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LeftSideCut (3778 KP) rated Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992) in Movies
Jan 8, 2022
Hellraiser III is undoubtedly an odd beast. It feels so out of touch with the genuinely fantastic first two films, to the point where it should be a massive shot in the foot, but somehow, it's ludicrously entertaining.
The big and obvious potential for error is the series' infamous antagonist/anti-hero Pinhead. I say anti-hero because the first two films don't portray him as a flat out villain. He's rather, an indifferent creature, who acts with some sort of honour. Hell on Earth just goes full blown bad guy, aligning him more accurately with slasher villains of the 80s. It's proves to be a hinderence in execution, replacing the mysterious and sparingly shown Pinhead of before with one that throws out an evil cackle whilst slaughtering his victims, and even provides a couple of quips. He gets some cool lines here and there but it leans too heavily into occasionally goofy over-exposure.
The other cenobites that surround him are kind of lame this time around as well, even if there's a weird enjoyment in watching one of them slice up innocent bystanders by throwing CDs at their faces.
The story kind of makes sense, and it's commitment to staying connected to the previous films is commendable, but it does completely fall off the rails near the end. It doesn't help that the editing is so jarring between scenes.
In spite of these issues, the overall experience is a lot of fun. It lacks the subtlety and borderline arthouse style that really set the first two apart, but it still kind of works. It's not ideal, but intriguing, kind of like an oddball cousin that might visit now and again.
The big and obvious potential for error is the series' infamous antagonist/anti-hero Pinhead. I say anti-hero because the first two films don't portray him as a flat out villain. He's rather, an indifferent creature, who acts with some sort of honour. Hell on Earth just goes full blown bad guy, aligning him more accurately with slasher villains of the 80s. It's proves to be a hinderence in execution, replacing the mysterious and sparingly shown Pinhead of before with one that throws out an evil cackle whilst slaughtering his victims, and even provides a couple of quips. He gets some cool lines here and there but it leans too heavily into occasionally goofy over-exposure.
The other cenobites that surround him are kind of lame this time around as well, even if there's a weird enjoyment in watching one of them slice up innocent bystanders by throwing CDs at their faces.
The story kind of makes sense, and it's commitment to staying connected to the previous films is commendable, but it does completely fall off the rails near the end. It doesn't help that the editing is so jarring between scenes.
In spite of these issues, the overall experience is a lot of fun. It lacks the subtlety and borderline arthouse style that really set the first two apart, but it still kind of works. It's not ideal, but intriguing, kind of like an oddball cousin that might visit now and again.
Kirk Bage (1775 KP) rated Waltz With Bashir (2008) in Movies
Mar 11, 2021
This is the fifth in the series of films I would recommend to an alien to explain humanity. Not, as posted on the Instagram account, #6 – sorry for the confusion, I think I skipped #4 on there when posting for Schindler’s List a few weeks ago. Anyway… today’s choice is Ari Folman’s extraordinary antiwar film from 2008, which combines several forms of animation and live action footage to create a dreamlike landscape of the 1982 invasion of Lebanon, and one man’s journey to reconstruct his own lost memories of events.
I saw this when working at The Cameo Cinema in Edinburgh on release. It was the kind of thing I loved to discover that I wouldn’t normally have paid to see. Its impact on me was immediate, and I went back to see it 3 more times. When it was released on DVD in 2009, it became my go to movie to gift to people who I knew would love it but may not have even heard of it, due to its low profile arthouse origins. It was nominated in the Best Foreign Language Film category at the Oscars, but otherwise went under the radar in many ways. I still doubt it has been seen by a quarter of the people who would immediately say it was one of the most amazing films they had ever seen.
The animation may seem gimmicky at first, but once you identify its utility in this context and understand this is not a film for children, it becomes a transcendent trip of vibrant colour, emotion and… humanity. I would call it as indispensable an antiwar movie as Apocalypse Now, and in many ways so much more moving than that classic. If you have yet to see it, do yourself a favour, pick a time you can reflect and allow the dreamlike quality to carry you away.
I saw this when working at The Cameo Cinema in Edinburgh on release. It was the kind of thing I loved to discover that I wouldn’t normally have paid to see. Its impact on me was immediate, and I went back to see it 3 more times. When it was released on DVD in 2009, it became my go to movie to gift to people who I knew would love it but may not have even heard of it, due to its low profile arthouse origins. It was nominated in the Best Foreign Language Film category at the Oscars, but otherwise went under the radar in many ways. I still doubt it has been seen by a quarter of the people who would immediately say it was one of the most amazing films they had ever seen.
The animation may seem gimmicky at first, but once you identify its utility in this context and understand this is not a film for children, it becomes a transcendent trip of vibrant colour, emotion and… humanity. I would call it as indispensable an antiwar movie as Apocalypse Now, and in many ways so much more moving than that classic. If you have yet to see it, do yourself a favour, pick a time you can reflect and allow the dreamlike quality to carry you away.
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LeftSideCut (3778 KP) rated X (2022) (2022) in Movies
Mar 22, 2022
Ti West has been gruesomely carving his name into the horror genre for a little while now, but with X, it feels like everything is really falling into place. It's a snappy, funny, unnerving, visceral, and chaotic ride that is easy to get lost in.
Despite it's fast moving narrative, it still finds time to slowly build its tension. Even before shit goes south, and everyone's having a bloody lovely time snorting cocaine and filming porn, something just feels off, to an almost unbearable degree.
Creepy, elderly antagonists have been done before, but the villains of the piece here have a well realised soft edge to them in the form of their relationship. There's some touching moments between them (as well as some gross ones), and it very much drives home the point that getting old sucks, and there's definitely a sliver of sympathy in there somewhere in between all the stabbing and nastiness.
The main group of protagonists are all a joy to watch on screen and are all pretty likable. Mia Goth is superb in her dual role, and it's great to see Jenna Ortega furthering a promising career in horror. The whole cast are decent and sell the unfolding madness with aplomb.
It's beautifully shot as well, from the opening scene, to the moment the credits roll, every frame feels like it's been slaved over with a great degree of passion. There's homages everywhere you look, the most obvious of course, being The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, from its setting and general vibe, to the very arthouse style that the film is presented in. It's really quite a treat to look at.
The more slasher side of things eventually takes over, and proceedings do become relatively predictable, but by that point, the film has descended into a crazy, gory, good time, and it's hard to care about any slight misgivings.
In short, X is a fucking blast and is well worth making a cinema trip for any fans of the genre. Don't sleep on it!
Despite it's fast moving narrative, it still finds time to slowly build its tension. Even before shit goes south, and everyone's having a bloody lovely time snorting cocaine and filming porn, something just feels off, to an almost unbearable degree.
Creepy, elderly antagonists have been done before, but the villains of the piece here have a well realised soft edge to them in the form of their relationship. There's some touching moments between them (as well as some gross ones), and it very much drives home the point that getting old sucks, and there's definitely a sliver of sympathy in there somewhere in between all the stabbing and nastiness.
The main group of protagonists are all a joy to watch on screen and are all pretty likable. Mia Goth is superb in her dual role, and it's great to see Jenna Ortega furthering a promising career in horror. The whole cast are decent and sell the unfolding madness with aplomb.
It's beautifully shot as well, from the opening scene, to the moment the credits roll, every frame feels like it's been slaved over with a great degree of passion. There's homages everywhere you look, the most obvious of course, being The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, from its setting and general vibe, to the very arthouse style that the film is presented in. It's really quite a treat to look at.
The more slasher side of things eventually takes over, and proceedings do become relatively predictable, but by that point, the film has descended into a crazy, gory, good time, and it's hard to care about any slight misgivings.
In short, X is a fucking blast and is well worth making a cinema trip for any fans of the genre. Don't sleep on it!
Neon's Nerd Nexus (360 KP) rated Mandy (2018) in Movies
May 13, 2019
Oh Mandy
#Mandymovie is an intoxicating & nauseating experience that left my head spinning & my body warm/tingly sunk into my seat. From the second #mandy starts i was simply hooked, #nostalgia running through my body & its #perfect visuals glistening off my eye balls. I felt almost in a #trance with its soothing/#hypnotic #soundtrack & its cinematography bathed in colour Mandy is simply #gorgeous right to its core. Atmosphere begins #beautifully creating so much intrigue, a sence of wonder/#mystery & a massive sense of love/commitment however its not long until this flips to deeply #unerving, #unsettling & down right skin crawling fast. So many scenes are Dialog sparce but with so much depth in the visuals & sound its really not missed or needed at all. An example of this is Cages love for mandy is shown as complete devotion, #passion/commitment like he sees her almost as a godess/his reason to live (shown using glowing light and warm fire acompanied by soft slow dialog) yet other peoples love for her is the complete oposite more as an #obsession, an object or a #desire (shown using pulsing red light, slow zooms and freeze frames and frantic pitch changing broken dialog). Its a masterful way of telling us about the characters & story making us feel/experiance there #emotions rather than wait for dialog to develop them for us. Acting is also stellar with this being #nicolascage best role in a very long time. His character is a #haunted & troubled man & his #pain can be felt deeply whenever he is on screen. Infunces/homages are everywhere here from #darioargento to #fridaythe13th & other #80s #horror movies. Infact mandy could easily be mistaken for a film released decades ago its that well made & its also destined to become a #cultclassic its self. Mandy is an absolute rare gem, every scene its drenched in such style, care & mesmerising #beauty youll be pushed to find another film like it now days. Im being vauge here on purpouse because to watching this film in the dark, on a big screen, turned up loud trully is one of the best experiences ive had watching a film this year. Insanely good & the perfect #arthouse #horror movie. #odeon #odeonlimitless #filmbuff #filmcritic
LeftSideCut (3778 KP) rated Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) in Movies
Feb 23, 2022
The very concept of Leatherface not taking kindly to artisan bakeries and influencer inspired sushi bars is one that is absurdly tantalising, but it arrives at a point in this up-and-down franchise where no-one involved seems to be sure what they're trying to achieve.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a film that has been advertised as a true sequel to Tobe Hoopers groundbreaking original, ignoring all other sequels, prequels, and remakes that have come and gone over the years, similar to Halloween (2018) and Candyman (2021).
The main issue is then, of course, that it couldn't be further away from the original in terms of general tone if it tried. The claustrophobia, the implication of unspeakable violence that is never shown, the overall arthouse style, essential ingredients of '74, are nowhere to be found. Instead, we're presented with an unsubtle splatter flick that reeks of the unpleasantness of most mid-00s slashers. It's a far cry from what a lot of '74 fans love, but once this fact is accepted, there's a fair amount of fun to be found in what we've been given.
Let me be clear, I absolutely did not hate TCM. The writing is atrocious, the characters are almost exclusively unbearable, the return of the original films final girl is poorly handled and ultimately wasted, and it half arses attempts to tackle serious subjects such as gun violence and gentrification, but, some truly gorgeous cinematography, air tight pacing, and copious amounts of gore go someway in making up for its negatives.
Seriously, there is an ungodly amount of gore. As mentioned, it's light-years away from the originals subtlety, but I can respect it's ambition to go for the jugular. I mean, there is an actual, literal, chainsaw massacre, during a scene that made me say "Jesus Christ" out loud a couple of times.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre is far different to what I, and I imagine plenty of other '74 fans, expected and wanted, but at the end of the day, it's an easy to watch, super gory, and fun slasher that is what it is. Leave your thinking cap at the door, and I'm sure you'll find it entertaining at the very least, and remember, the original still exists!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a film that has been advertised as a true sequel to Tobe Hoopers groundbreaking original, ignoring all other sequels, prequels, and remakes that have come and gone over the years, similar to Halloween (2018) and Candyman (2021).
The main issue is then, of course, that it couldn't be further away from the original in terms of general tone if it tried. The claustrophobia, the implication of unspeakable violence that is never shown, the overall arthouse style, essential ingredients of '74, are nowhere to be found. Instead, we're presented with an unsubtle splatter flick that reeks of the unpleasantness of most mid-00s slashers. It's a far cry from what a lot of '74 fans love, but once this fact is accepted, there's a fair amount of fun to be found in what we've been given.
Let me be clear, I absolutely did not hate TCM. The writing is atrocious, the characters are almost exclusively unbearable, the return of the original films final girl is poorly handled and ultimately wasted, and it half arses attempts to tackle serious subjects such as gun violence and gentrification, but, some truly gorgeous cinematography, air tight pacing, and copious amounts of gore go someway in making up for its negatives.
Seriously, there is an ungodly amount of gore. As mentioned, it's light-years away from the originals subtlety, but I can respect it's ambition to go for the jugular. I mean, there is an actual, literal, chainsaw massacre, during a scene that made me say "Jesus Christ" out loud a couple of times.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre is far different to what I, and I imagine plenty of other '74 fans, expected and wanted, but at the end of the day, it's an easy to watch, super gory, and fun slasher that is what it is. Leave your thinking cap at the door, and I'm sure you'll find it entertaining at the very least, and remember, the original still exists!
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Bob Mann (459 KP) rated Babyteeth (2019) in Movies
Aug 25, 2020
I've had more fun at the orthodontist's
Now, before I start, I know I'm likely to be at odds with a lot of viewers on this one. Having had a glance at the IMDB ratings, I can see a lot of arthouse love for this Australian movie. But this really was not for me.
Eliza Scanlen plays Australian schoolgirl Milla, displaying typically rebellious symptoms of adolescence but hampered by a crippling medical issue. She meets a 23-year old drug addict, Moses (Toby Wallace), and the pair feel an immediate pull towards each other, much to the horror of her parents Henry (Ben Mendelsohn) and Anna (Essie Davis). The kids are dysfunctional (for different reasons); the parents are not much better. Adding to the drama is a strange violin teacher (Eugene Gilfedder) and a pregnant (MILF-to-be) next door neighbour (Emily Barclay). We follow the life and love of Milla as she struggles with her circumstances... and the last of her Babyteeth.
I can draw parallels here to the movie "Animals" from last year. Indeed to the Oscar-winner "Moonlight" from four year's ago. I could readily perceive it to be intelligent and artfully produced. But I'm afraid I felt zero empathy or pull from any of the characters. Given that, and the slow burn of writer Rita Kalnejais's screenplay, I found myself constantly looking at my watch for the last half-hour of the movie.
The movie's not without its merits though. Babyteeth has picked up a number of nominations, and as many wins, on the international film-festival circuit, mostly for the direction of Shannon Murphy. This is a first-time feature for TV-director Murphy (she directed two episodes from this year's series of "Killing Eve" for example). Awards have also gone to Toby Wallace for his portrayal of the slightly unhinged and unpredictable Moses. But for me, it was Eliza Scanlen's performance as Milla that appealed to me most and kept my attention. Other-worldly and slightly ethereal, she pulls off the role well. Scanlen was of course Beth March in the recent superb version of "Little Woman". (She's a young lady with great potential, but she needs to be careful not to get typecast as sickly waifs!)
Babyteeth was for me a curate's egg in the photography department. Cinematography was by Andrew Commis, and I found it both breathtaking and frustrating in almost equal measure. There's a scene towards the end of the movie with Milla's face half-lit in the moonlight that was reminiscent to me of the star-child in "2001: A Space Odyssey". Simply gorgeous. And scenes in a nightclub are both strangely and effectively shot. But - and art-house movies seem to mandate this approach - the movie is shot on handheld cameras. This makes a lot of the shots drift in and out of focus. Moreover - and most frustratingly for me - it makes the multitude of scene titles, employed in the telling, float ever-so-slightly against the backgrounds, with a generally nauseating effect.
I'll no doubt feel a right Charlie if Babyteeth gets into the Oscars nominations short-list. But for me, it just wasn't engaging enough to be entertaining. It's billed as a "Comedy Drama". While there were a few good comic lines, it rarely made me do more than smile. And as for the drama, I'm afraid tears were far from being spilled. It's in no way a "bad film": it just personally wasn't for me.
(For the full graphical review please check out One Mann's Movie on https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/08/25/babyteeth-you-might-have-more-fun-at-the-orthodontists/.)
Eliza Scanlen plays Australian schoolgirl Milla, displaying typically rebellious symptoms of adolescence but hampered by a crippling medical issue. She meets a 23-year old drug addict, Moses (Toby Wallace), and the pair feel an immediate pull towards each other, much to the horror of her parents Henry (Ben Mendelsohn) and Anna (Essie Davis). The kids are dysfunctional (for different reasons); the parents are not much better. Adding to the drama is a strange violin teacher (Eugene Gilfedder) and a pregnant (MILF-to-be) next door neighbour (Emily Barclay). We follow the life and love of Milla as she struggles with her circumstances... and the last of her Babyteeth.
I can draw parallels here to the movie "Animals" from last year. Indeed to the Oscar-winner "Moonlight" from four year's ago. I could readily perceive it to be intelligent and artfully produced. But I'm afraid I felt zero empathy or pull from any of the characters. Given that, and the slow burn of writer Rita Kalnejais's screenplay, I found myself constantly looking at my watch for the last half-hour of the movie.
The movie's not without its merits though. Babyteeth has picked up a number of nominations, and as many wins, on the international film-festival circuit, mostly for the direction of Shannon Murphy. This is a first-time feature for TV-director Murphy (she directed two episodes from this year's series of "Killing Eve" for example). Awards have also gone to Toby Wallace for his portrayal of the slightly unhinged and unpredictable Moses. But for me, it was Eliza Scanlen's performance as Milla that appealed to me most and kept my attention. Other-worldly and slightly ethereal, she pulls off the role well. Scanlen was of course Beth March in the recent superb version of "Little Woman". (She's a young lady with great potential, but she needs to be careful not to get typecast as sickly waifs!)
Babyteeth was for me a curate's egg in the photography department. Cinematography was by Andrew Commis, and I found it both breathtaking and frustrating in almost equal measure. There's a scene towards the end of the movie with Milla's face half-lit in the moonlight that was reminiscent to me of the star-child in "2001: A Space Odyssey". Simply gorgeous. And scenes in a nightclub are both strangely and effectively shot. But - and art-house movies seem to mandate this approach - the movie is shot on handheld cameras. This makes a lot of the shots drift in and out of focus. Moreover - and most frustratingly for me - it makes the multitude of scene titles, employed in the telling, float ever-so-slightly against the backgrounds, with a generally nauseating effect.
I'll no doubt feel a right Charlie if Babyteeth gets into the Oscars nominations short-list. But for me, it just wasn't engaging enough to be entertaining. It's billed as a "Comedy Drama". While there were a few good comic lines, it rarely made me do more than smile. And as for the drama, I'm afraid tears were far from being spilled. It's in no way a "bad film": it just personally wasn't for me.
(For the full graphical review please check out One Mann's Movie on https://bob-the-movie-man.com/2020/08/25/babyteeth-you-might-have-more-fun-at-the-orthodontists/.)
Justin Patchett (42 KP) rated Roma (2018) in Movies
Mar 3, 2019
Caught in a bad Roma
Contains spoilers, click to show
It’s been a long while since I watched a film deserving of a truly, harshly negative review. I have gotten so close so many times, and I’ll be damned if Netflix hadn’t gotten close to earning that with the fridge-logic that ruined Bird Box. Even Bird Box, though, feels enjoyable in retrospect compared to another Netflix exclusive: Alfonso Cuarón’s Roma.
Since I’m in a clear minority on this film, I feel obligated to preemptively address some common criticisms. If Roma had been produced in English, presented in color and with any score, it couldn’t fix the fact that I simply dislike Roma’s genre. Sure, I’ve liked slice-of-life drama films, and modern period pieces do fine by me. Pretentious Oscar-farming arthouse flicks like this, though, never win my praise.
Roma follows Cleo, a housemaid in Mexico City. Cleo has gotten pregnant and the presumed father, Fermín, leaves her to buy cigarettes before the baby’s even born. Her employer, Sofía, is dealing with a cheating spouse. What follows is two hours of both of these women marginally helping each other with their respective situations. As slice-of-life films do.
Since it's a slice-of-life film, much of the story just basically happens. You'll remember a scene here or there that happened, even if it was ultimately insignificant. In one scene for instance, Cleo goes to confront the baby daddy, who’s at a huge martial arts class. She spectates and proves to be the only one able to perform a certain yoga pose. Which is important because it helped add another few minutes to the film.
Cleo goes into labor not long after this confrontation, but her daughter ends up being stillborn. This all happens in the midst of the Corpus Christi Massacre. What the heck was the Corpus Christi Massacre, you may ask? According to this film, it was a brutal inconvenience on Cleo’s way to the hospital after her water breaks. This actual historical event simply happens and is never addressed for one second more. You know, just like in Titanic where the shipwreck just makes things inconvenient for Rose and Jack.
The last major scene in the film comes when Sofía invites Cleo to come with her family on a trip to the beach, not as staff but to help Cleo cope with the tragedy of losing her child. While they’re there, Sofía leaves the children in Cleo’s care for two freaking minutes, and two of the kids nearly drown. Cleo, though, can’t swim, and so she stands out in the water as the kids rescue each other. And that's about as close as Roma gets to a cohesive plot. Cleo only came with them to help her grieving, which meant she could be there to be powerless while her employer’s kids save each other’s lives. Bad things happen to us, the film teaches, so that good things can coincidentally happen in our proximity.
In fact, coincidence seems to be the running theme, here. Remember the Corpus Christi Massacre? No? What if I call it “the scene where Cleo goes into labor”? Maybe that helps? Fermín briefly held Cleo at gunpoint in the middle of it. Again, mere coincidence. Just like it’s a mere coincidence that she goes into labor the same day as a massacre that killed 120 people. As coincidences do.
Roma isn’t an aggressively bad film. There are a rare few moments within Roma’s 2-hour runtime where you think, “I can see that clip showing up during a Facebook video binge,” but again: These are moments more rare than our current president ordering a rare steak. That rarity has everything to do with the fact that the movie has so few moments, at all. The rest is shots that linger too long from angles that repeat themselves all too often. It’s like Cuarón asked someone, “What does a movie like Juno need to be better?” They responded, “Nothing.” So Cuarón packed Roma with nothing.
Which brings up one of my biggest criticisms of Roma: The cinematography is bland. Cuarón shot practically the entire film on one camera, set a specific distance from the subject, and kept takes running as longer than they should have, padding out a short-film’s worth of content to feature length. It’s bland cinematography that somehow earned an Oscar for Best Cinematography.
Gravity showed us what Cuarón was capable of. Beyond bringing a seemingly authentic view of space to the big screen, Gravity offered variety. Yes, the huge collision scene in Gravity takes on the feel of a one-take scene, but even then, the camera moves with the action. And if your attention moves away from the foreground the shot, you’re able to see other important things going on. With Roma, though, your foreground is your film. Period. And to be sure, you'll be kept at arm's length from that foreground at all times, both metaphorically and cinematically.
There's a number of reasons why Roma wasn't the Best Picture, this year. Gravity proved that Roma is not Cuarón’s best film. Bo Burnham–yes, that Bo Burnham–wrote and directed a better slice-of-life film with Eighth Grade. And Roma might not even be the past year’s best black-and-white film; I dare suggest that Cold War may have been better.
To give it the credit it’s due, Roma’s cast rightly earned nominations for their performances. Yalitza Aparicio and Marina de Tavira earned Best Actress nominations for their roles, and for their part, their performances were authentic as can be. It's the least the Academy could do for having them endure Cuarón's lengthy takes.
But now that I've given it credit, I demand my time back for the scene of Fermín going Star Wars Kid meets Full Monty.
Since I’m in a clear minority on this film, I feel obligated to preemptively address some common criticisms. If Roma had been produced in English, presented in color and with any score, it couldn’t fix the fact that I simply dislike Roma’s genre. Sure, I’ve liked slice-of-life drama films, and modern period pieces do fine by me. Pretentious Oscar-farming arthouse flicks like this, though, never win my praise.
Roma follows Cleo, a housemaid in Mexico City. Cleo has gotten pregnant and the presumed father, Fermín, leaves her to buy cigarettes before the baby’s even born. Her employer, Sofía, is dealing with a cheating spouse. What follows is two hours of both of these women marginally helping each other with their respective situations. As slice-of-life films do.
Since it's a slice-of-life film, much of the story just basically happens. You'll remember a scene here or there that happened, even if it was ultimately insignificant. In one scene for instance, Cleo goes to confront the baby daddy, who’s at a huge martial arts class. She spectates and proves to be the only one able to perform a certain yoga pose. Which is important because it helped add another few minutes to the film.
Cleo goes into labor not long after this confrontation, but her daughter ends up being stillborn. This all happens in the midst of the Corpus Christi Massacre. What the heck was the Corpus Christi Massacre, you may ask? According to this film, it was a brutal inconvenience on Cleo’s way to the hospital after her water breaks. This actual historical event simply happens and is never addressed for one second more. You know, just like in Titanic where the shipwreck just makes things inconvenient for Rose and Jack.
The last major scene in the film comes when Sofía invites Cleo to come with her family on a trip to the beach, not as staff but to help Cleo cope with the tragedy of losing her child. While they’re there, Sofía leaves the children in Cleo’s care for two freaking minutes, and two of the kids nearly drown. Cleo, though, can’t swim, and so she stands out in the water as the kids rescue each other. And that's about as close as Roma gets to a cohesive plot. Cleo only came with them to help her grieving, which meant she could be there to be powerless while her employer’s kids save each other’s lives. Bad things happen to us, the film teaches, so that good things can coincidentally happen in our proximity.
In fact, coincidence seems to be the running theme, here. Remember the Corpus Christi Massacre? No? What if I call it “the scene where Cleo goes into labor”? Maybe that helps? Fermín briefly held Cleo at gunpoint in the middle of it. Again, mere coincidence. Just like it’s a mere coincidence that she goes into labor the same day as a massacre that killed 120 people. As coincidences do.
Roma isn’t an aggressively bad film. There are a rare few moments within Roma’s 2-hour runtime where you think, “I can see that clip showing up during a Facebook video binge,” but again: These are moments more rare than our current president ordering a rare steak. That rarity has everything to do with the fact that the movie has so few moments, at all. The rest is shots that linger too long from angles that repeat themselves all too often. It’s like Cuarón asked someone, “What does a movie like Juno need to be better?” They responded, “Nothing.” So Cuarón packed Roma with nothing.
Which brings up one of my biggest criticisms of Roma: The cinematography is bland. Cuarón shot practically the entire film on one camera, set a specific distance from the subject, and kept takes running as longer than they should have, padding out a short-film’s worth of content to feature length. It’s bland cinematography that somehow earned an Oscar for Best Cinematography.
Gravity showed us what Cuarón was capable of. Beyond bringing a seemingly authentic view of space to the big screen, Gravity offered variety. Yes, the huge collision scene in Gravity takes on the feel of a one-take scene, but even then, the camera moves with the action. And if your attention moves away from the foreground the shot, you’re able to see other important things going on. With Roma, though, your foreground is your film. Period. And to be sure, you'll be kept at arm's length from that foreground at all times, both metaphorically and cinematically.
There's a number of reasons why Roma wasn't the Best Picture, this year. Gravity proved that Roma is not Cuarón’s best film. Bo Burnham–yes, that Bo Burnham–wrote and directed a better slice-of-life film with Eighth Grade. And Roma might not even be the past year’s best black-and-white film; I dare suggest that Cold War may have been better.
To give it the credit it’s due, Roma’s cast rightly earned nominations for their performances. Yalitza Aparicio and Marina de Tavira earned Best Actress nominations for their roles, and for their part, their performances were authentic as can be. It's the least the Academy could do for having them endure Cuarón's lengthy takes.
But now that I've given it credit, I demand my time back for the scene of Fermín going Star Wars Kid meets Full Monty.