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Much Ado About Nauticaling
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The bubbly fun of a rom-com meets the irresistible quirkiness of a cozy mystery in this buoyant new...
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In this app, children can experience many exciting adventures with a fire truck, a spaceship, and a...
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What’s more fun than a day at the beach? A beach picnic! Once you’ve spent time making sand...
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Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Underwater (2020) in Movies
Feb 16, 2020 (Updated Feb 16, 2020)
Frenetic action in murky water - baffling (2 more)
Scientific inconsistencies
Waterlogged Alien wannabe
Soggy and forgettable
I had a sinking feeling (excuse the pun) about this movie from the word go. It's a lazy approach to 'mansplain' the whole set up for the movie through digital news posts during the main titles. It feels more patronising to the audience than having main titles and then a 'Star Wars-style' synopsis.
Once into the movie, director William Eubank gives us the bare minimum of character set-up for our heroine while she brushes her teeth*. (And no way did she even follow the British Dental Association recommendation of two minutes brushing!) (* Interestingly, the trailer seems to show some above water scenes/dialogue and introductions to the rest of the crew that never made the final cut.)
And then....
BAM!!!
I was thinking that the manic action that follows was some sort of dream or flashback. But no. We are pitched headlong into the story without pause as disaster strikes. It all feels positively indecent.
For we are seven miles down in the Mariana trench, when a drilling station springs a leak.
Now call me a cynic, but I would have *thought* that, at that depth, a single leak would implode the whole station in about 10 seconds flat. But then that wouldn't be cinematic enough, and would be a much shorter movie!
And there are numerous other scientific implausibilities. For example, diving helmets that appear to be able to withstand 15,750 psi of pressure (I Googled it) can be smashed-in by a woman by just bashing it.
Sigh.
We are in 'Alien-lite' territory again. Just as in last year's "The Meg", those pesky humans have disturbed something in its home territory.... and it's suitably pissed-off. The action centres on hippy-chick engineer Norah (Kristen Stewart). The script neatly describes her as a "flat-chested elfin creature"... a fact which every male in the audience has thought (come on guys, admit it , you did!) from the immediately preceding scene.
It was never entirely clear to me what skills Norah was supposed to have.... it seemed to flex from diving to electrical engineering to computer engineering.
Stewart is a handy actress to have in a movie, but here she is mostly relegated to lots of shots of her athletic body running through corridors in her skimpy crop-top and knickers.
Supporting Stewart are veteran French actor Vincent Cassel as the mission captain; "the funny one" Paul (T.J. Miller); the trusty male action figure Smith (John Gallagher Jr.); and Emily - the 'less-flat chested but screamy one' (Jessica Henwick). Emily also gets to run around in a T-shirt and knickers: you kind of quickly get to know the audience the film is trying to appeal to.
As will be obvious if you've seen any of these types of film before, not all of these folks are going to make it.
As this movie is presumably filmed in a small water tank in a Louisiana studio. Clearly the memo said "fill it with murky water so the audience can't see the sides". "And just for good measure, let's film it with hand-help rapidly moving cameras". The result is that a lot of the time, when there was a burst of frenetic underwater action, I had NO IDEA what was actually going on.
In this way, the movie reminded me of the shark B-movie "47 Metres Down" from a few years ago.
This is certainly not "Alien". Although similarly set, this is not "The Abyss" either. It's most similar perhaps to "Life", but without the clever twist ending.
It's also not a truly TERRIBLE movie either. But unfortunately this is one of the most "meh" action movies I've seen in the past year. It's just brain-crushingly forgettable.
There was only one vaguely memorable shot in the whole movie: a final shot of Kristen Stewart. But that just serves to make me think.... 'Stewart deserves much better than this'.
For a movie concerning itself with a lack of oxygen, watching this felt like a waste of it.
(For the full graphical review, please check out One Mann's Movies here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/02/15/one-manns-movies-film-review-underwater-2020/ ).
Once into the movie, director William Eubank gives us the bare minimum of character set-up for our heroine while she brushes her teeth*. (And no way did she even follow the British Dental Association recommendation of two minutes brushing!) (* Interestingly, the trailer seems to show some above water scenes/dialogue and introductions to the rest of the crew that never made the final cut.)
And then....
BAM!!!
I was thinking that the manic action that follows was some sort of dream or flashback. But no. We are pitched headlong into the story without pause as disaster strikes. It all feels positively indecent.
For we are seven miles down in the Mariana trench, when a drilling station springs a leak.
Now call me a cynic, but I would have *thought* that, at that depth, a single leak would implode the whole station in about 10 seconds flat. But then that wouldn't be cinematic enough, and would be a much shorter movie!
And there are numerous other scientific implausibilities. For example, diving helmets that appear to be able to withstand 15,750 psi of pressure (I Googled it) can be smashed-in by a woman by just bashing it.
Sigh.
We are in 'Alien-lite' territory again. Just as in last year's "The Meg", those pesky humans have disturbed something in its home territory.... and it's suitably pissed-off. The action centres on hippy-chick engineer Norah (Kristen Stewart). The script neatly describes her as a "flat-chested elfin creature"... a fact which every male in the audience has thought (come on guys, admit it , you did!) from the immediately preceding scene.
It was never entirely clear to me what skills Norah was supposed to have.... it seemed to flex from diving to electrical engineering to computer engineering.
Stewart is a handy actress to have in a movie, but here she is mostly relegated to lots of shots of her athletic body running through corridors in her skimpy crop-top and knickers.
Supporting Stewart are veteran French actor Vincent Cassel as the mission captain; "the funny one" Paul (T.J. Miller); the trusty male action figure Smith (John Gallagher Jr.); and Emily - the 'less-flat chested but screamy one' (Jessica Henwick). Emily also gets to run around in a T-shirt and knickers: you kind of quickly get to know the audience the film is trying to appeal to.
As will be obvious if you've seen any of these types of film before, not all of these folks are going to make it.
As this movie is presumably filmed in a small water tank in a Louisiana studio. Clearly the memo said "fill it with murky water so the audience can't see the sides". "And just for good measure, let's film it with hand-help rapidly moving cameras". The result is that a lot of the time, when there was a burst of frenetic underwater action, I had NO IDEA what was actually going on.
In this way, the movie reminded me of the shark B-movie "47 Metres Down" from a few years ago.
This is certainly not "Alien". Although similarly set, this is not "The Abyss" either. It's most similar perhaps to "Life", but without the clever twist ending.
It's also not a truly TERRIBLE movie either. But unfortunately this is one of the most "meh" action movies I've seen in the past year. It's just brain-crushingly forgettable.
There was only one vaguely memorable shot in the whole movie: a final shot of Kristen Stewart. But that just serves to make me think.... 'Stewart deserves much better than this'.
For a movie concerning itself with a lack of oxygen, watching this felt like a waste of it.
(For the full graphical review, please check out One Mann's Movies here - https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/02/15/one-manns-movies-film-review-underwater-2020/ ).
Hey Duggee: The Big Outdoor App
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**** As seen on Nick Jr. **** Welcome to the Big Outdoors, Squirrels! Introducing the latest app...
5 Minute Movie Guy (379 KP) rated 47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019) in Movies
Aug 26, 2019
I love a good shark movie. Since as far back as I can remember, I have been fascinated by sharks. I think they’re some of the most interesting creatures on our planet. Even when I was a kid, I used to wear shark tooth necklaces because I thought they were so cool. Basically any time you’ve got sharks in a movie, I’m all in for it. Amusingly enough, that same sentiment does not apply to video games where I think they’re terrifying! (Jaws on the original Nintendo freaked-me-out as a child.) Having said all that, I was excited to see 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, even though I missed out on the original film back in 2017. Johannes Roberts, the director of the minimalistic first film, 47 Meters Down, returns for this sequel and brings back the great white sharks, but shakes up for the formula a bit by adding an underwater maze to the mix.
The sequel focuses on teenaged loner Mia (Sophie Nélisse) who has recently relocated to Mexico with her father and step-family. Her father Grant (John Corbett) scouts and maps out underwater locations for a living, and has recently discovered an ancient sunken Mayan city. With the help of his two assistants, he’s currently in the process of mapping out its maze-like design. One day, Mia joins her sister Sasha (Corinne Foxx) whose two friends, Alexa (Brianne Tju) and Nicole (Sistine Stallone), take them to a hidden local cove for a day of fun. This location turns out to be one of the entrances to the historic labyrinth that Mia’s father Grant has been exploring. Alexa, who once dated one of Grant’s assistants, had gone diving with this former boyfriend into the submerged city before. Upon finding enough extra scuba gear for all of them on a floating dock in this isolated cove, Alexa pressures her friends into joining her on a brief underwater tour that ends up being anything but.
This sunken Mayan labyrinth that the four girls go inside to explore is the setting for most of the film. They’re supposed to be following Alexa, who knows part of the maze well enough to navigate it without getting them lost, but their stubborn and defiant friend Nicole decides to venture off-course and winds up endangering them all. In the aftermath of Nicole’s senselessness, a pillar gets knocked over, creating a domino effect of destruction that causes the entrance they came in through to collapse and get sealed off. Now they’ll have to find another way out. With limited oxygen and even less light and visibility, the girls have to swim deeper into the maze to try to look for an exit.
Quickly the girls come to discover they’re not as alone in this labyrinth as they first thought, and they find themselves in the presence of great white sharks. These sharks, blind from living their whole lives in the darkness of this lost city, have their other senses heightened as a result, and they’re on the hunt for blood. The arrival of these sharks, however, opens up a big plot hole in the story. How is it that Mia’s father has never seen these deadly sharks nor made any reference to them when he’s already spent weeks, possibly even months, exploring this sunken city? I suppose it’s possible that in the collapse of the entrance, another passageway may have opened up that let the sharks in. However, that logic doesn’t hold up, because had they came in from outside, they wouldn’t be blind. These particular sharks evolved down here, so it’s hard to believe they were never noticed before, especially considering how violent and aggressive they are.
That’s far from being the only problem with these sharks, though. They also look flat out awful. The quality of their special effects in this film is simply pitiful. I’m not even exaggerating when I say they often reminded me of that infamously bad shark attack scene from Jaws 3D. They look so fake and unbelievable that instead of feeling any sense of fear when they randomly appeared, I couldn’t help but cringe. It literally looks almost as bad as the Sharknado movies, but the key difference is that unlike the intentionally campy Sharknado movies, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged is actually trying to take itself seriously. Plus it has even has double the budget to work with.
47 Meters Down: Uncaged takes a very lazy and bare-bones approach to filmmaking. The story lacks substance, the characters and dialogue lack depth, and the visuals throughout most of the film are muddied and unclear. It’s rough on the eyes because the visuals are so obscured and are shrouded in so much darkness that it’s hard to actually see what’s happening on screen. This is often exploited as a cheap tactic to create jump scares by having the sharks suddenly appear from literally out of nowhere, which seems especially hard to believe since it’s doubtful these large sharks could smoothly navigate most of these narrow passageways in the first place. Despite the restrictive maze design, the film fails to create a sense of claustrophobia, and instead just gave me a headache.
The story progression in the film mostly feels generic and expected. There are new complications that arise and circumstances that change, but it’s all pretty standard fare. The ending, however, sets up a decent scenario, but it ends up being ruined by how unrealistic it is. Besides, after wading through all of the garbage to get there, I couldn’t be bothered to care much at that point. The acting in the film is mostly poor, but truthfully they’re never given much to work with. It’s also difficult to keep track of who is who once they’re inside the maze anyway because the visuals are so muddled. The movie does feature its share of violence and death, but its light on the gore and to me it always felt unsatisfying.
In all, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged sinks right to the bottom of my rating list as the worst movie I’ve seen in 2019. It’s lazy and bland to the point of being exhausting. There’s ultimately not one single thing about it that I can sincerely commend. The only thing I’m probably going to remember this movie for is how dreadful it looks and the 90 minutes of boredom and disappointment it caused me.
The sequel focuses on teenaged loner Mia (Sophie Nélisse) who has recently relocated to Mexico with her father and step-family. Her father Grant (John Corbett) scouts and maps out underwater locations for a living, and has recently discovered an ancient sunken Mayan city. With the help of his two assistants, he’s currently in the process of mapping out its maze-like design. One day, Mia joins her sister Sasha (Corinne Foxx) whose two friends, Alexa (Brianne Tju) and Nicole (Sistine Stallone), take them to a hidden local cove for a day of fun. This location turns out to be one of the entrances to the historic labyrinth that Mia’s father Grant has been exploring. Alexa, who once dated one of Grant’s assistants, had gone diving with this former boyfriend into the submerged city before. Upon finding enough extra scuba gear for all of them on a floating dock in this isolated cove, Alexa pressures her friends into joining her on a brief underwater tour that ends up being anything but.
This sunken Mayan labyrinth that the four girls go inside to explore is the setting for most of the film. They’re supposed to be following Alexa, who knows part of the maze well enough to navigate it without getting them lost, but their stubborn and defiant friend Nicole decides to venture off-course and winds up endangering them all. In the aftermath of Nicole’s senselessness, a pillar gets knocked over, creating a domino effect of destruction that causes the entrance they came in through to collapse and get sealed off. Now they’ll have to find another way out. With limited oxygen and even less light and visibility, the girls have to swim deeper into the maze to try to look for an exit.
Quickly the girls come to discover they’re not as alone in this labyrinth as they first thought, and they find themselves in the presence of great white sharks. These sharks, blind from living their whole lives in the darkness of this lost city, have their other senses heightened as a result, and they’re on the hunt for blood. The arrival of these sharks, however, opens up a big plot hole in the story. How is it that Mia’s father has never seen these deadly sharks nor made any reference to them when he’s already spent weeks, possibly even months, exploring this sunken city? I suppose it’s possible that in the collapse of the entrance, another passageway may have opened up that let the sharks in. However, that logic doesn’t hold up, because had they came in from outside, they wouldn’t be blind. These particular sharks evolved down here, so it’s hard to believe they were never noticed before, especially considering how violent and aggressive they are.
That’s far from being the only problem with these sharks, though. They also look flat out awful. The quality of their special effects in this film is simply pitiful. I’m not even exaggerating when I say they often reminded me of that infamously bad shark attack scene from Jaws 3D. They look so fake and unbelievable that instead of feeling any sense of fear when they randomly appeared, I couldn’t help but cringe. It literally looks almost as bad as the Sharknado movies, but the key difference is that unlike the intentionally campy Sharknado movies, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged is actually trying to take itself seriously. Plus it has even has double the budget to work with.
47 Meters Down: Uncaged takes a very lazy and bare-bones approach to filmmaking. The story lacks substance, the characters and dialogue lack depth, and the visuals throughout most of the film are muddied and unclear. It’s rough on the eyes because the visuals are so obscured and are shrouded in so much darkness that it’s hard to actually see what’s happening on screen. This is often exploited as a cheap tactic to create jump scares by having the sharks suddenly appear from literally out of nowhere, which seems especially hard to believe since it’s doubtful these large sharks could smoothly navigate most of these narrow passageways in the first place. Despite the restrictive maze design, the film fails to create a sense of claustrophobia, and instead just gave me a headache.
The story progression in the film mostly feels generic and expected. There are new complications that arise and circumstances that change, but it’s all pretty standard fare. The ending, however, sets up a decent scenario, but it ends up being ruined by how unrealistic it is. Besides, after wading through all of the garbage to get there, I couldn’t be bothered to care much at that point. The acting in the film is mostly poor, but truthfully they’re never given much to work with. It’s also difficult to keep track of who is who once they’re inside the maze anyway because the visuals are so muddled. The movie does feature its share of violence and death, but its light on the gore and to me it always felt unsatisfying.
In all, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged sinks right to the bottom of my rating list as the worst movie I’ve seen in 2019. It’s lazy and bland to the point of being exhausting. There’s ultimately not one single thing about it that I can sincerely commend. The only thing I’m probably going to remember this movie for is how dreadful it looks and the 90 minutes of boredom and disappointment it caused me.
Phil Leader (619 KP) rated Havana Storm in Books
Nov 14, 2019
I've been reading some pretty demanding books recently and needed something a bit more lightweight and the Cussler template usually fits the bill. You always know what you are going to get and sometimes that's just what you need. I didn't expect this book to blow me away and it didn't - but it was better than my expectations.
This is another collaboration with Dirk Cussler and as usual it's hard to know how much of the book is down to Clive and how much to Dirk. But that's not the point. In this book you get lots of underwater action, 'bad guys' intent on making money and creating environmental disaster in the process and Cuban political intrigue.
In previous installments the children of Dirk Pitt (called Dirk and Summer) have sometimes appeared to have written in just to make sure they appear in the series leaving the actual meat of the story progression to the familiar team of Pitt and Giordino. But this is quite notable for the ensemble cast that get their hands dirty in the course of the story, especially when the usual pairings are split up and Pitt works with his daughter and Dirk is with Giordino.
There are the usual scrapes and death-defying escapes but again the reader is kept guessing as sometime the escapes leave the heroes free to continue their task of thwarting the bad guys but other times ingenious and risky plans work but end up with their almost immediate recapture.
Overall the book is indeed a little more realistic that previous ones (although still pretty far fetched). The threat is localised rather than global and the motivation of political power and greed seems plausible, as does the way the NUMA team pull the threads together to work out what is going on.
This is never going to be a must read book or on any kind of literary shortlist for me but for pure escapist adventure, it's really hard to beat.
Possibly one for Dirk Pitt fans only as the first few books are far superior, but a lot better than some installments in the series.
Rating: Some violence but not excessive
This is another collaboration with Dirk Cussler and as usual it's hard to know how much of the book is down to Clive and how much to Dirk. But that's not the point. In this book you get lots of underwater action, 'bad guys' intent on making money and creating environmental disaster in the process and Cuban political intrigue.
In previous installments the children of Dirk Pitt (called Dirk and Summer) have sometimes appeared to have written in just to make sure they appear in the series leaving the actual meat of the story progression to the familiar team of Pitt and Giordino. But this is quite notable for the ensemble cast that get their hands dirty in the course of the story, especially when the usual pairings are split up and Pitt works with his daughter and Dirk is with Giordino.
There are the usual scrapes and death-defying escapes but again the reader is kept guessing as sometime the escapes leave the heroes free to continue their task of thwarting the bad guys but other times ingenious and risky plans work but end up with their almost immediate recapture.
Overall the book is indeed a little more realistic that previous ones (although still pretty far fetched). The threat is localised rather than global and the motivation of political power and greed seems plausible, as does the way the NUMA team pull the threads together to work out what is going on.
This is never going to be a must read book or on any kind of literary shortlist for me but for pure escapist adventure, it's really hard to beat.
Possibly one for Dirk Pitt fans only as the first few books are far superior, but a lot better than some installments in the series.
Rating: Some violence but not excessive
Zach Smith (62 KP) rated Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) in Movies
Jan 17, 2020
What went wrong?
Contains spoilers, click to show
So in my review I will make very controversial statements. This movie should have been secured future funding for the series however it may have just done enough damage to bury the Terminator for good.
So they kill little fresh faced John in the first five minutes. Only to replace with the new standard of hero in our society, an empowered female. This is being overdone in Hollywood I believe causing people to become tired with the predictability of it. On top of that shit sandwich we have a President that has villainized an entire race of people (Mexicans) which has fueled hatred that has been lying dormant in Americas belly waiting to be vomited up from ques by the leader of the "free" world. Well the "new" John Conner is a female, Latino. So James Camron and friends make a movie that kills off a beloved resistance hero and replaces him with someone that the Trump Nation has been brain washed into believing is the enemy of America.
I'm all for the empowered female but they are over doing it, we now have four star wars movies where the heroic main character is an empowered female.
Onto the highlights: The new color of the Rev Terminator is great black, the idea of a liquid terminator was seen in Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines which I loved, however the new color and the energy this machine shows is pretty intense.
_ There is a zero G flight in a plane going down which is fucking fantastic!
-They drive an armored Humvee underwater, kinda lame.
-End fight sequence is at the Hoover dam which was pretty cool.
Luckily its all about time travel and if they decide to resurrect the franchise again maybe they can do a proper sequel where John lives to fight another day, however don't count on it.
I give the movie a snore factor of 0/10 because I never looked away from the screen even though it made me disappointed.
So they kill little fresh faced John in the first five minutes. Only to replace with the new standard of hero in our society, an empowered female. This is being overdone in Hollywood I believe causing people to become tired with the predictability of it. On top of that shit sandwich we have a President that has villainized an entire race of people (Mexicans) which has fueled hatred that has been lying dormant in Americas belly waiting to be vomited up from ques by the leader of the "free" world. Well the "new" John Conner is a female, Latino. So James Camron and friends make a movie that kills off a beloved resistance hero and replaces him with someone that the Trump Nation has been brain washed into believing is the enemy of America.
I'm all for the empowered female but they are over doing it, we now have four star wars movies where the heroic main character is an empowered female.
Onto the highlights: The new color of the Rev Terminator is great black, the idea of a liquid terminator was seen in Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines which I loved, however the new color and the energy this machine shows is pretty intense.
_ There is a zero G flight in a plane going down which is fucking fantastic!
-They drive an armored Humvee underwater, kinda lame.
-End fight sequence is at the Hoover dam which was pretty cool.
Luckily its all about time travel and if they decide to resurrect the franchise again maybe they can do a proper sequel where John lives to fight another day, however don't count on it.
I give the movie a snore factor of 0/10 because I never looked away from the screen even though it made me disappointed.
JT (287 KP) rated Escape From L.A. (1996) in Movies
Mar 10, 2020
John Carpenter’s offering into the world of sequels couldn’t have been worse. Kurt Russell said he had a desire to play Snake Plissken once again and to be honest I wished he hadn’t bothered.
I had a hard enough time to muster the energy to watch this, and even more to award it a one star rating. I have made my way through bad films over the years but this one really takes the title. After Carpenter’s engrossing and dark Escape from New York hit screens in 1981 a sequel was always going to be on the cards, but maybe they waited too long for it.
The plot is similar to the first, Plissken is yet again asked to save the day despite being injected with a virus that will kill him in within nine hours, although giving him ample time to save the day. This time he has to enter L.A. now separated from America after an earthquake and where the worst of the worst are sent, there he must retrieve a black box containing controls to a super weapon.
I had a hard enough time to muster the energy to watch this, and even more to award it a one star rating
What really wound me up about this film were the most shoddy special effects ever! When you take into consideration that this came out at a similar time to the very excellent Independence Day whose CGI effects were second to none for the time, there was no comparison.
You have to wonder what Carpenter’s budget of $50,000,0000 went towards, Plissken’s underwater entry into L.A. is hilarious and is even worth the watch just for that alone.
The addition of a few more well known characters do manage to brighten the proceedings, such as Steve Buscemi as Map to the Stars Eddie and Bruce Campbell as Surgeon General of Beverly Hills, but they do very little to save this from being a complete disaster.
Russell allegedly wrote the ending to this, and to be honest it shows. If you were a fan of the first then I would leave this one well alone!
I had a hard enough time to muster the energy to watch this, and even more to award it a one star rating. I have made my way through bad films over the years but this one really takes the title. After Carpenter’s engrossing and dark Escape from New York hit screens in 1981 a sequel was always going to be on the cards, but maybe they waited too long for it.
The plot is similar to the first, Plissken is yet again asked to save the day despite being injected with a virus that will kill him in within nine hours, although giving him ample time to save the day. This time he has to enter L.A. now separated from America after an earthquake and where the worst of the worst are sent, there he must retrieve a black box containing controls to a super weapon.
I had a hard enough time to muster the energy to watch this, and even more to award it a one star rating
What really wound me up about this film were the most shoddy special effects ever! When you take into consideration that this came out at a similar time to the very excellent Independence Day whose CGI effects were second to none for the time, there was no comparison.
You have to wonder what Carpenter’s budget of $50,000,0000 went towards, Plissken’s underwater entry into L.A. is hilarious and is even worth the watch just for that alone.
The addition of a few more well known characters do manage to brighten the proceedings, such as Steve Buscemi as Map to the Stars Eddie and Bruce Campbell as Surgeon General of Beverly Hills, but they do very little to save this from being a complete disaster.
Russell allegedly wrote the ending to this, and to be honest it shows. If you were a fan of the first then I would leave this one well alone!