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Parker (2013)
Parker (2013)
2013 | Mystery
So I, being the girl that I am, wasn’t exactly keyed up to go and see a “shoot-em up” style action flick — you know, the kind that Jason Statham excels at? My boyfriend, however, is like most red-blooded men and found this movie right up his alley. Perhaps it was due to the fact I “owed” him from cashing in my chick-flick points and making him watch “the Painted Veil” with me the other day; perhaps it was because my choice of Redbox rentals had been rather lackluster in comparison. Either way, he was looking forward the the prospect of this movie review far more than I.

“Parker” starts off in Ohio where Jason Statham’s character (Parker) is working a job with four other men. The job seems to go off without a hitch until the end when Parker discovers an innocent man died in the process, thus starting “beef” between he and one of his partners. The apparent boss of the crooks then asks Parker to join them in another job, requiring him to give up his share of the loot to contribute to the upcoming job. Parker politely declines and, of course, this doesn’t sit too well with the crooks. As predicted, they then turn on him and Parker is left for dead on the side of the road.

As we know, Jason Statham’s characters are indestructible. I mean, this was covered in both “Crank” movies so the audience should be well-versed in how this goes down, right? Of course, Parker survives and thus starts on a path of revenge. Mob bosses are involved, hits are put out, etc. Regardless, his journey takes him to Palm Springs where the four crooks who betrayed him are preparing for their next big job.

Now, you’re probably wondering where Jennifer Lopez is in all of this (yes, JLo has a part in this movie – I know, I feel your pain too). Given that her last decent flick was “the Cell” and “Selena,” I wasn’t expecting too much from her character. As Parker is making his way down to Palm Springs, the movie then focuses on JLo’s character, a depressed and rather broken divorcee living with her mother and desperate for a commission from her job as a real-estate agent. Cue in Parker, dressed as a wealthy Texan, and looking to buy a home in Palm Springs. Of course we see JLo checking him out and basically throwing herself at him because, well, that’s what all us desperate women do, right? We throw ourselves at rich men when times are hard without taking much else into consideration (like, say the cop – who comes across as a decent guy – who wants nothing else but to date her. But hey, he’s not Jason Statham, right? Pfft!). Regardless, JLo finds a way to weasel herself into helping Parker’s character and thwarting the four thieves who betrayed Parker. Luckily for all of us, JLo advances are shut down and we don’t have to fall witness to another “Gigli”.

Is the movie some amazing cinematic masterpiece? Absolutely not. Are Parker’s flashbacks cheesy and annoying? Of course. But we are talking about an action flick and one that doesn’t disappoint in lots of blood, gun fights, knifing action, and Jason Statham being an overall badass.

Will your girlfriend love this movie? Probably not. Will you, you red-blooded hunk of testosterone, love this movie? Probably. It is, after all, geared towards your sex. And, just in case the blood and fights don’t do it for you, there are more than enough exposed breasts throughout the film keep your interest piqued.

So if you’re looking for a good revenge-style action flick, this one is decent enough. It won’t win any awards, but it won’t leave your poor girlfriend screaming for the hills either. JLo’s performance, however, that’s just inexcusible….
  
Willy's Wonderland (2021)
Willy's Wonderland (2021)
2021 | Horror, Thriller
5
6.7 (13 Ratings)
Movie Rating
Could’ve been so much better
If you’ve seen the trailer for Willy’s Wonderland, you were no doubt wondering what on earth your eyes had just been witness to, and I’m afraid the full film doesn’t get any less demented. Willy’s Wonderland is a 2021 horror comedy from director Kevin Lewis that is every bit a modern day B-movie, complete with cheesy script and questionable acting. On paper it sounds like it should be entertainingly bad but silly, but unfortunately in reality it’s just bad.

Willy’s Wonderland follows a drifter (Nicolas Cage) who experiences car troubles on his way cross country, and is tricked into becoming a janitor overnight for the condemned Willy’s Wonderland to pay off his car repairs. Willy’s is a kids restaurant slash indoor play area themed around Willy the weasel and his animatronic friends, including a crocodile, chameleon, gorilla and ostrich. However Willy’s isn’t just your ordinary run down restaurant as it has a dark and horrific history involving murderers, criminals and satanic rituals. Now the friendly animatronic creatures have taken on a murderous life of their own and in a bid to appease them, the town elders (including the sheriff played by Beth Grant) have turned to tricking people travelling through into Willy’s to act as human sacrifices. Unfortunately the townsfolk don’t get quite what they expected with Cage’s unnamed drifter, who alongside local girl Liv (Emily Tosta), gives the demonic creatures a lot more than they bargained for.

I have been dying to watch this film since seeing the trailer. It looked like it’d be absolutely crazy silliness from start to finish and one of those films that are so bad they’re good. But as much as I wanted to like this, I feel like it fell short from what was promised. The first major problem is that it’s meant to be a horror comedy, but there was little humour on offer and the only time I really found myself laughing was at the sheer bizarreness of this entire film. Horror-wise there is a decent amount of blood and gore, but some of it looks badly done and unrealistic and there’s little to be scared of here either. Towards the start of the film there are a few creepy scenes with the animatronic animals, but as the story progresses the scares are lost and this is where the film suffers. It is possible to make a film that’s scary, funny and good (Cabin in the Woods is a shining example), but sadly Willy’s Wonderland doesn’t pull it off.

The fight scenes are lost due to the crazy artistic and surreal style of camera work, meaning you barely have a clue what’s going on and the backing music to accompany these fight scenes doesn’t always work either. And then there’s Nicolas Cage. For some unknown reason, they’ve decided to make his character completely mute with absolutely no dialogue whatsoever. This works in the first few scenes, but as the story unfolds you find yourself crying out for him to say something, anything. If any film was suitable for Cage’s signature crazy eyed overacting, it’s this one and not utilising this is criminal. What were they thinking?! The script isn’t great and the majority of characters are entirely wasted and one dimensional, even for a horror film, with only Emily Tosta coming out of this relatively unscathed, so a bit of Cage’s acting could’ve really helped make this a lot more entertaining.

Willy’s Wonderland had a lot of promise, with an interesting and crazy B-movie horror storyline. However it’s the execution which has let it down, as it’s severely lacking in horror or comedy and doesn’t make use of the cast or promising story. It’s a shame as it’s semi enjoyable as is, but could’ve been so much better!
  
The Wolf Den
The Wolf Den
Elodie Harper | 2021 | History & Politics
9
9.0 (1 Ratings)
Book Rating
(As you may expect from the subject matter of this book, I am highlighting trigger warnings of rape, sexual abuse, violence, slavery and suicide.)

“May I know love’s power, if never its sweetness.”

The Wolf Den is a magnifying glass into the world of Pompeii’s prostitutes: forgotten women who are owned and controlled by both men and society. This no-holds-barred novel follows Amara, a beautiful and educated doctor’s daughter who was enslaved after the death of her father and now is a she-wolf, a prostitute in Pompeii’s largest brothel, The Wolf Den.

Elodie Harper’s novel is told entirely from Amara’s perspective. This gives our main character a rare sense of power, the power to provide names to these previously nameless women and to make the reader care for these women, becoming entirely invested in their story. Alongside Amara; Dido, Victoria, Cressa, Beronice and Britannica experience violence, desperation, pain and loss but also highlight the power of friendship. This is not an easy read at all but Harper’s characters are so captivating it was impossible to put this book down.

Amara herself is such a complex character: she has an overwhelming amount of inner strength as she accepts her fate as a slave. At times this is heart-breaking when you gain glimpses of her previous life but accepting her fate does not mean Amara ever stops striving for freedom. She may have to change her idea of what happily ever after consists of but Amara will never stop working towards it, no matter the cost.

By no means is Amara perfect, there are definitely some questionable actions by our protagonist. However, Harper paints the she-wolves lives so acutely and tragically that the reader can never blame Amara: we don’t always agree with her actions but you can see that she has to protect herself because she literally has no one else to do it for her.

Amara is also clever, sometimes too clever for her owner Felix who is quick to punish her for speaking out of turn. However, once Amara proves that her previous education can be profitable, Felix is on board, taking Amara down a new path and raising the reader’s hopes of a happy outcome for our favourite she-wolf. This is a credit to the characterisation within this novel: that as the readers witness possible happy endings being ripped away, our sheer desperation increases with Amara’s.

Despite her fascinating characters, Elodie Harper does not rest on her laurels and completely immerses her readers in the landscape of Pompeii. From the filthy cobbled streets to the graffiti to the shops, inns and sellers in the forum, everything is described in the most magnificent historical detail.

Harper also entrenches her characters in the class system, whereby a customer of a higher social status is often a target but seemingly out of reach for the she-wolves: a lower class of man is easy to attract but can often be violent. And love? Well that is just a fantasy!

Initially I have to tell you that I was slightly disappointed by the ending of The Wolf Den: the chapters leading up to the finale were so emotional and action-packed that the final lines almost fell flat. HOWEVER, this was all turned on its head when I was told The Wolf Den is merely the first in a trilogy! Now that I know Amara will be back I am eager to see what else she has in store for us.

Thank you to Netgalley for the opportunity to read this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.
  
David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet (2020)
David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet (2020)
2020 | Documentary
Bleak and interesting
David Attenborough is possibly the most recognised face (and voice) when it comes to nature and our planet, and it’d be safe to say he’s also one of the most respected advisors on the environment. Now 94 years old, A Life on Our Planet is his “witness statement” for the environment and details his 60+ year career and how steeply the planet has declined during this time.

In the opening scene of this documentary Attenborough is in Chernobyl, the site of one of the worst man-made disasters in history. His comparison of the impact of the Chernobyl disaster to the impact humanity is having gradually on the environment is not one that many would have even considered, but it’s provides a stark warning. And it continues in this same vein throughout.

Whilst this still features beautifully captured videos of nature and historical footage of Attenborough throughout his career, this documentary has very dark and bleak overtones. Even the statistics on world population, carbon content and decrease in wilderness provided for certain years in Attenborough’s career prove to be crystal clear and unmistakably illustrating just how badly we’ve treated our planet in the space of a mere 90 years. For reference, wilderness in the 1930s was at 66% - in 2020 it has nearly halved to 35%. When you see it there in black and white, it’s terrifying.

Even more terrifying is Attenborough’s glimpse into the future. Showing what will happen to us and our planet in the 2030s to 2100s and beyond, it’s scarier than any horror film you will ever see. And what’s worrying is that the chances of this happening is a lot more likely than anything you see in a scary movie.

Fortunately this does move away from the rather effective warnings and dark tones and goes on to discuss how we can change to prevent this bleak future from coming true. These resolutions – stopping deforestation and overfishing, stabilising the population, more plant based diets – are nothing that we haven’t heard of before. However Attenborough does at least go on to suggest how we as a planet can move towards achieving the above and promote some rather positive success stories where this has already been achieved in a number of places across the globe.

My problem with this documentary is two fold. For one, Attenborough steers clear of the politics and blame game and doesn’t point the finger at any areas of society that may be more at fault than others (i.e. the super wealthy and their excesses). He just seems like he’s being too nice when really he needs to call out the people and areas that hold more responsibility.

My other issue is that he doesn’t relate the solutions to how we can help as individuals. Other than moving to a more plant based diet, the solutions proposed are not things that Joe public can help with and for me personally I found this very frustrating. I want to know what I personally can do to help and sadly I have no control over poaching, deforestation or over-fishing. I barely have any input into my local council’s initiative to build thousands of houses on the greenbelt behind my house, so the issues and solutions discussed here seem rather overwhelming and feel almost impossible to achieve.

However despite this, Attenborough has created a rather bleak and stark documentary that proves to be both depressing and incredibly moving and informative to watch. It will undoubtedly spur many into action and prove to be the warning we as a people need, especially with the final scenes showing how the wilderness has returned to Chernobyl and Attenborough’s reminder that we’re not saving the planet, we’re saving ourselves. I just hope those higher up that have the true power to put the solutions in place have watched this and taken note.
  
Kings of the Wyld
Kings of the Wyld
Nicholas Eames | 2017 | Fiction & Poetry
9
9.7 (3 Ratings)
Book Rating
Contains spoilers, click to show
This was another book that I picked after it was recommended from one of my favourite Youtuber, Holly Heats Books, and as always I wasn't disappointed.
Kings of the Wyld is a "getting out of retirement of one last job" story. A band of five getting back together to save the daughter of one of them. The story is very well written, action-packed with a touch on humour here and there.

Things I liked:

    -All the characters are very well written. They all have their own unique voice, personality and they offer something different to the band as well as the story.
    -The relationships between all the characters are well crafted. By the end, you know and feel how close this band is and how much they love each other.
    -I generally adore when an action/adventure book or movie has just a hint of comic relief without going overboard and turning it into stupid moments. And the author knows exactly when and where to add this little moment of humour to make you laugh without turning the story into ridicule. Love, love that!
    -You never get bored. There is always something happening, twists and turns and obstacles being thrown to our heroes, without the story getting repetitive.
    -They weren't a lot of twists and most were obvious but one of them I didn't see it coming. Maybe if I had paid more attention I could have seen it coming but I didn't so I was quite surprised.
    -The final battle. I spend the entire book wondering how 5 guys will manager to fight a whole army. And the answer wasn't something that I was expecting and it was epic! Maybe with some clichés, like the "final speech to get people to follow you", but they were all so well done!

Things I didn't like:

    -The fantasy world contains EVERY creature ever mentioned in fantasy, folk stories, and mythologies. From dragons and orcs to merpeople to vampires and werewolves. Which is amazing and interesting but... because there are so many creatures mentioned some of them are not described maybe because we should know how they look (?) and if you add all the author places and his own fantasy creature some time I got confused and overwhelmed and didn't necessarily know what kind of creature the author is talking about and I couldn't picture the scene properly in my mind.
    -Magic has no rules. Which I don't really mind but.... [Spoiler] at some point it was used in a way that kind of put me off. Towards the end, our primary MC loses his hand and I liked the fact that the author didn't shy away from injuring his character but... this was fixed a chapter later with a magic potion that just made his hand grow back. What? Why? And this is where a draw the line on the "magic with no rules". Don't use random magic as a way to "fix" your character because you didn't want them to be hurt after all! Scars are witness to our own story and our past. Those guys went through a crazy adventure they should have scares and injuries, so if one of them loses his hand during a battle why go back on that a chapter later with a convenient magic potion. I was quite mad about that part but it was just a minor part of the story.



Despite a couple of tiny details, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would highly recommend it. It was one of the best books I've read so far this year.

The review can also be found here: https://natachainreviewland.wordpress.com/2019/09/29/king-of-the-wyld-by-nicholas-eames/
  
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The Blackbird Season
The Blackbird Season
Kate Moretti | 2017 | Mystery, Thriller
9
9.0 (3 Ratings)
Book Rating
character-driven (2 more)
well-written
compelling
Complicated character-driven mystery
It's just another day in Mount Oanoke, Pennsylvania when the birds start to fall. Hundreds of dead starlings, dropping from the sky during a baseball game. It seems like the birds started it all, but really the secrets and lies began much earlier. Nate Winters, high school teacher and baseball coach, is beloved in the town. That is, until a reporter, in town to cover the birds, catches Nate hugging a student at a local motel. Suddenly, the birds are forgotten, and the story becomes much juicier: Nate; his student, Lucia; and their supposed affair. Lucia fuels the fire by affirming the affair and suddenly Nate and his wife, Alecia, are swept up in the story. The only who believes in Nate's innocence, even a sliver, is his friend and co-worker, Bridget. As Lucia's creative writing teacher, she has unique insight into the girl's mind. But when Lucia suddenly goes missing--with Nate as the prime suspect in her disappearance--not even Bridget may be able to save Nate. But is there more to Lucia's disappearance than an affair with her teacher?

Wow, I was really impressed by this novel. It's a complicated novel that is just as much a character-driven study as it is a mystery. It's incredibly well-written, and Moretti expertly embodies the voice of each of her characters, from beleaguered Alecia, who is worn down from mothering her autistic son, Gabe; to the cast of teenager characters; to Bridget, who lost her husband to cancer a year ago. It's so well-done that often with each chapter (which skip from various points of view -- Bridget, Kate, Lucia, Nate, etc.), I found my myself veering between whom I preferred or believed, constantly second-guessing my allegiances or what happened. This is very rare for me: typically I find my "person" in a novel and stick with them, no matter what.

But here, I was confused, wondering. Was Nate really a cad, who cheated on his wife every second he got, or was he the sweet, affable teacher and baseball coach that the whole town admired and adored? And Alecia--was she more than just a weary mom, broken down by years of staying at home with her autistic son, Gabe, unable to give to anyone beyond him? Did she push Nate away, into the arms of others? Or was the truth more complicated that all of this? I have to hand it to Moretti--she was excellent at creating confusion and doubt. In addition to different perspectives, the novel shifts in time (before the birds fell, after the birds fell, before Lucia disappeared, etc.). It's a little tough to keep track of, but it also keeps you on your toes and always wondering, as you piece various parts of the puzzle together.

For me--even more than the mystery of what exactly happened with Lucia--the strength of this novel was the writing and the characters. I felt for them, even when I was frustrated with them. Moretti captures the angst and meanness of high school extremely well, portraying the cliques of a small town quite superbly. (I was reminded of WHEN WE WERE WORTHY, which I just finished.) I loved the juxtaposition of this being a small town, so the idea is that everyone knows everyone and everything, and yet there are so many secrets, so much unknown. Being a witness to Alecia and Nate's marriage is amazing-- you see firsthand how the events affect them and how they've reached this point. It's an incredibly realistic portrayal of marriage and of motherhood.

As you probably tell, I just really liked this novel. It's very well-written, with quite compelling characters. I worked out some of the plot, but it didn't stop me from reading at all. I think some of the emphasis on character development slows the story at places, but not in any detrimental way. This one will make you think, as well as intrigue you with what happened to Lucia. Quite worth the read.