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LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated The Final Destination (2009) in Movies
Oct 22, 2020
Rigorously uncared for - chock full of series-worst dirt acting, bullshit writing, and some of the lamest CGI you'll ever encounter in a studio picture this millennium. All-around just pathetic, has an unshakable sense that this was rushed and indifferently shat out beyond belief... however... it's also only 82 minutes including credits and is quite possibly the most playful one until this point in wringing the tension out of the deaths where - outside of the eyesore opening premonition (two in a row so far for the series) - there isn't even a semi-weak one to speak of. Swift, vicious, full of trashy spills, and has Mykelti Williamson - truthfully this would be a great time if anyone involved actually gave a shit about it and it didn't come out in that 2-3 year period where everyone thought 2004-looking F-tier 3D which no question ranks among one of the worst trends in cinema was the best thing ever. The racist being dragged down the street is not only a top 20 franchise demise, but actually lands more effectively now than it ever did. Fair enough. Glad they followed up this planned series ender ( l m f a o ) with an actual movie, though.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated 47 Ronin (2013) in Movies
Jan 12, 2021 (Updated Jul 4, 2021)
As expected this is a lot of eye-popping visual work in service of a story void of even a single drop of weight. Too much gorgeous design fetish on display to truly dislike in spite of it being executed as plainly as can be otherwise - for every mechanical, generic expository beat there's a splashpad of stunning locales, vibrant costumes, luscious CGI, sweeping sets, excellent props, and fully realized art backing it up. It's super atmospheric and the money is *definitely* on the screen but everything underneath the hood is not only lackluster but genuinely problematic. The idea to take one of the most legendary events in Japanese history and not only turn it into another passive whitewashed popcorn flick is gross all on its own, but to frame the entire thing around a bunch of wronged Japanese men + women having to constantly praise and apologize to a white man for bullying him or whatever is - quite frankly - beyond insulting. As much as I won't soon be forgetting the pop aesthetic experience this delivered upon, I'm also glad it bombed. A screenplay this goofy has no right being so tame. And see the skull guy on the poster? He's only in the movie for like 30 seconds so fuck you.
BackToTheMovies (56 KP) rated Triple Threat (2019) in Movies
Jun 26, 2019
Triple Threat, from prolific action specialist Jesse V. Johnson and currently streaming on Netflix, is exactly as promised – 95 minutes of complete ass-kicking from a ridiculous cast of ass-kickers who defy gravitational and physical logic with their supreme martial arts and combat skills. Unpretentious, unrelenting, and wildly entertaining, this is a throwback to old-school, non-CGI, action-programmers where the body count is absurdly high, the squibs are going off like crazy, and dynamic second unit work pumps up the aesthetic thrills – it’s the best pure-action film of the year and the best of its type that I’ve seen since The Night Comes For Us (also on Netflix streaming).
Starring an action fan’s dream team of Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, Tony Jaa, and Tiger Chen. The various beat-downs that these guys dish out look beyond lethal. I loved the real-deal explosions and Jonathan Hall’s slick and steady cinematography which highlighted the insane choreography. Matthew Lorentz’s crisp editing wastes not a moment of the basic but hard-charging script by Joey O’Bryan, Fangjin Song, and Paul Staheli. But let’s be honest, we’re not here to experience Shakespearean-level swaths of dialogue. Triple Threat exists as an outlet for extreme thrills and near-constant mayhem.
Starring an action fan’s dream team of Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, Tony Jaa, and Tiger Chen. The various beat-downs that these guys dish out look beyond lethal. I loved the real-deal explosions and Jonathan Hall’s slick and steady cinematography which highlighted the insane choreography. Matthew Lorentz’s crisp editing wastes not a moment of the basic but hard-charging script by Joey O’Bryan, Fangjin Song, and Paul Staheli. But let’s be honest, we’re not here to experience Shakespearean-level swaths of dialogue. Triple Threat exists as an outlet for extreme thrills and near-constant mayhem.
Sarah (7800 KP) rated Supernatural - Season 1 in TV
Oct 5, 2019 (Updated Oct 5, 2019)
Spookily good fun
I first watched Supernatural when it first started, got as far as series 5 and then just never managed to catch up. I decided to start again and I’m glad i did, I’d forgotten just how fun this show was.
As an premise, this is a wonderful idea and a great way of creating a story around a host of legendary supernatural beings. The main highlight of this show though is by far the relationship between the brothers. It’s downright hilarious at times and Jensen Ackles has some brilliant moments as Dean. But there’s also a serious side to the brothers too, and this works well alongside the scares and humour. Don’t get me wrong, the show isn’t perfect. The CGI in these early days is pretty horrendous at times, and some of the storylines are a bit cliched with nearly every one having an attractive woman for the brothers to work with/save. Some of the script is a tad cheesy too, but fortunately this show is that good that these slight issues don’t really make any difference. There are a couple of dodgy episodes, namely Bugs and Route 666, but the rest make for a highly enjoyable show.
As an premise, this is a wonderful idea and a great way of creating a story around a host of legendary supernatural beings. The main highlight of this show though is by far the relationship between the brothers. It’s downright hilarious at times and Jensen Ackles has some brilliant moments as Dean. But there’s also a serious side to the brothers too, and this works well alongside the scares and humour. Don’t get me wrong, the show isn’t perfect. The CGI in these early days is pretty horrendous at times, and some of the storylines are a bit cliched with nearly every one having an attractive woman for the brothers to work with/save. Some of the script is a tad cheesy too, but fortunately this show is that good that these slight issues don’t really make any difference. There are a couple of dodgy episodes, namely Bugs and Route 666, but the rest make for a highly enjoyable show.
LeftSideCut (3776 KP) rated Man of Steel (2013) in Movies
Aug 29, 2019 (Updated Oct 25, 2019)
At the time of it's release, I was absolutely buzzing for Man of Steel. One of the most iconic comic book characters of all time, being overseen by the man who directed 300 and Watchmen (I've even got a huge soft spot for Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead).
This first entry into the DCEU was a pretty enjoyable spectacle for the most part, and as it stands, is my personal highpoint of the up and down franchise.
The first half carries a more serious tone, as we're given the most brooding Superman to date. I actually enjoyed watching Clark Kent go about his life, and don't find it as boring as a lot of people.
The second half is pretty much all action. I'll start off here by saying that the CGI and effects used in MoS are pretty solid - definitely better than any of the DC movies that have followed.
It's an absolute spectacle for sure, although the climatic battle does tread dangerously close to Transformers levels of dumb destruction.
It just about gets away with it though, and tops off a gorgeous looking movie nicely.
Not too bad at all, it's a damn shame the quality didn't stick. (Fingers crossed for Joker though!)
This first entry into the DCEU was a pretty enjoyable spectacle for the most part, and as it stands, is my personal highpoint of the up and down franchise.
The first half carries a more serious tone, as we're given the most brooding Superman to date. I actually enjoyed watching Clark Kent go about his life, and don't find it as boring as a lot of people.
The second half is pretty much all action. I'll start off here by saying that the CGI and effects used in MoS are pretty solid - definitely better than any of the DC movies that have followed.
It's an absolute spectacle for sure, although the climatic battle does tread dangerously close to Transformers levels of dumb destruction.
It just about gets away with it though, and tops off a gorgeous looking movie nicely.
Not too bad at all, it's a damn shame the quality didn't stick. (Fingers crossed for Joker though!)
Blazing Minds (92 KP) rated The Mummy (2017) in Movies
Nov 1, 2021 (Updated Nov 3, 2021)
Ah The Mummy, one of my all-time favourite movies, I remember the first time I saw the 1932 film with Boris Karloff when I was very young, scared the living daylights out of me, thank heavens for big backed sofas!
Then many, many, years later in 1999 Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz brought The Mummy back to life (excuse the pun) on the big screen with it wit, wonderful chemistry between Fraser and Weisz, some pretty nifty CGI during the transformation scenes of Arnold Vosloo’s Mummy and not forgetting that one line that so many off would throw into conversations as much as we could, “Apparently he was having a very good time!”.
Now 18 years later (oh damn now I do feel really old!) The Mummy is back with not only a reboot of the film, but also the start of the “Dark Universe“, a new world of gods and monsters that will be unleashed on to cinemas screens, starting with The Mummy, all the films will be connected by a mysterious organisation known as the “Prodigium” which is led by Dr. Henry Jekyll (Russell Crowe, (Nice Guys, Les Miserables) who we have been introduced to in this movie.
Then many, many, years later in 1999 Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz brought The Mummy back to life (excuse the pun) on the big screen with it wit, wonderful chemistry between Fraser and Weisz, some pretty nifty CGI during the transformation scenes of Arnold Vosloo’s Mummy and not forgetting that one line that so many off would throw into conversations as much as we could, “Apparently he was having a very good time!”.
Now 18 years later (oh damn now I do feel really old!) The Mummy is back with not only a reboot of the film, but also the start of the “Dark Universe“, a new world of gods and monsters that will be unleashed on to cinemas screens, starting with The Mummy, all the films will be connected by a mysterious organisation known as the “Prodigium” which is led by Dr. Henry Jekyll (Russell Crowe, (Nice Guys, Les Miserables) who we have been introduced to in this movie.
LoganCrews (2861 KP) rated As the Gods Will (2014) in Movies
Oct 28, 2021
"𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭."
Seventh Miike down and so far this is my favorite of his by a wide margin: gorgeous, fearlessly stupid, entertaining as can be, grisly, funny, and as giddy as a kid in a candy shop with its cruelty. Pretty much the shit movies were made for. Couldn't tell you how this holds up as an adaptation of the manga, but it's a top-to-bottom gnarly blast in its own right - just keeps topping and topping itself with its series of totally ludicrous rug-pulls until you have no choice but to strap in blindfolded and hold on for the ride. I still can't get over the combination of all these breathtaking sets with the garish, purposefully fugly CGI - it adds a deep idiosyncrasy to the project that works like a motherfucker in deepening its artsy camp. The entirety of the 'telling the truth' game is the best scene in any Miike movie I've seen up to this point. Ryunosuke Kamiki is a God's-honest talent. And at this point in Takashi's filmography it should go without saying that Koji Endo's score rips hard. Catch me demanding a sequel to this overlooked genre classic.
Seventh Miike down and so far this is my favorite of his by a wide margin: gorgeous, fearlessly stupid, entertaining as can be, grisly, funny, and as giddy as a kid in a candy shop with its cruelty. Pretty much the shit movies were made for. Couldn't tell you how this holds up as an adaptation of the manga, but it's a top-to-bottom gnarly blast in its own right - just keeps topping and topping itself with its series of totally ludicrous rug-pulls until you have no choice but to strap in blindfolded and hold on for the ride. I still can't get over the combination of all these breathtaking sets with the garish, purposefully fugly CGI - it adds a deep idiosyncrasy to the project that works like a motherfucker in deepening its artsy camp. The entirety of the 'telling the truth' game is the best scene in any Miike movie I've seen up to this point. Ryunosuke Kamiki is a God's-honest talent. And at this point in Takashi's filmography it should go without saying that Koji Endo's score rips hard. Catch me demanding a sequel to this overlooked genre classic.
LeftSideCut (3776 KP) rated The Adam Project (2022) in Movies
Mar 22, 2022
I really didn't get a lot of enjoyment out of The Adam Project, but in the interest of fairness, it's not without its merits. Most importantly, I can only imagine how much of a blast kids will have watching it. It's family friendly presentation, copious amounts of Ryan Reynolds, and it's main young protagonist make it a done deal in that respect. It's helped along by some snappy action moments, some good humoured dialogue, and some genuinely touching character beats.
Personally though, the jarring editing and conflicting tones are hard to look past. The comedy and seriousness aren't well balanced at all, and the often and sudden switching of on screen proceedings feel scrappy. It's comes across messy. Zoe Saldana crops up about halfway through and feels like she's walked in from a completely different movie. The CGI is hit and miss. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's ropey, and then there's poor Catherine Keener, who is subjected to possibly the worst bout of digital de-aging I can recall.
The Adam Project isn't a completely awful experience, it's just a very cookie cutter sci-fi action that feels instantly forgettable. As mentioned though, kids will undoubtedly love it, which can only be a positive.
Personally though, the jarring editing and conflicting tones are hard to look past. The comedy and seriousness aren't well balanced at all, and the often and sudden switching of on screen proceedings feel scrappy. It's comes across messy. Zoe Saldana crops up about halfway through and feels like she's walked in from a completely different movie. The CGI is hit and miss. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's ropey, and then there's poor Catherine Keener, who is subjected to possibly the worst bout of digital de-aging I can recall.
The Adam Project isn't a completely awful experience, it's just a very cookie cutter sci-fi action that feels instantly forgettable. As mentioned though, kids will undoubtedly love it, which can only be a positive.
LeftSideCut (3776 KP) rated Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (2012) in Movies
Mar 22, 2022
Lake Placid 4 is straight up wild. It starts with Yancy Butler asking a crocodile if "they really wanna do this" before fighting it. That's where we're at. There's a bit where a group of people see a huge crocodile coming for them so they jump in a 4x4 and drive insanely fast away from it, looking back to make sure they're getting away. I though to myself "why are they looking, there's no way a crocodile is keeping up with them, stupid ass" but no, the crocodile is galloping like a fucking horse at the same speed behind them. There's another part where a dude gets torn apart by baby crocodiles like a school of piranhas or some shit. None of it makes sense but fuck it, who even cares. The CGI somehow manages to be better and worse than the last one. Robert Englund is chewing up the scenery whenever he's on screen. I feel like I'm going mad because I have low key enjoyed all of the trash sequels so far.
Some people say that Citizen Kane is the biggest masterpiece of cinema ever put out there. I argue that it's Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (even though there are two more to go *chefs kiss*)
Some people say that Citizen Kane is the biggest masterpiece of cinema ever put out there. I argue that it's Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (even though there are two more to go *chefs kiss*)
Ryan Hill (152 KP) rated Aquaman (2018) in Movies
Jun 8, 2019
"war is coming to the surface"
Aquaman is absolutely a disciple of the superhero formula we've seen used, reused and recycled over the past couple decades...but its formula done right. There's an inherent lunacy to a hero like Aquaman; his myth is built upon a lost Atlantean culture that's simultaneously advanced technologically and heavily influenced by ancient Greek mythology, and his powers included near-Superman levels of strength and invulnerability existing alongside an ability to communicate with marine life. This makes approaching his story from a gritty, realistic perspective damn near impossible.
Instead Wan and the writers behind Aquaman intelligently focus on world-building and following the tried-and-true "heroic journey"; complete with initial rejection of a prophesied role, slow but steady immersion into said role's culture, recognition of the need for growth and change, and eventual assumption of role. It's been seen before and it'll be seen again. But what propels Aquaman ahead of other films like it is the energy that Wan imbues it with. It's goofy without undermining the sincerity of Arthur's journey. It's fast-paced and simple-minded without sacrificing the weight and universality of this particular hero's myth. It's loud and colorful and *full* of CGI everything without reducing itself to an over-commercialized, artless heap of nothingness.
It's a big-ass blockbuster with personality. Momoa has charisma to spare; he owns the physicality and irreverence of this new imagining of the king of the ocean perfectly. Amber Heard is sexy and badass as Mera; something of a victim of a forced romance but also a compelling and strong protagonist in her own right. Patrick Wilson as Oceanmaster (call me....Oceanmaster) is given enough screen-time to develop that he's more than a punching bag for Aquaman; but actually a character with ambitions and a defined, fleshed-out purpose. The origin segment is tightly done and more than enough to set the stage for what is to come. And probably the strongest aspect of this picture, the costuming and world-building, is off the charts. Similar to the enduring fantasy films that precede this (LOTR, Star Wars, Avatar for a few examples) the undersea kingdoms are a place I want to return to. They aren't just my world dressed up with CGI and the occasional costuming flourish; they're entirely foreign and endlessly inventive. Probably a solid third of the film is simply Aquaman, and the audience, being told about this world and shown it by Mera. While that may not be artistically prestigious strategy for engaging audiences, it entertains and fascinates on a "turn off your brain and look at those pretty colors" sort of way. There's a simple glee in seeing sharks ridden like horses or an octopus pounding a war-time set of drums.
I always offer the disclaimer when writing about nerdy films that I love which is this: I am a nerd. While I wasn't particularly attached to Aquaman growing up; his journey, the nature of this sort of film and the cinematic universe he will be growing into are fundamentally important to me, and I like to embrace that bias rather than keep it in check with reduced ratings or "objective" analysis. Whether it be a giant, confusing and chaotic battle between underwater armies or the horrifying descent into "the trench"; you'll always find me looking up at the screen like a little kid. Or moments like Arthur meeting Mera and confronting is past, or taking upon the role of king while wielding the trident; I just love that sort of stuff. I'm a sucker for these beats and this formula; and all signs point to this continuing. So while I may like it more than most; I'd mostly like to say Aquaman still distinguishes itself as a particularly goofy, sprawling, mythic, and metal experience that deserved to be seen on the big-screen, and to be celebrated as the fantasy film it is. It's a great time, and a nice addition to the DC film franchise.
Instead Wan and the writers behind Aquaman intelligently focus on world-building and following the tried-and-true "heroic journey"; complete with initial rejection of a prophesied role, slow but steady immersion into said role's culture, recognition of the need for growth and change, and eventual assumption of role. It's been seen before and it'll be seen again. But what propels Aquaman ahead of other films like it is the energy that Wan imbues it with. It's goofy without undermining the sincerity of Arthur's journey. It's fast-paced and simple-minded without sacrificing the weight and universality of this particular hero's myth. It's loud and colorful and *full* of CGI everything without reducing itself to an over-commercialized, artless heap of nothingness.
It's a big-ass blockbuster with personality. Momoa has charisma to spare; he owns the physicality and irreverence of this new imagining of the king of the ocean perfectly. Amber Heard is sexy and badass as Mera; something of a victim of a forced romance but also a compelling and strong protagonist in her own right. Patrick Wilson as Oceanmaster (call me....Oceanmaster) is given enough screen-time to develop that he's more than a punching bag for Aquaman; but actually a character with ambitions and a defined, fleshed-out purpose. The origin segment is tightly done and more than enough to set the stage for what is to come. And probably the strongest aspect of this picture, the costuming and world-building, is off the charts. Similar to the enduring fantasy films that precede this (LOTR, Star Wars, Avatar for a few examples) the undersea kingdoms are a place I want to return to. They aren't just my world dressed up with CGI and the occasional costuming flourish; they're entirely foreign and endlessly inventive. Probably a solid third of the film is simply Aquaman, and the audience, being told about this world and shown it by Mera. While that may not be artistically prestigious strategy for engaging audiences, it entertains and fascinates on a "turn off your brain and look at those pretty colors" sort of way. There's a simple glee in seeing sharks ridden like horses or an octopus pounding a war-time set of drums.
I always offer the disclaimer when writing about nerdy films that I love which is this: I am a nerd. While I wasn't particularly attached to Aquaman growing up; his journey, the nature of this sort of film and the cinematic universe he will be growing into are fundamentally important to me, and I like to embrace that bias rather than keep it in check with reduced ratings or "objective" analysis. Whether it be a giant, confusing and chaotic battle between underwater armies or the horrifying descent into "the trench"; you'll always find me looking up at the screen like a little kid. Or moments like Arthur meeting Mera and confronting is past, or taking upon the role of king while wielding the trident; I just love that sort of stuff. I'm a sucker for these beats and this formula; and all signs point to this continuing. So while I may like it more than most; I'd mostly like to say Aquaman still distinguishes itself as a particularly goofy, sprawling, mythic, and metal experience that deserved to be seen on the big-screen, and to be celebrated as the fantasy film it is. It's a great time, and a nice addition to the DC film franchise.