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Entertainment Editor (1988 KP) created a video about My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) in Movies
Oct 24, 2017 (Updated Oct 24, 2017)
Teeny (11 KP) created a poll about My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic in TV
Jul 3, 2018
graveyardgremlin (7194 KP) rated Zodiac Starforce: by the Power of Astra in Books
Feb 15, 2019
I really wanted to like this more than what ended up happening. With its Jem-like coloration, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic girl power theme, plus good versus evil, it was right up my alley. The main problem was that it needed fleshed out. The characters, mostly Emma/Gemini, the relationships, and the overall plot should have had more expansion. It felt like slightly more than an outline. Major events happened in the past that were alluded to, which made me wish this had been an origin story instead. The artwork is wonderful and I have no problem with that. I did like the three team members (Kim is awesome!) who were featured more and would like to know more about them, plus more expansion of Emma and Lily. I will read the next one and hope that the series improves from here. Plus, anyone who throws out a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reference has my admiration.
<img src="http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d6/satilanna/GR/zodiacstarforcemst3k_zpszzjattll.jpg">;
Check out more illustrations from Paulina Ganucheau: https://paulinaganucheau.tumblr.com/
<img src="http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d6/satilanna/GR/zodiacstarforcemst3k_zpszzjattll.jpg">;
Check out more illustrations from Paulina Ganucheau: https://paulinaganucheau.tumblr.com/
Nikki Pugh (2 KP) rated American Assassin (2017) in Movies
Nov 19, 2017
Not a patch on the book
Contains spoilers, click to show
Okay so if you have read the books you'll know a few things were seriously off about this film. Plot for a start.
The book's plot circles around the Lockabie bombing which most of today's young audience will not remember so a plot update was definitely needed and setting the first scene on a beach with terrorists shooting tourists was a good plot call. I settled down in my seat thinking this might just work....and then the rest of the film happened.
Everyone did a good job trying to inject some feeling and drama into the limp script - Michael keaton was excellent - but there is no disguising the fact that this was intended as a for-runner for a Mitch Rap franchise. The plot was ludicrous, the characters under developed and overacted.
Maybe the next one will have me routing for Mitch instead of wishing I had gone to see the My Little Pony Movie...that would have been a lot less painful.
The book's plot circles around the Lockabie bombing which most of today's young audience will not remember so a plot update was definitely needed and setting the first scene on a beach with terrorists shooting tourists was a good plot call. I settled down in my seat thinking this might just work....and then the rest of the film happened.
Everyone did a good job trying to inject some feeling and drama into the limp script - Michael keaton was excellent - but there is no disguising the fact that this was intended as a for-runner for a Mitch Rap franchise. The plot was ludicrous, the characters under developed and overacted.
Maybe the next one will have me routing for Mitch instead of wishing I had gone to see the My Little Pony Movie...that would have been a lot less painful.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated Dial M for Murder (1954) in Movies
Sep 20, 2020
A mid-tier episode of "Law & Order" from the 50s that's as mildly rousing as it is boring in a nearly 1:1 ratio. Yes the writing is impressively airtight, and always leaves you looking for some sort of holes to no avail - one of those films where you play a fun little guessing game in your head every time a character says or does something. Could they have slipped up? Do the other characters know that? But here's my main problem with this: it's so DRY holy shit. Yes the story is rigorously optimized for this sort of deal, but that's all there is to chew on here - nothing else. The characters in this movie exist only to explain and inform each other about the story as it happens - outside of the first couple scenes there are no little moments of interpersonal interaction between characters that involves anything else besides telling people what just happened, no moments of humor outside of a bad gay joke and a couple telegraphed duds, no personality building beyond how they react in relation to - again - the singular crime narrative. That's virtually every single scene, so it quickly feels like you're just watching the same thing over and over again. This goes straight past staunchly formal and almost into rudimentary, but Grace Kelly and Ray Milland are wonderful enough to carry this very talky one-trick pony along with the sheer attention to detail of the plot. Still definitely fair but way too straightforward, I can't act like dozens of better ones have been done even if this did potentially pave the way for a lot of them.
BackToTheMovies (56 KP) rated Annabelle Comes Home (2019) in Movies
Jul 2, 2019
The third instalment of the Annabelle franchise as Annabelle Comes Home delivers where the previous two did not.
Demonologists Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson) and his wife Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) return back to their home with the cursed Annabelle doll. Safely locked away in their occult museum of the paranormal they leave for another case and leave their babysitter Mary (Madison Iseman) and her best friend Daniela (Katie Sarife) in charge of looking after their daughter Judy (McKenna Grace). One curious friend breaks into the paranormal museum situated in the Warren’s basement and all hell breaks loose.
Annabelle Comes Home is a well-rounded horror. It has a completely different feel than the films previous to it. It has a very goosebumps style goofiness about it with a more sinister tone. The Annabelle doll acts as a beacon for spirits. So when she is unleashed within the museum the other entities contained within that room escape. It really is a Goosebumps style injection of horror as various creatures and entities roam the house.
Whilst these horror movies have cut and paste jump scares and quite predictable outcomes Annabelle Comes Home just about keeps it somewhat fresh. The film is heavily held up high from strong performances by our three lead girls. The film has a lovely dark tone and the detail within the museum is incredible. If you’re a paranormal/haunted object junkie like me just seeing the attention to detail in the set dressing was impressive indeed.
Director Gary Dauberman takes Annabelle out of the one trick pony setting and allows this freedom of entities to run amok without convoluting the plot in any way shape or form. Each item is linked to a spirit and they’re carefully injected at spaced intervals through the story.
There’s nothing really new on display here. Horror movies just aren’t scary anymore. They rely on jump scares to provide a ‘scare’ which is actually a fabricated effect. A jump scare will never make a movie scary. I wish filmmakers wouldn’t over-saturated jumps every 10 minutes to make something ‘scary’. This movie isn’t bad whatsoever but my god is the horror genre becoming a little repetitive and boring in some aspects. It’s time to spice things up without pushing agendas! Yes, I’m talking to you Jordan Peele.
Demonologists Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson) and his wife Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) return back to their home with the cursed Annabelle doll. Safely locked away in their occult museum of the paranormal they leave for another case and leave their babysitter Mary (Madison Iseman) and her best friend Daniela (Katie Sarife) in charge of looking after their daughter Judy (McKenna Grace). One curious friend breaks into the paranormal museum situated in the Warren’s basement and all hell breaks loose.
Annabelle Comes Home is a well-rounded horror. It has a completely different feel than the films previous to it. It has a very goosebumps style goofiness about it with a more sinister tone. The Annabelle doll acts as a beacon for spirits. So when she is unleashed within the museum the other entities contained within that room escape. It really is a Goosebumps style injection of horror as various creatures and entities roam the house.
Whilst these horror movies have cut and paste jump scares and quite predictable outcomes Annabelle Comes Home just about keeps it somewhat fresh. The film is heavily held up high from strong performances by our three lead girls. The film has a lovely dark tone and the detail within the museum is incredible. If you’re a paranormal/haunted object junkie like me just seeing the attention to detail in the set dressing was impressive indeed.
Director Gary Dauberman takes Annabelle out of the one trick pony setting and allows this freedom of entities to run amok without convoluting the plot in any way shape or form. Each item is linked to a spirit and they’re carefully injected at spaced intervals through the story.
There’s nothing really new on display here. Horror movies just aren’t scary anymore. They rely on jump scares to provide a ‘scare’ which is actually a fabricated effect. A jump scare will never make a movie scary. I wish filmmakers wouldn’t over-saturated jumps every 10 minutes to make something ‘scary’. This movie isn’t bad whatsoever but my god is the horror genre becoming a little repetitive and boring in some aspects. It’s time to spice things up without pushing agendas! Yes, I’m talking to you Jordan Peele.
Gareth von Kallenbach (971 KP) rated Magic Mike XXL (2015) in Movies
Aug 6, 2019
When we last saw Mike Lane (Channing Tatum) he was trading in his g-string and the adulation of grown women with lots of dollar bills to spare, for a custom furniture business of his own and a serious relationship with a girl named Brooke. He said goodbye to his band of magical, muscular men (and by magical, we mean in the art of making clothes disappear) and headed off into a better future.
Or so he thought.
Three years later, we find Mike has found a little success, his company has grown by one employee. The empty apartment with no sign of a roommate suggests his future no longer includes Brooke. A phone call from Tarzan (Kevin Nash) has Mike donning a suit to attend a “wake”. Cue the reunion with his old gang that is far from somber, and more of a ruse to see him. Apparently, his orphaned crew is set on one last hurrah before they follow in Mike’s footsteps and go after their own entrepreneurial dreams.
Does Mike want in on the swan song of stripteases at Myrtle Beach’s stripper convention? Of course not. He has a business to run, employees to pay, he postures. But considering this movie is a sequel entitled “Magic Mike XXL” you know he changes his mind. And, boy, how he changes his mind! With a little help from power tools and Genuwine’s “Pony”, natch.
Magic Mike XXL is a road trip of discovery for Mike, Tarzan, Tito (Adam Rodriguez), Ken (Matt Bomer), Tobias (Gabriel Iglesias) and Big Dick Richie (Joe Mangeniello). There were a few times I wondered where exactly this story was going, but as ensemble features go, the insightful peeks into the guys’ individual stories distracted from the meandering plot. Okay, why I was looking for a plot in a movie clearly made to titillate fans of sculpted male phsyiques, I don’t know. Sorry. Not sorry.
The road to Myrtle Beach is littered with conquests, old and new, and epiphanies fueled by pharmaceuticals inspire the Kings of Tampa to learn a few new tricks along the way. XXL actually achieves that rare feat of being better than the original. I know, that may not exactly be high praise, but it delivers more of what fans enjoyed in the original – the male entertainment.
XXL has the same awkward, but slightly improved banter between Mike and the females he encounters, but it also has new routines, a sexier emcee in Jada Pinkett-Smith (with all due respect to Matthew McConaughey) and it doesn’t require Kevin Nash to dance like a lost mannequin. There are some eyebrow-raising casting choices for a couple of new strippers. You may find yourself asking “Hey, is that who I think it is jumping all over that woman?” And “Okay…so he doesn’t actually strip. He just sings?” But don’t worry, that singer inspires Matt Bomer to do both. Very well. How did I not know Matt Bomer could sing?
The finale is one the screener audience, the majority of which were female, of course, did not want to end. I admit I could’ve stayed in my seat for more Channing Tatum and professional dancer, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, who could make his own Magic Malik movie. As my girlfriends and I left the theater, one commented that her face hurt from smiling the whole time. At the risk of sounding extremely shallow, we all agreed that the only way the movie could have been better is if it was shown on the IMAX screen in 3D. Maybe in Dbox seats.
Probably not a movie women will want to take their significant others to, but their girlfriends for a ladies night out? Hell to the yeah.
For story, acting and plot? Ummm 2 out of 5
For sheer, eye-candy entertainment? 4 stars.
Or so he thought.
Three years later, we find Mike has found a little success, his company has grown by one employee. The empty apartment with no sign of a roommate suggests his future no longer includes Brooke. A phone call from Tarzan (Kevin Nash) has Mike donning a suit to attend a “wake”. Cue the reunion with his old gang that is far from somber, and more of a ruse to see him. Apparently, his orphaned crew is set on one last hurrah before they follow in Mike’s footsteps and go after their own entrepreneurial dreams.
Does Mike want in on the swan song of stripteases at Myrtle Beach’s stripper convention? Of course not. He has a business to run, employees to pay, he postures. But considering this movie is a sequel entitled “Magic Mike XXL” you know he changes his mind. And, boy, how he changes his mind! With a little help from power tools and Genuwine’s “Pony”, natch.
Magic Mike XXL is a road trip of discovery for Mike, Tarzan, Tito (Adam Rodriguez), Ken (Matt Bomer), Tobias (Gabriel Iglesias) and Big Dick Richie (Joe Mangeniello). There were a few times I wondered where exactly this story was going, but as ensemble features go, the insightful peeks into the guys’ individual stories distracted from the meandering plot. Okay, why I was looking for a plot in a movie clearly made to titillate fans of sculpted male phsyiques, I don’t know. Sorry. Not sorry.
The road to Myrtle Beach is littered with conquests, old and new, and epiphanies fueled by pharmaceuticals inspire the Kings of Tampa to learn a few new tricks along the way. XXL actually achieves that rare feat of being better than the original. I know, that may not exactly be high praise, but it delivers more of what fans enjoyed in the original – the male entertainment.
XXL has the same awkward, but slightly improved banter between Mike and the females he encounters, but it also has new routines, a sexier emcee in Jada Pinkett-Smith (with all due respect to Matthew McConaughey) and it doesn’t require Kevin Nash to dance like a lost mannequin. There are some eyebrow-raising casting choices for a couple of new strippers. You may find yourself asking “Hey, is that who I think it is jumping all over that woman?” And “Okay…so he doesn’t actually strip. He just sings?” But don’t worry, that singer inspires Matt Bomer to do both. Very well. How did I not know Matt Bomer could sing?
The finale is one the screener audience, the majority of which were female, of course, did not want to end. I admit I could’ve stayed in my seat for more Channing Tatum and professional dancer, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, who could make his own Magic Malik movie. As my girlfriends and I left the theater, one commented that her face hurt from smiling the whole time. At the risk of sounding extremely shallow, we all agreed that the only way the movie could have been better is if it was shown on the IMAX screen in 3D. Maybe in Dbox seats.
Probably not a movie women will want to take their significant others to, but their girlfriends for a ladies night out? Hell to the yeah.
For story, acting and plot? Ummm 2 out of 5
For sheer, eye-candy entertainment? 4 stars.
Carma (21 KP) rated The Christmas Sisters in Books
Jun 17, 2019
Once again I am transported straight into a family I want to seek out and join. Sarah Morgan has the uncanny ability to weave a story so real, so engaging that it leaves you wanting so much more when the storyline ends. I want to pack a bag, jump on a plane and head to the Highlands of Scotland to find this magnificent family and climb a mountain or 2.
Suzanne is the matriarch of the McBride family, 25 years ago her life changed, for the better, when she was blessed with 3 daughters. She was fulfilling a promise she made to their mother to care for them if anything happened to her or their dad. After that day on the mountain, 5 went up and only 1 came down, she knew what her new destiny would become. She is ecstatic that all 3 of her girls are coming home to Scotland for Christmas this year, it has to all be perfect.
Hannah doesnt want to remember, or talk about, anything that happened 25 years ago. She prides herself on being a hard worker, a good boss, firm but strict and doesnt have time for reminiscing or letting emotions get in the way. She knows this has strained her relationships with her sisters and adoptive parents Suzanne and Stewart. She just doesnt know any other way. Getting involved with a colleague was by far the wildest thing she has ever done. Now she may be pregnant with his baby and has no idea what to do. First step is getting herself on the plane to Scotland, after canceling last year can she do it?
Beth is a champion multi-tasking mom. She left the work force after her first daughter was born and now that her kids are older, she is ready to head back. She needs to feel important, smart, not just like someones mom. Her husband works hard to make sure they have what they need but what she needs is to have some help from him at home. When she receives an offer to rejoin her old boss she goes to Jason to discuss her reentering the work force. He wants her to have another baby instead. She grabs her stuff, changes her ticket and heads to Scotland leaving him to care for their daughters and to fend for himself.
Posy loves living in Scotland, though she hates that her village is so small that literally everyone knows her business. Enter handsome lodger renting part of their barn for months in the winter. Whats a girl to do but do a little flirting? When both her sisters arrive home early she knows something is up but cant get the real story from either of them. When their mother falls ill with the flu just before Christmas, Posy has to rally the troops to pull off the most perfect Christmas celebration yet.
But with a secret agenda, a demanding not quite boss, an arthritic pony, makeup malfunction, unexpected arrivals and locals that get the gossip all wrong, can anyone save this Christmas?
Once again a 5 star read from Ms Morgan, she grabs me at the first sentence and I just cant stop reading until I finish. I literally read while brushing my teeth for fear of missing something. I received an advance copy without expectation for review. This book is just another reason why Sarah Morgan is one of my go to authors. I absolutely cannot wait to see where her next adventure takes me.
Suzanne is the matriarch of the McBride family, 25 years ago her life changed, for the better, when she was blessed with 3 daughters. She was fulfilling a promise she made to their mother to care for them if anything happened to her or their dad. After that day on the mountain, 5 went up and only 1 came down, she knew what her new destiny would become. She is ecstatic that all 3 of her girls are coming home to Scotland for Christmas this year, it has to all be perfect.
Hannah doesnt want to remember, or talk about, anything that happened 25 years ago. She prides herself on being a hard worker, a good boss, firm but strict and doesnt have time for reminiscing or letting emotions get in the way. She knows this has strained her relationships with her sisters and adoptive parents Suzanne and Stewart. She just doesnt know any other way. Getting involved with a colleague was by far the wildest thing she has ever done. Now she may be pregnant with his baby and has no idea what to do. First step is getting herself on the plane to Scotland, after canceling last year can she do it?
Beth is a champion multi-tasking mom. She left the work force after her first daughter was born and now that her kids are older, she is ready to head back. She needs to feel important, smart, not just like someones mom. Her husband works hard to make sure they have what they need but what she needs is to have some help from him at home. When she receives an offer to rejoin her old boss she goes to Jason to discuss her reentering the work force. He wants her to have another baby instead. She grabs her stuff, changes her ticket and heads to Scotland leaving him to care for their daughters and to fend for himself.
Posy loves living in Scotland, though she hates that her village is so small that literally everyone knows her business. Enter handsome lodger renting part of their barn for months in the winter. Whats a girl to do but do a little flirting? When both her sisters arrive home early she knows something is up but cant get the real story from either of them. When their mother falls ill with the flu just before Christmas, Posy has to rally the troops to pull off the most perfect Christmas celebration yet.
But with a secret agenda, a demanding not quite boss, an arthritic pony, makeup malfunction, unexpected arrivals and locals that get the gossip all wrong, can anyone save this Christmas?
Once again a 5 star read from Ms Morgan, she grabs me at the first sentence and I just cant stop reading until I finish. I literally read while brushing my teeth for fear of missing something. I received an advance copy without expectation for review. This book is just another reason why Sarah Morgan is one of my go to authors. I absolutely cannot wait to see where her next adventure takes me.
Chris Sawin (602 KP) rated Dance of the Dead (2008) in Movies
Jun 18, 2019
Jimmy Dunn (Jared Kusnitz) never seems to take anything seriously. He likes to spend more time in detention than he does in class. So it’s no surprise that Lindsey (Greyson Chadwick), the girl Jimmy was going to take to prom, decides to not go with him after realizing that Jimmy has no ambition. To make matters worse, something weird is going on in the graveyard next to the nuclear power plant in town. The dead are walking and they’re headed to the prom. The town is now in the hands of the losers who couldn’t get dates to the prom. There goes the neighborhood and here comes the pain; that is something that is certainly meant in more ways than one.
This is the type of horror film you have the urge to turn off as soon as it starts. Written by Joe Ballarini (My Little Pony: The Movie) and directed by Gregg Bishop (the “Dante the Great” segment of V/H/S Viral), Dance of the Dead is a part of the eight films that made up Ghost House Underground; horror films from all over the world chosen by Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert supposedly representing a “fresh” perspective of the horror genre. The problem is that most people would seek out one of these films and then never bother with the rest because why would you torture yourself any further?
The first 20 or so minutes of the film revolve around high school melodrama and the prom. This is supposedly where you get accustomed to the film’s humor, but it’s mostly nothing more than high school kids being obnoxious and unbearable. The graveyard scene is where things get even worse. Zombies start rising from beyond the grave and decomposing hands start bursting through headstones since that makes more sense than soil. Emerging from the ground simply wasn’t enough either; these zombies explode from their graves with smoke and a loud crash. Moments later during the same sequence, there are zombies jumping several feet into the air out of the ground, landing on their feet, and running after these kids. If it sounds cool in the slightest, then this description isn’t doing this dumpster fire justice.
The zombies are all over the place in Dance of the Dead. They start off as the zombies that run similar to the zombies in Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake. Later on in the film, they stumble around and are slow like George Romero’s zombies. Even later after that, the zombies are running again while some attempt to speak, say, “Brains!” and then get in a car and drive off. Someone had pointed out that the zombies in the film who are fresh out of the ground run while older ones move slower, which only makes this turd milkshake slightly less nutty. Dance of the Dead also can’t decide what zombie films to pay homage to either. Return of the Living Dead has a massive influence, but the film clearly pays tribute to Night of the Living Dead when the kids reach a house and decide to board up all the windows and take shelter. It seems like the one consistent aspect this film has is to be inconsistent.
Did you know zombies can be held at bay solely by the power of rocking out? Three stoners in a band (a guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer) inadvertently discover that their music stops zombies in their tracks. A bit later in the film during the prom, the gymnasium is full of zombies. There’s music playing and it shows three zombies on stage playing musical instruments; a guitar, a bass, and a drum set. Fast forward a little more and the three stoners are back again playing their stoner rock and the zombies are back to being frozen during their performance. There’s no consistency when it comes to what they play or how it affects zombies.
“In extreme circumstances, the assailants can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain.” Do you remember this quote from Shaun of the Dead? Try to keep it in mind, especially the, “removing the head,” part. A guy gets his head torn off by a zombie and you’d think he’d be dead, but this actually turns his decapitated head into a zombie. He comes back later on; his headless corpse carrying his decapitated head around. It’s one thing to try and reinvent a genre, but when you have so many reinventions along with homage out to wazoo you’re basically throwing cow pies at a brick wall and seeing what sticks.
Zombies shouldn’t make out with each other. Vampires shouldn’t sparkle and Warm Bodies isn’t canon. Two students turn into zombies and still end up in a giant make out session after they’ve turned. The kiss turns awkward as they start chewing on each other mid-kiss. They start taking bites out of each other while they’re still sucking face. This is the scariest aspect of the film considering that maybe most of us don’t want our eyeballs chewed out of our skulls during something so intimate.
When the special effects aren’t being a complete eyesore from being so cheap and ugly, the gore in Dance of the Dead is decent. Blood splattering everywhere is pretty common throughout the film. The acting isn’t completely terrible either. It absolutely isn’t good by any means. Dance of the Dead is basically Degrassi with zombies and everything lame you’re expecting to tag along with that reference. Lucas Till (X-Men: First Class, MacGyver) has a brief cameo as one of the rockers in the film and he's probably the only cast member you'll recognize.
The jumbled mass of homage and redefining of zombie lore in Dance of the Dead throws a monkey wrench in calling the film stereotypical and cliché, but it certainly feels that way. It seems like a rejected, alternate, first draft of a film you’ve already seen rather than a film that attempts to stand on its own two legs. It may be fun for fans of campy horror films, but its originality is borderline offensive since Dance of the Dead seems to just combine everything you know about zombies or purposely does the opposite at an attempt at being a different chomp of undead horror. Unfortunately though, Dance of the Dead is too overwhelmingly absurd for its own good as its gore feels like the drunken antics of a washed up clown rather than a competent horror film.
Dance of the Dead is available to stream on Amazon Prime, YouTube, and Google Play for $1.99, Vudu for $2.99, and iTunes for $5.99. The DVD is $7.72 on Amazon while the Blu-ray (which is Region 2 only) is $25.52 from a third party seller. The DVD is $7.49 in new condition and with free shipping on eBay or $4 with $2.99 shipping pre-owned. If you enjoy terrible things, the eight disc set of all the Ghost House Underground titles are available as a boxed set on Amazon for $179.74 and on eBay for $39.99 in brand new condition and with free shipping.
This is the type of horror film you have the urge to turn off as soon as it starts. Written by Joe Ballarini (My Little Pony: The Movie) and directed by Gregg Bishop (the “Dante the Great” segment of V/H/S Viral), Dance of the Dead is a part of the eight films that made up Ghost House Underground; horror films from all over the world chosen by Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert supposedly representing a “fresh” perspective of the horror genre. The problem is that most people would seek out one of these films and then never bother with the rest because why would you torture yourself any further?
The first 20 or so minutes of the film revolve around high school melodrama and the prom. This is supposedly where you get accustomed to the film’s humor, but it’s mostly nothing more than high school kids being obnoxious and unbearable. The graveyard scene is where things get even worse. Zombies start rising from beyond the grave and decomposing hands start bursting through headstones since that makes more sense than soil. Emerging from the ground simply wasn’t enough either; these zombies explode from their graves with smoke and a loud crash. Moments later during the same sequence, there are zombies jumping several feet into the air out of the ground, landing on their feet, and running after these kids. If it sounds cool in the slightest, then this description isn’t doing this dumpster fire justice.
The zombies are all over the place in Dance of the Dead. They start off as the zombies that run similar to the zombies in Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake. Later on in the film, they stumble around and are slow like George Romero’s zombies. Even later after that, the zombies are running again while some attempt to speak, say, “Brains!” and then get in a car and drive off. Someone had pointed out that the zombies in the film who are fresh out of the ground run while older ones move slower, which only makes this turd milkshake slightly less nutty. Dance of the Dead also can’t decide what zombie films to pay homage to either. Return of the Living Dead has a massive influence, but the film clearly pays tribute to Night of the Living Dead when the kids reach a house and decide to board up all the windows and take shelter. It seems like the one consistent aspect this film has is to be inconsistent.
Did you know zombies can be held at bay solely by the power of rocking out? Three stoners in a band (a guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer) inadvertently discover that their music stops zombies in their tracks. A bit later in the film during the prom, the gymnasium is full of zombies. There’s music playing and it shows three zombies on stage playing musical instruments; a guitar, a bass, and a drum set. Fast forward a little more and the three stoners are back again playing their stoner rock and the zombies are back to being frozen during their performance. There’s no consistency when it comes to what they play or how it affects zombies.
“In extreme circumstances, the assailants can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain.” Do you remember this quote from Shaun of the Dead? Try to keep it in mind, especially the, “removing the head,” part. A guy gets his head torn off by a zombie and you’d think he’d be dead, but this actually turns his decapitated head into a zombie. He comes back later on; his headless corpse carrying his decapitated head around. It’s one thing to try and reinvent a genre, but when you have so many reinventions along with homage out to wazoo you’re basically throwing cow pies at a brick wall and seeing what sticks.
Zombies shouldn’t make out with each other. Vampires shouldn’t sparkle and Warm Bodies isn’t canon. Two students turn into zombies and still end up in a giant make out session after they’ve turned. The kiss turns awkward as they start chewing on each other mid-kiss. They start taking bites out of each other while they’re still sucking face. This is the scariest aspect of the film considering that maybe most of us don’t want our eyeballs chewed out of our skulls during something so intimate.
When the special effects aren’t being a complete eyesore from being so cheap and ugly, the gore in Dance of the Dead is decent. Blood splattering everywhere is pretty common throughout the film. The acting isn’t completely terrible either. It absolutely isn’t good by any means. Dance of the Dead is basically Degrassi with zombies and everything lame you’re expecting to tag along with that reference. Lucas Till (X-Men: First Class, MacGyver) has a brief cameo as one of the rockers in the film and he's probably the only cast member you'll recognize.
The jumbled mass of homage and redefining of zombie lore in Dance of the Dead throws a monkey wrench in calling the film stereotypical and cliché, but it certainly feels that way. It seems like a rejected, alternate, first draft of a film you’ve already seen rather than a film that attempts to stand on its own two legs. It may be fun for fans of campy horror films, but its originality is borderline offensive since Dance of the Dead seems to just combine everything you know about zombies or purposely does the opposite at an attempt at being a different chomp of undead horror. Unfortunately though, Dance of the Dead is too overwhelmingly absurd for its own good as its gore feels like the drunken antics of a washed up clown rather than a competent horror film.
Dance of the Dead is available to stream on Amazon Prime, YouTube, and Google Play for $1.99, Vudu for $2.99, and iTunes for $5.99. The DVD is $7.72 on Amazon while the Blu-ray (which is Region 2 only) is $25.52 from a third party seller. The DVD is $7.49 in new condition and with free shipping on eBay or $4 with $2.99 shipping pre-owned. If you enjoy terrible things, the eight disc set of all the Ghost House Underground titles are available as a boxed set on Amazon for $179.74 and on eBay for $39.99 in brand new condition and with free shipping.
