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Pandorica (2016)
Pandorica (2016)
2016 |
6
6.0 (1 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Now that Chris and I have handed back the reigns of Another Damn Wrestling Show to its original hosts Matt, Joe and the other one. I no longer have to watch 12 hours of Wrestling each week so I decided to tackle my backlog of Movie reviews that some awesome very kind people have been sending. Today was the turn of Pandorica, a movie that to be fair had me at the trailer because its tells you everything without giving anything away. Best type of Trailer really (Yes that was a pop at Terminator Genisys).



I had no real expectations going into Pandorica and I came out of it very pleasantly surprised by Tom Paton’s Genre busting Futuristic Dystopian , Sci-Fi horror, Suspense, Action Filled tale of what happens when Humanity is De-Volved into its most basic instincts. Well I did say Genre Busting. One of the best things about this movie is that you really cant put it in any bracket (no matter how hard you try for the purpose of reviewing).

 Set somewhere in the future we meet a small group of Natives from the Varosha tribe. Tribe leader Nus (Luke D’Silva) has brought his three bravest and best to take part in a Violent trial to determine who should be leader of the Tribe when Nus expires. As is always the way, the three in question have very differing personalities. Eiren (Jade Hobday) is as deadly as she is determined and somewhat sexy (think Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil, Keira Knightley in King Arthur, Rhona Mitra in Doomsday). She is up against the wreckless headstrong bad ass Ares (Marc Zammit) who believes he is the only man fit enough to lead, rounding off the trio is Thade (Adam Bond) a very loyal confidant to the tribe but its all a bit over his head. Once the trial begins everything really turns to shit as the 3 discover a strange woman being chased by band of Vicious Lunatics in creepy masks. They must band to together to stay alive, all the while trying to prove they are the best candidate for leader, Winner is left standing at daybreak… Hopefully.

It is hard for me to believe that this is Tom Paton’s first full length feature film. He has a very clear idea of what he is doing with getting the best out of his strong leading cast, the Cinematography in this movie is gorgeous at times showing Paton is well aware of his on location surroundings and can direct his movie as such to show us this. Sometimes just the swooping shots over the top of the trees keep make you pause to admire. He has taken a number of Genres mashed them up and made a solid as hell flick that not only stands on its own but also serves as what could potentially be a great intro to a new series of flicks hat breath new life into some of these Genres, especially the Dystopian World End-y ones in the same vein as Neil Marshalls Doomsday.

I don’t want to keep raving on too much because you guys should really see this flick. It is available on all good streaming sites and video on demand services and I guarantee you will get a kick out of it, even if only for the Bitchin as hell soundtrack. I wont lie the music alone sucks you right in. I really enjoyed the movie and can easily see a sequel in fact if you do enjoy the movie, I recommend you stick around till the end of the credits (No Spoilers).
  
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Let me explain, before you all judge me. I don’t usually read these types of books. Nanny and the Beast was just a book that was recommended to me. By my mum. And I loved it!

The book features April, who is a nanny by profession. She goes for an interview in a Russian billionaire’s house for the nanny position.

Yuri is a Russian billionaire who has a niece, Yulia, that hasn’t been speaking for a few months. When he sees April, he can’t resist her – which is why he doesn’t give her the job – it is too dangerous for her to stick around.

But when destiny takes matters in her own hands, and April end up being Yulia’s nanny, they have to find a way to leave their fierce erotic needs aside and focus on the little girl’s happiness.

<b>With lust and danger coming from all sides, they are not prepared to settle for little.</b>

I loved April. She is a kind girl and cared deeply about Yulia. She fears Yuri, but also can’t help but feel the attraction between them. She kept having second thoughts and getting ready to leave, and still stayed. She kept feeling humiliated, but remained to see if this love might work. April was also a very bad friend. I feel the need of mentioning this. While it was okay for her to call her friend any time, she always talked and never listened, even when her friend clearly wanted to talk. That is a no-no for me.

As for Yuri, I don’t think I liked him that much. Yes, I admired his possessiveness around April and how he cared about both April and Yulia. Everything about Yuri is so mysterious, so secret, and he is always on the edge. Which makes him wanted, I would assume. However, some of his actions and beliefs made me so angry I wanted to throw this book!

<b><i>The emotional scene that intrigued me.</i></b>

She was left by her mother as a child, because her mother didn’t have the money. While April grows up, her mother becomes very rich and famous. A secret part of Rachel hopes that her mother will come back for her. At one scene in the book, April and Yuri attend a dinner and April’s mother is there. When she sees her with Yuri, she whispers to April she is not good enough and tells her to stay off him, so her other daughter can be with him. And while the mother didn’t know April is her daughter, April did, and it hurt her badly.

Quite an emotional scene for April, realizing that her mother moved on, and has changed, and the reason she probably left her at the very beginning never had anything to do with her money.

I read this book in a day, so if you want a short hot steamy romance with a sexy Russian Alpha-male, you will definitely enjoy this. There are a few emotional roller coasters throughout the book. However, if you are looking for a deep book that will help you discover the meaning of life, I am sorry to disappoint you.

<b>Secret note: If you have in mind books similar to this, I am open to recommendations.</b>

<b><i>Trigger warnings: Explicit sexual scenes, violence, murder and psychological trauma.</i></b>

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By Magic Beguiled
By Magic Beguiled
7
7.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
Many a man has died of longing for one such as her. For her skin has the flavor of honey which contains a magic all its own. Once a man’s lips taste her nectar, he is bound to her for all his days. Be forewarned, then, for her spell cannot be broken. Look for the sign of the cradle moon above the mound of Venus. Be it pale, you might yet escape with our heart and mind intact. But be it crimson, she is of royal blood, and too strong for a mortal man’s resistance.


Brigit Malone can paint anything she sees, and uses that skill to get herself and her best friend, Razor Face Malone, off the streets. Living the straight life is good until an old enemy kidnaps Raze and demands Brigit forge a privately owned painting, switch the fake for the original, and deliver it. But that painting is the prize possession of Adam Reid, a good man betrayed one too many times. Not only that, but Brigit has seen him before in her dreams. Hurting him is unbearable, but so is leaving Raze in danger.

Neither of them realize the images in the painting are actually a message from the twin sister Brigit doesn’t know she has, a message calling her back to the enchanted kingdom of Rush, where the two half fay twins are destined to put down the usurping Dark Prince Tristan and restore peace to their home, the distant land of Rush.

This book was just what I needed. It’s an epic adventure with romance, deception, and magic. Adam Reid is breath-takingly sexy, and Brigit is wonderfully strong and graceful, like a fairy should be.

However, Adam isn’t inclined to believe in love, let alone fairies. After his terrible childhood with an abusive father, his money was stolen by his ex wife, leaving him a jaded and cynical man about the world and very distrustful of humans. His sadness translates really well on the page and it’s really easy to feel for him, even when he’s complaining about only being able to afford a once-a-week cleaning service instead of a live-in maid. Despite his crankiness and need to be a cynic, you can’t help but want him to find true love and happiness.

Brigit is similarly disillusioned about life. After living homeless on the streets for several years, she succumbed to be an art forger to care for Raze, an old man who had saved her from a fire, and acted like a father to her. Now she was struggling to put the past behind her by running a florist shop. Unfortunately she will have no choice but to go back.to being an art forger to save Raze from one of her old enemies. And this means she needs to rob Adam Reid of the painting.

Adam’s first impression of Brigit is well illustrated and on point with the magic ability of fairies, especially those of royal blood.

She was incredible, and because her eyes sucked him in like quicksand, and because he had the oddest feeling that he knew her. Or should know her.

I love that this story isn’t insta-love, despite the Lure that Brigit gives off, magic that makes men fall in love with her. Yes, Adam does obsess with her a bit at first, but there is so much distrust in him that he doesn’t fall to her charms too quickly. And the plot is fantastic, right up to the heart-wrenching climax. Even though there’s very little magic and supernatural elements in the first book of this duo, it’s still there. Adult fantasy and fairytale lovers will enjoy this book as much as I did.
  
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The Snowman (2017)
The Snowman (2017)
2017 | Crime, Drama, Horror
“We’re trudging through the slush”.
Unlike its animated namesake, “The Snowman” is not a good film. Frustratingly it has all the right ingredients:

A story by bestselling Nordic writer Jo Nesbø;
Gorgeously photogenic snowy scenes of Oslo and Bergen;
A stellar cast (Michael Fassbender (“Alien: Covenant“); Rebecca Ferguson (“Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation“); J.K. Simmons (“Whiplash“); Toby Jones (“Dad’s Army“); Chloe Sevigny (“Love and Friendship“); Charlotte Gainsbourg (“Independence Day: Resurgence“, very sexy as Fassbender’s ex-squeeze) and even Val Kilmer (“Top Gun”, whose mother – interesting fact – is actually Swedish).
snowman2
That sinking feeling when you realise you’ve been drinking all night and its too late for bed before work.

And while these elements congeal in the snow together quite well as vignettes, the whole film jerks from vignette to vignette in a most unsatisfactory way. I haven’t read the book (which might be much better) but the inclusion in the (terrible!) trailers of key scenes that never made the final cut (where was the fire for example?, the fish? the man trap?) implied to me that the director (Tomas Alfredson, “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”) and screenwriting team – Peter Straughan (also “Tinker, Tailor”), Hossein Amini (“The Two Faces of January“) and Søren Sveistrup (TV’s “The Killing”) – either didn’t have (or didn’t agree on) the direction they wanted the film to go in.
Film Title: The Snowman
Arve Stop (J.K. Simmons) and Katrine (Rebecca Ferguson) having a “Weinstein moment” at the hotel.

Nesbø (and indeed most crime writers these days) litter their work with damaged cops…. you have to question whether the detective application form has a mandatory check-box with “alcoholic and borderline psycho” on it!. This film is no exception. Fassbender plays Nesbø’s master sleuth Harry Hole: an alcoholic insomniac well off the rails between homicide cases. “If only Oslo had a higher murder rate” bemoans his boss (Ronan Vibert). He joins forces with newby officer Katrine Bratt (Rebecca Ferguson), who has her fair share of mental demons to fight, in investigating a series of missing person/murder cases. The duo unearth a link between the cases – all happen when the snow starts to fall and to particular types of women, with the protagonist leaving a snowman at the scene.
snowman5
One of the cuter snowmen… they get worse… much worse.

The plot is highly formulaic – I guessed who the killer was within about 20 minutes. But what makes this movie stand out, for all the wrong reasons, is that it has one of the most stupid, vacuous, flaccid, inane, ridiculous … (add 50 other thesaurus entries)… endings imaginable. My mouth actually gaped in astonishment!
There are also a surprisingly large number of loose ends you ponder after the film ends: why the “Snowman”‘s fixation with Harry?; what was with the “Vetlesen cleaner” subplot? How is Star Trek transportation possible in Norway? (But wait… “Telemark”… “Teleport”…. coincidence????? 🙂

On the plus side, there is some lovely Norwegian drone cinematography – (by Australian Dion Beebe (“Edge of Tomorrow“) – that immediately made me put “travel by winter train from Oslo to Bergen” on my life-map. The music by Marco Beltrami (“Logan“) is also effective and suitably Hitchcockian.
If you like your films gory, this one is definitely for you, with some pretty graphic content that (for those who like to cover their eyes) is cut to so quickly by editors Thelma Schoonmaker (“The Wolf of Wall Street“) and Claire Simpson (“Far From The Madding Crowd“) that your hands won’t have time to leave your lap! I remember this being a feature of a previous Nesbø adaptation (the much better “Headhunters” from 2011) but here it goes into overdrive.
snowman1
One of my favourite actresses – Rebecca Ferguson, curiously playing much “younger” in this film than she appears in her previous hits.

Overall this was a rather disappointing effort that was heading for a FFf rating. But just because of that ending I’m knocking a whole extra Fad off!
  
Flatliners (2017)
Flatliners (2017)
2017 | Drama, Horror, Sci-Fi
The undiscovered country… which they shouldn’t have returned to.
The movies have depicted the hereafter in varied ways over the years. From the bleached white warehouses of Powell and Pressburger’s “A Matter of Life and Death” in 1946 and Warren Beatty’s “Heaven Can Wait” in 1978 to – for me – the peak of the game: Vincent Ward’s mawkish but gorgeously rendered oil-paint version of heaven in 1998’s “What Dreams May Come”. Joel Schmacher’s 1990’s “Flatliners” saw a set of “brat pack” movie names of the day (including Kevin Bacon, Julia Roberts, William Baldwin and Kiefer Sutherland) as experimenting trainee doctors, cheating death to experience the afterlife and getting more than they bargained for. The depictions of the afterlife were unmemorable: in that I don’t remember them much! (I think there was some sort of spooky tree involved, but that’s about it!)

But the concept was sufficiently enticing – who isn’t a little bit intrigued by the question of “what’s beyond”? – that Cross Creek Pictures thought it worthy of dusting off and giving it another outing in pursuit of dirty lucre. But unfortunately this offering adds little to the property’s reputation.

In this version, the lead role is headed up by Ellen Page (“Inception”) who is a great actress… too good for this stuff. Also in that category is Diego Luna, who really made an impact in “Rogue One” but here has little to work with in terms of backstory. The remaining three doctors – Nina Dobrev as “the sexy one”; James Norton (“War and Peace”) as “the posh boy” and Kiersey Clemons as the “cute but repressed one”, all have even less backstory and struggle to make a great impact.

Still struggling to get the high score on Angry Birds: from left to right Ray (Diego Luna), Sophia (Kiersey Clemons), Marlo (Nina Dobrev), Courtney (Ellen Page) and Jamie (James Norton).
Also putting in an appearance, as the one link from the original film, is Kiefer Sutherland as a senior member of the teaching staff. But he’s not playing the same character (that WOULD have been a bloody miracle!) and although Sutherland adds gravitas he really is given criminally little to do. What was director Niels Arden Oplev (“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”) thinking?

In terms of the story, it’s pretty much a re-hash of Peter Filardi’s original, with Ben Ripley (“Source Code”) adding a few minor tweaks to the screenplay to update it for the current generation. But I will levy the same criticism of this film as I levied at the recent Stephen King adaptation of “It”: for horror to work well it need to obey some decent ‘rules of physics’ and although most of the scenes work (since a lot of the “action” is sensibly based inside the character’s heads) there are the occasional linkages to the ‘real world’ that generate a “WTF???” response. A seemingly indestructible Mini car (which is also clearly untraceable by the police!) and a knife incident at the dockside are two cases in point.

Is there anything good to say about this film? Well, there are certainly a few tense moments that make the hairs on your neck at least start to stand to attention. But these are few and far between, amongst a sea of movie ‘meh’. It’s certainly not going to be the worst film I see this year, since at least I wasn’t completely bored for the two hours. But I won’t remember this one in a few weeks. As a summary in the form of a “Black Adder” quote, it’s all a bit like a broken pencil….. pointless.