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Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
2017 | Drama, Mystery
You’ll never guess who dunnit…
There’s a big problem with Kenneth Branagh’s 2017 filming of the Hercule Poirot-based murder mystery…. and that’s the 1974 Sidney Lumet classic featuring Albert Finney in the starring role. For that film was so memorable – at least, the “who” of the “whodunnit” (no spoilers here) was so memorable – that any remake is likely to be tarnished by that knowledge. If you go into this film blissfully unaware of the plot, you are a lucky man/woman. For this is a classic Agatha Christie yarn.

The irascible, borderline OCD, but undeniably great Belgian detective, Poirot, is dragged around the world by grateful police forces to help solve unsolvable crimes. After solving a case in Jerusalem, Poirot is called back to the UK with his mode of transport being the famous Orient Express. Trapped in the mountains by an avalanche, a murder is committed and with multiple suspects and a plethora of clues it is up to Poirot to solve the case.

Branagh enjoys himself enormously as Poirot, sporting the most distractingly magnificent facial hair since Daniel Day-Lewis in “The Gangs of New York”. The moustache must have had its own trailer and make-up team!

Above all, the film is glorious to look at, featuring a rich and exotic colour palette that is reminiscent of the early colour films of the 40’s. Cinematography was by Haris Zambarloukos (“Mamma Mia” and who also collaborated with Branagh on “Thor) with lots of innovative “ceiling down” shots and artful point-of-view takes that might be annoying to some but which I consider as deserving of Oscar/BAFTA nominations.

The pictures are accompanied by a lush score by Patrick Doyle (who also scored Branagh’s “Thor”). Hats off also to the special effects crew, who made the alpine bridge scenes look decidedly more alpine than where they were actually filmed (on a specially made bridge in the Surrey Hills!).

All these technical elements combine to make the film’s early stages look and feel truly epic.
And the cast… what a cast! Dame Judi Dench (“Victoria and Abdul“); Olivia Coleman (“The Lobster“); Johnny Depp (“Black Mass“); Daisy Ridley (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens“); Penélope Cruz (“Zoolander 2“); Josh Gad (Olaf!); Derek Jacobi (“I, Claudius”); Willem Dafoe (“The Great Wall“) and Michelle Pfeiffer (“mother!“). A real case again of an “oh, it’s you” film again at the cinema – when’s the last time we saw that?

It’s also great to see young Lucy Boynton, so magnificent in last year’s excellent “Sing Street“, getting an A-list role as the twitchy and disturbed countess.

With all these ingredients in the pot, it should be great, right? Unfortunately, in my view, no, not quite. The film’s opening momentum is really not maintained by the screenplay by Michael Green (“Blade Runner 2049“; “Logan“). At heart, it’s a fairly static and “stagey” piece at best, set as it is on the rather claustrophobic train (just three carriages… on the Orient Express… really?). But the tale is made even more static by the train’s derailment in the snow. Branagh and Green try to sex up the action where they can, but there are lengthy passages of fairly repetitive dialogue. One encounter in particular between Branagh and Depp seems to last interminably: you wonder if the problem was that the director wasn’t always looking on to yell “Cut”!

All this leads to the “revelation” of the murderer as being a bit of an anticlimactic “thank heavens for that” rather than the gasping denouement it should have been. (Perhaps this would be different if you didn’t know the twist).
However, these reservations aside, it’s an enjoyable night out at the flicks, although a bit of a disappointment from the level of expectation I had for it. I can’t be too grumpy about it, given it’s a return to good old-fashioned yarn-spinning at the cinema, with great visuals and an epic cast. And that has to be good news.

For sure, Branagh does make for an amusing and engaging Poirot, even if his dialogue did need some ‘tuning in’ to. There was a suggestion at the end of the film that we might be seeing his return in “Death on the Nile” – the most lush and decorous of Peter Ustinov’s outings – which I would certainly welcome. He will have to find another 10 A-list stars though to decorate the boat, which will be a challenge for casting!
  
Stars Above (The Lunar Chronicles, #4.5)
Stars Above (The Lunar Chronicles, #4.5)
Marissa Meyer | 2016 | Fiction & Poetry
8
8.7 (13 Ratings)
Book Rating
This book is actually receiving a 4.5 star review, but as you all know, we can't do that on here, so I just gave it a four star.

There will be spoliers, so ye be warned.

I'm going to go at this story by story, so bear with me.

The Keeper

I very much enjoyed getting to know Michelle Benoit because we do not get much of her in the base series. I love getting to know her and Scarlet's relationship on a first hand basis, but also getting to see the strain on their relationship because of the secrecy of Cinder. There are quite a few special moments between Michelle and Scarlet, namely, the one where she gives Scarlet her flight pin for her birthday present. Not going to lie, I choked up a bit on that one.

Another level of this story is the interactions between Michelle and Cinder. I loved seeing Michelle doting on Cinder, even though Cinder is in a suspended animation tank where she can't actually interact with Michelle. But being able to see the fear and the care Michelle feels toward Cinder was something very special and it warmed my heart to read it. I loved that Michelle gave Cinder her name to remind her that she is rising from the cinders and ashes of her past. So symbolic!

Glitches

Okay, now moving on to Cinder's early childhood. Garan was not really the best dad, from what I read. He is quite aloof and absent, not only in Cinder's early life, but in his own daughters'. It hurt to see how Cinder was mistreated by Adri from the beginning, even though I kind of undertand where Adri is coming from. I am by no means saying what she did was right. Let me just put that out there. She was a horrible mother to Cinder and I am not forgiving her, but her husband threw this child on her when they were already having a hard enough time supporting their two daughters. It must have been really difficult.

I loved how we got Cinder finding out that she was good at mechanics and fixed Iko! I was so happy when those two got together because I knew it was the beginning of a glorious friendship!

The Queen's Army

Ze'ev! Ugh, his childhood was almost no better. Yes, he had parents that loved him, but he had no choice in being conscripted into the army, then having to take care of his little brother who kinda hated him, then having to prove himself (and in turn save every person in his pack) by killing another person. He didn't even really have a choice in that either because Levana shoved the idea in his head. I'm just glad he gets to be happy with Scarlet.

Carswell's Guide to Being Lucky

Carswell, aka Mr. Smooth, having a crush on the sweet and smart kind. Hm. Where have we seen that before? Oh yeah, with my girl Cress! He has a thing for nerds and I am okay with that. I loved getting to see baby Thorne learning all of his tricks and tricking people out of their money. Goals.

After Sunshine Passes By

Baby Cress! This story made me so emotional because she had so much hope that she was going to go to earth, but beotch Sybil had other plans because she is horrible. Her reaction to learning that she was going to be isolated was heartbreaking as hell. But I did really enjoy getting to see how she was trying to help the other Shells learn how to read. I'm glad she got to learn at least.

The Princess and the Guard

Baby Winter and Jacin playing Princess and the Guard was so freaking cute, but then it got real dark, real quick. We start with the moment she thought she was helping that poor maid who was being manipulated by Thaumaturge Park (asshole #1 right there, by the way), then we have to see her learn that she didn't acutally save the girl, but subjected her to more torment. And then her promise to not use her glamour and her eventually going mad. That first hallucination and her reaction to it made me almost start sobbing, to be completely honest. It hurt so freaking much.

And then we get the big moment: Levana making her cut herself. She was so strong throughout the whole thing. She didn't let it get to her one bit, until she was back with Jacin, the only one who could protect her. She was so strong throughout the whole ordeal, and even afterwards. It breaks my heart to see that she was almost completely broken by not using her gift. I'm just glad everything is okay with her now.

The Little Android

Talk about crying, this story brought out all the tears. The original Little Mermaid is sad enough, but this one got to me so much. I know a lot of people don't really like this story because it didn't add anything to the rest of the series, but it added depth to the world. I loved being able to see another android other that Nasani and Iko. And on top of that, she was another one with a "faulty" programming chip. Is it mandatory that all androids fall in love with Kai or people who look like Kai? No? Okay, it just seems that way from this series.

But in all seriousness, this story was heartbreaking. Especially the ending when she allows herself to die for the one she loved to be happy. Come on! I didn't need this sadness in my life! (But I actually did, because it was beautiful and I loved it. I just wish I didn't cry at it as much.)

The Mechanic:

I was glad to see that this was the next story, because at least it would be happy. Kai's perspective of meeting Cinder was the cutest thing ever. He was so shy and dumbfounded and had no idea how to flirt. It was so endearing. They both also seemed so young becasue, well, it was the beginning. I adored how he was obsessed with the foot from the moment he first saw it. Not because of a foot fetish, but because he was acknowledging cyborgs (that acknowledgement eventually growing into action, but hey, it was a start!)

Something Old, Something New

Talk about super cute, this story stole my heart on the cute scale. A wedding! Woo!! Wolflet's wedding: double WOO!!! I love these two and their interactions, but I loved even more that it was told from Cinder's perspective.

Them setting up an early surprise wedding was so adorable, I almost exploded from happiness. I loved how they all teamed up together to get Scarlet to get ready early and trying to not get her suspicious was adorable. The boys all setting up the wedding and making it beautiful, if not a little dangerous at times, also adorable. Thorne being the number one decorator was hilariously cute! I honestly loved every bit of this story. I called Kai proposing to Cinder from the start of the story, though. I am super happy that it happened though! So cute! And they were looking at the stars because they were star crossed lovers for a while. Ugh. I just can't with these feelings.

Overall, I loved this book. I am giving it a 4.5 because there were a few moments in the stories that were a little slow, but it was still really freaking good!!
  
Sheepy Time
Sheepy Time
2021 | Animals, Card Game
Have you ever had trouble falling asleep? One method that supposedly helps lull you into a gentle slumber is counting sheep – imagine sheep prancing across a field and jumping over a fence. What seems like a simple and mundane task to us is actually a full-time job for these Dream Sheep! So put on your PJ’s, lace up your slippers (?), and clock in for a night of fence-jumping, all while avoiding the spooky Nightmares that will try to scare you awake!

Disclaimer: We were provided with a copy of Sheepy Time for the purposes of this preview. What you see pictured below are the retail components. -L

Sheepy Time is a push-your-luck game in which players take on the roles of Dream Sheep, tasked with helping humans fall asleep. Played over a series of rounds, players will take turns racing their Sheep around the board, using special Dream powers, and avoiding the Nightmare that lurks around the board. The player that earns the most points (as described in the rules) will be declared the dreamiest sheep of all! To setup for a game, place the board within reach of all players and attach the Fence between spaces 10 and 1. Place the scoreboard and Pillow Reference tile nearby, and give all players a Sheep, Wink, Pillow, and Zzz tokens in their chosen color. Select one of the three provided Nightmares to use this game, shuffle their cards into the deck of Sheep cards, and place the Nightmare meeple in the center of the board. Shuffle the Dream tiles, drawing and placing one randomly on spaces 1 and 5 of the board, and reveal four more tiles to create a market. Place all Pillow tokens on the 40 Winks space of the scoreboard, choose a starting player, and the game is ready to begin!

Each round of Sheepy Time is broken into two phases: the Racing phase, and the Resting phase. To begin the Racing phase, all players will draw 2 cards into their hand. A turn consists of 4 steps: Play a card, Use Dream tiles, Resolve Fence crossing, and Draw cards. The first action you will take on your turn is to play a card from your hand. Most cards will have you move your Sheep around the board a set number of spaces, or will give you the option to ‘Catch some Zzz’s’ (place one of your Zzz tokens on a Dream tile in play). The next step, if applicable, is to use Dream tiles. Dream tiles provide special/extra abilities that can be beneficial to you. In order to use a Dream tile, however, you must have a Zzz token on it – remove your Zzz token from the tile to use its power. So you’ve got to decide when to move your Sheep, or when it’s necessary to Catch some Zzz’s! The third step is to resolve Fence crossing, if applicable. If a cards movement causes your Sheep to cross the Fence, you immediately gain 5 Winks (on the Scoreboard), and decide whether to keep playing this round or ‘Call it a Night.’ If you decide to keep playing, you move to step 4, and draw a new card into your hand. If you Call it a Night, you will discard your hand, and sit out for the remainder of this Racing phase.


If at any point in the Racing phase, you draw a Nightmare card, it must immediately be revealed and resolved. The Nightmare moves around the board, much like the Sheep, but it will Scare any Sheep that it passes! Being Scared once is ok, but if you were to be Scared AGAIN, you get Woken Up, lose all Winks for this round, and are out of the Racing phase. If the Nightmare completes a lap of the board and crosses the Fence before all players have Called it a Night, the remaining players get Woken Up. How risky are you willing to be once the Nightmare comes into play? That’s for you to decide. Once all players have either Called it a Night or been Woken Up, the Racing phase ends. Check the scoreboard for a winner – when a player earns enough Winks in the Racing phase to surpass their Pillow token. If nobody has met that requirement, players will lower their Pillow tokens by the amount specified on the Pillow Reference tile. The lower you can get your Pillow token, the fewer Winks you need to get to win in future rounds! When all Pillow tokens have been adjusted, the game moves to the Resting phase. In this phase, each player will have the choice to either add a new Dream tile to the board, or to Catch 2 Zzz’s. In turn order, players can select one of the Dream tiles from the market to place on an open space of the board, or place 2 Zzz tokens on Dream tiles in play. When everyone has performed their action, the round ends and a new Racing phase begins. Play continues in this manner until one player has been declared the winner!

I’m not typically a fan of push-your-luck games, but Sheepy Time really surprised me! Yes, that mechanic is definitely present in the gameplay, but there is also quite a bit of strategic variability that makes turns feel a little more controlled. The Dream tiles in play will always be different, providing unique abilities to help give you a strategic boost during play. And you always have 2 cards to decide between to play – you are not limited to only one course of action each turn. So yes, there is a riskiness involved with how many laps you think you can get, can you avoid the Nightmare, etc. But there is also a light element of strategy that makes the game more exciting for me. The gameplay itself is also very smooth and intuitive. The turn order makes sense and the flow of the game is pretty seamless. It is fast to teach and learn, and even though the box says 30-45 minutes, it feels fast to play.

Let me touch on components for a minute. As I said earlier, this is a retail copy of the game, and the production quality is great. The cardboard components are nice and thick, the wooden meeples are large and cute, and the overall art style reflects the theme and lightness of the game well. I want to mention that the insert is nice as well – I know it doesn’t effect the gameplay, but it makes set-up/tear-down quick and efficient. AEG definitely knocked it over the fence (get it?) with the production of this game!

So where does Sheepy Time fit into my collection? I think it’s a great game to use to introduce newer gamers to the hobby. The rules and gameplay are not overwhelming, but they offer more of a modern gaming feel than some of the older classics. I would even say that this game can be used with younger gamers as well – take out the Dream tile powers, and just race to see who can earn the most Winks before the Nightmare gets them, or something like that! It is really accessible for everyone, and that earns a big thumbs up from me. So if you’re not quite sure what to think of this game based on the theme/art style, I can assure you that the gameplay is quite excellent. When Sheepy Time hits retail, make sure you jump at the chance to play this game. Definitely don’t sleep on it.
  
Captain Marvel (2019)
Captain Marvel (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure
Following the traumatic and devastating events of last years Avengers: Infinity War, Captain Marvel finally arrives on our screens with huge expectation, anticipation and excitement. As Nick Fury was reduced to dust in the final moments of Infinity War, along with half of all living things in the universe, we saw that he'd just managed to send out an SOS message. The recipient of that message was revealed to be Captain Marvel, so far absent from the cinematic universe but labelled outside of it as "Marvel's biggest female hero", and "quite possibly Marvel's mightiest Avenger". With mad Titan Thanos still on the loose, and half of all life to restore, there's clearly a great deal resting on her shoulders. Thankfully we'll get to see how that all plays out in just over a month when Endgame hits our cinemas, but in the meantime we need to get up to speed on the origins of Captain Marvel.

But this isn't your standard origin story. When we first join Captain Marvel, or Vers as she is currently known, she is already part of the Kree Starforce, fighting alongside her mentor Yon-Rogg (Jude Law) as they take on shape-shifting enemies, the Skrulls. She already has a considerable amount of power, although she has no memory of how exactly she came about it, or of any kind of life preceding it. Following an early morning bit of fight training, with Yon-Rogg urging her to try and control her emotions and her power, it's straight into the action as the Starforce team are sent out on an important field mission. Things don't quite go according to plan though, and when they're ambushed by a group of Skrulls, Vers is kidnapped by Skrull commander Talos (Ben Mendelsohn) and taken to their ship for interrogation.

The interrogation has a kind of Total Recall effect on Vers - unlocking memories of her life as a child, growing up with friends, military training and more. She manages to mount an escape, fleeing the ship and crash landing on planet C-53 (or as we know it, Earth), along with a bunch of Skrulls. She lands in the middle of a Blockbuster video store, with the Skrulls landing on a nearby beach and assuming the shape of some surfing humans in order to blend in with the locals. It's not long before the dramatic arrival has drawn the attention of a couple of SHIELD agents by the name of Fury and Coulson, both looking a lot younger than we're used to, due to the fact that we're in 1995. The de-aging effect, used sparingly but impressively in previous Marvel movies is simply incredible here, given that it is being relied upon for the entire movie in order to make the young Nick Fury believable. And it totally works too.

Up until this point in the movie, I felt that it was all just a little bit bland. We don't really get much time to get acquainted with our hero, or the alien world she inhabits, and the space-team-field-mission elements have all been done previously, and much better, in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. Coincidentally, Ronan and Korath who star in those movies both appear early on in Captain Marvel, providing some nice backstory for them and a link to the rest of the cinematic universe. It's only when Vers arrives on Earth, and teams up with Nick Fury in order to stop the Skrull invasion, that the movie really finds its footing, becoming a great deal more interesting and enjoyable. Things really lighten up too, accompanied by a great 90s soundtrack and giving off a cool 90s buddy cop movie vibe. It's also great to see Nick Fury acting much less serious and having a lot more to do than in previous Marvel movies. As for Vers, we finally begin to learn a lot more about her too as she begins to piece together her forgotten history and learn more about her life on Earth as Carol Danvers.

The movie is made all the more fun by a couple of very good additional characters. Ben Mendelsohn is outstanding as Talos, providing just the right combination of menace and humour. Special mention also for Goose the cat, who joins Danvers and Fury on their journey. Although, if you're familiar with the comics (where he is known as Chewie), you'll know that there's more to him that meets the eye and he literally manages to steal every single scene he's in, providing some of the movies laugh out loud and surprising moments.

The final third of the movie is where things really kick in though with Carol Danvers unlocking her full potential, despite being repeatedly told throughout life that she's too emotional and too weak. Unleashing hell in an epic, breathtaking and extremely satisfying space battle. With just over a month to go until the release of Endgame, Thanos better be scared. He's not going to know what hit him!
  
Captain Marvel (2019)
Captain Marvel (2019)
2019 | Action, Adventure
Marvel just about manages to pull it off
With a touching tribute to the amazing Stan Lee, it’s clear from the outset that Captain Marvel isn’t going to be your ordinary MCU instalment, or so Marvel Studios would have us believe. The 21stfilm, yes, I can’t quite believe it either, in the long-standing Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain Marvel is the first superhero film from the studio to focus primarily on a single female lead.

Astounding really that a franchise started by all intents and purposes way back in 2008 with Iron Man and has grossed billion after billion at the box-office hasn’t felt the need to offer a big tentpole movie to a female hero. But history aside, Captain Marvel has finally landed. Are we looking at one of Marvel’s greats?

Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) is an extra-terrestrial Kree warrior who finds herself caught in the middle of an intergalactic battle between her people and the Skrulls. Living on Earth in 1995, she keeps having recurring memories of another life as U.S. Air Force pilot Carol Danvers. With help from Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson), Captain Marvel tries to uncover the secrets of her past while harnessing her special superpowers to end the war with the evil Skrulls.

Directed by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck in their first big-budget blockbuster, Captain Marvel shows, if you’ll pardon the pun, flecks of brilliance while battling a fairly average origins story for what could be described as Marvel’s most powerful hero.

Where it does shine throughout is in its casting. We’ll get to the titular hero shortly but Samuel L Jackson’s performance across the film is exceptional. Beautifully de-aged without the off-putting uncanny valley treatment we occasionally get with these types of visual effects, he’s a highlight of the film and the chemistry he shares with Larson is believable and enjoyable to watch.

Clearly not afraid of being typecast is Ben Mendelsohn who has played some tremendous villains over the course of his career. From Rogue One to Ready Player One, the Australian actor clearly feels right at home as Skrull leader, Talos.

Though hidden behind layers of prosthetics for the majority of the movie, he comes across much better than poor Oscar Issac did in X-Men: Apocalypse. Unfortunately, the film does lack a menacing villain throughout however, but this isn’t down to Mendelsohn’s performance which is spot on.

While the action is filmed with aplomb and there are some cracking set pieces, they feel a little ordinary and lacking in originality
Brie Larson is good, but her story arc is hampered by a bout of amnesia, used to progress the story. It’s a poor scripting decision by the film’s five writers but a necessary one to deal with all the Marvel lore and baggage that comes with creating the 21staddition to a very interlinked series. It’s a shame that this is the case as Larson shares wonderful chemistry with all her co-stars and is let down by her at-times clunky dialogue.

When it comes to the visual effects, we’ve got a story of two halves. This is a $152million movie and with that comes a set of expectations that just aren’t fulfilled consistently enough. Some of the CGI used is incredibly poor and the Kree’s home planet of Hala feels hollow – worlds away from Sakaar and Nova Prime from other Marvel outings. It could almost be compared to that of the Star Wars sequels, though perhaps that’s being a little too harsh.

The cinematography too is bland. Ben Davis is one of the finest cinematographers working in the industry and has put his name to films like Doctor Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy, Kick-Ass and Avengers: Age of Ultron to name but a few. But here, he seems to lack that flair he’s so often known for and while the action is filmed with aplomb and there are some cracking set pieces, they feel a little ordinary and lacking in originality.

Thankfully Captain Marvel retains that classic Marvel sense of humour that we all know and love and there are some genuinely touching moments as the titular hero begins to remember who she is. It also feels very much of the era it’s set in and that’s great. 90s music and a real 90s feel emanate from the screen and it’s here that the film scores highly.

Overall, Captain Marvel is a competent but not outstanding origins story that lacks consistent visual effects, a truly compelling script and engaging cinematography. While it is difficult to warm to Brie Larson’s Carol Danvers at times, it is testament to her acting ability that she remains likeable throughout – it’s just a shame that Marvel hasn’t quite managed to pull it off completely this time around.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2019/03/08/captain-marvel-review-marvel-just-about-manages-to-pull-it-off/
  
The Meg (2018)
The Meg (2018)
2018 | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
Jurassic Shark
Ah the shark attack movie. A genre that has over the years changed itself from impactful horror suspense thriller to cheesy, throwaway popcorn entertainment. Apart from when Steven Spielberg changed cinema forever with his 1975 masterpiece, Jaws, audiences have been given few treats in the decades that followed.

Deep Blue Sea was a tasteful homage to its forbearer, but even that was riddled in cliché and was much more of a brain-numbing creature feature than Jaws was. And then came Sharknado and its raft of dreadfully titled sequels. Look back through cinema history and you’ll see that sharks are big business in Hollywood.

Now, as we enter the final stages of 2018, Jason Statham stars in perhaps the most preposterous shark movie yet, yes, even more preposterous than Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! But sometimes preposterous can be fun. Is that the case here?

A massive creature attacks a deep-sea submersible, leaving it disabled and trapping the crew at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. With time running out, rescue diver Jonas Taylor (Statham) must save the crew and the ocean itself from an unimaginable threat – a 75-foot-long prehistoric shark known as the Megalodon.

Jon Turteltaub, who directed delicacies like National Treasure and Cool Runnings takes to The Meg like, well a duck to water. It’s filled with tantalising action sequences and Jason Statham spouting marine biology jargon including a scene in which the Hollywood star is shirtless whilst spouting marine biology jargon. What more could you want?

Quite a bit as it happens. Despite a solid opening act that sets up the dark humour of the film nicely, The Meg is a bit of a bore. Populated by bland characters, uninspiring CGI and plot holes so big they’d make the Marianas trench blush. It’s all a bit of a mess to be honest.

The Meg is one of a new breed of Hollywood blockbusters that has been made to pander to the new Chinese audience and while this has worked well for other high-budget movies like Pacific Rim, it doesn’t work quite as well here. Li Bingbing stars as marine biologist Suyin Zhang and whilst she performs well in her native tongue, her English-spoken scenes are stilted and lack any depth of emotion whatsoever.

In fact, outside of Statham, the rest of the cast are complete non-entities. Rainn Wilson provides some comic relief as a financial investor, but it’s all very B-movie and clearly not in the way it was intended. You see, when you know you have a ridiculous premise, the best thing to do is run with it and create the most insanely bizarre film in existence. Unfortunately, The Meg takes itself far too seriously and this makes it feel much longer than its running time would suggest. They could’ve gotten away with calling it ‘Jason Statham Shark Movie’ as that’ pretty much the premise in a nutshell.

It’s occasionally fun and could have been smashing fun, but in reality, it’s a bit of a damp squib
At a cost just shy of $200million, you’d expect to have Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom levels of special effects. They actually cost around the same to produce. In truth, The Meg can’t hold a candle to its land-based prehistoric cousin. The CGI is passable at best and really dreadful at worst and this is a real shame. When the main selling point of your film is a 75-foot shark, you really need to get it spot on.

Besides a couple of cool shots, one of which is the featured image for this particular review (see the image at the top of the header banner), the cinematography is absolutely uninspired.

When you have a film that features so much ocean, there are a multitude of amazing things you could achieve with the shot choices. Unfortunately, none of them have been realised here.

Elsewhere, there is something a little more sinister afoot. Sharks already get a seriously bad reputation and this film does nothing to quash that. With many species now unfortunately endangered, films like The Meg could do more harm than good. It portrays all sharks as merciless killers – proficient and deadly. If it did want to be a serious shark attack flick, it should have relied less on goofy comedy and more on raising awareness for the creatures.

We’ve now had three ‘creature feature’ films thus far into 2018. Starting with Rampage earlier in the year, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom in June and now The Meg, and whilst each of them brings something unique to the table, The Meg sinks to the bottom of the seafloor. It’s occasionally fun and could have been smashing fun, but in reality, it’s a bit of a damp squib. The Meg is a shark movie without any bite.

https://moviemetropolis.net/2018/08/11/the-meg-review-jurassic-shark/
  
Samurai Spirit
Samurai Spirit
2014 | Animals, Fantasy, Fighting
One of the best parts of the board gaming experience is finding a fun group of people with whom to play! Sometimes, though, coordinating a game night is easier said than done. We all must occasionally forego the group experience and face the world as the Lonely Only. But fear not! The world of solo-play is a vast and exciting realm! What follows is a chronicle of my journey into the solo-playing world – notes on gameplay, mechanics, rules, difficulty, and overall experience with solo variations of commonly multiplayer games! I hope this will provide some insight as you continue to grow your collection, or explore your already owned games!

As a Samurai, you spend your life traveling across the land to help those in need. Most recently, you and a handful of other Samurai have been contracted by a small village to defend them against a clan of invading raiders. Only by working together, and by using your extensive training, will you succeed in keeping this village safe!

Samurai Spirit is a cooperative game of press-your-luck. Players take on the role of a Samurai, each with a unique power, and take turns drawing cards and fighting off the invaders or offering support to your fellow Samurai. Invaders can have recurring negative effects, so strategize wisely on how best to combat them and see how far you can push your luck each round. If you are able to survive through 3 rounds (waves) of invaders with at least one surviving farmstead and family, the Samurai are victorious and the village is saved! If any of the Samurai are killed, or the village has been completely destroyed by invaders, then the game is lost. As a solo game, Samurai Spirit plays essentially the same as in group play, with only 2 main differences – the solo player controls 2 Samurai instead of 1, and the support tokens from the unused Samurai are each available for use once during the game.

For such a neat theme, this game falls short for me. It seems simple enough, but there are areas of ambiguity in the rules that lead to some confusion. For starters, the text size is so small that I am not able to find any information at a quick glance! The text itself is not always clear either – like when, at the end of a round, the rules say to collect all cards used this round, does that include cards that have been discarded due to Samurai abilities? How about the cards of the Intruder stack that are presumably discarded after being revealed? The rulebook offers no clarification, and I honestly still don’t know the right answer.

The order/layout of the rules feels mismatched too – relevant information is not always grouped together, and I find myself flipping between several pages at a time trying to figure out one single thing. For example, in the ‘Fight’ action description, it says that if you reach your Kiai value exactly, you can activate your Kiai ability. You have to turn the page to a different section to see exactly what activating that ability means, and then you have to flip an additional 2 more pages to see what each individual Kiai ability is! Why not just put them all in one place? It would certainly be easier to understand if all relevant information was grouped together.

The prominent mechanic of Samurai Spirit is press-your-luck, and I would definitely say that this game is very luck-based. When setting up the game, the initial deck of cards is randomly selected and that can impact whether or not you are able to complete certain requirements each round – if there aren’t enough hat/farm/doll cards for each Samurai, you are guaranteed to incur a penalty at the end of every round. Actual gameplay is very luck-based too, and for me it feels like there are no good ways to strategize – your choices are all dependent on the luck of the draw. You can push your luck to draw more cards and use special abilities, but since you are suffering from recurring penalties each turn, it feels futile to keep going at a certain point.

For me, Samurai Spirit is repetitive and kind of boring – suffer penalty, draw card, and repeat until you eventually pass or the deck runs out. It’s like a too-complicated version of blackjack in which the deck is stacked against you. It’s such a bummer because the theme and artwork are neat, and the gameplay (in theory, at least) should be effective. But the actual execution is too reliant on luck to be successful.

I do quite a bit of solo gaming, but this game is never one that I willingly decide to play. I honestly only broke it out recently as a refresher for this review. Perhaps it is better at higher player counts, but since that is not where most of my gaming occurs, Samurai Spirit is a dud for me.

https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/02/06/solo-chronicles-samurai-spirit/
  
Tiny Epic Zombies
Tiny Epic Zombies
2018 | Collectible Components, Horror, Zombie / Survivalist
Who doesn’t love a day at the mall? Hanging out with friends, hitting the food court, checking out the sales at your favorite stores, trying to survive a zombie apocalypse, the possibilities are endless! Wait, what? Zombie apocalypse? Definitely NOT what you had in mind when you planned your trip to the mall, but it looks like you’re caught in the midst! The stores are in disarray and the mall is a mass of chaos (picture Black Friday shopping), and you need to get out! You and a band of survivors must fend off a hoard of zombies while collecting supplies and completing communal objectives in order to make it out alive!

Our next Tiny Epic game review brings us to the world of Zombies! Travis and I kickstarted this game last year, and it’s been a unique addition to the Tiny Epic series. Don’t let the adorable zombies fool you – the game requires a good amount of teamwork and strategy to be successful! And it can be played either cooperatively or competitively – a choice that I have not seen executed in a game before. So read on, fellow gamers, to decide if you have what it takes to survive this zombie infestation alive!

Disclaimer: There are 5 different game modes for Tiny Epic Zombies, but we have only played the completely Cooperative Game vs. an AI Zombie player. Once we have played the other game modes, we will either amend this review or write a new one! – L

Welcome to Tiny Epic Zombies – a cooperative game in which players must successfully complete 3 objectives before they are overrun by zombies. Players take on the role of mall-goers (each with a special ability) who have thus far survived the zombie outbreak. Players will move throughout the mall, battling zombies and picking up supplies, while working towards completing communal objectives. If all 3 objectives are completed, the players win! If the Search Deck runs out, or if the zombies take control of the courtyard and its remaining survivors, the players have lost the game.

For such a ‘tiny’ game, there really is a lot going on. Each player’s turn consists of 3 moves, after each of which the player may A) kill a zombie, B) use room abilities and/or interact with tokens, and C) collect items. It is important to note, players may only perform the B and C actions if there are no zombies remaining in any room of their current store. At the end of their turn, the player will reveal their Search Card (drawn blindly), and will add zombies to the mall accordingly. After zombies are added, the player blindly draws a new Search Card, and play continues. If the Search Deck runs out at any point in the game, players get one final turn to complete their objectives, otherwise they lose!

Simple, right? Not exactly. I know for me, personally, it can be hard to keep track of my turns since each of your 3 moves could potentially allow you to perform 3 additional actions. Turns can get a little muddled with so much to do if you are not paying close attention. After a few plays, it gets easier to remember the turn order, but even then I still keep the rule book on hand to double-check all of my turns.

Ultimately, the thing that can make or break a game is what objectives the players are trying to complete. You shuffle, randomly draw 3 objectives, and go from there. Some objectives are pretty involved and require lots of action to complete, while others are pretty straight-forward and simple. If you draw 3 tough ones (like we did in our first game together), it could be very difficult to succeed. The right combination of objectives can make the game super fun, but unless you hand-pick them for a balanced game, there’s always the chance you’ll get the hardest ones at once. Regarding the objectives though, I do really like that this game can be cooperative – everyone must pitch in to help, and no single player is the ‘hero.’ You have to work closely with the other players to determine the best strategy in order to complete the objectives as quickly as possible. Some objectives can be a challenge for sure, but being able to divvy up certain responsibilities can help make the game feel more manageable.

Overall, I like this game because it’s cute (just look at those little zombies!), cooperative (yay teamwork!), and challenging. There’s kind of a learning curve for turn order, but once you get the hang of it, and collectively figure out the best strategy for objective completion, the game is pretty enjoyable! Purple Phoenix Games gives this installment a bloodied 17 / 24.

https://purplephoenixgames.wordpress.com/2019/01/14/tiny-epic-zombies-reviews/
  
Death Race (2008)
Death Race (2008)
2008 | Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi
5
7.1 (12 Ratings)
Movie Rating
In 1975, legendary B-movie producer Roger Corman showed audiences a look at the near future with a biting film that deftly blended action and political commentary and satire. The film was “Death Race 2000” and starred David Carradine and featured a pre-“Rocky” Sylvester Stallone as bitter rivals in a brutal cross country race where finishing first was second only to the amount of death and carnage a driver left in their wake.

The film became a cult hit, and paved the way for films such as “Rollerball”, “Arena”, and countless other films that featured bloodlust sporting events for the masses a la Rome in the age of gladiators at the coliseum. Thirty-three years later, audiences are given the new and upgraded “Death Race” which benefits from a bigger budget with more carnage than the original film that inspired it ever dreamed of.
The film opens with an eerie warning of today’s troubled economic times, stating that the U.S.
economy collapses in 2012 and record unemployment and crime sweep the nation. With prisons overcrowded, corporations run correctional facilities for a profit and soon offer caged matches between inmates for the viewing pleasure of the nation. At first the matches are a huge success but soon lose their appeal to an audience that is eager for even bloodier sport.

In an effort to keep the cash flowing, the Death Race is created which pits convicts against one another in a brutal mix of speed, firepower, and death which in a few years surpasses even the Super Bowl as the most watched sporting event in the world.

Jason Statham stars as Jensen Ames, a former race driver who is framed for the murder of his wife and faces the prospect of life in prison while his daughter is raised by strangers. With the Death Race losing some if its audience, its creator, and warden of the prison, Hennessey (Joan Allen), offers Jensen a solution to both of their problems. If Jensen will pose as the masked Frankenstein for the race and win, he will be granted his freedom. It is learned that the real Frankenstein has finally succumbed to the numerous injuries he has incurred racing, and rather than risk losing his vast legions of fans who drive the ratings, it is easier to replace him than lose him, especially since recent races without Frankenstein had not garnered the same ratings as his past races.

It is explained that should a driver win five death races, they will be set free. Since Frankenstein has won four races, all Jensen has to do is win the race and stay alive to earn his freedom. Jensen is faced with an menacing list of adversaries including the deadly Machine Gun Joe (Tyrese Gibson), who is the biggest threat to Jensen with an absolute hatred for Frankenstein. Gun Joe is a cold-blooded killer who wants nothing more than two more race wins to earn his freedom and will stop at nothing to get it.

Jensen is assisted by the talented Coach (Ian McShane), who dispenses wisdom while overseeing the crew that outfits Jensen’s suped up, armor-plated, and very heavily armed racer. Assigned to ride with Jensen as his Navigator is Case (Natalie Martinez), a female prisoner who, like many of her fellow navigators, sees the race as a chance to earn their freedom and other special perks which makes risking their lives a worthwhile endeavor.

As the race unfolds in three stages, Jensen is tasked with not only surviving the threats Machine Gun Joe and the other racers aim his way, but surviving the twisted scheme that has him in its grasp.
The action of the film is fast, brutal, and unforgiving and is easily the highlight of the film. Sadly there are plenty of scenes with stiff and uninspired characters, numerous plot holes and leaps of logic, and clichés that bog the film down.

Statham is his usual soft talking hard man, a character he has made a career out of playing in such films as the “Crank” and the “Transporter” series. But unlike those films, he is not given much material to work with here. Statham has done solid work in the past but Jensen is a paper thin character who never fully given a chance to develop nor be embraced by the audience.

The same is true for the rest of the cast, a talented ensemble left to languish in want of better material. The film is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson of the “Resident Evil” series who once again shows that he has an eye for action, but still has issues with pacing and unsympathetic characters. This is a shame as the premise of the film is solid, but unlike the original, lacks the social and political commentary needed to balance the carnage and mayhem.

With a little more time in shop and tinkering, this could have been a solid action film, instead it stalls at the starting line badly in need of a tune up.