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5 Minute Movie Guy (379 KP) rated A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) in Movies
Jun 26, 2019
Neil Patrick Harris is delightfully devious. (1 more)
MacFarlane shows he has potential in his on-screen acting debut.
The humor is at times very vulgar and immature. (2 more)
The film is slow-paced and overly long.
"A Dozen Ways to Die in the West" would have been a more appropriate title.
A Million Ways to Die in the West is good for a few laughs but it feels like it goes on unreasonably long. Still, if you're a fan of MacFarlane's other works, you'll most likely enjoy his parody of the Old West.
Following the success of his directorial debut, Ted, Seth MacFarlane steps in front of the movie camera for the first time in his new film, A Million Ways to Die in the West. MacFarlane is best known as the creator of the popular animated television series, Family Guy, and he was also the host of the Oscars just two years ago. Now he’s taking the starring role in a film he wrote and directed himself. Here MacFarlane plays a cowardly sheep farmer named Albert who is miserably living in the dangerous Old West. Or rather, the not-so-dangerous Old West. Despite what the title suggests, there’s not a whole lot of dying going on in A Million Ways to Die in the West. You won’t find a whole lot of substance either, but there are a fair amount of laughs if you’re able to tolerate the crude toilet humor and dirty jokes. All in all, MacFarlane does a decent job in this comedy, but his jokes stick too close to his own conventions, and much like life on the frontier, the film can be kind of a drag.
If you’ve ever seen Family Guy, you should feel right at home with the humor in this film. It’s crass, edgy, violent, and full of pop culture references. Although, given that this is an R-rated movie, MacFarlane’s able to push the limits further than usual, and he makes sure to do that by including a lot of raunchy humor and toilet-gags. Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, male genitals are still the hottest thing in comedy right now. As you’ve no doubt deduced, this is certainly not a film you’d want to take your kids to see. Nor is it for the easily-offended. Though in the film’s defense, it’s not entirely tasteless, and its use of vulgarity isn’t overly frequent. There’s plenty of great slapstick physical comedy and some pretty hilarious dialogue. I laughed more than I thought I would, and was never so disgusted that I wanted to walk out. It’s an entertaining film, it just happens to run a little long and lose momentum down the stretch. Plus the main premise of the film is never all that compelling to begin with.
In A Million Ways to Die in the West, MacFarlane’s character Albert is a man entirely self-aware of the time and place he’s living in, as well as the many dangers that come with it. He sheepishly lives his life, terrified by the threat of death that lurks around every corner. When his beloved girlfriend leaves him for a man with a mighty mustache, Albert has to cowboy up to prove his machismo and try to win her back. Luckily for him, he meets a gun-toting woman named Anna who’s happy to help him face his fears and show him the ropes of being a cowboy. Unfortunately however, this new friendship ends up putting Albert right into the crosshairs of Clinch Leatherwood, the deadliest outlaw around.
While MacFarlane does a respectable job in his first foray into acting, his character feels rather uninspired. I couldn’t help but see him as a hodgepodge of various Family Guy characters, having the clumsiness of Peter Griffin, the self-consciousness of Chris Griffin, and the intelligence and charm of Brian. Given that he created that show, perhaps that should be expected, but it just felt like Albert was lacking a unique and consistent identity. He’s a character who can be charming and funny, but he also comes off seeming like a jerk. All in all, the film has a good cast of actors, with Neil Patrick Harris being the stand-out of the bunch. He plays the pompous, mustached snob, Foy, who steals the heart of Albert’s girlfriend, Louise. Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman are likable as the flawed, clueless couple who serve as Albert’s close friends, Edward and Ruth. Although their characters stay pretty comfortably within the realm of what you would expect from their respective actors, with Edward being the naïve nice guy, while Silverman’s Ruth is the seemingly-sweet-and-innocent, foul-mouthed hussy. Charlize Theron does a fine job as Albert’s mentor, Anna. She has a strong presence in the film and is fun to watch, but despite her best efforts, the emotional element she brings to the story ends up feeling forced and unconvincing. Though that’s no fault of her own. It’s just hard to imagine her, or anyone, falling head over heels so easily and suddenly for a guy like Albert. Then, of course, there’s Liam Neeson, who is effective in his performance as the intimidating villain, Clinch, but would have benefitted from more screen-time.
A Million Ways to Die in the West proficiently parodies the western film genre, capturing the right atmosphere for the setting and time period. Visually it’s a pleasant film to look at, with good camera-work, well-created sets, and lots of beautiful scenery. This makes it all the more disappointing then that the filmmakers decided to place a visual filter over the entirety of the film to give it a more old-fashioned look. As a result, there is a constant flickering throughout the whole movie, and while not quite seizure-inducing, it certainly is distracting. At times you kind of get used to it and forget about it, but it really stands out in scenes with heavy lighting and most of the movie takes place in broad daylight. On the audio side of things, the music is appropriately fitting, but little of it is particularly noteworthy. There is a great song about mustaches, accompanied with a well-orchestrated dance number led by Neil Patrick Harris in what is undoubtedly one of the highlights of the film. Additionally the film’s theme song is appropriately fun. The visual effects in the movie, although limited, are done quite well and nicely add to the film’s comedic effect. Although I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say the movie could have done just fine without all of the animated urinating sheep.
I think the film’s greatest flaw is the fact that it’s doing too much as it tries to incorporate all of the main stereotypes of the western genre. It has duels, bar brawls, jailbreaks, horse chases, and even capture by Indians thrown in for good measure. In trying to cover all of the bases, the movie ends up running too long and becomes a little boring and tired. Rather than building up to a climax, the film diverges with some unnecessary scenes, and then concludes with a lackluster ending. It would have been cool to see Clinch and his group of bandits lay siege to the main town, which could have given the filmmakers an opportunity to create a wide variety of deaths, and allow Albert to exercise his newly developed skills before setting up to an ultimate final showdown. Maybe that would be adding to the long list of clichés, but at least it would have given this slow-paced film some much needed adrenaline and would have made it more true to its misleading title. There are also several cameo appearances in the film, and while a couple of them are great conceptually, I don’t think any of them are quite as satisfying as they should be. They end up feeling out of place, like last-second additions that have no purpose other than to acknowledge other films. I can appreciate the attempt but the cameos aren’t particularly funny and they just seems to emphasize how much better those other films are.
Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West is good for a few laughs, but just like his character Albert’s long-winded ramblings, it feels like it goes on unreasonably long. It’s still an entertaining film regardless, and if you’re a fan of MacFarlane’s other work, you’ll most likely enjoy his parody of the Old West. The movie has a talented cast, some truly great scenes such as a bar brawl and a memorable dance, as well as plenty of good old-fashioned slapstick, and witty dialogue. If you can handle the occasional gross-out gag, you’ll probably have a good time. Just don’t expect to actually see the many ways people can die In the Old West. The movie doesn’t show many deaths at all, and all the best ones you likely already saw in the trailer.
(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 6.3.14.)
If you’ve ever seen Family Guy, you should feel right at home with the humor in this film. It’s crass, edgy, violent, and full of pop culture references. Although, given that this is an R-rated movie, MacFarlane’s able to push the limits further than usual, and he makes sure to do that by including a lot of raunchy humor and toilet-gags. Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, male genitals are still the hottest thing in comedy right now. As you’ve no doubt deduced, this is certainly not a film you’d want to take your kids to see. Nor is it for the easily-offended. Though in the film’s defense, it’s not entirely tasteless, and its use of vulgarity isn’t overly frequent. There’s plenty of great slapstick physical comedy and some pretty hilarious dialogue. I laughed more than I thought I would, and was never so disgusted that I wanted to walk out. It’s an entertaining film, it just happens to run a little long and lose momentum down the stretch. Plus the main premise of the film is never all that compelling to begin with.
In A Million Ways to Die in the West, MacFarlane’s character Albert is a man entirely self-aware of the time and place he’s living in, as well as the many dangers that come with it. He sheepishly lives his life, terrified by the threat of death that lurks around every corner. When his beloved girlfriend leaves him for a man with a mighty mustache, Albert has to cowboy up to prove his machismo and try to win her back. Luckily for him, he meets a gun-toting woman named Anna who’s happy to help him face his fears and show him the ropes of being a cowboy. Unfortunately however, this new friendship ends up putting Albert right into the crosshairs of Clinch Leatherwood, the deadliest outlaw around.
While MacFarlane does a respectable job in his first foray into acting, his character feels rather uninspired. I couldn’t help but see him as a hodgepodge of various Family Guy characters, having the clumsiness of Peter Griffin, the self-consciousness of Chris Griffin, and the intelligence and charm of Brian. Given that he created that show, perhaps that should be expected, but it just felt like Albert was lacking a unique and consistent identity. He’s a character who can be charming and funny, but he also comes off seeming like a jerk. All in all, the film has a good cast of actors, with Neil Patrick Harris being the stand-out of the bunch. He plays the pompous, mustached snob, Foy, who steals the heart of Albert’s girlfriend, Louise. Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman are likable as the flawed, clueless couple who serve as Albert’s close friends, Edward and Ruth. Although their characters stay pretty comfortably within the realm of what you would expect from their respective actors, with Edward being the naïve nice guy, while Silverman’s Ruth is the seemingly-sweet-and-innocent, foul-mouthed hussy. Charlize Theron does a fine job as Albert’s mentor, Anna. She has a strong presence in the film and is fun to watch, but despite her best efforts, the emotional element she brings to the story ends up feeling forced and unconvincing. Though that’s no fault of her own. It’s just hard to imagine her, or anyone, falling head over heels so easily and suddenly for a guy like Albert. Then, of course, there’s Liam Neeson, who is effective in his performance as the intimidating villain, Clinch, but would have benefitted from more screen-time.
A Million Ways to Die in the West proficiently parodies the western film genre, capturing the right atmosphere for the setting and time period. Visually it’s a pleasant film to look at, with good camera-work, well-created sets, and lots of beautiful scenery. This makes it all the more disappointing then that the filmmakers decided to place a visual filter over the entirety of the film to give it a more old-fashioned look. As a result, there is a constant flickering throughout the whole movie, and while not quite seizure-inducing, it certainly is distracting. At times you kind of get used to it and forget about it, but it really stands out in scenes with heavy lighting and most of the movie takes place in broad daylight. On the audio side of things, the music is appropriately fitting, but little of it is particularly noteworthy. There is a great song about mustaches, accompanied with a well-orchestrated dance number led by Neil Patrick Harris in what is undoubtedly one of the highlights of the film. Additionally the film’s theme song is appropriately fun. The visual effects in the movie, although limited, are done quite well and nicely add to the film’s comedic effect. Although I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say the movie could have done just fine without all of the animated urinating sheep.
I think the film’s greatest flaw is the fact that it’s doing too much as it tries to incorporate all of the main stereotypes of the western genre. It has duels, bar brawls, jailbreaks, horse chases, and even capture by Indians thrown in for good measure. In trying to cover all of the bases, the movie ends up running too long and becomes a little boring and tired. Rather than building up to a climax, the film diverges with some unnecessary scenes, and then concludes with a lackluster ending. It would have been cool to see Clinch and his group of bandits lay siege to the main town, which could have given the filmmakers an opportunity to create a wide variety of deaths, and allow Albert to exercise his newly developed skills before setting up to an ultimate final showdown. Maybe that would be adding to the long list of clichés, but at least it would have given this slow-paced film some much needed adrenaline and would have made it more true to its misleading title. There are also several cameo appearances in the film, and while a couple of them are great conceptually, I don’t think any of them are quite as satisfying as they should be. They end up feeling out of place, like last-second additions that have no purpose other than to acknowledge other films. I can appreciate the attempt but the cameos aren’t particularly funny and they just seems to emphasize how much better those other films are.
Seth MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West is good for a few laughs, but just like his character Albert’s long-winded ramblings, it feels like it goes on unreasonably long. It’s still an entertaining film regardless, and if you’re a fan of MacFarlane’s other work, you’ll most likely enjoy his parody of the Old West. The movie has a talented cast, some truly great scenes such as a bar brawl and a memorable dance, as well as plenty of good old-fashioned slapstick, and witty dialogue. If you can handle the occasional gross-out gag, you’ll probably have a good time. Just don’t expect to actually see the many ways people can die In the Old West. The movie doesn’t show many deaths at all, and all the best ones you likely already saw in the trailer.
(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 6.3.14.)
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Bunny Party at Maple Valley in Tabletop Games
Oct 11, 2021
What kinds of pets did you have growing up? My family was allowed one dog throughout my formative years, and I even tried to keep a turtle once in college. I have not ever had rabbits, but my brother did – Brewster. He was a cool bunny. Kinda freaked out sometimes and made a huge mess, but overall a nice little fella. I am trying to imagine an entire village of Brewsters planning a party and inviting all their friends. I can’t really do it, but now I don’t have to – there’s a game I can play.
Bunny Party at Maple Valley (which I shall refer to as simply Bunny Party from here) is a sweet and cute little card game for three or four players. In it players are the titular bunnies decorating for and competing to win the chance to host the Night Sky Party at their place. However, in this game more often than not the victory is shared between they who amass the requisite five decorations and their neighbor who also co-hosts the event! The bunnies gotta get crackin’ so let’s get going!
PS – I will be reviewing the 3-player version of the game, which has ever-so-slightly different rules.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, character cards are shuffled and two dealt to each player. They choose one to be their avatar and discard the other back to the box. The large deck of cards with the house on the back is shuffled and placed on the table within reach. The villager cards are shuffled and one is drawn and placed outside the play area – it will not be used this round. The other five villagers are arranged as a market of friends. Each player draws three cards on the first round, and the game is ready to begin!
Bunny Party is played over a series of rounds until one player satisfies the win condition. Each round consists of eight phases: Turn Start, Tidy a Card, Villagers Visit, Play Cards, Trade, Play Cards (again), Party Start?, and Villagers Go Home. Turn Start typically involves players setting the table for the round. First, the villager cards are re-shuffled, one set aside to be ignored this round (they are staying home), and the remainders displayed. Then each player draws two cards from the deck and collects one Trade Token.
Next, all players will choose one of their cards they drew during the Tidy a Card step to be placed in a temporary discard pile face-down. Alternatively, a player may forego the Tidy in order to place a card in front of another player by spending one Trade Token. Once all players have tidied a card or placed one in front of another player, the Tidy pile is shuffled, then flipped as a stack to the top of the discard pile, face-up.
The villagers are now becoming impatient, so players will allow them audience during this Villagers Visit phase. Each player chooses a villager from those available to host during their party preparation. These villagers offer special abilities each round and can be very valuable at certain times during the game.
While the villagers are visiting, players may next Play Cards from their hand. These cards are typically of three types: Item, Event, or Decoration. Item cards are placed in the player’s tableau and offer one-time or lingering effects. Event cards are typically one-and-done cards to be completed and then discarded. Decorations are what players are really after, as they are what determine win conditions. With five star or moon cards the player can start the party and end the game. At the bottom of the decoration cards is printed an arrow. This arrow points to the neighbor that will co-host and also win the game. In a three-player game Decoration cards are displayed upside down, so that is why the photo below looks a little strange.
When players have all played their hand of cards, the Trade phase may begin. Players may offer Item cards to other players and a trade may be struck by each player discarding a Trade Token from their stash. This may result in a player receiving a new card to be played. When this happens, the next phase is immediately played (after all trades have been completed). Any player who now holds an unplayed card may Play Cards (again) as before.
If a player (or players) have now collected five or more star or moon Decoration cards, they may claim victory during this Party Start? phase. Again, the Decoration cards have arrows printed to determine the co-host/co-victor in the game, and the winners may then invite the rest of the burrow to their den for the Night Sky Party! However, if no victor emerges during the Party Start? phase, then all the Villagers Go Home, and a new round begins with the Turn Start phase.
Play continues in this fashion until winners have been crowned host and co-host of the Night Sky Party in Maple Valley!
Components. This one is a bunch of cards a few cardboard chits. The cards are all fine quality, as are the chits. What is really great about these components is the art on them. I cannot think of many cuter themes than uber-nice bunnies throwing a party and sharing their victory with a neighbor. So obviously the art has to match the theme, tone, and style of the game. I believe Bunny Party knocks it out of the park here. The art is so playful and cute, and I absolutely have to give a huge shout out to Evan’s Games for the very apparent inclusivity and representation. I see you and I applaud you!
Gameplay for me is where I take just a little issue. Everything works, and once you understand the phases it does flow better, but, I can see myself really only playing this with children or in a gateway/breaking in new gamers situation. It is very light, but there are eight phases to a round! So while each phase is easy to understand and execute, each round takes a little longer because there are a few too many steps. Once my kids really know how to read well they will be playing this with me and I know right now that we will have a great time with it. I really do appreciate the special efforts that were made with regards to representation (yes, even with anthropomorphic cartoon animals) and with the design being more focused on sharing victory and being nice to neighbors. My children will certain have good habits reinforced while playing this, and that is what makes this game important.
Again, this is not the game for hardcore gamers, nor those who are interested in bigger and more complex medium-weight games. This is a quick filler at best during a game night when newer gamers are gathered. That being said, I still find a great deal of value in this one, and will be keeping it for a long time. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a 4 / 6 on stand-by. I do want to try this with different types of people (once we are able again) to see if my predictions are correct. I have only been able to play it with adult family, and none of them are medium to heavy weight game enthusiasts. If you are needing a nice game that can be played among other games for a themed game night (like Bunny Party + Bob Ross: Art of Chill + Hues and Cues + Escape: The Curse of the Temple) then this certainly fits that niche.
So my official stance, for now, is that Bunny Party has a great theme, excellent art, a wonderful message of harmony, but is both too light and too complex for what it is. I realize that sounds ridiculous. Please try it and let me know your thoughts. For now, I am keeping this close and I will be trying it with various groups with whom I game.
Bunny Party at Maple Valley (which I shall refer to as simply Bunny Party from here) is a sweet and cute little card game for three or four players. In it players are the titular bunnies decorating for and competing to win the chance to host the Night Sky Party at their place. However, in this game more often than not the victory is shared between they who amass the requisite five decorations and their neighbor who also co-hosts the event! The bunnies gotta get crackin’ so let’s get going!
PS – I will be reviewing the 3-player version of the game, which has ever-so-slightly different rules.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of this game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, character cards are shuffled and two dealt to each player. They choose one to be their avatar and discard the other back to the box. The large deck of cards with the house on the back is shuffled and placed on the table within reach. The villager cards are shuffled and one is drawn and placed outside the play area – it will not be used this round. The other five villagers are arranged as a market of friends. Each player draws three cards on the first round, and the game is ready to begin!
Bunny Party is played over a series of rounds until one player satisfies the win condition. Each round consists of eight phases: Turn Start, Tidy a Card, Villagers Visit, Play Cards, Trade, Play Cards (again), Party Start?, and Villagers Go Home. Turn Start typically involves players setting the table for the round. First, the villager cards are re-shuffled, one set aside to be ignored this round (they are staying home), and the remainders displayed. Then each player draws two cards from the deck and collects one Trade Token.
Next, all players will choose one of their cards they drew during the Tidy a Card step to be placed in a temporary discard pile face-down. Alternatively, a player may forego the Tidy in order to place a card in front of another player by spending one Trade Token. Once all players have tidied a card or placed one in front of another player, the Tidy pile is shuffled, then flipped as a stack to the top of the discard pile, face-up.
The villagers are now becoming impatient, so players will allow them audience during this Villagers Visit phase. Each player chooses a villager from those available to host during their party preparation. These villagers offer special abilities each round and can be very valuable at certain times during the game.
While the villagers are visiting, players may next Play Cards from their hand. These cards are typically of three types: Item, Event, or Decoration. Item cards are placed in the player’s tableau and offer one-time or lingering effects. Event cards are typically one-and-done cards to be completed and then discarded. Decorations are what players are really after, as they are what determine win conditions. With five star or moon cards the player can start the party and end the game. At the bottom of the decoration cards is printed an arrow. This arrow points to the neighbor that will co-host and also win the game. In a three-player game Decoration cards are displayed upside down, so that is why the photo below looks a little strange.
When players have all played their hand of cards, the Trade phase may begin. Players may offer Item cards to other players and a trade may be struck by each player discarding a Trade Token from their stash. This may result in a player receiving a new card to be played. When this happens, the next phase is immediately played (after all trades have been completed). Any player who now holds an unplayed card may Play Cards (again) as before.
If a player (or players) have now collected five or more star or moon Decoration cards, they may claim victory during this Party Start? phase. Again, the Decoration cards have arrows printed to determine the co-host/co-victor in the game, and the winners may then invite the rest of the burrow to their den for the Night Sky Party! However, if no victor emerges during the Party Start? phase, then all the Villagers Go Home, and a new round begins with the Turn Start phase.
Play continues in this fashion until winners have been crowned host and co-host of the Night Sky Party in Maple Valley!
Components. This one is a bunch of cards a few cardboard chits. The cards are all fine quality, as are the chits. What is really great about these components is the art on them. I cannot think of many cuter themes than uber-nice bunnies throwing a party and sharing their victory with a neighbor. So obviously the art has to match the theme, tone, and style of the game. I believe Bunny Party knocks it out of the park here. The art is so playful and cute, and I absolutely have to give a huge shout out to Evan’s Games for the very apparent inclusivity and representation. I see you and I applaud you!
Gameplay for me is where I take just a little issue. Everything works, and once you understand the phases it does flow better, but, I can see myself really only playing this with children or in a gateway/breaking in new gamers situation. It is very light, but there are eight phases to a round! So while each phase is easy to understand and execute, each round takes a little longer because there are a few too many steps. Once my kids really know how to read well they will be playing this with me and I know right now that we will have a great time with it. I really do appreciate the special efforts that were made with regards to representation (yes, even with anthropomorphic cartoon animals) and with the design being more focused on sharing victory and being nice to neighbors. My children will certain have good habits reinforced while playing this, and that is what makes this game important.
Again, this is not the game for hardcore gamers, nor those who are interested in bigger and more complex medium-weight games. This is a quick filler at best during a game night when newer gamers are gathered. That being said, I still find a great deal of value in this one, and will be keeping it for a long time. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one a 4 / 6 on stand-by. I do want to try this with different types of people (once we are able again) to see if my predictions are correct. I have only been able to play it with adult family, and none of them are medium to heavy weight game enthusiasts. If you are needing a nice game that can be played among other games for a themed game night (like Bunny Party + Bob Ross: Art of Chill + Hues and Cues + Escape: The Curse of the Temple) then this certainly fits that niche.
So my official stance, for now, is that Bunny Party has a great theme, excellent art, a wonderful message of harmony, but is both too light and too complex for what it is. I realize that sounds ridiculous. Please try it and let me know your thoughts. For now, I am keeping this close and I will be trying it with various groups with whom I game.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated The Road to Canterbury in Tabletop Games
Oct 4, 2021
I am not a sinless man. In fact, it’s been years since I’ve been to confession, and at this point I’m afraid I would be there for hours just spilling the beans. I know many pious people, but alas, I am not one. However, I do appreciate those that attempt to live that holy life. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of hard work. I guess I’m a little slothy when it comes to that, personally. Anyway, I know of the Seven Deadly Sins, Cardinal Sins, Capital Vices, or whatever you’d like to call them. In fact, I really like the movie Seven – I think it’s great! That said, let’s find out just “what’s in the box?”
The Road To Canterbury is a game of medieval hand management and area influence. In it players are false pardoners stalking the road to the city of Canterbury as pilgrims make their way there from London. As their companies run across these pardoners, they are offered the chance to purchase pardons – salvation and forgiveness for their sins. However, these pardoners are also keen to help the pilgrims along the path of sin, thus making their faux pardons worth even more money! The pardoner who ends the game with the most money will win along The Road to Canterbury.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of the Impoverished Pilgrim Edition (2nd edition) game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, follow the rulebook, as there are many components to track. The main areas are the Circle of Sin mat that holds the Parson pawn, the decks area that hold the various decks of cards from which players will be drawing, and each player’s personal area where players will hide their earnings and hand of cards behind the privacy screen. Once all is setup somewhat correctly, it should look similar to the photo below. Warning: When I set this up and took the photo, I neglected to realize the red company and the map tiles were translated to the wrong spaces, so just switch those.
The Road to Canterbury is a game of rounds, and each round players will be taking similar steps: Play One Card, Redraw, Perform a Reckoning of Sin. Players will have access to three different types of cards that can be played during the Play One Card phase: Sin cards (five of which are dealt at setup), Pardon cards, and Relic cards. During this phase, the active player can play a Sin card to one of the active Pilgrims to tempt them towards committing that sin. The first time the player adds a Sin card to a Pilgrim, they place one of their corruption cubes on the matching sin on the Circle of Sin. Alternatively, they may play a powerful Relic card that offers adjustments to the rules, or has some interesting results. When a player feels that enough Sin cards of a specific type have been played on a Pilgrim, they may opt to play a matching Pardon card in order to gain precious coin to their pockets. Each Pardon card essentially pardons ALL the sins of that type on the Pilgrim, and the player then collects coins exponentially for a larger total of matching Sin cards on that Pilgrim. If the Parson is currently sitting on the matching sin, the pardoner receives extra coin for it being an especially egregious sin in the eyes of the church. Each time the Pilgrim is pardoned, the pardoner places one of their corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim.
After the active player has played their card, they must Redraw their hand back to five cards, choosing to draw from the Sin, Pardon, or Relic offerings. Some Sin cards may be drawn that are Death Approaches cards. When these surface, they are immediately attached to the Pilgrim whose color matches that of the drawn card’s border color. This essentially eats up a slot on the Pilgrim that could be used for a Sin card to be pardoned.
Once the player has redrawn cards to their hand they must next Perform a Reckoning of Sin. The active player assesses each active Pilgrim to see if they have seven or more cards attached to them. If so, that Pilgrim will perish from the “deadly” sins. Whichever player has placed the most number of corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim is considered present at time of death and will receive credit for the sending to the heavens. They move one of the cubes upon the Pilgrim to the first space on the map tile, earning bonus points and a Last Rites token. Last Rites may be performed immediately to take another turn, or may be held until the end of the game for a 3 VP bonus per token. The most interesting aspect of a Pilgrim dying is the fact that their card now becomes a permanent placeholder underneath their company’s colored banner. So the next Pilgrim to enter play for that company will need only six additional cards to kick the bucket, and so on.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking turns through their three phases. The game ends when all the spaces on the map tile are filled with cubes. Bonus points are counted, coins are added, and the player with the most money/highest score is the winner! The best temptress and pardoner this side of Yorkshire!
Components. I have no experience with the first edition of The Road to Canterbury, so unfortunately I cannot compare and contrast components. However, I have seen many photos and even checked out a review video or two. What I can say about components is that this edition has refreshed the look of nearly everything, and so much for the better. Instead of boring plain cards, there’s just a little more decoration. Not so much to be invasive or distracting, but very tasteful. The component quality throughout is quite stellar. There’s a lot of cardboard in this box, and it all looks and feels great. I do quite like the art style, even though it’s all medievall-y and too artsy for my normal preference. All in all a great quality box of game.
So like I said, I have no experience with this game prior to receiving it and playing through it now. It certainly doesn’t feel like a 10-year-old game, nor does it really feel like many of the Alf Seegert games I have played in the past. Neither of these points are bad at all, just some thoughts I had.
It should be obvious by my ratings graphic that I dig this game a lot. I have nothing like it in my collection, and I am super excited to really bring this out with different types of gamers to see how it fares (once the COVID is no longer an issue, of course). I see this being a hit with my family, who enjoys a lot of take that style games. I see this being a hit with my more thinky gamer friends, because there are just so many juicy choices to be had every turn. I can see this even being a hit with my more gateway friends, because it isn’t terribly heavy, has some humor in it, and I can see the prospect of sowing sin and killing off innocent Pilgrims being attractive to some of my more morbid friends.
For me, I love the ability to take every turn and make important decisions. I try to make every turn meaningful to my agenda, but tactical with what may be at my disposal at the time. When should I play this Relic? Why is named something ridiculous? Should I wait a while longer to pardon this sin, or should I pile on another and then pardon next turn? Ooh, but what if my opponent has the same Pardon card. Am I truly happy that this poor Wife of Bath is about to kick it? GAAHHHHH!
Now it’s no secret that I am a big fan of Dr. Seegert’s games, as I have previously reviewed Fantastiqa and Haven with very high ratings. So, I was not at all surprised that I would love this one as well. It offers so many great choices, looks great on the table, fills a unique void that was present in my collection, and can be played with various types of gamers, even though it is designed for two or three players total. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one an unapologetic 5 / 6. I don’t think it will break into my Top 10, but I certainly won’t rule it out quite yet. More plays with different types of gamers may change my mind on that statement, and I eagerly await my plateful of crow. So if you are like me in your gaming preferences, check out this version of The Road to Canterbury. Let me know how often you tend to grab Relics too, because I feel like I need to utilize them more, but it is so hard to pass up a Sin or Pardon. I Lust after them so very badly.
The Road To Canterbury is a game of medieval hand management and area influence. In it players are false pardoners stalking the road to the city of Canterbury as pilgrims make their way there from London. As their companies run across these pardoners, they are offered the chance to purchase pardons – salvation and forgiveness for their sins. However, these pardoners are also keen to help the pilgrims along the path of sin, thus making their faux pardons worth even more money! The pardoner who ends the game with the most money will win along The Road to Canterbury.
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a copy of the Impoverished Pilgrim Edition (2nd edition) game for the purposes of this review. This is a retail copy of the game, so what you see in these photos is exactly what would be received in your box. I do not intend to cover every single rule included in the rulebook, but will describe the overall game flow and major rule set so that our readers may get a sense of how the game plays. For more in depth rules, you may purchase a copy online or from your FLGS. -T
To setup, follow the rulebook, as there are many components to track. The main areas are the Circle of Sin mat that holds the Parson pawn, the decks area that hold the various decks of cards from which players will be drawing, and each player’s personal area where players will hide their earnings and hand of cards behind the privacy screen. Once all is setup somewhat correctly, it should look similar to the photo below. Warning: When I set this up and took the photo, I neglected to realize the red company and the map tiles were translated to the wrong spaces, so just switch those.
The Road to Canterbury is a game of rounds, and each round players will be taking similar steps: Play One Card, Redraw, Perform a Reckoning of Sin. Players will have access to three different types of cards that can be played during the Play One Card phase: Sin cards (five of which are dealt at setup), Pardon cards, and Relic cards. During this phase, the active player can play a Sin card to one of the active Pilgrims to tempt them towards committing that sin. The first time the player adds a Sin card to a Pilgrim, they place one of their corruption cubes on the matching sin on the Circle of Sin. Alternatively, they may play a powerful Relic card that offers adjustments to the rules, or has some interesting results. When a player feels that enough Sin cards of a specific type have been played on a Pilgrim, they may opt to play a matching Pardon card in order to gain precious coin to their pockets. Each Pardon card essentially pardons ALL the sins of that type on the Pilgrim, and the player then collects coins exponentially for a larger total of matching Sin cards on that Pilgrim. If the Parson is currently sitting on the matching sin, the pardoner receives extra coin for it being an especially egregious sin in the eyes of the church. Each time the Pilgrim is pardoned, the pardoner places one of their corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim.
After the active player has played their card, they must Redraw their hand back to five cards, choosing to draw from the Sin, Pardon, or Relic offerings. Some Sin cards may be drawn that are Death Approaches cards. When these surface, they are immediately attached to the Pilgrim whose color matches that of the drawn card’s border color. This essentially eats up a slot on the Pilgrim that could be used for a Sin card to be pardoned.
Once the player has redrawn cards to their hand they must next Perform a Reckoning of Sin. The active player assesses each active Pilgrim to see if they have seven or more cards attached to them. If so, that Pilgrim will perish from the “deadly” sins. Whichever player has placed the most number of corruption cubes upon the Pilgrim is considered present at time of death and will receive credit for the sending to the heavens. They move one of the cubes upon the Pilgrim to the first space on the map tile, earning bonus points and a Last Rites token. Last Rites may be performed immediately to take another turn, or may be held until the end of the game for a 3 VP bonus per token. The most interesting aspect of a Pilgrim dying is the fact that their card now becomes a permanent placeholder underneath their company’s colored banner. So the next Pilgrim to enter play for that company will need only six additional cards to kick the bucket, and so on.
Play continues in this fashion of players taking turns through their three phases. The game ends when all the spaces on the map tile are filled with cubes. Bonus points are counted, coins are added, and the player with the most money/highest score is the winner! The best temptress and pardoner this side of Yorkshire!
Components. I have no experience with the first edition of The Road to Canterbury, so unfortunately I cannot compare and contrast components. However, I have seen many photos and even checked out a review video or two. What I can say about components is that this edition has refreshed the look of nearly everything, and so much for the better. Instead of boring plain cards, there’s just a little more decoration. Not so much to be invasive or distracting, but very tasteful. The component quality throughout is quite stellar. There’s a lot of cardboard in this box, and it all looks and feels great. I do quite like the art style, even though it’s all medievall-y and too artsy for my normal preference. All in all a great quality box of game.
So like I said, I have no experience with this game prior to receiving it and playing through it now. It certainly doesn’t feel like a 10-year-old game, nor does it really feel like many of the Alf Seegert games I have played in the past. Neither of these points are bad at all, just some thoughts I had.
It should be obvious by my ratings graphic that I dig this game a lot. I have nothing like it in my collection, and I am super excited to really bring this out with different types of gamers to see how it fares (once the COVID is no longer an issue, of course). I see this being a hit with my family, who enjoys a lot of take that style games. I see this being a hit with my more thinky gamer friends, because there are just so many juicy choices to be had every turn. I can see this even being a hit with my more gateway friends, because it isn’t terribly heavy, has some humor in it, and I can see the prospect of sowing sin and killing off innocent Pilgrims being attractive to some of my more morbid friends.
For me, I love the ability to take every turn and make important decisions. I try to make every turn meaningful to my agenda, but tactical with what may be at my disposal at the time. When should I play this Relic? Why is named something ridiculous? Should I wait a while longer to pardon this sin, or should I pile on another and then pardon next turn? Ooh, but what if my opponent has the same Pardon card. Am I truly happy that this poor Wife of Bath is about to kick it? GAAHHHHH!
Now it’s no secret that I am a big fan of Dr. Seegert’s games, as I have previously reviewed Fantastiqa and Haven with very high ratings. So, I was not at all surprised that I would love this one as well. It offers so many great choices, looks great on the table, fills a unique void that was present in my collection, and can be played with various types of gamers, even though it is designed for two or three players total. Purple Phoenix Games gives this one an unapologetic 5 / 6. I don’t think it will break into my Top 10, but I certainly won’t rule it out quite yet. More plays with different types of gamers may change my mind on that statement, and I eagerly await my plateful of crow. So if you are like me in your gaming preferences, check out this version of The Road to Canterbury. Let me know how often you tend to grab Relics too, because I feel like I need to utilize them more, but it is so hard to pass up a Sin or Pardon. I Lust after them so very badly.
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated Way Too Many Cats! in Tabletop Games
Jan 24, 2022
Before we had children and pets my wife and I would love to visit the humane societies back home on a Saturday morning. Sometimes looking for ourselves, sometimes just to see the lovelies being kept, and maybe once or twice volunteering to walk the animals. One place I never really enjoyed visiting was the cat room. I am a dog person. Actually, the older I get, the more I am becoming strictly an aquatic animal lover. Give me a 55 gallon saltwater tank and I’ll be happy raising my Firefish Gobies and Coral Beauty Angelfish. However, when I was asked to preview Way Too Many Cats, I just couldn’t say no. One of my favorite publishers calls for help, I will do my best. Just know I wish it were fish themed instead of cats. Cats…
Way Too Many Cats is a cat and kitten drafting and spatial puzzle game for one to six players. In it, players work at feline adoption centers with the goal of having all stock adopted. To do this, players will be placing specific cats adjacent to other favorable cats for points, giving kittens a habitat of their own, and even supplying the cats with toys. The player who completes these tasks most effectively by the end of the game will score the most points and win!
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup, each player receives an adoption center board, starter cat tile, and a reference card. The kitten and toy tokens are placed into the provided bag to be shuffled and drawn later. The stack of adoptable cats is shuffled, and four drawn and revealed to create Cat Alley (from which players will be drafting). Nearby, three stacks of kitten/toy tokens are made with one stack containing one token, the next stack containing two, and the final stack containing three tokens. The starting player marker is given to the player who most recently pet a cat (aka probably attacked by a cat) and the game may begin!
A game of Way Too Many Cats lasts many rounds, and ends once all players have had the same amount of turns and one player having completely filled their adoption center. On a turn, the active player will take one mandatory action, and then will choose to take another two actions. The mandatory action that all players take each turn is to Choose a Token Set and Cat Card(s) and Place Them. A bit wordy, but this is a prototype, so I will let it slide. In any case, the player will choose to (1) take the smallest group of tokens and two Cat tiles of their choice, (2) take the mid-sized group of tokens and one Cat tile of their choice, or (3) take the largest group of tokens and the right-most Cat tile from Cat Alley (the offer row). Once the choice has been made and all components taken, the player then refreshes Cat Alley by sliding all tiles to the right and refilling to four tiles. Also, the player pulls three tokens from the bag and adds one to each group of tokens on the table. Note, as the player has just chosen a group of tokens, one of the groups will be empty until they place a token there – thus creating the smallest group and embiggening (I’m on a Marvel kick right now) the other two groups.
As an optional second action, the player may choose to give any cat in their adoption center a toy from their personal supply. Cat tiles show icons for toys that the cat will appreciate, though not every cat is into toys. Note, the toy tokens may be given to the cats on any turn, and even at the end of the game just before scoring.
Finally, at the end of the turn, the player may Create a Kitten Habitat by discarding three toy tokens to the bag. The player then designates a space on their adoption center to be the kitty haven and it can house any number of kittens.
Once a player fills their last adoption center slot, the end game is triggered. Players will finish out the round so that all have an equal amount of turns. Then, points are tallied and scored following an involved scoring process. Points in this game are scored in numerous ways. Firstly, the starter cats are scored, and then each type of cat is scored. For example, the paw icon on cat tiles earn 1 VP for each adjacent cat of a different color. Each ball of yarn icon on cat tiles scores 2 VP. The goldfish cracker icon scores 2 VP for each adjacent cat or kitten sporting a ball of yarn icon. Finally, the feather icon scores 3/7/12/18 VP for each group of adjacent feather cats of train size 2/3/4/5 cats. So placement is very important in this game. Not enough scoring?
Players will score more points for kittens and for specific icons on cat tiles. 15 VP is awarded to a player who holds a complete set of the seven different types of kitten tokens, while another 8 VP is earned for holding a set of four matching kitten types. The player receives a -2VP penalty for each kitten token not associated with either type of set nor in a habitat on the board. Additionally, for each cat tile on the board, special scoring will be earned for supplying the tile with the requested toy, or placing it in the preferred space in the center, or even for other adjacency considerations.
Players will be scoring hundreds of points, and hopefully having their felines adopted by unsuspecting travelers and goo-goo eyed children. The player with the most VP at the end of the game is the winner!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so I know that these are not final components at all. Having had many opportunities to preview for Weird Giraffe Games now, I am confident that the final game will be sparkling with upgrades and cool features. To reiterate, my interest in the theme is on the lower side, as I am not a cat person, but I can definitely understand the theme and it works well with this type of game. I guarantee that you will be able to spot Way Too Many Cats in stores right away because that box art is super colorful and busy. I do enjoy the cartoony art style, and it fits the theme really well. The final version of the game will undoubtedly affect this paragraph in the future, but for now this is well on the way to being a very solid title with regards to components, artwork, and theme.
But do I like it? Surprisingly, yes I do. Quite a bit. Theme goes a really long way with me, but I have been known to enjoy other games with themes that don’t necessarily resonate with me, so perhaps “surprising” isn’t the best term here. I really enjoy the spatial puzzle aspect of the game. I highlighted puzzle because that’s exactly what is going on here. When I am playing, I have to debate whether to take all those kitten tokens to complete my sets and be stuck with the right-most card, or perhaps taking the smallest group is more beneficial so that I can draft the two best cards for what I am building on my board. Is it really worth it to me to grab Taco just because I am starting to realize I have a food themed cat dispensary? Why does this cat need a scratching post token when it’s clearly been de-clawed?? These are serious questions, folks!
I kid, but only because this is a very light game, and one that I think works well in many situations. Have newer to intermediate level players coming over tonight? Grab Way Too Many Cats! Having an animal-themed game night? Pull this one out! Sticking with a mechanic-specific lineup? You got it. Now, I haven’t seen the Kickstarter page yet, nor have I asked Carla (the designer) what the plans are for it, but I know this one is close to many peoples’ hearts, so I imagine it will get all the love that’s possible in making this a wonder in a box. The mechanics are there. The theme is… great for some. Way Too Many Cats is a thinker in a catsuit disguise, but it is not too heavy to turn off casual or intermediate gamers. I can certainly add my stamp of approval and recommend checking out Way Too Many Cats. Look for it to hit Kickstarter in February and click here to be notified on launch. You will probably want to get in on this project early if any of this sounds appealing to you.
PS – How many catfolk did I offend in this preview? How many aquarists have I now befriended? What up, my peeps!
Way Too Many Cats is a cat and kitten drafting and spatial puzzle game for one to six players. In it, players work at feline adoption centers with the goal of having all stock adopted. To do this, players will be placing specific cats adjacent to other favorable cats for points, giving kittens a habitat of their own, and even supplying the cats with toys. The player who completes these tasks most effectively by the end of the game will score the most points and win!
DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be any different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to download the rulebook, back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T
To setup, each player receives an adoption center board, starter cat tile, and a reference card. The kitten and toy tokens are placed into the provided bag to be shuffled and drawn later. The stack of adoptable cats is shuffled, and four drawn and revealed to create Cat Alley (from which players will be drafting). Nearby, three stacks of kitten/toy tokens are made with one stack containing one token, the next stack containing two, and the final stack containing three tokens. The starting player marker is given to the player who most recently pet a cat (aka probably attacked by a cat) and the game may begin!
A game of Way Too Many Cats lasts many rounds, and ends once all players have had the same amount of turns and one player having completely filled their adoption center. On a turn, the active player will take one mandatory action, and then will choose to take another two actions. The mandatory action that all players take each turn is to Choose a Token Set and Cat Card(s) and Place Them. A bit wordy, but this is a prototype, so I will let it slide. In any case, the player will choose to (1) take the smallest group of tokens and two Cat tiles of their choice, (2) take the mid-sized group of tokens and one Cat tile of their choice, or (3) take the largest group of tokens and the right-most Cat tile from Cat Alley (the offer row). Once the choice has been made and all components taken, the player then refreshes Cat Alley by sliding all tiles to the right and refilling to four tiles. Also, the player pulls three tokens from the bag and adds one to each group of tokens on the table. Note, as the player has just chosen a group of tokens, one of the groups will be empty until they place a token there – thus creating the smallest group and embiggening (I’m on a Marvel kick right now) the other two groups.
As an optional second action, the player may choose to give any cat in their adoption center a toy from their personal supply. Cat tiles show icons for toys that the cat will appreciate, though not every cat is into toys. Note, the toy tokens may be given to the cats on any turn, and even at the end of the game just before scoring.
Finally, at the end of the turn, the player may Create a Kitten Habitat by discarding three toy tokens to the bag. The player then designates a space on their adoption center to be the kitty haven and it can house any number of kittens.
Once a player fills their last adoption center slot, the end game is triggered. Players will finish out the round so that all have an equal amount of turns. Then, points are tallied and scored following an involved scoring process. Points in this game are scored in numerous ways. Firstly, the starter cats are scored, and then each type of cat is scored. For example, the paw icon on cat tiles earn 1 VP for each adjacent cat of a different color. Each ball of yarn icon on cat tiles scores 2 VP. The goldfish cracker icon scores 2 VP for each adjacent cat or kitten sporting a ball of yarn icon. Finally, the feather icon scores 3/7/12/18 VP for each group of adjacent feather cats of train size 2/3/4/5 cats. So placement is very important in this game. Not enough scoring?
Players will score more points for kittens and for specific icons on cat tiles. 15 VP is awarded to a player who holds a complete set of the seven different types of kitten tokens, while another 8 VP is earned for holding a set of four matching kitten types. The player receives a -2VP penalty for each kitten token not associated with either type of set nor in a habitat on the board. Additionally, for each cat tile on the board, special scoring will be earned for supplying the tile with the requested toy, or placing it in the preferred space in the center, or even for other adjacency considerations.
Players will be scoring hundreds of points, and hopefully having their felines adopted by unsuspecting travelers and goo-goo eyed children. The player with the most VP at the end of the game is the winner!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, so I know that these are not final components at all. Having had many opportunities to preview for Weird Giraffe Games now, I am confident that the final game will be sparkling with upgrades and cool features. To reiterate, my interest in the theme is on the lower side, as I am not a cat person, but I can definitely understand the theme and it works well with this type of game. I guarantee that you will be able to spot Way Too Many Cats in stores right away because that box art is super colorful and busy. I do enjoy the cartoony art style, and it fits the theme really well. The final version of the game will undoubtedly affect this paragraph in the future, but for now this is well on the way to being a very solid title with regards to components, artwork, and theme.
But do I like it? Surprisingly, yes I do. Quite a bit. Theme goes a really long way with me, but I have been known to enjoy other games with themes that don’t necessarily resonate with me, so perhaps “surprising” isn’t the best term here. I really enjoy the spatial puzzle aspect of the game. I highlighted puzzle because that’s exactly what is going on here. When I am playing, I have to debate whether to take all those kitten tokens to complete my sets and be stuck with the right-most card, or perhaps taking the smallest group is more beneficial so that I can draft the two best cards for what I am building on my board. Is it really worth it to me to grab Taco just because I am starting to realize I have a food themed cat dispensary? Why does this cat need a scratching post token when it’s clearly been de-clawed?? These are serious questions, folks!
I kid, but only because this is a very light game, and one that I think works well in many situations. Have newer to intermediate level players coming over tonight? Grab Way Too Many Cats! Having an animal-themed game night? Pull this one out! Sticking with a mechanic-specific lineup? You got it. Now, I haven’t seen the Kickstarter page yet, nor have I asked Carla (the designer) what the plans are for it, but I know this one is close to many peoples’ hearts, so I imagine it will get all the love that’s possible in making this a wonder in a box. The mechanics are there. The theme is… great for some. Way Too Many Cats is a thinker in a catsuit disguise, but it is not too heavy to turn off casual or intermediate gamers. I can certainly add my stamp of approval and recommend checking out Way Too Many Cats. Look for it to hit Kickstarter in February and click here to be notified on launch. You will probably want to get in on this project early if any of this sounds appealing to you.
PS – How many catfolk did I offend in this preview? How many aquarists have I now befriended? What up, my peeps!
Versusyours (757 KP) rated Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) in Movies
Dec 30, 2019 (Updated Dec 30, 2019)
Another film ruined by Endgame's splendour
Contains spoilers, click to show
The Rise of Skywalker
Some endings are welcomed whilst others are heart-breaking and sudden, then there is this movie that closes a curtain that’s older than my very bones. In the time from 1977 there has been highs, lows and Jar Jar Binks a plenty and lots and lots of toys, lunchboxes and soap sets in all shapes of droids. The film itself opens and quickly reintroduces all the main characters and sets up the plot lines for each person and they embark on a path that is destined for them all to meet later. Kylo Ren is on a solo Gooniesesque mission to retrieve something darker than One Eyed Willies rich stuff with the aid of a Toblerone shaped virtual map. Helmetless and emotionless he encounters the Emperor you in fact is not dead but just chilling out with many engineers, Sith corpses and a big evil throne that he may use to do dark side Sudoku. Kylo Ren must kill Rey and then he and Palpatine might both crack a smile and take turns on the evil throne as all powerful rulers.
Is it a bird? Is it plane? Well its half bird in name alone it’s the Millennium Falcon doing what it does best and being chased and escaping for the numerous time but this time they are light speed jumping even though they are told not to, naughty naughty. Po and Finn get some gossip and head to the planet the Rebels are all hiding on to share their news. Enter the heroine its Rey in a new outfit and floating up high but failing to entice the Jedi spirits to appear but why would they this early on in a film. The hero’s all use the gossip from the Empire spy and Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, BB-8, and C-3PO depart in the Millennium Falcon. Space trip!!!
They head for a Space desert that is like Mardi Gras with sand, it’s so lucky that these sandy terrains are common in space like they are common on Earth as Star Wars loves these arid landscapes. They get into a scrape as they always seem to do but with Stormtroopers being inept and despite being airborne, they now fail on both land and air to do anything other than being a source for explosions. C3-PO finally gets the chance to be of actual use but in his golden and splendid way he is unable to translate a Sith message orally and it remains unheard and unseen in his memory banks. Kylo Ren mentally Skype calls Rey and she forgets to turn off her location settings and he turns up. In the ensuing melee Rey turns up the bad ass levels and destroys an Empire ship containing the Wookie we all fell in love with Chewbacca. In a big fiery furball of fire he is gone, Rey is beside herself with regret and they all escape on board Not the Millennium Falcon. Another planet another mission to add to the collection sees the group hoping to find a brain surgeon to extract the Sith message from C3-PO. On planet Jim Henson we see a large collection of weird and wonderful puppets and cosplay experts. The downside of the brain surgery is it will format C3-PO to the factory settings so he can learn to be annoying to everyone all over again. A little shaved Mogwai turns out to be the master surgeon and he completes the job easily enough and they retrieve the message, but the worst fears are realised as C3-PO remembers no one.
From the furry flames Chewbacca, we find out is not dead but merely being pampered in the Empires many hair and nail bars. Sensing this fashion disaster waiting to happen Rey organises a rescue mission and they break into the Star Destroyer with relative ease until Poe, Finn are caught and assigned to death. Rey is on her own mission and breaks into Kylo Ren’s bachelor pad and has a look around and gets the Sith dagger and another Skype call from Kylo Ren is taken where he tells her some missing parts of her childhood and about her true lineage as a pesky Palpatine. The age-old Star Wars family is not who you think it is trope is wheeled out once more. Learning from her previous failures of her location services she refuses to tell Kylo but when the melted helmet of the original absent father Darth Vader falls at Kylo’s feet he knows she is in his room. Enraged in case he left any interspace porn lying around his room he quickly makes a run for his awesome ship.
With certain execution facing Poe, Finn and the now unlucky Chewie and the blasters set to wipe them out General Hux turns Rouge One and saves the heroes at the last second. With his turncoat and spy status ensured he shows his true childish colours and he wants Kylo Ren to lose because he has longer and hair on the darker side of black (maybe). Before allowing them to escape he asked for a blaster wound to give his story of them overpowering the guards some weight, surely a fool proof plan with your boss being able to mind read. He takes a blaster to the knee before hobbling to explain himself before being shot as the traitorous Rebel scum he is. If only he had lived long enough, he may have seen his wish come true. They well-travelled hero’s travel to space Astoria for another Goonies part of the quest where they see the remnants of the second Death Star and use the dagger doubloon to perfectly line up where the way finder is located. A big source of luck as the waves that engulf the planet and are crashing all around the wreck of the Deathstar have avoided any damage over the years. It’s deemed impossible to traverse the giant waves until morning but when Rey sees her opportunity she sails over the waves with relative ease while the rest of the heroes are chatting to a local about zero hour Strom trooper contracts and a lack of a good sickness benefit policy. As Rey makes it to the wreckage, she is met with Kylo Ren and they have a lightsaber battle after he smashes the way finder and asks her to join him in getting rid of Papa Palpatine and being the Sith power couple. Kylo seems to be building up the anger in Rey and trying to temp her to give in to her rage. Some great action shots and some force leaps make this a memorable fight scene until Leia ‘force times’ Kylo distracting him enough for Rey to become the victor. This is the last stand for Leia as she gives up the ghost and therefore becomes one of those ghost Jedi figures. With a sudden change of heart and with the wound barely open Rey uses her force healing abilities to fill Kylo’s hole right up before stealing his ship and leaving him stranded on Goonieland. With all this free time Kylo throws away his lightsaber and becomes Ben Solo once more and squeezes in a catch up with his old dad Han in dreamworld or memoryland.
Rey is now on a mission to destroy the Sith and the Emperor on the hidden planet now she has the map but only after setting Kylo’s sweet spaceship on fire and then realising her error. This impulsive nature may be leading to the dark side!! She heads to Exegol the Sith planet just as Palpatine is setting his sights on getting on with ending the Rebellion once and for all. If a job is worth doing its worth doing it yourself and orders the destruction of planet by a weapon that’s on each Star Destroyer. When Rey catches up with the Emperor, he is happy to see her and he invites her to strike him down, probably to become more powerful than we can imagine. Rey leaves a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs and she is followed by the resistance and they have a plan to take on the Final Order by destroying a central communication tower, so again a rather simple way to stop some heavy duty weaponry; the old classics are the best!!! It becomes a bit Star Wars of the Rings with space horses appearing and galloping to the rescue, not since the ill-fated days of the Phantom Menace has wildlife shocked me in such a manner. Back to the will she, won’t she, Rey and the Emperor are still wanting different things and Palpatine has invited the ghosts of Sith past to witness his greatest triumph. Rey has a choice of lightsaber’s due to Leia giving her an extra, maybe there was a reason for this!! Oh, wait Ben Solo has arrived lightsaberless what a stroke of luck!! Palpatine has had enough and he decides to drain both the Jedi’s of their life force and levels ups and gets back to rage mode and gets his lightning on. He dispatches Ben and then takes out the full resistance fleet with an impressive lightning show. Rey in her weakened state finally perfects the connection with the Jedi spirits that she failed at early in the film. Armed with the x-factor of crossed lightsabers she pushes the Emperor back and turns his own electricity and his face is melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Ben then comes back into the mix and repays the force healing from earlier and gives Rey the gift of life followed by a kiss. This is a kiss of death literally and he fades away into nothingness. In scenes not seen since the Avengers help arrives when all hope is gone, and the fight is won by the good guys again.
I felt that this film was too fast paced and had too many storylines that were quickly explored and this was at a detriment to what could have been. Maybe on repeat viewing there will be the chance to slow down and explore the potential of the film. Some scenes were for the older generation and some were for the newbies to the galaxy far, far away and this again was at a cost to the whole experience. This all being said the watch was enjoyable and had its genuine emotional moments and humour was used to break the tension at times with C3-PO having a few choice lines for once.
Some endings are welcomed whilst others are heart-breaking and sudden, then there is this movie that closes a curtain that’s older than my very bones. In the time from 1977 there has been highs, lows and Jar Jar Binks a plenty and lots and lots of toys, lunchboxes and soap sets in all shapes of droids. The film itself opens and quickly reintroduces all the main characters and sets up the plot lines for each person and they embark on a path that is destined for them all to meet later. Kylo Ren is on a solo Gooniesesque mission to retrieve something darker than One Eyed Willies rich stuff with the aid of a Toblerone shaped virtual map. Helmetless and emotionless he encounters the Emperor you in fact is not dead but just chilling out with many engineers, Sith corpses and a big evil throne that he may use to do dark side Sudoku. Kylo Ren must kill Rey and then he and Palpatine might both crack a smile and take turns on the evil throne as all powerful rulers.
Is it a bird? Is it plane? Well its half bird in name alone it’s the Millennium Falcon doing what it does best and being chased and escaping for the numerous time but this time they are light speed jumping even though they are told not to, naughty naughty. Po and Finn get some gossip and head to the planet the Rebels are all hiding on to share their news. Enter the heroine its Rey in a new outfit and floating up high but failing to entice the Jedi spirits to appear but why would they this early on in a film. The hero’s all use the gossip from the Empire spy and Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, BB-8, and C-3PO depart in the Millennium Falcon. Space trip!!!
They head for a Space desert that is like Mardi Gras with sand, it’s so lucky that these sandy terrains are common in space like they are common on Earth as Star Wars loves these arid landscapes. They get into a scrape as they always seem to do but with Stormtroopers being inept and despite being airborne, they now fail on both land and air to do anything other than being a source for explosions. C3-PO finally gets the chance to be of actual use but in his golden and splendid way he is unable to translate a Sith message orally and it remains unheard and unseen in his memory banks. Kylo Ren mentally Skype calls Rey and she forgets to turn off her location settings and he turns up. In the ensuing melee Rey turns up the bad ass levels and destroys an Empire ship containing the Wookie we all fell in love with Chewbacca. In a big fiery furball of fire he is gone, Rey is beside herself with regret and they all escape on board Not the Millennium Falcon. Another planet another mission to add to the collection sees the group hoping to find a brain surgeon to extract the Sith message from C3-PO. On planet Jim Henson we see a large collection of weird and wonderful puppets and cosplay experts. The downside of the brain surgery is it will format C3-PO to the factory settings so he can learn to be annoying to everyone all over again. A little shaved Mogwai turns out to be the master surgeon and he completes the job easily enough and they retrieve the message, but the worst fears are realised as C3-PO remembers no one.
From the furry flames Chewbacca, we find out is not dead but merely being pampered in the Empires many hair and nail bars. Sensing this fashion disaster waiting to happen Rey organises a rescue mission and they break into the Star Destroyer with relative ease until Poe, Finn are caught and assigned to death. Rey is on her own mission and breaks into Kylo Ren’s bachelor pad and has a look around and gets the Sith dagger and another Skype call from Kylo Ren is taken where he tells her some missing parts of her childhood and about her true lineage as a pesky Palpatine. The age-old Star Wars family is not who you think it is trope is wheeled out once more. Learning from her previous failures of her location services she refuses to tell Kylo but when the melted helmet of the original absent father Darth Vader falls at Kylo’s feet he knows she is in his room. Enraged in case he left any interspace porn lying around his room he quickly makes a run for his awesome ship.
With certain execution facing Poe, Finn and the now unlucky Chewie and the blasters set to wipe them out General Hux turns Rouge One and saves the heroes at the last second. With his turncoat and spy status ensured he shows his true childish colours and he wants Kylo Ren to lose because he has longer and hair on the darker side of black (maybe). Before allowing them to escape he asked for a blaster wound to give his story of them overpowering the guards some weight, surely a fool proof plan with your boss being able to mind read. He takes a blaster to the knee before hobbling to explain himself before being shot as the traitorous Rebel scum he is. If only he had lived long enough, he may have seen his wish come true. They well-travelled hero’s travel to space Astoria for another Goonies part of the quest where they see the remnants of the second Death Star and use the dagger doubloon to perfectly line up where the way finder is located. A big source of luck as the waves that engulf the planet and are crashing all around the wreck of the Deathstar have avoided any damage over the years. It’s deemed impossible to traverse the giant waves until morning but when Rey sees her opportunity she sails over the waves with relative ease while the rest of the heroes are chatting to a local about zero hour Strom trooper contracts and a lack of a good sickness benefit policy. As Rey makes it to the wreckage, she is met with Kylo Ren and they have a lightsaber battle after he smashes the way finder and asks her to join him in getting rid of Papa Palpatine and being the Sith power couple. Kylo seems to be building up the anger in Rey and trying to temp her to give in to her rage. Some great action shots and some force leaps make this a memorable fight scene until Leia ‘force times’ Kylo distracting him enough for Rey to become the victor. This is the last stand for Leia as she gives up the ghost and therefore becomes one of those ghost Jedi figures. With a sudden change of heart and with the wound barely open Rey uses her force healing abilities to fill Kylo’s hole right up before stealing his ship and leaving him stranded on Goonieland. With all this free time Kylo throws away his lightsaber and becomes Ben Solo once more and squeezes in a catch up with his old dad Han in dreamworld or memoryland.
Rey is now on a mission to destroy the Sith and the Emperor on the hidden planet now she has the map but only after setting Kylo’s sweet spaceship on fire and then realising her error. This impulsive nature may be leading to the dark side!! She heads to Exegol the Sith planet just as Palpatine is setting his sights on getting on with ending the Rebellion once and for all. If a job is worth doing its worth doing it yourself and orders the destruction of planet by a weapon that’s on each Star Destroyer. When Rey catches up with the Emperor, he is happy to see her and he invites her to strike him down, probably to become more powerful than we can imagine. Rey leaves a trail of cosmic breadcrumbs and she is followed by the resistance and they have a plan to take on the Final Order by destroying a central communication tower, so again a rather simple way to stop some heavy duty weaponry; the old classics are the best!!! It becomes a bit Star Wars of the Rings with space horses appearing and galloping to the rescue, not since the ill-fated days of the Phantom Menace has wildlife shocked me in such a manner. Back to the will she, won’t she, Rey and the Emperor are still wanting different things and Palpatine has invited the ghosts of Sith past to witness his greatest triumph. Rey has a choice of lightsaber’s due to Leia giving her an extra, maybe there was a reason for this!! Oh, wait Ben Solo has arrived lightsaberless what a stroke of luck!! Palpatine has had enough and he decides to drain both the Jedi’s of their life force and levels ups and gets back to rage mode and gets his lightning on. He dispatches Ben and then takes out the full resistance fleet with an impressive lightning show. Rey in her weakened state finally perfects the connection with the Jedi spirits that she failed at early in the film. Armed with the x-factor of crossed lightsabers she pushes the Emperor back and turns his own electricity and his face is melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Ben then comes back into the mix and repays the force healing from earlier and gives Rey the gift of life followed by a kiss. This is a kiss of death literally and he fades away into nothingness. In scenes not seen since the Avengers help arrives when all hope is gone, and the fight is won by the good guys again.
I felt that this film was too fast paced and had too many storylines that were quickly explored and this was at a detriment to what could have been. Maybe on repeat viewing there will be the chance to slow down and explore the potential of the film. Some scenes were for the older generation and some were for the newbies to the galaxy far, far away and this again was at a cost to the whole experience. This all being said the watch was enjoyable and had its genuine emotional moments and humour was used to break the tension at times with C3-PO having a few choice lines for once.
5 Minute Movie Guy (379 KP) rated Godzilla (2014) in Movies
Jun 26, 2019
Godzilla's gigantic scale is impressive. (1 more)
Bryan Cranston gives a terrific performance.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson is a horribly lifeless protagonist. (2 more)
The film repeatedly obscures our chances to see Godzilla or cuts away from him completely.
There seems to be very little sense of panic or concern despite Godzilla and MUTO's destruction.
As promising as this new Godzilla movie may appear to be, it falls far short of expectations, and dare I say, it isn’t even much better than the 1998 version.
This year marks the 60th anniversary of the original Godzilla film, when the King of the Monsters first emerged from the Pacific and terrorized Tokyo, Japan. Roughly 10 years after America dropped two atomic bombs on Japan to end World War II, Godzilla was artistically created to be a physical, living representation of the destructive force of those bombs. Even the texture of his skin is modelled after keloid scars, which were found on survivors as a result of the radiation. Godzilla’s arrival and subsequent attacks were spurred by the use of nuclear weapons, and he as a character wholly embodies the consequences of nuclear warfare.
60 years later, Godzilla remains a global icon, having spawned dozens of movie sequels, while introducing several other enormous monsters to battle with. Then 16 years ago, he was reimagined as he first came to America in Roland Emmerich’s lackluster 1998 film Godzilla, leaving many fans severely disappointed with not only the film, but also the new rendition of the famous monster. While Godzilla is visually depicted much more accurately in Gareth Edward’s new 2014 Godzilla than he was in ’98, his entire presence is surprisingly different than usual. This isn’t the angry, vengeful Godzilla of the past. He actually now seems almost entirely indifferent to humans. Unfortunately, as promising as this new Godzilla movie may appear to be, it falls far short of expectations, and dare I say, it isn’t even much better than the 1998 Godzilla.
Godzilla (2014) starts off pretty well, strengthened by the performance of Bryan Cranston, who plays Joe Brody, a nuclear power plant engineer living in Japan. Brody is present when an unknown disaster occurs at the plant, costing many innocent lives. Despite what the trailers suggest, Cranston’s Brody is not the main character of the film. Nor is it fellow all-star actor Ken Watanabe. The main character is actually only seen for about 4 seconds of the film’s original 2 and a half minute trailer. It’s Joe Brody’s son, Ford, played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, in a performance that is decent but far from engaging. The protagonist Ford Brody is a character that is largely uninteresting, and who just casually wants to get back to his family after the monster invasion. He fails to convey any genuine sense of urgency amidst the chaos, although the same can be said for the entire cast, with the exception of Cranston’s Brody. Cranston’s performance is the only one that has any emotional weight to it, but he can’t carry the film alone. Meanwhile, Ken Watanabe is essentially reduced to being the quiet, ever-present voice of reason that no one wants to listen to. The film has a solid cast of actors, but they’re not given enough to work with in this convoluted mess of a movie.
For a movie that has so much death and destruction, the people in the film never seem all that concerned. You get no sense of global panic and hysteria. You have a 300-foot-tall monster destroying cities, with millions of people dying, and yet nobody seems all that freaked out by it. It’s almost like the situation isn’t treated as a serious threat, and there’s a major lack of suspense altogether. There’s rarely any edge-of-your-seat terror or excitement, and the lack of emotion just makes the action come off as sort of flat and dull. Not only that, the majority of the destruction that’s taking place isn’t even seen, with the movie instead opting to show you the aftermath. Throughout the first two-thirds of the movie, the camera continuously cuts away from the action you’ve been waiting for. Rather than showing you what you want to see in full-glory, the movie frequently will take you to a different location where you’ll briefly see a few seconds of the catastrophe being watched by someone on television. It feels like a cheap trick to build up to some amazing climax, but it’s incredibly frustrating. It’s like when watching a reality TV show and then the show cuts to a commercial break before revealing the winner. Perhaps it would be more forgivable if the end was enjoyable, but even though it does give you a full display of the showdown, it’s bogged down by a tiresome human story and still lacks any real emotional punch. Despite the fact that the movie tries to convey a serious tone, it’s also incredibly cheesy. To the extent that the big finale that this movie has been trying so hard to build up to ends up being almost laughable. Ultimately the movie ends up just being unsatisfying, disappointing, and overly long.
There are a lot of ways in which Godzilla goes wrong, despite the film’s great potential. One of my issues is with the musical score, which ends up coming off like a bad punchline. Music is supposed to accentuate the action and drama of a film, yet the film feels emotionless and boring. The only time the music really stood out to me was when it was being used to heighten the suspense of the climactic battle, and essentially narrate who was winning. It was done so ineffectively that it was both kind of comical and embarrassing. I also have an issue with all of the special effects, which are being touted as absolutely amazing. They’re not. However, I will say that the use of special effects in the movie is quite ambitious, but it works to the film’s detriment. There’s simply too much of them, and this excessive nature of the film is, I think, its biggest mistake. Godzilla (2014) is ridiculously CGI-heavy, and while their scope is admirable, I really think the quality would have been substantially improved if they didn’t overdo it so much. I think a less-is-more approach would have benefited the film in many ways. It’s excessive to the point of making good things turn bad. Everything is way too over the top, causing the action to lose its impact. It’s evident the filmmakers were trying so hard to make this big-budget movie as epic as possible, but this enormous scale ends up backfiring. The rampage covers two continents, multiple cities, and even traverses the length of the Pacific Ocean. I can appreciate their attempt, but the movie is trying to do too much. In other words, Godzilla (2014) bites off more than it can chew.
I also have some problems with the film’s treatment of the titular character, Godzilla. First of all, for a movie named after him, he sure doesn’t appear much in it. He’s the reason why we want to see the movie, but he’s absent for the majority of the film. Even when he’s around, he’s largely obscured by CGI smoke and storm clouds, up until the final moments of the movie. I’m also not particularly fond of his appearance. He just doesn’t quite look like Godzilla to me. It’s like looking at a T-Rex head on Godzilla’s body. I’m aware that Godzilla’s facial appearance has changed many times over 60 years, but something just doesn’t look quite right here. Additionally, I feel that Godzilla’s face is actually too expressive in this new film. I wonder if this was done to cause viewers to feel more sympathetic to him, because in the film, Godzilla is actually depicted as something of a tragic hero, rather than a colossal beast. This is my biggest concern with the movie’s handling of his character. Godzilla’s destruction in the film is treated like it’s all unintentional, and just a result of his massive size. Even though humans attack him, he’s not angry about it or anything. Never mind the movie’s claim that all of America’s nuclear bomb tests after Hiroshima and Nagasaki were actually secretive but unsuccessful attempts to kill Godzilla. He doesn’t mind. He’s just a poor gentle giant that’s misunderstood. Really, Hollywood? Give me a break!
To say that Godzilla (2014) is almost as bad of a film as Godzilla (1998) is a statement that I don’t take lightly. It’s a bold and controversial thing to say, and it may seem a bit absurd considering that this film goes in the right direction, whereas the previous film was all wrong from the beginning. Yet while the new movie has all the right pieces for greatness, it extends its reach too far and attempts to do too much, while never managing to make any of it very good. In all seriousness, I was more entertained with the ’98 film than I was with this one. I can hardly comprehend how a movie with a giant 300-foot-tall monster destroying cities can be so boring. Godzilla (2014) focuses so much on trying to build up to an epic conclusion that it forgets to worry about making the audience care, or even about keeping them entertained, and it just gets worse as it goes on. It repeatedly tries to raise the stakes, as well as our expectations, while attempting to delay gratification until the end. It’s a risky move, and unsurprisingly, it certainly doesn’t pay off. On the bright side, Godzilla (2014) is probably a pretty sweet movie if you’re a 12-year-old. There’s plenty of action, some cool special effects, and he’s still a pretty awesome monster. However, for me, I was totally pumped up for this movie, but an hour and a half into it, I had endured enough and wanted to walk out. Godzilla (2014) disappointed me on so many levels. It’s a movie without a beating heart. It’s predictable, overly long, has uninspired characters and a weak story, and the action just never hits the right note. A little more emotion and a little less CGI could have a gone a long way in making this movie better. As a fan of Godzilla, I felt frustrated, detached, and perplexed with how they were able to do so much wrong when they had the groundwork for something great. You know, perhaps I’m wrong in claiming it’s comparably bad as Godzilla (1998). After all, the last time I saw that movie was in the theaters when I was 12.
(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 5.17.14.)
60 years later, Godzilla remains a global icon, having spawned dozens of movie sequels, while introducing several other enormous monsters to battle with. Then 16 years ago, he was reimagined as he first came to America in Roland Emmerich’s lackluster 1998 film Godzilla, leaving many fans severely disappointed with not only the film, but also the new rendition of the famous monster. While Godzilla is visually depicted much more accurately in Gareth Edward’s new 2014 Godzilla than he was in ’98, his entire presence is surprisingly different than usual. This isn’t the angry, vengeful Godzilla of the past. He actually now seems almost entirely indifferent to humans. Unfortunately, as promising as this new Godzilla movie may appear to be, it falls far short of expectations, and dare I say, it isn’t even much better than the 1998 Godzilla.
Godzilla (2014) starts off pretty well, strengthened by the performance of Bryan Cranston, who plays Joe Brody, a nuclear power plant engineer living in Japan. Brody is present when an unknown disaster occurs at the plant, costing many innocent lives. Despite what the trailers suggest, Cranston’s Brody is not the main character of the film. Nor is it fellow all-star actor Ken Watanabe. The main character is actually only seen for about 4 seconds of the film’s original 2 and a half minute trailer. It’s Joe Brody’s son, Ford, played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, in a performance that is decent but far from engaging. The protagonist Ford Brody is a character that is largely uninteresting, and who just casually wants to get back to his family after the monster invasion. He fails to convey any genuine sense of urgency amidst the chaos, although the same can be said for the entire cast, with the exception of Cranston’s Brody. Cranston’s performance is the only one that has any emotional weight to it, but he can’t carry the film alone. Meanwhile, Ken Watanabe is essentially reduced to being the quiet, ever-present voice of reason that no one wants to listen to. The film has a solid cast of actors, but they’re not given enough to work with in this convoluted mess of a movie.
For a movie that has so much death and destruction, the people in the film never seem all that concerned. You get no sense of global panic and hysteria. You have a 300-foot-tall monster destroying cities, with millions of people dying, and yet nobody seems all that freaked out by it. It’s almost like the situation isn’t treated as a serious threat, and there’s a major lack of suspense altogether. There’s rarely any edge-of-your-seat terror or excitement, and the lack of emotion just makes the action come off as sort of flat and dull. Not only that, the majority of the destruction that’s taking place isn’t even seen, with the movie instead opting to show you the aftermath. Throughout the first two-thirds of the movie, the camera continuously cuts away from the action you’ve been waiting for. Rather than showing you what you want to see in full-glory, the movie frequently will take you to a different location where you’ll briefly see a few seconds of the catastrophe being watched by someone on television. It feels like a cheap trick to build up to some amazing climax, but it’s incredibly frustrating. It’s like when watching a reality TV show and then the show cuts to a commercial break before revealing the winner. Perhaps it would be more forgivable if the end was enjoyable, but even though it does give you a full display of the showdown, it’s bogged down by a tiresome human story and still lacks any real emotional punch. Despite the fact that the movie tries to convey a serious tone, it’s also incredibly cheesy. To the extent that the big finale that this movie has been trying so hard to build up to ends up being almost laughable. Ultimately the movie ends up just being unsatisfying, disappointing, and overly long.
There are a lot of ways in which Godzilla goes wrong, despite the film’s great potential. One of my issues is with the musical score, which ends up coming off like a bad punchline. Music is supposed to accentuate the action and drama of a film, yet the film feels emotionless and boring. The only time the music really stood out to me was when it was being used to heighten the suspense of the climactic battle, and essentially narrate who was winning. It was done so ineffectively that it was both kind of comical and embarrassing. I also have an issue with all of the special effects, which are being touted as absolutely amazing. They’re not. However, I will say that the use of special effects in the movie is quite ambitious, but it works to the film’s detriment. There’s simply too much of them, and this excessive nature of the film is, I think, its biggest mistake. Godzilla (2014) is ridiculously CGI-heavy, and while their scope is admirable, I really think the quality would have been substantially improved if they didn’t overdo it so much. I think a less-is-more approach would have benefited the film in many ways. It’s excessive to the point of making good things turn bad. Everything is way too over the top, causing the action to lose its impact. It’s evident the filmmakers were trying so hard to make this big-budget movie as epic as possible, but this enormous scale ends up backfiring. The rampage covers two continents, multiple cities, and even traverses the length of the Pacific Ocean. I can appreciate their attempt, but the movie is trying to do too much. In other words, Godzilla (2014) bites off more than it can chew.
I also have some problems with the film’s treatment of the titular character, Godzilla. First of all, for a movie named after him, he sure doesn’t appear much in it. He’s the reason why we want to see the movie, but he’s absent for the majority of the film. Even when he’s around, he’s largely obscured by CGI smoke and storm clouds, up until the final moments of the movie. I’m also not particularly fond of his appearance. He just doesn’t quite look like Godzilla to me. It’s like looking at a T-Rex head on Godzilla’s body. I’m aware that Godzilla’s facial appearance has changed many times over 60 years, but something just doesn’t look quite right here. Additionally, I feel that Godzilla’s face is actually too expressive in this new film. I wonder if this was done to cause viewers to feel more sympathetic to him, because in the film, Godzilla is actually depicted as something of a tragic hero, rather than a colossal beast. This is my biggest concern with the movie’s handling of his character. Godzilla’s destruction in the film is treated like it’s all unintentional, and just a result of his massive size. Even though humans attack him, he’s not angry about it or anything. Never mind the movie’s claim that all of America’s nuclear bomb tests after Hiroshima and Nagasaki were actually secretive but unsuccessful attempts to kill Godzilla. He doesn’t mind. He’s just a poor gentle giant that’s misunderstood. Really, Hollywood? Give me a break!
To say that Godzilla (2014) is almost as bad of a film as Godzilla (1998) is a statement that I don’t take lightly. It’s a bold and controversial thing to say, and it may seem a bit absurd considering that this film goes in the right direction, whereas the previous film was all wrong from the beginning. Yet while the new movie has all the right pieces for greatness, it extends its reach too far and attempts to do too much, while never managing to make any of it very good. In all seriousness, I was more entertained with the ’98 film than I was with this one. I can hardly comprehend how a movie with a giant 300-foot-tall monster destroying cities can be so boring. Godzilla (2014) focuses so much on trying to build up to an epic conclusion that it forgets to worry about making the audience care, or even about keeping them entertained, and it just gets worse as it goes on. It repeatedly tries to raise the stakes, as well as our expectations, while attempting to delay gratification until the end. It’s a risky move, and unsurprisingly, it certainly doesn’t pay off. On the bright side, Godzilla (2014) is probably a pretty sweet movie if you’re a 12-year-old. There’s plenty of action, some cool special effects, and he’s still a pretty awesome monster. However, for me, I was totally pumped up for this movie, but an hour and a half into it, I had endured enough and wanted to walk out. Godzilla (2014) disappointed me on so many levels. It’s a movie without a beating heart. It’s predictable, overly long, has uninspired characters and a weak story, and the action just never hits the right note. A little more emotion and a little less CGI could have a gone a long way in making this movie better. As a fan of Godzilla, I felt frustrated, detached, and perplexed with how they were able to do so much wrong when they had the groundwork for something great. You know, perhaps I’m wrong in claiming it’s comparably bad as Godzilla (1998). After all, the last time I saw that movie was in the theaters when I was 12.
(This review was originally posted at 5mmg.com on 5.17.14.)
Purple Phoenix Games (2266 KP) rated TEN in Tabletop Games
Nov 28, 2021
When it comes to game mechanics, set collection is my JAM. Auction/bidding and push your luck, not so much….. So when Alderac Entertainment Group brought TEN into my life, I was a bit wary at first. A game of collecting sequences/sets of numbers? Awesome!! Add in bidding for Wildcards or pushing your luck to not Bust each turn? A bit too risky, at least for my gaming tastes. After having had the opportunity to play TEN, were my initial feelings misplaced? Spoiler: Yes. For me, TEN was a prime example of “Don’t judge a game by its mechanics.” Keep reading to find out why.
Disclaimer: We were provided with a copy of TEN for the purposes of this review. This is a final production copy, so what you see pictured is what you would receive in a retail copy of the game. -L
TEN is a push-your-luck game of set collection and auction/bidding in which players are trying to amass the most points by the end of the game. Points are earned by collecting sets of numeric sequences in the 4 colors of the game: Blue, Green, Pink, and Orange. Played over a series of turns, players will be drawing/collecting cards from the tableau, buying cards from the Market, or Busting if they push their luck a bit too far. To setup for a game, assemble the deck of cards as dictated by the player count and set it in the play area. Each player gets 5 Currency tokens with which to start the game, and are all dealt a random reference card. The player who was dealt the reference card with the Starting Player symbol will begin the game. Before getting into the actual gameplay, I want to mention the different card types, as to provide a better understanding when reading this review. In each of the 4 colors, there are card values numbered 1-9, with more copies of the lower numbers and fewer of the higher numbers. There are also Wildcards that can be used to represent any #/color, depending on the card. Some cards in the deck are Currency cards and show a value of 1-5 Currency. Should you choose to take these from the tableau, you collect that amount of Currency to be used for auctions or buying cards in later turns.
On your turn, you will perform a series of actions, the first of which is Draw a Card. You will draw a card from the top of the deck and place it in the tableau. If the card is a # card or a Currency card, you will then decide if you wish to continue drawing cards. If you do, draw the next card, and so on, until either you decide to stop or you Bust (more on this in a bit). As long as you do not Bust, you can decide when to stop drawing cards to the tableau. You may then take one of the following rewards: take all the # cards to your play area, or take Currency tokens (equal to the amount shown on the Currency cards in the tableau). When you take the # cards, they go into your play area and all other players will collect Currency tokens. You then have the opportunity to Buy a card from the Market (by paying the numeric value of the card) and add it to your play area. If you instead choose to collect Currency, you will take Currency equal to the total value of Currency in the tableau, and all other players receive nothing from your turn. All # cards are moved to the Market, and your turn ends. In the picture below, if I choose to take the # cards, I would take the Orange 2 and Blue 6 to my play area, and all other players would collect 7 Currency. Conversely, I could choose to take 7 Currency, and the # cards are added to the Market (on the right-hand side of the picture).
So how does Busting work? The tableau may never have a value of more than 10. Every # card you draw adds to your total value, and any Currency card drawn subtracts from the total. If you were to draw a # card that would give you a total value of more than 10, you Bust! OR if you ever have Currency cards that total more than 10, you Bust as well. So there’s a bit of math involved, with addition and subtraction, but you have to make sure you never get more than 10! For example, in the picture below, the net total value of the tableau is 1. (8 from # cards, -7 from Currency cards) If I were to draw a Currency card of 4-5, I would Bust, because that totals more than 10. In this pictured instance, any # card I draw would not make me Bust, as the highest total would only be a 10, given the current cards in play. If you ever push your luck too far and end up Busting, all # cards in the tableau are moved to the Market, and you gain a Bust token (worth 3 Currency). If you Busted with # cards, then all other players will collect Currency tokens, but if you Bust with Currency cards, nobody receives anything. After resolving a Bust, your turn ends and the game continues to the next player.
If, on your turn, you ever draw a Wildcard, your turn pauses and the Wildcard is auctioned. Each player will have one chance to either bid (increasing the bid from the previous) or pass. Whomever wins the auction must pay their bid, and they collect the Wildcard to their play area. Once the auction has been resolved, your turn continues as normal. It is possible to have multiple auctions on your turn – it all depends on the cards. The game continues in this fashion, players taking turns drawing cards, collecting cards/Currency, buying from the Market, bidding in auctions, etc., until the draw deck has been depleted. The active player finishes their turn as normal, but may not draw any more cards. Points are then tallied. All players will arrange their cards to create consecutive sequences of numbers in the 4 different colors. You receive 1 point per card in your longest sequence of each color. If you have a complete set of numbers 1-9 in a color, you get a bonus point. Players count up all their points, and the player with the highest value is the winner!
That kind of seems like a lot, but I promise it’s actually pretty intuitive when you get playing. Also, huge shoutout to AEG for providing such a well-done reference card – it includes a little flowchart to help you with how the turns flow. The gameplay itself is essentially pretty straightforward. You draw a card, and then react based on what it is. Bust? Collect a Bust token and your turn ends. No Bust? Decide if you want to keep drawing. Done pushing your luck? Collect either the # cards or Currency. Try to make sequential runs of numbers in the different colors – the more cards you get in sequence, the more points you’ll get at the end of the game. The thing that elevates TEN beyond a simple push-your-luck game to me is that it requires more strategy than just luck. You can see what cards are available in the Market – is there something you need to buy? You can see everyone else’s playing area – do they need any of the numbers you just revealed? You know how much Currency every player has – do you bid high on this Wildcard because your neighbor can’t outbid you? There is so much more than just luck in this game, and that is what takes it to the next level for me. I know that Travis has reviewed No, Thanks! in the past, and I would say that this gives me similar vibes, but way better in my opinion.
When it comes to playing games, I am generally not a huge risk-taker. I like making logical choices based on known information and end-game strategy. But something about this game just gets me. I think one element that makes me love this game is the different types of cards – # cards and Currency cards. When you’re pushing your luck and drawing cards, there’s an added element of excitement, because the two different types of cards affect the net total differently. It doesn’t all positively add to the net total, which makes me more likely to keep drawing in hopes that things will cancel out and I can maximize the turn. If everything all added together, and you just couldn’t get more than 10, I would probably only ever draw 2 cards per turn, max., just to make sure I didn’t Bust. But the fact that Currency cards subtract from the net total encourages players to keep pushing their luck, and either earning a big payoff or a big Bust. This game is exciting, engaging, and entertaining to play, and that makes it fun!
To touch on components, AEG always hits it out of the park – and TEN is no exception. The game is mostly just a bunch of cards, and some white/black Currency tokens. The tokens themselves are nice plastic, and are smooth and chunky in hand. The cards are thick and sturdy, and hold up to shuffling pretty well. The colors of the game are bright and vibrant, and they are very clear to differentiate between. It’s a nice pop of color on the table, and that adds to the overall enjoyment of the game. Each of the 4 colors, and the Wildcards for that matter, have a unique background design – which can help our colorblind friends who may not necessarily be able to differentiate between the colors. Just an added plus to help the gamers tell what cards belong to what colors! The game box is equally as colorful, and is eye-catching on the shelf. All in all, I’d say AEG gets a 10 for their production quality here. (Get it?)
I spoke earlier about judging a game by its mechanics, and how TEN really challenged me on that. I was expecting a game that I would like, but would be kind of just ok overall for me. What I got is a game that is highly strategic, yet also unpredictable at times. I am definitely a planner when it comes to strategy, but the unpredictability of this game is light, fun, and engaging for all players at all times. It just is fun to play. This is a game that I see staying in my collection for a long time, and hopefully getting to the table quite often when I need a quick filler that isn’t so light that it’s mindless, but not heavy enough that it’s a brain-burner. If you’re in the market for a fun little game that challenges all players, I would definitely recommend checking out TEN. Purple Phoenix Games rates our games on a scale of 1-6 (not 10 unfortunately in this case), and we give this one a solid 5 / 6.
Disclaimer: We were provided with a copy of TEN for the purposes of this review. This is a final production copy, so what you see pictured is what you would receive in a retail copy of the game. -L
TEN is a push-your-luck game of set collection and auction/bidding in which players are trying to amass the most points by the end of the game. Points are earned by collecting sets of numeric sequences in the 4 colors of the game: Blue, Green, Pink, and Orange. Played over a series of turns, players will be drawing/collecting cards from the tableau, buying cards from the Market, or Busting if they push their luck a bit too far. To setup for a game, assemble the deck of cards as dictated by the player count and set it in the play area. Each player gets 5 Currency tokens with which to start the game, and are all dealt a random reference card. The player who was dealt the reference card with the Starting Player symbol will begin the game. Before getting into the actual gameplay, I want to mention the different card types, as to provide a better understanding when reading this review. In each of the 4 colors, there are card values numbered 1-9, with more copies of the lower numbers and fewer of the higher numbers. There are also Wildcards that can be used to represent any #/color, depending on the card. Some cards in the deck are Currency cards and show a value of 1-5 Currency. Should you choose to take these from the tableau, you collect that amount of Currency to be used for auctions or buying cards in later turns.
On your turn, you will perform a series of actions, the first of which is Draw a Card. You will draw a card from the top of the deck and place it in the tableau. If the card is a # card or a Currency card, you will then decide if you wish to continue drawing cards. If you do, draw the next card, and so on, until either you decide to stop or you Bust (more on this in a bit). As long as you do not Bust, you can decide when to stop drawing cards to the tableau. You may then take one of the following rewards: take all the # cards to your play area, or take Currency tokens (equal to the amount shown on the Currency cards in the tableau). When you take the # cards, they go into your play area and all other players will collect Currency tokens. You then have the opportunity to Buy a card from the Market (by paying the numeric value of the card) and add it to your play area. If you instead choose to collect Currency, you will take Currency equal to the total value of Currency in the tableau, and all other players receive nothing from your turn. All # cards are moved to the Market, and your turn ends. In the picture below, if I choose to take the # cards, I would take the Orange 2 and Blue 6 to my play area, and all other players would collect 7 Currency. Conversely, I could choose to take 7 Currency, and the # cards are added to the Market (on the right-hand side of the picture).
So how does Busting work? The tableau may never have a value of more than 10. Every # card you draw adds to your total value, and any Currency card drawn subtracts from the total. If you were to draw a # card that would give you a total value of more than 10, you Bust! OR if you ever have Currency cards that total more than 10, you Bust as well. So there’s a bit of math involved, with addition and subtraction, but you have to make sure you never get more than 10! For example, in the picture below, the net total value of the tableau is 1. (8 from # cards, -7 from Currency cards) If I were to draw a Currency card of 4-5, I would Bust, because that totals more than 10. In this pictured instance, any # card I draw would not make me Bust, as the highest total would only be a 10, given the current cards in play. If you ever push your luck too far and end up Busting, all # cards in the tableau are moved to the Market, and you gain a Bust token (worth 3 Currency). If you Busted with # cards, then all other players will collect Currency tokens, but if you Bust with Currency cards, nobody receives anything. After resolving a Bust, your turn ends and the game continues to the next player.
If, on your turn, you ever draw a Wildcard, your turn pauses and the Wildcard is auctioned. Each player will have one chance to either bid (increasing the bid from the previous) or pass. Whomever wins the auction must pay their bid, and they collect the Wildcard to their play area. Once the auction has been resolved, your turn continues as normal. It is possible to have multiple auctions on your turn – it all depends on the cards. The game continues in this fashion, players taking turns drawing cards, collecting cards/Currency, buying from the Market, bidding in auctions, etc., until the draw deck has been depleted. The active player finishes their turn as normal, but may not draw any more cards. Points are then tallied. All players will arrange their cards to create consecutive sequences of numbers in the 4 different colors. You receive 1 point per card in your longest sequence of each color. If you have a complete set of numbers 1-9 in a color, you get a bonus point. Players count up all their points, and the player with the highest value is the winner!
That kind of seems like a lot, but I promise it’s actually pretty intuitive when you get playing. Also, huge shoutout to AEG for providing such a well-done reference card – it includes a little flowchart to help you with how the turns flow. The gameplay itself is essentially pretty straightforward. You draw a card, and then react based on what it is. Bust? Collect a Bust token and your turn ends. No Bust? Decide if you want to keep drawing. Done pushing your luck? Collect either the # cards or Currency. Try to make sequential runs of numbers in the different colors – the more cards you get in sequence, the more points you’ll get at the end of the game. The thing that elevates TEN beyond a simple push-your-luck game to me is that it requires more strategy than just luck. You can see what cards are available in the Market – is there something you need to buy? You can see everyone else’s playing area – do they need any of the numbers you just revealed? You know how much Currency every player has – do you bid high on this Wildcard because your neighbor can’t outbid you? There is so much more than just luck in this game, and that is what takes it to the next level for me. I know that Travis has reviewed No, Thanks! in the past, and I would say that this gives me similar vibes, but way better in my opinion.
When it comes to playing games, I am generally not a huge risk-taker. I like making logical choices based on known information and end-game strategy. But something about this game just gets me. I think one element that makes me love this game is the different types of cards – # cards and Currency cards. When you’re pushing your luck and drawing cards, there’s an added element of excitement, because the two different types of cards affect the net total differently. It doesn’t all positively add to the net total, which makes me more likely to keep drawing in hopes that things will cancel out and I can maximize the turn. If everything all added together, and you just couldn’t get more than 10, I would probably only ever draw 2 cards per turn, max., just to make sure I didn’t Bust. But the fact that Currency cards subtract from the net total encourages players to keep pushing their luck, and either earning a big payoff or a big Bust. This game is exciting, engaging, and entertaining to play, and that makes it fun!
To touch on components, AEG always hits it out of the park – and TEN is no exception. The game is mostly just a bunch of cards, and some white/black Currency tokens. The tokens themselves are nice plastic, and are smooth and chunky in hand. The cards are thick and sturdy, and hold up to shuffling pretty well. The colors of the game are bright and vibrant, and they are very clear to differentiate between. It’s a nice pop of color on the table, and that adds to the overall enjoyment of the game. Each of the 4 colors, and the Wildcards for that matter, have a unique background design – which can help our colorblind friends who may not necessarily be able to differentiate between the colors. Just an added plus to help the gamers tell what cards belong to what colors! The game box is equally as colorful, and is eye-catching on the shelf. All in all, I’d say AEG gets a 10 for their production quality here. (Get it?)
I spoke earlier about judging a game by its mechanics, and how TEN really challenged me on that. I was expecting a game that I would like, but would be kind of just ok overall for me. What I got is a game that is highly strategic, yet also unpredictable at times. I am definitely a planner when it comes to strategy, but the unpredictability of this game is light, fun, and engaging for all players at all times. It just is fun to play. This is a game that I see staying in my collection for a long time, and hopefully getting to the table quite often when I need a quick filler that isn’t so light that it’s mindless, but not heavy enough that it’s a brain-burner. If you’re in the market for a fun little game that challenges all players, I would definitely recommend checking out TEN. Purple Phoenix Games rates our games on a scale of 1-6 (not 10 unfortunately in this case), and we give this one a solid 5 / 6.
