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Hellboy (2019)
Hellboy (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Trivia question for you…what does an immortal evil queen, King Arthur, Nazis and a boy born from Hell itself have in common? If you answered Hellboy you win a prize. The prize is going to the theater and watching the film and whether it’s a prize worth winning is something you’ll have to decide for yourself. I’m getting a bit ahead of myself though, so let’s rewind a bit and start at the beginning.

Hellboy (David Harbour) is a demon from Hell (hence the name), his backstory as we learn early on in the movie is pretty standard fare. The Nazi’s are on the verge of losing World War II and in a desperate move to turn the tide call upon the evil sorcerer Rasputin to call upon the depths of Hell and raise a champion who will fight for them. The incantation is interrupted when famous Nazi hunter Lobster Johnson (Thomas Haden Church) goes in with guns blazing, as other allied troops join the fray. Their relief at stopping the incantation is short-lived as the alter opens and a young demon climbs through. Professor Broom who had infiltrated the Nazi team had been brought in to put down any evil that was successfully summoned. Upon seeing the young demon, Professor Broom (for reasons known only to him at the time) decides not to kill him, but to take him in and raise him as his own.

Flash forward to present day, and Hellboy as we now know him alongside his father are members of the B.P.R.D (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense). On a mission to defeat some giants that are roaming the countryside in England they stumble upon an ancient evil that dark forces are trying to retrieve. It seems back in the dark ages a war between humans and monsters was being waged. Seeing no end to the violence King Arthur (Mark Stanley) and his faithful wizard Merlin (Brian Gleeson) offer to surrender to The Blood Queen (Milla Jovovich). On top the hill where the surrender is to take place, the Blood Queen is betrayed by one of her own and King Arthur, using the infamous blade Excalibur, cut the Blood Queen into several parts. While she can’t be killed, she can be contained and each of her body parts are placed in separate boxes. These boxes are then sealed with holy water that only a holy man can unlock and are sent to the farthest corners of England. If the Blood Queen ever returns, she will release a plague that will not only destroy England but spread across the entire world. Thus, sets the stage for Hellboy.

Being a fan of the previous movies and in particular the portrayal of Hellboy by Ron Pearlman, I wasn’t sure how to feel about David Harbour in this role. It’s always a bit hit or miss when a series is rebooted, and I was pleasantly surprised with how David Harbour stepped up and into the role. While he doesn’t have the same menacing size and gruffness that Ron Pearlman possesses, it didn’t take me long to adjust to this new version. He is joined by a strong supporting cast consisting of Sasha Lane as his ghost whispering friend Alice and Ben Daimo as an MI-11 agent weary of teaming up with a monster. Milla Jovovich does an outstanding job as the Blood Queen and her fairy-pig friend portrayed by Stephen Graham and Douglas Tait.

Visually the movie is stunning, with the numerous monsters and fairy creatures coming to life before your eyes. The movie is exceptionally gory as one might expect, with numerous limb dismemberments, decapitations, and more blood than anyone would expect to erupt from such wounds. It’s over-the-top and meant to be that way which tended to bring some uncomfortable laughter at times from those around me. Having recently played Mortal Kombat 11, I couldn’t help but feel that some of the fatality screens in that game would have felt right at home in this movie.

Story is where I feel Hellboy falls a bit flat. There are so many characters and side stories going on that it’s easy to get lost in it. From my description above, you can see that it includes King Arthur, Rasputin, Nazis, Secret Societies, Witches that eat children, monsters…and that’s only in the first half of the movie. There is a ton going on and there are a lot of disconnects. While trying to avoid spoilers, there is a part in the film where Hellboy is talking to Baba Yaga (see another character reference), and after tricking her she places a curse on him. I’m still trying to figure out if the curse she placed on him occurred in the movie or not. In fact, I’m trying to figure out exactly what the point of that scene was. It’s not a bad story, but it tries to pack in a TON of references in its brief hour and forty five-ish minutes.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never read any of the Hellboy graphic novels, I have seen both of the previous films, so I had a little bit of background going into this movie. I don’t know if all the references in the movie are pivotal to the novels or not. You certainly don’t have to have read them or seen the previous movies to appreciate this one, I just wonder if they tried to fit in too many Hellboy references into one film. Hellboy is an enjoyable ride, and it certainly doesn’t drag at all, in fact I was surprised at how quickly it was over. With all that being said, it’s a fun action-packed movie, with lots of gratuitous violence if that’s your thing. I certainly wouldn’t recommend taking your children to see it, violence aside, I just think there is way too much going on and it can be difficult to follow. Oh, and don’t forget to stay through the credits for the end credit scene. It’s not pivotal to the movie, but worth waiting around for.
  
Annabelle Comes Home (2019)
Annabelle Comes Home (2019)
2019 | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
Not The Best In The Series But Entertains
One of the most intriguing yet often exaggerated lines in movie history is “based on actual events”. I’ve always had a fascination with supernatural thrillers that came with this tag line, whether it’s a movie like Amityville Horror or The Exorcism of Emily Rose. None of these are more popular than The Conjuring series, based on two real life demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren. Whether you believe in ghosts and haunted houses or not, these films always played on the notion that the events “could” possibly happen…even if they were exaggerated for Hollywood audiences. Annabelle Comes Home breaks the trend of previous Conjuring movies by not bothering to pretend that it’s based on any of the “actual” events from the previous films. So how does it stack up to its predecessors?

The movie begins with Ed and Lorraine Warren retrieving Annabelle and taking the scary doll home to lock her away in the now infamous artifact room. The dolls presence is so evil, that it takes not only blessings by a priest but being locked away in a case made up of glass from an old church to keep it’s evil at bay. Not only is the display case locked, but a sign is placed upon it, warning any who may enter not to release the doll within. Several pad locks later the Warrens feel comfortable that the evil within is contained.

A year passes and both Ed and Lorraine are called away on business, entrusting the care of their young daughter Judy (McKenna Grace) to her responsible babysitter Mary Ellen (Madison Iseman). Mary Ellen’s friend Daniela (Katie Sarife) blackmails Mary Ellen into allowing her to come over and stay with her and Judy in the Warren’s household. Using an opportunity when both Judy and Mary Ellen are out of the house, Daniela finds the artifact room (and the keys necessary to open it), and what at first appears to be idle curiosity, quickly turns into an attempt to utilize the artifacts in the room to reach out to her recently deceased father. It is in this attempt that Daniela unknowingly releases the evil in the room when she opens the case that Annabelle is in (it’s not like there was a BIG sign warning her not to do so).

Annabelle in her search for a soul, releases the full power and evil of all the artifacts in the room. Everything from an empty suit of Samurai armor to a wedding dress the drives the wearer insane is on display. Even a werewolf is released upon the world hunting an unwary suitor of Mary Ellen’s who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s up to this band of babysitters and children to restore order to the house and find a way to contain the evil that has been brought upon the world.

Annabelle Comes Home starts out fairly slow and takes awhile to build the tension. The first hour of the movie is mainly the interaction between the family and friends, and introductions to the various artifacts that are in the room. It’s not until the second half of the film when things really begin to take off. When the movie finally hits its creepy stride, it has plenty of genuine scares and intense moments, but focuses on several of the iconic artifacts and their affect on the individuals in the house.

While each of the artifacts has its own unique and interesting characteristics, we are hit with a barrage of items that are each going after one of the guests in the house. Whether it’s the television that can predict the future, or the locket that allows communication with the dead, it’s a lot to keep track of and tends to lose focus on the main plot. The movie attempts to cram every noticeable item from its previous films and give it some main purpose in the plot. In fact, the creepiest of all the artifacts Annabelle, takes on the role of evil puppet master controlling the artifacts which means less screen time and scares for her. Personally, Annabelle is scary enough to carry her own film (she has in previous installments), but in this film she is relegated to a side character, where the haunted artifacts take center stage.
The area I feel the movie loses the most is in the “believability” state. Remember that the Conjuring universe is based on real people, and on their actual encounters. Unfortunately, at no point in this film does one believe that any of these supernatural events could be mistaken for reality. It’s what I feel is the difference between a supernatural thriller and simply a monster movie. Much like other supernatural films, it’s about what you don’t see, rather than what you do, and Annabelle Comes Home unfortunately relies too much on its visuals leaving little to the viewers imagination. Imagining what a demon could look like is scarier than what Hollywood can dream up and show on the screen.

Ultimately Annabelle Comes home is a good movie which should have been great. It forgoes much of what made the series popular and replaces it with some goofy scenes and special effects. The artifacts are interesting, which makes the movie enjoyable, but not scary. I went in with hopes that I’d leave at least a little unnerved, looking under my covers, or turning the numerous dolls around that adorn my wife’s doll room. Unfortunately, I left feeling as though I’d simply been given a tour of the artifact room, with one night of scares that would disappear the next morning, as if from a bad dream. If you are looking to be scared, this movie likely won’t do that. If you are looking for an interesting movie with deeper background into the artifacts that have adorned the Warrens room for the past films, then this is the film for you.

3 out of 5 stars

http://sknr.net/2019/06/20/annabelle-comes-home/
  
Beauty and The Beast
Beauty and The Beast
6
6.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Princess Callindra of Tempath is in for some trouble when she runs aways from her mother’s castle and gets kidnapped by a vampire demon who will sell her into slavery. Her only hope out of there is with the help of a mysterious and hairy demon named Brigg, who is not in the least happy to be helping a human. He has hated humans ever since his father was cursed by a human woman, who turned all of them into hairy beasts for life. But he was drawn to this woman, as vexing as she could be. Every part of him was drawn to her and yearned to protect her and make her his. His inner demon was sure that she was his mate. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? How could he have a human for a mate?

I’m a huge sucker for Beauty and Beast stories, as you probably know if you’ve read some of my other reviews. Seriously. You can win some girls over with chocolate and others over with hugs and kisses, but nothing does it for me like an insecure love interest and a woman who’s his salvation because of her unconditional love. (Okay, maybe I’m a little high maintenance). So of course I loved this story! Brigg was wonderfully sweet and conflicted, even though he needs to stop listening to his idiot brother. Cally is a fantastic damsel in distress even though sometimes she just needs to think of the obvious and frickin’ tell someone she doesn’t want to go back home because her mother’s a bitch and she’s part demon. But you know, aside from that, the characters are great.

It’s totally understandable why Brigg dislikes humans. I mean, the only real exposure he had of them was from Cally’s mom, who cursed him and his brother to be hairy beasts instead of the handsome, practically human-looking demons they really were. Frankly, I’d be pissed too. I also understand his confusion when he falls himself falling for Cally when he thinks she’s completely human, and the daughter of a crazy witch/queen to boot. Nevertheless, he still protects her. He saves her from slavery, risking the wrath of her kidnapper to do it, and he keeps her safe. He does this even though he doesn’t think she could ever love him in return.

She was a vision, an image plucked right from his dreams. Maybe a time– before the curse– he had imagined such a beauty being his…. But he was no longer that young Rain demon, that young demon with smooth skin and a face as human as hers. He was a beast, an ugly monster who didn’t deserve the look of interest Cally was flashing right now.

What can I say? I love the insecurities. They are as sexy as hell when done right.

But even though his intentions are good, Brigg is not the smartest demon in the hellhole. As soon as his brother Torc enters the scene, it takes Brigg all of two minutes to decide that Cally has placed a spell on him to use him to get home. This would make sense, except by this point both Brigg and Cally were safe. In a palace. As the guests of a prince. Who was giving her a lift home. She would need to continue on with the spell and the act because…. ?

Like I said, not that fast of a thinker. But Cally isn’t much better. More than anything she wants to avoid her old home, with her abusive mother who was going to put her into an arranged marriage which would only end badly for Cally. Now she’s in an impenetrable palace that’s owned by Sam, who has been nothing but kind to her. He thinks he’s still being kind when he arranges for her ride home. And Cally doesn’t bother to tell him she doesn’t want to go home! Clearly, she’s just being melodramatic. She’s not that desperate.

She had thought about telling Sam, considered asking for his help, but she had been such a burden since Brigg rescued her, Call was frightened of rejection.



You think Sam’s rejection is going to be worse than having your horns filed off again before getting married to a prince that will likely torture you for the rest of your life when he finds out you’re a demon. Clearly, you don’t have your priorities straight.

But seriously, I loved the characters! I’m telling you, it’s Beauty and the Beast! My standards might be a tad low with this story arc.

There was a lot of confusing things in the plot as well. Like what era does this take place in? Cally rides home in a carriage and Brigg and Torc use swords. But Cally also wears t-shirts and jeans and she uses an electric torch, aka flashlight. It’s difficult enough to learn all of the nooks and crannies of the world the author built. There shouldn’t be confusion like flashlights with swords as well. Also, I felt like there was a lot of potential for a longer, more developed story. The whole thing felt very short to me. We never find out why Brigg’s father got cursed to begin with, and I’d love to know more about Brigg’s past, like how did he go crazy and get everyone to be afraid of him? That was never explained. Also, I know it’s unlikely, but I really wished there was some confirmation that Brigg and Cally are not brother and sister. After all, we know Cally’s mom has a past with Brigg’s father, Cally’s own father is MIA, and her horns are the same color as Brigg’s. Probably not anything, but just enough to make me wonder.

I don’t know. I liked this story enough to read it twice– that’s a huge compliment from me– but after reading it a second time and writing this review I’m wondering how good it really was. Maybe I just read it at the right time but didn’t like it as much. I don’t know. So three out of five stars on this one?
  
The Suicide Squad (2021)
The Suicide Squad (2021)
2021 | Action, Comedy, Crime
Its adult humor is also incredibly poignant (2 more)
Blood and gore is Troma levels of insanity
King Shark and Polka Dot Man
Not as fun on repeat viewings (1 more)
Is a little too similar to Guardians of the Galaxy
I'm a Motherf@#$ing Superhero!
You could probably get away with calling James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad an R-rated version of Guardians of the Galaxy, but it isn’t entirely fair or correct. It’s a complicated comparison much like Gunn’s status with Marvel Studios that allowed him to make the film in the first place and whether or not The Suicide Squad is a sequel or a reboot to David Ayer’s 2016 film.

Gunn has always had a knack for getting gory or gross or raunchy if the opportunity presented itself. The Suicide Squad almost feels like a clean, strike that, blood-splattered slate for the filmmaker. Gunn had complete creative control while making The Suicide Squad and it shows; not only in its graphic content and excessive vulgarity, but also in the characters Gunn chose to be in the film. Nearly everyone has been replaced from the previous Suicide Squad film except for Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney), Colonel Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman), Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), and Amanda Waller (Viola Davis). The new characters are mostly unknown or barely known villains, which makes the fact that nearly all of them are expendable all the more intriguing.

While Guardians of the Galaxy and The Suicide Squad are two different films, there are some undeniable similarities. The cast of The Suicide Squad is insanely stacked, but you have to know by now that three quarters of these characters die in horribly gruesome ways. Witnessing who lives and who dies is half the fun of the film, so that won’t be spoiled here. But The Suicide Squad has a team of five characters that are grouped together and featured more than anyone else. It’s a lot like how Guardians began with Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot. These five characters also end up being the ones you love the most.

Gunn also has a thing for taking a group of assholes and giving them meaning. In the tenth season of South Park, Eric Cartman meets Bart Simpson face to face. Bart has always been a troublemaker and a prankster, but Cartman ground up Scott Tenorman’s parents, slapped that ground parent meat in some chili, and made Scott eat his own parents. The comparison between Guardians and The Suicide Squad is a lot like the difference between Bart Simpson and Eric Cartman. The Suicide Squad features straight up murderers, demented psychopaths, and whatever the hell Weasel is.

Not unlike his other comic book film work though, Gunn typically takes what would be unlikable characters on their own and finds a purpose for them once they’re with other outcasts that they can relate to. There is a ton of heart in The Suicide Squad. You fall in love with King Shark because he’s trying to read books upside down and use one of his fingers as mustache as a brilliant disguise, but you don’t feel for him until he reveals that he’s never had a friend. Sebastian, Ratcatcher II’s go-to rat, is adorable because he waves at, offers leaves to, and flocks toward Bloodsport even though he’s afraid of rats. There’s still this camaraderie in The Suicide Squad. It may be broken and gory, but it’s still camaraderie.

There are some unusual choices that Gunn made with The Suicide Squad though. They originally wanted Will Smith to come back as Deadshot, but supposedly cast Idris Elba to replace Smith in the role. Then they backtracked and made Elba Bloodsport. The odd thing is that both Bloodsport and Peacemaker are exactly the same as Deadshot. Peacemaker seems to be a bit crazier, but both characters have a thing for making anything a weapon in their hands and having precise aim. Bloodsport is even doing everything in the film for the sake of his daughter. It gives Warner Bros a chance to bring Smith back as Deadshot down the line, but having all three characters in the same film would be serious overkill.

Harley Quinn’s action sequences in The Suicide Squad are better and more satisfying than anything Margot Robbie has done with the role. Polka Dot Man is low-key the coolest character of the film despite seeing his mom in every person that he meets. Many will likely point to the blood, the gore, and all of the F-bombs shouted mostly among teammates as Gunn cleansing his Marvel/Disney palette so to speak. However, the major difference is Starro. Starro is a giant blue and purple starfish with an eyeball in the middle of his body. He is essentially a kaiju, but he shoots miniature versions of himself out of his armpits which latch onto people’s faces, kills them, and turns their corpses into zombie-like slaves that do his bidding; all while Starro gets bigger and bigger in the process. The abridged version of this starfish heavy explanation is that Starro is fucking terrifying. The entire world is basically on the verge of bowing down to a Godzilla sized starfish that has the ability to shoot armies of himself out of his Goddamn armpits! The MCU featuring a monster or creature of any kind that is that scary is slim to none.

The Suicide Squad is an uproarious extravaganza filled with grotesque nom-noms, full-on naked dick shots, and John Cena in tighty-whities and it’s is the most fun you’ll have with an R-rated comic book film in a theater (or at home with HBO Max) since Deadpool. It’s the first comic book film to come along in a good long while that’s charming because of how weird it is. As a final note, stay/watch after the credits. James Gunn and John Cena are doing an 8-episode Peacemaker TV series for HBO Max due sometime in 2022, so that may or may not be teased in some capacity.
  
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Mothergamer (1536 KP) rated the PlayStation 3 version of Catherine in Video Games

Apr 3, 2019  
Catherine
Catherine
Action/Adventure
First of all, let me say that while I know a lot of you love Atlus games as much as I do, Catherine is not a typical video game. In fact, it is a sliding block puzzle game with a great story woven in. If you're not big on puzzle games, Catherine may not be the video game for you. However, if you genuinely enjoy challenging puzzles and are a puzzle game addict like myself, Catherine definitely gives you your money's worth.

 Catherine is much more than a puzzle game however. The story is definitely what brings everything together. It addresses adult situations, things that people go through or suffer such as, fear of commitment, infidelity, and about how some people are childish and won't take responsibility for their actions. It's a unique title and simply an adult video game because it involves adult situations and the issues we have as we get older.
 The story centers around Vincent Brooks who has a girlfriend by the name of Katherine. They're both in their early thirties and Katherine's biological clock is ticking which she hints at to him by telling him her mother has asked where the relationship is going. Vincent isn't sure he's ready for that level of commitment yet and says as much to his buddies he hangs out with at the local bar.
 One night while hanging out at the bar mulling over a sliding block nightmare he had the night before, he runs into a beautiful blonde bombshell by the name of Catherine. Apparently after blacking out, he wakes up after another nightmare to find that she has spent the night. Of course, Vincent freaks out completely. Now, Vincent has to make a choice between lust and love, have good times with Catherine or finally make a commitment to Katherine.
 Vincent's nightmares continue and even worse, people actually seem to be dying in them.Healthy men in their twenties and thirties are found dead in their beds and there seems to be no reason for it. A rumor goes around that it is a woman cursing all these men for being unfaithful. Is the rumor true? Vincent has to find out, climbing for his life one nightmare at a time.

Vincent Brooks In His Nightmare

 Vincent's nightmares are the heart and soul of the puzzle sections. Every night, he wakes up surrounded by sheep, with horns growing out of his head and a voice taunting him to come up. There are items along the way that help you with the puzzles, but many obstacles as well involving sheep that are trying to climb also as the world crumbles behind them. You have a reason to climb, survival and the inner demons Vincent is struggling with. If you don't climb, you die. One example of this is, there's a giant monster version of Vincent's girlfriend Katherine, trying to grab him and smash the heck out of him. If Vincent's not quick enough to climb all those blocks to the top, he will surely die.
 Every night, there's a different puzzle with each nightmare and depending on how quickly you get to the top and how many points you get, you can win gold, silver, or bronze trophies. The complexity of the puzzles is very interesting and the story is well written and captures your attention perfectly. It sounds silly, but you actually feel a sense of accomplishment when you have figured out a rather difficult puzzle.




Solve The Puzzle Or Die Trying







 This brings up the next point. Some of the puzzles in Catherine will make you want to punch every living thing in your path. The difficulty level is excruciatingly high on a variety of them. There's no shame in playing a game on the Easy level. I know I will try a game on Easy first, to get a feel for the controls, to see how well the game plays, and to have a chance to genuinely enjoy the story that is being told. Then I will play again working on all the achievements and trophies, and improving my game scores. This is what I did with Catherine and some of those puzzles made me want to punch whoever designed it right in the face. A challenge is all well and good and definitely in a puzzle game, but when the game is on the Easy setting and it's still making you weep bitter tears of defeat, that is a big problem. Don't believe me? Apparently the difficulty level was such a destroyer of worlds, that the Japanese gamers complained about it. Frankly, that said quite a lot to me about how high Atlus raised the bar on these puzzles. The complaints were so many, that Atlus promised to put a patch in that would make the game much less difficult on Easy. I do understand their reasoning that they wanted the game to be challenging, so that players could reap huge rewards when they solved a puzzle, but the Easy setting in a game should be just that, easy and not throw people into the deep end with a sink or swim attitude. That's what the Hard and Nightmare settings are for.
 However, there is hope! There is a secret trick to get to a Very Easy mode. It's a secret that Atlus put in to make the game a cake walk for players. When you access the main menu of the game, highlight Golden Playhouse and hold the back or select button for a few seconds. The screen will flash with a prompt telling you Very Easy mode has been activated. From there, the puzzles are much easier, and you can actually enjoy the story without those resentful feelings and frustration. It is a nice touch, and I give kudos to Atlus for caring enough about fans of their games to put it in there, because they do want people to enjoy the game.
 Overalll, the game is great. The story is well thought out and acted out well with a great voice cast. There are also interesting characters that Vincent meets in the bar and can talk to, even help them with their issues. There is also a fun mini game in Catherine, called Rapunzel that is a sliding block puzzle game also that gives you pretty good rewards when you beat all the levels, along with opportunities to unlock music from various Atlus games and the Catherine game to play on the jukebox in the bar.
 I have always loved the artwork in Atlus video games and Catherine is no exception. Right down to the animated short cut scenes, everything is colorful, seamless, and you really appreciate how everything ties together. The music, the voice cast, and the game play all mesh into a fantastic video game. Catherine is definitely a game worth having in any gaming enthusiast's collection and absolutely worth playing more than once.
  
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
2018 | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
A bold new era
“We’re not on an island anymore” barks Chris Pratt’s Owen Grady towards the finale of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. And he’s not wrong, the fifth film in the Jurassic franchise says goodbye to Isla Nublar in rip-roaring fashion, transforming itself into a a family friendly gothic horror film in its last hour.

Ok, ok, let’s start from the beginning. The Jurassic franchise has often been criticised for relying too heavily on the same story points to make a film. 2015’s Jurassic World, whilst becoming one of the highest-grossing films of all time, was lambasted for being a modern-day reimagining of 1993’s classic, Jurassic Park. And while some of that criticism was justified, it was still pure sugary, popcorn entertainment.

Now, three years later, director J.A. Bayona (The Impossible, A Monster Calls) takes over from Colin Trevorrow to bring us a film that starts out like we expect, but ends on a note that will transform the series beyond recognition. The question is, does it actually work?

Three years after the destruction of the Jurassic World theme park, Owen Grady (Pratt) and Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) return to the island of Isla Nublar to save the remaining dinosaurs from a volcano that’s about to erupt. They soon encounter terrifying new breeds of gigantic dinos while uncovering a conspiracy that threatens the entire planet and our own existence.

Fallen Kingdom begins with a pre-title card sequence situated in the lagoon of Isla Nublar that is up there with the best in the series. J.A. Bayona masterfully uses light and shadow to create a really compelling opening that is sure to be one of the summer’s best action scenes. And that is a trait that is brought to the rest of the film. Fallen Kingdom is absolutely beautiful.

The cinematography is exquisite and much better than the staid filming style of Bayona’s predecessor. There are scenes throughout this film that feel like they could be pulled straight from the screen and hung in your living room: it’s gorgeous.

Despite Bayona’s inexperience at creating a juggernaut film like this, his previous films are felt throughout. There’s a deep, earthy colour palatte that is the polar opposite of what we saw in Jurassic World. Where that was clinical and far too blue, Bayona’s colourings feel real, raw and grounded in reality.

The cast is also an incredibly strong part of the film. Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard both sizzle with on-screen chemistry and there’s a cheeky nod to the backlash Howard faced after wearing high-heels for much of Jurassic World’s runtime. Newcomers Justice Smith and Daniella Pineda are terrific as a jumpy IT wiz and veterinary surgeon respectively. James Cromwell is nicely ret-conned into the story as John Hammond’s business partner, Benjamin, and adds a touch of class to proceedings.

Rafe Spall is excellent as the slimy assistant of Benjami, Eli and Toby Jones hams up the screen as an auctioneer. So far, so good then?

The first half of the film, situated on Isla Nublar as it pops into life is astounding and features some of the best destruction ever put to film. The CGI is leaps and bounds ahead of its predecessor and the dinosaurs feel absolutely real throughout. What I didn’t expect however, is poignancy. There are moments in Fallen Kingdom that have real emotional whack, especially as the rescue operation leaves the island. A lone Brachiosaur standing at the dock is heart-breaking and beautifully done.

J.A. Bayona utilises his horror roots beautifully and there is no denying it is the best-looking film in the series
Unfortunately, Fallen Kingdom’s biggest selling point is also its biggest downfall. In trying to do something new, the film stalls as we head to a gothic-esque mansion for the final hour. The confines of the house slow the pacing right down and despite the constant onslaught of action, it really does lag. The special effects and animatronics remain flawless and the action is thrilling, but the script lets them down.

Speaking of the script, this was Jurassic World’s biggest weakness and the same can be said here. Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connelly should be applauded for bringing this franchise back from the edge of extinction, but my god, they cannot write dialogue to save their lives. The characters often converse in what feels like speech bubbles and this can really bring you out of the moment.

There’s also a laughably poor plot twist that feels like it was written by a five-year-old to add some wow factor to the film’s final third. It fails miserably. Then there’s the film’s ‘villain’, the Indoraptor. This genetically modified beast is a sorely underdeveloped entity throughout the film. Sure, she’s menacing enough, but it feels shoehorned in. Trevorrow has stated that Fallen Kingdom will be the last Jurassic movie to feature hybrid dinosaurs: this is absolutely the right decision.

Trevorrow has said that his Jurassic vision is a new trilogy, but the ending of Fallen Kingdom feels like it simply can’t be fixed in one more film. It’s Planet of the Apes-esque in scale.

When we take a look at the score, it’s a story of two halves. Michael Giacchino is one of the greatest composers working today and his music for Jurassic World was absolutely sublime. Here, however, the music is unrecognisable as Jurassic in its construction. John Williams’ iconic theme is rendered to a few bars here and there and that’s a real shame. It’s a good score most definitely, but it could have been so much better.

Finally, we have to circle back around to the cast and the elephant in the room: Jeff Goldblum. His return as Dr Ian Malcolm in this film adds a nice bookend, beginning and end, but you have seen all but two or three lines of his dialogue in the trailer. A horrifically underused presence, but a nice cameo nonetheless.

Overall, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a solid addition to the ever-expanding series. J.A. Bayona utilises his horror roots beautifully and there is no denying it is the best-looking film in the series with superb set pieces, well-choreographed action and gorgeous cinematography. However, once again the film is let down by poor scriptwriting from Trevorrow and Connelly and a second half that struggles to keep pace with the stunning first.

Is it better than Jurassic World? Well that’s for you to decide, but comparing them is almost impossible.


https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/06/07/jurassic-world-fallen-kingdom-review-a-bold-new-era/
  
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Daniel Boyd (1066 KP) rated Ready Player One (2018) in Movies

Sep 20, 2018 (Updated Sep 20, 2018)  
Ready Player One (2018)
Ready Player One (2018)
2018 | Sci-Fi
Popcorn Blockbuster Fun (0 more)
The Whole Thing Feels A Bit Hollow (0 more)
Not Quite Ready
I saw this movie in the cinema back when it came out in March earlier this year and I honestly didn't feel ready to review it after a single viewing because of all of the references etc that there was to take in. After watching the movie a couple more times and watching a bunch of Easter Egg videos on Youtube, I feel more equipped to discuss the film.

Up top, I never read the book that this film is based on. It has been recommended to me quite a few times, but I have never gotten around to reading it, so I was going into this with no pre-conceived ideas of what it was going to be other than what I had seen in the various trailers for the movie.

Let's start with the good stuff. Although I have some issues with the overabundance of CGI onscreen, as a 3d animator myself I was extremely impressed at the sheer quality of the animation in the movie. I know that this thing had a pretty high budget behind it, but still the level of quality in the animation is really high throughout the film. The references are also pretty cool, at least for the first third of the movie but the novelty of seeing some of your favourite pop culture characters does wear off after a while and ends up feeling like a cheap gimmick before too long. Finally, if all you are looking for is a big dumb fun blockbuster, then this movie provides that in spades.

Ok, onto the stuff that bothered me. As I said above, although the quality of the CGI is pretty incredible, the vast amount of it gets tiresome after a while. I also don't like the character designs at all, Parzival looks like a rejected piece of Final Fantasy artwork, Art3mis looks like a stereotypical version of a what a middle aged man thinks a cool hacker looks like with a weird resemblance to a feline, Aech just looked chunky and awkward, like something from a last-gen Gears Of War game, I-R0k's weird, edgy, fantasy-based design didn't fit his voice or the tone of the scenes he appeared in and Sorrento's avatar just looked distractingly like a dastardly Clark Kent for some reason. Also, these original character designs seemed oddly out of place being surrounded by other characters from franchises that we already know like DC and Mortal Kombat, none of it meshed well.

From this point on I am going to delve into some mid-movie spoilers, so here's your warning.

It really annoyed me how they kept touching on the idea that someone in the Oasis might not necessarily look the same as they do in real life and if you ever met them in real life you would be sorely disappointed, only for the reason for all of this to be a birthmark on Olivia Cooke's character's face. The way that they make her out to some sort of beast-like monster because of a slight skin-irregularity is ridiculous and also kinda offensive. Also, we are told during the movie's opening sequence that the Oasis is a worldwide thing, where people from anywhere on the planet can meet up online and fight together or kill each other for coins, then halfway through the movie, all of the characters meet up in a small ice cream truck in the real world and it turns out that they all live within a few miles of each other. It just made the whole thing feel really small scale. Another issue is that the movie is only 6 months old at this point and it already feels slightly dated. I don't see this movie ageing very well at all and this is both due to the CGI and the references that they choose to include.

Lastly, as I said earlier, if what you want out of this movie is mindless fun, then you'll walk away satisfied, the problem with that is that the movie seems to want to be more than that. The way that the movie treats itself and the way it was marketed along with the fact that it's got Spielberg in the director's chair, signifies that the filmmakers were intending for this to be this generation's Back To The Future or Star Wars and on that front it totally fails. In these other movies that this film is aspiring to be, you care about what happens to the characters and want to see where they go, whereas here the audience cares way more about seeing the next popular franchise references than anything that happens to the main characters at the heart of this story and once you've seen the film, you are going to leave talking about the characters that appeared from outside franchises rather than the ones created for this story. The characters are also instantly forgettable, for example I have seen this film three times now and still couldn't tell you the real world names of any of the characters other than Wade Watts and Sorrento and that's only because he has the same name in the real world as he does in the Oasis. I also don't care if I ever see any of these characters again if I'm being honest. I'm sure there is probably a sequel to this already being planned seeing as it made a bunch of money at the box office and there is apparently a sequel book in the works, but frankly I wouldn't care if I never saw any of these characters again and I don't care where the story is going either.

In conclusion, Ready Player One doesn't achieve the goal that it sets for itself of being a modern sci-fi classic, but there is a lot of fun to be had here along with some impressive animation to boot. The movie has a fairly shallow, hollow feel to it throughout, as if we are scratching the surface of something potentially engaging and worth investing in, but the filmmakers constantly keep distracting us with flashy visuals and obscure pop culture references. If the movie committed to telling a more original story rather than being obsessed with the 80's classics it is exploiting, then it may be more worthwhile. Also, it's definitely not Spielberg's best, this may be a bit harsh but it's probably closer to Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull than Raiders Of The Lost Ark. I wish that Smashbomb had a half star rating system, because although I feel that the movie was better than a 6, I don't like it enough to give it a 7, so a 6.5 would sum up how I felt about the film more accurately.
  
Game of HAM: Adult Set
Game of HAM: Adult Set
2019 | Card Game, Humor, Party Game, Word Game
We recently invested in a really great pork loin and were able to get like three excellent meals out of it (if you want recipes, that’s a different blog). I know pork loin and ham aren’t the same, but I do enjoy them immensely. That’s why when I heard about a Game of HAM I was all set and ready to begin! But what I played wasn’t a game about ham at all, but rather a game of “Hating All Mankind.” What???

Game of HAM is a card and board game similar to Apples to Apples and the dreaded Cards Against Humanity. However, HAM differs from these with the addition of the board and actual game play. Yes, each round still needs a judge player and the others to play cards based on a prompt, but after that the game becomes, well, a game. In fact, this game has a board with spaces to travel and a goal space to race to in order to determine the winner.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and the final components will probably be different from these shown. Also, it is not my intention to detail every rule in the game, as there are just too many. You are invited to back the game through the upcoming Kickstarter campaign, order from your FLGS, or purchase through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


To setup, lay out the modular board pieces in any fashion you would like. We played on a boring 1×4 orientation because we lack imagination. At least at first. Next choose a color token to represent your progress along the board. Separate the colored cards into stacks and place under the corresponding giant ham tokens. Each player will be dealt 10 pink response cards and whomever is chosen to be the first judge player will draw a gray card to begin.
Game of HAM comes shipped with about a million cards and an equal number of ways to play. For this preview we played typical core games without any special rules (and we even left a “mandatory rule” out – the rulebook said we could). Seriously, the first half of the rulebook is explaining the game, and the second half is allllllllll optional gameplay styles, optional rules, variants, and so forth.

So on a turn, the judge draws a gray (grey?) card, reads it, places it on the table, and the other players will play pink (penk?) cards as responses for the judge to choose a winner. The winning player will then reference the numbers on the bottom of the gray card to determine how many spaces on the board they will travel. As the aim of the game is to get to the goal space, typically the larger number will be chosen. However, in order to win the game a player must land on the goal space exactly, so this is a reason a player may choose the lesser number.

At times players will land on colored spaces on the board. This signifies that they will draw a card of corresponding color to be used on future turns. These cards can be very powerful and affect other players as well. It is these cards along with the actual game board that separates Game of HAM from others in this vein: there is actual game play and decisions to be made aside from choosing cards that create the most lewd scenarios.


Don’t get me wrong – there ARE lots and lots of opportunities to create these scenarios and pick gross things (especially in this Adult Set), but this is not the only goal of the game. In any case, play continues in this fashion – for the vanilla game mode – until a player has reached the goal space on the board exactly. At this point, the group decides which game mode or optional rules they would like to play with next, because this game can be somewhat addicting.
Components. This is a ham-themed game and the components reflect that wonderfully. Like I mentioned earlier, there are at least a zillion cards that come in this box, and they are all great quality. I have only opened one of the several packs of pink cards that come with the game, and I am not at all joking about that. The giant colored ham tokens are awesome, the boards are acceptable, and the rulebook is wonderful. I was also not joking when I said half the rulebook is explaining the game and the other half is describing different modes of play, variants, and optional rules (there are even sections of rules for drinkers and 420-friendly players). All said, the components are great!

Now, I have said this multiple times in my reviews: I HATE Cards Against Humanity. That “game” exists for one purpose: to gross out everyone playing and as an acceptable outlet for people to be as offensive as possible. While Game of HAM is similar in some aspects, I can actually play this game and not want to quit two cards into it. I LIKE that the designers have come up with half a rulebook worth of alternate play modes and optional rules, even some that outright tell you that you can use or not use ANY rule in the book! It’s not the classiest game, of course, but you don’t purchase and play a game called “Game of HAM” for its reflection of your sophistication. You purchase and play this game because you want to have a good time with your friends and family without the need to piss everyone at the table off. I can get behind this.

If you are in the market for a CAH or Apples to Apples replacement, but still want to feel like you can be a social monster for a while, pick up Game of HAM (Adult Set). I don’t know this for fact, but I assume that since this is the “Adult Set” that there will soon also be a “Family Set” or something similar. So Game of HAM may be for you, as long as you are aware of the content within. I recommend Game of HAM for those gamers who know and are comfortable with the content as a great modular card game. I won’t be playing it with my in-laws, but I can certainly play this with my siblings!
  
Tidal Blades; Heroes of the Reef
Tidal Blades; Heroes of the Reef
2020 | Fantasy
Tidal Blades: Heroes of the Reef (which I shall just call Tidal Blades from here on) is a very successful Kickstarter that funded in 45 minutes and raised over $780,000 with the campaign. I was lucky enough to be able to back this one when it went live, and the hype was REAL. The box is large and in charge, and setup and tear down takes about 14 years, but did I like this one? Dude. YES. We don’t rate Solo Chronicles, but this is a STRONG 6 from me.

DISCLAIMER: As this game is a giant and many reviewers are starting to tackle it using multiplayer rules, I decided I would talk about the differences between multiplayer and solo rules. This review is using the included Solo Mode rules.


Setup for the Solo Mode uses most of the setup rules for the multiplayer game with a few exceptions. In the Solo Mode the player will have one character to control and one Rival to beat. The Rival will need their player board and standee or mini (I have the Deluxe Edition, so it’s minis in my case). In addition, the player will also choose two other characters to be Allies, utilizing their ability cards and minis. The Allies and Rival will be placed on the Champion board ahead of the player to begin the game. The player wins by having more points than the Rival at the end of the game.
Quickly, here is Tidal Blades in a nutshell. Players are attempting to gather the greatest standing on the Champion board (like a VP track) and VP from Challenge cards gained. The players earn these cards by using Actions to move to islands, gather resources, fight monsters, perform boating maneuvers and tricks, and can increase the potential for each of these by upgrading their central board dials. Shells and Fruit are common resources, and each player starts with two Actions per turn. The game lasts four total Days (or phases with several turns in each), and players earn more Action discs on Day two and four. Every time the dice are rolled to complete Challenges a Danger Die is also rolled and can wound the player by forcing a discard of dice. Each Day players can refresh and upgrade used dice to better their skill and concentrate their abilities. After Day four the game ends and players count up points to declare a victor!

Here is how gameplay is slightly different from the multiplayer experience. The Rival always goes first. They will also have one more Action disc to use on their turn (unfair, right?). When they begin their turn, a Challenge card is drawn. Whichever Island is featured on the card is to where the Rival will travel. Once arrived, the amount of VP awarded on the card is how many spaces from the top of the Island the Rival will be placed. Depending upon which Island the Rival ends the Challenge card will then be placed under the Solo Mode mat and a special action taken. The special actions could be revealing and resolving a Plot card in Droska Ring (special to Solo Mode), removing Monster hits from the Fold in the Chronosseum, or moving the boat in Lamara Stadium. The Judge location also plays a role in special actions should the Rival land on the same Island as they are. Other special goodies await, but I will leave you to discover those.


On the player’s turn, if the player is tied with or ahead of their Allies on the Champion board, the player will be able to use the Allies on their turn. This is handled similar to having an extra Action disc on the player’s turn. Send the Ally to a location and reap the rewards. Otherwise, for the player, turns are the same.
Components. Let me tell you: if you have the extra money to splurge for the Deluxe Edition, DO IT. The minis are amazing, the plastic shells are awesome, and those squishy fruit are so perfect! Obviously the game is perfectly playable and enjoyable with the basic components, but the improved bits are really something special. The cardboard everything is great, the GameTrayz inserts are incredible, and the art and colors are simply magical. I cannot say enough excellent things about what comes in this massive box. Druid City Games and Skybound Tabletop got everything right with this one.

It should be no surprise that I am in love with this game. Yes, it’s a Solo Chronicles, and I played by myself. I get that. Eventually I will be able to play this with others and by then I will be so engrossed in the lore that I will have no problems hyping up my playmates. Tidal Blades is an absolutely gorgeous game with so much going on that I don’t think I will ever tire of it. The game lasts four days but I wish it were a month because I just want to keep playing! The decisions to be made are all wonderfully delicious and there always seems to be too few on your turn. Yes, I know that sounds like all worker placement games, but it is especially true here. Almost every spot on the board gives immediate benefits that can be used, so even when a location is occupied, there will always be another of equal importance to your character. It’s so good.

Like I said before, I love the art and colors used. This is a stunner of a game on the table. It does take up quite a bit of room, especially if you use the arena dice tray (which I didn’t because I play at night when the kids are asleep and a hard plastic dice tray wakes up children). I count myself lucky to have the Deluxe Edition as well because those upgraded bits really make the game feel deluxe and fancy.

The Solo Mode is very good, and at least for me, very difficult to win. The combination I used for this review was playing as Axl against my Rival Caiman. Obviously switching out characters and using different Allies will change up the feel a bit, and I really cannot wait to try out all the permutations. When a game begs you to play it as often as you can and you look at it lovingly on your shelf, you know you have a Top 10 game, and a treasure in your collection.
  
Dirt Dog
Dirt Dog
2021 | Animals, Card Game
My family is a dog family. Growing up I was lucky to live with a Lhasa Apso named Sasha, and a Jack Russell Terrier named Casey. They were both great dogs to grow up with, and since being with my wife we have added a Yorkshire Terrier named Millie and a Powderpuff Chinese Crested named Mojo (who now lives with Laura). So when I saw a game named Dirt Dog that had cute art and was looking for previews, I knew I had to check it out. I mean, my dogs were ALWAYS dirty, so this should be a cinch, right?

Dirt Dogs is a two or four player game where each side will be building an obstacle course through which the other side will run down a quarry animal. The obstacle course is a series of cards with icons needed to satisfy in order to pass, and each dog runner will have stats that correspond to these challenges that can also be manipulated with additional card play.

DISCLAIMER: We were provided a prototype copy of this game for the purposes of this review. These are preview copy components, and I do not know for sure if the final components will be different from these shown. You are invited to back the game through the Kickstarter campaign, or purchase through any retailers stocking it after fulfillment. -T


To setup, set aside the Entrance and Quarry cards from the large deck of brown-backed Burrow cards. Shuffle the Burrow cards to form a draw deck, and shuffle the gold-backed Obedience cards into their own pile. Each player (or team, but for this preview I will be reviewing from a two-player game perspective) will choose a dog breed card to use and place it in front of themselves. The icon on the bottom right hand side of the dog card signifies Moxie and an amount of Moxie tokens (bones) will be collected for use by the player. Reveal and place in an offer 12 Obedience cards to be drafted by the players. During the first round of play one player will be the builder and the other will be the first runner. Each player will draw five Burrow cards to begin and the game may now commence!
Dirt Dog will last three or more rounds (depending on what the players decide) and each round will have the roles of first builder and runner reversed. The builder will assemble an obstacle course of Burrow cards from their hand along with an Entrance to get in and a Quarry at the end. The cards are multipurpose in that the right side of the card lists obstacle tests the dogs will need to meet or surpass in order to clear it, and the left side includes icons that can be used by the runner player to assist their dog in a successful run. Similarly, Obedience cards may be played during the run to help overcome a particularly difficult obstacle, but then it will be unavailable for use to build the subsequent Burrow course.

Once a course has been decided and placed before the runner, they will analyze the tests on each card encountered and use their dog stats in addition to any cards they would like to play from hand. Should a runner successfully complete a course and capture the Quarry at the end they will collect the Quarry card and immediately add Dachshund tokens (weineeples?) to increase their stats per the card for the rest of the game.


Players then switch roles and whichever player ends the round with the most remaining Moxie will win the round and collect the Round Winner token (black animeeple because I can’t make out which breed it might be) notating such. The winner is the player who collected the most Round Winner tokens at the end of the three (or more) rounds!
Components. Again, this is a prototype copy of the game, and as such the components will not be exactly as shown in these photos. That said, for a prototype copy, the components are pretty decent! The cards are all nice, and the art on them is suuuuper cute. The layout of the cards is ok, and the iconography is easy to understand. The tokens and different -eeples are wonderful, though those may be different in the final version. It all depends on Kickstarter success though, folks, so you know the drill with backing games.

Dirt Dog reminds me of a couple games I have played, or at least certain mechanics. The building of the burrow runs reminds me of Boss Monster dungeon building as you are trying to foil the runner’s progress, but they can also use cards from hand to help overcome the obstacles. Also, many games now are including multi-use cards in the design, and I absolutely love it. Having to really determine the best use for a card – now during my run, or later to build a run for my opponent – is a wonderful layer that I enjoy. Of course building up a character’s stats is a mechanic I wish more games used. I mean, what’s the best part about playing RPGs? It’s level-up day!

This one is very cute to play and is quite light. I may have found a winning dog to use every time, but I will not spoil that for you. If it seems to become a problem in your plays, I suggest just removing that dog from those available to help overcome that. Remember – the winner of the round is the dog that ends the round with the most Moxie. That said, I still very much enjoy Dirt Dog. The art is great, features at least one of my previous breeds, and leaves itself open for expansions of new breeds and obstacles to be added later.

If you are looking for a cute dog-themed game with light rules and pretty good replayability, I suggest you check out Dirt Dog. It’s a fun and quick little card game that you can even play with AP-prone gamers as the choices are not necessarily do-or-die. Plus, enjoy the art along the way. It’s very nice. You are invited to back the game on Kickstarter that launches soon! Tell them Purple Phoenix Games sent you or I’ll sick a Jack Russell on your yard to dig dig dig until they wear themselves out. At least, that’s what MY JRT used to do…