worth of materials in hand will be named Valedictorian of their class and winner of Studies in Sorcery!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, and I know some things will be different in the final version. However, what we were provided is a bunch of cards that have great art, are good quality, and are very easy to read and understand. The cute first player token will more than likely become a different component in the end, and the tracker tokens probably will be changed as well, but these are great bits to include in a game like this. The only negative I have about components is that I wish there was MORE color. Most of the cards are brown-heavy, and it’s completely fine, but I would love to have splashes of weird colors here and there. Overall, I am very pleased with the components in this game. Weird Giraffe Games always has great components in their prototypes AND final games.

It is probably no surprise that I love this game. The theme is wonderful, the wonky art is great, and it’s more thinky than one might imagine. The game play can be somewhat quick, or players can take excruciating amounts of time to think through their turns and chain together impressive actions. One thing remains constant – 16 turns to complete your thesis cards can be a huge undertaking. My first time playing I chose a thesis card worth 7 points (even though the rulebook advised me not to include those for the first play). I wasn’t even really that close to completing the thesis, but I may have with another two or three turns. But then again, that card is worth 7 points for a reason – it’s SUPPOSED to be difficult. My suggestion: take the rulebook’s advice and remove those thesis cards for the first play. Don’t try to be a hero.

Ahhhhhhh! I want to play it again right now just so I can attempt that thesis card again. But there are other thesis cards in the game. And other strategies to apply. And really, when you can’t wait to play a game, that’s a sign of a fantastic game for that specific gamer. Will this be a gem for everyone? I don’t know. It certainly works for me and my circle of gamers.

If you are a fan of the Harry Potter series (even though this is NOT a Harry Potter game) and need a thinky card game with that sort of fantasy classroom theme, or if your collection is begging for something new and quirky, or if you just love Weird Giraffe Games’ catalog and need every game they offer (I wouldn’t blame you), then you need to give Studies in Sorcery a look. Please consider backing it on Kickstarter launching October 6, 2020. I know my collection just got a lot cooler with this one.
  
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5 Minute Movie Guy (379 KP) rated A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014) in Movies

Jun 28, 2019 (Updated Jun 28, 2019)  
A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014)
A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014)
2014 | Action, Drama
4
6.4 (5 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Liam Neeson puts in a commanding performance and is a natural as a detective. (2 more)
The film has great visual flair and creates an effectively dark and moody atmosphere.
The solid supporting cast strengthen an otherwise dull and derivative film.
The heavy graphic content of rape, mutilation, and murder is extremely off-putting. (1 more)
There's not a single likeable character to be found in the whole movie.
A Walk Among the Tombstones is unsettling but never really all that compelling. It's a decent detective movie, but your enjoyment of it may depend on how well you can handle its grimy setting and extreme violence.
After watching A Walk Among the Tombstones, I literally felt like I was going to puke. This mystery-thriller, based on Lawrence Block’s popular novel, is a gross and grisly foray into the criminal underworld in search of sadistic kidnappers. Director Scott Frank paints a portrait of a dark and twisted 1990s New York City where women are disappearing, only to later show up chopped into pieces. The film is grim without remorse or reason, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll be eager for it to end so you can wash your hands of it entirely. It stars Liam Neeson as an unlicensed private detective named Matthew Scudder who leads an investigation to find the people responsible for these horrific murders. While it may appear from the trailers to be another entry in Neeson’s growing lineup of ass-kicking action-thrillers, it’s actually far from it. A Walk Among the Tombstones plays out more like a brooding, slow-paced horror film. If you’re expecting Taken, then you’re walking right into the wrong movie.

Neeson’s character Matt Scudder is a former alcoholic and an ex-cop turned personal private investigator who works in exchange for favors. Since he’s no longer affiliated with the police, he’s an appealing person to turn to for those who need help but want to keep the cops out of the picture. When a drug dealer’s wife is kidnapped and savagely murdered, he seeks out Scudder for help. What follows is in an investigation into the murder that links up to the murder of another drug dealer’s wife. With the killers still at large, Scudder is determined to catch them before they can strike again.

Being that Scudder is working with criminals to find even worse criminals, the characters in A Walk Among the Tombstones are quite despicable. In fact, I would argue there’s not a single likeable character in the whole film. Even our protagonist Scudder is a shady person with a corrupt past. It’s hard to care about anyone here except for the poor abducted women, and yet we never get to know any of them. They’re reduced to the point where it’s hard to see them as anything more than the killers’ unlucky victims who have no chance of surviving. We follow Scudder through this twisted investigation not because we care about him, but for their sake of these women, with the hope that our detective hero can put an end to these killers’ unspeakable crimes. The film’s dreadful cast of characters give an incredibly bleak and hopeless outlook on people as a whole.

Liam Neeson gives a suitable performance as Scudder, fitting into the role of a detective quite naturally. As usual, he has a great presence and commands your attention any time he’s on screen. In A Walk Among the Tombstones, he’s not nearly the unstoppable action-hero he has been in his other recent films, but he’s still an intimidating guy you’d be wise not to mess with. He does actually have a couple tense conversations with the killers over the phone that are reminiscent of the famous scene in Taken, but certainly not as memorable.

The killers in the movie happen to be far more appalling than interesting. We don’t ever get to know much about them or their motives. They’re sick, demented people that aren’t given much more depth than being bad for the sake of being bad. However, there’s no question that they’re believably haunting and deranged. Despite their limited screen time and lack of complexity, their actors put in truly unnerving performances.

The film is well-acted throughout, with a few especially notable performances from supporting characters. Olafur Darri Olafsson is terrific as the creepy cemetery groundskeeper, and Eric Nelsen does a commendable job as the drug addict younger brother of the drug dealer who sought Scudder’s help. There’s also Brian “Astro” Bradley as a homeless teenager named TJ that Scudder befriends, who volunteers himself to be his crime-solving partner. Astro at times lightens up the moody film with his charm, and while he’s truly the only character that offers any sense of hope in the film’s gritty world, I think his character largely feels out of place as an unnecessary inclusion.

Scott Frank effectively creates a dark and sullen atmosphere in his movie that is also visually striking. He turns New York’s underbelly into a stylishly gloomy city where its seedy citizens can run rampant. He demonstrates proficiency behind the camera, building eeriness and suspense. However, he goes too far with the film’s graphic sexual content, which includes rape, torture, and mutilation. While he never gives you a very clear look at these heinous acts, he puts you right there in the moment and lets the camera linger. It’s sadistic, cruel, and very disturbing to watch. In a bizarre directorial decision, he has the 12 steps to recovery from Alcoholics Anonymous narrated over the climax of the film. Considering Scudder regularly attends AA meetings to celebrate his sobriety, I can understand why it was included, but it just doesn’t work and ends up detracting from the film’s most heightened sequences. He also disappointingly finishes the movie on a bad note with a conclusion that is drawn out far too long and which contains a weak, conventional ending that is completely forgettable.

A Walk Among the Tombstones raises more questions than it answers, but in a movie this morbid, maybe it’s best not to know. While the movie excels at being unsettling, it’s never really all that compelling. Filled with plenty of bad dialogue and characters that are hard to relate to and care about, I was yearning for this one to end so I wouldn’t have to endure any more of its vileness. Even with all the disturbing content aside, I would argue that the film is still only average at best. While I’m sure there are plenty of people with a penchant for the macabre that will enjoy the film, I am certainly not one of them and I left the theater feeling completely disturbed by what I had just watched. A Walk Among the Tombstones is a decent detective movie, but your enjoyment of the film may depend on how well you can handle its grimy setting and extreme violence. One thing that I can assure you is that I personally don’t have the stomach for it.

(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 9.20.14.)
  
Mob Sitters
Mob Sitters
2019 | Bluff, Card Game, Humor, Mafia, Party Game
I feel like everyone at some point in their lives has been a babysitter. Either for younger (or maybe even older?) siblings, or for the entire neighborhood – it kind of seems like a rite of passage. I definitely had my share of babysitting gigs growing up, but none as exciting and high-energy as the one presented in Mob Sitters!

Disclaimer: This preview is based upon a preview copy of the game. The final components, rules, and gameplay may differ from those described in this review! -L

In Mob Sitters, you take on the role of a babysitter working for the mob. Just because crime pays the bills doesn’t mean these mobsters don’t have families! You’re no ordinary babysitter though, otherwise you wouldn’t be mixed up with the mob. You’ve got plans of your own – whether it’s stealing from your boss, ratting out your rivals to the cops, or actually just some innocent babysitting, there’s money to be made here!

Mob Sitters is played over six rounds in which you take turns playing cards (some hidden and some not), targeting or reacting to your opponents, and collecting that sweet sweet money. Let’s break it down. To start the game, each player receives a player mat and deck of cards for their chosen character. There will be 8 characters in the final game, but only 6 are present in the preview copy. The different characters do not have any special powers or abilities, they just have different artwork on their cards! Shuffle your decks, draw a hand of 6 cards, determine a starting player, and you’re ready to go.

Each player’s turn consists of 6 steps (Steps 1-3 are not applicable in round 1, and Steps 4-6 are not applicable in the final round). Step 1 is to earn money – any cards with a monetary value that are in your play area are moved to your Safe and will count towards end-game scoring. It is important to note that cards that earn you money (Steal and Job cards) must be played face-up into your play area. Step 2 is to reveal and resolve any Accusation cards in your play area that you want to. Accusation cards allow you to target an opponent’s Job/Steal card currently in play, in an attempt to discard it to their Cops/Boss piles, respectively, to count against that player in end-game scoring. The targeted player does not have to sit idly by and watch their money go down the drain, however. If the targeted player has a Reaction card face-down in their play area, they may reveal it to deflect the blame to yet another player! If you successfully deflect the blame, that money will not count against you, but will instead count against the next player blamed who is unable to react to and shift blame to someone else. To play a Reaction card, it must already be in your play area – you cannot play one directly from your hand! The next step, Step 3, is to discard any remaining face down cards in your play area. In Step 4, you choose 3 cards from your hand and play them into your play area. Job/Steal cards must be played face-up, but Accusation and Reaction cards can be played face-down. During Step 5, you resolve any face-up accusation cards you may have played in Step 4. The final step, Step 6, of your turn is to draw 3 cards, bringing your hand back up to 6 cards. Play then moves on to the next player, who then will perform their 6 steps, and so on. After 6 rounds, the game ends. Scoring varies depending on how many players there are, but ultimately the winner is the player with the most money in their safe!

I know that sounds like quite a lot going on, but believe me when I say the game plays pretty well (and pretty quickly) once you’ve gotten the hang of the turns. On paper, the sheer number of steps per turn seems excessive and like it would bog down the gameplay, but in actuality, the actions performed in each step are simple and fast. Perhaps if the number of steps were condensed from 6 down to maybe 3-4, the gameplay would seem a little less daunting. There is some slight ambiguity between the types of cards and into which stacks they go – the rules call cards Job and Steal cards, but the player mat refers to Boss and Cop cards. Fortunately the cards have symbols that correspond to the different stacks, so when in doubt, check the corner of the card!

Let’s talk components. This is first and foremost a card game, and the cards I received are of good quality! They shuffle well, and feel sturdy enough to withstand many plays. The art on the cards is pretty cute, the colors really pop, and there are some fun puns to be found on several Steal/Job cards. As for the player mats, this is only a preview copy of the game so I just printed them out (apologies for my lack of access to a color printer!), but their text is clear and helpful for remembering turn steps. The components may change throughout the Kickstarter campaign, but so far they’re off to a good start!

So how does it play? For the most part, Mob Sitters plays pretty quickly and is engaging for all players. There’s a good amount of strategy involved, as well as some luck and a whole lotta take that. All players receive identical decks of cards, which are then shuffled, so although you know what cards are available to your opponents, you never know what they currently have in their hand. You’ve got to be watchful of which cards your opponents play, to see if you can deduce which cards they have remaining. Are they taking the offensive approach and accusing everyone? Or are they being more subtle and taking a defensive stance, deflecting all accusations onto others? You have to decide when is the right time to play your cards to ensure that you aren’t targeted by too many opponents. Your strategy is ever-changing to adapt to the cards currently in your hand, and that’s what takes Mob Sitters to the next level for me.

Mob Sitters is a quick, easy, and fun game for any sized group. Hilarity ensues when accusations result in all players pointing fingers and trying to deflect blame. Although it can be played with 3, I think this game is better suited for 4+ players. With a smaller group, some of the aspects of ‘take that’ can feel personal and lead to tension between players. But a larger group can eliminate some of the animosity caused by always being targeted by the same person the entire game. Overall though, I enjoyed getting to play Mob Sitters! It has a unique theme and simple, yet strategic, gameplay that will keep all players on their toes. In my communications with the designer, I have learned that the retail version of the game will include “Hidden Agenda” cards to provide each player with a secret objective. There is also an expansion already in the works – The Heavy Mob Deck – that will add more cards and more complexity for experienced gamers!

If you enjoy games of hidden information, take that, and a little bit of bluffing, definitely check Mob Sitters out! It’s more than the standard party game, but still fits the categories of light, fast, and easy to learn games for all players. I look forward to following this upcoming campaign, and I definitely will be playing my copy again!
  
Spy Club
Spy Club
2018 | Card Game, Deduction, Murder & Mystery
You guys have heard of “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?” The globetrotting super-spy who is hard to pin down? Well imagine what she may have been like as a young person. I bet she had her own spy club. And now we have a game to play to emulate what it may have been like in such a club. **This game has nothing to do with Carmen Sandiego.


Spy Club is a cooperative memory and deduction card game utilizing an action point system and sharing of resources. It is set in any neighborhood where kids can gather in groups and snuff out a mystery. The goal is to whittle the clues down to the correct Motive, Suspect, Location, Crime, and Object of the Crime. Are you intrepid youths up to the task?
To setup, place the main board on the table, and the Escape Marker upon it at the bottom of the track. Shuffle the Movement Deck cards separately by backs, remove one from each differently-backed set, and place them in day – sunset – night order in its space. Each player receives a play board according to the number of players and a spyglass in their favorite color to go upon their play board. The Idea markers can be in a rough pile near everything else. The Clue Deck is to be shuffled and placed face-down (or face-up, whichever you prefer; they are double-sided) and each player is dealt a number of Clues equal to the number of spaces on their play boards. Clues will also be dealt to an “Incoming Clues” area (an offer row or “market”). DO NOT LOOK AT THE BACKS OF THE CARDS. Like, EVER. Unless you use an action to do so. The Suspecteeple will be placed on the right-most Clue Card of the starting player’s board. The game of sleuthing may now begin!

A player’s turn will consist of three main steps with different phases in those steps. Step 1 is Use Actions. Players will be able to use three Actions on their turn. These Actions are: Investigate, Shift Focus, Confirm, and Scout. To Investigate the active player will flip a Clue Card from their collection to its back. They may then continue flipping their cards or stop at any time. To Shift Focus a player will simply move their spyglass to a different Clue and collect Ideas equal to the number of Clues whose aspects match the newly-focused one (two Ideas if moving to a Location and a player has two Location Clues). Skipping Confirm, to Scout simply means purchasing a card from the Incoming Clues area to a player’s board, with a discard of an existing card already there.


Confirming is where the main action in Spy Club lies. Players will be attempting to Confirm five Clues of matching aspect (Location, Motive, etc) in order to hone in on the correct aspect. To Confirm, a player can submit a Clue from their collection (hand) to the main board. The cost, in Ideas, depends on where the spyglass lies. If the spyglass is directly under the Clue to be submitted the cost is nothing. However, if a player wishes to complete three Confirm actions and they have matching Clues on either side of their spyglass, they would need to spend two Ideas for each Clue resting one space away from the spyglass.
There are also rules for taking “Teamwork Bonus Actions,” but I will let you discover those on your own.

After these Actions are carried out, Step 2 is Refill. Firstly the active player’s hand will need to be refilled from the Incoming Clues row, and more Incoming Clues come out to fill that row.

Step 3 is Move the Suspect. Drawing from the Movement Deck the active player will match up the Movement cards from the previous round and the current round to find out how many spaces the Suspecteeple will be moving through players’ cards. Depending upon which aspect Clue the Suspecteeple lands a negative action will be levied against the players. In some ways the Suspect could land on cards that trigger no negative action, but I will leave that for you to discover as well. I am a bit… distracted.


Play continues in this fashion of players Using Actions, Refilling the Clue cards, and Moving the Suspect until players win by solving all five aspects of the crime, the Suspect escapes, the players run out of Idea markers, the Suspect escapes due to running out of Movement cards, or there are insufficient Incoming Clues to refill a player’s hand. So there are four ways to lose and one way to win.
Components. I find the components in Spy Club to be good overall. Nothing really stands out as amazing, either in design or quality. The art is very good, though. One thing I will say about the components as a whole is that once the game is setup and in play it looks fascinating on the table. I love the way it looks and certainly assists with full immersion. Always a plus in my book.

There are so many things I love about this game. And there are so many things I didn’t even explain here! Ok I’ll tell you one. Spy Club can be played as a one-shot game night medium-length (60 minutes) game, or can be converted into a campaign game where players will play five connected scenarios using a giant stack of cards that are not in use for the one-shots. That is simply fabulous! I can play one game of this to get people hooked, then reel them in by offering to continue this as a campaign to see what the main story arc is really trying to tell us. Oh man, that’s just special and I love it!

I feel like I have been playing a lot of really great games lately, and Spy Club is certainly a GREAT game. In fact, I told the rest of the team that this one is a contender for my Top 10 Games of All Time list. It has everything I love in a game: it is difficult (my first game I would have lost had it lasted one more turn) without being too heavy, it is inviting me to play more games (especially with the campaign mode active), I just like looking at it on the table, and creates a stunning amount of tension as we race against the game clock to figure out the crime aspects.

I have had this in my collection for too long without it being played, and I am so sorry that it took me so long to get into it. I will certainly be playing this a LOT more, and introducing as many people to it as I can. I think in the gaming world it is flying under the radar, but I will be one of its champions and suggest it as much as possible. If you like certain aspects (hehe) of Clue, 13 Dead End Drive, Carmen Sandiego, and even Jaipur, then take a look at Spy Club. Purple Phoenix Games gives this a super-sleuth 11 / 12. I actually might go play it right now. Yes, at 11:07pm.
  
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Astra (2019)
2019 | Adventure, Drama, Mystery
Impressive visuals, but rather disappointing as an overall package.
Like father, like son?
I really love sci-fi films with high ambitions. “Psychological” sci-fi like “Solaris” for example. And “Arrival” topped my movie list for 2016. In similar vein, “Ad Astra” is also a movie concerning attempted contact with alien life. So I had high hopes for it. But would this Sci-fi epic ultimately challenge my brain again, or end up in the “Crystal Skull” sin bin with a dodgy alien meeting?

The Plot
Set a few years into the future, Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) is the son of a legend. H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) was a space exploration pioneer. His picture hangs in the NASA hall of fame next to Buzz Aldrin’s. McBride senior went missing presumed dead near Neptune during a mission. The mission was to get outside the Sun’s heliosphere to scan for potential alien transmissions from nearby solar systems.

But something went badly wrong, and now the earth (and potentially all human life migrating into the solar system) is at risk from massive electromagnetic bursts arising from Neptune. Is Clifford alive and involved in the emerging crisis? The authorities send Roy on a secret mission to Mars to try to communicate with his father.

Majestic cinematography
Let’s start with a real positive. The cinematography here is first rate. Hoyte Van-Hoytema – well known for “Interstellar“, “Spectre” and “Dunkirk” – knocks this out of the park. In the same manner as “Blade Runner 2049“, many of the frames of this film could be blown up and placed on art gallery walls around the world.

Add to that some cracking film editing from John Axelrad and Lee Haugen, and some beautiful sound design and I predict the movie should feature strongly in the technical awards at the Oscars.

But “science fiction” has the word “science” in it….
I’d like to park my physics brain sometimes when I go to the movies, but I just can’t. So I really need sci-fi films to live up to the science part of their name. There are a number of areas, particularly at the back end of the film, when credibility goes out the window.

I can’t really say more here without giving spoilers, so I will leave them to a “Spoiler section” below the trailer…. don’t read this if you haven’t seen the film!

What IS this movie trying to be?
In my view the film is pretty schizophrenic in nature. This is what confused me about the trailer, jumping from a cerebral sci-fi vibe to moon buggy shoot-outs.

On one hand, its the standard (but always interesting) tale of a child abandoned by a hero-father and his attempts to reconcile what that’s done to his life and relationships. How can he ever square that circle without contacting his dad? As the film’s tag-line goes “The answers we seek are just outside our reach”.

On the other there are episodes of action that would fit happily into an action scene from Star Trek.

The two elements never really gel, leading to the feeling of the film having been written as a set of disconnected pages and the writers then saying “Hey, Jimmy, once you’ve finished making us the tea, could you just write a few lines to join those pages up into a shooting script?”. Then later, “What do you mean Jimmy you used BOTH piles of paper?!”.

The greatest sin of all
Unfortunately, the film commits a cardinal sin in my book. Those of you who follow my blog regularly might know what I’m going to say….

Voiceovers! I BLOODY HATE THEM!! It’s at the very extreme of what the great Mark Kermode calls “show don’t tell”.

Here, we don’t just have a little Brad Pitt set-up intro and he then shuts up. He just drones on and on and on with his inner thoughts. At least Matt Damon in “The Martian” got away with it by cleverly filming his video blog. And it’s not as if there isn’t a prime opportunity to use that device here! He is constantly having to talk to a computer to do his regular psychological tests! But that option is not picked up.

BIG BLACK MARK!

But the film has its moments
Bubbling under all of this are some stand-out moments where, for me, the film soared. One of them (ultimately setting me up for as much of a disappointing fall as some of the characters!) is the stunning opening shots aboard the “Sky Antenna” structure. Impressive and exciting, with falling bits of metal playing Russian Roulette with Roy’s iife.

Another strength for me is Brad Pitt. I’ve seen wildly differing views on this, but for me its a quiet but strong acting performance. There are many scenes when he has no lines, his inner (and our outer) voice gives it a miss, and he acts the socks off his peers. What with “Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood” its been a really good year for Pitt. I suspect “Hollywood” might be the one though that gets him his fourth acting Oscar nomination.

For a 2019 film, it’s actually a very male-heavy film, made more so by Pitt’s love-interest (Liv Tyler) being given virtually nothing to do other that look a bit sulky from a distance. I’m not even sure she gets a single line in the whole film! (“Miss Tyler – please sign for your script”. “But, there’s nothing in the envelope?”. “Quite Miss Tyler, Quite”).

The only decent female role goes to Ruth Negga as the Mars colony leader. Even then, she only has limited screen time and although having the title “Mars CEO” really doesn’t seem to have much power.

Elsewhere, its great to see both Tommy Lee Jones and Donald Sutherland back on the big screen again.

Final Thoughts
As any veteran RAF person will know, “Ad Astra” is Latin for “To the stars”. In space terms this is less “to the stars” and more “just beyond your front door”.

James Gray‘s film undoubtedly has high ambitions but, through its spasmodic script, never really gets there. It has the beauty of “Gravity” but none of the refinement; there’s an essence of “Space Odyssey” in places, but it never goes for the mystical angle; it has the potential to reflect the near-insanity through loneliness of “Silent Running” but never commits fully to that storyline. But if its novelty you’re looking for, it ticks the “floating monkeys in space” box!

I think it’s worth seeing on the big screen just for its visual beauty and Pitt’s performance. And as a major block-buster sci-fi film I enjoyed it to a degree. But for me it had just so many irritations that it failed to live up to my high expectations. A great shame and a frustrating disappointment.

But at least it’s great news for Richard Branson and Virgin Atlantic shareholders. They can be assured that the future is bright for their “long distance” flights in the future!
  
 If Beale Street Could Talk (2018)
If Beale Street Could Talk (2018)
2018 | Crime, Drama, Romance
Love and Rage against the machine.
The baby asked,
‘Is there not one righteous among them?”
― James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk

Beale Street refers to the jumpin’ heart of Memphis where Louis Armstrong was born. As explained in text from Baldwin’s source book (requiring a speed read!) it’s used as a metaphor for the birthplace of every black person in America. (“Every black person in America was born on Beale Street“). But the story is set in Harlem, New York, and with this intellectual stretch, before I even get past the title, I am immediately reaching for the “P-word”, of which more later.

The Plot
Tish (KiKi Layne) is 19 and in love with her lifelong friend ‘Fonny’ (Stephan James). So much in love in fact (and so careless) that Tish is now pregnant with his child. Tish must break this news to both families herself, since Fonny is inside awaiting trial for a vicious rape that he claims he didn’t commit. Tish and their joint families are trying to help, but can Fonny be released in time to see the birth of his child? Or are the institutions so set against him that release is impossible and death row might await?

Interwoven with Love and Anger
At its heart, this film portrays a truly beautiful love story. Tish and Fonny (both adorably played by the young leads) are friends becoming more than friends. We see their emerging love through flashback scenes. Some of these, particularly one on a metro train, are exquisitely done; long gazes into eyes, starting as one thing and ending as another.

In another scene, Fonny takes Tish’s virginity, and it’s done with style, taste and finesse. For younger teens this should be compulsory viewing as an antidote to all the horrible porn they are seeing on the internet: THIS is what sex, based on a foundation of true love, is all about. (The film is UK15 rated for “infrequent very strong language, strong sex” – I actually agree with the rating for the language (and actually I think an act of marital violence should also have also been referenced)…. but not for the sex, which should be 12A).

It’s a love story then? Well, yes, but offset against that, it’s a very angry film, seething with rage about how the police force and the justice system is set ‘against the black man’. Director Barry Jenkins (of – eventual – Oscar winner “Moonlight” fame) has a message to impart and he is intent on imparting it.

A great ensemble performance
The film didn’t get a SAG nomination for the ensemble cast, but it almost feels that they missed out here. As well as the two young leads being spectacular, the whole of the rest of the cast really gel well together, particularly the respective parents: Colman Domingo (“Selma“) as Tish’s father Joseph; Regina King as Tish’s mother Sharon; Michael Beach (“Patriots Day“) as Fonny’s father Frank and Aunjanue Ellis as his bible-bashing mother. A dramatic scene where they all collectively hear the news about the pregnancy is both comical and shocking in equal measure.

Poor sound mixing
If this film gets an Oscar nomination for sound, I’ll frankly be cross! There is significant use of sonorous, bass-heavy music and effects (including a lovely cello theme by Nicholas Britell) – all very effective; there is a lot of earnest and quietly spoken dialogue between the characters – also moody and effective. Unfortunately the two are mixed together in some scenes and frankly I couldn’t make out what was being said. Most frustrating.

In addition, there is voiceover narration from Tish (if you follow my blog regularly you KNOW what I think about that!). Actually, this isn’t as overly intrusive as in films like “The Hate U Give“, but it sounds like it was recorded in a dustbin! It’s a bit like that effect you get with headphones where the plug isn’t quite in the socket, and everything sounds way off and tinny. When combined with Layne’s accent the effect, again, made the dialogue difficult to comprehend.

The c-word and the n-word
There’s a degree of bad language in the film, albeit mild in comparison to “The Favourite“! Tish’s sister (Teyonah Parris) uses the c-word in one very funny dissing of Fonny’s ‘up-themselves’ sisters (Ebony Obsidian and Dominique Thorne). But the n-word is used repeatedly during the film, and that I can never get used to. I ‘get it’ (in the sense that I understand the perception) that this is a word that ‘only black people can use between themselves’. But this just feels elitist and wrong to me. At a time when Viggo Mortensen gets crucified for using it once (while being descriptive and in-context) during a press junket for “Green Book“, I just feel that if a word is taboo it should be taboo, period.

The p-word
My p-word here is “pretentious”. Barry Jenkins clearly feels he has something to prove after the success of “Moonlight“, and there are certainly moments of directorial brilliance in the film. As previously mentioned, the sex scene is one of the best I’ve seen in a long while. Also beautifully done are a birthing scene and two confrontational scenes in Puerto Rico. But there are also moments that seem to be staged, artificial and too ‘arty’ for their own good. Any hidden meaning behind them completely passed me by. (Examples are Sharon’s wig scene and a pan around Fonny’s wood sculpture). It all seems to be “trying too hard”.

Hate for the police is also writ large on the film, with every discriminatory police officer in the whole of the US embodied in the wicked sneering face of the police office Bell (Ed Skrein).

A platform that should be used for more than ranting
This is a film written and directed by an American black man (Jenkins) and largely fully cast with American black people. And I’m a white Englishman commenting on it. I’m clearly unqualified to pass judgement on how black America really feels about things! But comment I will from this fug of ignorance.

It feels to me that the “Black Lives Movement” has given, at long last, black film-makers like Jenkins a platform in cinema to present from. This is a great thing. But I’m sensing that at the moment the tone of the output from that platform (such as this film) seems to me heavily tinged with anger: a scream of frustration about the system and racial injustice over the years. It’s the film-makers right to make films about subjects dear to them. And I’m sure this summer we’ll sadly again see atrocities as previously seen in the likes of Ferguson and Dallas, fuelling the fire of hate. But I would personally really like to see someone like Jenkins use his undoubted talents to make a more uplifting film: a film reflecting the more positive strives that are happening in society, allowing for people of all races and all sexual orientations to make their way in business (not drug-running or crime!) and/or life in general. Those good news stories – the positive side of race relations – are out there and my view is that someone like Barry Jenkins should be telling them.

Final thoughts
I wasn’t as much of a fan of “Moonlight” as the Academy, and this film also left me conflicted. The film is well-made and the cast is very engaging. It also has a love story at its heart that is moody but well-done. Overall though the movie felt over-engineered and a little pretentious, and that knocked it down a few pegs for me.
  
<b><i>"What a stupid book."</i></b>

That was my initial thought after turning the final page of <b>Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later</b>.

As a pre-teen, I was addicted to the <u>Sweet Valley High</u> series, and then later, the <u>Sweet Valley University</u> series as well. Before that even, I had read some of the Twins and Kids series, so when I heard this was coming out last year, I just knew I had to read it. I was excited beyond compare and went into full geek-out mode. Where are the perfect size-six Wakefield twins, and their friends and enemies, now? What are their occupations? Who are they dating or who'd they marry? And my questions kept going on and on. What has inspired this obsession? It's not like these books were high literature, but somehow they became ingrained into my life to this very day and I cannot help but remember SVH fondly.

It is nearly impossible to review the story within the covers without spoilers, but I am going to try my darnedest. Some cursing may or may not be involved.

<b>Short synopsis</b> (snarky comments in parentheses ;P):
Jessica has betrayed Elizabeth. <i>(Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she did. Anyone who's read the books could make an accurate guess.)</i> The Ultimate Betrayal. <i>(Oooooh!)</i> Elizabeth flees to New York. Elizabeth is a slightly sympathetic bitter victim/martyr who craves revenge throughout the book. Jessica is supposed to be a sympathetic betrayer/victim who's heartsick at destroying her sister. <i>(I don't buy it.)</i> Tons of reminiscing flashbacks ensue throughout the book, sometimes the same ones told by different characters, and take up about half of it, so there's barely any plot. Book ends with a thirteen-page <i>Where Are They Now?</i>-type epilogue that tells old fans what has happened to many major supporting characters from the original high school series. <i>(Apparently no one is allowed to be happy. And anyone you may have originally liked from SVH has turned into a big dick. WTF?)</i>

I expected to enjoy this as the usual over-the-top, soap opera stories I remember, but revamped a bit. Sadly, I was left feeling underwhelmed, disappointed, annoyed, and rather pissed off. For one thing, I could not buy the main betrayal -- <spoiler>Jessica and Todd?! In love!!?? Really? In what surreal dimension does that make any kind of sense? This broke the book for me. How can I believe anything else if this doesn't ring true. A passionate affair, sure. A one-night stand, why not? But actual 'til death do us part nonsense? Bull. Not when it's almost always been the Elizabeth and Todd, "made-for-each-other" type of thing. I actually wouldn't have minded if E & T hadn't ended up together, but for Todd to be with Jessica, that's just madness, plain and simple.</spoiler> -- it was just so unbelievable. And I mean that in a Sweet Valley way, which we all know is not steeped in any form of actual reality, so my standards are quite low and I expect the extraordinary and overwrought. So from this point on, which is within the first two chapters, I struggled, but somehow managed to read on. I admit, I gagged more than few times throughout the book. Who wouldn't when faced with passages such as this one,
<blockquote>"And what faces they were.

Gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. The kind you couldn't stop looking at. Their eyes were shades of aqua that danced in the light like shards of precious stones, oval and fringed with thick, light brown lashes long enough to cast a shadow on their cheeks. Their silky blond hair, the cascading kind, fell just below their shoulders. And to complete the perfection, their rosy lips looked as if they were penciled on. There wasn't a thing wrong with their figures, either. It was if billions of possibilities all fell together perfectly.

Twice."
-page 9/10</blockquote>
I hope you managed to hold onto your last meal. I barely did. I also had to endure "his beloved," "his love," and other similar nauseating descriptions.

This is not the PG-rated books from the past, the word "orgasm" is actually used. So is the F-bomb and other expletives. *gasp* Seriously, it does push the boundaries more than the innocent SVH series, but it's not very shocking by today's standards. Except that it does involve the Wakefield Twins, which was strange at first. Of course, current trends had to pop up, like Twitter and Facebook, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce, which always makes a book better and doesn't date it in the least. (That was heavy sarcasm in case you weren't sure.) The book does refer to some incidents and people from the SVU series, but only certain elements, otherwise it's mainly a continuation of high school and no one from the university days actually appears in the book.

Neither Elizabeth nor Jessica felt true to form, especially Jessica, and in fact, none of the characters, whether seen or just talked about, were right. Sure, some people change and some don't, but not a one was recognizable. Where did these strangers with the same names come from? Why couldn't there have been some semblance of the original shining through? Again, I have a hard time with the basis of the book, so that has severely colored my view of the entire thing, but as it stands, it was a complete waste of a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that any fan of SVH could come up with something a million times better than this dreck. Wasn't there an original ghostwriter available? You know, someone who might actually know the world and characters, and have the skill to develop them both in a believable manner?

The writing is rather clunky and purple-ly, often managing both at the same time. Redundancy abounds, editing mistakes, including wrong names and inconsistencies to previous events in SVH-iverse, and lots of use of the words "like" and "so", more-so in Jessica's narrative than anywhere else, which was really, really, so, like, irritating. Like, really. Ms. Pascal must have had a thesaurus at the ready, because there were big words awkwardly thrown into the narrative. While I appreciate authors utilizing lesser known or used words, some just don't blend well with the rest of the text and they pop-out unflatteringly. The structure needed fine-tuning and tenses were oddly used to differentiate the flashbacks from present day.

To put it succinctly, the writing isn't great and neither is the storyline, what there is of it. This was a bizarre read even by Sweet Valley standards and an insult to fans. Seriously, does Francine Pascal hate this universe and its readers? I think I'll stick to the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/series/58723-sweet-valley-high">Sweet Valley High</a> series and make up my own stories about what happened afterward.

Slightly spoiler-ish lesson learned from this book:
<spoiler>Betrayal is okay as long as it's "Twu Luv."</spoiler>

Second lesson learned:
Everything always turns up fucking sunshine and roses and unicorns and lollipops for the worst person (or people) in the end.

I'd like to leave you with another winning description,
<blockquote>"There were no tears, but her mouth was twisted in a silent sob."
-page 17</blockquote>

<u>A thought a few hours after having finished this book:</u>
Maybe another "sequel" will eventually come out and it'll begin with Elizabeth waking up from the nightmare that is this book and we'll get the real ten years later story. Ahh, sweet dreams.

<u>Update: April 26, 2011:</u>
Oh yes, always good to blame the fans/readers for not liking their terrible book. By pointing out minor, petty reasons, I might add. <b>Warning:</b> book spoilers in article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/business/media/17sweet.html?_r=1